Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River,
it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors, and horrible pranks?
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
Well, guess they finally figured out the microphone.
Idiots.
If a 10 pound bag of shit could talk, this is what it would sound like.
Hello everybody, Two Douchebags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, well, I literally just got back from Eureka Springs five minutes, no,
okay, hang on, hang on, 20 minutes ago, because I had to unload the car real quick.
So, 20 minutes ago, but I just now got in the podcast studio,
five minutes ago, barely scratched my balls and called Rob.
And here is Rob, and sorry it took so long, but you know.
And I'm still scratching my balls, waiting on you.
Good man, I know, good man. He's waited on me many times.
Me to get off work, got off work late, all different kinds of shit.
And tonight it was, Val had a little bit more shopping left in her this last day we were there,
and I wasn't going to interrupt it while I sat and smoked.
No, you can't, you can't do that.
No, I sat there and smoked my cigar in front of the Basin Park there,
and just people watched, and had a great time, it was beautiful.
A guy was playing banjo behind me.
That's a beautiful part.
I've got to get my, I've got to get my away set up, my mobile set up,
because I would have had some great footage if I had that going.
The guy playing banjo, and some of the people I talked to,
it would have been great footage, but I didn't have anything ready.
I didn't have time, I was busy at work, and other projects I have going on,
so I haven't had a chance to get it yet, get it together.
It's too bad though.
I know for a fact, like I said, I used to live down around, or down around Reed Springs, around Branson.
Yeah, of course, I mean, not far.
And used to travel to Eureka all the time.
There's so many great musicians down around there.
There is, and Reed Springs is about about...
They're just great fat.
They are.
They're never made for the top.
No, the reason they did it is because they love their lifestyle down there.
And that is laid back, laid back.
They do what they do, they enjoy it, and they don't expect a whole lot from it.
Except someone would come by and go, hey, that's good, I enjoy that.
I listened to a really good musician at the New Delhi restaurant there in Eureka Springs.
His name is Vince Turner.
And you can look him up on Facebook.
He was really good, I listened to him.
He just came over and started talking to me.
I think he noticed me watching his chord progression and some of the effects he was using.
So I think he's kind of like, oh, that guy is kind of like looking at what I'm doing.
So he came over and started talking to me, and I got along with him very well.
He added me on Facebook, and he's on Facebook, and I really liked him.
The thing is, Vince Turner.
And I didn't even have a chance, we were so busy talking music,
I didn't have a chance to tell him I had a podcast and I was going to mention it on there and everything.
I mean, you know how nerdy we get with music.
We were just like wrapping off all this shit and some of the unknown hits,
and some of the unknown, most talented people, and we were just like having one hell of a discussion.
And by the time he had to go back on stage, I didn't get a chance to tell him,
hey, I'm going to pimp you on there.
I mean, we're in every continent except South America, you fuckers.
So anyhow, I don't know, they speak English in South America.
Why are we not there? I don't get it. It bothers me.
And then one lady we met down at the City Market, oh, I got a friend.
No problem, I'll have her listen.
I don't think she's that good of a friend.
And my ex's uncle used to live in Panama, but he passed away.
Damn it, there was our inlet right there.
There was.
We're never going to be in South America.
Yeah, yeah, because he liked me too. He would have loved it.
Dang it. And he would have, right? He would have been like,
all right, Rob, I probably don't like your guys' disgusting shit, but for you, I'll do it.
No, he would have loved it.
Oh, okay, all right, that's even better then.
He was a cool uncle.
He would have said, what's that shit he just said?
Did you ever have a dream you were eating chocolate pudding and wake up and spoon in your ass?
Is that what he said for real?
Okay, yeah, that was a good question.
Oh, I got a couple of comments about that one.
About what?
Oh, you ever have a dream, the promo that I had our voice guy do?
Yeah.
You ever have a dream you're eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Yeah, yeah, I heard that. I was like, oh my God.
I had a couple of people comment on that and they go, where the hell did you get that?
And I go, I don't know. You know what? I grew up in the Midwest.
We were fucking bored. We come up with stuff like this.
It's either that or Bale Hay. Who the fuck wants to Bale Hay?
We come up with stupid stuff like this, you know?
Okay, everybody's got notes. You got to know Bart.
You got to know Bart.
He comes up with shit out of his ass.
If you look at the history of entertaining radio, a lot of people came from this area for a reason.
Because we're bored out of our skull and all we could use was our imagination growing up.
Right?
Yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
So that's what I'm blaming it on or it could be the water. Who knows? Anyhow.
But I've got something for you, Rob.
I just blame it on the 80s.
That was, yeah, the 80s really kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the 80s. Oh yeah.
But anyway, what word are you saying?
Oh, okay, hang on. Okay.
I'm awful cheerful for just coming off vacation.
Yeah, you are.
Yes. Okay.
Yeah, I'm awful cheerful for a 10 hour day on a Monday.
Oh fuck. I'm sorry.
And ball gravy season and full force.
I've got rest of the week and half a day Saturdays.
Oh, nut gravy season and full force too, Rob. Oh.
Oh, I love it. Money's nice.
That's good. That's good. How's your son doing there? Is he doing good?
Oh, he's doing awesome. I'm getting a lot of good reports, but actually. Good.
We got a truckload of steel in today.
Uh huh.
And when we get a truckload of steel in to put in the bays down where we keep it.
Well, that steel.
It takes three people.
You got a guy on a forklift taking the bundles of steel up off the semi trailer.
I'm familiar, but tell the people that are listening. I know exactly what you're talking about.
Well, I build both trailers. Well, we get bundles of steel in.
And my son just recently went to work for this company that I work for.
You can go ahead and pimp them again. Go ahead and pimp them.
Oh, Robert.
Oh, B&M Manufacturing is the name of our company.
The name of our boat lift is Hall-Rite trailers.
Hall-Rite. Not Hall-Rite. Hall-Rite. Okay.
H-A-U-L-R-I-T-E.
I thought it was Paul-Rite. Okay, Hall-Rite. Okay, got it.
Yeah, haul your boat.
Okay. That makes sense.
Okay. It's a billiards company.
Okay. So anyhow, you got your son on there.
And you're a loading steel truck.
He's been there for like two weeks now.
He's working on our loading dock.
What he does is he gets all of our trailers.
They stack our trailers.
And we have company trucks that deliver them to our distributors.
Okay.
Which we have distributors in Belton, Grandview, Oklahoma, Georgia, Texas.
Yeah, I understand.
We have different drivers.
Well, my son's job is to get all the trailers tied down tightly, ready for travel.
And get all the parts ready and get the trucks ready to head out.
Yes.
And I've been getting a lot of reports on my son, and he's doing great.
Good.
He's turning in to what they were hoping for. His father's child.
Good.
Because I bust my ass for that company.
I know you do. I know you do.
You guys have been a good hard worker and an honest hard worker.
And I expected nothing different on this place. So, good.
That's good to hear.
54 years old. 6 o'clock this morning. I'm in and doing 180,000 pieces of steel.
I don't miss those days. I don't miss those days at all.
I have, well, you know like I do. We have our tricks of the trade.
Yes. Well, yeah, yeah. You use force against leverage.
Exactly. I'll tell you what, that will save you every time.
I used to have to do it with glass all the time.
I could teeter a piece of glass like a magician, dude.
Because you had to out of necessity.
Well, yeah, yeah. Well, mine, it's either find a way to move this 180,000 piece of steel or pick it up and move it.
Find a way to move it is what you do.
28 foot. I happen to have a two wheel dolly that I use as a cart to move my steel.
I lay the dolly down with the handle on the ground and the flat part up.
I just pick up one piece of one end of the steel, move it over the dolly, lay it on it, pop it up, adopt me a cart.
I'm going to handle one end of the steel. I'm not handling 180 pounds.
But after a few of them, it changed the wear on it.
It still does, but you're not handling each one.
That's what you need.
Okay, good, good.
No, my son's doing great there.
I figured he would. Good.
What you got, brother?
Okay. All right. I'm sorry. I thought you were wrapping it up. That's why I started talking.
No, no, no. No, the steel talk, by the way you were going, I thought you were wrapping it up.
Did you have anything else to say? I didn't mean to cut you off or nothing.
No, go ahead, man. Start.
Okay, okay.
Let's get this shit show going.
I have hereby, well, you've known for years, as long as we've been talking again, my love for Yidlin beer, right?
Yes, yes.
All I can get right here is the original. I can't get the light. I can't get nothing.
That's the only kind that I really, really think is just so great is the Yidlin lager.
The original.
The amber, yes.
The dark one.
Well, it's not really that dark. It's amber.
Yeah, yeah. They have a dark beer. They have a black and tan. And then they also have something else.
But anyhow, they have the Hershey's lager.
The original thing between that.
Yeah, the lager. The original Yidlin lager.
I'd buy some.
Okay. That's the amber.
I'd look for the Hershey's.
If they're ever going to have it out here, it just depends because, you know, my love for it, you know, I've worked on the East Coast a long time for my old place.
And that's where I originally found it.
And I really kind of found it by accident because someone was like, man, he goes, a Yidlin draft is messing around.
I'm going, what the hell's a Yidlin?
It's just some guys talking to at a restaurant that we're eating at that night. He goes, this is the best stuff around.
And I'm like, what is it? He goes, yeah, he goes, it's America's oldest beer brewery.
Like, really? Yeah, it's out of Pennsylvania.
So I was like, you know what? Okay. You know what? I'll try one.
You know, so I tried one. I was like, shit.
It had this great multi-taste. And it was just, and it's an amber color, which I love amber beers the best anyhow.
And I seen like how much people love the beer.
And the reason it isn't number one is because it's not nationwide, not even close to nationwide yet.
And they never really wanted to go all the way, you know, nationwide.
They just did what they did for so long and wasn't worried about it, you know.
Well, recently for like the last 10 years, they've been doing a push, adding more and more states.
And we got added here in Missouri finally, the first of the year.
So anyhow, but there was one place that I found the best yiddling around.
And we were doing this job in Sanford, Florida at the college there.
It was really brutal hot. I mean, it was like 95 and just the humidity was just like, I don't know, it had to been like 90%.
You could just wring the air out of that, you know, the water out of the atmosphere.
It was horrid and recurring glass through the parking lot, just bacon in the sun with all our safety vests on,
our harnesses on and our safety hats on.
And I'm just tripping in sweat.
So we're trying to find the hotel room because we just landed that day.
We had to have all our equipment with us on the plane and we had to unload it from the airport, go get a rental car and then, you know, go straight to the job site.
Right. It was that type of deal, which sucks.
I hate going straight to the job site because anyhow, you have to wear your work clothes, your work jeans, your boots,
and then you got to take them off in the airport and put them back on.
You know, it just sucks.
So anyhow, we go to this, we find the hotel and we're both worn out.
We're like, fuck, man.
We flew from like Delaware, New Jersey, I think it's New Jersey, and flew down there to do a job.
And then we got there early in the morning because we finished up that job in New Jersey late that night because it was like what they call a red date or something like that.
And that means that that job had to be done no matter what.
So we're there until like midnight.
We went back to the hotel room, packed that night, took our showers and we was up in like four hours and at the airport in Newark to take off to go to Florida for this job in Sanford, Florida, which is Orlando, Florida, basically.
So we land in Orlando, go straight to the job site and we're worn out from the night before and it's hotter than fuck.
So we get done with the, I don't know, a 10 hour day sweating our nuts off with our harnesses, everything on.
And always.
Yeah.
So we get to the hotel and Brian looks at me, the guy I worked with, and he goes, man, he goes, I, let's just go across the road to that Sunday's barbecue place.
Okay. Yeah. Hopefully, hopefully their barbecue is decent.
Always given a shit about was just a decent barbecue sandwich and we were good.
Well, it was more than decent. It was a really good barbecue and they're a chain, I think primarily in Florida.
So anyhow, I had this young draft there, which I've had up in Delaware and Newark and all these other places.
And, and it was very good. And I was like, man, okay, that's good.
But nothing was as good as a Sunday's barbecue.
And it could have been, yeah, it could have been a combination of working all day, sweating our nuts off.
And I finally get to lay back and have a beer in air condition.
It could have been part of that, but this thing tasted so great.
So anyhow, I'll go ahead with a little story I wrote out here about it.
Gave you a little preface there.
So I hereby found the close second best yin-ling draft.
My first favorite yin-ling draft was from Sunny's barbecue in Sanford, Florida.
I was there on a job, the restaurant, which is a chain, I think mostly in Florida.
We went there after a brutal first day of moving huge pieces of glass in the Florida heat.
I ordered a yin-ling draft in a huge frosted glass.
Bam, perfection.
It was probably the best beer I ever had in my life.
And it was a huge glass.
The multi-taste was perfect.
And Brian and I had dinner.
He went back to the hotel.
While I enjoyed probably four more of these masterpieces, I had like four more.
And they were all just great.
This was in 2019.
So fast forward now to 2023.
Val and I are on a little-many vacay.
And we went out to this amazing show.
It's called The Illusionist Show in Eureka Springs.
When you go down there, check it out.
It's really good.
In Eureka?
In Eureka Springs.
It's called The Illusionist.
It's a magic show.
Oh, cool.
And I got to tell you what happened that was really cool.
I know there's a trick to it somehow.
Like someone's watching you and does it or something.
But I'll get to that here in a minute.
So the show was over around 730.
Prime dinner time in Eureka is packed.
We swing by Armilio's.
It's a fantastic Italian place.
Yes, it is.
Yeah, you've been there?
Yeah.
I've been there.
Oh, it's so good.
It's a two-hour wait, like always.
So we try other places in town, but all over packed.
So we go to Horseshoe Grill.
And Horseshoe Grill is just almost outside of town.
So not as...
Yeah, it's a good place.
Yeah, it's a huge place too.
So they didn't have any wait, so we got right in.
So it's just people don't want to drive that far.
They've been drinking and stuff and out all day in the heat.
So we were willing to drive that far.
At the Horseshoe Grill, they have a perfect margarita with Patrone.
Val and I have always ordered that.
But this time, I see Yenling on the draft.
And I'm like, huh.
I'm like, man, should I?
You know, I don't know.
I've had great Yenlings on draft, but nothing like that one in Sanford, Florida, right?
At Sunny's Barbecue.
Well, this was the second best ever.
Really?
Yes, it was fantastic.
Had that great multi-taste.
It was just...the glass was cold enough, but not too cold.
It was crisp.
It was perfect.
And I looked at Val and I go, this is the second best Yenling I've ever had.
And she gave me this look like, okay, happy for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hopefully, she gave me this look like, hopefully he shuts up about this pretty quick.
So of course I did.
And I'm like, you know what?
I'm just going to go back to the cottage.
I'm going to go back to bed and breakfast and write about it.
Well.
And then tell the world.
So, anyhow, second best Yenling ever.
If you had that opportunity, I've worked 10 hours today.
Man, I'm sorry.
All I'm doing is rubbing it in and I'm not meaning to.
It's called adulting.
It is, and I have to do it starting tomorrow.
Got to get back at it.
So, anyhow.
Yeah, sounds like we're going to be pretty cut short on podcasts this week.
You know what?
We'll figure it out like we always do.
Hey, we'll catch it this weekend.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll catch up Saturday.
Or if you want to do it later one of these nights, get home about 930.
Nah, don't feel like it.
Well, it depends on what kind of day I had that day.
You know what? We'll figure it out as we go.
We'll just text like we always do.
Right, tonight I'm fine.
The later in the week, the more busy I get.
Okay, you know what?
We'll try to go for a little while tonight and then we'll see what we can do after that.
So that's fine.
I'll keep in touch with you.
Okay, like we always do.
We always figure it out.
We always get it in.
Always. We got to.
Yeah, we do.
Yeah, we got to yap.
That's what we do.
That's what we do best.
Yeah, yeah.
Yep, that's what we do best.
So here we are.
Our stories go to hell when you talk.
Oh yeah.
We go down so many different rabbit holes.
People are probably like, when you fucking just finished what you started.
I'm kind of curious about this damn beer.
And you're talking about everything else except the fucking beer.
Yeah, whatever.
Everybody thought it was bad, but you and Topher, it's really going to be bad with me and him.
We both get distracted.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, yeah.
And then the big fucking bear lunged at the car.
Hey, is that?
Oh my God.
I just found my, I found my watch.
I found my kiss watch from when I was a kid.
Yeah, so anyhow, I was going to go into The Illusionist.
The Illusionist is a show in Eureka Springs, Arkansas.
They actually are in an old church.
And they're very good.
So down below is a bathroom on the second floor.
And you go in there and they have poem reading and stuff like that.
And these different booths that you can go to.
But right next to it is this lit up Houdini sign in his famous upside down photo.
I'm like, oh.
So I've seen that.
You posted it on Facebook.
I've seen it.
Yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, oh, cool.
So I go and I snap a picture of it, OK?
I go and I take my piss and I go back up to the seat.
And it's not Houdini on there.
It's their brand, their magic show.
Yeah.
The Illusionist.
And so it has to be some sort of a trick.
Like someone is watching on camera.
And when you go and take a snap a picture of Houdini, they click it really quick.
And they snap to their show.
But it was I went up there and I go, hey, hey, look at this Houdini pic I got.
Wait a minute.
Yeah.
I even said something to the lady.
Not of the show, but to the lady.
I go, man, I go, whatever trick they got going downstairs.
I go, it's pretty fucking good.
I didn't say fucking.
I go, it's pretty good.
And she goes, what trick?
I go, when you snap a picture of Houdini.
And she's like, what?
And I go, you know what?
Forget it.
Either she really didn't know.
Either she didn't know they were doing that.
Or she was so good at playing it off, I felt like a dumbass.
I would say you should probably feel like a.
I should probably feel like a dumbass.
I was like, oh no, he just clicked off.
Anyhow, I will just keep talking and rattling here while I call Rob back.
So anyhow, I just I grabbed my Coke and I got the fuck out of there.
I grabbed my Mexican Coca-Cola with real cane sugar in a bottle and I left.
So let's see if he answers.
Do what?
There you are.
I was seeing if you answered.
OK, there you are.
No, no.
I don't know what to.
I mean, I mean, I even put in my wire to your pocket tonight.
Well, it hung up and I called you back.
You just hung up and you had called me back.
Yeah.
Well, OK, in between, I said what I did was I grabbed my Mexican Coca-Cola with real cane sugar in a bottle.
And I got the fuck out of there because that lady either played it off so good or had no idea they played that trick.
I left in shame and I came back and I go, oh, wait a minute, can I get my bottle open?
I don't have a bottle opener.
Sure, I can.
OK, thank you.
So anyhow, I've got a question for you, Rob.
I got an answer, hopefully.
OK.
Have you ever heard the word hate?
It's like ain't with an H in it.
Ain't with an H.
Haint.
H-A-I-N-T.
Haint.
No, no.
OK.
Haint is an Ozark, Arkansas and word for ghost.
Really?
Yes, I did not know this until the guy, John, who is...
You were in the regular reach, huh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The host at our bed and breakfast, John, is he had great stories.
And the first one he started off with is Haint.
And the first thing it rung in my head was this is going to make a terrific podcast story.
Haint is the name of a ghost.
They call them Haints.
Yeah.
Instead of calling them ghosts down there, they call them Haints.
I even used it a couple of times to send to locals and they responded appropriately.
So they still use it.
So Haint is ghost, right?
Yeah.
So Haint blue is an old fashioned color that is supposed to ward off spirits and ghosts.
It's kind of a odd blue and you'll see a lot of porches painted in that color down there
because they either think they're spirits around there or that's what the people did a long time ago
and they just kept the original theme because it's cool.
Yeah.
Or maybe they still believe that ghosts and spirits are around there
because Eureka Springs is supposed to be one of the most haunted places in America.
And I'll get to that right now.
So Haint...
I know what you're talking about.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm going to go into it right now.
So.
Ghost word.
Haint is an Arkansas name for ghost.
You can even look it up.
It's the unofficial word.
It's just like ain't only with an H in front of it.
We stayed and highly recommend Hidden Springs Bed and Breakfast.
It's fantastic cottages on a large hill with plenty of trees and scenery.
We're out there feeding the deers by hand.
All different kinds of stuff.
Oh yeah.
I mean we didn't get to see any bears again but maybe one day.
I don't know.
I want to see a bear so bad.
I mean and here's why.
A Missouri black bear is docile.
They will not hurt you.
So they're fine.
You can get near one of them and they will walk off.
They won't mess with you.
They're probably a little bit more afraid of you or leery.
Maybe not afraid but leery of you.
They are.
Yeah.
They're fairly shy for a big creature.
So.
We have black bears around Lakeville.
Oh yeah.
You have a lot of them actually.
You got a large population of them there.
Oh they're.
No.
They're popping up more and more.
They really are.
Well we even have one in Pleasant Hill.
They have it on a room cam that was walking through their back door.
In Pleasant Hill?
Yeah it was walking through their back yard and they got the ring cam on their back door.
Picked up the bear.
Yeah I haven't told you yet but I've been talking to an old girlfriend of mine in Pleasant Hill so.
Oh alright.
We'll talk about that later.
Okay that's cool.
You know what.
Let's not ruin anything because we have a podcast.
We're it's podcast.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Okay so like I said we stayed in the highly recommend Hidden Springs Bed and Breakfast.
Fantastic cottages on a large hill with plenty of trees and scenery.
Nature at ease.
Walls.
Squirrels.
Deer.
Rabbits.
And occasional bears but we did not see one.
But not you know.
We didn't see a bear but there are bears there.
You know the bears.
The bears are kind of like oversized dogs is what I would call them.
But anyhow they even have white squirrels which came from South America and there's a story behind it.
But I couldn't hear the guy very well because some guy was trying to truck up a hill and it sounded like his transmission was going out.
But he was talking about how the white squirrel showed up in Eureka Springs.
There's a ton of them there.
White squirrels.
There's a ton of white squirrels.
They're not albino.
They're white squirrels.
Oh Lord that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
What do you call a bundle of hay in church?
Christian Bale.
Ha ha ha.
Two tool bags and a socket wrench will be right back.
Anyhow we saw a ton of white squirrels.
I'm going to post some pictures of the white squirrels on Facebook.
You'll see them.
I will.
And then deer, no big deal.
I had a deer eat out of my hand before.
If you feed them and are nice to them they will come to you.
I mean not all of them but there's a percentage of them that will.
We had a fawn that was pregnant come up.
It was just fun.
I'm not a hunter.
Never have been a hunter.
I'm not mad at hunters.
You eat.
That's fine.
I get it.
I'm just a friend deer and nature and all that.
But anyhow.
I was a hunter when I was a kid.
But I got older and started liking nature.
I buy my stuff from the store or from a butcher.
Same here.
I don't have to do it.
I got a middle man and I don't want to do it.
I don't have full intruders.
I'm going to start off this whole thing by giving a rundown of the Crescent Hotel.
Since we are talking about haunted.
I think I've probably talked about the Crescent Hotel on this podcast before.
So just bear with me if you've heard it before.
You're fine.
I understand.
I have been there.
It's a pretty unique place.
So anyhow, number one, it's rated the number one haunted hotel in America by several different entities.
Several different places that keep track of this stuff.
Rated as the number one.
When they go in there with their equipment and their paranormal.
It's off the hook in there.
And there's good reason.
They have one room in there that they offer a backup room because if the ghost doesn't like you.
It literally packs your luggage while you're away.
Wow.
Now you see they can't camera up a hotel room.
That's illegal.
Right. Right. Right.
But people have came in and they can't go into there and do that.
That would be illegal too.
They couldn't take all your stuff and just throw it in a.
You know in a in your suitcase.
And then put it you know right next to the door for you to leave.
So I don't think they're doing that either.
So I mean and probably if you put a camera in there.
The spirit probably wouldn't do it anyhow.
Be like I can't screw you guys.
I see you.
I'm right here.
So anyhow.
And I talked to several people that one of them said he passed the test.
He was fine.
He said he went back and everything was fine.
Nothing mess with.
And another person said that didn't like him.
They came in there and everything was packed for him.
They said OK no questions asked.
They called down and said hey I need another room.
They said OK try this room right here.
We'll be up there with a key.
So yeah.
So I thought I thought that was pretty interesting.
Dr. Baker the guy that that we're going to talk about that the reason this place is so haunted.
Was a radio talk show host when he claimed that the mineral water in the basin springs would cure cancer.
1937.
I heard that.
It's all true.
Down there.
If you go in the Crescent you go to the pizza parlor upstairs.
That is overlooking the hills.
It's half half outdoors half indoors is beautiful.
And I highly suggest it.
Anyhow all that memorabilia is up there all the articles about Dr. Baker and you know and in all the stuff he did.
It's just it's pure evil.
So anyhow he said the basin springs with water would cure cancer.
1937 Dr.
Norin Baker purchased the hotel from the soon to be cancer for the soon to be cancer hospital he was opening with this in quotations mineral water that allegedly cured cancer but obviously didn't.
He advertised no surgery no radium the mineral water cured the cancer.
So these people had no other options were going there right.
They didn't want to get radiated.
They didn't want to get cut into.
Their prognosis was horrible right.
They're probably terminal prognosis.
So they had nowhere else to go except this guy that said he could cure it with mineral water.
So of course a certain percentage of people wanted to see their grandkids get married went to him.
Yeah.
And had the money of course.
So the scam.
The scam went on for years.
He had patients stay there.
He had forced had them write letters to their loved ones.
And I got this story and also it's probably in writing too from people at work there that know all about this letters that he had them write letters to their loved ones in advance saying that they were fine and they're getting better.
He said because the treatment would prevent them for a while from doing so he needed their complete attention.
No distractions.
And then he would know the letters little by little in many cases after their death.
So people are already dead.
They already burned them up in their incinerator that they had to put there that in their makeshift more.
Well they had an actual more downstairs.
And while he's burning these people up and long after they're gone he would send these letters that their loved ones wrote saying hey I'm fine everything's good love you guys see you soon.
Is that not fucking evil.
Yes it is.
That is Satan.
Right there.
That is the belly of evil.
So he you know.
I want to talk about this subject off the air and we might be covering more of this.
I want to go down there and do a podcast.
No I'm not just talking there I'm just talking about.
Supernatural.
Well I got a good friend at work Jake he is wanting to do a supernatural podcast and as soon as he gets around to doing it I'm going to sponsor it on our on our platform.
Dude I'm all in.
Well you know what we'll talk about it off air.
I have been wanting to go to our fellows home at the liberty.
Yeah.
Which I'm sure you've heard of.
I know all about it I know someone who went there.
Yes.
OK.
Well let me tell you something Mark.
OK.
My my great grandmother died there.
Wow.
I grew up walking in halls.
Really.
Visiting other patients when my mom took me to visit.
Great grandma.
Uh huh.
I walked up and down the halls with other patients.
Wow.
OK.
I don't want to go in there so bad.
But we'll talk about that later.
And we can do a whole podcast around this even before we go.
That is a podcast.
OK.
All right.
Let me finish this and then if you want to go into it after this that's fine.
That's fine with me.
No I got other shit online so.
OK.
All right.
Well let me finish this and we'll get to some of your thoughts and we'll see we'll see where we're at.
So.
All right.
He had a.
He you know.
So we had him write letters.
In many cases they were already dead.
So anyhow he had a morgue in the basement and.
And.
And an incinerator next to it.
They would cremate the bodies.
They did experiments on a lot of the corpses.
Well really ghoulish ones almost like Dr.
Mangala stuff from what I understand.
Yeah.
So you know so that now the hotel appears to be haunted when all the tourist attractions
started popping up in the area.
The porch and the exterior were painted with a Saint Blue.
It was believed to keep spirits out.
It's a pale blue.
Well it's not.
It's kind of a sharp pale blue color.
I don't know if you'd almost almost a dull turquoise.
I've heard of it.
Yeah.
Hidden Springs Bed and Breakfast is no different.
And you know.
It was extremely interesting when this guy was telling me that.
Because I did notice the odd color porches in a lot of areas there.
And there appeared to me after he said it he didn't say this but I noticed this.
The closer you get to the crescent.
The more blue porches and exteriors the Saint Blue that you saw there.
And that's either left over people that believe it still.
That it keeps spirits out and the spirits are there wandering around.
Or they do it out of tradition.
That's the color the house was way back then and they just keep it like that.
But for whatever reason they still have this Saint Blue and I would guess it's a best seller around that area.
So.
Really?
Yeah.
That was pretty interesting I can tell you that.
And.
So.
There was a lot of other stories too but I'm not going to go into them.
And if you want to go into paranormal stuff.
Not.
Okay.
I do.
Yes I do.
But I want them to be one off podcasts.
I don't want them to be a regular.
I'm just talking about my trip right now and what I've and what I experienced there right now.
I want it to be labeled as a paranormal podcast.
And I want it.
We'll do that.
No no no that's what I'm saying.
Okay yes.
You told me right now I've got a lot of stories.
I've got some names that I'm.
I got some alien shit coming up too that you don't know about.
Okay.
Very good.
Just so everybody knows.
And we're going to say this once again.
Me and Mark are two and a half hours apart.
Yes.
He don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what he's doing.
No.
We bring this show together.
I could be fingering my ass right now for all he knows.
To be honest I am right now.
Oh good.
Awesome.
Hey hey speaking of that did you get any more pics?
Not yet.
Damn it.
No no no guns but you chased me up though.
Guns?
I gotta admit they caught me by surprise.
Actually I made kind of a try and win him.
He's kind of a likable guy dude.
He really is.
Okay that's cool.
He did it for the show.
Where is he at?
Where is he from?
Uganda.
He's from Uganda and he listens to our show.
Man that's awesome.
We need to get him to call in sometime.
I mean we probably got maybe only him from Uganda doesn't it?
No we do have.
Uganda was not mentioned on your show.
That's because we only had like I don't know like ten downloads from there.
Yeah yeah well.
It must be Gonza.
Yeah part of SPN.
Yeah I mean it was too small for me to really mention.
I really I mean if you mention all the hits we've had I mean it would take hours.
If this guy hits up and there's only that many he's got money.
Yeah and he has a sense of humor too.
That's awesome.
Yeah well I don't know he might be taking it serious.
He keeps messaging me.
Oh no okay well that's not what we that is not what we intended.
It was a dummy.
No no no no it's alright it's alright.
I got it I got it.
I know you got yourself you're good but.
Who would have known only this podcast would lead to that.
We're the dating game.
Uganda man.
I don't know if he was saying something.
I mean he probably don't want to go bang a zebra right.
So yeah I get it.
I get it.
I get it or a giraffe or whatever the fuck they have down there elephants I don't know.
Hippopotamus you're not gonna yeah rhinoceros no you're not gonna.
No dolphin maybe.
I might do a dolphin.
The blowhole.
I'll tell you stories later.
Okay.
Oh anyhow you have some stuff.
No no no no no no.
That's that actually there is some stories about people doing that to blow holes in dolphins
and it's very disgusting.
Oh no no I ain't talking blow holes.
Okay okay.
I'm talking strippers.
Oh okay.
Oh like the reed spring strippers at Spanx.
No no no not strippers.
Shrimpers.
Oh oh.
Four poters.
Shrimpers okay.
Yeah.
Okay gotcha gotcha.
All right.
I got some stories about that.
Okay coming up a little bit later you said that you had some stuff that you wanted to
get to.
I have objects versus objects.
You know how I did like vegetables versus vegetables.
It started off with fruits versus fruits.
Now I just wanted to.
I got you one today.
Yes.
Yes I did see that.
That would be a good one.
I thought that's what I said.
That would be on the next one because I've got this one written out already.
That's fine.
Okay but this is just objects versus objects and there's no rhyme or reason.
It's just weird stuff that is sitting on the deck of and watching nature and come up with
weird shit that could fight each other and we're just going to discuss who would win.
I didn't feel like picking a winner.
I just felt like picking a fight.
And that's it.
Always.
All right.
Okay but anyhow you had some stuff on your mind so Rob.
No go ahead go ahead.
Okay.
All right.
But like I said you know this started off walking through Costco and I'm sitting there
and I'm looking at some fruit and I'm like looking at some plums.
I go hmm what if that plum jumped out and just started fist fighting that fucking orange.
Who would win?
And then just went on from there.
I started looking around.
I went hmm what if that pineapple started kicking the shit out of that musk melon.
And so anyhow it's weird shit that my mind comes up with and you know whatever.
We all have that stuff.
So anyhow this is objects versus objects and I had this on a little mini vacay just sitting
there in nature and this is the crap that my mind came up with and sure probably I'm
probably very disappointed in myself.
I don't know.
So anyhow the first one is.
No I'm not either.
I'm whether or not this is yeah anyhow the first one is an electric can opener versus
a waffle iron.
Oh wow.
I know.
Electric can opener is vicious.
It will rip a can wide open but a waffle iron will burn the piss out of you.
I give it to the waffle iron.
I gotta think about it.
Okay.
No no no no don't take it.
I give it to the waffle iron.
I see where you're coming from and here's what I'm thinking here.
An electric can opener has that plastic part on it right?
Where you grip it?
Okay yeah I wouldn't think about that.
A waffle iron oh this is the way I see it.
A waffle iron could wrap itself around there and burn it.
Okay yeah.
And then once it starts dipping into the melting the plastic it's probably one right?
The whole thing is the waffle iron has to get on top of them and do this right off the
bat.
If not the can opener will like just start shredding them with this tooth this big tooth
there that goes through the cans right?
Okay right there was my whole battle.
So the can opener ain't gonna let the waffle iron get on top of it.
The can opener is just gonna jump up with this big tooth.
It's just gonna start gnawing it.
Okay alright.
That's my opinion.
I think I'm gonna go with the can opener too because I just don't see an electric can
opener just sitting there taking it.
I see it just like going uh uh boy watch this shit.
It's gonna jump on top of it and just start gnawing the piss out of it right?
It means you don't eat the hell out of it.
I think so too.
Yeah.
This next one is interesting because it's the same thing you can look at it from every
different way.
This would be a toaster versus a blender.
Blender, blender, blender, blender.
I agree because a toaster is kind of docile right?
I mean you put your toast in and it just pops and the toast.
It just goes rrrrrrrrrrrr.
It just starts.
Toaster takes forever.
Okay.
Blender.
Alright blender is a clear winner on there.
So far we have the can opener and the blender.
So we have the kitchen household.
Yeah.
Well I'm going into something different now.
Couch versus recliner.
I'm gonna go with the recliner because a couch can't kick you.
A recliner can take that little piece back or if it's electric you can hit the button
and it will tssssstt and kick out right?
Now, if a couch jumps up and lands on a recliner it will win.
Okay I got you here.
Yeah.
So, are you thinking, I think a couch is too docile.
I think a recliner is more like a, got a little kick to it, a little meanness to it, a little
roughness and it's gonna be sizing up that couch ahead of time.
I think the couch is gonna be over there on one side of the room, the recliner is gonna
be over on the other and the recliner is gonna be over there fucking smoking cigarettes just
waiting.
As soon as that fucking couch says one word I'm nailing it.
I'm gonna blast it right in the face.
Okay well here's what I had.
Okay.
I'm sitting in a double recliner.
Ah yes.
And I'm looking at my couch.
You can take that couch can't you?
No no no listen my couch reclines at both ends.
Oh shit.
I never thought about that.
Okay.
That puts a whole different spin on it.
Your couch is gonna win.
My vote is my feet.
Okay so.
Not the whole thing.
My feet.
I got a recliner.
Okay.
Alrighty.
I have, like I said I have a double recliner and a couch that reclines on both ends.
I went with recliner all the way on this.
Go ahead.
Yeah recliner is more personal.
I think a recliner.
It's gonna have more attitude.
I see a recliner is kind of like a badass a little James Dean type in the corner with
white t-shirt smoking a cigarette and it's just like waiting for the couch to mouth off
so it can take it down.
I think the couch is like going over there man that couch is a pussy and I can't wait
to beat it's ass in front of everybody.
Oh Rob.
Hung up again accidentally so we're gonna call him back.
Let's see Rob.
Beep beep.
Choo choo.
Alright.
And here we go again.
I'm here.
Okay.
Alright.
I hit a button and they fucked my whole damn phone up.
Okay.
I said they're making fun of you the whole time.
You'll hear it on the podcast.
I will.
Okay.
So okay we both go with recliner right?
Yeah let's go with recliner.
Okay.
Next one.
Baseball cap versus sun visor.
That's a stupid fucking question.
I know that's why I put it in there.
I've worn a fucking baseball hat most of my life dude.
I'm going with sun visor.
Why?
Just because.
Just to be a dick.
I'm doing it to be a dick Rob.
Sun visor will kick your hats ass dude.
No honestly.
Yeah.
You have to disagree at some point and here we go.
Okay.
I'm hat all the way.
I'm going sun visor.
You do what you gotta do.
Alright.
Okay.
I wear a hat.
You know what?
Here's this.
Okay.
Anybody.
Anybody you're welcome to vote.
On any of these send your vote in to douchebagsandmicrophone.net and soon to DouchebagsandMicrophone either
at Live.com or Gmail.
I gotta figure out the best option and how to connect them away from my other emails.
As soon as I figure that out we're going to have a regular email besides to DouchebagsandMicrophone.net
because that is kind of hard to operate because it's a GoDaddy site and I understand why people
aren't really using it that much.
I've had some complaints about it.
So I'm going to have a regular one.
So just give me a couple weeks here.
One that I can disattach from my work email.
All that stuff.
You know everything else that I do in life.
I don't want this to be a part of it.
I want this to where I can go to it and then leave it.
Which ain't much like me.
So anyhow.
Yes.
You don't do shit.
Yeah.
You're like me.
Yeah.
You don't do shit.
Yeah.
That's it.
Okay.
The next one.
The catch pad.
I'm going to go to the parking space.
It's got to be tough with all the cars that land on it.
Okay.
Let me clear this one up here.
Okay Rob.
Okay.
I used to work for Missouri Public Service.
You know who that is?
The electric company in the city.
Yes.
Gas company wasn't it?
Avergee.
Yeah.
Avergee is a gas company.
It's fire now.
I don't know what it is.
Okay.
I know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
It was a gas company.
The two buildings on 350 Highway in retail.
Yes.
I used to be maintenance on them two buildings.
Okay.
But anyway.
I used to go to that.
You know it was a bigger company.
Then that was the gas company.
Yeah.
They got placed up 9th and Baltimore.
Yes.
They still do.
But it's a different name.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know that parking garage.
It used to be Bank of America.
That was the next door.
Yeah.
But they all shared the 7th floor parking garage.
Yes.
I used to power watch that parking garage at 9th dude.
In my off time.
I spent two, three hours a night to go down there just to power watch it.
Wow.
Yeah.
I spent two, three hours a night to go down there just to power watch it.
Wow.
Took my own power watch for my own vehicle or whatever.
Yeah.
That was off duty after working hours.
Me and Topher rode scooters in that thing.
Huh?
Me and Topher rode scooters in that thing last year.
They kept trying to catch us but we kept going out the back.
You shouldn't see the shit I did in there while I was working in it.
We were flying through there ringing our little bell going, ding, ding, ding.
There's that fucking guy.
He fucking started looking.
I remember talking about the garage down at the very end of the night in Baltimore.
Yes.
It runs into a garage.
Yes.
That's the one I'm talking about.
It ran into a garage.
Oh, God.
I used to power watch that fucking garage dude.
We're very aware of it.
Back in the 90s.
As a matter of fact, when we talked to Topher, I'm pretty sure we'll talk to him at least
on a podcast or something.
I love him.
We'll ask him about that great scooter adventure that we're having fun with there.
I miss him.
I'd love to hear from Topher.
I think he'll be back at least not part time if not full time or something.
Like I said, my whole plan is-
You mentioned it.
Leave it right there.
You mentioned it once.
Yes.
My whole plan is to take this whole ball of shit and bring it all together.
You, Topher, and me.
Yes.
I remember each other.
More douchebags of Marriott.
Yes.
More upstairs.
I could run through this while I was doing that.
All right.
The name is still gonna be too.
Yes.
The name's staying too because I paid good money to make that fucking thing.
Okay.
Parking space or sketch pad?
I'd rather have the parking space.
Me, too.
Next one?
As you pick up and erase.
race. Yep, yeah you pick up in a race it's dainty. Parking space is rugged. It gets parked
on by cars and trucks and everything. The occasional scooter by a couple of douche bags.
You know. Spitt on by a redneck. Oh yeah, yep, yep. Shitt on by homeless. This on somebody
that's gotta go. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yep. Trust me I've watched it. I believe it.
Okay, Curlin Iron versus steel toe boot. Huh? Curlin Iron versus steel toe boot. Now. I'll
give it the steel toe boot. Me too because I've worn enough of them in my life and they're
strong son of bitches. Matter of fact the last steel toe boot I wore in my life was
put in a press break to see if it would bend it because when they sold it to me they said
it would not bend and they were correct. I wear them to this day. Yeah, yeah they're
great. I keep steel every day. Yep, yeah, yep. A Curlin Iron is mean, it's tough, but
a steel toe boot is tougher. Now, now the steel toe boot is going to get up and unplug
the Curlin Iron. I think it's just going to step on it and smash it. Yeah, yeah. Alright,
next one is interesting. Cookie dough versus ice cream. What? Cookie dough versus what?
Ice cream. Oh shit dude, you got my two favorite subjects wrapped up in one. I know, but I've
got a definite answer on this one, I thought about it. Ice cream. I thought cookie dough
because ice cream melts. No. Okay. Ice cream freezes. Okay, so you think that ice cream
could jump out of the freezer and kick cookie dough's ass and not melt that much. Okay,
so you're brain different. Yeah, I've thought about this. Yeah, I just thought of it. You
see, I think cookie dough would run around while ice cream was trying to catch it and
it would just keep melting. It would frost you to snowmane. No, no, you're right. Cookie
dough would win. Yeah, yeah, as much as I like ice cream better. It would stay together.
Yeah, cookie dough I think would win. You got that one. Okay, alright, alright, so the
next one, green tea versus lemonade. Green tea. I'm going to go with lemonade. I don't
like green tea, but I got to get the green tea. I don't like green tea either. I'm a
tea drinker. But you like Louisiana and stuff like that, right? The sun tea. Black tea, orange
tea. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go with lemonade just because it's more acidy. But I wouldn't
be opposed to tea. You have a point there. That's what I saw right off. I mean, I don't
know. I mean, I guess green tea would be, tea is tougher than lemonade. It has caffeine
in it. So would green tea, well does green tea have caffeine in it? Nope. Okay, okay.
But then I could pose a scenario where green tea outlasts lemonade because it's on caffeine.
No, you know what? You're right. I give it to lemonade. Yeah, I think lemonade is more
acidy. The lemon would be. Oh yeah. Okay, all right, lemonade. You're right. You're
right. Okay. This next one. Like I said, you're throwing this shit at me. I don't know. Well,
I mean. And that's what you got to understand. Everybody has to understand. What he's saying
and what I'm saying, we have no clue. No, I know because I wrote these out. The only
advantage I have over you to think this out is when I wrote it out, I might have thought,
but other than that. And we live two hours, two and a half hours apart. Yeah, yeah. I
mean, we're doing very well for what we have to work with. I mean, we really are. Me and
you have not seen each other since. Shit, I don't know what you're. Oh gosh. 80 something
maybe. 80s, maybe early 90s, maybe. Could be early 90s. It could have been early 90s.
I think it was late 80s. I think it was 80s too. Also, I think so. We're back together.
We're loving it. It's fantastic. Always one of my better friends. Always. All right. Motor
oil versus axle grease. Grease. Grease. It's thicker. I use it every day at work. Think
of all the ball bearings that you can lubricate with them and then, you know, motor oil would
have to be in an engine and get hot to do anything. There's no guarantee it could have
an engine around. It might just be motor oil in a plastic container. You know, so yeah.
So I'm going with axle grease too. Yeah, axle grease. It's thick. This next. I'm not getting
through axle grease. No. I have a hard time getting soap to go through axle grease. Yeah.
Yep. Okay. This next one is weird and I don't know if I can come up with a definitive answer
because I don't know. I'm just not thinking of anything. Spray paint versus aluminum foil.
And this is the last one. Spray paint versus aluminum foil. Yes. Aluminum foil. Okay. You
think that aluminum foil can wrap itself around spray paint can and. It won't cover anything.
Okay. Okay. You talk me into it. No, no, no. I mean, I didn't really have an opinion on
this. Yeah. Yeah. Nope. You know what? That is as good as anything. Just wrap a little
bit around it. Yep. Sounds good. All right. And I was listening to some of the old ones
the other day. I've come up with some other battles for some of the old ones. Write some
out. Write some out. No, no, no. They have to listen to the old ones. No, it's all right.
Don't listen to some of the old ones. Okay. You were talking about carrot and celery battle.
All the carrots I do is stand up and stab it. Yeah. To douchebagsandmicrophone.net, you're
one stop for everything douchebaggery. You want to write us? You want to say something
to us? You want to look for a live button when we go live, you can call in. All of the
stuff is right there for your ear holes and eye holes. You got it, chumps. It's all yours.
To douchebagsandmicrophone.net is up and running. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Don't
forget to hit the subscribe button. Hey, where did they go? Where are the douchebags? Oh my
God. Someone took a dump in the corner. Oh jeez. Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they
don't come back. Man, that smells.