Live from the city market, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone, the number one show for people that lie about their favorite
podcast.
Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors and horrible pranks, what the fuck is wrong
with these guys?
Anyhow, I was reading a couple of articles and I started reading this before I went on
to little mini vacay and I read a little bit more of it while I was there because I woke
up before Val and I was just kind of sitting there and you know like I said I love to sit
on the deck in nature and read.
I read some of my book that's taken me way too long to read because I've been so busy
in that Skizzer Butler's book Into the Void.
Oh I was hoping you were going to say that.
It's really really good, it's just man I just yeah every time I try to get into it I have
something that comes up and I got to go do that and it sucks because I'm used to reading
a book in like three days.
This one's taken me like three weeks and we're not even halfway through it and it's pissing
me off but I'll get to it.
I have a good answer for that.
Welcome to adulting.
And you know what, yeah and another thing is you're right I have no reason, no I really
have so many, no I have so many things going on I would love to just be able to sit down
and read a book for a week.
Anyhow and I'm not a speed reader either, I go over stuff sometimes to make sure that
I retain it.
I know people that can like speed write through books and retain it.
I guess I'm not that intelligent it takes me a minute.
So anyhow.
Okay well you hear me reading my news articles on my phone on this podcast, that tell you
something about me.
I'm a little slow when it comes to reading.
You know what I mean.
I'm very smart other than that just so people know.
Yeah yeah oh yeah.
I'm a little slow at reading.
It's just different, people absorb things differently and one of the things that I've
always been able to retain a lot of information but I have to do it in a certain way.
If I do it in a certain way I will retain it and I will remember it for life.
But if I don't do it in that certain way and this is part of knowing yourself.
You know if I don't do it in that way there's no guarantee that I'll retain it and that's
why it has to be done like it is.
It's because I want to make sure I retain it.
You know I wanted 10 years ago someone would go well I wonder what happened when Giesel
Butler did this solo project or whatever.
I want to be able to go oh yeah yeah I read that 10 years ago and anyhow yeah this is
what happened because of this and that and this.
I like to be like that.
And in order for me to be like that I have to do things like that.
So anyhow but I was reading an article and 60% of people who took early retirement when
COVID hit.
The people who are right on that teeter and age and they're worried about getting COVID
and dying so they took an early retirement.
60% of them have already slipped into poverty.
60%.
Think of that.
Over half of them.
Because of inflation and the way the bullshit way this country is being run.
They slipped into poverty.
You slipped into a different subject that's been on my mind that I really don't want to
bring up.
Okay.
But it reaches there and it hits me deep because it hurt my mama.
Okay is this.
No it has nothing to do with COVID.
Oh no no no no no no what I'm asking is.
That's what I was asking.
If this is for this podcast go ahead.
No no no no no no no no this is a different podcast.
Yeah let's do this.
Okay well how about some stupid.
Because it hurts me.
You want some stupid questions and write that out and we will do that on any podcast you
want.
Let me know that you have it written out and you want to do it and we will do it.
It sounds very important to you.
Oh no dude I don't have to write it out.
Okay well whenever you're ready do it.
Let me know.
I will I will.
You want some stupid questions.
I love them.
I know you do.
Okay.
That's all you've ever asked me Mark.
Oh I know this.
We know this.
People out there may not know this.
So that's in the 80s that's all you ever asked me was stupid questions.
Oh gosh.
Man that's all I did.
My whole thing was like to shock people.
Well to be honest that's all we did to each other back then because that's all we had
to do.
Oh yeah.
I remember like Harry would come up and give you a nut clinch.
It would just shock the piss out of you.
Yeah we have some people I need to ask you about.
I ain't heard from in years.
We can do that off error and a lot of them I know what happened to.
Some of them I do not sadly.
I've checked on them and checked on them and some of them you're not going to like the
answer to what happened to them.
So yeah.
Okay when was the last time you binge ate peanut butter in a hotel room?
Never have.
Neither have I.
I binge ate White Castle's in a hotel room.
I binge ate pizza in a hotel room.
But never peanut butter.
I'm not a big enough fan.
Okay well when I was working on the road by the time I got to the hotel room it was sharing
back.
So.
Mine was.
When I was proud of working.
You know.
Well.
I bought a case of White Castle's and I did not know we were going to leave the next day.
You know.
And I had nowhere to put them because we were flying to a different job.
Yeah.
And it was like a surprise one that we had to go to.
So I binge ate them.
I had like I don't know ten of them left and I was like you know what I'm going to fucking
eat these things.
I'm not wasting money.
I just bought these things thinking I was going to be here another three to four days.
You ate ten fucking White Castle's.
Oh my god dude I was so sick.
And how much time?
Um and probably about an hour.
That's a world record.
Oh it's got to be a world record.
I was burping onions on the plane and people are giving me dirty looks because they can
hear me kind of belching under my breath.
Oh my gosh.
So yeah anyhow.
And the sad thing is is I ate them in the morning because I fell asleep at night.
I was going to eat them at night.
In the morning?
Yes in the morning.
So.
You suffered all day dude.
I did.
Next one I got is a question.
Is cereal soup?
Cereal soup.
Think about it.
That's the vegetables or that's the meat.
Milk is the broth and the cereal is the meat or the vegetables.
Okay.
It isn't.
I was saying more alphabet.
Well yeah if it's Apple Jacks or something yeah.
I say no.
No.
And I don't really have a reason except no.
You gotta have the soup juice not milk.
Yeah yeah milk is not a soup juice.
That's what I said.
That's where I went.
I'm sticking with that too.
That's the one soup.
It's bullshit that anyone would even try to say that it's soup.
So anyone that's on that tip get the fuck out of here.
Nope we're not accepting it.
Nope.
Oh hey I got the answer to that.
What?
That's Gen Z.
Ah.
The ones that came up with that.
I'm sure it's that dumb isn't it.
Yes it is.
Yep.
Okay.
Alright.
What is the sexiest and least sexiest name?
For a man I'm gonna say Hank.
Hank sounds like yank.
Lady sexy.
Hank for a man.
Woman or Chet is another one Chet or Hank.
Uh woman I'm gonna say.
No Hank is worse.
Hank cause it sounds like yank.
Okay.
Yeah.
Uh Hank.
Bernice.
Bernice is horrible sounding.
I'm going with Hank and Bernice.
So Mel.
This could be another one of those guitar stories that I'm still working on.
If you come up with, feel free to write these down and come up with your own.
By the way get ready, start getting your acoustic ready.
Okay.
Cause didn't we make a deal?
I do one one week.
Okay.
Is yours coming up?
I'm about ready to break out with my acoustic.
Okay don't say what it is yet.
Don't say what it is yet.
No I'm not.
I'm not.
But once you bring yours out, the next week I'll bring my melody out.
Let's keep this rolling.
Okay you got yourself a deal.
You break out the acoustic one and I will break out my acoustic one.
Okay.
I'll bring mine out two weeks from now.
Okay and then three weeks from now I'll have mine.
Right.
I've already got the first.
That's a good time to work on.
Yeah I've already got, you know what I can't say anymore.
Yeah.
We've been working on it.
Yeah yeah.
We both have.
Yeah but I was throwing some different curves like you.
Yours is going to top mine.
No I don't know.
I don't know.
You're putting a lot more thought into this than me by the way you're talking.
I don't know if I'm going to honestly.
Well.
Some of the routes.
I brought it to Zach Wild last week.
No I know but some of the routes you were going that you were talking to me before Zach
Wild kind of got me caught me off guard and made me think.
No dude I'm going to every, no see this, that's why this is taking so long.
I know.
It's fine.
You threw this on me.
I'm going to put it here.
I'm thinking.
Okay I'm thinking all style of music.
This is why I did this.
This is why I want this done.
But then I start throwing in other music.
Then I start throwing in country and I.
Dude I've got all genres going and it's totally confusing.
But I'm worth, no I'm willing it down.
Two weeks from now I will have your two stick lead guitar.
Okay.
Alright.
Enough of that.
We'll move on because I got mine coming up right after that and okay.
Oh.
No no no no what I'm saying is let's keep doing what we're doing here because I don't
want to get.
We've been talking about it a little too much.
Yeah.
And also if people don't know what we're talking about then they're going to be going
well I don't know what it is.
And if people figure it out then we're fucked too because we don't want to figure it out.
We want to spring it on them.
So let's just stop.
Well I plan on keeping this going past this.
Me too.
Now you're getting what I'm saying is this is a forever.
Different instruments and bands.
This is a forever subject that we can always bring up.
Yes it is.
Yes it is and we're going to.
Okay next one is what conspiracy would you like to start.
I got one.
Uh oh.
Yeah.
Okay.
Vladimir Putin is secretly living in the U.S. He had a face change and he is living somewhere
in Cincinnati right now.
And he is calling in all the orders from Cincinnati.
Yours?
I don't know if I can top that one.
Well you didn't give me no heads up on this.
I'm just.
I just thought of this.
I wrote down these questions three months ago and I just found them because I took the
wrong notebook with me.
So you saw them on me.
Thanks.
Let's see here.
Let me see.
Okay.
Now you.
Okay this is.
Oh shit.
I may have to get back.
Okay that's fine.
That's fine.
I don't know why I dug that one up but it's cool.
What was the question?
What conspiracy would you like.
What secret conspiracy would you like to start?
And mine is Vladimir Putin has had a face change and is secretly living in Cincinnati
and blowing in the orders to Russia.
Got you.
Okay next.
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Why or why not?
Yes it is.
Okay here's the route I'm going.
A hot dog is only a sandwich when it's not on a hot dog bun.
If it's on a hamburger bun or if it's between two pieces of white bread or just flat bread,
cut bread, regular bread, wheat bread or whatever then it's a sandwich.
So you're saying no on the hot dog?
I'm saying if it's on a hot dog bun it is not a sandwich.
It's a hot dog.
It's a hot dog on a hot dog bun.
But if a hot dog is on a regular piece of bread or a hamburger bun then it becomes a
sandwich.
Well Mark that's the first time we disagree on that topic.
That's fine.
Go ahead.
Hot dog is on bread.
If it's in a bun it's in between two pieces of bread.
It's a sandwich.
Okay.
That's the first time I've got to disagree with you.
Probably all of our lives.
It's fine to disagree with me.
I love it.
Honestly that's probably the first time we've disagreed in all of our lives.
Me and Topher had plenty of stuff we disagreed on.
I mean there's a lot of stuff we disagree on but it was fine.
I mean you know the whole thing.
I don't know.
I'm not planning on disagreeing with you but everything we agree on.
I know.
So it's fine.
I will call a hot dog a sandwich.
Okay I'm sticking with mine that I'm only calling it if it's on a sandwich type of material.
Somebody call us.
What is now?
Oh that's another thing.
When I get the hotmail email or whatever it is to Goyne then people can email us.
It's really weird to get on that GoDaddy site and to email because it comes out differently
and a lot of times it bounces back like we're not there.
I found this out because I set up a fake email to see what's going on because it would tell
me I had five messages.
Then I would get there and they would be like encrypted or something and it would be like
wait what you know.
Now what the hell?
So I made up a fake email and I sent it to me and it did the same thing.
So we're getting messages they're just not getting through.
I got a hold of GoDaddy and they gave me this big rigmarole about you know hey you need
to get a web designer and all this stuff.
I'm like well you know what maybe I do but that's not in the cards right now because
we're not that big of an operation yet.
So we're working on it.
You brought out the demographics a couple shows ago.
Yeah you know what I mean I'm pretty impressed.
I was impressed with the numbers you read.
It really was.
And you know what I will give you all the.
And that was you and Topher.
Well yeah yeah and you too like I said our numbers are almost identical between you and
Topher.
So I mean the same people.
No no no no I can't compare the two.
You're two totally different people and it's different podcasts.
The only thing it's the same as me.
But the numbers are the same.
Topher and I went into a lot more serious subjects where you and I are just like just
having fun just bullshitting and stuff.
Maybe later on we will get into more of the stuff like Topher did or maybe Topher will
come back and do it but whatever.
I have serious stuff like Topher did.
That's fine and you know what you're welcome to bring him out too.
Well we will but I want to make sure Topher is where Topher is at.
You know what my main concern is Topher is one of my better friends and I want him to
be okay and that's all I really give a shit about.
Everything else will come in time.
So anyhow okay I've got the next one.
What's the best wifi name ever and I got it.
I got it because it's right next to me.
Yours?
Yes, it's not mine.
It's someone right next to me.
It's FBI secret surveillance wifi.
What?
FBI secret surveillance wifi.
I don't think it's a I guess it could be but why would they name it that if they're a secret
surveillance.
Did you check into that?
I have no way to.
How can I I have no way to.
They're knocking on doors and go hey are you the FBI that's on the wifi?
Yeah.
I love that one.
That is good.
Do you got one or not?
I don't know.
Do you got one or not?
Oh, not on this subject.
I wasn't expecting this.
Okay.
I'll go to the next one is what I'm saying.
It's fine.
Yeah, go for it.
This one's all you.
Okay.
What's invisible but you wish people could see?
I've got a really good one.
Farts.
Gas.
Oh, oh, farts.
Gas.
Farts.
Yeah.
Would that be excellent?
Or boners.
Boners.
Like, like, like it would be on their forehead.
If a guy cops a boner all of a sudden it pops up on his forehead like in like I don't know
neon orange or something and orange penis like goes.
Farts or boners?
That should be the name of the podcast, Farts and Boners.
What else?
Farts and boners and a microphone.
Well, you mentioned if Topher comes back we flip off and do our own thing.
We can be farts and boners and a microphone.
There you go.
Well, like a new promo that I had our voice guy cut is.
No, no, no, let's just leave it farts and boners.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no microphone.
Yeah, that microphone is too good for that.
And I'm not going to go to the new promo.
I'm just going to.
No.
I'm just going to re-record it on this format.
What weird smelling ideas are there?
Yeah.
Okay.
In case.
What's the weirdest smell you've ever smelled?
And I have a definite answer on that one too.
Do you?
The weirdest smell you've ever smelled.
Okay.
I've got one.
Meth.
Meth and crack.
I've smelled them both and they are the oddest fucking weirdest smell ever.
Horrible.
And people that do it, it permeates their hair, their skin, their clothes, their teeth, their
air canals.
It's the chemicals in it, I believe.
It is.
Yeah.
I would say that it would probably be meth and or crack.
I'm not going to tell you I know that one, but you just distracted me from my answer
once again.
That's what I do.
You're awesome, man.
I love you.
You know what?
It's working.
I listen back to our podcasts and I think they're fantastic.
I mean, they're great.
I mean, whatever formula we got going.
You keep telling me I'm growing.
You are.
And I keep listening.
Yeah, I am.
Yeah.
They told me to go this shit out of nowhere.
It's fine because there's got to be, in every podcast, there's got to be a lead guy and
there's got to be the other guy that absorbs the shit that the lead guy throws at him,
right?
Right.
And he does the best he can to make it through.
Yes.
But...
Now, one of these days...
I don't know about that answer.
I mean, shit.
There's a reason I don't know about that answer.
To be honest, years ago I used to do math.
Okay.
I'm a recovered addict.
Well, addict.
Okay.
Could that have been when you...
I've been testing it in years.
Okay.
So that's why I'm kind of...
I'll ask you...
I can make a lot of difference.
Hang on.
Let me put this on pause for a second.
I've got a question to ask you personally.
Good.
Yeah.
I'll answer it.
All right.
I've got one more question and then we can call this thing a wrap up for tonight.
And like I said, we'll figure out the next time we do it.
Oh, actually, I have two more questions.
Is that all right?
Yeah.
Do whatever.
If animals could talk, who would be the rudest?
I'm going to say an owl.
Of just animals around here, an owl to me looks like it would think you're a dumbass
where you looked at it and talked to it.
I'm going to say an owl.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know what?
I'm going to...
You know what?
Because they're stupid and they think we're stupid.
You know what?
That's a pretty good point there.
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
I think you...
I want too many cartoons.
I think you won that one.
That one right there, I think.
We give to you.
That was pretty good.
Okay.
This next one is an age-old question here.
And there's no really direct clear answer.
Toilet paper, over or under?
Over.
I'm an under guy.
But that's fine.
I've seen graphics on Facebook where they show the original, supposedly.
Which is the original?
Is it over?
Which is over.
Okay.
Look, it doesn't bother me because I'll use either.
That's Facebook, man.
Yeah, that's true.
I'll use either.
If I'm in a restroom, like a store or something, and I got to go, I'll use either.
It's like over or under.
I don't care.
I guess, really, it doesn't matter that much.
I will not take any liberty to change it to under if it's over.
So, actually...
Honestly, it could be sitting on the counter.
And I'll die.
I'll do it.
Yes, the same here.
Just saying.
And here, the next one, I like this.
What's the best inside joke you've been a part of?
And I've got a definite one on this.
And it was when we were playing that trick on Sam, the security guard.
Do you remember that little bastard at Bannister Mall?
Oh, dude, dude.
Sam was so many of the butt jokes.
Oh.
When we were playing that joke on him, and everybody thought that he was a secret MTV
guy, and we had everybody...
I'm surprised he did not die at the mall from all of us.
I'll tell you why he got fired.
I'm surprised he didn't have a damn motor taxi.
He was harassing a girl.
Sexually harassing her.
Oh, okay.
Constantly.
Yes.
We're not saying any last names, so it's not going to matter.
So, this is the word on the street that he was sexually harassing a girl.
And we didn't say any last names anyhow.
This was in the 80s.
No, no, no, no.
But the word on the street was he was sexually harassing a girl, and she filed charges on
him, and he had to quit.
See, I did not know that.
All I know is we all used to bug the fuck out of him.
Yes.
And we all loved it, and it was the thing, man.
Everybody did it.
Yeah, so now you see what I'm saying is the biggest inside joke around was this guy's
a tool bag, you fuck with him.
Yeah, but then you say that, and you're like, what?
Well, I mean, like I said, it's word on the street.
I don't know for sure.
That was word on the street.
Maybe he wasn't.
Right, right.
Maybe someone came up with that.
They didn't like him.
A lot of people didn't like him.
But that was my understanding was that was it.
So, okay, who knows?
Yeah, see, well, you and me were a little different.
We fucked with him, but we kind of liked him.
You know what?
After he took me to court trying to kick me out for good, and after I won that, I did
like him.
And you know why?
A lot of other people just fucked with him.
Because here's why I eventually liked him a little bit, was because he told me that
I was the most persistent motherfucker he ever knew in his life, and then I drove him
nuts.
But he said a secret part of him envied me because of my audacity and my will to never
quit.
And I looked at him and I said, do you want a hug?
And he goes, fuck no.
I love it.
He did not want a hug.
Hell no.
But at least he was man enough to admit that to me.
So, anyhow, on that note, I think...
Did you talk to him the rest of the time?
Well, the only reason I ever talked to him and the whole reason was to heckle him.
And then he ended up talking back a little bit, and then ended up to where we talked
a little bit, and then that's when he told me that.
And I was like, okay.
And the second one was Babel Snatch with Paul at 7-Eleven.
Oh, God.
And the thing about Paul is he never knew I played that joke on him.
He didn't have an idea at all.
He didn't know it was me, and he never liked me, and he never knew it was me.
He never liked me before that.
He never liked me after.
He never had a reason unless someone said something to him which wasn't true.
I was just trying to get the guy to like me for unknown reason.
Now I wouldn't give a shit.
I'd be like, all right, I guess I don't like him either.
But at the time, I'm like baffled like this guy hates me.
Everybody loves me, but this guy fucking hates me.
So since I heard the podcast and I got to remember it about Babel Snatch,
I'm thinking about bringing it back.
That would be excellent.
No, I mean all the highways between here and there,
all the little gas stations, I'm telling you about having fun.
Let's come up with a fake website about Babel Snatch.
That way people are looking up.
First, let's set some groundwork down first.
You do that.
Okay.
You work on that.
You got the technology I don't.
Yes.
I'm going to work on a website for Babel Snatch, and then we'll take it from there.
Let's do it.
Okay.
On that note, everybody have a great evening, and this has been a fun podcast.
I'm wore the fuck out.
I got a dental appointment at 8 in the morning, so I am going to bed,
and then I got to go to work right after that.
I'm getting up at 4 a.m. to be able to sleep.
Okay.
Let me stress this again.
You guys are getting your money's worth.
It's free.
We're at quarter to 11 right now.
Yes.
So, nighty night.
Good night, everybody.
Love you.
Thanks for listening, even though we always talk bad.
Bye.
Like stated before, if you believe anything we say or think this podcast anything other
than hyperbole, parody, and just plain stupidness, you're dumber than us,
and that's hard to believe.
Two monkey fuckers and a toaster will be right back.
Two douchebags and a microphone, says.
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Hey there.
This is Mark, and this is a segment, a new segment that I came up with that I choose
to call I Don't Believe That.
I think you know in how cynical this program is exactly where I'm going with this.
So, without any further ado, let me introduce my first one.
I don't believe that Joe Biden could pass a mental competency test.
I sound like I can't pass one.
But anyhow, yeah, I do not believe he can be competent for a test.
So, I think I'm probably not the only one that came up with this, and this is easy pickings.
You know, I mean, everybody kind of knows it.
They see the guys stumbling around and not making sense half the time and walking in
the wrong areas and saying off the wall stuff that doesn't make sense.
Like I said, anybody could figure this out.
Why the guy is running again is beyond me, and why people are supporting him is even
more beyond me.
I mean, this guy is, I mean, look at him.
Yeah, he's crackers and crayons.
So, anyhow, I'll just go on from that one.
I think everybody sees that, and if you're halfway intelligent, you agree with it.
If you really look at it and you don't look at it through blue shades, you'll see my point of view.
But the problem is there's too many people who look through things at blue and red shades only.
You know, that's it.
You know, they're like, oh, they're blue, so they're good.
Well, that's the thing that got us in the mess we're at right now.
The mess that we're at right now is probably undigable to get out of.
So I'm telling you, you know, you're going to see more and more of what I'm talking about,
because things are colliding very fast and very dangerously and kind of scary, really.
A lot of stuff happened.
Keep your eyes open, guys.
Keep your eyes open.
So, OK, my second one.
I don't believe that the government passes any law to help us.
The laws are to control us.
And if you really think about it, think about all the laws they pass.
They tout this is going to help the people.
But if you really look at it on the surface, it's only to control us.
One way or another for their own agenda, they need us controlled.
And they do it all the time.
And they do it more and more.
And they don't even mask anything anymore.
A lot of times they say what they're going to do when the public is dumb enough to go along and just go, OK, all right, well, all right.
Well, they say it's OK.
So we're going to go ahead and go with it.
Wrong answer.
So, my third one.
I don't believe that Democrats care one ounce of shit about the border crossers, but only care about harvesting votes.
I really believe that to be true.
There might be a lot of people think I'm way off, but no, I've examined it.
I've looked at it.
And if you really gave a shit about them, you would find a good way to process them.
And the ones that are coming over here to work and want to work and want to raise a family will be over here.
And the ones that are over here to cause trouble or have a huge criminal background will not be.
But the focus is not on them because all they do is just try to get enough people over here and then find a way for them to vote.
So, anyhow.
Next one.
I don't believe that Republicans care one ounce of shit about the border crossers, but only care about cheap labor.
And if anyone's known one of these people, I'm sure everyone's known one of these people.
The other ones that go to church on Sunday and go, oh my God, I love you, God.
I pray for those poor brown people crossing the border.
And then they hire him for pennies on the dollar while their families starve and work him 80, 90, 100 hours a week.
And don't pay him as much as the people around him happens all the time.
And I got some people right.
I mean, I'll just leave it right there.
I may or may not have worked for some people like that.
So I don't believe that a large bag of Doritos is even half full of product, but is over half full of air.
That one again, easy pickings, easy to see.
We all know it, but we all still buy it, don't we?
I think if we leave the shit alone for a couple of months and let him give him something to think about, they'll quit this false narrative on that.
I mean, I know it's not that big a deal, Doritos, but you know what?
I mean, I'm just sick of it.
You go in and buy a huge bag and then you get home and there's five chips in it.
I think everybody can relate to that.
So next one, I do not believe if I take one pill, the sun will shine on my asshole and angels will comb my hair.
I believe it's all profit oriented.
All of it.
A little bit later on in this broadcast, you're going to hear something about Jardian or maybe I did it.
I think I might have done the Jardian one podcast or two ago.
Well, anyhow, someway, somehow, if you listen to this program, you're going to hear about Jardian and how the sun will shine on your asshole.
If you take one pill and the angels will come out and play for you and comb your hair and whistle.
And yeah, so anyhow, evidently having a bad A1C is a beautiful thing and people enjoy the hell out of it, according to these commercials.
All right, let's see.
I do not believe that there is one person that has authority, government, judge or business that has not lied to benefit themselves.
I believe that to be wholly true.
100 percent true.
Anyone that is in any type of power at all has lied and contorted things to benefit themselves because that's what their nature is and they can't help it.
And that's the way that things are done in this type of world is you have to lie, cheat and steal to get your way to the top.
And it's the truth.
So anyone that you see out there with any title at all, just know they're liars.
And they're not in your best interest.
They're in their best interest.
OK, I do not believe that tap water is perfectly safe to drink.
I believe that people are full of shit when they couldn't get one crap about waters or chemicals in the water.
I mean, look at Flint, Michigan, but the thing is, is that's just only a small little detail of everything that goes on.
I mean, I believe that I mean here in Kansas City, I know our water lines are what, like 60 years old or something.
So you can only imagine what's in there.
All the corrosion, everything, lead, what have you.
I mean, you know, they used to make pipes out of lead.
Yeah, lead pipes.
And our water is probably going through them to a certain degree.
Maybe not 100 percent, but maybe 20 percent.
And then who knows what all the other chemicals they put in there.
And the thing is, is they don't care.
They never did.
So my last but not least one.
I do not believe that the Royals belong in Major League play.
They might be a decent minor league team at best.
They might be able to challenge the Monarchs, maybe.
But I have my doubts about that.
Yeah, it's a pretty sad thing there, I can tell you that.
You know, I'm all for getting to downtown stadium or close to downtown because, you know, you go to.
When I used to go out of town for work, I went to as many stadiums as I could.
Yankee Stadium, Coors Field in Colorado.
Over on the West Coast, I went into some fields.
I mean, you know, and the downtown stadiums just have an energy about them.
They have all these businesses around them and it's downtown and people are getting off work and just walking over to the stadium and going to the game.
And it's a really electrifying atmosphere.
I mean, that Coors Field was just dynamite.
It was opening day when I was there with me and my friend Sandor.
And we we went to like the third game of the season there.
And it was just electric because it's downtown and there's all these microbreweries all around there and people just getting lit and people taking off work early.
And I mean, and then there's all these other places, too, that I went.
Now, Yankee Stadium is a little bit different.
It's a little ways out.
But, you know, that's all they could do there is because, you know, the metropolitan New York area is so huge that it's probably the only place they could really fit it.
And they have all the trains going there. But I mean, there's a lot of other stadiums.
Miller Stadium, Milwaukee, downtown.
I mean, White Sox, all these stadiums, the Cubbies, all of them.
And I think Kansas City deserves that.
But what we deserve before that is a competitive team, maybe not even a team that goes to a perennial playoff team, but just a team that's ended in late August.
You know, that would be nice.
So anyhow, this is Mark.
And this is my I do not believe segment that you're going to hear more and more coming up.
So I will talk to you guys.
Well, you know what? This is probably going to be located in the middle of the podcast.
So I don't have to say anything.
Bye.
Hello, this is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name inflation.
I'm going to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags and microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the cells I burned that day.
Enjoy.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water because nobody likes a sticky asshole.
Hey, where do they go? Where the douchebags?
Oh my God. Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Oh, glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Oh, man, that smells.