Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue waters of the Missouri River,
it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water,
because nobody likes a stinky asshole.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May you not be able to gain an erection without thinking about Peter Dinklage.
All the busy season, there's drownings and stuff.
Yeah, right now is peak busy season here to the Fourth of July.
I think that was pretty much the biggest news right now.
Are there a lot of people getting stupid?
Yeah, we don't want to report on stuff like that. We want some fun stuff.
Yeah, yeah we do.
A lot of boating while intoxicated. I could come up with a court reporter if you want me to.
That won't just make the area look bad.
Nah, we don't need that because look, it's not the area, it's the people coming to the area.
Exactly, exactly.
People come down here, you've got a $500,000 boat, you go out drinking and driving,
you deserve an EWI just like anybody else.
Yes, yes.
Isn't that where very famously Harley Race was on a boat, smashed out of his gourd,
ran into another boat and did it kill one of the people and then the other ones were injured,
really bad, paralyzed or something, really bad stuff.
He pretty much got out of it, it seems like.
He's gone now, he's passed away. That's right, he had that wrestling school down there, I forgot.
Yeah, it's down here in Eldon. It's closed down now.
Did it close down before he died or after he died?
It was before he died.
Okay, that's what I thought. He got too old to where he couldn't teach anymore, didn't he?
Yeah, well he had a lot of big names in there like Black Jack Mulligan.
Oh.
Yeah, there was a lot of big names. If you follow wrestling, there's a lot of big names right now
like Cody Rhodes and a bunch of them that went to this.
Cody Rhodes, is that in relation to Dustin and Dusty Rhodes?
That is the American dream, Dusty Rhodes is a baby boy and Dustin Rhodes aka Gold Dust is his baby brother.
Oh, okay.
He is now back in the WWE. He's on a roll.
Oh, okay, cool. Cool.
I remember, didn't he have like, I think like some people like some of the old time stars like Baron Von Raschke
and some of those other guys went with Harley Race and were down there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now Bulldog Bob Brown did not go down there because he was actually, before he passed away,
he was a security guard at one of the area casinos.
Oh, was he?
Yeah.
I grew up watching him there in Kansas City every Sunday morning.
Yeah, well Bulldog Bob Brown, yeah. He started out as like a villain but people started endearing to him.
He was just, you know, buzz cut old guy.
I loved him.
Yeah, he was good.
He'd be the first one to draw blood or have drawn blood on him?
Oh yeah, yeah. He'd definitely, he'd get out a razor really quick like and start making things interesting.
He was one of the originals around, not the original because it was like Bob Gygle and some guys like that,
but he was when they were like really ballin' hard in Kansas City with All-Star, was it? All-Star Wrestling?
Yeah, All-Star Wrestling.
Yes. Yeah, when they were ballin' hard here, he was one of the guys.
They used to have all the matches at municipal and they used to sell out and they had them on TV.
It was really good and I remember they even had Harley Race against Kelly Von Erich for the title a couple of times.
Yeah, I remember that.
I remember that, yeah.
Yeah, and I think this was before he was at Texas Tornado, the one-legged guy and all that.
I think, I think if I remember correctly, he was, they had a lot of battles.
They had a lot of really good battles and so did Ric Flair in Harley Race. They had a lot of battles.
Yes, they did.
Yeah, but that's when they started incorporating, was it WCW down in the South or another one where they started incorporating them with All-Star
and some of the other wrestling entities, I think. They all started like cross-pollinating and you know.
WCW was out of Atlanta.
Yeah, and I think it was WCW and All-Star were fighting each other or whatever you want to call it, matching each other or whatever.
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, anyhow.
You know, we were talking about Boomers and Gen Zs and Millennials, right?
Yes.
Well, I got a small list of what the Gen Zs and Millennials think that the Bayman Boomers are having trouble letting go and they need to let go.
Okay?
Alright.
Bar soap. I agree. Bar soap is nasty. I like the body wash.
Yeah, I don't. I do like the body wash.
It's so much more sanitary and it smells better, looks everything. So yeah, I would think I agree with that.
Next one, this is funny, racquetball. With pickleball and all these other things, I think I agree with him there too.
It's like just go play tennis. Fuck racquetball.
Yeah.
Next one, TV dinners. I don't know. You know, you get a Swanson Hungry Man. You're still in pretty good shape, right? That's good stuff.
Yeah.
It's some good fucking eating.
Yeah, we're eating nice.
Make you fucking belch and scratch your ass. That's good stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah. Hell yeah. Next one, I do not agree with it all because I enjoy the fuck out of it and I will plan on never quitting it. Cruises.
I think maybe...
Unfortunately, I cannot give my opinion on that because I've never been on one.
Oh, you need to...
Even though I would love to. I would love to. I love being on the water.
You need to, Rob. Do what it takes to get yourself there on a cruise.
I will.
They're really cheap. They're really inexpensive. You can even drive there if you want to.
Yeah, that's what I would do.
You can drive to Louisiana and go on one or Galveston, whatever. So, I think Louisiana would be closer to you, wouldn't it?
Yeah, yeah. Out of New Orleans. That would be closer.
Yeah, they have great cruises out there, but we'll talk about that off the air if you want to.
Yeah, yeah.
Metal detecting. I don't know. Metal detecting is still fun, although I never do it.
Yeah. That's kind of a thing of the past. It really is.
It is. I see what they're saying.
Next one. Diamonds. I think I agree with that. I think it's been played. Nobody gives a fuck about the rock on your finger anymore.
No.
No. No. Nobody cares. Take that diamond and get the fuck out of here. Snoop.
Anyhow, juice concentrate. I agree with that. They make way better juices than the concentrate.
Yep.
Yep. So, let's see. What is the next one here?
No. Took me to a bullshit post. Shit. Hang on here. Damn it. Let's fill in the time by singing Kumbaya. No? Okay, maybe not.
I don't know the words.
Okay. Me neither. I'm just fucking around. You hear about the Price is Right contestant?
Oh, the morning guy injured?
Yeah.
Well, I ran across it, but I overlooked it. Go ahead and tell them.
Okay.
Alright. Let me see what I missed.
Okay. The Price is Right contestant celebrated so hard that he dislocated his shoulder. Which is awesome. And they have a picture of him here. Oh my god. He looked like he was going all about the place.
Last week, a contestant on the Price is Right dislocated his shoulder while celebrating after he won the game Bonkers on the show. Now, Bonkers, I don't really like that game very well, so I think I'd be celebrating like a madman too.
The contestant, Henry, had 30 seconds to guess whether each digit in the price of a trip to Hawaii should be higher or lower than what was listed. He showed he was quite adept in it because he guessed certainly almost immediately, sending him into a frenzy and putting on the jump that caused him to dislocate his shoulder.
Henry was jubilant as he pumped his arms and cheered. Unfortunately, that enthusiasm came with a price he probably couldn't guess. This is from the Today Show Online, by the way.
When Henry arrived to spin the wheel in order to advance to the Showcase Showdown, host Drew Carey revealed that Henry's wife, Alice, would spin the wheel for him due to an injury.
Let me explain what happened, he said. This is Alice, Henry's wife. How are you doing? Henry was celebrating and going woo-woo and he dislocated his shoulder. He's not going to be able to spin the wheel, but Alice is going to spin the wheel for him, he added.
So, he won a trip to Hawaii in the ER, Price is Right tweeted. And anyhow, he said he's feeling better now. Injuries can happen on Price is Right. In 2014, a contestant named Judy had to play the Showcase Showdown on crutches after she slipped and hurt her ankles, spinning the wheel.
Carey said that they would go to the hospital after they finished taping the episode. In 2007, Carey himself got his arm caught in a rotating device during grocery game before the first episode even finished taping. Wow. That's pretty good.
So, and then I went on to read that he, it ended in this article, I thought I bookmarked the article I wanted to read to you, but I didn't. But, okay, what it said was, what happened is, is the guy when he went to the Showcase, he went ahead and played the Showcase in pain.
And he won another trip. So, he did fine. He won the Showcase and he won the trip to Hawaii, so he's in pretty good shape. Because his wife won the wheel spin. She got a 95. So, that's pretty cool.
Yep. So, alright, so on the, we've been on a theme on this whole show about Millennials, Zs and Xers. And this has been going on a long time. You know, ever since this show was incepted, we've always been making fun of all the different, you know, the Zs, the Xers and all this stuff because they all have their own brand and unique traits. It's funny if you look at it.
So, at one time, a couple of times, I've been talking about this new contemporary urban dictionary.
Yeah, I've heard you talk about that.
Okay. Well, I found the real name for it. It's still hard to find. It's not that popular. New Contemporary Dictionary of Urban Culture. It appears to be the name, or at least the name right now, I guess. I don't know.
They have new words that they're introducing for 2023. And they suggest that if you are younger and hip, you use these words. This is from their website. They said, if you are young and hip, you need to use these words to distinguish yourself from the old fuddy duddies.
So, alright. The first one is SCRAG. And what it stands for, and I thought I've heard SCRAG before. Wasn't there another word that SCRAG, or an invented word?
Yeah, I was thinking the same. I've heard that word before.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a word like the Xers or the Millennials, or I don't know, not the Millennials, the Xers or the Boomers came up with. Because I could swear we've heard the word SCRAG before.
So, it's S-G-R-A-G. That would be SCRAG, right?
Yeah, S-G-R-A-G. S-G-R-A-G, maybe? I don't know. Anyhow. Okay, well, I'm going to say SCRAG because that's what it looks like. So, when we're offered leftovers instead of the first shot at food.
That's what it means. So, it's like, hey, what'd you have? Oh, someone offered me some SCRAG. I turned it down.
So, even though I thought SCRAG was like, something was like all messed up or something, or all tattered, right?
Yeah.
I don't know. Oh well. Anyhow. Okay, PORN-ture.
When you agree to meet up for sex with another, usually weeks in advance. So, I think this is taken from PORN and ADVENTURE.
Okay.
Look, I thought the last words that they came up with were lame too, and so did TOEFLER. We both were like, meh.
Next one. I mean, to me the problem is, like, a lot of the millennial words and the zeer words, you can't catch on to.
You think you know what they are, but they're not. They give you for a swerve, right?
Exactly.
These ones coming from these guys seem kind of lame and you know what they are.
So, anyhow. DILUTED NECTOR. When you receive a drink that is subpar, mostly mixed, but can be non-alcoholic.
So, it can be a mixed drink or a soft drink, and it's just subpar.
So, it's just called DILUTED NECTOR, which I think, I didn't really like any of these words that came up with, I didn't even get a HA HA after them.
But when I found these from this new contemporary dictionary of urban culture, I was like, oh yeah, we heard from those guys before and everybody laughed.
So, anyhow.
Yeah.
The next one. SHAMMY. When you receive shame and guilt from one or more parties.
That one's okay. It's like, hey, how's your day? Man, I got a big shammy. Well, why?
Well, I took this kid's sucker, played around, and he started crying.
Everybody was like, hey, look what you did to that poor kid. You're a bad person. I don't know. Just for an example.
So, like everyone gets on your case about something like that, that's a shammy.
So, I think...
Okay, well, when we were kids, wasn't a shammy something that you used when you worked a car?
Oh, that's right. They're taking old words.
They're taking old words and repurposing them is what they're doing.
Yeah. Because that's what my dad used to tell us.
How do you check on the origins of websites? Is there any way to do this?
I don't know.
Yeah, I'm gonna work on that. I don't know.
Okay. It's probably someone throwing this shit up there acting like it's a thing, and I'm the only sucker biting.
That's what it is.
Well, no. Honestly. I mean, think about what they're doing with music.
They use a bunch of old songs and new music.
You know, that's a good point.
So, why not use our old terminologies? Just give them different designations.
All right. Yeah, well, okay. Yeah, you know what? I guess so.
Next one is Playbot.
Playbot. When you have sex, and I don't agree with this one at all because you think of a robot.
Okay. Playbot. When you have sex with someone regularly but it's without emotion, strictly to relieve each other.
So, fuck buddy.
Yeah. Fuck buddy's a Playbot.
All right. Okay, whatever.
The next one is Cortizone, and it's spelled like C-O-U-R-T-I, like a court, like courting somebody or a tennis court or something like that, right?
Cortizone.
When a male is... Cortizone's a word too, actually.
It's just spelled differently. Anyhow, Cortizone...
Yeah, C-O-R-T.
Yeah, Cortizone is a steroid. So, anyhow.
Yeah.
Cortizone is when a male is trying to court a woman but is hopelessly in the friend zone, seemingly, with no way out.
Boy, I know that feeling.
I kind of like... If Cortizone was not a steroid, I kind of like that one.
Cortizone. It kind of retrieves all the buzzwords and just smashes them all in together, and then when you read it, it's like, oh, I get it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Next one. Jam Zap. This one I didn't catch on to at all before I read it.
When someone is caught in a jam or caught in a bad way and finds a way to clear themselves by lying or a brilliant scheme.
Okay.
I get that.
Two douchebags and a microphone, pasteurized for your protection.
A constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Hey, your chair produces sound similar to a fart, but only once. Such that you cannot reproduce it and prove that it was just the chair.
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.
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You know, someone comes up with something to get out of something and it's brilliant. It's like, wow, they just zam-zap the piss out of that.
Okay.
Alright.
Yeah, I see that one.
Alright, next one. Nick stated, would someone of people misread your sexuality?
Mostly when someone thinks that's the way it's written or that's the way it is up here on the website.
Nick stated, when someone of people misread your sexuality, I don't understand the someone of people.
Okay, I guess. Well, I guess what they're saying here, they just said it differently, is when people misread your sexuality.
Mostly when someone thinks you're straight when you are not.
Right.
Okay.
Or vice versa, whatever.
Yeah.
Alright, so, this says right here, these are approved new words for Z's and millennials to use.
Exers and boomers are encouraged to stay away from this slang.
You know, I wouldn't say that slang anyhow.
It's stupid. It's dumb as hell.
They don't have to worry about me stealing their slang. I'm not that stupid.
I don't want to sound like a complete idiot. So, yeah.
I heard you shaming that someone wants to work my truck.
Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. I'll use words like that, of course.
So, that's pretty interesting.
Alright.
So, that explains Missouri law.
Go ahead with the strange Missouri law and then you can go into the Titanic Baker, Rob, if you don't mind.
Yeah, that works.
Okay.
I got a...
Alright.
I want to see. I saw where they found a 12,000 year old flute and they played it and it sounded horrible.
It sounded like a bird call.
Huh.
Yeah. Anyhow. Yeah. Anyhow.
Go ahead.
Okay. I ran across a Missouri law that...
It makes it...
There is one law that makes it illegal for kids to take out the trash.
Oh. Okay.
All these parents start out...
I struggle to get my girls to help with chores around the house, especially taking out the trash.
Well, there is one weird law in Missouri that says children should not take out the trash if there is one particular item in it.
What is it?
If there is a beer can, a bottle, wine bottle, or anything alcoholic, even if the container is empty in that trash, a child under 21 is not allowed to touch it.
That's idiotic.
So kids can get out taking out the trash.
Alright.
Okay. Well, you know what?
Okay.
Alright. Well, what was the next one you wanted to go into?
Uh...
Well, let me just go quick.
It's about a mummy that they found.
Okay.
Uh...
Okay. Now, I'm seriously not going to be able to pronounce this name.
Just do the best...
D-I-N-G-H-U-I.
It's Chinese.
Okay.
They found a mummy. They found a mummy.
Okay. We're going to call the mummy Billy.
Yeah.
The mummy Billy.
They found this mummy in 19... They discovered...
Here, I'll just read it.
The mummy... The body was from 168 or 169 B.C., also known as Lady Dai, D-A-I.
Okay.
Or Marquis of Dai.
Okay.
Was a Chinese noblewoman and wife of the... C-A-N-G.
Okay.
The Marquis of Dai and the Chancellor of Changsha Kingdom.
Okay.
During the Western Han Dynasty.
Okay.
Well, they found her tomb and her well-preserved remains and 1,400 articles were discovered in 1968.
Hmm.
Her body and belongings are currently under the care of Hunan Museum.
Her body is notable as being one of the most well-preserved mummies ever found.
Wow.
And what the other article I was reading was describing about how her body, her blood vessels were still intact.
And she was not... They did not... What do you call it?
They didn't mummy-fly her.
Oh, shit.
This is all natural.
Okay.
Just by the way she laid and where she laid and in what?
Yeah, and they found her in a fetal position, actually.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, so...
Okay.
I may want to look more up on that sort of thing, but yeah, her body was so perfectly intact from what I was reading.
Okay.
And then I also have a story about the baker, the knight, the titanic guy.
The gentleman that was... He was the baker on the titanic.
Okay.
I don't know.
Go ahead.
Hello?
Well, I may have to get back with that one because I'm not finding that story right now.
Okay.
Oh, well, I got some stuff.
Oh, go ahead.
Okay.
You need me to find it.
That's all right.
Cider is a favorite drink of kids and adults.
Would most adults performing the hard version?
However, cider makers only make cider from apples.
So if you had a pear cider, then you were actually drinking a pear-y.
P-E-R-R-Y.
Yeah, nobody knows it's called a pear-y.
I knew that.
But yeah, it's called a pear-y.
Well, you see, they sell them as pear cider when actually there is not a pear cider.
It's a pear-y.
And it's pear juice, basically, made a certain way.
Scientists have discovered that a Greenland shark can live for up to 500 years.
This means there was a shark swimming today that was potentially alive when pilgrims settled Jamestown.
Isn't that crazy?
500 years.
If you enjoy pumpkin spice flavored foods, you're likely to appreciate cinnamon and nutmeg.
Nutmeg adds a warm and spicy flavor to food and drinks in small amounts.
However, in larger amounts, it can cause hallucinations and ultimately be fatal.
And that's crazy, isn't it?
Yeah, that is.
If you have children, you likely read from Dr. Seuss's book.
These favorites have been around for generations, but you are likely saying the same to author's name incorrectly.
According to friends and family, the name rhymes with voice, not deuce.
So Dr. Seuss, not Seuss.
Isn't that crazy?
Everybody says Dr. Seuss is Dr. Seuss according to his own family.
The Easter Island heads are more than just heads.
During evacuation, archaeologists unearthed bodies on these massive stones, some measuring as tall as 33 feet.
So Easter Island, all the statues on there, actually had bodies.
Hmm.
Water sounds different to...
People were wondering that.
Yep, water sounds different depending on the temperature.
He changes how thick water is, which affects the sounds water makes when it is running.
Cold water makes a higher pitch than hot water.
Hmm. Okay.
Got me on that one.
Nope. Didn't know that one.
Nope.
Alright.
If you've ever have received a speeding ticket, it was likely a bit higher than 8 miles per hour,
which was the first recording speeding ticket in 1896.
E is the most common letter in English language, appearing on 11% of all words.
A is the next, and it appears on 8.5% of words, while Q is the rarest letter, only appearing on 0.2% of words, and I believe that completely.
You don't see Q on a lot of words. Never.
Yeah.
Throughout the world, people are familiar with animals and police service, particularly dogs and horses,
but there are regions in China that rely on the loud and disruptive nature of geese to help police the streets.
Their commotion has deterred many criminals in recent years.
I bet!
Geese are mean little motherfuckers. You've ever had one come after you?
Yeah they are. Yeah they are.
I had a neighbor that had some.
Oh, they are?
We didn't play in that yard.
And another thing is geese, you just can't go out and shoot them either.
So they're not like open game or a hunted species because they come into cities all the time, right?
And those fuckers will shut down a freeway, they'll shut down stores, because I mean all different kinds of stuff,
because they just start like walking across everywhere and everyone has to halt for them. It's crazy.
Kind of looks like the beginning of the Partridge family or something, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah.
Alright, anybody our age knows that? Anybody under that? I don't know, maybe not.
Hail storms are common, but some planets are diamond storms.
On Saturn and Jupiter, lightning strikes carbon soot and hardens into graphite.
Then the material becomes pressurized during the storm and becomes a diamond.
The result is diamond hail.
That wouldn't be a bad hail storm, would it?
Nope.
Hell yeah, I'll take those diamonds over here, bitch. Fucking set them right here.
Bill Gates is part of the Given Pledge, which encourages those able to donate half of their wealth to those less fortunate.
Gates has donated around 30 billion to nonprofits, and he has saved more than 6 million lives through vaccine and healthcare initiatives.
To date, 231 philanthropists have signed his pledge.
Okay, cool.
Mr. Sir?
Scott will name the unicorn.
Though never seen in person, the national animal, the Scots opted for this mythical creature over the Loch Ness Monster
for the role the unicorn played throughout their history.
Okay.
Didn't know that, but I know it now.
According to many astronauts, space does indeed have a smell.
Many spacewalkers describe space as smelling like seared steak or hot metal.
Hmm.
That is interesting.
I never even thought about what space would smell like.
No, I haven't either.
Humans are not the only species that can dance.
Sea lions have the ability to move their bodies to the rhythm of an external beat.
If you see a sea lion, they consider challenging it to a dance-off.
No, thank you.
I'll just go ahead and let the sea lion dance as much as it wants and I'll just stand there and go,
hey, look at this shit.
This sea lion can dance.
I'll grab my cell phone.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll get a million hits on YouTube.
Yeah.
There's a species on Earth considered to be immortal.
The immortal jellyfish is aptly named as it can transform some of its cells into the childhood state.
The reaction usually occurs when the animal feels threatened.
Jellyfish also has a habit of hitchhiking on boats, and scientists have found them throughout the world now.
Huh.
Wow.
Newborn babies are incredibly different than what they will grow up to be.
At birth, the baby's head is approximately one quarter of its body weight.
The baby's brain will also double in size in one year.
Babies also have 300 bones, while adults only have 206.
Okay, I never heard that one.
I don't know. I think it's true.
I didn't cross-reference this at all.
So anyhow, you get what you get.
Look, man, we tell you, if you do anything over here, we always tell you, don't believe us.
Go look.
Go look, and if we're fucked, we told you we're fucked, so no big surprise.
So there.
Is that Nellis? Call in. Tell us what's wrong.
Yeah, that's right.
816-217-7717.
And I am going to start doing remotes at the city market again.
Okay, okay.
Yep. So.
Anyhow, let's see.
Dolphins are highly trainable creatures. During the Vietnam War, both American and the Soviet Union trained dolphins.
These animals could detect mines, deliver needed equipment to divers, retrieve lost items, and protect submarines.
Dolphins are very intelligent and emotional.
The dolphin who portrayed Flipper chose not to return to the surface for air and died with her trainer, essentially committing suicide.
Wow.
That is, that's sad.
I always wondered what happened to Flipper.
He told himself because he loved his trainer that much. That's crazy.
Yes, yes.
The Earth has earthquakes and the Moon has moonquakes. Total distress caused by the distance between the Earth and the Moon causes these tremors.
Alright.
Most parents feel like their babies grow fast and those with teenagers often feel they cannot keep enough food for their growing kids.
Yet human children have nothing on blue whales. The offspring of these mammals can grow up to 200 pounds in a single day.
This is rapid growth weight, can last an entire year, and I've seen that before. I believe that is true.
Yeah, I believe it's true too.
Sea slugs are almost invincible. If someone severs the head of a sea slug from the body, a new body grows.
Must be nice.
Yeah.
Talking to your dog may not be crazy after all. I never thought it was crazy.
I talk to my dogs all the fucking time. You know what? And they answer me.
They don't go, hey Mark, they answer me their own way and I understand what it is.
And if you don't agree with me, fuck you. You're stupid.
Dogs are highly intelligent and can learn some English. Yeah, I do know that.
Dogs can learn up to 165 words, particular words with the hard T or R. This might explain why all dogs recognize the word treat.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
Dinosaurs lived on every planet on the earth, including Antarctica.
The reason fossils are not prevalent everywhere is that the conditions were not great to preserve remains or create fossils in many places.
In fact, scientists think there were many species of dinosaurs we know nothing about because their bones were too small to fossilize.
That's interesting.
I honestly, I believe that.
I do too.
Trees have been and existed on earth for approximately 350 years, yet trees are not as old as sharks, which have been around for 400 million years.
Wow.
Yep.
That's pretty, yeah, that's, yeah. Okay.
So let's see. Well, I guess that would be a species that didn't evolve very much, right? Because they're the same species?
Yeah. Yeah.
Boy, I'd take that. So, okay.
All right.
Let's see.
Due to scientific advancements in life today, more twins are being born now than ever before.
In the early 1980s, there were nine twin births per 1000.
Nine births per 1000.
Today, there are 12 to 14 twin births per 1000.
More and more families use fertility treatments, which results in a higher chance of multiples.
Many adults are also delayed childbearing to accommodate careers.
Doctors also associate twins with older maternal age.
So there you go.
Older ones hatch that extra.
The narwhals tusk, often compared to the unicorn's horn, tells scientists how old the animal is and its living conditions each year.
Similar to a tree, the tusk grows a ring every year.
Now, this next one I know all about because I read a couple of books on it, and it's true.
Lincoln had a bodyguard on duty on the night of his assassination.
Fred Patrick Parker had already arrived late for his shift.
Then he decided to take a break and get a drink in a nearby saloon during the show.
During his absence, John Wilkes Booth entered Lincoln's box and shot the president.
I have heard that.
Yep. Yep.
So, yeah, if his bodyguard was there, he might have ate the bullet for the president.
The most people are aware that Beethoven was deaf.
However, the musician figured out a way to hear even after losing the ability to hear sounds.
If Beethoven's bit into a metal pole that he connected to his piano, then he could hear through a process called bone conduction.
I believe that's true.
Yeah.
The Nobel Prize is a highly coveted recognition in the scientific community.
Most award winners spend so much of their time in one field to earn the prize.
Marie Curie, however, is the only person to win the award in two different fields, physics and chemistry.
During Prohibition, the United States government became so frustrated, citizens still consumed alcohol.
Bootleggers took drastic measures.
Bootleggers often stole industrial alcohols, so the government poisoned these alcohols.
By the end of Prohibition, scientists estimate nearly 10,000 people died from this tactic.
That is dirty.
Yeah, it is.
So they want to drink and you kill them?
So that's better than people drinking?
Yeah, that's nuts.
Napoleon is one of the greatest generals in military history, yet he was almost bested by a large herd of rabbits.
To celebrate a victory, friends organized a rabbit hunt.
The groups brought thousands of rabbits to release for the hunt.
Upon release, many turned on the celebrators, including Napoleon.
Yeah, I say go rabbits.
Yeah, I do too.
That's cool.
Texas is the only state that chose to join the United States.
The country added all other states by annexation.
Texas willingly joined with a treaty and it was an independent nation from 1836 to 1845.
And you go down to Texas, they're still like another country, let's face it.
They're like, we're Texas and leave us alone.
So anyhow.
There are many highly decorated military animals throughout American history.
During World War I, the 1st Infantry Division used rags, a terrier mix, to transport messages between units.
Chief was the last mount or military horse in the Army.
The military gave both of these animals full military honors at their burials.
In fact, leaders buried Chief in an upright position on Fort Riley.
So that's just out there in Kansas about two hours?
Yeah, yeah.
That's pretty cool.
Very cool actually.
I think they deserve the same recognition too.
Oh, you too?
M&Ms are one of the most beloved candies in the world.
But unknown to many, the M's stand for Mars and Murray, the two men that developed the candy.
Rations given to soldiers during the Spanish-American War inspired this candy.
Traditional chocolate bars would melt before soldiers could eat them.
The candy coating ensured soldiers could enjoy chocolates in the field.
Designers made the Infamous Knights watch cloaks from Game of Thrones in $250 IKEA rugs.
Costume designers for the show purchased these rugs.
Cut them, dyed them, and sewed them into heavy cloaks viewers saw on screen.
Wow.
Friends is a well-loved show that airs on many channels.
This is still branded on merchandise today.
The cast still receives a percent of everything the show makes,
resulting in each of the main six cast members getting a check for around $20 million each year.
The most expensive new car ever sold went for $13 million.
The custom-built Rolls Royce is one of a kind.
And the most expensive car ever purchased is a 1963 Ferrari GTO that recently sold for $70 million.
Wow.
Yep.
That's a lot of money.
Yeah, it is.
Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors, and horrible pranks?
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
TwoDouchebagsandMicrophone.net, your one stop for everything douchebaggery.
You want to write us?
You want to say something to us?
You want to look for a live button when we go live, you can call in.
All of this stuff is right there for your ear holes and eye holes.
You got it, chumps.
It's all yours.
TwoDouchebagsandMicrophone.net is up and running.
Hey, where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Ugh, I'm glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.