An example is gosh for God or fudge for fuck.
I've heard of that. Sure, yeah. I mean, we've
all done it because if you're around kids, you
can't just say fucking God, fuck, motherfucker,
fucking asshole, right? You have to say something
else. Not that I've ever thought that. Welcome
to Nice Ashes. Join hosts Mike and Nate for cigars
and culture. Let's go beyond the smoke. What
are we smoking today, Nate? We are smoking a
Schizotoro Maduro. And we smoked the Schizotoro
earlier. And this is the Maduro variety. And
I still, I really enjoy their label with like
the paintbrush stroke and the skull and different
shades. And it's very nicely done. The packaging
is excellent. Yes. I'm actually quite excited
about this one because we enjoyed the regular
one, and this is the Maduro version. Yeah, I'm
excited. I'm pairing mine with Henry McKenna
10 -year single barrel Kentucky bourbon yet again.
No way. I am pairing mine yet again, and I'm
waiting for the listener to chime in, if they
remember from last episode, the Falling Knife
Verbal Tip, which is a hazy India pale ale. There
we go. Off the bat, I like it better already.
Yes, it's quite nice so far. Certainly better
than the Don Raphael. Yes, yes. Oh, yeah. What
are we talking about, Mike? I don't know. It's
your topic. Okay. What are we talking about?
Check this out. Conspiracy theory. White Earp.
Big Nose Kate. Buckle up. Here we go. No, I'm
just kidding. We're going to talk about something
completely different, but it is kind of sort
of related to a previous episode we did. With
the algo speak. But we're going to go backwards
in time. You ready for that, Mike? Perfect. Going
back to the future. Marty. Okay. We're going
to talk, and you let me know if you've heard
of this before, Mike. I'm sure you have. An educated
fellow as yourself. We're going to talk about
minced oaths. Minced oaths? Oaths. Not something
you do in your kitchen. Minced oaths. It's a
weird phrase. I would almost rather it be called
like minced curses or something because that's
basically what you're doing. Have you heard this
term before, Mike? That is not what I expected
based on the title that I received in my email,
but that is okay. Well, the title only has to
do with a funny play on the cigar name. It doesn't
necessarily have to do with the episode topic.
There we go. So I email Mike the invite for the,
I don't know, the online. recording thing, right?
And I just put in funny subject lines sometimes.
And they don't really have to do with the topic.
It has to do with the cigar. So this is like
the Schizotoro Maduro. So I put Skibbity Toilet
in because it's kind of close -ish. I don't know.
Trying to be young and hip. Anyway, what do you
do? Do you know what a minced oath is, Mike?
I do not. Oh, okay. Good. This will be a fun
episode. I mean, they're all fun, to be fair.
Except for that edition especial. That one was
mostly the cigar, though. All right. So we've
got a term. The term for replacing curse words
with other words or phrases is a euphemism. And
euphemism is mostly people now associate with
sexual connotation, right? Euphemism. Oh, yeah.
But when you're specifically trying to avoid
profanity, it's called a minced oath. So it's
a subgenre of the euphemism. which I would imagine
algo -speak kind of sort of is, immense oath
is an expression formed by deliberately misspelling,
mispronouncing, or replacing part of a profane,
blasphemous, or taboo word or phrase to reduce
the original term's objectionable characteristics.
An example is gosh, for God, or fudge. For fuck,
I've heard of that. Sure, yeah. I mean, we've
all done it, because if you're around kids, you
can't just say fucking, god, fuck, motherfucker,
fucking asshole, right? You have to say something
else. Not that I've ever thought that. So a lot
of languages have these. English, almost every
profanity has a variant, right? Where you can
say it in whatever. But we're going to get into
a little bit of the history, and then we're going
to get into the meat and potatoes, the fun part
of the episode, where we're just going to read
off the list of a lot of these minced oaths.
And some of them I've heard of before and I've
used, and some of them I'm like, what is that
even about? What the fudge is that even about?
So here's something, and I don't know why I do
these episodes where there's people in here with
names that I can't pronounce, and then Mike's
going to make fun of me again. But there's a
Cretan king, Rodamanthus. Does that sound about
right, Mike? Robamanthus? What? Rodamanthus.
Okay. Rodamanthus? I don't know, whatever. Socrates
favored the Ramadanthine oath by the dog, with
the dog often interpreted as referring to the
bright dog star or, you know, Sirius. Aristophanes
mentions that people used to swear by the birds
instead of by the gods, adding that the soothsayer
Lampon still swears by the goose whenever he's
going to cheat you. Since no god was called upon,
Lampon may have considered this oath safe to
break. So it goes way back into the ancient times.
Where nowadays we don't really do oaths anymore,
right? Sure. I mean, I guess like it's more of
like a legal phrase now instead of, you know,
he gave me his word. You don't really say like
he gave me his oath and he broke his oath and
blah, blah, blah. Apparently there might be some
minced oaths in the Bible. There's some Hebrew
words like gazelles and wild does. I can't read
these, but if we had Sima on here, he would tell
us exactly how to pronounce these other words.
Different versions of titles for God. And the
use of mince oaths in English dates back to at
least the 14th century when Gog and Cock, K -O
-K -K, not the other one, ladies, calm down,
were both euphemisms for God. And they were...
and they were fairly popular at the time, back
in the 14th century. We also have some early
minced oaths for Gis, with a G -I -S or J -I
-S, for Jesus, dating to about 1528. This one
is right up your alley here, Mike. The late Elizabethan
drama contains a profusion of minced oaths due
to Puritan opposition to swearing. So seven new
minced oaths were first recorded between 1598
and 1602. including sblood, s -b -l -o -o -d,
for by God's blood, from Shakespeare, slight,
for God's light, from Ben Johnson, and snails,
for God's nails, from the historian John Hayward.
Swearing on stage was officially banned by the
Act to Restrain Abuses of Players in 1606, and
a general ban on swearing followed in 1623. There
are some other examples from the 1650s, including
slid, By God's eyelid, I guess, which is, you
know, very holy. Sfut, by God's foot. Gadzooks,
for by God's hooks, which refers to the nails
on Christ's cross. And in the late 17th century,
E -God meant O -God, which was also made popular
in The Music Man. There's odds bodkins, which
means by God's bodkins, which I guess bodkins
is a term for nails. So some of this stuff is
really, really old. Oh, yeah. All right. And
so in some cases, some of these minced oaths,
like nobody knows anymore what they mean or what
they were short for. So it's just a fun little
thing. We're not going super deep or anything
super cerebral. But we're going to go through
some of these and try and figure out if we've
heard them, seen them, whatever, used them maybe.
We've got Struth, which means by God's truth,
it came to be spelled S -T -R -E -W -T -H. Another
one is Zounds, and that's related to wounds.
Maybe it's pronounced Zunes. I don't know. I've
heard that Dr. Seuss is really supposed to be
pronounced Dr. Zeuss to rhyme with choice. But
again, I'm no historian, so how would I know?
I guess there was a great vowel shift at some
point, but the normal word wound did not. So
they don't really sound like their original meaning.
So zound wouldn't sound like wound in the sense
of, you know, by God's wounds. So if you have
zound, I guess at the time you might have pronounced
it zooned, but there's apparently a great vowel
shift. I don't know anything about that. Do you
know anything about that, Mike? No, I do not.
I do not. I do know between like, what, the 14th
century and now, there's been some linguistic
drift. Yes, absolutely. Right, Brian Herbert?
Rackus. Went to Rackus. Yeah, Rackus. Okay. So
there's a playwright in 1593, Christopher Marlowe,
and he used zounds as an exclamation. Zounds
he'll raise up a kennel of diules. Whatever the
actual fuck that means. I don't know. Dogs, maybe?
I don't know. What the fuck? I don't know. Who
knows? I mean, that's, you know, some of the
stuff has kind of lost the time, in a sense.
I'm sure some... etymologist. If you're listening,
I apologize for my ignorance. But again, we're
not trying to go super deep into this. It's just
supposed to be a lot of fun. So the term bloody,
which everybody's heard of, bloody, first recorded
as the British now use it in 1540. And it didn't,
I guess it didn't originally have religious connotation.
And it was centuries later that it was ascribed
to one potentially standing in for by her lady
and God's blood. thus becoming somewhat of an
adopted minced oath. And bloody is kind of the
most controversial of the entire list that I
have, because some people... claim that it's
by her lady in reference to the Virgin Mary.
Some think it means by God's blood, and some
think it is related to the female's menstrual
cycle. So that's kind of the most controversial
one, and I guess depending on who you're talking
to, if they're curious at all about the origins
of it. I mean, a lot of people use fuck and they
don't care where it came from, right? It's a
curse word, you know, something you say when
you're frustrated or what have you. You're not
really going to find a lot of people that say
bloody that actually care where it came from.
But if you do, that one's a little bit controversial,
at least in the origin sense. Tracking with all
this, Mike? Yes, I am following. Sure. I mean,
so many of these things, if you watch any PG
or PG -13 movie these days, like almost all of
these we're going to get, we're going to hit.
We're going to hit most of these. I guess we're
going to hit Crikey. And raspberry. It's on the
list. It's on the list, man. GDMF. Maybe. Maybe.
It's one of my favorites. We'll see. And that's
going to be the thing at the end is if there's
any that aren't on this list that either of us
know of, we'll add them and then we'll have the
full complete list here on Nice Ashes, the podcast.
So gosh. I'm excited. Gosh darn it. Me too. Gosh
darn it all. Gosh. Stands for God. G stands for
Jesus. And that's G -E -E. Jeez. Jesus again.
Golly. God again. Gosh darn it. God damn it.
Darn. Damn. Dang or dang nabbit. Damn or god
damn it. They're going to play this back in hell,
aren't they? And they're going to tell me, this
is why you're here. I'm sorry. They're going
to play this back in heck, aren't they? Heck
equals hell. Shoot. Equals shit. So, you know,
we say, oh, shoot. It's really shit. Sugar is
shit. Fudge is fuck. Which is, you know, Christmas
story. Except they didn't say fudge. They said
the mother of all curse words. All right. Frick,
freaking, frigging is all fuck. Fucking or fucking.
Right? And frack. Yeah, and frack. And feck.
And feck. And feck. You are correct. We've got
crikey. And crikey Moses is Christ. Jiminy Cricket.
Jesus Christ. Jeepers Creepers, also Jesus Christ.
Blimey is God blind me. British origin by Jove
is by God, and Jove is the Roman god Jupiter.
Zounds is God's wounds, which we talked about.
Godzooks, which I feel like a fair number of
people still say. I don't. I said a fair number
of people. I didn't say you, Mike. A fair number.
That's like a Trump statement. It's nebulous
at best. A fair number. Hey, there's a lot of
people out in this world. There's a lot of people
out there. Some of them say certain things. A
lot of them say Godzooks. The best of them. The
best of them say Godzooks. Most of them say Godzooks.
My doctor told me nobody said Godzooks more than
I have. And I say it a lot. I say it more than
anybody else. But the people that like me, and
I like them, also say Godzooks. God's hooks.
And it's kind of a strange one to me because
it's like God's hooks. Like that's the most literal
interpretation of the crucifixion nails. you
could possibly have. Yeah, I've heard that. I
think I've heard you say that before, to be honest
with you. Godzooks? Yeah. Okay. You know what?
I'm going to phone a friend. Heath, can you tell
me what other episodes of Nice Ashes I've said
Godzooks in? Okay, and we'll wait for this later.
This will come out later. But, okay. I don't
know if I've ever said Godzooks. But again, I
feel that I've never said bro. Non -sarcastically,
but then suddenly you start saying bro and it's
non -sarcastic. So things just kind of work their
way into your lexicon. They do. Which is either
cool or frustrating, but tough to say. Tough
to say what? Meh. I can tell Mike's excited.
Odds Bodkins. Have you ever heard anybody that
has said Odds Bodkins? I just did. Twice. You
did? I just heard it twice. Oh, sure. Two times
is the charm. Two times is the charm. I can't
even say it myself. Fuck. Let's make it three.
Odds bodkins apparently means God's body in some
kind of like degradation of pig Latin, I guess.
Odds fish. Odds fish. Have you gone down to the
dock to check on odds fish? Probably not because
it apparently means God's flesh. These are, you
know, I guess like they all come kind of from
what, the 1400s? 14th century? Dude, there's
some. fucking english author who had to deal
with extreme censorship who had to make up this
nonsense oh i'm sure well and i don't even know
if that was some author i mean it probably was
probably some author but you know what it probably
was was like oprah's book club in the 1500s right
and they're like oh this is so scandalous we
can't say this word we have to come up with odds
and bodkins or they'll they'll know what it means
yes we'll all know what it means we're in the
same book club Alexander Pope is making up some
shit. I mean, say what you want, but we can have
a podcast where we can actually just say, fuck
it. Right. Yeah. And also reference Alexander
Pope. Well, that too. That too. That's not lost
on me. I've decided I have to smoke my cigar
more and read less and talk less. All right.
Buy gum. By gum. By God. Do you want to hear
a real wild one, Mike? Oh, I am ready. I'm so
ready. By golly. Also means by God. Also means
by God. I can see you. I can picture you. I can
tell you're fanning yourself. You got the vapors.
It is three quarters right now. Three quarters
of the way. Yes. Yes. Yes. By cracky. I've heard
that. Yeah. By Christ. But it says possibly.
So it's one of those ones where it's a. I mean,
some of these are so old. I mean, most of these
are so old, but a lot of them, and we said at
the top where it's like a lot of the meanings
of these potentially are lost to time. So it's
anyone's guess, but Jiminy Christmas. I've heard
that one. Jiminy Christmas. Jesus Christ. Criminy.
Christ. Land sakes. Lord's sake. And I, I mean,
I'm an atheist, so, but like Lord's sake, I don't,
I guess it's potential. I guess it's a swear.
I don't know. There's worse ones, for sure. I
don't know. I just let her fly. You know, if
I'm going to do the cursing, I just go all out,
I guess. I mean, you got to. You got to. Otherwise,
what's the point? Like, you're not being taken
seriously, for sure. No. Locks? L -A -W -K -S.
Means Lord? If anyone's doing that, I'm going
to tell them to go back in time to where they
came from, I guess, because that's not one I've
ever seen or heard, for sure. No, I thought you
were talking about lakes in Scotland for a second.
Oh, yeah, yeah, the locks. The Loch Ness Monster.
No, not that. For Pete's sake. Learn American,
you know? Learn American, all that lock business.
Do that in your own country, not Scotland. Keep
those locks out of here. This is America. Yeah,
this is America. It's a lake or it's a pond.
Yeah, that lake is now American. Why did you
put your lake in America? Why did you put that
oil? Why did you put American oil underneath
your land? That was unwise. Yeah, yeah. If you
put that oil under a lock, I can't mine it. Or
is it mine it? I can't mine it. Not really mining.
They drill for it. Yeah. Anyway, I was gonna
make a whole big thing, but now I'm not going
to because I fucking lost it. For Pete's sake.
For God's sake. Pete stands in as God. And as
we all know, Jesus had a good buddy named Peter.
They had land parties together and things. Son
of a gun. Son of a bitch. I don't really know
that, like, it's weird because bitch means a
female dog and bitch is not offensive if. referring
to a female dog. But if referring to a female
human, it's offensive. But it's one of those
weird things. And I often refer back to like
the movies and things because that's where maybe
a lot of societal stuff comes from and cultural
stuff comes from where a PG -13 movie can have
one fuck, but it can't be motherfucker. It can't,
the fuck can't be used in a sexual sense to be
a PG -13 movie. They can use fuck, but it can't
be a sexual fuck. Because fuck is very diverse.
It is. So you can theoretically say bitch as
many times as you want if you're referring to
a dog. But again, it's one of those ones where
it's like, son of a bitch, is that? I don't know.
Some people get really offended by it. Everybody
has their own kind of like offensive meters.
So I'm not trying to say it's not offensive.
I'm just, you know what I mean? All I know is
that it's a routine part of rap music, or at
least it was when I heard rap music. Playing
loud. When you heard it. You weren't the one
playing it. Somebody else was playing it. You
just happened to be in the vicinity. Well, I'm
not a rap connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination.
Sure, sure. I no longer go to parties where rap
music is played. Mike's mother. Mike is a wholesome
boy. Don't listen to any of these words he says
on the podcast. My mother is a big fan of Uncle
Cracker. Well, and honestly, she could be now
because he was like. He went country and then
he got soft. Whatever. I don't know. We're not
talking about Uncle Cracker. Anyway. Son of a
gun, Mike. Son of a gun. I'm sorry, Mike's mom.
You're lovely. Mother of Pearl. And it's funny
because this one has like, it says motherfucker,
but the U, C, and K are asterisks. Are you talking
about fucking minced oaths? I have some balls.
Motherfucker. Just say motherfucker. Mother of
Pearl. Motherfucker. Here's one made popular
by Family Guy. What the deuce. I have heard that
said by Stewie. Yeah, Stewie's the only one that
says it. What the devil. I don't... What the
devil. I mean, I... Okay, if I was in, you know,
1500 and said what the devil, I guess I'd maybe
be burned at the stake. But in today's society,
I don't know that anywhere, if you said what
the devil, I don't know that anyone anywhere...
Outside of the Sharia law stuff, I don't know
that you'd really be... I don't know that anyone
would really bat an eye. You know what I mean?
Mormons. Mormons. For sure. I said real religions,
Mike. Methodist, Catholic, Episcopalian. They'd
be upset at me for saying, what, the devil? No.
No, they would not. They're also not the people
that say, heckin'. Yeah, they don't say heckin'
either. I mean, the Mormons do edgings. No, what
is it? Soaking. They do soaking. Soaking, yeah.
Great way to involve the homies in my sex life,
I guess, right? There we go. Balderdash. I've
heard this quite a bit, but not from actual living
people, but maybe more from Saturday morning
cartoons. Yeah, I've heard it, but only in comedic
context. Yeah. I mean, it's bullshit. That's
what it means. Horse feathers. It means horseshit.
Here's one nobody could ever figure out. H -E
double hockey sticks. I don't know what that
means. Impossible. It's cryptic. Some kind of
ancient Egyptian hieroglyph. It means hell. What
does a hockey stick even look like? I have no
idea. It's a deep question. Sam Hill. I've heard
Sam Hill quite a bit. Not really in real life,
but again, like the cartoons from the 50s and
60s or whatever. Yeah, Yosemite Sam. Yeah. Yeah.
Cotton picking minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're
not talking about cotton picking at all. That
has nothing to do with this. Stop it. Stop it.
Sam Hill is a euphemism for the devil or hell.
Shucks. You hear shucks all the time. It means
shit. It means shit. Where are you at with your
cigar, Mike? I'm halfway, I would say. Yeah,
me too. Me too. What do you think? I like it.
It's not crazy good. Mine is like kind of. Difficult
to keep lit. It wants to go out. Dude, I have
relit this thing like two or three times. So
it's not just you. And they've been stored in
separate humidors for God knows how long. I'm
sorry. Years. Yeah, potentially. Geez knows how
long. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. And mine
had some weird kind of like cracking at the nearish,
the, what do we call the end we smoke on, Mike?
The tip? Is the tip the other end? I would say
the butt. The cap. The butt? The cap. Yeah, I'll
call it the butt. The foot is the end. I know
that you later on. Okay. Yeah, burn the foot.
God, minced oaths, man. They're everywhere. They're
pervasive. They're pervasive. That's a bunch
of horse hockey. That's a bunch of phooey. You
gummed it all up. You gummed it all up. Yeah.
Yeah, that's what she said. All right. So rats
means damn or shit, I guess. I don't know. Why?
Why? I don't know why. You would think rats,
and you'd just say, oh, it was a curse they did
in the Black Plague time. And everybody would
be like, okay. How about rats are bad, so you
say the bad thing. I don't know how you get dam
or shit out of rats, and my dam or shit is somehow
worse than Black Plague carrying rats. I don't
know. The only people I've ever met who liked
rats were fucking freaks. Like my fifth grade
teacher, you know? Like, get that shit away from
me. Ooh, I remember her. She was hot. No, I'm
just kidding. She was a nun. Am I wrong, Donnie?
Am I wrong? No, I've known some people that have
had pet rats and... You're not wrong. They're
freaky. They're freakish. Not like circus freakish,
but they're people that you can imagine some
colorful sex lives from, I guess. Oh, my God.
It's like people that keep snakes. Yeah. I mean,
that's a fair assessment, right? Like, if you
have snakes or rats as a pet, you're probably
into some shit in the bedroom. I don't know for
a fact. I don't know for a fact. But you come
off that way. I dated a girl that had two boa
constructors as pets. And how was she? Big nose
Kate? She wasn't into anal or animals. Well,
as far as we know, neither was big nose Kate.
That was big nose Kate Jewish. Moving right along
from that sidebar. Phooey. Means fuck. Or general
disgust. But mostly fuck. Cracky, cracky Moses.
I think we talked about that one. Is Christ jumping
Jehoshaphat? Have you heard that one, Mike? Jumping
Jehoshaphat? Cartoony, yeah. Cartoons or some
version of the comedy, yes. I heard that somewhere.
I don't remember where. It could have been anywhere,
really. It says, it claims, it's a mild replacement
for Jesus. Though I don't know why. I don't know
who Jehoshaphat was. I don't know why he was
jumping. Do you know who Jehoshaphat was? You
know, I went to school with him for a while,
but I didn't really know him. Yeah, he always
had some dank weed, but... He was really good
friends with Jebus. They like to masticate together.
Oh, fuck yeah, I love masticating. Masticating
is my fave. Especially in groups. Yeah, yeah.
Well, did you know, and this has nothing to do
with mastication, but did you know that in Wisconsin,
if you have three people in a room and they're
all barefoot... It's legally an orgy. They don't
have to be engaging in anything. It's just if
you have three people barefoot in a room, it's
an orgy. I did not know that. I had orgies so
often at my house in the summertime. Well, I
think I was there for one of them. I'm pretty
sure you've been there at least one time. Yeah,
we purposely did this in our high school, one
of our high school break rooms. My buddies and
I took off our shoes so we could say we had an
orgy in high school. On our lunch break, of course,
because you can't steal from the state while
we're learning. On our free time. So Jehoshaphat
was the son of Azzah, the fourth king of the
kingdom of Judah. His children included Jeroham,
and his mother was Azuba. This is basically reading
fucking Genesis, dude. Fuck that guy. I hate
him. Okay, the next one also has to do with Jehoshaphat,
who was apparently famous back in fuck knows
when. I'm sorry, back in fudge knows when. Jehoshaphat's
ghost means Jesus or God. But Jehoshaphat was
not God or Jesus. So I don't know who Jehoshaphat
was, but I hate him already. And I don't really
hate people ever, but I don't like Jehoshaphat.
Don't know what his deal is. Don't know what
he stands for. Don't know whose side he's on.
Whose side is he on? You tell me, Mike. I guess
the side of the Jewish people. So is that pro
-Israel or? Oh, you know he'd be way pro -Israel.
Wait, wait, I just got a tweet from Jehoshaphat.
He says he loves Elon Musk. He's sad he's leaving
the Trump administration. Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. Free Palestine. Okay. Oh, hey. That's spicier
than what I was going to say. Now I'm silent.
I have nothing to say. That is a spicy take.
And that one's going to fucking stay in. That
one's going to fudge and stay in. Oh, man. We're
going to be in trouble now. Yeah. Jehoshaphat,
come at me, bro. Okay, this one is like four
and one. But they all mean the same thing. Holy
mackerel, holy cow, holy smokes, holy Toledo.
And I think holy Toledo is from like probably
the 1300s when Toledo was a place. I'm teasing.
It means holy shit or holy Christ. I don't know.
I feel like Toledo, Toledo is what? Toledo, Ohio?
Is there another Toledo? There can't be another
Toledo. Well, probably so. I'm getting a guess
that there has to be at least one. I mean, there's
a York and there's a New York, so there's got
to be a Holy Toledo. Fiddlesticks. Frustration
possibly replacing fuck or shit. I don't know
why I wouldn't just replace fucking shit. Fiddlesticks,
fucking shit. That'd be my vote. But I'm not
the guy that decides history in the past from
the future or present. Okay, here's some good
ones coming up here. Snickerdoodle. I'm not going
to tell you. We're going to move on from that
one. Fart knocker or butt monkey. It says insults.
Yeah, it says insults without strong profanity.
But we all know it's like fucking in the ass,
right? Like fart knocker. You're knocking that
fart with your dick, dude. In somebody's ass.
Butt monkey. Buggery. Yeah, you can't say insults
without strong profanity. It means fucking someone
in the ass is what it means. The fuck are you
talking about? Like, of course. It's fucking
anal sex. It's fucking in the asshole. That's
what it means. I always thought that calling
somebody a fart knocker was calling them a homosexual.
Well. Because you're calling them a butt fucker.
50 % of the time. A lot of other people enjoy
anal sex besides homosexuals, Mike. That is true.
I'm not denying anybody's personal pleasures
or anything like that. I'm just saying that you're
calling somebody a sodomite. It's similar to
calling somebody a motherfucker. Like, you're
calling them an incestuous individual, you know?
I don't know that that's true. What? It's like
being called the son of a whore, right? Well,
the son of a whore, but you're not fucking your
mom, Oedipus. Well, motherfucker is you're fucking
your mom, you know? Well, understandably, but
not like anal intercourse is not incestuous,
but it could be homosexual. Yeah, it has negative
connotations from a previous time. For sure.
Crud. Criminy and crikey. Our vague euphemisms.
And I'm sure anything on our list that starts
with a C means only one thing, right, Mike? Does
it mean shit? I think it means fuck. Oh. I'm
sorry, Christ. It means Christ. Crud means Christ,
but crud is like dirt. Is crud not shit? Is Christ
not shit? I thought crud was shit. Christ returns
as shit. And three days later was rejuvenated
as a dandelion. Oh, you're lucky that there aren't
any extremist Christians alive that are going
to fucking hunt you down for that. Come at me,
bro. You're not going to have to be Salman Rushdie
-ed into fucking secrecy or whatever. Shut the
front door. I mean, shut the fuck up. This one
is super lame. This one shouldn't even be a thing.
What the what? And it translates to what the
hell or what the fuck. I feel like some of these
things... And we've talked about softening of
language before. And we swear quite a bit on
this podcast, for sure. But we're also enjoying
some beverages and the cigar. And you have different
conversations when you're smoking a cigar and
you're enjoying some beverages, which we talked
about with Keith. And if you're a person that
doesn't swear a lot... and you're trying to say
what the fuck, you probably shouldn't say what
the what. You should probably leverage all the
times you didn't swear and just say what the
fuck, because it will make people take note and
listen more than they will with what the what.
Now, I'm not saying do this at work. I'm not
really saying do this at all, but do you, I mean,
Mike, if you're talking to somebody and you're
not somebody that swears all the time, right?
You're not somebody like boondock saints. You're
not saying fuck every other word. When somebody
who doesn't swear a lot swears, I kind of listen
more. You know what I mean? Like, they're obviously
very passionate about this. I think the emphasis
or the intention or the seriousness of the thing,
it's not really offensive. It's just, oh, holy
fuck, they care about this a lot. You know what
I mean? Yes, I do. I had a former coworker who...
had an outburst one time, and I could definitely
tell that he was upset because he didn't say
anything bad ever about anybody or anything.
And I could tell that he needed some assistance
with this problem. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah,
he needed some help, for sure. No doubt. Yes.
Son of a biscuit or a biscuit eater. Now, I don't,
again, like, I don't know that biscuit eater
is the same. As son of a biscuit. Because son
of a biscuit is son of a bitch. Biscuit eater
to me is not the same. I've never heard biscuit
eater, but I've heard cake eater. And I think
that they mean two different things. If somebody
said to me, you're a biscuit eater, I would assume
they're trying to insinuate that I am somebody
who enjoys eating ass. Again, that's just what
my, you know, biscuit eater. right like a cake
eater cake is butt cake is ass right like oh
you got that cake and then the modern modern
modern that's like you know pretty fresh i think
i don't know i think our lingo dates us nate
i don't know if i could say fresh anymore Fuck,
dude. I don't know. It's so dope, though. But
again, like, Biscuit Eater, there was a time,
and I think we talked about this previously on
the podcast, where my wife and I watched through
The Sopranos. And there's a whole subplot in
several of the episodes, actually, where Tony's
uncle enjoyed performing oral sex on women, and
he didn't want anyone to know about that. Because
that was, I guess, in the 90s, it was not cool
to lick the clit. And nowadays, people fucking
eat ass and brag about it online. So licking
the clit is pretty fucking mellow in terms of
sexual things people do and share on social media.
So biscuit eater could be just your fucking licking
the snatch, right? Like, I don't know. Could
be your tongue in the a -hole. Again, I don't
know. It doesn't really say. It's an older -ish
phrase. It could mean anything, really. I mean,
at some point, There was, uh, oh, you like giving
your female partner pleasure. That's not right.
You're a homosexual because you like licking
vaginas. It doesn't even make any fucking sense.
It's gay now to fucking lick vaginas? Yeah, I'm
not part of that. subculture and i never was
so i don't really understand vaginas or i i know
i mean like yeah the like anti -vagina licking
crowd is uh something that i've heard stories
about but it's kind of like a myth you know like
i don't know any of these people who are they
were they are they have they been dead for longer
than i've been alive i'm gonna guess so probably
so i mean this was from the 90s so like i've
never heard anybody ever be like You like licking
vagina? That's so fucking homosexual. Until we
watched Sopranos, and there was a whole three
-episode arc about this uncle. It was like, don't
tell anybody I love licking vaginas. I'm like,
what? Was this a thing? I don't think it was
a thing. No wonder the divorce rate was so high
in the 90s. No wonder. I don't. I think like
many things on TV. It's not real. Well, sure,
but again, that was the 90s, and that was written
by people not born in the 90s, not born even
in the 80s. It was people born earlier, and so
at some point in time, it must have been a thing
where you didn't do that, or you didn't mention
that you did that, right? I don't know. I think
it was more you don't talk about it, because
that's just not an appropriate subject for conversation.
in polite society well for sure yeah we we live
in a time now where a viral video just happened
i saw it where this chick was talking about told
the story about how her boyfriend sucked off
his buddy because his buddy was saying that his
girlfriend didn't like to suck dick or something
he's like oh it's easy i'll show you it's like
that's not something you should probably share
you know that your boyfriend's sucking dudes
dicks to show how easy it is you know yeah yeah
it's fucking weird Who is this guy and where
does he live? That's disgusting. I don't want
to go there. I don't know. We do definitely get
into kind of the oversharing of today, right?
Like, I don't know. There's people that are like,
oh, yeah, I eat ass on the first date. And I'm
like, what the actual fuck, dude? Is this somebody
you met in real life? No, but you see them online
and they're posting like, oh, yeah, I fucking
eat ass. I have a hard time believing a lot of
that stuff. Well, you don't necessarily believe
it, but if you're posting that you eat ass on
the first date, you're probably going to do it
if the person you're dating wants to do it, right?
Like, oh, hey, I don't care about the dinner,
but just fucking eat my asshole? I mean, it doesn't
even make any sense to me because... It's gross.
I mean, I'm not going to judge other people for
their behavior that they do in the privacy of
their own home to an extent, right? But we don't
need to talk about it. It's not necessary to
tell me about it. Well, for sure. I mean, you
do you and do whatever you want. I don't care.
I really don't care. Whatever gets you off gets
you off, and that's great. And I'm happy for
you. I don't need to read about it. On Twitter
or Facebook or wherever people post these things
and then show up on my meme pages. I don't care
enough to care. You know what I mean? Are you
seeking validation? Because that's probably not
the way you do it. It's like the chick telling
the story about how her boyfriend sucked his
friend off as part of a show of how easy it is
to do blowjobs. Maybe you should just leave that
guy and keep that to yourself. Like, you don't
need to do that. It's not necessary. That kind
of reminds me of, I don't know if you've seen
it, maybe, maybe not, Rowan Atkinson, one of
my favorite British actors. Maybe one of my favorite
actors, regardless of country of origin, because
I grew up on Mr. Bean. But he did a stand -up,
and it's fucking hilarious, because if you've
only known him for Mr. Bean where he doesn't.
really say any words at all. His stand -up, he
says a lot of words and it's fucking hilarious,
but he has this one bit where he's playing a
Catholic priest and he's giving a sermon to the
congregation. And he's talking about all of these
new brides. And he's saying, these new brides,
they come to me and they say, Father, what is
the church's position on fellatio? And he goes,
well, I always tell these brides, I always tell
them the same thing. I don't know what fellatio
is. And then they show me. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh,
anyway, I don't know. I don't know. We're talking
about. I don't know how we got here. Words that
are supposed to be curse words, but aren't. Yeah.
Jeez, crease, Louise, fella. I don't even know
what that means, man. Okay. Bulls spit. Bull
corn or bull crap. Bull crap I've heard several
times. The other ones seem like overly complicated,
but they all mean bullshit. They all mean bullshit.
This next one, I don't know that I believe. I
don't know that I believe this one. Fetch from
Mean Girls. Because then they say like, that's
so fetch. I don't know if I've ever seen that
movie. And if I have, I wasn't paying attention.
Well, I think you should watch it. And the gym
teacher is hilarious. But apparently fetch is
supposed to sound like fuck, but I don't think
that's true. I think it, I don't, I don't believe
that one. I don't believe that one. I take umbrage
with that. Then we got begora, by God, bejabbers
by Jesus, bleeding heck, which means bloody hell,
blimey, which means blind me, blind me. So you're
apparently like antagonizing your all -powerful
being to blind you? Seems strange to me. Blinking
heck means bloody hell by George. I've heard
that quite a bit. By God, by gum, by God, by
Jove, by God. Cheese and rice. I feel like you've
said this before, Mike. Cheese and rice. Possibly.
Means Jesus Christ, Christ sakes, which sounds
really similar to for Christ's sake. So I don't
know why you wouldn't just say it. Why wouldn't
you just say it? I mean, I guess they're going
to be beheaded for blaspheming, but in today's
day and age. There's not much reason to say any
of these other things than the actual thing.
I mean, if you're in a business setting, which
is usually the area where you have a pretty tight
restriction on your language, you probably don't
want to be doing any sort of swear adjacent terminology.
So it's not something that you wouldn't want
to say, you know, bazinga or bejesus or this
is not, you know, that's not the thing. That's
not what we're doing here. Yeah, I understand
that, but I feel like if you're using some of
these things, some of these minced oaths, instead
of using the real thing, and the reason you're
using these minced oaths is because you're at
work, you probably need to find a new job. If
your job is making you say minced oaths, you
probably need a new job. I wouldn't go that far.
I would say that you should probably read some
books. And learn how to use your language in
a more clever and appropriate way for the setting
at which you are in. Yes. And maybe don't put
yourself in a situation where you want to call
somebody a fuckface and not be able to do it.
You know? Yeah. Don't get that mad. I mean, there's
a lot of situations that happen in corporate
America where you want to call everybody a fuckface,
but you just can't do it. No. You gut it and
move on. But you know what you can say? Is you
can say, wisdom has been chasing you. But you've
always been faster. Something like that. I mean,
it's HR sanctioned, so it's got to be okay. We've
got one called Krivins. Have you ever heard somebody
say Krivins? Only as a last name in a shitty
sci -fi novel. Yeah, there you go. John Carter
of Mars. Krivins means Christ defend us. There
we go. Have you ever read John Carter of Mars?
No, but I'm very anxious to. I want to. I really
want to. You should read the Barsoom novels.
It's old -timey great. I love it. It's so shit.
We'll have to do a John Carter of Mars episode
at some point. I don't know why saying Christ
defend us would be a curse. Wouldn't that be
like a positive prayer? Christ defend us. Yeah,
I would say that that is more of a prayer than
anything. Dad gum, dag nabbit, and dag nabbit
are all goddammit. Dang, of course, is damn.
Darn's damn, darnation is damnation. Drat. I've
heard drat. God rot it. I guess all of the fig
tree, right? Do you remember the fig tree, Mike?
No. No, I don't. Fucking A. Jesus came across
this fig tree. He wanted himself a fig. Yeah,
son of God and all that shit. He wanted a fig.
It wasn't the season for figs to be ripe, which
was explicitly stated in the story in the Bible.
And Jesus is like, I want a fucking fig. And
the fig tree's like, it's not time yet. So Jesus
fucking cursed this fig tree and it withered
and fucking died. Because it wasn't the right
season. But, you know, Jesus knows all and is
right and all that shit. Why would Jesus get
angry? Well, Jesus fucking flipped tables and
whipped the, what is it, the Philistines? No,
money changers. Money changers. Okay, whatever.
He's a big fan of money changers. Yeah, I mean,
he's not opposed to letting his freak flag fly,
right? Yeah, but at a fucking plant? The plant
should obey God, right? Grab a stone and turn
it into a fig. He can turn water into wine. What
the fuck are you wanting a fig for, dude? Just
get a bucket from the river and turn it into
fucking wine. Get drunk and be happy. Why are
you harassing this fig tree? Yeah, just make
a fig appear in your hand. Better yet, make a
fig appear in your fucking mouth. How did you
feed all those fucking Jews in the desert? Oh.
Oh, Jesus. You have to bring up their religion
all of a sudden like it matters. We're talking
about Jesus. Jesus. Give a man a fig tree and
he'll fucking hate it for life. I'm sorry. Give
a man a fish and he'll... What is the thing?
I don't remember now. You lying son of a bitch.
Oh, boy. For crying out loud. For Christ's sake.
For Pete's sake. Not for Christ's sakes. It's
for St. Peter's sake. Because dropping the saint
from Pete's name makes it okay to say. It's not
a curse word anymore for Pete's sake. But if
you say for St. Peter's sake, straight to hell.
Straight to hell. Well, yeah. Now you're blasphemy
against the first pope and all that. Yeah. Something
like that. Be a naughty boy. Don't be a naughty
boy. Or girl. Or they. Or they. For the love
of Mike. I say this all the time. Because I love
Mike. But I guess this one's for St. Michael's
sake. Why doesn't it have to be Archangel Michael?
Yeah, why not? Why does it have to be St. Michael?
Why can't it be Archangel Michael? Give the Archangel
some love, too. Yeah, come on, bro. For Mike's
sake. For Peter of Angels and all that jazz.
Or for Pete's sake. Or for crying out loud. One
of them. One of these certainly fits. Gat dang
it. It's a fucking weird way to say God damn
it. Just, you know what? At some point, you just
fucking say the, just swear. Just do it. At some
point, just do it. Gee whiz means Jesus. But
I don't know why you wouldn't just say Jesus.
We're not all on roller skates. I see gee whiz.
Because it's funny. It is kind of funny. Because
it's like, is God whizzing? Is he peeing? Does
God have to pee? If we're made in God's image,
does God not have to pee? Does God not have to
rub one out every once in a while? These are
all questions I have, and that's why I became
an atheist, because no pastor would answer these
questions to me. Does God not have to wink? There's
pronti of 13 -year -old Jewish girls in Bethlehem
or whatever. Gee willikers, gee whiz. I watched
a documentary about that. There's a documentary
about what, Mike? About Mary getting raped by
a Roman soldier. Yeah, well, I think the most
plausible explanation of the virgin birth is...
Joseph wasn't the father, is probably the most.
Some version of that, and he was understanding
for some reason. Well, he's Joseph. Joseph is
probably the OG bro, right? Well, there's plenty
of reasons why, things that could have happened.
Let's put it that way. Dude, I understand 100%.
And I'm not trying to tear down religion in this
episode. That will be a future episode. Gee whiz,
gee willikers. Both mean Jesus. Godfrey Daniel.
Didn't you go to school with Godfrey Daniel?
I went to school with people named Daniel. Sure.
Sure. That's weird. That's fucking weird, dude.
Godfrey Daniel apparently means God. Golly gee
willikers, which is the longest fucking way ever
to say Jesus. Good garden party. means good God.
Good grief, all of the peanuts, means good God.
So, sorry, Charlie and Snoopy and Linus and Lucy.
Goodness gracious means good God. Gore blimey
means God blimey, which I think we talked about.
Gosh is God. Gosh darned means God damned. Jason
crisp, which feels like a Jason Voorhees thing,
but it apparently means Jesus Christ. Jeebus?
I don't know what that could possibly mean. Couldn't
possibly mean Jesus, could it, Mike? Jeebus?
Jesus? I had a friend who got in a lot of trouble
for saying Jeebus in school. Holy fuck. The same
individual got in trouble for using the word
masticate one too many times. Chewing is terrible,
isn't it? Yes. Jeepers, creepers, Jesus Christ.
Jeeze means Jesus. Jeezy crazy. And I've heard
you say this, Mike. I've heard you say Jeezy
crazy a lot of times. Oh, yeah. It means, I don't
know if you know this, it means Jesus Christ.
I am shocked. I thought that I was being perfectly
innocent. You thought you were being safe? Nobody's
safe. I thought I was being safe. Nobody's safe
from Satan. Nobody's safe from Satan, Mike. Jehoshaphat.
Here's this fucking guy again. Jehoshaphat. Apparently
it means Jesus, but Jehoshaphat was not Jesus.
Jehoshaphat was apparently a real person, unlike
Jesus. Did I say that out loud? I had a tickle
in my throat. I'm sorry. Jehoshaphat. Remember
the Alamo? I never remember Jesus. Jehoshaphat
apparently means Jesus. I don't know why. I'm
going to have to look into this Jehoshaphat fucker.
Sorry. This Jehoshaphat son of a bitch. No, wait.
What was the thing? What do we call them? I don't
know. This Jehoshaphat guy. I have to look into
them. Jiminy Christmas means Jesus Christ. Judas
Priest, outside of amazing music, means Jesus
Christ, I guess. Land Sakes. We talked about
this. Lord Sakes. Locks. Locks a mercy. Lord
have mercy. My goodness means my God. My gosh.
Surprise, surprise. Also means my God. Odds Bodkins.
Holy fuck. We are repeating. We are repeating.
I remember this God's Bodkins. We're getting
down there. We're getting down there. But this
one says, God's Bodkins means God's sweet body.
Like, we've got some kind of, like, romance novel
of God's body. So fucking hot. I did not know
that God was a pivotal character in the, oh,
what the hell were those shitty -ass books? Fifty
Shades of Grey. They had black, yeah, Fifty Shades
of Grey. That's the one. All I have to say is
Shitty has books. Fifty Shades of Grey, number
one, right at the top. Yep, that's the one. Where
you're right in front of the line. You're right
in front of the line. You're right in front of
the Butlerian Jihad. Anyway. Beautiful baby manion.
Beautiful baby manion. The fucking pumba pig.
He's dead. I must fuck you. Okay, here's one.
Sakura Blue. Which is like a French curse. And
my daughter loves watching Fancy Nancy. And she
says Sacre Bleu all the time. My daughter doesn't
say this all the time. But Fancy Nancy says Sacre
Bleu all the time. What a potty mouth. Oh, right.
Like Nancy. Nancy is such a fucking entitled...
Okay, sorry. It's not about Fancy Nancy. But
Sacre Bleu apparently means God's blood. Okay.
Godzooks is by far my favorite. Like God's hooks.
Like, the hooks we hung him on on the cross.
Like, that's fantastic. Like, that's a great
one. That's a great one, in my opinion. Sam Hill,
we talked about struth. S -T -R -E -W -T -H means
God's truth. I don't know why God's truth would
be a swear or a curse, but I am not alive during
the 14 or 1500s, so it doesn't really matter
to me. It's an oath. It's an oath. It wouldn't
be a curse by modern standards. Sure, yeah. Suffering
Sekitash. That's that chicken guy from the Looney
Tunes, right? Suffering Succotash. Suffering
Succotash. Isn't that Sylvester the Cat? I thought
it was the big chicken. Like the southern chicken
guy. He doesn't say that. Yeah, no. That's Suffering
Succotash is the cat. Sylvester. Sure. That's
fine. I'll allow it. We'll allow that. If anyone
has anything to say otherwise on my side or Mike's
side, post a comment. And we'll see it at some
point. We're going to do Google the show here,
motherfucker. Okay. You bring it on in. Take
a shot, everybody who's listening. Suffering
Succotash. Sylvester the Cat. There we go. Okay.
Mike proved himself the supreme being of all
beings. That is second only to the rule that
we do not bowl on whatever the fuck it is now.
Yep. Don't roll on seventh. So. We will call
Mike the new Oz Bodkins, meaning the new God's
sweet body. Anyway, suffering psychotash means
suffering savior, which is fucking stupid. If
you actually stop to think about it, because
Jesus is saving you from himself. Because if
you believe in the Trinity, Jesus is God, the
Son, and the Holy Ghost. They're all one being.
So he's here to save you from himself. So he's
not really suffering, and he knew if God is all
-knowing, and Jesus is God, God would have known
he was going to kill himself on the fucking cross.
So he's not really suffering, he's just doing
what he knew he had to do to save you, which
could have all been prevented if he wasn't such
an asshole to begin with, and would have not...
put himself in that situation where he had to
sacrifice himself at no cost because he's fucking
God and eternal and whatever and all -knowing
and blah, blah, blah. So it's all a bunch of
bullshit, but that's not the point of the episode.
The point of the episode is minced oaths. So
the next one is tarnation, which means damnation.
What in the Sam Hill? What in the damn hell?
Wish to goodness. I wish to goodness. Wish to
God. If somebody told me wish to God, I would
be so offended. I don't even know what I would
do. I'd have to go to HR five times. Five times.
I'd have to say, I had to pray the rosemary like
17 times. What is it they do in Catholicism?
Rosary. The rosary, not the rosemary. Come on.
Oh, fuck. Yeah, my wife puts rosemary in everything,
and I'm like, I'm not a huge fan of rosemary,
but the rosary makes more sense. For sure. For
sure. holy guacamole, heaven's the Betsy, Jesus,
Mary, and Josephine, geez, gee willikers, geez
Louise, get down, sat on a bench, bucket, which
I guess means forget. Dillweed, Sam Hill, Hot
Dog for Pete's sake, Jumpin' Jehoshaphat, Shut
the Front Door, Friggin' Nutcracker, Son of a
Biscuit, Curses Fooey for Crying Out Loud. Burke
is short for Berkeley Hunt. I don't know what
that even means. It's not even relevant anymore
in today's society. It doesn't matter. Berkeley
Hunt is Cockney Rhyming Slam for Cunt because
you can't expect to listen to a nice ass -ish
podcast about minced oats and not hear the word
cunt. It's going to be a thing. Going to be a
thing. And apparently Burke is also, yeah, Berkeley
Hunt, which we talked about. We just said it.
We just said it. We don't have to repeat it.
But we will because we mark all of our episodes
explicit because we're smoking tobacco. But sometimes
we say fuck. And sometimes we also say cunt.
And that's okay. Where are you at in your cigar,
Mike? I am done. How about you? I'm about there.
But if you're done, I'm done. What did you think
about the cigar, Mike? Which is a minced oath
for cigar. For cigar. You know what? I thought
it was fine. It was not better than the regular
Toro, in my opinion. I just gave it a three,
and I saw you just gave it a three. And that's
about fair. I think that's fair. Yeah, it's fair.
It's perfectly adequate. I would smoke it again.
I wouldn't go out of my way to smoke it again.
But it is a perfectly adequate cigar for what
it is. No more and no less. Yeah, and the label
is great. The label is great, but what are you
going to do? What are you going to do? They would
have benefited from less label and more blending
for sure. Yeah, I feel like I like the other
one better, but I guess let me look. Yeah, they're
both about equal. We gave both of the Schizotoros,
the Maduro and the regular, or the non -Maduro,
we gave them both a three. So I think they're
both, they're fair enough. Yeah, it's perfectly
adequate. Similar to the other one, this is more
of a smoke it outside on the porch, you know,
do some grilling, do some mowing the lawn, do
some golfing, whatever your jam is. Whatever
you do. Yeah. Yeah. So. Check it out if you want.
Don't if you don't. Mince your oaths. I'd prefer
you don't. Just person up and say the fucking
curses you want to fucking say. Unless you're
at work and I'm not a lawyer and blah, blah,
blah, all that jazz. But if you're upset enough,
just say what you want to say. Just say it. Just
do it. Nobody's ever said, oh my God, he said
blimey instead of fucking fuck off, you motherfucker.
Nobody's ever respected the person that's done
the minced oath instead of the real thing. No.
Well, we're in a particular subculture in this
region to where we have the tendency to look
down on people who used minced oaths instead
of just saying what they feel. I view it as being
mealy -mouthed and weaselly and weak. And I don't
respect it. And ass kisser. And I don't. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like. the weaselly church churchy
person who is that's never a trustworthy individual
no at least not where i live so maybe it is where
you live mileage may vary and if so kudos but
otherwise thanks for listening don't mince your
oaths and just fucking say it how you want it
and we'll catch you next week be safe have fun