Peace, and welcome to the Taylor Healing Collective Podcast.
This is a space where we discuss everything sacred medicine, motherhood, healing practices
across the globe, and transformation above all.
It is my hope you take each story shared here and find empowerment in your own life, for
it is here that we educate the mind to liberate the soul.
I'm your host Taylor.
Welcome to another episode of the Taylor Healing Collective Podcast.
This time of year seems to be some sort of initiation for myself and people around me.
I gave birth around this time over the past two years with a gap year in between, and
during that time some really hard decisions came up.
But I believe very deeply in the power of the universe, my power as a woman and as a
black woman.
When I created Taylor Healing Collective last year, I don't even know what was stirring
inside of me, but a lot of the collective experiences that I was having at the time
seemed to meld into one big thing.
So my whole reasoning for creating this space even five years ago when I was still just
imagining it was because I did not see women who looked like me reflected within sacred
medicine spaces like cannabis or even psychedelics.
I saw a few here and there, some were celebrities and some were working very closely with the
medicine, but they would be the pioneers and the leaders.
I wouldn't really see too many women besides them.
One of them I'd like to shout out.
I've actually asked her to be on the show Fingers crossed.
I'll get her on here.
One day her name is Wanda James and I believe she created the first dispensary and plant
medicine shop within Colorado.
So shout out to her.
This episode comes at a time that is extremely challenging for me, but my challenges are
initiations into the next part of my journey and the more that I resist them and fight
them, the more it becomes apparent within my mind that it's time to step up.
Even my throat has gotten a little scratchy right now overnight because things kind of
transpired yesterday that were agitating me and my voice is my superpower.
It is something that I hid away for a very long time that I used for the wrong reasons
when I was younger because I didn't feel comfortable speaking my truth or sharing my voice.
And when I created this space, I wanted to do it for black women because we have this
uncanny but really intense power about us that can be very intimidating to other people.
And when we speak out, it scares people.
We're looked at as aggressive or angry or just violent in some way and that's absolutely
not the truth.
I grew up in my household with my stepfather showing me trailblazers of black women who
change the face of media, television, politics, science, math, so many different things and
I look at myself this morning and I think why not me?
Now there are a lot of women who are working on this psychedelic front space right now
but one thing that I've noticed is that most of us tend to stay in our own communities
because that is where we feel safe and protected.
We have had so much stolen from us since the beginning of time that we can be very weary
to give out our energy in places where we know it won't be received well.
And discernment is another superpower that I believe that I have because it allows me
to see situations for what they are and not what I wish they would be.
But in order to create change, in order to dismantle walls, you cannot step in spaces
quietly.
You have to take them by storm.
And though you hear my voice which sounds pretty quiet right now, this podcast, this
platform is me taking this world, this particular space for women by storm.
You see I wear this Venus and Willendorf.
I learned about her in a lecture I listened to last year and they were talking about the
beginning of civilization and women and how this was the first religion, the matriarchy,
because it was creation.
And I look at her body, I look at her figure, I look at who she is and I look at my own
and realize it's the same thing.
The thing that I've been trying to hide for years to meld and shape into somebody else's
version of what beauty is was the mother of civilization.
And so because we know melanated women were the first ones here in the earth on this planet,
debate it with your mom, I'm not going to debate it with you here, I already know the
truth.
It is not only my duty but my responsibility to love everyone as they are but to also inform
people of the truth.
I'm also a manifest here which is very rare in human design and there's only about 8%
of the world that does this and the way that we live our truth is not only to not conform
but to inform.
So this episode today is going to be me informing of the truth.
I'm going to be speaking about some things that if people do listen it may make them
uncomfortable but I'm not here to make people comfortable.
I've lived my entire life and generations of women before me have been people pleasers.
We have tried to conform and make ourselves more palatable for other people out of fear
of what they'll think of us because history and time has shown that when we do speak out
we suffer the consequences.
Well this episode is for me to say no more.
I'm not afraid of consequence.
Not anymore.
I'm not afraid to speak my truth or share my voice because that is how I get my power
back.
The power that was stripped from my bloodline for centuries and decades and all of time.
This is how I step back into that.
So when I created this space again it was because I realized that there were not many
women who looked like me speaking out about this medicine and this special relationship.
I know that within our own communities we probably discussed it but outside of it it's
looked at as taboo.
Luckily when I started recording I just started researching heavily different women who were
doing work within this space and if you look at my first season of the show a lot of the
women that I interviewed were black women or women of color who were speaking about
their experiences.
I will say most of them were in California which is as we know like historically a black
woman state so that was really great but my mission is to get more women everywhere speaking
out about this.
As I started to build up the platform I was always looking around to see like I'm an observer
so I look around to see you know where is this being talked about and very often even
on like social media platforms I see black women complaining and when I say complaining
they have every right to do that and don't get me wrong but they're not receiving the
same visibility as white women and their white counterparts as males when it comes to any
industry at all.
But one thing that I wanted to tell them in observation without seeming like I was just
trying to put my two cents in was that we're asking for people to see us that will not see
us even if we want them to it is genetically imprinted within their own DNA to not see
our experiences the same way and so we could keep chasing and wanting what they have or
we can create our own and this is what this space is.
Now I am open to criticism and know that there have been some guests on this show who do
not look like us but the special thing about black women is that because we are the mother
of creation we love everyone we love everyone even the people who don't deserve our love
even the people who would just as quickly sell us down the river we still have love
for them.
So it feels weird standing alone in certain things it feels weird speaking out about things
that you know people will most likely remain silent about out of fear and if you listen
to my first episode of the podcast just to recall one of the reasons I put out that episode
was because I had an encounter with my midwife at the time who was a black woman and I decided
to utilize psilocybin at the time during my pregnancy I felt a spiritual call to use it
and so I did nothing bad happened at all as I knew it wouldn't but there was no way to
explain that to her because she was in a fear state which many of us are in and that wasn't
her fault so I do hope that even a year later she still does not see that as the blame game
because that's not how I feel but I felt that it was a duty of mine to awaken other black
women to show this is not bad they made you think it was bad they made you think it was
evil they made you think it was going to kill and hurt your baby and that's absolutely not
the truth my daughter's living proof of that my son is living proof of that and that experience
said well let me go out into the world and inform people that this is not bad look at
me I am a poised intelligent and educated black woman who can tell you that from experience
this medicine that comes from the earth does not harm now you need to be careful how you're
using it you need to be intentional about why you're using it but it's not here to harm
you and anything that they told you about that is most likely a lie so moving forward
a year later my message kind of tends to get wonky sometimes and I think that's because
I'm human and I still crave someone to see me that's my honesty I crave someone to give
me the validation that I didn't receive as a child and that's something I'm still working
through even to this day and because of that I was kind of using my platform as a way to
be seen but this work and what I've realized overnight after a lot of tossing and turning
is that this work is not about me it's not about me it's about other people and I'm
at my best and speak my clearest when I inform people and tell them that this work is about
the world it's about changing minds it's about changing the world and I remember there was
an episode that I did with the Arter Project and I was criticizing openly Michael Pollins
how to change your mind because as we all know when a white man comes up with something
and says it's gold like chef's kiss like it's genius knowing damn well where he got it from
indigenous wisdom and even though that was a great series great cinematography great
storytelling there was only a smidge mentioning the people that this medicine is original
to and you can't just skip that over you can't skip over that like it's not important and
I'm almost a little bit upset about something that I've done personally because I agreed
to film a workshop that will be coming out soon and I did not go as deeply into the history
of the war on drugs and colonization as I would have liked to because I felt that I had to
make myself more palatable for the platform and honestly I feel like they might have cut
it out anyway but that's not for me to say so this is what this episode is because this
is on my platform and I have the freedom to speak as I wish I've also been asked to be
an advisor and a community member in another group and this group of women I'm going to
be very candid does not look like me at all like not even a slight maybe there are some
members in there that I haven't seen yet but they do not share my cultural identity at
all and you know because I am a black woman but I do have love for every single person
on this earth I'm not going to deny healing to another group just because they don't look
like me but here's the thing that's happened that has caused me to make this episode and
is like it's been crawling underneath my skin I was speaking with my husband about the situation
with the group and we were talking about me being the token and automatically like I got
so angry because I feel like I'm smart enough to know better to not do that but here's the
thing about being a token it is very awkward to be a black woman in a space where no one
looks like you it's even more awkward to feel like you have to conform yourself in order
to meet a group standards this is why when black women tend to sign like brand deals
and things like that they're only allowed to be a portion of themselves the one that
is intriguing to people the one that's enticing but when it comes to actually speaking our
truth we're silenced most of the time that's not going to happen in this space and so I
don't like speaking like this very often but you know this is also how I take my power
back I never want to feel entitled as a black woman to anything or everything but that's
the very scary but true history it's not that I'm entitled when you are powerful when you
have that power that's not something you have to go validating with everybody that's not
something you have to get an award in order to prove who you are and so I'm not going
to say the entire situation because some of this is very private but what I will say is
I've actually been more or less asked to conform or discuss what I can and cannot speak about
and that's completely fair when we enter any deal with someone else since the beginning
of time we are agreeing to conform to their version of the truth and I just cannot do
that I can't I'm doing an injustice to myself and black women melanated women everywhere
if I say I'm going to make myself small for someone else and it's hard for me to say this
because I'm always afraid of being perceived as arrogant but you know there have been
times where even my husband has called me arrogant and I speak the truth and I say you
know what it's not that I'm arrogant I'm sure and when you're sure you don't flinch you
don't stutter you don't hesitate you just know and as I speak with someone about conforming
or what we need to discuss about my presence in this group that I've been asked to be a
part of it starts to feel a little bit conforming and I feel myself slowly turning and shaping
myself to fit some mold to be regular to be palatable I know that I don't say anything
wrong I don't say anything offensive in fact my mission for Taylor healing collective at
least over the past few months has been to guiding people to not be reliant on these
medicines you know learning balance through this I know there's never been anything that
I say that it to me anyway is offensive or misguided and the crazy part about it is this
has happened to me before you know it's always about a contract always almost almost always
and if not about a contract about stipulations about what I can and cannot say and what I
can and cannot do you know I've worked as a Reiki healer before sound bath practitioner
and every time I try to enter in partnership or collaboration with someone there's always
something that makes me walk away and it's usually the take your sign down this happened
at a situation a couple years ago I was supposed to work as the sound bowl mom at this event
and I had my sign so that I could draw attention to to my personal platform so that I could
help it grow and I was told I couldn't have my sign because it was contradicting with
all it said was my name and it had a QR code it was very presentable like I wish I could
show you all now I think it's like in the basement somewhere but then there was another
situation where they wanted me to teach at a hotel and when the time came for me to
talk about having my sign you know something to help promote myself they told me I couldn't
have it there either because it was contradicting and again this has happened many times so what
does this teach me this says that if you want yourself out there if you want to promote you
have to do it yourself and black women we're amazing at that let me do it myself because
no one can do it like I can and that's how I feel about all of this you know I'm scrolling
through this particular website that has asked for me to work as an advisor on and this is
something I should have done prior to but the excitement of somebody wanting me you
know validating me made me like completely blow past this so I go on the website and
I've been asked to take a particular course in order to validate my experience and make
people feel comfortable because of liability I'm going to keep doing the dumb air quotes
because this the shit makes no sense and I'm sorry for cursing but like I'm going to be
candid and real here too I'm not going to say oh I'm just perfectly poised no my name
is Taylor Valera and I'm going to speak the real last truth so I'm scrolling through
this course that I've been asked to take because every other facilitator within the group has
been asked to take it and the person I'm talking to goes on to name everyone in the group that's
taken it in their experience they say well everyone has taken this course you know I'm
not asking you to do anything that no one else is doing but you are and what I mean
by this let me elaborate is that I've been asked in order to continue to facilitate in
this group and offer my services inside of said group I'm asked to take a course that
teaches me let's look at my skin you see that I come from indigenous bloodline I come from
black bloodline and I've been asked to take a course to validate myself as an instructor
that's going to teach me this course is also going to teach me about colonization and from
elders like and I'm just like I'm reading this I'm like uh-huh okay and don't get me
wrong I am big on education I'm very big and my whole tagline is education to liberation
but we know the whitewashing and colonization that has happened in the west since the beginning
of time especially when it comes to education and if I'm using my common sense and logic
there is nothing that I will be able to learn in that course that does not already run within
my blood and my intuition and that's the most powerful thing that you have and as I continue
to scroll through the site I see the diversity picture the coveted diversity picture the
one where they include like one black hand or you know one brown lady in the back to
make it look like we are the world no and when my husband said you know you're you're
the token that was my aha moment like come on girl wake up wake up now I want to continue
to help now also when I when I tend to use my voice it shakes rooms it scares people
it offends people at times because they don't know how to receive this information they don't
know how to say it's not that she's offended yes we could have had a private conversation
about this but this is the whole point of my show so if I don't speak publicly about
this if I wait for somebody else to give their approval on what I have to say I'm not living
my truth and living my truth is a part of my karma and my mission so you know if this
does somehow trickle down the line and somebody gets offended which they usually do by what
I say and it's not an easy path I walk alone most of the time but not because I want to
it's because being a leader being someone who is strong and how they feel and what their
truth it requires you to not give a fuck that's as simple as I can put it requires you to
not think hard about what everybody else thinks about you how you feel who you should be and
I am never going to hide I love everything I'm wearing a I'm a black woman wearing a
sublime shirt clearly you see that my interests are not limited because everything originated
with me and with my bloodline so I don't have to like fake the funk so you know in seeing
that that picture the diversity picture it became clear to me what was going on and I'm
going to have obviously have to have a conversation about this and it may not work out moving
forward but one thing that I've always admired about black women is that we know how to get
shit done even when nobody's helping even when no one's around I've experienced this
as a mother I've experienced this as a worker as a consumer we know what we know how to
do anything it's to create and one hardship that I was having over the past year with
tailored healing collective was I would see other women get on major platforms to talk
about the things I'd already talked about and I was kind of like well where's my clout
where's my cookie girl it's about more than that I even went so far as to let myself get
offended because other women were getting mentioned in like major black publications
and I felt like ignored and passed over but that's not my job my job is to initiate it's
to spark ideas and people's minds so that they can wake up to their own nature and so
you know this space will grow over time this space will take the world by storm but for
me right now it has to be about more than impressing someone or getting the validation
and that's another thing so you know I'm sometimes very competitive I don't see it that way
but I am and I wouldn't understand why what I've been talking about publicly for a year
and I say publicly because there just really are not you think before I created that podcast
I didn't look high and low for black women led podcast talking about psychedelics and
cannabis now granted there are people out there like for example the cannabis cutie
blunt blowing mama Tyler therapy for talking celebrities Khalees Rihanna Maya you know there's
tons of black women John I you know the Rostov art there's so many I can't even name all
of them right now but what I will say is just a few aren't enough we have to gather in numbers
we have to show ourselves not other people but show ourselves just how powerful we can
be because it is through that we open doors for others so you know I realized I had to
join these women who are standing in their own platforms informing and sharing and creating
space because it is through that that we empower the people around us I will never conform
myself in order to fit someone else's standards and that's very painful for me that is extremely
painful because it feels lonely to speak your truth and not meld it into someone else's
version to be nicer to be quieter to be less aggressive less passionate that's that's not
me at all it never has been in the older I get in the wiser I get the more that I see
that that's not a life worth living you know I have two young children and every step that
I take even though my life is my life in their life is their life every step that I take
reads a path for them and I come from a long line of very powerful women they gather in
numbers you know I have a very big family on my mother's side however they've also suffered
quite a bit because they conformed and were people pleasers and that's not their fault
that's what the world did to them but through this show through using my voice I tend to
turn that narrative around I'm taking what's mine back and not because it solely belongs
to me but because I believe that I come from that line that is the source of creation and
to most people if you don't know history that will sound delusional to you but I've done
enough research heard enough lectures to really understand what's going on here everything
originated with the black woman like I said argue with your mom if you don't believe it
look at history look at facts it's not something that I just dreamed up in my head it's what
I see reflected I know who I am I know exactly who I am and I will not change for anyone
in fact other people are going to bend to what I do and what the women around me do because
we create the baseline for what this world is right now music food nurture and care
science met all of it all of it comes from the beginning of matriarchal civilizations
by melanated women we're not going to do that all lives matter stuff here because they do
but that's not what we're talking about this is what we're focusing on right now I want
to do a better job this season about bringing more black women who feel comfortable sharing
their truth on this show because years from now down the line when my kids are teenagers
and adults I wanted to be so normal that you don't see the black a black woman on like
every major channel that we run you know or you know any kind of packaging or any kind
of powerful stance because it is our time we spent years I mean I'll stop saying years
we've spent the entire life cycle of women being oppressed but this isn't about oppression
this is about standing and strength and power and knowing exactly who we are we don't have
to explain that to anyone we just create we just make so you know when I see things like
for the beauty industry for example like you know black women getting angry because you
know something like a white woman will put on some braids or some logs and you know culturally
appropriate and say that there's nothing wrong with that I'm not going to get too invested
in that because I know who I am you can't mimic the real thing you can't copy it what
my hair does naturally you could fake it if you want to but that's not me and we cannot
create a more loving world a more peaceful world until we have a true understanding of
this history until we are honest about the things that we do subconsciously and consciously
in the way that we treat black people melanated people I don't mean just black Americans I
mean everyone with a brown black skin tone in the United States and outside of the United
States and around the world because we live in a society where we care very much about
our representation in the media you know in other countries I don't believe it's the same
because we're a very like media driven you know place where most of our information that
we get is through here through a screen in other countries they don't necessarily experience
the same thing you don't have to tell them who they are like why do they need to see
themselves reflected in a movie when they already live around everybody who looks like
them but it is my mission I guess in this particular time to reshape the views where
I live and where I am and hopefully eventually around the world one day for people who do
use media as a form of expression you know I've studied very deeply into occult knowledge
and the only thing that I learned is that this world is it operates in balance and
while we would love to live in a perfect world with sunshine and rainbows there would be
no balance if there wasn't darkness and a lot of the darkness comes from the evil that
happens here and I don't think people all people are evil by nature for example the
whole situation I was just telling you all about I think that they're just a byproduct
of a certain kind of thinking that doesn't make it right though that means it needs to
be corrected at some point but there will still always be people who think like that
out there and I'm not here to change them I'm just here to change the world this has
not been easy to film like it might seem easy because my words just naturally flow off my
tongue but one thing I was saying last night to my husband was I'm tired of losing friends
when I created that episode originally the first episode well not the first episode I
think it was the third episode talking about my birth experience and my experience with
my midwife never talked to her again after that she was very offended by the episode
other situations I've been in you know where I spoke truth no one talked to me again because
it's uncomfortable for people they don't know how to handle it they're so caught up in
heavy emotions that they can't step outside of themselves and so putting out this episode
may very well lead to me losing deals or partnerships in the future because my truth is uncomfortable
for people but when I divert from that and I don't speak that you know with with justice
with with strength I'm doing a disservice to myself and to the women around me I don't
change the world I get too scared I'm like I'm just gonna shake things up a little here
no I'm a volcano that means when I erupt the hot lava is gonna go everywhere and if you're
smart you'll honor that lava and you'll see at some point things have to erupt in order
for you to see the beauty in them and volcanoes are absolutely beautiful they are a man made
or not a man made they are a spirit made creation that in all its power and its beauty people
come around the world just to marvel at but is also depicted as something very dangerous
when you see like movies when people like falling into the hot lava like no it can be
very dangerous to speak your truth because it is intimidating and people thrive off of
power they thrive off of control and when you no longer have that when someone sees
that they cannot be controlled anymore that you know you can't make them have a certain
message that's scary because it's like if I can't control you what are you gonna do
next I'm gonna continue standing up for black women for melanated women for the people who
this medicine was original to so moving forward through tailored healing collective you know
yes I had a craving to be on certain giant platforms and spaces because I thought the
bigger the audience the more money no it's not about that because I've always been blessed
some way abundantly I haven't had a perfect life I've had scares I've had bills I've had
very normal human things but I'm always taken care of at the end of the day and the more
that I honor my truth the better things get and so I encourage anyone listening to the
show today to honor your truth whatever that may be never make yourself feel like you have
to conform create your own stop looking for other people to give you everything all the
time now there are things that I myself are even comfortable with you know I don't necessarily
enjoy growing my own food all the time I like benefits of you know internet and getting
to have certain luxuries in life I'm not gonna lie about that or deny that at all you know
I benefit from being a citizen in the United States but I've also been educated that there
are other options for me out there but when I say create your own I mean if you are looking
to seek some sort of freedom where you cannot be controlled or told that your voice is too
loud or that you're too passionate about things and you look angry or you come off a certain
way don't listen to those people they don't know what the hell they're talking about they're
trying to make you small you are not small you are powerful no matter who you are and
that goes for black white Asia it doesn't matter you are a powerful human being never conform
yourself to fit somebody else's standards because your spirit will suffer at the end
of the day from it you will wake up at night sometimes knowing that you didn't live out
your full potential because you were afraid of what somebody else would think of you and
you're gonna hurt some feelings I've had to learn that the hard way you're gonna hurt
some feelings you're going to scare some people you're gonna turn some people off with your
message but that doesn't matter you matter what you do for future generations matters
what you do for your children your brother your sister your mother all those people who
did not have the courage to stand up and out one day even if they don't thank you they
will see you but that's not important either what's important is that you see you if your
mission is to create change then create change and that's what I'm here to do there's no
soft way to put that there's no way for me to you know make myself small my hope is that
this episode today whoever it's heard by is received with love and with understanding
and that they too can help be part of this change that tailored healing collective is
going to make for people and that you know so many other podcasts and shows and businesses
are making they're helping us step into sovereignty to take things back and do good with them
and this is not to say that other people who have you know spaces that they talk about
psychedelics and medicine and they don't have good intentions but good intentions are good
intentions for everyone not just particular people and you'll hear me talk about that
in my first season this medicine was not meant for just one kind of person but when it was
perverted and taken away from these communities demonized it was only fed back out to certain
masses in certain groups you know I want black and brown people to have access to the scientific
part of this so that they can understand not just on a spiritual level but on a scientific
and logical level their own brain pattern so they can see how this medicine can help
and hurt and how to practice it effectively because I just don't believe right now there
are enough practicing spiritual workers who have the energy to alone carry doing this
work by themselves I think that it needs to happen in tandem but in order to do that the
narrative has to change right here first and how do you get to people the media so I don't
know that I have too much more to say today I'm actually coming up on actually an Olympic
a week and a half on the one year anniversary of the show and I only intend for to grow
from here I have to remind myself constantly this is not about media attention or frenzy
because if I had to be honest with myself right now raising two small children I don't
need all that attention right now what I do need to do is still continue this movement
and wherever it grows that's where it grows but yeah this is truth this is me this is
us we're going to change the way the world looks years from now decades from now just
by the power of using our voices now so I hope that again this is received with love
this is not an angry woman podcast this is a real truth spit it out honesty show and
if it's for you it's for you if it's not it's not but I will not hide myself for anyone
I will not hide the history of my people I will not hide that I am a black woman and
change my message to fit someone else's bill I will be me so this has been the Taylor Healing
Collective podcast and until next time let love lead the way peace.
I detach from the old I have a crown of success I am sure of what is coming and let the universe
do the rest I don't know how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and
again I don't know how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and again I don't
know how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and again time is a dimension
that we enter choose to align with self that's divine it first exists inside of our minds
I don't know how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and again I visualize my
desires I create with intention a new dimension where reality is in my hands I don't know
how I don't know when but I manifest what I want again and again