Live from the city market, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water, because nobody likes
a stinky asshole.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Mary, your grandmother always intruded your thoughts at the last minute while you are
masturbating.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
Hi, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, Rob Rad is once again the co-host.
I spoke with Topher earlier today.
He'll be back, it's just the timeline isn't certain.
So just hang tight, all you Topher fans out there that are probably kicking the speaker
right now, he'll be back.
So and we're Topher fans too, don't get me wrong.
I'm not saying like you know, yeah, yeah, we love Topher.
Yeah we do.
And he's a great part of the show.
And like I said before, Rob is fantastic.
We love him.
And I mean, that's just all there is to say about that.
He does a great job.
And ideally, we're all going to incorporate this whole ball of shit into one ball of shit
at one time coming up.
So anyhow.
Yeah, so like in other words, it's like a non-story because Topher's got some stuff
going on and he just can't be a part of it.
And we will get it figured out.
And then when all this whole ball of shit comes together, we warned you.
We're going to have some fun.
Yes.
So I'd like to start off with the People Are Idiots department.
Does that sound good?
Oh, that sounds awesome.
Okay, well students in Tokyo, Japan are undergoing smile education.
Smile education.
Yes.
That's right.
Someone suckered these people into smile lessons.
And let me explain why.
And this is brilliant.
Whoever came up with this and saw the suckers come around the corner, that guy's a genius.
I want him selling fucking tractors or something for me because hang on.
Listen to this.
We're learning their social cues after years of near universal mask wearing.
Isn't that awesome?
He's like, hmm, post pandemic, what can I do to make money off of this?
Because before he's probably teaching people sign language or something.
So Kiko Kawano, company, Goiku has seen more than a four fold jump in demand for smile
instruction.
Oh, and get this.
This isn't a runoff.
It's a full course.
So not only did he sucker people to the school, but for a whole semester.
He's like saying, you just don't come in and go, hey, show me how to resmile again.
He says, you got like, I don't know, fucking 30 courses or some shit.
Whatever this semester is, you're paying for it.
Are you kidding me?
No, I'm not.
I'm not.
By the way, people love to toss money at stupidity.
Yeah, they do.
Ask Congress.
That's something we would have done.
Yeah.
And it would have been a joke and then we would have looked at each other and said,
is this really working?
And you would have shrugged your shoulders and said, it appears so.
And then we go, let's go with it.
Yeah.
So Mr. Kiko Kawano, you're a genius and we salute you.
Yeah, sir.
We salute you.
How about a little golf clap for Kiko Kawano?
Great job.
Great job, buddy.
Yes.
Good sucker, those fuckers, right around the corner.
Good for you.
This next one is from Fox News.
Even without Tucker, they still do some good articles.
Yeah, I've been reading a lot of good ones out there lately.
Yeah.
Willie Nelson gets a new species of grasshopper named after him.
That's right.
Willie Nelson, the what, 90 year old, I would call him almost country rock star.
He's an icon.
Yeah, he is.
He is fantastic.
He's proof that you can do whatever you want in life and be okay.
Yes.
Yeah.
And live forever.
He's another Keith Rickards.
Yes, he is.
With quite a bit of talent.
I love his music.
His music is fantastic.
And he's one of those people that you can like stop everything and be like, oh, I'm
going to do this.
I'm going to do this.
And then you can like stop everything.
Put on a Willie Nelson record, if you will, or whatever they are nowadays.
MP3, whatever.
And people will go, oh, hey, man.
That's a good choice.
That's Willie Nelson.
And that would be everybody in the crowd.
Let's say there's like a 15, 17 year old.
They go, hey, that's Willie Nelson.
Let's say there's a 25 year old.
They go, hey, that's Willie Nelson.
Let's say there's a 45 year old.
Hey, that's Willie Nelson.
Let's say there's a 60 year old.
Hey, that's Willie Nelson.
Let's say there's a 90 year old.
Hey, that's Willie Nelson.
Everyone knows who Willie Nelson is and they all at least respect him and get along with
his music enough to listen to a couple of songs.
Yeah, the guy's great.
He's had a lot of great hits over the years.
He really has.
Yes, he has.
And if anyone has never checked out his music, I encourage you to do it.
Yes.
Yeah, just listen to a few of his songs over the decades.
Like maybe pick some early ones, pick some mid ones, and pick some latter ones and listen
to them.
They're really good.
And this comes from someone that still loves metal, still loves hard rock.
Like we were talking about earlier off air, our tastes have expanded and we like a lot
of different things now and Willie Nelson is one of them.
So go ahead.
Oh, go ahead.
I'm going to go into this here.
I was just going to throw in just a podcast or two.
I was talking about how my ex-wife is a Patsy Cline impersonator.
And Patsy Cline was just fantastic.
Oh, that voice of hers, her look, everything about her was just fantastic.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, too bad she didn't live a little bit longer.
And check out All About Patsy.
She outspread as an awesome rendition.
She's got me talking to her.
I'm going to make the trek up to St. Joe, is it?
Yeah, St. Joe.
Yeah, when I do, I'll let you know.
We can both go.
I'll let you know here in just a few minutes on where.
Okay.
That'd be great.
Go ahead and promote it and then one night we'll be up there.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, maybe we'll have two douchebags and a microphone night at Patsy Cline.
Hey, you know what?
I could line that up.
I just talked to her the other night.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we could give out like little douchebag cards.
Yeah.
I don't suggest us putting her.
I don't like the name, they're Christians.
Oh, let's see.
Hey, she wasn't married to me for like five years or so.
Let's put two feminine hygiene receptacles and a microphone.
Okay.
I don't think I've ever liked that.
Hey, it's no different than Equestrian Vagina we were talking about with my friend Steve
one day.
We used to scream horse pussy in Buzzard Beach and they used to have these long meetings
about it.
Buzzard Beach is a bar and they used to have these long meetings about it about how are
we going to stop them?
Then all the other people go, we think it makes people drink more.
They love it.
They love it when these idiots over there in the corner scream out horse pussy.
We had the whole bar screaming except for maybe a couple of uptight fucks.
The rest of them screamed it and they loved it.
It was just like something that we did.
Half of the bar staff that worked there loved it and the other half despised it.
They got into big fights in their company meetings all the time over it.
One day our friend Mac was over there screaming it and this fucking tofu eating fucking dork
comes over there and puts him in a headlock and he goes, how about for a little bit more
gentle on that?
Why don't we say Equestrian Vagina?
So we started doing that for one night and then after I promptly took the guy's hands
off of Mac and told him that if he valued his fingers he would never do that again,
which he did respect that because he understood that he was going to get them broke if he
touched him or any one of us again.
Then after that happened we went to Equestrian Vagina for one night and then the next night
it was like, nah, we're going back to horse pussy.
So anyhow, back to the original story here.
The flightless insect discovered where a veteran singer actor was born 90 years ago, I guess
he is 90 years old, country music legend Willie Nelson has received an unusual honor.
He's had a just discovered grasshopper named after him.
Scientists discovered the flightless insect in Texas where the veteran singer and actor
was born 90 years ago, like I said.
I hate them when they do that in articles where they repeat themselves.
Like I said, I think they get paid per word.
So anyhow.
They got to.
Guys like us, this is what we're doing, you know, we gotta read all this.
It's repeats.
Yeah, yeah, and virtually every article online has this.
And it repeats itself.
And it's like they go into other stuff.
But it's like one of those deals where it's like you always said the veteran actor and
where he was born.
We understand that it was named after him because of the region that they found the
wingless, flightless creature at.
So we understand that.
But then it has to say it again.
So anyhow, so scientists say the central part of Texas is known for the spot of the biological
wonders is what they call them on this.
And I'm like, biological wonders?
It's a grasshopper.
How much is a biological wonder a grasshopper?
They're like little fucking pests that go around and eat up everything and you got to
watch them around your crops.
So the last five years.
These people have not lived in Missouri.
Absolutely.
The grasshopper should be our state bird and not the cardinal.
Scientists say the central part of Texas is known spot for the biological wonders.
For the last five years, Dr. Jovan Hill, a country music fan and his colleagues.
He could even be a country music artist with that name.
And now introducing Dr. Jovan Hill.
He's going to come out with a banjo or some shit.
So anyhow, he's a country music fan.
His colleagues have made scientific expeditions to the area.
The team found seven previously unknown flightless grasshopper species and they named them after
other artists, but I didn't know who the hell they were.
And I figured anyone out there listening would not know who they were.
So I didn't name them.
So I just took and I Xed out that part.
You know how you can erase parts of articles?
I did that.
So anyhow, with this discovery, Dr. Hill paid tribute to Willie Nelson by naming one of
his newly discovered insects, Mononopolis nelsoni.
And I don't think that's really kind of named it after.
The only part of it is Nelson-oni, Nelsoni.
So anyhow, I would argue whether he actually really did name it after Willie Nelson.
But you know what?
Okay.
Let's just say he did.
All right, he could have named it something else.
Well, all right.
Congratulations, Stoufus.
You got a name.
You got something named after him.
So anyway.
Okay.
Now let me back you up on this.
Okay.
I read pretty much the same story, but it was probably from a different source.
Okay.
Yeah.
So yeah, I'm going to back you on the story.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean, you can Google it.
I read it.
I passed it up.
But yeah.
And I decided to go into it because I found it interesting because there's another species
named after some other artists.
I can't believe it.
And I got into that about a half a year ago.
And it was a foreign guy that was obsessed with someone like Katy Perry or something
like that.
And he named a whole species of like slugs or something after her.
And it was just.
Sorry.
I don't mean to laugh.
No, no, no.
That was funnier actually.
It was like, oh, I'm sure she's thrilled to hear that.
Yeah.
But I'm sure we have some listeners that like.
No, no, no.
I don't have anything against her.
I mean, I just thought it was funny that I think it was slugs or something like that
named after her.
And I'm like, oh.
Yeah.
That's the part.
Yeah.
That's what I'm left.
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm going to crack a smile.
I bet she did not.
Yeah.
So anyhow, you got anything you want to go into, Rob?
Yeah, I do.
I do.
All right.
Well, you had mentioned you wanted some Ozark news.
Yes.
All right.
And I mean, there's a promo from it.
And before tonight, we've pretty much been talking about music.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I've mentioned the Ozark Amphitheater here in Camden, Missouri, Lake of the Ozarks.
Yeah.
It's the one right on the lake, isn't it?
Where you turn around and you can see the lake from there?
No, no, no, no, no.
It's not that one down there near.
No, it's not.
You can't see the lake.
This is in Camden.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
You're talking on the other side.
So you're just going to the other side.
I'm on the.
Well, I know where Camden is.
And yes, I am used to going to the northern.
All right.
I thought you went to that Mexican restaurant down the road here.
Yeah.
I've been to Camden a few times.
I mean, I used to I used to see a female that lived there for a little while.
Well, we'll talk about that one up there.
Yeah.
Well, she moved back and then I didn't have to drive so far.
But anyhow, I mean, that's anyhow.
Go ahead.
Anyway, I have the Ozark amphitheater lineup for the year.
Well, the rest of the year.
OK.
And OK, there's a few of these.
I don't know.
But there's a few I gave.
And I'm sure you will, too, Mark.
OK.
The one that I saw, the other one, the other amphitheater I'm talking about is Vince Neal
was there one year.
What is it actually that long ago?
It's two years ago.
Is that a vineyard?
Is there a vineyard right there?
There could have been by the time I got there, it was dark and he was just getting on because
I had to drive from here after work.
So there could have been one.
I don't know.
But you can see the lake plain and simple.
I mean, the lake's like right there, but the band is facing the lake.
You're not facing the lake.
So anyhow, it doesn't matter.
Go ahead.
Well, yeah, anyway, tomorrow night, and I don't know who these are, the Attic Brothers.
OK.
A-B-E-T-T.
I don't know who they are.
The Attic Brothers?
June 22nd, Walker Hays.
Oh, I've heard of him.
OK.
June 30th, Trace Atkins and Eddie Montgomery.
That's a pretty good lineup right there.
July 2nd.
You ready for this one?
Earth Wind and Fire.
You want to talk about a blast on the past.
I'm surprised they're even alive, to be honest.
Who is it?
Earth Wind and Fire.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they still tour quite a bit.
They came by Kansas City last year.
They actually...
Oh, I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they come by Kansas City almost once a year, actually.
They're still very active.
And I don't know how many of the original band is left either, though.
Yeah, yeah, well, I didn't read up on that.
I'm just going off the end.
It's kind of like Forna where there's not an original member most nights they play,
but people don't know that.
Yeah.
But anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, July 14th.
Billy Carrington.
Okay, that's a pretty solid one.
July 23rd.
Dirk Bentley and Tracy Lawrence.
That's a solid one.
Okay, August 5th.
These two I personally don't know.
In This Moment and Motionless in White.
Okay, In This Moment is a relatively newer rock act.
I don't know.
I have no idea.
Yeah, I don't know either one of them.
Okay.
August 18th is going to be a little interesting.
Okay.
Incubus and Bad Flower.
Now, Incubus, people used to think that they were heavy and they really weren't,
so I used to call them Incubus just to piss people off.
Well, yeah, we all did.
Yeah, yeah.
And Bad Flower, I would love to go see them just because of their name.
August 18th.
We'll see.
Oh, they'll go over there just for Bad Flower.
Now, the very next day, August 19th.
Oh, man, they didn't even have time to clean up the puke.
They did, Todd and the boss.
Well, I would go see them.
Yep.
And Blues Travels.
Oh, that's solid.
That's worth going down there for.
That gives me a solid fucking B plus on that.
August 19th.
Hey, hey, hey.
Podcast.
Two Douchebags and Microphone Live from the Ozark Mountain Theater.
Live face to face for once.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll tell you what.
We'll talk about it out there.
Have you ever been to the Windolampi, Missouri?
Way down there.
Right next to the Black Oak.
Last time I was down there, Amphitheater wouldn't even open back up.
It's open back up now.
It's been shut down for years.
Yeah, it used to be the Swiss Villa Amphitheater.
Stone Temple Palace is coming there.
Oh, that would be a good one to see.
Yeah.
But anyway, let's get back on over.
I got a story, I got two stories about Black Oak Amphitheater.
One when they were Swiss Villa and one when they were Black Oak Amphitheater.
And when we get done with this, I got to tell you my two stories because they're pretty fucking cool.
I got a few more concerts here.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay.
August 23rd, Doobie Brothers, which I happen to know was just in Kansas.
Yeah, yeah.
A lot of them go down there and they vacation.
You'll see on their schedules, their touring schedules, especially the older one like the Doobie Brothers,
they'll stay down there for like ten days and then they'll end up in like Illinois or Tennessee or something.
Yeah.
Well, this is Lake of the Ozarks.
Yeah, they come down there and actually vacation.
Yeah.
It was just like when Ozzy was there back in 94, I think, when I went and saw him there.
They actually came up on a houseboat.
Oh, really?
Yeah, people seen them.
They're going, they're coming on the houseboat.
And I'm like, oh, wow.
I looked over there, peeked over there.
They're going to the back of the stage to get ready.
But anyhow, go ahead.
Oh, yeah.
I was speaking to famous people.
I met Derek Thomas down there.
Oh, really?
At Party Coke.
But that was years ago.
Yeah, he doesn't get around very much now.
No, no, no.
Oh, too soon?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, too soon?
Okay, sorry.
Go ahead.
August 25th, which is a big day to me.
Okay.
For one, it's my mama's birthday.
All right.
Good, good.
Yay, mama.
For number two, for number two, it's Gene Simmons' birthday.
Okay.
Number, yeah, he had that aptly named number.
Okay.
And I was concert and turnpike, troubadours, and muscadine bloodline.
I'd rather shoot up Drano.
I'd rather turnpike, troubadours, I don't know.
I'd rather shoot up Drano.
Not really.
Okay, now, hey, now, wait a second.
We may have to rethink August 19th and September 1st.
Okay, go ahead.
August 19th, will I still be in Cancun or not?
No, I'll just be, go ahead, go ahead.
September 1st, skill it, and better live it than me.
Okay.
That'd be pretty solid.
That would be a good concert.
Okay.
That would be a good concert.
Okay.
And it's a small amphitheater, so that whole thing's gonna rock this place.
That would be a good one.
I'll bet you that'll be sold out, too.
Anybody like comedians?
Oh, yeah, hell yeah.
September 2nd.
I thought I'd be in there.
Larry the Cable Guy.
Okay, cool.
That's a great place to see him, I'm sure.
I've always wondered.
Here's the thing about down there.
You'll be thinking he's in the crowd half of the night.
Oh, yeah, it's gonna be fun.
Oh, no, no, no, there he is.
Oh, wait a minute, he's on stage.
That's none of them.
The funny thing is a lot of the guys down here look like him.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, speaking of, okay, I got a couple concerts and I've got something to add to that anyway.
Okay.
Okay, September 9th, train and vertical rise.
Okay, yeah, yeah, train was kind of a mellowish band.
They had some good stuff.
Yeah, they were good.
I remember they did that gimmick like the money back fucking CD or something like if you didn't like it, they give you your money back or some shit.
I thought that was interesting, but it was good.
It was a little sappy in times, a little mellow, but I liked it.
I liked a few of their songs.
No, they were good.
They were good.
They were solid.
Anyhow, yeah.
I mean for Dale, they're seeing a concert that intimate.
It'd be cool to see.
Yeah, there's a lot of country down there too.
Oh, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of boot scooting down there.
Oh, yeah, well, that's boot scooting country, dude.
I mean, I get it.
Yeah, and then finally September 22nd, Goo Goo Dolls and Bits and the Tantrums.
I would like to see that.
Yeah, and then the Goo Goo Dolls did some really good songs.
They really did.
Yeah, they did.
Yeah, they really did.
Matter of fact, on the story that I'm working on that you know about, they may be in the
running.
I'm not sure yet.
Okay.
Like I said, anything goes on that.
Anything goes on that.
So, if they're in the running, it's going to be it.
Yeah, but we're not going to tell the audience what this story is.
Okay.
It's going to be, it's going to be a surprise.
Okay.
Like I said, I think it's going to be a whole podcast itself.
Okay.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and
old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
If I ever find that doctor that screwed up my limb replacement surgery, I will kill him
with my bare hands.
In that brand new feature, strange insults from an alien.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
Hello.
This is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags
in a microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
You get to talk.
Just a spoiler, it's about music.
Yes.
And it's an in-depth conversation.
And here's the thing.
There's no right or wrong.
No, there's not.
It is what it is.
You ask my opinion, I'm going to give you my opinion, and we're going to just, yeah,
come on, Mark.
It's me and you.
We get talking about music.
That's all we're going to talk about.
Yep.
And soon, I mean, actually...
So I'm going to have to hurry up with this before Topher does come back.
Okay.
Anyhow, I mean, and also...
Because Topher probably ain't going to get a word in as well.
Probably not.
You're right.
So I'm going to hurry up on it.
Hopefully we can do it.
I'm going to say next week.
Okay.
Let's see.
Did you have something you wanted to go in?
I've been catching a little flack from a couple guys at work that's been listening about
my hillbillies.
It's said it's a term of endearment.
Yeah, it is.
But I just want everybody to know that I was not taught...
The guys I was talking to was our hillbillies.
They were West Virginia hillbillies.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Yeah, I got family in West Virginia too.
Wouldn't it be better if we called them Plateau Willys?
Yeah, maybe I should have called them that.
Plateau Willys.
Okay, for now on there.
Plateau Willys, Hump Jacks.
No, honestly, it's a nice place to live.
Oh, no, no, no.
Actually, there's a couple of terms that are even better than that that I've heard.
Hill Rods.
Yeah, I would know.
And Hill Jacks.
Yeah, Hill Jacks, yeah.
Yeah, and I find those funny.
You can call me any derogatory name in the whole world.
It does not bother me one bit.
If it's funny, it's funny.
I mean, that's just all, and I don't take it personal.
And I think that, I think like everybody thinks like that, but I guess they don't.
So, you know, it's all right.
I mean, if they get, I hope they don't get offended by it.
I hope they know that it's just a joke.
It's tongue in check.
Yes, no, no, no.
Like I said, these are a couple guys I work with.
We're good.
Okay, that's cool.
They know me.
Shut up and powder coat your trailers.
Like I said, I was talking about my West Virginia family.
Okay, and I'm telling them to shut up and powder coat those fucking trailers.
No, we'll, well, we'll powder coat.
We have our own paint.
You have paint lock, don't you?
Yeah.
Okay.
Anyway, yeah.
Shut up and wash those damn things down with the lacquer thinner.
Which, by the way, is all right, both trailers.
Oh, good, yeah.
Just a shout out, all right.
If you're going to buy a good boat trailer, it's got to be Paul Wright.
That's the man.
A-J-U-L-R-I-T-E.
Yeah, and with every one of these trailers, Rob Radd sends a picture of his genitals.
It's on the inside right tire.
You have to take the little hook cap thing off.
And in there is a picture of his genitals.
So whenever you buy this, just poke on in there and see it.
Okay?
And give him comments.
Give him comments.
Send him comments.
And damn it, I better be getting some pics, too, if they're not.
You still don't have any mail buy.
I got to, like, shoot that promo.
You better be sweat.
I've got to throw that promo out on every fucking show, I guess.
What the hell, people?
What's wrong with you?
We know you guys are sick and perverted because you listen to us.
What's the holdup?
What?
Yeah, let loose with some.
Come on, Paulie.
Remember, I said he likes ass up with a face.
Ass up with your head turned around smiling.
That's what he likes.
One picture of anybody I'll be happy.
So come on, guys.
Come on, break loose with it.
Alright, where are you going?
Oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shit, I've got it.
We were going around the corner and up the hill.
I'm telling you, we're going to be screwed when Topher comes back.
Oh, I know.
He's going to just walk off.
He's going to go, you know, I wanted to do this.
No, no, no.
I'm not going to let that happen.
Okay.
Well, here's, okay, I had a couple of stories about Black Oak Amphitheater and before the
prior, Swiss Villa Amphitheater.
Yeah.
Back in the 90s, it was Swiss Villa and they had huge acts.
They still have some big acts coming there, but not like they did when it was Swiss Villa.
So this particular concert I was talking about was Ozzy with Stone Temple Pilots opening
up.
Oh, no, shit.
No, no, no.
It wasn't Stone Temple Pilots.
Oh, sorry.
Didn't mean to say that.
It was, oh, who cares?
It was Alice in Chains, not Stone Temple Pilots.
We were just talking about SPP.
Oh.
Okay.
Alice in Chains was opening up and Lane Staley had this big couch because he had shattered
his foot and he was sitting there in the couch singing and these hill rods, and these people
were hill rods.
They were fantastic, but I was getting mad because I couldn't hardly watch the concert
because of what they were doing.
When it was Swiss Villa Amphitheater, they had this nosebleed section, if you will, that
was all lawn and then they had seats.
The nosebleed section was probably at least a 50-foot cliff of rocks and then down below
was the seats.
Now, I don't know how much the lawn cost up there.
I don't think it was very much, but there was a ton of people up there.
The first thing I see is I see this one hill rod jump off the fucking cliff and he landed
right in the seats and ran and he was fine.
Second one came up, he was fine.
Third one came up, ambulance came and got him.
Fourth one that came up, ambulance came and got him.
Fifth one that came up, ambulance came and got him.
Then I think another one made it through and then finally had to have a bunch of security
go up there and stand near those rocks to not let people jump off because people are
getting injured left and right trying to get into the seats from up there in the lawn.
It was insane.
I was getting pissed because I'm like, I can't begin to watch this fucking concert because
I was there to see Ozzy, but Alice in Chains was just emerging.
I think this is like maybe 92, something like that.
Alice in Chains.
Okay.
Last time I was down there was 2001 and it was closed down.
Okay.
Well, they're open back up now and they've been open for a couple of years.
They shut down again for a little bit, but they're open back up again under Black Oak
Amphitheater.
I don't know what happened, if it's a temporary shutdown or what, but they are back because
I saw a schedule not too long ago for 2023.
Maybe COVID killed them.
COVID might've killed them.
I don't know.
But anyhow, then when they were Black Oak Amphitheater, we saw Leonard Skinner there,
and this is maybe five years ago, maybe.
And anyhow, we're only seeing Skinner because I'm not a huge Skinner fan.
They're okay, but- I'm old school Skinner.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, I understand that.
But I mean, essentially it's like two of the original members, most of them died in that
plane crash and it's like family members or just someone they could find that could play.
And I don't know, I don't take well to all the substitutes.
And anyhow, they kind of mailed it in.
It was only like a 55 minute set at best and they just got the hell out of there.
You could tell it was maybe a favor or something while they showed up there.
I don't know.
They were maybe in change for like a houseboat for a week.
I don't know.
But you could tell it really wasn't a full fledged concert that they normally do.
But the thing was, I didn't get to watch a concert because of all the fights.
It started four rows behind us and it ended up in our row and ended up all the way in
the front row because we're about 10th row.
And it just kept like the wave.
The fight just kept going back and forth.
More people getting involved.
Less people, more people.
Just finished, more people.
It was a steady rolling fight for all 55 plus minutes.
And then the other thing is we're driving out of there and right in the middle of the
road was this hill jack screaming at his girlfriend on his cell phone in the middle of the road
at midnight.
And people were about ready to hit him, honking on him.
And he was so mad.
People were like whizzing by him, almost like just brushing him around because he was in
the middle of the road screaming at his girlfriend calling her a fucking whore and stupid bitch
and he's going to kill her and all this stuff.
And he didn't see anybody.
He was so mad.
And it was just insane.
And that was my second story from down there.
So anyhow, it was a pretty insane place.
So that was my second story and that's pretty much it.
Yeah, like I said, when I was down there it was not the theater.
Okay.
Well they've since opened back up and the theater is actually really nice again.
When we saw Skittered it was all built up and nice.
I mean it was enjoyable.
So I was telling you Stone Temple Pilots is going to be there.
I don't know the date right off hand.
I looked it up real quick.
I've been seeing a lot of advertisements for it.
So they're opening back up and there's been a lot of big bands rolling through there.
Okay.
I've been watching it.
I will have to take and get a hold of their schedule and maybe we can meet down there.
Hey, why don't you just put that on me.
Okay.
All right.
I'll have that on the next one.
All right.
That is your next duty is to find the schedule for that and figure out what we want to see.
I will.
I will be on it.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'll give you a serious note.
Okay.
And I did cross references and anybody can look this up.
Okay.
In 1932 the Australian Army went to war against Emus.
Okay.
They were destroying farmland.
Now you want to know the funny thing is?
Yeah, I do.
It's already funny.
The Army lost.
That is funny.
That's very funny.
And like I said, I cross referenced this a couple of times.
It wasn't at, it's called the Emu War.
It actually happened.
Yeah.
It's kind of funny.
I thought that's what caught my eye.
I had to cross where I'm saying yes, this one actually worked out.
Cool.
Very cool.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I wonder when they lost, what happened?
They just all left?
Well, what it was was Emus were eating crops in the farmland.
And I don't know how they lost, but they lost.
The Emus took over.
We find all the Emus came back on their fucking...
Like I said, I crossed...
...Homer tanks.
So anybody can look it up and read more about it.
Okay.
I'm just reading what I wrote down.
Okay.
That's cool.
I got a little news for you here.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
June is the official birth month of Grimace from McDonald's.
The biggest furious and most beloved McDonald's character that has ever existed to celebrate
the occasion...
You're my favorite.
Oh, me too.
Everybody loved Grimace.
Yeah.
Or rather to celebrate its own invention of the occasion.
McDonald's is doing something it doesn't do very often.
It releases a new shake flavor.
Since this is an all things Grimace celebration, the shake which will be available June 12th
for a limited time will be purple and berry flavor consisting...
Considering McDonald's rarely dabbles outside the Shamrock Shake territory, this is significant
because ever since the Shamrock Shake, they have not strayed from their shakes.
They have the two flavors and then in March, you have the Shamrock Shake and then that's
it after March.
You know, and anyhow, I like this.
I think it's going to be cool.
The thing is, you can purchase a Grimace Shake on its own, but you can also get it as a part
of the so-called Grimace Birthday Meal, a standard issue value combo that comes with
a shake.
It's your choice of a Big Mac or 10 piece chicken McNuggets and a side of medium fries.
There will also be Grimace themed merch available at GoldenArchesUnlimited.com.
So there you go.
I'm going to go there and get me a Grimace shirt.
Who doesn't want a Grimace shirt?
Oh, I'm going to get one too.
Hell yeah.
You know what?
The Grimace shirt is the official shirt of two douchebags and a microphone.
We know you don't...
Let's make that happen.
Yeah.
You know you don't want to see pictures of us on a shirt, right?
Yeah, no.
How about Grimace?
Yeah, there we go.
This meal is a bit of a departure from the spate of celebrity meals that have made McDonald's
millions in the recent past, like the Cardi B and the Offset Meal and the BTS Meal.
The first one started the Travis Scott meal way back in...
Shoot, quite a bit...
Well, anyhow.
Let's see.
The Celebrity McDonald's meals are probably not going to go away.
They'll come back.
But anyhow, Grimace's birthday was in 1971, so he will be celebrating his 52nd birthday.
Two years younger than me?
Yep.
So three years younger than me.
So three or four.
I don't know.
Anyhow.
The last time McDonald's hyped its former mascots this much was last fall when Hamburglar,
Grimace and Bertie became the inspiration for a brand new toy called the Cactus Plant
Flea Market Box, aka the Adult Happy Meal.
So anyhow, congratulations.
Grimace, you made it.
52 years.
Good job, sir.
So now something completely different than this.
No more rides to hell in Poland.
Really?
Yeah.
So you can't go to hell in Poland.
Warsaw, Poland.
This is Associated Press.
There will be no more.
And you cannot go to hell.
You cannot go to hell on bus 666 in Poland.
The bus to the town of hell on Poland's Baltic coast has long been popular with tourists,
but some criticism conservatives have protested the number signifying the devil, you know,
signifying the devil, which is 666, of course, mentioned in the Bible, on a bus loading to
a place that sounds like the word hell in English.
And it's spelled H-E-L. And of course, pronounced, it's pronounced hell over there.
It could be whatever, whatever hell means.
The local bus operator announced this week that bus 666 will no longer run to hell.
It said that it had flipped the last number and would now run under the number 6-6-9 starting
June 24th.
Local media said the bus company acted under the pressure of Christian groups who pushed
for the change and reportedly now they're thinking about going back to 666, but they
haven't officially announced it because people are giving them shit about caving to a special
interest group.
To me it's all good fun, but I could understand certain religious people maybe having a problem
with it, but me I don't necessarily.
Yeah, especially nowadays I understand that.
The line has operated under the number 666 since 2006.
It was first as a joke, but then it did so well to where they had to consider doing it
regularly and anyhow, that's what's going on.
So if you want to go to hell, you better do it before June 24th before it flips to 6-6-9
and goes somewhere nice.
I'd rather go somewhere nice.
Yeah, I mean if there is any place nice in Poland in fact.
Good point.
Yes.
So on something completely different for real, banks are starting to sell loans on commercial
properties at a loss, which is not good news.
PacWest Bank course has already begun selling off big chunks of its construction loan portfolio
at a loss.
Whenever 2025 comes to a close, more than $1.5 trillion in commercial real estate will
have to be renegotiated.
You know all those properties that are going to go into foreclosure and sell for a lot
cheaper and everything.
This is not good at all.
A huge jump in the number of people working from home and ditching the office is the heart
of the problem.
The Fed's interest rate hikes and the ensuing shift towards more expensive capital could
rock unprepared and inexperienced investors.
This report with this new one are raising some eyebrows though.
The golden age of remote works, this all goes hand in hand, that's why I'm bringing both
of these up at the same time.
There were two articles next to each other.
So working from outside the office simply isn't nearly as productive as once thought.
Numerous complaints of dogs barking, bad reception, kids being loud and many other issues are
now clouding up the new golden child that was birthed from the pandemic.
That was quite frankly everybody working from home and everybody just was in love with the
idea.
What's the new normal?
Well, maybe at first it was working because people weren't going anywhere during the pandemic,
so they were at home.
So now it sounds to me like besides all the other stuff going on, dogs barking, bad reception,
or just people not being where they're supposed to be at the time of getting a call or doing
whatever it is they're supposed to be doing on the computer or whatever remotely, they're
just not doing it.
So anyhow, it sounds to me like that in tandem with all these commercial properties getting
ready to sell for pennies on a dollar are going to indicate to me that companies are
going to go back to having structures where people go into where they're more productive.
And it'll probably help the economy out too.
I know people don't like to drive.
I know people don't like to go anywhere.
They don't like to pay all the costs associated with childcare.
I think it's going to come up where it's going to be a necessity in this country to have
it like it was before.
So anyhow, I know that's kind of a serious article, but I thought it deserved mention
when I read it.
It kind of stood out to me and I'm like, you know, this is something I'd really like to
report on.
I'm going to do two things, come it up to keep an eye on and see what exactly happens.
So when these things start going into foreclosure or selling pennies on the dollar, think of
what that's going to do your retirement.
We have to work another 20 years.
I don't want to retire.
I don't have much of one, brother.
Okay.
It won't bother you that much then, right?
Yeah.
You know the saying, I'm going to work up to lunchtime the day I die.
That's what you're going to do, huh?
No, I'm going to last break.
Oh shit.
Okay.
I'm getting that extra two hours.
Forget everything I said then.
No, no, you're good.
You're good.
I got something pretty interesting here.
We'll go on to something a little less serious, but kind of funny, but kind of not.
Alligator attacks drone during Sheriff's Office training exercise.
You sure?
Yeah.
June 12th, the Florida Sheriff's Office shared video of the moment an underwater drone was
attacked by an alligator during a training exercise.
Lee County's Sheriff's Office said on a Facebook post that its Marine unit was using the camera
drone for a training exercise in Fort Myers when the drone caught the attention of a nearby
alligator.
The video shows the gator swimming up to the drone before biting it and thrashing it around
in the water.
But the drone was not injured.
They got the drone back and it's okay, but it was, I guess you could see the stuff on
YouTube and it's pretty funny because they got the drone a little close and the alligator
took and looked over and he's like, hey, what the fuck is this?
And went after the drone, which I think is kind of funny.
So I think it's funny too because I like watching swamp people.
Oh yeah.
I just want to see an alligator attract to attack a drone.
Yeah, that would be great.
That would be great.
See what the alligator thinks when it gets a mouthful of metal.
No, he probably ain't going to take none.
He's going to chomp right through it.
Yeah.
So if there's any damage to the drone, I think they might've been able to drive out of there
quickly before he did too much damage because anyhow, yeah.
Not too long ago, Topher did a story on a hippo that caught the attention of a speed
boat that went by and hippos are very territorial and they will kill you.
They
I listened to that one.
Yeah.
Well, alligators are kind of the same thing too.
So yeah.
Anyhow.
Yeah, you catch their attention.
You're in trouble.
Yep.
Well, I know this are very creepy looking because this resort we stayed at on Sanibel
Island or a Captiva, well, it's part of the Sanibel Island, it's Captiva Island.
This resort we stayed at several years ago.
It said beware of alligators.
And I remembered when I went down to the bayou and went to look into alligators, they have
these in Mediterranean, they have swamp tours where they show you alligators, right?
Well, number one, they throw marshmallows out there and the alligators think they're
eggs and they go to eat the eggs that you threw out there, but they're actually marshmallows
and they'll surface.
The other thing I remember him telling me was this, or all of us, he said that the way
you can tell if there's an alligator out there at night is they have red eyes.
And so there's a swamp there on Captiva Island that said, caution, gators in this pool, don't
get in the swamp, don't jump in.
So we didn't jump in.
I wasn't good anyhow.
It looked like a mess in there, not when there's a beautiful ocean just right over, you know.
So I'm out there at night and I look over and what do I see?
Two red eyes glaring at me.
I'm like, oh shit.
So anyhow, I didn't do anything funny.
I didn't try to throw anything at her or nothing.
I just got the fuck out of there and that was it.
Because I have no idea how fast they are and how aggressive they are and I didn't want
to find out the hard way.
The room was too far away and I was barefooted.
So it's like fate told me not to tempt this one.
So anyhow, New Zealand.
New Zealand seizes record amount of meth and maple syrup drugs from Canada.
When New Zealand police cracked open plastic jugs of maple syrup that had arrived from
Canada, they found something less than sweet inside.
Instead of delicious maple syrup inside, the jugs that they were loaded were 150 million
worth of meth.
Oh man, hey you got a dog freaking out there?
Oh yeah, hey home.
Okay.
Okay, I'm going to keep everybody busy while Rob Brad's tending to his animal.
Two plus two equals four.
Four plus four equals eight.
Eight plus eight equals sixteen.
Sixteen and plus, oh shit, I ran out of fingers.
You're good.
Okay, alright.
Hey, how's this shit?
Sorry about that.
Oh that's alright, that's cool.
The shipment was intercepted in January after authorities in New Zealand, Australia and
Canada uncovered the elaborate scheme.
713 kilos of meth were bound for Australia, New Zealand and surrounding areas.
The six men involved are due in court but did not specify when they were going to court.
But that's quite a bit of meth to be caught with and to distribute.
Yes it is.
They are probably going to get more than a little slap on the ass.
Oh I bet.
I would hope at least.
So anyhow, have you ever wondered why Van Halen has not done a tribute concert for Eddie
Van Halen since his passing?
A little bit over a year.
Actually I have been more than that.
A lot of people have.
Wolfgang Van Halen says drama in the Van Halen camp has pretty much nixed the tribute concert.
For now at least.
Van Halen, anyhow, Wolfgang has weighed in on the status of the proposed Eddie Van Halen
tribute concert.
Wolfie says the drama in the actual Van Halen camp is the reason the concert is never materialized.
Wolf said unfortunately there are as many pieces that don't operate as they should in
the Van Halen camp.
He went on to say that absolutely no progress has been made to attempt to even schedule
the Eddie Van Halen tribute concert and that's so unfortunate.
Alex Van Halen, go ahead what?
No, no go ahead.
As of right now it's a no but I'm going to go into some other stuff.
What I was going to say is that's kind of surprising to me.
Sammy and Michael Hampton who has played with Sammy for years after Van Halen.
Well those two are getting along.
I think it's Alex Van Halen.
But I mean they should get together for the old band.
Well I'm not sure.
Even though I did not like Van Hagar at the moment.
I was not a Van Hagar fan too much either.
I did like some of their stuff but I was a David Lee Roth fan.
When they came out.
I think they were much better with David Lee Roth.
They were heavier, they were hungrier, all that.
They were, they were but then you watched David Lee Roth when he went solo.
Yeah then his stuff wasn't good.
That was like weird how he incubated.
Seriously.
No I know.
I know he tried to go into like an entertainment platform.
Oh my god.
When people were waiting for the original Van Halen stuff.
He went and he got Steve Vai and Billy Sheehan.
So anyhow.
Alex Van Halen revealed that about six months ago Jason Neustead, the ex Metallica bassist
had agreed to him to be a part of the project.
Then guitarist Joe Satriani was on board as well being a big Eddie Van Halen fan.
Later Wolfgang told Rolling Stone that the whole project was nixed due to personality
clashes in the band.
Reports of Michael Anthony Van Halen's original bassist that he spoke with drummer Alex Van
Halen about being a part of the tribute.
Keep in mind David Lee Roth has retired.
His voice probably wouldn't even hinder him from a full show anyhow.
So it must be Sammy Hagar.
Maybe not one.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
So they would need Hagar or Gary Sharone for the lead vocals of maybe both.
So anyway I guess we'll have to wait and see because Gary Sharone was on Van Halen 3.
The notoriously out.
Yeah the notorious album that flopped.
Which I thought was very good.
I thought it was a pretty good album but I think the fact that they'd been through two
high profile lead singers doomed them at that point.
I don't think people were ready or wanted another singer.
They wanted either David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar and Gary Sharone is still a fantastic
singer.
He's excellent in extreme.
He's very close man.
Yes he is.
He would be excellent with Van Halen as we knew it.
But the thing is people weren't ready to do that.
They're like now you know what we already seen two high profile guys come in now this
band and I think it was pretty much doomed when they said they're going to get another
singer.
So anyhow.
So actually you brought him up in another conversation we had here more back on a totally
different subject.
Oh.
Yeah you did.
I remember that.
Oh okay.
Well all right.
But I am a big Gary Sharone fan and I have been and I love his voice.
I love his charisma.
He does very well on stage and he's the type of guy that could go in and kind of combat
at the time Eddie Van Halen for stage time I guess.
Yeah.
Anyhow it's unfortunate that that's not going to materialize at least not now.
Hopefully in the future in the near future we will see something like that because I
think that someone like Eddie Van Halen deserves a tribute concert for everybody to see witness
enjoy and ascend off saying hey thank you Eddie you gave us a lot of pleasure in our
life and we agree and you know.
And we thank you.
He's had it coming.
Yeah.
He's had it coming.
If Eddie had ever had it coming in this century he would deserve it.
So anyhow you know our alternative insult section right.
Oh I love it.
Yep.
When we when we come back we are going to go into some alternative insults men and women's
edition.
How do you like that.
Huh.
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Hey where did everybody go.
Where are the douchebags.
Oh my god someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.
Two-Douchebags and microphone dot know net is up and running.
Hey where did everybody go.
Where are the douchebags.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.
Hey where are the douchebags.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.