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Peace, and welcome to the Taylor Healing Collective Podcast.

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This is a space where we discuss everything sacred medicine, motherhood, healing practices

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across the globe, and transformation above all.

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It is my hope you take each story shared here and find empowerment in your own life, for

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it is here that we educate the mind to liberate the soul.

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I'm your host Taylor.

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Welcome to another episode of the Taylor Healing Collective Podcast.

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This time of year seems to be some sort of initiation for myself and people around me.

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I gave birth around this time over the past two years with a gap year in between, and

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during that time some really hard decisions came up.

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But I believe very deeply in the power of the universe, my power as a woman and as a

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black woman.

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When I created Taylor Healing Collective last year, I don't even know what was stirring

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inside of me, but a lot of the collective experiences that I was having at the time

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seemed to meld into one big thing.

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So my whole reasoning for creating this space even five years ago when I was still just

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imagining it was because I did not see women who looked like me reflected within sacred

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medicine spaces like cannabis or even psychedelics.

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I saw a few here and there, some were celebrities and some were working very closely with the

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medicine, but they would be the pioneers and the leaders.

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I wouldn't really see too many women besides them.

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One of them I'd like to shout out.

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I've actually asked her to be on the show Fingers crossed.

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I'll get her on here.

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One day her name is Wanda James and I believe she created the first dispensary and plant

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medicine shop within Colorado.

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So shout out to her.

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This episode comes at a time that is extremely challenging for me, but my challenges are

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initiations into the next part of my journey and the more that I resist them and fight

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them, the more it becomes apparent within my mind that it's time to step up.

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Even my throat has gotten a little scratchy right now overnight because things kind of

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transpired yesterday that were agitating me and my voice is my superpower.

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It is something that I hid away for a very long time that I used for the wrong reasons

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when I was younger because I didn't feel comfortable speaking my truth or sharing my voice.

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And when I created this space, I wanted to do it for black women because we have this

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uncanny but really intense power about us that can be very intimidating to other people.

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And when we speak out, it scares people.

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We're looked at as aggressive or angry or just violent in some way and that's absolutely

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not the truth.

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I grew up in my household with my stepfather showing me trailblazers of black women who

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change the face of media, television, politics, science, math, so many different things and

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I look at myself this morning and I think why not me?

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Now there are a lot of women who are working on this psychedelic front space right now

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but one thing that I've noticed is that most of us tend to stay in our own communities

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because that is where we feel safe and protected.

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We have had so much stolen from us since the beginning of time that we can be very weary

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to give out our energy in places where we know it won't be received well.

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And discernment is another superpower that I believe that I have because it allows me

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to see situations for what they are and not what I wish they would be.

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But in order to create change, in order to dismantle walls, you cannot step in spaces

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quietly.

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You have to take them by storm.

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And though you hear my voice which sounds pretty quiet right now, this podcast, this

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platform is me taking this world, this particular space for women by storm.

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You see I wear this Venus and Willendorf.

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I learned about her in a lecture I listened to last year and they were talking about the

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beginning of civilization and women and how this was the first religion, the matriarchy,

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because it was creation.

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And I look at her body, I look at her figure, I look at who she is and I look at my own

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and realize it's the same thing.

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The thing that I've been trying to hide for years to meld and shape into somebody else's

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version of what beauty is was the mother of civilization.

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And so because we know melanated women were the first ones here in the earth on this planet,

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debate it with your mom, I'm not going to debate it with you here, I already know the

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truth.

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It is not only my duty but my responsibility to love everyone as they are but to also inform

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people of the truth.

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I'm also a manifest here which is very rare in human design and there's only about 8%

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of the world that does this and the way that we live our truth is not only to not conform

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but to inform.

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So this episode today is going to be me informing of the truth.

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I'm going to be speaking about some things that if people do listen it may make them

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uncomfortable but I'm not here to make people comfortable.

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I've lived my entire life and generations of women before me have been people pleasers.

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We have tried to conform and make ourselves more palatable for other people out of fear

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of what they'll think of us because history and time has shown that when we do speak out

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we suffer the consequences.

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Well this episode is for me to say no more.

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I'm not afraid of consequence.

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Not anymore.

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I'm not afraid to speak my truth or share my voice because that is how I get my power

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back.

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The power that was stripped from my bloodline for centuries and decades and all of time.

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This is how I step back into that.

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So when I created this space again it was because I realized that there were not many

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women who looked like me speaking out about this medicine and this special relationship.

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I know that within our own communities we probably discussed it but outside of it it's

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looked at as taboo.

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Luckily when I started recording I just started researching heavily different women who were

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doing work within this space and if you look at my first season of the show a lot of the

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women that I interviewed were black women or women of color who were speaking about

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their experiences.

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I will say most of them were in California which is as we know like historically a black

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woman state so that was really great but my mission is to get more women everywhere speaking

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out about this.

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As I started to build up the platform I was always looking around to see like I'm an observer

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so I look around to see you know where is this being talked about and very often even

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on like social media platforms I see black women complaining and when I say complaining

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they have every right to do that and don't get me wrong but they're not receiving the

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same visibility as white women and their white counterparts as males when it comes to any

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industry at all.

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But one thing that I wanted to tell them in observation without seeming like I was just

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trying to put my two cents in was that we're asking for people to see us that will not see

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us even if we want them to it is genetically imprinted within their own DNA to not see

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our experiences the same way and so we could keep chasing and wanting what they have or

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we can create our own and this is what this space is.

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Now I am open to criticism and know that there have been some guests on this show who do

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not look like us but the special thing about black women is that because we are the mother

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of creation we love everyone we love everyone even the people who don't deserve our love

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even the people who would just as quickly sell us down the river we still have love

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for them.

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So it feels weird standing alone in certain things it feels weird speaking out about things

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that you know people will most likely remain silent about out of fear and if you listen

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to my first episode of the podcast just to recall one of the reasons I put out that episode

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was because I had an encounter with my midwife at the time who was a black woman and I decided

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to utilize psilocybin at the time during my pregnancy I felt a spiritual call to use it

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and so I did nothing bad happened at all as I knew it wouldn't but there was no way to

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explain that to her because she was in a fear state which many of us are in and that wasn't

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her fault so I do hope that even a year later she still does not see that as the blame game

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because that's not how I feel but I felt that it was a duty of mine to awaken other black

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women to show this is not bad they made you think it was bad they made you think it was

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evil they made you think it was going to kill and hurt your baby and that's absolutely not

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the truth my daughter's living proof of that my son is living proof of that and that experience

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said well let me go out into the world and inform people that this is not bad look at

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me I am a poised intelligent and educated black woman who can tell you that from experience

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this medicine that comes from the earth does not harm now you need to be careful how you're

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using it you need to be intentional about why you're using it but it's not here to harm

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you and anything that they told you about that is most likely a lie so moving forward

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a year later my message kind of tends to get wonky sometimes and I think that's because

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I'm human and I still crave someone to see me that's my honesty I crave someone to give

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me the validation that I didn't receive as a child and that's something I'm still working

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through even to this day and because of that I was kind of using my platform as a way to

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be seen but this work and what I've realized overnight after a lot of tossing and turning

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is that this work is not about me it's not about me it's about other people and I'm

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at my best and speak my clearest when I inform people and tell them that this work is about

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the world it's about changing minds it's about changing the world and I remember there was

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an episode that I did with the Arter Project and I was criticizing openly Michael Pollins

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how to change your mind because as we all know when a white man comes up with something

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and says it's gold like chef's kiss like it's genius knowing damn well where he got it from

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indigenous wisdom and even though that was a great series great cinematography great

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storytelling there was only a smidge mentioning the people that this medicine is original

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to and you can't just skip that over you can't skip over that like it's not important and

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I'm almost a little bit upset about something that I've done personally because I agreed

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to film a workshop that will be coming out soon and I did not go as deeply into the history

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of the war on drugs and colonization as I would have liked to because I felt that I had to

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make myself more palatable for the platform and honestly I feel like they might have cut

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it out anyway but that's not for me to say so this is what this episode is because this

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is on my platform and I have the freedom to speak as I wish I've also been asked to be

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an advisor and a community member in another group and this group of women I'm going to

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be very candid does not look like me at all like not even a slight maybe there are some

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members in there that I haven't seen yet but they do not share my cultural identity at

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all and you know because I am a black woman but I do have love for every single person

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on this earth I'm not going to deny healing to another group just because they don't look

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like me but here's the thing that's happened that has caused me to make this episode and

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is like it's been crawling underneath my skin I was speaking with my husband about the situation

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with the group and we were talking about me being the token and automatically like I got

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so angry because I feel like I'm smart enough to know better to not do that but here's the

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thing about being a token it is very awkward to be a black woman in a space where no one

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looks like you it's even more awkward to feel like you have to conform yourself in order

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to meet a group standards this is why when black women tend to sign like brand deals

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and things like that they're only allowed to be a portion of themselves the one that

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is intriguing to people the one that's enticing but when it comes to actually speaking our

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truth we're silenced most of the time that's not going to happen in this space and so I

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don't like speaking like this very often but you know this is also how I take my power

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back I never want to feel entitled as a black woman to anything or everything but that's

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the very scary but true history it's not that I'm entitled when you are powerful when you

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have that power that's not something you have to go validating with everybody that's not

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something you have to get an award in order to prove who you are and so I'm not going

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to say the entire situation because some of this is very private but what I will say is

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I've actually been more or less asked to conform or discuss what I can and cannot speak about

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and that's completely fair when we enter any deal with someone else since the beginning

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of time we are agreeing to conform to their version of the truth and I just cannot do

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that I can't I'm doing an injustice to myself and black women melanated women everywhere

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if I say I'm going to make myself small for someone else and it's hard for me to say this

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because I'm always afraid of being perceived as arrogant but you know there have been

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times where even my husband has called me arrogant and I speak the truth and I say you

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know what it's not that I'm arrogant I'm sure and when you're sure you don't flinch you

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don't stutter you don't hesitate you just know and as I speak with someone about conforming

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or what we need to discuss about my presence in this group that I've been asked to be a

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part of it starts to feel a little bit conforming and I feel myself slowly turning and shaping

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myself to fit some mold to be regular to be palatable I know that I don't say anything

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wrong I don't say anything offensive in fact my mission for Taylor healing collective at

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least over the past few months has been to guiding people to not be reliant on these

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medicines you know learning balance through this I know there's never been anything that

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I say that it to me anyway is offensive or misguided and the crazy part about it is this

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has happened to me before you know it's always about a contract always almost almost always

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and if not about a contract about stipulations about what I can and cannot say and what I

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can and cannot do you know I've worked as a Reiki healer before sound bath practitioner

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and every time I try to enter in partnership or collaboration with someone there's always

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something that makes me walk away and it's usually the take your sign down this happened

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at a situation a couple years ago I was supposed to work as the sound bowl mom at this event

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and I had my sign so that I could draw attention to to my personal platform so that I could

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help it grow and I was told I couldn't have my sign because it was contradicting with

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all it said was my name and it had a QR code it was very presentable like I wish I could

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show you all now I think it's like in the basement somewhere but then there was another

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situation where they wanted me to teach at a hotel and when the time came for me to

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talk about having my sign you know something to help promote myself they told me I couldn't

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have it there either because it was contradicting and again this has happened many times so what

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does this teach me this says that if you want yourself out there if you want to promote you

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have to do it yourself and black women we're amazing at that let me do it myself because

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no one can do it like I can and that's how I feel about all of this you know I'm scrolling

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through this particular website that has asked for me to work as an advisor on and this is

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something I should have done prior to but the excitement of somebody wanting me you

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know validating me made me like completely blow past this so I go on the website and

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I've been asked to take a particular course in order to validate my experience and make

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people feel comfortable because of liability I'm going to keep doing the dumb air quotes

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because this the shit makes no sense and I'm sorry for cursing but like I'm going to be

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candid and real here too I'm not going to say oh I'm just perfectly poised no my name

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is Taylor Valera and I'm going to speak the real last truth so I'm scrolling through

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this course that I've been asked to take because every other facilitator within the group has

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been asked to take it and the person I'm talking to goes on to name everyone in the group that's

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taken it in their experience they say well everyone has taken this course you know I'm

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not asking you to do anything that no one else is doing but you are and what I mean

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by this let me elaborate is that I've been asked in order to continue to facilitate in

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this group and offer my services inside of said group I'm asked to take a course that

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teaches me let's look at my skin you see that I come from indigenous bloodline I come from

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black bloodline and I've been asked to take a course to validate myself as an instructor

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that's going to teach me this course is also going to teach me about colonization and from

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elders like and I'm just like I'm reading this I'm like uh-huh okay and don't get me

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wrong I am big on education I'm very big and my whole tagline is education to liberation

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but we know the whitewashing and colonization that has happened in the west since the beginning

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of time especially when it comes to education and if I'm using my common sense and logic

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there is nothing that I will be able to learn in that course that does not already run within

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my blood and my intuition and that's the most powerful thing that you have and as I continue

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to scroll through the site I see the diversity picture the coveted diversity picture the

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one where they include like one black hand or you know one brown lady in the back to

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make it look like we are the world no and when my husband said you know you're you're

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the token that was my aha moment like come on girl wake up wake up now I want to continue

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to help now also when I when I tend to use my voice it shakes rooms it scares people

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it offends people at times because they don't know how to receive this information they don't

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know how to say it's not that she's offended yes we could have had a private conversation

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about this but this is the whole point of my show so if I don't speak publicly about

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this if I wait for somebody else to give their approval on what I have to say I'm not living

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my truth and living my truth is a part of my karma and my mission so you know if this

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does somehow trickle down the line and somebody gets offended which they usually do by what

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I say and it's not an easy path I walk alone most of the time but not because I want to

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it's because being a leader being someone who is strong and how they feel and what their

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truth it requires you to not give a fuck that's as simple as I can put it requires you to

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not think hard about what everybody else thinks about you how you feel who you should be and

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I am never going to hide I love everything I'm wearing a I'm a black woman wearing a

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sublime shirt clearly you see that my interests are not limited because everything originated

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with me and with my bloodline so I don't have to like fake the funk so you know in seeing

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that that picture the diversity picture it became clear to me what was going on and I'm

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going to have obviously have to have a conversation about this and it may not work out moving

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forward but one thing that I've always admired about black women is that we know how to get

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shit done even when nobody's helping even when no one's around I've experienced this

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as a mother I've experienced this as a worker as a consumer we know what we know how to

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do anything it's to create and one hardship that I was having over the past year with

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tailored healing collective was I would see other women get on major platforms to talk

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about the things I'd already talked about and I was kind of like well where's my clout

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where's my cookie girl it's about more than that I even went so far as to let myself get

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offended because other women were getting mentioned in like major black publications

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and I felt like ignored and passed over but that's not my job my job is to initiate it's

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to spark ideas and people's minds so that they can wake up to their own nature and so

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you know this space will grow over time this space will take the world by storm but for

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me right now it has to be about more than impressing someone or getting the validation

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and that's another thing so you know I'm sometimes very competitive I don't see it that way

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but I am and I wouldn't understand why what I've been talking about publicly for a year

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and I say publicly because there just really are not you think before I created that podcast

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I didn't look high and low for black women led podcast talking about psychedelics and

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cannabis now granted there are people out there like for example the cannabis cutie

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blunt blowing mama Tyler therapy for talking celebrities Khalees Rihanna Maya you know there's

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tons of black women John I you know the Rostov art there's so many I can't even name all

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of them right now but what I will say is just a few aren't enough we have to gather in numbers

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we have to show ourselves not other people but show ourselves just how powerful we can

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be because it is through that we open doors for others so you know I realized I had to

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join these women who are standing in their own platforms informing and sharing and creating

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space because it is through that that we empower the people around us I will never conform

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myself in order to fit someone else's standards and that's very painful for me that is extremely

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painful because it feels lonely to speak your truth and not meld it into someone else's

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version to be nicer to be quieter to be less aggressive less passionate that's that's not

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me at all it never has been in the older I get in the wiser I get the more that I see

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that that's not a life worth living you know I have two young children and every step that

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I take even though my life is my life in their life is their life every step that I take

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reads a path for them and I come from a long line of very powerful women they gather in

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numbers you know I have a very big family on my mother's side however they've also suffered

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quite a bit because they conformed and were people pleasers and that's not their fault

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that's what the world did to them but through this show through using my voice I tend to

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turn that narrative around I'm taking what's mine back and not because it solely belongs

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to me but because I believe that I come from that line that is the source of creation and

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to most people if you don't know history that will sound delusional to you but I've done

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enough research heard enough lectures to really understand what's going on here everything

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originated with the black woman like I said argue with your mom if you don't believe it

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look at history look at facts it's not something that I just dreamed up in my head it's what

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I see reflected I know who I am I know exactly who I am and I will not change for anyone

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in fact other people are going to bend to what I do and what the women around me do because

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we create the baseline for what this world is right now music food nurture and care

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science met all of it all of it comes from the beginning of matriarchal civilizations

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by melanated women we're not going to do that all lives matter stuff here because they do

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but that's not what we're talking about this is what we're focusing on right now I want

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to do a better job this season about bringing more black women who feel comfortable sharing

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their truth on this show because years from now down the line when my kids are teenagers

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and adults I wanted to be so normal that you don't see the black a black woman on like

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every major channel that we run you know or you know any kind of packaging or any kind

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of powerful stance because it is our time we spent years I mean I'll stop saying years

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we've spent the entire life cycle of women being oppressed but this isn't about oppression

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this is about standing and strength and power and knowing exactly who we are we don't have

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to explain that to anyone we just create we just make so you know when I see things like

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for the beauty industry for example like you know black women getting angry because you

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know something like a white woman will put on some braids or some logs and you know culturally

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appropriate and say that there's nothing wrong with that I'm not going to get too invested

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in that because I know who I am you can't mimic the real thing you can't copy it what

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my hair does naturally you could fake it if you want to but that's not me and we cannot

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create a more loving world a more peaceful world until we have a true understanding of

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this history until we are honest about the things that we do subconsciously and consciously

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in the way that we treat black people melanated people I don't mean just black Americans I

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mean everyone with a brown black skin tone in the United States and outside of the United

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States and around the world because we live in a society where we care very much about

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our representation in the media you know in other countries I don't believe it's the same

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because we're a very like media driven you know place where most of our information that

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we get is through here through a screen in other countries they don't necessarily experience

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the same thing you don't have to tell them who they are like why do they need to see

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themselves reflected in a movie when they already live around everybody who looks like

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them but it is my mission I guess in this particular time to reshape the views where

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I live and where I am and hopefully eventually around the world one day for people who do

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use media as a form of expression you know I've studied very deeply into occult knowledge

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and the only thing that I learned is that this world is it operates in balance and

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while we would love to live in a perfect world with sunshine and rainbows there would be

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no balance if there wasn't darkness and a lot of the darkness comes from the evil that

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happens here and I don't think people all people are evil by nature for example the

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whole situation I was just telling you all about I think that they're just a byproduct

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of a certain kind of thinking that doesn't make it right though that means it needs to

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be corrected at some point but there will still always be people who think like that

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out there and I'm not here to change them I'm just here to change the world this has

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not been easy to film like it might seem easy because my words just naturally flow off my

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tongue but one thing I was saying last night to my husband was I'm tired of losing friends

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when I created that episode originally the first episode well not the first episode I

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think it was the third episode talking about my birth experience and my experience with

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my midwife never talked to her again after that she was very offended by the episode

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other situations I've been in you know where I spoke truth no one talked to me again because

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it's uncomfortable for people they don't know how to handle it they're so caught up in

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heavy emotions that they can't step outside of themselves and so putting out this episode

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may very well lead to me losing deals or partnerships in the future because my truth is uncomfortable

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for people but when I divert from that and I don't speak that you know with with justice

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with with strength I'm doing a disservice to myself and to the women around me I don't

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change the world I get too scared I'm like I'm just gonna shake things up a little here

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no I'm a volcano that means when I erupt the hot lava is gonna go everywhere and if you're

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smart you'll honor that lava and you'll see at some point things have to erupt in order

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for you to see the beauty in them and volcanoes are absolutely beautiful they are a man made

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or not a man made they are a spirit made creation that in all its power and its beauty people

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come around the world just to marvel at but is also depicted as something very dangerous

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when you see like movies when people like falling into the hot lava like no it can be

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very dangerous to speak your truth because it is intimidating and people thrive off of

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power they thrive off of control and when you no longer have that when someone sees

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that they cannot be controlled anymore that you know you can't make them have a certain

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message that's scary because it's like if I can't control you what are you gonna do

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next I'm gonna continue standing up for black women for melanated women for the people who

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this medicine was original to so moving forward through tailored healing collective you know

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yes I had a craving to be on certain giant platforms and spaces because I thought the

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bigger the audience the more money no it's not about that because I've always been blessed

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some way abundantly I haven't had a perfect life I've had scares I've had bills I've had

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very normal human things but I'm always taken care of at the end of the day and the more

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that I honor my truth the better things get and so I encourage anyone listening to the

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show today to honor your truth whatever that may be never make yourself feel like you have

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to conform create your own stop looking for other people to give you everything all the

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time now there are things that I myself are even comfortable with you know I don't necessarily

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enjoy growing my own food all the time I like benefits of you know internet and getting

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to have certain luxuries in life I'm not gonna lie about that or deny that at all you know

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I benefit from being a citizen in the United States but I've also been educated that there

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are other options for me out there but when I say create your own I mean if you are looking

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to seek some sort of freedom where you cannot be controlled or told that your voice is too

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loud or that you're too passionate about things and you look angry or you come off a certain

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way don't listen to those people they don't know what the hell they're talking about they're

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trying to make you small you are not small you are powerful no matter who you are and

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that goes for black white Asia it doesn't matter you are a powerful human being never conform

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yourself to fit somebody else's standards because your spirit will suffer at the end

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of the day from it you will wake up at night sometimes knowing that you didn't live out

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your full potential because you were afraid of what somebody else would think of you and

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you're gonna hurt some feelings I've had to learn that the hard way you're gonna hurt

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some feelings you're going to scare some people you're gonna turn some people off with your

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message but that doesn't matter you matter what you do for future generations matters

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what you do for your children your brother your sister your mother all those people who

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did not have the courage to stand up and out one day even if they don't thank you they

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will see you but that's not important either what's important is that you see you if your

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mission is to create change then create change and that's what I'm here to do there's no

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soft way to put that there's no way for me to you know make myself small my hope is that

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this episode today whoever it's heard by is received with love and with understanding

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and that they too can help be part of this change that tailored healing collective is

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going to make for people and that you know so many other podcasts and shows and businesses

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are making they're helping us step into sovereignty to take things back and do good with them

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and this is not to say that other people who have you know spaces that they talk about

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psychedelics and medicine and they don't have good intentions but good intentions are good

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intentions for everyone not just particular people and you'll hear me talk about that

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in my first season this medicine was not meant for just one kind of person but when it was

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perverted and taken away from these communities demonized it was only fed back out to certain

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masses in certain groups you know I want black and brown people to have access to the scientific

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part of this so that they can understand not just on a spiritual level but on a scientific

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and logical level their own brain pattern so they can see how this medicine can help

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and hurt and how to practice it effectively because I just don't believe right now there

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are enough practicing spiritual workers who have the energy to alone carry doing this

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work by themselves I think that it needs to happen in tandem but in order to do that the

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narrative has to change right here first and how do you get to people the media so I don't

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know that I have too much more to say today I'm actually coming up on actually an Olympic

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a week and a half on the one year anniversary of the show and I only intend for to grow

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from here I have to remind myself constantly this is not about media attention or frenzy

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because if I had to be honest with myself right now raising two small children I don't

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need all that attention right now what I do need to do is still continue this movement

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and wherever it grows that's where it grows but yeah this is truth this is me this is

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us we're going to change the way the world looks years from now decades from now just

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by the power of using our voices now so I hope that again this is received with love

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this is not an angry woman podcast this is a real truth spit it out honesty show and

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if it's for you it's for you if it's not it's not but I will not hide myself for anyone

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I will not hide the history of my people I will not hide that I am a black woman and

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change my message to fit someone else's bill I will be me so this has been the Taylor Healing

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Collective podcast and until next time let love lead the way peace.

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I detach from the old I have a crown of success I am sure of what is coming and let the universe

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do the rest I don't know how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and

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again I don't know how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and again I don't

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know how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and again time is a dimension

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that we enter choose to align with self that's divine it first exists inside of our minds

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I don't know how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and again I visualize my

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desires I create with intention a new dimension where reality is in my hands I don't know

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how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and again