1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,000 from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River, 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:13,000 it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast. 4 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,000 As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, 5 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,000 two douchebags and a microphone. 6 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,000 Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half. 7 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,000 Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose. 8 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:37,000 Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child. 9 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:41,000 It's okay, I have a clown nose. 10 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:46,000 Clown nose, just put one in your mouth and you'll be fine. 11 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:52,000 It's okay, I have a clown nose. 12 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:10,000 Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back. 13 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:33,000 Rob, do you want Rob's ranch? Is that what you're asking? 14 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,000 Oh, okay, that's going to come later at the end of the podcast. 15 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:41,000 Okay, well hey, hang on, okay, a little misunderstanding there, sorry. 16 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:46,000 I have insults to shut people down with. 17 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,000 There you go. 18 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:51,000 Yeah, and this comes from one of these newer websites. 19 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,000 You know, it's talking about the new, what the hell is the name of it? 20 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:59,000 The New Urban Contemporary Dictionary for Young Adults or whatever the fuck it was. 21 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,000 Oh, that goddamn thing again. 22 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:04,000 No, no, no, no, this is a website like that. 23 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:07,000 This is Younger People's Insults. 24 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,000 But it's one of these websites that I've been searching, it was given to me, 25 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:15,000 because I've been looking up bullshit like the New Contemporary Urban Dictionary of whatever. 26 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,000 Yeah, that's what I thought you were talking about. 27 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,000 Yeah, I already forgot the name. 28 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:23,000 I actually found out what the name of it was and I forgot it, but anyhow. 29 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:28,000 These are what they say, Younger Insults, Younger People's Insults, what they think is funny. 30 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,000 They think this is funny and the stuff we say is not. 31 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:37,000 And some of them are pretty funny from what I'm just like kind of skimming over here. 32 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,000 Okay, first one is if someone says something to you and then you go, 33 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:46,000 Someday you'll go far and I hope you stay there. 34 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,000 Eh, okay. 35 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:55,000 Okay, that, yeah, that sounds like something we would have said. 36 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,000 Yeah, I don't know about these websites. 37 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:03,000 I think I'm fucking batting about like 50 right now, 0.50. 38 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,000 I'm going to read them anyhow, what the fuck. 39 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,000 Yeah, that's what I thought you were talking about. 40 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,000 Oh, this one, okay, okay. 41 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,000 I didn't read it all, but I think, okay. 42 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,000 And unless someone badgers you about something, you go, 43 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,000 I love what you've done with your hair. 44 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:22,000 How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? 45 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,000 Oh my God. 46 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,000 That one's pretty good. 47 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,000 That made me snicker. 48 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,000 That's a good one. 49 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,000 That is a good one. 50 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:34,000 Now this next one's easy to read and I couldn't help but read it all and it's pretty good. 51 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:38,000 You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. 52 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:42,000 That one's pretty good too. 53 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,000 I like that one. 54 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,000 Yeah, I like that one. 55 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,000 Oh, this next one I've heard before, but I like it. 56 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:55,000 You bring everyone in this room joy when you leave. 57 00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:00,000 I've heard that a few times. 58 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,000 I've heard that a few times. 59 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,000 I've seen it on signs. 60 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,000 Not towards me. 61 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:10,000 Everyone that enters this business brings us joy. 62 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,000 Some people when they walk in, some people when they leave. 63 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,000 You ever see that one? 64 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:20,000 Yeah, I have. 65 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,000 Okay. 66 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,000 Yeah, that's what I thought. 67 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,000 Oh, this one's good. 68 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:33,000 Now this is younger insults that they say this is stuff they find funny that they think are old funny, duddy shit is not funny. 69 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,000 They think this stuff is funny. 70 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:38,000 Some of it is good, but I still think we've had better insults, don't you? 71 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,000 Oh, yeah. 72 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,000 Okay. 73 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,000 Anyhow, keep rolling your eyes. 74 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:47,000 You might eventually find a brain. 75 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,000 That's good. 76 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,000 It's solid. 77 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,000 Yeah, it's solid. 78 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:56,000 I mean, it's not like a real knee slapper or nut tugger. 79 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,000 It's just kind of like, okay. 80 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:01,000 Oh, this next one is fucking awesome. 81 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,000 Listen to this one. 82 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:09,000 You have so many gaps in your teeth, it looks like your tongue is in jail. 83 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,000 Oh, I like that. 84 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,000 That one's good. 85 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,000 I remember that one. 86 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,000 I will give him that one. 87 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,000 I got to give it. 88 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,000 That's the best one so far. 89 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,000 That is really good. 90 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:25,000 Yeah, I'll give him that one. 91 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,000 This next one's pretty good, but you got to think about it in a second. 92 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:37,000 It's impossible to underestimate you. 93 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,000 I want to get you a couple seconds after. 94 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:43,000 You're like, okay. 95 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,000 Okay. 96 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,000 I got it. 97 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,000 Yeah. 98 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:53,000 This next one, I used to say to people a long time ago, and evidently, they think they came up with it. 99 00:05:53,000 --> 00:06:00,000 I'll never forget the first time we met, but I will keep trying. 100 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,000 That's an old one. 101 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,000 Yeah, but it's still good. 102 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:07,000 They didn't come up with it. 103 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,000 Next one, this is good. 104 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,000 I'm not insulting you. 105 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,000 I'm describing you. 106 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,000 I like that one. 107 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,000 I like that one. 108 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,000 This next one is really good, too. 109 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:25,000 I like this one priced second, next to the gaps in the teeth. 110 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,000 Don't worry. 111 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:37,000 The first 30 years of childhood are the hardest. 112 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,000 Oh, I got so many I want to tell that, too. 113 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,000 I got a few people I can tell that to. 114 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,000 Yeah. 115 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,000 I'm under 40. 116 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,000 Yep. 117 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,000 Switching gears here. 118 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,000 Do you like iced tea? 119 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,000 I'm not talking about the artist. 120 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:02,000 I'm talking about the drink, iced tea. 121 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,000 Oh, yeah. 122 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:07,000 Yeah, that's my main drink. 123 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,000 Okay. 124 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,000 Do you like the Arizona brand? 125 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,000 No, I make my own. 126 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,000 Okay. 127 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,000 Well, have you had the Arizona brand? 128 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,000 Yeah, I have had it. 129 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,000 Do you like it? 130 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,000 Is it okay? 131 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,000 It's all right. 132 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000 Okay. 133 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:32,000 Well, Arizona brand has come out with hard iced tea, real brewed iced tea. 134 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:39,000 So here's what it says here in the foodandwine.com says this. 135 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:47,000 We've officially hit the summer solstice, which means it's time for barbecues, picnics, and other sunny afternoon activities with friends. 136 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:52,000 And it's time of the year when many of us reach for a cold can of Arizona iced tea, except Rob doesn't. 137 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,000 He brews his own. 138 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,000 Yes, I do. 139 00:07:55,000 --> 00:08:01,000 But do you do sun tea or do you do like brewing over like Lipton tea or what, you know, or Luzi? 140 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,000 I just have tea bags in a pan. 141 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,000 Oh, you heard it right there. 142 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:11,000 Rob likes tea bagging. 143 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,000 It was right there, Rob. 144 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,000 Sorry. 145 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:23,000 So not only does he want ass up, not only does he like ass up face turned around, but he likes tea bagging too. 146 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:28,000 So keep that in mind when you're sending him the male body parts pics. 147 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:32,000 Well, that just shows you what I'm looking at. 148 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:36,000 You like the danglers, huh? 149 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,000 Okay. 150 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,000 So let's see. 151 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,000 Where the fuck was I now? 152 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,000 Okay. 153 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,000 Many of us reach for a can of iced tea, Arizona iced tea. 154 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,000 Now Arizona is delivering that experience too. 155 00:08:49,000 --> 00:09:02,000 This summer, Arizona beverages is bringing its fans a spiced up adults only version of its famous iced tea with the launch of Arizona hard, a malt spiked drink originally launched in Canada in 2020, 156 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:08,000 which, according to a press release, features the same iconic taste Arizona is known for with five percent alcohol. 157 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,000 So it's a beer. 158 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:14,000 It's it's the strength of a beer only it's iced tea with alcohol in it. 159 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:19,000 The drink is available in three Arizona already iconic flavors. 160 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,000 Man, this is like a fucking the way this article is written. 161 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:26,000 It's like a it's an advertisement for Arizona basically. 162 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:42,000 So lemon peach, green tea and the regular, you know, what you call it the black picoa tea or whatever it is or like the lip tins and all that. 163 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:48,000 So anyhow, it's so it's got three flavors and be traditional, I guess. 164 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:53,000 And then the traditional has ginseng in it. 165 00:09:53,000 --> 00:10:00,000 And then the let's see, they have one with lemon and then one with peach. 166 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,000 It looks like ginseng, lemon and peach are the flavors in these. 167 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,000 And the green tea, they lost me right there. 168 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:16,000 OK, the green the green tea has ginseng and the real brewed iced tea has lemon in it like, you know, lemon in your iced tea. 169 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:22,000 And the hard other tea is a real brewed iced tea with peach. 170 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:26,000 So I wish tea and sugar. 171 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:35,000 OK, so anyhow, according to the statement, the green tea flavors made with 100 percent real brewed tea with ginseng extract and just the right touch of honey. 172 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:40,000 While the Arizona lemon tea hard is created with premium steep black tea. 173 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,000 Oh, it did have black tea in it. OK. 174 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,000 Balance with citrus notes. OK. 175 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,000 To create an adult version of the flavor. 176 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,000 All I had to do is read the article instead of like looking at the can and guessing. 177 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:58,000 Finally, the Arizona peach hard tea offers authentic brewed tea with a peachy, juicy peach flavors and aromas you can expect from the original. 178 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,000 So there you go. 179 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:09,000 If you're a fan of iced tea and you like Arizona tea, you can get you can get the goods. 180 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:13,000 So there you go. Yep. 181 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:33,000 So the next thing that I have on the agenda here is, you know, that Jiffy Lube and Good Humor Ice Cream have teamed up to give free maintenance on all ice cream trucks this summer season. 182 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,000 OK, I thought you were going to go somewhere else. 183 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:41,000 No, no, no, no, no, no. 184 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,000 OK, Jiffy Lube and Good Humor. Good Humor. 185 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:49,000 They sell a lot of their stuffs out of trucks. Yeah, doing maintenance on the trucks. 186 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,000 Yeah. Yeah. OK. 187 00:11:50,000 --> 00:12:04,000 So anyhow, they're saying the rising costs has been like really stopping a lot of the ice cream trucks from going because people can't afford to service the trucks. 188 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,000 And they don't make that much per bar anyhow. 189 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:13,000 And ice, you know, ice cream trucks have become a joke, really, haven't they? 190 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,000 Yeah, they have. 191 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:18,000 Yeah. So it's not as popular as it used to be. 192 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:23,000 So people aren't probably not shopping from there as much. 193 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:30,000 And, you know, because of all the implications, you know, you're like, oh, here comes the creepy ice cream trucks. 194 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,000 What Mr. Creepy used to like drive around in, right? 195 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,000 Yeah. Yeah. 196 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:38,000 Yeah. So. Hey, hey, never mind. 197 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,000 Oh, go ahead. No, no, never mind. Never mind. 198 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:45,000 OK. Mr. Creepy is going to come back. 199 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,000 I know he will. 200 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:53,000 Yeah, he's going to. He's going to. He's he's fine in his way. 201 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,000 And he's been gone too long. 202 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:00,000 Yes. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Did we summon him? 203 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,000 Is that him? 204 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,000 I hope not. 205 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,000 What's going on, you fuckers? You guys suck. 206 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,000 I'm glad you got rid of that Topher idiot. But this Rob guy is just as bad. 207 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,000 And Mark, you're a fucktard. 208 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,000 Get out of here, Creepy. Leave. Fuck you guys. 209 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,000 I'm the real star. 210 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,000 Oh, he's gone. Well, there you go. 211 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000 We didn't get rid of Topher, by the way. He's coming back. 212 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,000 Yes, he is. 213 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,000 Yeah. And he's going to beat your ass, too. 214 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,000 I'm telling him what you said. 215 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,000 Yes, he's going to beat three on one. 216 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,000 Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yep. Yep. 217 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:42,000 And then we got that special thing we got for him. You know that thing? 218 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,000 Yeah. Yeah. 219 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got that special thing, that secret special thing. 220 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:53,000 Yeah. You're going to think twice, Mr. Creepy. When you get that special thing. Uh-huh. 221 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,000 Oh, yeah, yeah. He's nowhere to be found now. He knows the things now. 222 00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:00,000 He knows the special thing is ready. 223 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:07,000 So anyhow, what the fuck? You know what? Jiffy Lube, good for you. 224 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:11,000 All right. We're going to have some good ice cream now, right? Yeah. Woo-hoo. Yep. 225 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:17,000 Okay. All right. So if you see that familiar sound, 226 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,000 that guy chugging down the road in the ice cream truck, 227 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,000 ask him if he takes his truck to Jiffy Lube. 228 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:27,000 And if he doesn't, inform him that he can get free maintenance. 229 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:32,000 I think that includes sexual, too, doesn't it? 230 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:37,000 Pretty sure. I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's Jiffy Lube. 231 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,000 It's a lube. I don't know. Yeah. 232 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:45,000 Jiffy Lube, that would indicate that, like, they do other things, right? 233 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:49,000 I don't know, Lord. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. 234 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,000 I'm going to try to look for the... Hang on. 235 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,000 Let me look at the fine print here and see what I can find. 236 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,000 Hang on. You take that one. 237 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:02,000 Okay. Okay. This is parody, everybody. 238 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,000 You know. You know this is parody, okay? 239 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:10,000 No, Jiffy Lube is not going to sexually service these ice cream truck people. 240 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,000 Okay? I think we all know this. 241 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:20,000 But for the sake of parody and fun and laughter and tongue and cheeks and ha-has and oh-shits, 242 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:24,000 we're going to put that in there. 243 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:28,000 Okay. Anyhow, Jiffy Lube, it's actually probably a good thing what they're doing. 244 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:34,000 Sighting burdensome rising operational costs, Jiffy Lube has teamed up with an iconic ice cream maker. 245 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:38,000 Good humor to offer free vehicle maintenance to ice cream trucks and vans. 246 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:42,000 Oh, the good old van. Yep. There we go. 247 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,000 The announcement from the brand states, 248 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:52,000 any ice cream truck that meets the Jiffy Lube vehicle qualifications can apply for a complimentary maintenance voucher that can be used. 249 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,000 Oh, it's only one time. 250 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,000 Fuck that. You know what? No. No. 251 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:05,000 Cheap. Cheap. I'm sorry. My cheap alert just went off. 252 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,000 Yep. Cheap alert. 253 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:12,000 Do it all summer. Don't do it at all, Jiffy Lube. 254 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,000 And then you got to qualify for it. What's that? I mean, you know. 255 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,000 Well, come on. We're not going in July already. 256 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,000 Yeah. Yeah. 257 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,000 Summer's about over. Yep. 258 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,000 Half over. If I was Valvoline, I would come up with something else. 259 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:34,000 I would like, let's see, what could Valvoline come up with to top that? 260 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:38,000 Let's see. We're going to change this for a year. 261 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,000 Oh, there we go. Yeah. I think pedicures. 262 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,000 Everybody that drives an ice cream truck loves a pedicure. 263 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,000 I think free pedicures. 264 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:54,000 So there's usually a Valvoline right next to a Jiffy Lube, right? 265 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:59,000 Well, hey, if you're going to throw a pedicure, you've got to throw a Nanny Curve because everybody sees it. 266 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:04,000 Oh, no, no. That's Walmart. That's Walmart. I haven't got there yet. I haven't got there yet. 267 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:08,000 I'm talking about the ice cream trucks. No, that's what I'm talking about. 268 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,000 Okay, so here you have a system, okay? 269 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:16,000 You go to Jiffy Lube, and there's always a Valvoline right next door because they compete, right? 270 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:21,000 You go into Jiffy Lube, okay, and then they're getting their maintenance on the truck. 271 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:26,000 Then you go over to Valvoline, point your truck out, and get your pedicure, okay? 272 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:30,000 Then when you're done with that, you drive a mile to the next Walmart, okay? 273 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:38,000 Because there's never one more than a mile off, so you drive to Walmart and you get your manicure, okay? 274 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,000 Let's see, what can McDonald's do in this now? 275 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:51,000 I don't know what Walmart you're going to to get a manicure, but that don't happen down here. 276 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:56,000 No. Just saying. 277 00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:03,000 Okay, all right, I take it all back. I take it all back. Bad idea. 278 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,000 I'm sorry, I had to call you out. 279 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,000 That's okay. 280 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,000 I'm just trying to know if Walmart does well. 281 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:16,000 That's okay. I've got a, you know, you can't win them all, right? 282 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:20,000 You know, there's only one Mona Lisa, right? 283 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,000 Right, right. 284 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:27,000 Okay, so there you go. They're not all gems. Every now and then you come up with one. 285 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:32,000 Like I said, it would help if we could see each other's faces. 286 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:39,000 At this point, I don't know. I don't know if they could save this abortion right now. 287 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:49,000 Well, at this point, I said that one, I said, I can't just call you out. I'm like, what? 288 00:18:49,000 --> 00:19:00,000 All right, I've got a story that I've done quite a while ago and you listen to every podcast so you know this. 289 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:11,000 There is a amendment, not an amendment, there is another story that happened after the story because there's some litigation going on. 290 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:20,000 Remember the Georgia auto shop that dumped the guy's final paycheck in oily pennies on his driveway? 291 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,000 Yes, yes. 292 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,000 Okay. 293 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,000 Yes. 294 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,000 Well, here it is. This is from CNN. 295 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:47,000 The Georgia auto shop owner who in 2022 paid one of his employees his final wage by dumping 91,500 oil covered pennies in his driveway has been ordered by a federal judge to pay nearly 40,000 in additional back wages and damages to his employees court records show. 296 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:56,000 Miles Walker, owner of A-OK Walker Auto Works in Peachtree City, Georgia, A-OK. That's my third. 297 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:04,000 Would you ever go to an auto parts, not auto parts, but a mechanic shop called A-OK Auto? 298 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:10,000 There used to be an A-OK auto shop there in South King City. 299 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,000 Oh, was there? 300 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:15,000 You say. You say. Yes. 301 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Okay. 302 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,000 All right. 303 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,000 Okay. 304 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,000 Okay. 305 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:37,000 In Peachtree City, Georgia was ordered to pay back wages in the total amount of $19,967.09 plus liquidated damages in the amount of $19,967.09. 306 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:52,000 The consent judgment shows last year the US Department of Labor filed a lawsuit against Walker for violating federal labor law after he retaliated against a former employee who contacted the agency when he didn't receive his final paycheck. 307 00:20:52,000 --> 00:21:09,000 He eventually paid the ex-employee named Andreas Flaten with roughly 90,000 pennies and a note expressed in a short expletive. Expletive. So price said fuck you or something. 308 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:24,000 Flaten, Flaten, Flatane, or Flatane, I think it's Flatane, quit his job at A-OK after an argument with his boss and contacted the Labor Department in January 2021 to say he was owed $915. 309 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:33,000 The next day, Walker received a call from the department and said he would not pay Flatane, Flatane or whatever hours later. 310 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,000 He decided to pay him in pennies. 311 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:45,000 How can you make this guy realize what a disgusting example of human being he is, the lawsuit claim Walker said. I've got plenty of pennies. I'll use them. 312 00:21:45,000 --> 00:22:08,000 US District Judge Timothy Batten's additional additionally instructed Walker not to threaten or intimidate verbally in writing or retaliate or discriminate against any current or former employee of A-OK. Walker, the judge, the judge ruling resolved a civil action filed by the US Department of Labor Department case. 313 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:22,000 And I guess like the other part of it is so okay, it seems like the money that he got was half and half. Half what he owed of him, half of it was because it was bullshit that he would dump all that there. 314 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:28,000 So it was kind of like punitive damages. 315 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:33,000 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 316 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:45,000 Anyhow, pretty interesting. All right. And now we have Rob with a few tidbits, odds and ends. This is and that's and oh shit's and giggles and what have you. 317 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:50,000 So, Rob, the floor is yours. 318 00:22:50,000 --> 00:23:04,000 Hey, do you feel like giving out the phone number again? 816-217-7717. That is the two douchebags and microphone hotline. 319 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:22,000 There's an answer that I would really like an answer to. All right. I've never heard of a psychic winning a lottery. Can anybody answer that? If you can call that number, please answer that for us. 320 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:33,000 I've got it. The real psychics are not telling you they're psychics because they're busy winning all the lotteries. 321 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:51,000 Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, inflation. I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags and microphone by a nice warm fire at night. 322 00:23:51,000 --> 00:24:02,000 I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I've burned that day. Enjoy. 323 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:08,000 Hi there. This is fucknut from two fucknuts and recorder podcast. 324 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:19,000 Two douchebags and microphone are our favorite podcast ever. Please go to your friend's computer and download it from there. Go to your church's computer and download it from there. 325 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:27,000 Go to people you don't know and grab their phones and download it on there. These fuckers need all the help we can get. 326 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:38,000 Oh shit. What's that over there? Oh no. It's island of horrible jokes. 327 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:58,000 It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods. It's harder to deter gents. 328 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:09,000 All the crackpots are lying to you because they're not going to win the lottery and they need your money. 329 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,000 Okay, well, okay. 330 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:16,000 I don't know. I don't know. I just picked that out of my ass. I don't know. 331 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,000 I see. That makes sense. 332 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:27,000 Yeah, if I had psychic ability to win the lottery, I would not tell anyone. I would just go win the lottery. 333 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,000 No, you know, you make sense like usual. 334 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,000 Yeah, yeah. I'd be like, man. 335 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,000 That's just what I was saying. You got your team up with it. 336 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:42,000 Okay, here, here. Let's just do a little pretend, okay? All right. You and I are in a room, right? 337 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:47,000 And I just figure out that I'm psychic. I'm like, wow, this is fucking cool. All right. So I walk in. 338 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:53,000 Hey, what's up, Rob? What's going on, man? 339 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:58,000 We're playing here. I'm walking into a room. I just learned that I'm psychic, okay? 340 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:02,000 So this is another one where if we saw each other, it would help. 341 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:11,000 So we're real playing, okay? I just found out I could like I have psychic ability, okay? 342 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:17,000 So I walk into a room, okay? So here we go. Three, two, one, cut, go. All right. 343 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:21,000 Oh, hey, Rob. What are you doing here, man? What's up? 344 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:29,000 I'm just hanging out. Yeah, yeah. Yep. Same here, man. So how you been? What's been going on? 345 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:37,000 I know this a little bit. Yeah, yeah. I got you. Yeah, I was reading a book on psyche because of how much bullshit they are. 346 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:42,000 I mean, there's like none of them that are real. You know that? Yeah, I've heard that. 347 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:49,000 Yeah, I don't believe any of them. I think they're all full of shit, man. Oh, hey, hey, look at the time. I got to go, man. I'll talk to you later. 348 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:53,000 All right. Yep. Okay, Rob. Good seeing you. All right, bye. 349 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:59,000 You know what I'm doing after I leave? I'm going to buy the lottery tickets. 350 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:08,000 That's how that would go if I found out I was psychic. 351 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:14,000 Well, I love you too, man. No, I'd give you money. But I wouldn't tell anybody. 352 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:22,000 It's like, man, how the hell did Mark win three fucking lotteries in a row? It's crazy. 353 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:29,000 Man, just don't look, Rob. So, okay, here, I won three lotteries. Okay. Here. I'm walking in the same room again. You're in there, right? Okay. 354 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:35,000 You're more like strumming on a guitar or some shit, you know, trying to figure out a F chord or something. Okay. All of a sudden. 355 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:41,000 Hey, Rob, what's up, man? Yeah. 356 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:49,000 I'm trying to I'm trying to role play again. We need to see. Okay. All right. So I just won three lotteries. Okay. All said. Okay. Let's try this again. 357 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:55,000 Yeah. Oh, hey, Rob. What are you doing here, man? 358 00:27:55,000 --> 00:28:01,000 Yeah, same here, man. Well, I came into some really great luck for no apparent reason. 359 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:07,000 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Three lotteries in a row. I can't believe that. That is so crazy. 360 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:19,000 Yeah. Yeah. A friend of mine just told me to play a couple lotteries, you know, that that they felt I was lucky and I just went and played them and I played three in a row and I won every one of them. That is crazy, man. 361 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:24,000 Hey, hey, look, you want to come out, look at my new cars. 362 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:30,000 I'll probably give you one. Come on, man. Let's go look at my cars. Come on. 363 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:39,000 I'm a little busy here. All right. All right, Rob. Okay. I just want you to know I'm not psychic. 364 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:51,000 Yeah. Okay. So much for that. And anyhow, let's see. You were not going to fucking play, were you? 365 00:28:51,000 --> 00:29:02,000 No, I don't know. Did you hear about the blood red crickets that invaded a Nevada town? No, that I did not hear about. 366 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:09,000 Okay. All right. They didn't win the lottery there. That's for damn sure. Matter of fact, they lost the fucker there. 367 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:18,000 I don't play a lottery. So you lost me at the lottery. Okay. Elko Nevada Associated Press. 368 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:27,000 Dana Dolan was driving through her small Nevada hometown when she thought she had come up upon a gory crash. 369 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:32,000 The ground surrounding Elko's stretch, Interstate 80, looked as if it had been covered in blood. 370 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:41,000 As the red color shifted and moved, she realized instead it was an infiltration of crickets, some bigger than her thumb. 371 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:56,000 It's almost like a biblical plague, Dana told the Associated Press last week, laughing at the absurdity of the situation that is playing out in Elko, where she's lived for six years. 372 00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:09,000 Tens of thousands of Mormon cricket eggs. Mormon cricket eggs? It is in Nevada. Tens of thousands of Mormon cricket eggs. I guess they're called Mormon crickets. 373 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:14,000 Buried about an inch deep in the soil, began to hatch in late May and early June for weeks. 374 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:23,000 The red critters have been invading swaths of northern Nevada and causing chaos, said the state's longtime entomologist, Jeff Knight. 375 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:32,000 The invasion of the cannibalistic crickets has hit especially hard in Elko, a small town of about 20,000 near Idaho and Utah, known for its gold mining. 376 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:44,000 The big red bugs leave behind a stench so horrible, she says it smells like burning flesh, that it forces residents to plug their noses while driving. 377 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:54,000 The critters stick to tires in the bottoms of shoes, and their carcasses are everywhere, even in gyms where they move. It sounds like rain, Dolan says. 378 00:30:54,000 --> 00:31:03,000 Residents and workers have tried to use brooms, leaf blowers, pressure washers, and snow plows to get rid of the crickets, only for them to return. 379 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:13,000 State officials have erected signs throughout Elko County, warning drivers of slick highways, a popular hangout spot for insects that won't think twice about eating their dead friends. 380 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:33,000 The Polar Opposites lost big time on this thing. 381 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:47,000 This sucks. 382 00:31:47,000 --> 00:32:03,000 I don't know. I will read this article to you and we'll both make that determination. 383 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:19,000 I'm digging into this article. 384 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:40,000 Climadomonas nivalis, the scientific name for watermelon snow, occurs when a bacteria called psychotrophic begins to grow in cold environments, according to a study published by the National Library of Medicine. 385 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:50,000 Algae is a source of bacteria, and that's what turns patches of snow into a pink or red hue. 386 00:32:50,000 --> 00:33:10,000 Well, you know, I mean, when algae gets in water, they get the brain-eating amoeba that kills people. You know, people dive into lakes and they get that amoeba and it kills their brain, eats it. Because of Alberto, a reflective surface of the snow is decreased when it happens. 387 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:25,000 The amoeba may melt quicker, speeding up the melting rate of glacier studies have found. The watermelon snow phenomena usually happens in the spring and summer, as seen on the Presna glacier in the Italian Alps in 2020. 388 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:47,000 Researchers with the Institute of Polar Sciences in Italy's National Research Council warned watermelon snow could intensify with climate change. In fact, low snowfall during the winter and high spring-summer temperatures create the perfect environment for the development of this algae. 389 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:58,000 So that's not good news. So watermelon snow is not good to eat and not good for anything, apparently. 390 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,000 Oh, that's good to know. 391 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:03,000 Yeah. So, anyhow. 392 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:11,000 Alright, enough of the watermelon snow. We turn our attention to Rob here. Rob Rad? 393 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:20,000 Okay, one of the greatest minds of humanity, Albert Einstein, believed that ghosts are real. 394 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,000 I could see. 395 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:43,000 He said all the energy of the universe is constant. And since this energy cannot be destroyed, this can be transformed into new energy or creation of ghosts. 396 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,000 Okay. 397 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,000 Yeah, I thought that was pretty good. 398 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:55,000 Yeah, well, I'm kind of up in the air on that subject. 399 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,000 I'm a little bit of everywhere on that subject. 400 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,000 Yeah. 401 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:20,000 Let's see. Albert Einstein also is the guy that says that we can time travel if you go counterclockwise around the Earth. Is it at the speed of sound or the speed of light? I can't remember. 402 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:24,000 I think it's the speed of light. 403 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:35,000 Albert Einstein was really, he was really intelligent, obviously, and I respect so much of his work. I couldn't just deny anything he said on the surface. 404 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:46,000 So, I'm holding my judgment on that. I think I will never truly know the answer to that until one fateful day. And I think that's probably true for most people. 405 00:35:46,000 --> 00:36:00,000 You can suspect, you can think, you can analyze, you can come up with hypotheses, you can all kinds of things. But the only true way to know is the way we don't want to know right now, do we? 406 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,000 No, we don't. 407 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:06,000 So, okay, well. 408 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:10,000 I got another one that's kind of hits the spot. 409 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,000 Okay. 410 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:16,000 All right. 411 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,000 It may be just a short little read. I don't know if you bought. 412 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,000 Okay. 413 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:30,000 Five teens, including four who worked at St. Steakhouse killing car crash. 414 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,000 Oh. 415 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:41,000 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're. Yeah. 416 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,000 We've been asked many, many years ago. 417 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:52,000 Oh gosh. Well, okay, you may not know about this. But one of the places that we used to party at. 418 00:36:52,000 --> 00:37:04,000 And this is a couple of years ago when they found it. But there's this lake that we used to, well, large pond that we used to party out off of Kenneth Road. Do you remember that place? 419 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,000 Yes, I do. 420 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:15,000 Okay. Well, we used to party around there because nothing but fields. Now it's like the back end of Lock Lloyd's there and there's like maybe some soccer fields and stuff. Yeah. 421 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:27,000 Well, a couple of years ago, they were like draining it to like widen it or get all the sludge out of it or something. And they found a car. 422 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:35,000 And anyhow, this car was from someone back in the 60s that vanished. 423 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:46,000 What happened is, is back in the 60s, he was on his way home on Kenneth Road. He swerved off for one reason or another and went right into that lake. And he was never discovered. 424 00:37:46,000 --> 00:38:00,000 He was just known as missing for ever since the 60s. And he in fact, he was in his car in that lake. They found his skeletal remains still in that car. 425 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:10,000 So he went into that lake that we used to party around. And he was there since the 19 dickety whatever, 65 or whatever, 68 or whatever. 426 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:17,000 Whenever that happened. And they always had him down as missing because him and his car were gone. You know, they're both gone. 427 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:25,000 So it was assumed like maybe he took off somewhere. They didn't know. But nobody ever saw a trace of him ever again. 428 00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:34,000 And that was not solved until a couple of years ago when they found the car and the guy, the guy's remains still in it. 429 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:40,000 Wow. Yeah. And this is one of the lakes that we used to party around. Yeah. 430 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:47,000 Well, large pond because when they went out there, you know, all we're trying to do is just stay away from people and have a good time. 431 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:55,000 You know, we didn't need people blowing us into the cops. Yeah. We didn't need people blowing us into the cops or nothing. So we go find a nice. 432 00:38:55,000 --> 00:39:03,000 I remember the clearing over there on Blue River that we used to go to. Yeah. Yeah. That was a great place until the devil. 433 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:10,000 The devil worshippers tried to take it over that one night. That was a little weird. So yeah, that was not fun getting chased by. 434 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:23,000 That was a fun night. That was a fun night. But when they found out they're coming at you with fucking those things they had on fire, those clubs, those those. 435 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:32,000 Yeah. Yeah, that was crazy. We had those. But we didn't back down, did we? Well, not at first, but there's so many of them. 436 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:41,000 I mean, there's nothing we could do. I mean, you know, I don't know what the hell they're doing. They're fucking sacrificing a goat or something. 437 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:48,000 Who knows? But I don't know what they were doing, but they did not like us being there for a few seconds. Yeah. 438 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:52,000 Yeah. But the clearing was really cool until then. And then everyone's kind of freaked out about it. 439 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:56,000 But we did go back there a couple of years later. There's no sign of anybody. 440 00:39:56,000 --> 00:40:05,000 So I mean, yeah, we kind of ran that night because there's so many of them. But we did win that because we did come back and party eventually. 441 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:10,000 So, yeah. Yep. So anyhow, that was that was interesting. 442 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:15,000 I didn't think you'd known about that because I believe you're probably living in the Ozarks when that news came out. 443 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:20,000 I just said, they're going, that's the pond. That's the party pond. Fuck. 444 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:26,000 So, no, you're just describing where it was. Yeah. Yeah. 445 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,000 Yeah. But you didn't know about the guy being found there, did you? 446 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:40,000 No, no, I did not know about that. Yeah. Yeah. I know the pond. Yep. Yep. Strange days indeed. Yeah. 447 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:53,000 Many, many years ago. Most peculiar, mama. Come back to hell. Alright. So let's see. You had some more stuff you want to get to? 448 00:40:53,000 --> 00:41:00,000 Well, I got my When You Think You're Having a Bad Day. 449 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:07,000 Go right into it. And then this time I am prepared with a final thought. Myself and you have Rob's rant maybe. 450 00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:11,000 Go ahead with you think you're having a bad day. 451 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:24,000 I'll tell you, when you think you're having a bad day, remember, in 2007, a couple from Bosnia started cheating on each other in chat rooms. 452 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:33,000 When they decided to meet in person, they realized they'd been cheating on each other with each other. 453 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:39,000 But now think about that. That was in 2007. How many times has that happened since? 454 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:44,000 Oh, probably all the time. A lot of people probably don't know. They probably will never know. 455 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:51,000 Yeah. I turned that one in front of the fact into that. So, go ahead. 456 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:56,000 And that's Bosnia? Yeah. Yeah, it was Bosnia. 457 00:41:56,000 --> 00:42:03,000 Okay. Well, alright. I can believe that those kooky Bosnians, they're always up to some sort of crazy. 458 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:09,000 Yeah, you don't let the Bosnians out of your sight, man. They're fucking running amok, going nuts, fucking getting silly. 459 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:12,000 Well, I made fun of that. You asked that, you. 460 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:22,000 Skipping around the maples, playing slap ass, those nutty Bosnians. They're crazy. They're silly. They're just silly. That's what it is. They're silly. Anyhow. 461 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:27,000 You got some more? No, go right ahead, buddy. 462 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:31,000 Well, I've got my final thought. Do you have a rant or a final thought? 463 00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:36,000 No, that was it. I'll do the rant another time. 464 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:40,000 Okay. Well, we will end this program on my final thought. 465 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,000 Let's do it. 466 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:48,000 Alright. Mark's final thought. Being kissed while you're asleep is one of the purest forms of love. 467 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:52,000 Unless you're in prison. 468 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:56,000 Da da da da da da. 469 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,000 Amen, bruh. 470 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:06,000 Alright. Everybody, I'm so glad we had this time together to sing a song or two. 471 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:09,000 I don't know the rest of it. The Kerbernet song? 472 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:10,000 I don't know. 473 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,000 Yeah, fuck it. You know what? I'll learn it and the next one I will repeat it. 474 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:18,000 Anyhow, bye fuckers. Have a great night. 475 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,000 Not responsible for greasy residue left on your Bluetooth. 476 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:25,000 No! No! 477 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:34,000 Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity. 478 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:38,000 Mate, you forever feel yourself a library in the pocket. It's not even in there. 479 00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:44,000 When we were in high school, we had this guy, fucking corn-fed piece of crap. 480 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:49,000 Anyhow, his nickname was Biggin. 481 00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:57,000 So, anyhow, Biggin was like a big run-stopper and really not worth anything except that. 482 00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,000 He just takes up space. 483 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,000 Takes up space and that's it. 484 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:05,000 So, we'd be doing practices and Biggin would be hard to get around. 485 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:10,000 He's just this huge fucking lump of shit. 486 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:19,000 So, anyhow, Biggin was... That was pretty much it. 487 00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:24,000 Damn it, here I am like I'm prepared because I only ever written down and I thought I could just do it. 488 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:30,000 So, okay, Biggin was this run-stopper and he was dirty. 489 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:35,000 What he'd do is whenever you're in the middle of the dog pile, at the bottom of the dog pile, 490 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:38,000 he'd grew his fingernails out and he would sharpen them. 491 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:42,000 His index finger and his thumb. He'd grow them out and sharpen them. 492 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:46,000 So, what he would do is when you're in the bottom of the dog pile, he would get right up... 493 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,000 You'd wear a jog strap, of course, you know. 494 00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:53,000 And he'd get right up against your nuts and just like pinch the fuck out of you so bad, 495 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:57,000 it would be black and blue for a month. It'd draw blood. 496 00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:03,000 So, yeah, and then even worse, whenever his helmet would be knocked off, 497 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:09,000 which was often because we were a small school and I remember Center gave us some helmets that were extra. 498 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:14,000 They got new ones and Notre Dame did, Notre Dame de Signe did, 499 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,000 and real football programs gave us free helmets. 500 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,000 Yeah, but they already beat the crap. 501 00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:20,000 They already beat the crap and used. 502 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:24,000 And actually, we had to put our own logos on them because they were what? 503 00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:28,000 We had to make sure they were white helmets that way we could put the blue horn on there 504 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:31,000 or the purple horn for a Viking on there. 505 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:32,000 Yeah. 506 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:36,000 So, it started to beat all day with the new fucking horn on them. 507 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:40,000 And none of them would ever fit. They're always loose. We never could get them to fit, right? 508 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:44,000 I don't know if all that beading made them cockeyed or something. 509 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,000 Yeah, mashed the foam down in weird ways. 510 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:51,000 Yeah, so we always had these helmets that would like fly off of us constantly. 511 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:56,000 But that was one of the things about being in that type of a school, 512 00:45:56,000 --> 00:46:00,000 that small of a firm school, was the revenue wasn't really high that they were getting. 513 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:05,000 So, you had to have a football program. It consisted of, number one, paying the school. 514 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,000 We had to pay the school to be in football. 515 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:08,000 Wow, yeah. 516 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:12,000 And also, we had to take hand-me-downs from anywhere. 517 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,000 Otherwise, we'd be paying for our own equipment. 518 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,000 And we did pay for some of our own equipment. 519 00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,000 Imagine. 520 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:23,000 Yeah, like our cleats. If you wanted a real pair of cleats, a good pair of cleats, you had to buy them yourself. 521 00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:28,000 If you wanted the ones the schools assigned you, they weren't worth the shit because they were hand-me-downs. 522 00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:29,000 Yeah. 523 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:34,000 And also, like Biggin, he was horrible in school. He was terrible in school. 524 00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:40,000 But he went the brightest. He was a dumbass, and he was an asshole. 525 00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,000 And they kept him going because they probably really needed the tax money. 526 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,000 They needed how many heads to make this much. 527 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,000 Well, yeah, that's true. 528 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:51,000 To stay in business. Basically, that's what it was, was to stay in business. 529 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,000 Yeah. 530 00:46:52,000 --> 00:47:00,000 So, Biggin was there as a run-stopper. And we had this little guy, Jimmy. He was faster than hell. 531 00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:04,000 And he was just a little bitty guy, and he was a running back. 532 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:09,000 And no one could stop him because he would literally almost just run under your feet. 533 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,000 And he was like a little lightning. 534 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:17,000 And so, he'd always get by on Biggin. So, I think there's a little bit of Biggin being mad. 535 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:23,000 So, there's this one play. What it is is you couldn't turn in. 536 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:31,000 You know, whenever Biggin did this, you couldn't turn it in because the coach did not like you to turn in penalties or anything like that. 537 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,000 Oh, yeah. No tattletales on the team. 538 00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:37,000 Yeah, yeah. He felt like that was his job to, number one, call penalties. 539 00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,000 And, number two, no tattletaling. 540 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:43,000 If someone tripped you or was holding you, the worst thing you could do is go, 541 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:46,000 Hey, he held me. And he'd make everybody run gassers. 542 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,000 And gassers were in the field side to side two times. 543 00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,000 Punish everyone to make you shut up. 544 00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:54,000 Yes. And they didn't lock room to get your ass with. 545 00:47:54,000 --> 00:48:01,000 You may have run five miles, Wallace. Bam, bam, bam. Knocked the piss out of you. Kicked the hell out of you. Laughed. 546 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:10,000 So, Biggin could get away with it, knowing that you'd be the bigger rat for turning him in. 547 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:17,000 Yes. Yeah. So, you had to kind of take it, I mean. I had plenty of welts underneath my ballsack. 548 00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:23,000 I hated this fucker. So, everybody hated this fucker, but nobody wanted to do it to anyone else. 549 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:27,000 No one did it back to him. We didn't do it to each other. It was just too dirty. 550 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:33,000 So, like I before mentioned, everybody's helmets would fall off routinely. 551 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:38,000 No big deal, because they were beat all to hell when we got them. They were cockeyed. They didn't work. 552 00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:41,000 They didn't work very well. But that's all we had. 553 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:44,000 Unless you wanted to buy a brand new one, and we were mowing lawns. 554 00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:51,000 So, we were using those. So, there was this one play. 555 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:55,000 We were getting ready to play, I think, Drexel, which was our tribal. 556 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:59,000 Like everything you've seen at Fast Times at Ridgemont High. 557 00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:05,000 The kill Jefferson. The signs. The assembly where you'd all yell and cheer. 558 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:11,000 Let's kill Jefferson. Let's kill Drexel. And me, I didn't give a fuck, man. 559 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:17,000 I was pretty much a freak that they pretty much forced into playing football. 560 00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:20,000 You're just more happy it's Friday night than you are about anything else. 561 00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:26,000 Yeah, I'm thinking, I don't want to fucking be here. I want to go out on the gravel roads and fucking smash beers with my friends. 562 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:31,000 I don't want to be here. But I played because I really got pretty much pressured into it. 563 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:35,000 Come on, we need people. Because we really did need people. 564 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:40,000 I mean, we had pretty much one in every position. And one guy that could do a little bit of everything. 565 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:46,000 Like one guy that could do four things. One guy that could do five things. Another guy that could do three things. 566 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:51,000 And those were our backups. We had like no actual real backup person doing it. 567 00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:56,000 Yeah, no first string, second string. It was a little more immediate than that. 568 00:49:56,000 --> 00:50:00,000 Yeah. So I mean, so they really did need me. 569 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:10,000 So, Biggin was in the middle of this pile. And this was, we were practicing against our arch rivals. 570 00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:15,000 And this is late September. But it was really hot. Real, real hot. 571 00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:19,000 So one of you is the practice team wearing the other team's colors. 572 00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:22,000 Yeah, we're in Drexel's colors. In the white and everything. 573 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:30,000 So it was really hot. It was like around 100 degrees. It's like winter's last, or summer's last, by like flipping you off and slamming the door. 574 00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:36,000 And I remember very well. I mean, we were all just fucking hotter than hell. Sweating ham chunks. Fucking gravy. 575 00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:39,000 Back then they thought it was better if you didn't drink water. 576 00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:47,000 Yeah, yeah. You're right. Yeah, they did. Yep. So we're all in that dog pile and all of a sudden I hear like, 577 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,000 AHHHHHHHHHH. 578 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:58,000 So Jimmy, he had this problem with some sort of weird ass, parietis or jock itch or something. 579 00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:04,000 I'm not sure what it was. It was something like that. And it was on the inside of his thigh right up there. 580 00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,000 Could be like a fungal infection or whatever. 581 00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:10,160 It probably was, but it was probably combined with the heat, combined with the material 582 00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:11,160 from the jock strap. 583 00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:14,480 But I remember he was showing people in there going, man, this shit sucks. 584 00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:17,000 It hurts like fuck, I can't put on my jock strap. 585 00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:20,000 Well, he had to go without one. 586 00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:24,680 So he was in practice just hoping he didn't get fucking wrecked. 587 00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:26,960 Because that's the only thing that would save you was your jock strap. 588 00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:32,800 If you got smacked in the nuts, it wouldn't hurt nearly as bad because you're like safely 589 00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:33,800 tucked away. 590 00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:36,480 It kind of distributes the impact around a little bit. 591 00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,600 Yeah, yeah, instead of the little fling, it's like, yeah, that like all of a sudden just 592 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:44,520 stuns you and you don't know where you're at for a minute. 593 00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:48,400 Time stops and then you think you're dying and then you hope you're dying. 594 00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:51,000 Then you wish you were dead. 595 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,000 And then you walk off gingerly. 596 00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,720 I'll be in the locker room. 597 00:51:55,720 --> 00:51:59,000 So Jimmy could not wear a jock strap. 598 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:04,000 So we hear this fucking scream in the pain. 599 00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:09,720 So also Jimmy gets up and blood is running down the inside of his white pants. 600 00:52:09,720 --> 00:52:11,040 I mean, not just kind of. 601 00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:15,000 I mean, it was running and the coach automatically he freaks out. 602 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,560 He's like, ah, son of a bitch. 603 00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:21,160 So he runs over there and the first thing he does is he pulled down his pants because, 604 00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:24,800 you know, number one, he thought there was a jock strap underneath there and he didn't 605 00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:26,720 expect it all to just fucking flop out. 606 00:52:26,720 --> 00:52:29,760 Number two, there's a huge bite marks on his fucking nut. 607 00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:31,400 Oh my God. 608 00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:32,880 And there's blood running everywhere. 609 00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,360 And the coach just flips out. 610 00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:36,360 Who the hell did this? 611 00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:37,360 Who did this? 612 00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:38,360 Who did this? 613 00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:41,280 And everyone like pointing and fucking digging. 614 00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:44,280 You did this? 615 00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:45,280 Yeah. 616 00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:52,840 OK, so so he takes it and he calls the health team, not the paramedics, the health team 617 00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:53,840 that we have. 618 00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:58,040 And he calls them out and I think I actually think Jimmy ended up going to the hospital 619 00:52:58,040 --> 00:52:59,040 over this. 620 00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:02,480 I imagine they probably chomped through a blood vessel. 621 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:03,480 Probably. 622 00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:08,760 So they had the health team come out there and they're over there trying to fucking do 623 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:12,640 pressure and Jimmy screaming, which I'd be fucking crying. 624 00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:13,640 I tell you. 625 00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:14,640 Yeah. 626 00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:20,680 And then coach grabs fucking big and by the ear and takes him straight into the office. 627 00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:26,840 So Biggie got in a lot of shit over that, but I think he he didn't go to jail that day, 628 00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:28,960 but I think he had a court date over it. 629 00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:33,160 If I remember correctly, this is quite a while ago, but I think he went to court over it. 630 00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:35,760 I don't think he did any time. 631 00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:43,520 But I think I don't know if like like right now, let's say he's looking for a job in a 632 00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:49,280 secure like an air base or something or something that will like the Federal Reserve downtown. 633 00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:54,640 I've done that job there and you have to get a clearance. 634 00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:56,480 We have any type of a record at all. 635 00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:58,360 They will not let you in there. 636 00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:02,680 So I don't know if to this day if he can't get a secure job like that because he's a 637 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:03,680 nut biter. 638 00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:09,200 I guess that would depend on how old he was at the time because prior to a certain age. 639 00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:11,880 Oh, he would have been 17, 16 probably. 640 00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:12,880 Yeah. 641 00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:16,200 So it's probably juvenile records and those can get sealed, expunged. 642 00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:19,480 Well then it's probably done. 643 00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:20,640 It's probably been done. 644 00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:25,280 I mean if he was 18 at the time, he probably would have wound up having to list as a sex 645 00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:26,280 offender. 646 00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:27,280 Yeah. 647 00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:28,280 Okay. 648 00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:29,280 Yeah. 649 00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:30,280 I don't think that that's what happened. 650 00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:33,240 I think that it probably went away when he was 18, but he did get in some shit. 651 00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:35,680 But if I remember correctly, this is a long time ago. 652 00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:37,960 This is 80s, early 80s. 653 00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:38,960 So yeah. 654 00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:44,120 Nobody wanted to deal with it back then as much as they're willing to deal with it now. 655 00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,120 No, no, no. 656 00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:46,720 I mean, he was such a shock to people. 657 00:54:46,720 --> 00:54:50,720 We all knew this shit was going on, but he never did bite your nuts either. 658 00:54:50,720 --> 00:54:51,720 Yeah. 659 00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:52,720 Yeah. 660 00:54:52,720 --> 00:54:53,720 Everybody were at Jockstrap. 661 00:54:53,720 --> 00:54:54,720 We knew about where he could go. 662 00:54:54,720 --> 00:54:55,720 Yeah. 663 00:54:55,720 --> 00:54:58,440 You kind of figured that there was a point that he wouldn't cross. 664 00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:00,560 Who was this fucking moron? 665 00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:03,320 His woman just left the coffee shop talking to herself. 666 00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:04,320 Oh, okay. 667 00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:08,480 I think she got, I don't think she was happy with her service and walked out complaining. 668 00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:09,480 Oh. 669 00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:10,480 And we all got to hear it. 670 00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:11,480 Okay. 671 00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:27,320 Hey, where'd everybody go? 672 00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:28,320 Where are the douchebags? 673 00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:29,320 Oh my God. 674 00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:30,320 Someone took a dump in the corner. 675 00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:31,320 Oh jeez. 676 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:32,320 Glad they're gone. 677 00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:33,320 Let's just hope they don't come back. 678 00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:34,320 Man, that smells. 679 00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:51,720 Wrong number.