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Welcome to Nice Ashes, I'm Mike.

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And I'm Nate.

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What are we smoking, Mike?

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We are smoking a CAO Consigliere.

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Fancy.

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Very fancy.

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And it is a large robusto, I would say, which is, you know, pretty typical size for our

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show.

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And Mike's been wanting to smoke this one for quite some time.

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We've had a couple instances where we thought we were going to be recording an episode and

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it's always been this one that he has talked about.

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So I think he's been fairly excited.

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But before Mike asks, I'm pairing this cigar with a Hop Valley Stashadelica IPA.

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Nice.

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I'm pairing mine with four roses, small batch in a glass with nothing in it, just whiskey.

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And then I'm gonna have a whiskey sour as a backer.

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This is quite spicy.

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Well it should be spicy.

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It's supposed to be like a mobster cigar, right?

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I mean, I guess.

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That's the idea.

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All right, let me light up here.

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Wow, that is quite, quite spicy.

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I like it.

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I was not prepared at all for the amount of spice coming from it, but it's very tasty.

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It's very good.

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Very spicy.

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Yeah, very spicy.

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This is the spiciest one I've ever had.

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Well, that Hoya that we had was spicy.

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This is spicy.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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At the start, this is spicier.

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This is almost like breathtaking.

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Yeah.

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Well, at the end, the Hoya kind of increased in spices that went along.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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As an afterthought, I really liked that cigar.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, it was great.

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If this keeps increasing, this might be our last episode ever because we'll be dead.

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My goodness.

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My goodness.

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Just so everybody knows, if you hear some noises like that, I'm mixing a drink.

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Yes.

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I thought we'd talk about consent, Mike.

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Consent.

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Okay.

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Yes.

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Well, and I know what you're thinking.

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Well, I don't know, but I might know what some people might be thinking is, it's the

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sexy time all the time.

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Here we go.

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But there's a new trend, especially within parenting where... One, when your children's

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grandparents or aunts and uncles and stuff come and visit, they always want hugs.

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Some of them, sometimes grandmas or grandmas are like, give me a kiss, do this and that.

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We've made clear to our kids that they're not expected to or required to do those things

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to family or friends or anybody, really.

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But we have this other friends that have kids and their kids always ask our kids if they

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can hug them and stuff.

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So I guess that's kind of what spawned this is just me thinking about it and asking consent

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before you hug somebody, asking consent before maybe you touch somebody's shoulder.

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Is that taking away from some of the spontaneous first kiss experiences or first hug experiences

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or is it not?

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Is it really more giving those things more weight and more value?

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But I thought we'd go through some of the consent stuff just so that we know.

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I did quite a bit of research on this, not as much as the circumcision, but the circumcision

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one started out longer and got a little shorter and this one was always the same length.

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Interestingly enough, I will have something to say about this because I just completed

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a course called SafeSport.

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This wasn't around when we were kids, but if you are involved in any activity that has

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an organized activity and it has children involved, you have to become SafeSport certified

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and do a background check nowadays, which is probably a good idea.

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They should do that for Catholic priests.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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I was going to say Boy Scout leaders.

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Hey, you leave Scoutmaster John out of this.

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Oh my.

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My Scoutmaster was one of the kids' dad.

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They were all the people there were like the parents.

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That's typically how it goes.

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That doesn't mean they're free from being abusers though.

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No, that's very, very true.

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Used by people they know.

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That is very true.

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Real quick cigar note before we dive head first into consent with your consent, of course,

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Mike.

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I've got a little bit of a loose leaf on the end of the wrapper here on the cigar.

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Really?

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Mine is... How did you cut it?

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I just did one V cut and it's a little bit of a loose leaf on the end where I smoke from

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is raised up a little bit, but it's not drastic.

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It's just we talk about some of these things sometimes.

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I don't think it's a big deal.

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Oh, sure.

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Mine's perfectly good so far.

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I can see that maybe the cap will come off though.

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We're going to see.

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Now that you say it, I'm looking and it's like, yeah, there's maybe.

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The taste is still good.

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The taste is good.

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I know we're only a few puffs in, but the spice has drastically diminished.

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Yes, still very spicy though.

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Still very good though and still spicy, but I just will say it's no longer overpowering.

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Yes.

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So with this consent, I broke it down as we do on these episodes because we have to find

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some way to talk about things that make sense.

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We can't just word vomit to you.

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I use a variety of sources, not as many as the circumcision episode, but a handful or

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more.

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I figured we'd start with types of consent and I found basically the four main kinds

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of consent, types of consent.

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Okay.

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Consent is not necessarily related strictly to sex stuff.

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Okay.

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This is just consent in general.

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Right.

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We're going to kind of work our way through some of these things.

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Some of them will be with sex.

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Some of them will be with like the medical care.

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Some of them will be everyday stuff.

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Some will be, it's kind of all over the board because consent is, is or should be everywhere.

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Right?

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Well, in an ideal world, yes.

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But unfortunately, because of certain fascist influences, a lot of times you're giving consent

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before you even enter the situation.

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So you don't really have a choice in most situations.

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You've already given consent by being married.

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Well, and we're going to talk about how to revoke consent as well.

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Oh, is this like sovereign citizen land?

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And how to respond to revoked consent.

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And the answer to all of those things is send Mike or I $5 in the mail.

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We'll send you a special consent stamp.

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Yes.

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And it has to be signed by you with your name and all capital letters.

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Yes.

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But your zip code has to be in brackets.

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Very important.

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I can tell you how not carrots, not carrots, brackets, and not the wavy ones either.

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No parentheses.

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We have to be very careful.

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That's right.

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And quotations.

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Those are right out.

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Okay.

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So the four, the four types of consent, I'm going to, I'm going to list them out and then

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I'll go back through and kind of explain what each one is.

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So we've got implied consent.

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We've got express consent.

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We have informed consent and unanimous consent.

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How many of these have you heard of Mike?

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I've heard those terms thrown around all of them.

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I think.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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They, they're usually bandied about in the latest Disney Pixar movie, but no, I'm just

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kidding.

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Actually their latest one was elemental.

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Very good.

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I quite like it.

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You did like it.

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Sarah watched it, but I did not.

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Okay.

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I watched a little bit of it, a little bit of it.

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I didn't like it the first time I saw it, but then I watched it again and I liked it a lot

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more.

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So it kind of grew on me.

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I'm going to start with implied consent.

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It is implicit, not explicit consent.

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And it's presented by an individual's actions or the situation.

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So for example, physical contact in a hockey game, you don't ask somebody if it's okay

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to check them into the boards before you check them into the boards, right?

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The act of being there and playing and being a participant in that game gives implied consent

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to be hit football, right?

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Right.

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Baseball.

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You don't go to the bar and get upset because other people are drinking alcohol.

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Yeah.

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Yep.

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Bowling might be a little different because there's not really any touching in bowling.

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You can correct me if I'm wrong, but I figured if I mentioned bowling first, it will save

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us later.

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Usually no physical contact.

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I have made physical contact with people before that.

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So that's how we met.

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You kept saying I was across the line and across the line and I didn't see the line.

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Anyway.

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And then also like a person unconscious at a car accident would also be kind of like

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implied consent if they're injured.

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So and I know like the good Samaritan laws have been kind of like under fire of late

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where people are claiming that giving CPR is like battery or some of these life-saving

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things and people are concerned about, well, if I find somebody that needs CPR, can I or

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can't I give it to them?

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We're not lawyers.

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I don't know.

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I'm just saying we're not lawyers, but I can tell you that in my personal life, when it

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comes anywhere near what is my career field, I generally avoid helping people because I

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do not want the liability associated with that.

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Yes.

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Right.

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I think I told you a very specific instance last week off of off of the show that I was

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like, no way am I stopping and helping this person right now.

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And really I think in a lot of circumstances, and again, I'm not a lawyer and I'm not a

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medical professional, but in a lot of circumstances calling 911 is much, much better for aid,

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especially because you don't know what kind of tools or like life-saving devices might

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be required.

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You don't know if they're infected with something or whatever.

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I mean, if you've seen 28 days later, all it takes is one drop of saliva and bam, you're

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a zombie.

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So you know what I mean?

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Exactly.

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One drop of bath salts and you're a zombie.

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Florida, how we love you.

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So implied consent also is predicated on a person's silence or non-response.

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That doesn't mean that if you say, hey, I want to like do stuff with you, then, and

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if they don't say anything, that it's a clear go.

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But you know, the silence or non-response would be if you come across somebody unresponsive

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on a hiking path, there's no cell reception or something.

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And it's down to say, well, do I save this person's life or do I not?

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Or do I attempt to or do I not?

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It's kind of implied consent.

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Again, we're not lawyers, so please check your local jurisdictions or whatever your

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own morality or comfort level with liability might be.

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Right.

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And one of the biggest things with liability, when's the last time you took CPR first aid,

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Nate?

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I took it probably 2009, 2010 ish.

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OK, so I've taken it every two years since probably 04, something like that, because

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it's a three year certification and I've taken it every two years because I've always had

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a job that required it and they want you more up to date.

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And the biggest thing is you cannot exceed your level of official training to be covered

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by the Good Samaritan law.

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That's the biggest thing.

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So if you're not trained on like how to put a tourniquet on, don't be putting a tourniquet

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on.

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Yeah.

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More or less express consent is what we mostly think of is unmistakably stated.

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It's not implied.

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It's usually given in writing or speech or sometimes non verbally, as long as it's a

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clear gesture such as a nod.

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Right.

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Or whatever it is in your culture.

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Not every culture nodding isn't necessarily universal thing.

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But the caveat or the thing to be aware of is nonwritten express consent not not witnessed

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by a person or audio or video could be disputed if the party then later decides that it was

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not given, which is why.

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What was the Europe you were saying?

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A lot of men are recording women saying yes, that they want to have sex.

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Yeah, that's a trend.

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That's a trend.

254
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,240
Yeah, I don't know if I don't think it's in Europe.

255
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:16,120
I think it's a trend generally, especially culture, which I never was a part of.

256
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,320
But that's pretty scary world.

257
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,320
Hookup culture.

258
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,320
Oh, yeah.

259
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,320
Yeah.

260
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,600
Like the Tinder and the and the grinder and whatever else there is out there.

261
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,600
Yeah.

262
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,840
The lipstick lesbian dating app, whatever that exactly.

263
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:29,840
Yeah.

264
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,240
So yeah, so that's express consent.

265
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,000
It's basically when people say consent, I think it's usually what people think of like,

266
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,560
hey, do you want to hug?

267
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,560
Yeah, bro.

268
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:38,560
Sure.

269
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:39,560
Like that's express consent.

270
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,040
Like consent would be, hey, bro, do you want to hug?

271
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,560
And then the other person goes in for a hug.

272
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:44,960
I mean, that's kind of like implied.

273
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:45,960
Right.

274
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,120
So informed consent.

275
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,700
That is usually medical.

276
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:54,120
It's used for medical context and social scientific research and stuff like that.

277
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,240
But it's consent given by a person who has a clear appreciation and understanding of

278
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,560
the facts, implications and future consequences of an action.

279
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:06,720
I did come across a lawsuit in Minnesota here where apparently there's a woman who talked

280
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:13,200
to their doctor, was going to have surgery on their left ear, went under anesthesiology.

281
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,560
Once under the doctor realized that the right ear was in a worse shape than the left ear.

282
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,440
I don't know what the condition was.

283
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:23,400
Operated instead on the right ear, not the left ear, and then was charged with battery

284
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:24,400
afterwards.

285
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,200
And I believe lost the case because that was completely against the informed consent.

286
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,200
I can believe that.

287
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:34,400
I mean, it's shitty that we live in a very litigious society at times.

288
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:39,880
But you just have to remember that you have to stop when it's time to stop.

289
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,160
And it's not your responsibility to go any further.

290
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,880
In fact, it's exactly the opposite of that.

291
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:46,880
Right.

292
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:47,880
Yes.

293
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,720
Well, in that case, it's do the left ear, like you said, then say, hey, the right ear

294
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:51,720
is way worse.

295
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,440
We got to get that next.

296
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:57,800
Like once they're out of surgery and they're not groggy from the drugs anymore and all

297
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:58,800
that stuff.

298
00:13:58,800 --> 00:13:59,800
Right.

299
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,600
And a lot of people like to say, because this is a huge media spin, right?

300
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:06,360
It's a McDonald's coffee lady and everyone says, oh, she didn't know coffee was hot,

301
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:11,280
but the coffee was so hot she had like third degree burns on her groin region.

302
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,480
So that's not, oh, I didn't understand the coffee was hot.

303
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,040
That's the coffee was hotter than coffee needs to be ever.

304
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,040
Right.

305
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:22,000
I mean, when you brew coffee, it's supposed to be just below the boiling point as it hits

306
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,960
the grounds and then it goes into the carafe and it cools down.

307
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:31,360
And by the time theoretically, if you're making it correctly, by the time that it gets served,

308
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:36,600
it should no longer be capable of damaging your skin, possibly your mouth, but not your

309
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,600
skin.

310
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:38,600
Yes.

311
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:39,600
You can almost drink it right out of the craft.

312
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:43,920
I mean, it's a little hot, but it should be hot enough that you let it cool down a little

313
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,560
bit and then you're fine.

314
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,560
Right.

315
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:52,800
But implied consent can also pertain to non-medical things such as sex where the other partner

316
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:57,840
needs to be made aware of any positive statuses like for sexually transmitted infections or

317
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,160
diseases that they might be exposed to.

318
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,160
Yes.

319
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:06,120
So that's another little wrinkle in the express informed consent, at least with sex, because

320
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:09,840
if you are positive or something and you don't tell the other person, then you didn't get

321
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,320
that informed consent.

322
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:16,720
Wasn't Charlie Sheen having women sign waivers to have sex with him after he was HIV positive?

323
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,160
I heard a story like that.

324
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,160
That does not surprise me if that were true.

325
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,000
It would not surprise me at all.

326
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,000
All right.

327
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,120
And then unanimous consent is where this is really the only time we're going to talk about

328
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,680
this.

329
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:31,120
Sometimes it's called general consent, but it's by a group of several parties, like an

330
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,860
association or something, sometimes in the government.

331
00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:35,840
It's consent given by all parties.

332
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:40,420
So it's like a procedural act where no member present or no member presents an objection.

333
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:45,840
So it's not necessarily that everybody voices the affirmative, but nobody opposes.

334
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:46,840
Right.

335
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,080
It's like at a meeting with Robert's rules.

336
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,080
Yes.

337
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,080
All right.

338
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:56,960
And then I went down to what is consent and oh, so all that first stuff was all from Wikipedia.

339
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,880
So just just pulling consent from Wikipedia.

340
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:05,800
There were a lot of sexual violence sites that I ended up finding as well.

341
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,480
And there was one that was really, I thought, really nice.

342
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,360
It didn't have a whole lot of super duper information on the at least the article that

343
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,520
I found on there, but it had a big pop up when I got there and it said this site can

344
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:20,840
be quickly X'd out by clicking this X over here and it would like send you I don't know

345
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,100
if it would close that tab or if it would go to Google or something.

346
00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:27,340
But that was for like people in an abusive relationship, if they're trying to look up

347
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:31,920
resources, this website had a like a kill switch built in so they wouldn't be found

348
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,560
to be researching their abuser.

349
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,560
You know what I mean?

350
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,560
Oh, sure.

351
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,560
That's pretty wise.

352
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,920
I thought that was, I thought that was pretty handy.

353
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,800
So this one's just kind of going through.

354
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,960
There was, there was one other called like everyday consent.

355
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,300
So we've got like sexual consent and form consent, everyday consent.

356
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:52,660
These are similar in like the first four that we talked about, but I think these are more

357
00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:58,040
situationally specific in terms of when to ask for these consents instead of like what

358
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,840
the consent you're getting back is, right?

359
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,640
Whether it's implicit, explicit or express.

360
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:08,280
So basically we talked about kind of sexual consent a little bit, informed consent.

361
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,480
That's mostly the medical thing.

362
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:15,200
And then everyday consent that is about choosing to respect personal and emotional boundaries.

363
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:20,760
So you practice consent in everyday situations, especially before like hugging, tickling or

364
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:21,760
other kinds of touch.

365
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:26,840
So you can ask sincerely and then you want to ask in a way that lets the other party

366
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:27,840
know.

367
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,440
It's okay to say no, because I feel like, I don't know if it's like leading the witness

368
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,960
or like intimidating the other party, but if you ask in such a way where they think

369
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,560
it'll be worse to say no, that's not really consent.

370
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:39,560
You know what I mean?

371
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,560
Right.

372
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:45,080
Also for people who have experienced sexual abuse, any unexpected touch can be scary and

373
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,080
traumatic.

374
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:51,440
And this is true for some of the other things like I believe Asperger's and some other

375
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:59,720
conditions where touch is like you need to pre warn people, which I guess I didn't really

376
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:04,160
think about it in those terms because usually when people think of consent, at least in

377
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:08,140
I guess the general population or when they talk about consent on news reports and things,

378
00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:12,120
it's usually like sexual consent and has nothing to do with this person might freak out or

379
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,720
have a bad experience with a non-consensual touch.

380
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,720
Yeah.

381
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,400
In general, I agree with that.

382
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:23,260
And I think we've talked about this, but a lot of the conscious or conscientiousness

383
00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:29,280
that we're raising about consent as a culture, I think is a result of online dating and people's,

384
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:34,320
I don't want to call irresponsible behavior, but it's risky behavior that they're engaging

385
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:40,480
in meeting random strangers for dates and things like that.

386
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:41,480
You know?

387
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,040
Well, you know, yeah.

388
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:48,320
Meeting random people in random locations that don't have protections built in place,

389
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,320
you know what I mean?

390
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,120
Like that stuff is, I mean, there's a safe way to do everything.

391
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:56,400
And I really like a date is meeting somebody you've never met before, or you haven't like

392
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,040
been in that setting with before, right?

393
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,680
And everybody's different at work and everybody's different at home and everybody's different

394
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,760
on a date and everyone's different, you know.

395
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:04,760
Right.

396
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,840
But I think that the danger level definitely increases when it's somebody that you don't

397
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:09,840
know socially.

398
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:14,720
You know that the majority of rapes happen by people that you know, right?

399
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:15,720
That is true.

400
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:22,520
But also it's got to be, it's inherently dangerous to go on a date alone with somebody that you

401
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:23,520
don't know.

402
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:27,480
Well, so, I mean, let's just put this in perspective and I don't know the stats on this.

403
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,240
So this is not, this is just a thought experiment.

404
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,040
Let's say the majority of rapes happen by somebody you know.

405
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,120
Well, 51% is a majority.

406
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:38,140
So that means 49% could happen by people you don't know.

407
00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:42,280
So just by saying it's a majority doesn't mean that it never happens by the other subset,

408
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,280
right?

409
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:44,280
Right.

410
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:48,560
And while the majority of rapes happen in like teenage to college age population, you

411
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,560
know?

412
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:50,560
Yeah.

413
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,920
So there's definitely an element of the party atmosphere involved, I'm sure.

414
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:59,280
You know, it's been a long time since I looked up the stats, so I'm not 100% certain about

415
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,280
it.

416
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,280
Yeah.

417
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:05,120
And I didn't want to get too deep into the stats on this one.

418
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,840
But just continuing on with the everyday consent.

419
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:11,500
There's another one here with the everyday consent, which is kind of respecting privacy.

420
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:13,180
So it's not always just about touching.

421
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:15,680
So you know, everyone has boundaries.

422
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,240
Some people like to keep things private and other people are like an open book.

423
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,960
So this is just saying if somebody shares personal information with you, ask what their

424
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,160
boundaries are with sharing that with other people.

425
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,160
Right.

426
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,160
Basically, don't be a gossip is kind of the thing.

427
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,080
Like most of this stuff is don't be a giant asshole, I guess.

428
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,780
But oh, for the most part, it's just most people are most people.

429
00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:39,120
Most people are not assholes openly, but there's a significant minority that are.

430
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,340
So yeah, and there's a lot that are assholes behind their back because they're trying to

431
00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:47,080
curry favor for somebody else by sharing some juicy tidbit, not necessarily trying to actively

432
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,560
be an asshole to you.

433
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:49,880
They're just being a passive asshole.

434
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,880
Right.

435
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,800
I mean, we all know people that the instant somebody leaves the room, they're talking

436
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,960
shit, you know, about every person.

437
00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,960
So yeah, yeah, I usually let people know like most things that get shared with me unless

438
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:06,860
you unless you explicitly ask me to not, I will share it with my wife, just not like

439
00:21:06,860 --> 00:21:08,820
run to her and be like, Hey, guess what?

440
00:21:08,820 --> 00:21:09,920
Someone just told me.

441
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:13,880
But if you're a friend and I genuinely care about you, and you share something with me

442
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,080
that's like troubling you, then it also kind of troubles me.

443
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,880
And then I share it with Sarah because she helps me out with a lot of that stuff because

444
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,760
she's a lot more emotionally intelligent than I am, I guess.

445
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:24,760
I certainly don't.

446
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:25,760
I don't do things.

447
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,360
Yeah, I don't share things that people say, please don't share this with your wife.

448
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:30,360
I don't share that.

449
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:33,280
I usually just say, Hey, like, don't you know, they'll say, don't tell anyone.

450
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,000
I'm like, Yeah, I usually tell my wife everything.

451
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,840
If you don't want me to, I don't have to.

452
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:37,840
That's not a big deal.

453
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,600
It's just, you know, we're usually on the same page and I don't I don't keep things

454
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:41,600
from her.

455
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,400
So I think most marriages are like that.

456
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:44,400
They should be.

457
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:45,400
They should be.

458
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,680
I'm not telling other people what they should or shouldn't do.

459
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:48,680
But yeah, yeah.

460
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:49,680
Yeah.

461
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,440
But you should bowl the right way even at open bowling with little kids.

462
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:58,240
Oh, dude, I came unglued yesterday.

463
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,280
That's probably if we have time for the end, you can tell us how you came unglued.

464
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:02,280
All right.

465
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,280
I definitely will.

466
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:05,280
Okay.

467
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:09,080
And then the last one here for everyday consent is ask permission.

468
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:14,600
So just like we have boundaries on touch and different levels of sharing things.

469
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,360
And we're talking about like telling people things.

470
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,820
The other thing is photos.

471
00:22:19,820 --> 00:22:26,600
So I usually try to never take photos of my kids with somebody else's kids, unless they've

472
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,200
told me that it's okay to take those photos.

473
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:35,040
And I don't share really a whole lot of photos of even my kids online at all.

474
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,400
There's like a couple out there.

475
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,400
But sure.

476
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:38,400
Yeah.

477
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,880
This is just saying like always ask before posting or taking photos of somebody on social

478
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:41,880
media.

479
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,140
And the problem are the and this isn't just strictly with kids.

480
00:22:45,140 --> 00:22:47,760
This is with people who are in abusive relationships.

481
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:53,680
If you share a photo, let's say with Facebook, and you didn't scrub the data, Facebook knows

482
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,560
where that photo was taken.

483
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,880
If it was taken with a phone or a Wi Fi connected device, like it knows where that photo was

484
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:00,880
taken.

485
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,440
And we were talking about this and we were talking about like doxing people and like

486
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:10,080
you can you can stitch together things in photos to figure out where it was taken.

487
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:14,080
So depending on the circumstances or whatever it was at a park and you took a picture of

488
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,400
somebody, they know where that park is.

489
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:19,160
And then that park might be within walking distance of that person's home or that person's

490
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:20,160
whatever.

491
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,920
It might be a subway ride away or it might be so you know, there's that and the privacy

492
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:24,920
thing.

493
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,280
It's like a double edged thing, right?

494
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,140
This is an aside twice.

495
00:23:29,140 --> 00:23:30,140
But it's related.

496
00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:36,840
I feel like people our age who were Internet 1.0 users and we saw the dawn of social media

497
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,960
after we became adults.

498
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:43,540
I mean, social media really became a thing when I was in college, maybe late high school,

499
00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:46,600
but I didn't have a social media account until I was in college.

500
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,760
And I had a Facebook when I was only college people.

501
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:49,760
Right.

502
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:50,760
Yeah, me too.

503
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:56,240
And I was very aware that I do not want to take pictures or be in pictures that were

504
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,840
showing me doing things that I should not be doing.

505
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,520
Number one, and all places where I should not be.

506
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:02,520
Right.

507
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,520
Right.

508
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:04,520
Yeah, sure.

509
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,840
The very simple here in college really, but I didn't do all that stuff I should be doing.

510
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,720
I was very aware, you know, like I knew I shouldn't have a picture with a beer can in

511
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,800
it when I'm 19 years old.

512
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:14,800
Right.

513
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,960
Like that's unwise.

514
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:22,800
It's unwise, but like at that, I think at that time, like the Internet was so new that

515
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,840
a lot of people didn't know what to do with it.

516
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,560
And by a lot of people, I mean kind of like law enforcement and stuff.

517
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,720
I mean, if you remember like LimeWire and Napster.

518
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,080
Oh yeah, of course.

519
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,240
Like it was, it was like the wild west.

520
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,320
So I don't know.

521
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,200
I probably, I don't know.

522
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:42,280
I don't think I have any pictures of me very explicitly underage drinking.

523
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:43,280
I don't, I don't.

524
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:48,360
I have, I have pictures where I'm having fun at like other people's parties and stuff.

525
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:53,680
But after college, my amount of posts like dropped significantly.

526
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:58,520
And so now I have friends, I have one friend that will message me every once in a while.

527
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,480
He's like, Hey, I haven't seen you post for a long time.

528
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:01,480
Are you okay?

529
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,480
How's everything going?

530
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,960
And I'm like, yeah, I just don't post a whole lot because I don't really like, I don't have

531
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:07,960
that.

532
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:08,960
You know what I mean?

533
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,680
Like that's not one of my social validations in my life kind of thing.

534
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:13,680
Right.

535
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,920
I have not posted anything in, I don't know.

536
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:21,000
I would have to look at Facebook to see the last post.

537
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:25,680
I famously told you a story about Facebook and something that I had to do and I didn't

538
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:26,680
even know how to do it.

539
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,520
So Sarah had to do it for me because I just don't use it.

540
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,280
I don't have a Twitter.

541
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,400
I don't have an Instagram.

542
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:38,300
I, I don't know any other social media platforms off the top of my head, but I don't use social

543
00:25:38,300 --> 00:25:40,600
media at all for any reason.

544
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:41,600
Yeah.

545
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:44,400
Well, I mean like even, even YouTube is social media.

546
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,400
Right.

547
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,760
And I do YouTube and I do comments and I love reading comments and getting into flame wars

548
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,320
like it's, you know, 2006 or something.

549
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:53,840
And that's fine, I guess.

550
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:54,840
Yeah.

551
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:59,240
So this last section was from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center with respect

552
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:04,320
to privacy, consent with touching and asking permission for sharing photos and things online.

553
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,360
And even to the extent of, even if it's not a picture, like, Hey, I want to post a status

554
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,200
that we're hanging out having lunch.

555
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:14,880
You know, if you're going to tag somebody else, you know, it's worth getting consent.

556
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:15,880
Right.

557
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:19,760
My Sarah takes me all the time, but I think she's the only one, my mother, maybe.

558
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:20,760
Maybe.

559
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:21,760
Yeah.

560
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:22,760
We're friends on Facebook, aren't we?

561
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:23,760
Who?

562
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:24,760
Your mom and you?

563
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:25,760
Yeah.

564
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:26,760
You and you and I, you and I, we're friends on Facebook.

565
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:27,760
You and I are friends on Facebook.

566
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:29,480
Your mom and I are not friends on Facebook.

567
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,480
Right.

568
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,480
Yeah.

569
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:32,480
I'm guessing that, but.

570
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,120
Although we could be now because, you know, I spent some time with her a couple of weekends

571
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:41,200
ago with you and your dad, so not in an untoward way.

572
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,560
Anyway.

573
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,780
And then so sexual consent, there's three pillars of sexual consent.

574
00:26:45,780 --> 00:26:49,840
So we're kind of like, there's four main types of consent you can receive back from somebody.

575
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,480
There's three areas where you should be asking consent.

576
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,300
And then there's three pillars of sexual consent.

577
00:26:55,300 --> 00:27:00,880
This says, the way we let others know what we're up for, be it a good night kiss or the

578
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,480
moments leading up to sex.

579
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:07,440
It's just, that's the, it's all in the same font, but that's the font that I feel like

580
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,000
if it were red, that would be how it would be read.

581
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,000
Right.

582
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,760
The moments leading up to sex.

583
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:13,760
Anyway.

584
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:14,760
Yeah.

585
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:15,760
Bow-chicka bow-wow.

586
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,280
All right.

587
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,920
One is knowing exactly what and how much I'm agreeing to.

588
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:26,920
You express your intent to participate and deciding freely and voluntarily to participate.

589
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:33,320
So to obtain affirmative consent, rather than waiting to say or for a partner to say no,

590
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:34,960
then this is affirmative consent.

591
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,560
One gives and seeks an explicit yes.

592
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:43,440
So the yes can come in the form of a smile, a nod or a verbal yes, as long as it's unambiguous,

593
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,120
enthusiastic and ongoing.

594
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:46,780
And then that's from Wikipedia.

595
00:27:46,780 --> 00:27:50,760
So this newer affirmative consent is called enthusiastic consent.

596
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,320
Enthusiastic consent means looking for the presence of a yes rather than the absence

597
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:55,320
of a no.

598
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:59,580
So it's not saying you're not giving them the opportunity to say no, but you're, you're

599
00:27:59,580 --> 00:28:07,560
trying to get them to agree enthusiastically with a yes, a nod, a smile instead of kind

600
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,240
of like that awkward thing like, well, they didn't say no.

601
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,000
So I guess we're doing butt stuff.

602
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,000
Right.

603
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:18,120
I would say that in long-term committed relationships, there's not a lot of affirmative yeses.

604
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,120
I don't know.

605
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,640
You know, it's like implied consent rules the day.

606
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:26,880
I think, well, okay, then is, is an enthusiastic consent.

607
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,800
Right.

608
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:30,800
Right.

609
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,000
There's a certain level of implied consent.

610
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:39,080
So I think it's a tricky line because just because you're married doesn't mean you have

611
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:40,860
a blanket consent.

612
00:28:40,860 --> 00:28:41,860
Absolutely not.

613
00:28:41,860 --> 00:28:42,860
Absolutely not.

614
00:28:42,860 --> 00:28:45,560
I know, I know, you know, that that's not what you're trying to say or imply.

615
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:51,720
I mean, this is a, this is a, can be a touchy subject or if people say, no, it's not a touchy

616
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,000
subject, it's a respectful distance away subject.

617
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,920
But we want to be very clear on just because you're buried to somebody or just because

618
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:05,040
you're dating somebody does not give you the right to show up randomly and do things.

619
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:06,880
So, right, right.

620
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:11,960
Also this, you're not going to, are you going to address the power dynamics of consent?

621
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:17,720
Cause there's like a certain level of power differential where consent's not even possible.

622
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:18,720
Right.

623
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:23,600
Like for example, an employer and an employee there from a legal perspective, I don't think

624
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,640
there can be consent because of the power differential.

625
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:27,640
You know what I mean?

626
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,160
I didn't look up any power differential.

627
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:35,040
I did come across something where people with cognitive disabilities and how to get, how

628
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:41,120
to not get them to consent, but how to have that conversation about consent with them,

629
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,320
especially if they're of age and all this stuff.

630
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:45,320
Right.

631
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:51,680
But I didn't want to get huge into that because that was more maybe like therapeutic or caregiving.

632
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:52,680
I don't know.

633
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,560
But some of that is with like college athletics too.

634
00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:00,360
Cause like I say, I took the safe sport course and it's for college athletics all the way

635
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:05,040
down to like, you know, grade school athletics, but they had a long course.

636
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:11,120
A portion of the course was about athletes that were adults with their coaches, you know,

637
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:16,760
and there's like a pretty hard rule of like two years past being a coach before any sort

638
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:22,000
of like dating style activity can commence, which makes sense.

639
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:28,440
You know, you're talking, we're talking like 20, you know, 22 year old college senior,

640
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:33,040
you know, that you can't date that person if you're their coach until they're at least

641
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,080
24 or something like that.

642
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:36,080
Yeah.

643
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,280
Past the term of coaching.

644
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:42,000
So I've got a section here about what consent isn't.

645
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,240
So consent is not refusing to acknowledge no.

646
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,980
So just because you didn't say no, doesn't mean you give consent.

647
00:30:48,980 --> 00:30:53,040
Consent is not somebody, a partner who is disengaged, not responsive or visibly upset.

648
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:58,200
So if they're upset and choosing not to talk to you, that does not imply consent.

649
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:02,360
Wearing certain clothes, flirting or kissing is an invitation.

650
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:06,200
Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting or kissing is an invitation for anything more.

651
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:10,760
So just because somebody's kissing you doesn't mean things will progress beyond that point.

652
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:15,760
Just because somebody's flirting doesn't necessarily lead to kissing or doesn't imply that kissing

653
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,000
is next.

654
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:22,720
And certainly wearing certain clothes, which I don't know, there was, I didn't go see it

655
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:28,720
and I don't know if it came here to Minnesota, but there was a installation somewhere where

656
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:33,840
victims of rape and sexual abuse displayed the clothes they were wearing at the time

657
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,840
of the abuse and the rape.

658
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,320
And to make the point that clothes weren't consent.

659
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:41,320
Right.

660
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:45,360
A lot of the clothes weren't even scandalous, which was the point, right?

661
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:46,360
Right.

662
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:47,360
I don't know about that.

663
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,400
That's a very old school defense.

664
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:54,240
I don't know if I've ever heard anybody legitimately make that argument.

665
00:31:54,240 --> 00:32:00,600
I've heard the inverse of like, oh, wearing clothes doesn't give consent, blah, blah,

666
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:01,600
blah.

667
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,720
I've never heard anybody say, oh, well, such and such was doing such and such, so it's

668
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:06,720
okay.

669
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,520
I've never heard that in real life.

670
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:13,240
Maybe it's because I grew up in a liberal area or something.

671
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:14,240
I don't know.

672
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:18,040
I don't know that I've heard it like in real life, at least in any sense that I would take

673
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:21,760
it seriously, but it's certainly a Hollywood trope for sure.

674
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,760
Like, it's a societal trope.

675
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:28,080
Like a bad, bad girl or whatever and stuff.

676
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,840
But all right.

677
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,400
Consent is not someone under the legal age of consent.

678
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:36,000
And I've got a legal age consent thing coming up.

679
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:41,400
Consent is not somebody who's incapacitated because of drugs or alcohol or by pressuring

680
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,480
someone into sexual activity by using fear or intimidation.

681
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:49,840
So you know, and you hear this one a lot and you see this one a lot and man, there was

682
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,880
just a story that came out and I wanted to talk about it and I forgot to add it in here,

683
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:58,160
but it was a, it was some female and I don't remember if she was a teacher.

684
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:02,880
She said she was going to like ride one of the males and stuff.

685
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,080
And she got, she got off.

686
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,320
She didn't get any jail time whatsoever.

687
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,720
That's pretty common, at least in what I've seen, you know, anecdotal, anecdotally.

688
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:15,840
Yeah, and the problem is like the male population keeps that alive and keeps it going and like,

689
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,040
hell yeah, I'd want to be raped by her.

690
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:22,520
And it's like, you don't understand what rape is to say something as dumb as that, you know?

691
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:23,520
Right.

692
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:28,600
I mean, when I was underage, I never had any relationships with anybody who was in a position

693
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:29,600
of authority.

694
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:35,400
So I can't rightly say, but I have met a few guys who have been in that situation.

695
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:42,640
And as they've gotten older, like mid to late twenties, they have turned against that idea.

696
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,560
You know, they, they have come to think of it as inappropriate as they have gotten older

697
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:47,560
and more responsible.

698
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:48,560
Yes.

699
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:54,640
And the last one here, consent is not assuming that you have permission to engage in a sexual

700
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,640
act because you've done it in the past.

701
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,840
So past experience does not give future consent.

702
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:00,840
Right.

703
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:04,640
This is all from the rape abuse incest nation network.

704
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:09,040
So and then I wanted to talk about, so we talked about how to get consent.

705
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,240
We talked about what consent isn't.

706
00:34:10,240 --> 00:34:12,440
We talked about how to give consent.

707
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:16,120
And I wanted to, and I think I'm halfway through the cigar.

708
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:19,360
So before I do this next section, what are our cigar thoughts, Mike?

709
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,400
Well, I am over halfway.

710
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,640
Just so you know, I have probably a quarter left somewhere in there.

711
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:25,640
Okay.

712
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,920
I'm, I'm slightly over halfway, but I'm not quite down to the quarter yet.

713
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:28,920
I don't think.

714
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:29,920
Okay.

715
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,640
The spiciness has really tamed down on my cigar.

716
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:33,840
Still good.

717
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:40,080
Still good, but it's really mellowed out and it's just kind of a rounder, mellow dark.

718
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:41,080
It's dark.

719
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:42,240
There is still some spice.

720
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:46,440
I think, especially if you take a puff and you, and you're looking for it, you can still

721
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:47,580
taste it there.

722
00:34:47,580 --> 00:34:51,240
It's not as prevalent or it's not in the forefront like it was at the very beginning.

723
00:34:51,240 --> 00:34:52,240
Yeah.

724
00:34:52,240 --> 00:34:57,120
It's more of a back note cigar, but it is a back note, which is interesting because this

725
00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:00,760
isn't, I'm not saying like, Oh, this one's only going to be compared to the, the Hoya

726
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:07,040
black, but that one built the spice and this one has, it started out real spicy and it

727
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:14,360
has settled into a really dark and still quite spicy cigar, but it's, it's more nuanced now.

728
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,160
More, I think it's a little more complex.

729
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:20,360
I mean, it's, it's mellower, but there's a lot of different stuff going on here.

730
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:21,640
And I, oh yeah.

731
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,360
Oh, it's, it's a wonderful cigar.

732
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:24,360
Yeah.

733
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:29,200
The, the, the front quarter of the cigar was like that front note of spice was like right

734
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:33,440
in your face and it definitely was accentuated by the whiskey.

735
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:37,480
Like you could, you know, you mellowed out with that sweeter caramel whiskey taste and

736
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:38,720
it would really pop.

737
00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:41,960
So I did have to relight mine.

738
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:46,320
I don't know that that's a cigar fault or just as is the Nate knows episode and I'm

739
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:47,320
talking a lot.

740
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:48,320
Right.

741
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,480
So, all right.

742
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:54,720
So the, the next section here, since we talked about all those other ways of giving and receiving

743
00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:59,840
consent, this is how to respond to a no when asking for consent.

744
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:05,160
If you really want to be consent conscious, you also have to learn to receive and respect

745
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:08,120
people's knows and their maybes, right?

746
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:13,000
Like no used car salesman would still be in business if they didn't learn how to respect

747
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,440
the maybes and then close the deal.

748
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,440
Can I say that?

749
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:23,720
I can say that as a used car salesman, I've never purchased a car from a used car salesman.

750
00:36:23,720 --> 00:36:29,620
We have, but we, the most recent one we purchased was from a dealership down here that does

751
00:36:29,620 --> 00:36:30,880
not do commission.

752
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,220
Oh, okay.

753
00:36:32,220 --> 00:36:35,780
So basically the price is kind of the price.

754
00:36:35,780 --> 00:36:38,800
There's no commission and you can negotiate on the trade in.

755
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,800
Sure.

756
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:40,800
Yeah.

757
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:45,840
The last three vehicles I bought, it was an F 150, a Honda Accord and a Chevrolet S 10.

758
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:49,040
And that was all from the same dealer who's very reputable.

759
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:54,000
And the vehicles sell themselves really when you're talking about those particular, you

760
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,480
know, cars or trucks, like it's not, you're there to buy it.

761
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:58,480
You're not there to.

762
00:36:58,480 --> 00:36:59,480
Well, yeah.

763
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:05,360
If you're an informed consumer, like the product sells itself regardless of if it's a car or

764
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,000
like a cigar cutter, right?

765
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:11,600
If you've done your research, you don't need somebody to sell you on it.

766
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:12,600
Right.

767
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:13,600
Necessarily.

768
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:18,280
If it's a difference between like models of the similar thing, do I need the extended

769
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,520
cab or the extended bed or need both or whatever?

770
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,320
I don't even know some of these car terms, but like that's where you might talk to a

771
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,920
salesperson or you might like, if you trust a salesperson, like here's what I'm going

772
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:28,920
to use it for.

773
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:30,400
Which one of these two should I get?

774
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:31,400
Right.

775
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,560
And well, done the research online before that.

776
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:37,560
So yeah, typically, well, like to say the last three times I bought a car.

777
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,040
Well, that's not true because I bought a Kia Soul as well.

778
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:42,840
We went there to buy that vehicle.

779
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:43,840
Yes.

780
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:48,120
And we just want to test drive it and see the service record on the one or the two that

781
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:49,120
were used.

782
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:50,720
Two of them were new and two of them were used.

783
00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:51,720
So yeah.

784
00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:52,720
Yeah.

785
00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:53,720
Yeah.

786
00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:56,320
But yeah, so our reactions to somebody's answer can impact whether they feel comfortable enough

787
00:37:56,320 --> 00:38:00,840
to actually be honest with us and can impact future interactions with the person.

788
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:02,880
So we don't want to be angry.

789
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:03,880
We don't want to appear hurt.

790
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:08,160
And we don't even want to really show disappointment, even if it's something that we wanted, because

791
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:11,920
we want to create that environment where they can say what they feel.

792
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,160
And I think that's just like, that's kind of like people in 101, right?

793
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:18,320
Like you don't, not everybody's going to like Brussels sprouts.

794
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:23,640
So you know, or not everybody likes medium rare steaks.

795
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,200
Not everybody likes whatever.

796
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,880
I mean, you know, we can, you can, you can remove it as far as you need to from like

797
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:33,320
sex things to kind of get the understanding of it.

798
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:37,320
Before this episode, I made dinner for myself and for Sarah.

799
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,280
And when I started preparing her dinner, I'm like, I'm going to make this.

800
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:41,280
Are you okay with that?

801
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:42,280
And she's like, yes.

802
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:47,160
And I'm like, do you want this and that and ask some details about how she wanted it prepared?

803
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:51,480
And that's what she had then, you know, I, yeah, it's the same thing.

804
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,400
You know, like if you're like, well, you want it, you want it rare, right?

805
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:55,680
You want this steak rare, right?

806
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,560
Like that's not the right way to ask for consent.

807
00:38:58,560 --> 00:38:59,760
No, yeah.

808
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:03,360
You want the kimchi and eggs with olive oil on top, right?

809
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,200
Like, yeah.

810
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:10,600
So we want, we want to be able, we want, we want whoever we're asking for consent for

811
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,640
to feel comfortable giving the true answer.

812
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:20,520
And one, that's just the right thing to do and the right environment to create with your

813
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,160
friends, loved ones, what have you.

814
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:31,920
And two, it can prevent future liability as it were by them then rescinding or them feeling

815
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:36,600
that they were pressured into giving consent when they didn't want to in the first place.

816
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:37,600
Right.

817
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:42,160
And I don't want to think about our feelings as being rejected because you're not really

818
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,760
entitled to a yes to begin with.

819
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:45,760
You know what I mean?

820
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:46,760
Right.

821
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,800
And we talked about this on the Barbie episode, like Ken is not entitled to Barbie's affections

822
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:51,640
just because that's what he was made for.

823
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:52,640
Absolutely.

824
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:56,640
And his desk here, it can be even helpful a practice responses to receiving a no.

825
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,160
The first one here is thanks a lot and fuck you.

826
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,160
No, I'm kidding.

827
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:01,160
That's not the first one.

828
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,880
The first one is, the first one is thanks for being honest.

829
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:06,320
The second one is, okay, cool.

830
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,460
And then the third suggestion here is awesome.

831
00:40:09,460 --> 00:40:10,660
Thank you for setting a boundary.

832
00:40:10,660 --> 00:40:14,800
So you don't have to sound as cheesy as I do reading these off, but you know, like figure

833
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,080
out what you would say if somebody says, no, I don't want to do that.

834
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:18,080
Be like, hey, that's great.

835
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,400
I just wanted to ask, you know, no, no pressure, no hard feelings, no worries.

836
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,360
I say no worries a lot, like no worries.

837
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:25,360
Right.

838
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:29,680
A lot of times if I'm asking something, I try to give the person an out built into the

839
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,160
question to take any pressure off.

840
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,880
You know, I'm not trying to pressure anybody into doing anything they don't want to do.

841
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:36,880
Yeah.

842
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:41,680
That's in our next, our next learning series, consent 102.

843
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:42,680
Oh, okay.

844
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:46,440
201, what's the, I don't remember how the collegiate courses work.

845
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:47,520
101 is introductory.

846
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:48,520
That's what this is.

847
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:50,000
And then it's 201, isn't it?

848
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,000
Okay.

849
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,000
Then they have 202, 203, 204.

850
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:57,920
They might, I don't, the 100 series is usually just a 101 and then they have the 301, 302,

851
00:40:57,920 --> 00:40:58,920
304.

852
00:40:58,920 --> 00:40:59,920
Yeah.

853
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:00,920
And then four.

854
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:01,920
Yeah.

855
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:07,520
And then consent asking is our next course, which you can pay for and subscribe to right

856
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,520
on our podcast page there.

857
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:10,520
Yes.

858
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,640
So this stuff, how to deal with the nos is from the Anti-Violence Project.

859
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:15,640
All right.

860
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:20,800
And I did find some notes about consent and then, which is good because I think we're,

861
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:25,120
you know, I've got about a page left of notes here and I think that'll match our cigars

862
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:29,000
pretty good and you can tell us how you came unglued bowling, but we're going to do notes

863
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:30,000
on consent first.

864
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,040
Do you have any other advice for how to deal with a no?

865
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:39,080
I mean, some of this sounds like selling, but I work, I do sales enablement.

866
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:44,080
So a lot of it sounds like how to get the sales rep to go back out there and close the

867
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,360
deal, but that's not really what this is.

868
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:49,520
Like this shouldn't be seen as like selling, but a lot of it's kind of the same, like how

869
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:50,520
to deal with rejection.

870
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:56,280
A lot of times, well, so for my job, I deal with a lot of people who would be considered

871
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,280
customers, right?

872
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,760
And from my perspective, I usually don't care what the decision is.

873
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,120
I just need a decision to be made.

874
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:08,040
And if I'm asking, it's because it's not my decision to make.

875
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:12,440
And I try not to get tied to what I want the answer to be.

876
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:16,720
I will give my opinion about what my answer should be, but then I give alternatives that

877
00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:22,440
are equally an option and then I leave it up to them and I just accept it because I

878
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:23,920
don't really care.

879
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:31,120
It doesn't really matter to me as long as a decision is made.

880
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:38,200
Like now it has to be made right now, but I don't care what the answer is really.

881
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:39,920
It all comes to the end.

882
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:45,840
I don't really tie my personal wellbeing or personal happiness or personal level of success

883
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,200
to answers to questions, right?

884
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:51,400
If I want to do something and I say, Hey, let's do this.

885
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:52,400
And somebody's like, no.

886
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:57,720
Well, I might be disappointed for sure, but that doesn't, I don't go and think that I'm

887
00:42:57,720 --> 00:43:01,320
a terrible person and that I should never have asked that or nobody wants to do this

888
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:06,480
thing with me or, you know, like I don't really tie that kind of mental health to those things.

889
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:10,240
It's kind of like you were saying, like, as long as there's a decision made at the end

890
00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:15,840
of the day, if everybody who has to interact with this thing is happy with whatever decision

891
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,440
was made, I don't care because I don't use the thing.

892
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,560
See, I'm way past that.

893
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,080
I don't even care if people are happy or unhappy.

894
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:24,080
Yeah.

895
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:29,360
I usually take, yeah, the decision was made and I usually take meticulous notes.

896
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,280
So if it's ever questioned, I can go back into my logs.

897
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,360
I guess that's my corporate talk.

898
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,400
I haven't quite un-corporatized myself for the day.

899
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:38,400
Right.

900
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:42,320
As long as a decision is made and somebody's solution is out there that somebody somewhere

901
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:46,160
is happy with, whether it's the people that are using it or just some higher up who never,

902
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:47,660
it doesn't even understand what it's about.

903
00:43:47,660 --> 00:43:50,440
As long as somebody says something was done, it's fine with me.

904
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:51,720
I really don't care.

905
00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:52,720
Yeah, exactly.

906
00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:56,520
Like, if it's within my power to make the decision, I will make it alone.

907
00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:02,260
But if it is not, then I'm just going to implement and that is my job and it's not personal.

908
00:44:02,260 --> 00:44:03,600
It's just my job.

909
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:04,600
So all right.

910
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,560
So we're going to these notes about consent.

911
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,920
This is from Indiana University.

912
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:15,480
So this might be right in line with your consent sports or play sports or don't say people

913
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:16,480
are playing sports.

914
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:17,480
Okay.

915
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:18,480
Yeah, safe sport.

916
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:19,480
It's supposed to be, yeah.

917
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:20,480
All right.

918
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:24,700
So consent is an agreement or permission expressed through affirmative voluntary words or actions

919
00:44:24,700 --> 00:44:30,080
that are mutually understandable to all parties to engage in a specific sexual act at a specific

920
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:31,080
time.

921
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,720
So of course, the university would be focused more on the sex things because you've got

922
00:44:33,720 --> 00:44:40,960
a lot of late teenagers who are generally no longer under their parents guidance 24

923
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:41,960
7.

924
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:43,520
And it's a weird time.

925
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,960
Like it really is a really weird time.

926
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,440
Weirder for some than others, I'm sure.

927
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,080
But how about this one?

928
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:55,680
I thought was very interesting to me because this is something that we see a lot of lawsuits

929
00:44:55,680 --> 00:45:02,600
about, but consent can be withdrawn at any time as long as it is clearly communicated.

930
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:08,040
But I think, and that kind of goes back to the how to handle the no or how to handle

931
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:12,660
the stop or how to handle the whatever is you have to, you have to have that environment

932
00:45:12,660 --> 00:45:15,440
where they feel comfortable doing so.

933
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:19,040
Because if I feel and you can correct me if I'm wrong, Mike, I don't know, because I'm

934
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,120
not a lawyer and I'm not any of these things.

935
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:27,740
But if consent can be a smile, then with the drawing consent could be a frown, right?

936
00:45:27,740 --> 00:45:29,640
Like the inverse almost has to be true.

937
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,320
Yeah, I would say so.

938
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:37,360
I mean, yeah, I am not a lawyer and I am not an expert in this topic by any stretch of

939
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:38,740
the imagination.

940
00:45:38,740 --> 00:45:43,560
But for your own personal safety, if there is even a question of legitimacy in your mind

941
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:44,560
back away.

942
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:48,720
Yeah, you know, in anything in life, I think that applies.

943
00:45:48,720 --> 00:45:49,720
Yeah.

944
00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:55,560
And I think it's probably important to reiterate here that while I have researched this, I'm

945
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:57,840
not a consent expert.

946
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,680
And a lot of the conversations on our show, we talk about a lot of different a lot of

947
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:02,680
different things.

948
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:07,360
And I would build them almost more as like philosophical and not really debates, but

949
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:12,140
like philosophical conversations where in an ideal world, consent could be a smile and

950
00:46:12,140 --> 00:46:14,160
withdrawn consent could be a frown.

951
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:15,880
Does that stand up in a court of law?

952
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:16,880
Don't know.

953
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:17,880
This is a philosophical conversation.

954
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:18,880
All right.

955
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:23,760
You know, like we're striving to some sort of ideal that that simply doesn't exist.

956
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:24,760
Right.

957
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:29,000
Until lawyer AI AI comes out, we are not going to be able to answer these questions with

958
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,300
any reliability.

959
00:46:30,300 --> 00:46:36,060
And then here, Indiana University again, reaffirms or reiterates that consent cannot be coerced

960
00:46:36,060 --> 00:46:39,320
or compelled by forced threat, deception or intimidation.

961
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:43,240
You can't force consent by threatening to leak naked pictures you got.

962
00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:44,240
Right.

963
00:46:44,240 --> 00:46:45,240
Yeah.

964
00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:49,200
Bribery consented to give you naked pictures doesn't mean you can then use those as leverage

965
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,720
to gain consent for something else.

966
00:46:51,720 --> 00:46:52,720
Yeah.

967
00:46:52,720 --> 00:46:57,240
Coercion automatically nullifies any sort of concept of consent, I would say.

968
00:46:57,240 --> 00:46:58,240
Yes.

969
00:46:58,240 --> 00:47:00,080
Consent cannot be given by someone who is incapacitated.

970
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:05,600
And we talked about the incapacitations, drugs, alcohol, I guess, even if you're hiking and

971
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:10,800
find somebody unconscious on the hiking trail that doesn't mean consent to sex.

972
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,400
Oh, my God.

973
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,240
Well, I sent you that one, right?

974
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:22,040
I sent you that that news story about the the home and treater, the homeowner then like

975
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:29,040
tied them up and like rigged them for like four hours.

976
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:30,040
That happened.

977
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:34,440
Something similar happened in Minnesota, where a guy knew that somebody was going to break

978
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:35,440
into their house.

979
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:36,800
And it happened a couple of times.

980
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:42,000
So he set up a trap for them, captured them and tortured them and then killed them in

981
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:43,000
this space.

982
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,000
OK.

983
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,560
Oh, is this the Little Falls guy?

984
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:47,560
The Little Falls guy.

985
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:48,560
Yeah.

986
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:49,560
Yeah.

987
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:55,600
Funnily enough, he was a fairly big wig in the that region of Boy Scouts.

988
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:56,600
Oh, really?

989
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:57,600
I didn't know that.

990
00:47:57,600 --> 00:47:58,600
Yeah, I met him.

991
00:47:58,600 --> 00:47:59,600
He seemed like a psycho.

992
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,280
I mean, reading the story, I didn't know him.

993
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:03,280
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

994
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:04,280
I mean, I didn't know him.

995
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,120
I mean, like I met him, but I didn't like know him, know him.

996
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:13,400
I had actually at the I think it was I don't know if it was the it wasn't the J.C.'s ice

997
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:17,760
fishing thing, but we did a we did a Boy Scout ice fishing thing.

998
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,600
And he like talked to me for quite a while on the lake.

999
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,360
So it was it was interesting.

1000
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:24,920
He was an interesting person.

1001
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:25,920
Right.

1002
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:28,560
And he would have got away with it if he didn't video record it.

1003
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:33,080
Yeah, I think that, you know, I talked to my brother about this because at the time

1004
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:37,600
that that happened, I was a little a little younger and a little more hot headed with

1005
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,600
things.

1006
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:41,500
And I was like, well, of course, like you break into somebody's house, like you forfeit

1007
00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:44,760
everything basically, in my opinion.

1008
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:46,720
But Minnesota doesn't have the castle doctrine.

1009
00:48:46,720 --> 00:48:48,360
So yada yada.

1010
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:54,840
I think I think he went way too far with everything, you know, and of course, recording it doesn't

1011
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:55,840
help.

1012
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:56,840
Yeah.

1013
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:58,520
From a legal perspective, he definitely went too far.

1014
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:03,440
I mean, if he wanted to wait in his basement and shoot them as they came in, that's probably

1015
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:04,440
his right.

1016
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:06,240
You know, but you can't like fucked up.

1017
00:49:06,240 --> 00:49:07,240
I think it's fucked up.

1018
00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:08,240
I didn't say that.

1019
00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:11,520
But capturing them and like video recording it.

1020
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:12,520
Yeah.

1021
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:13,520
Yeah.

1022
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:17,720
There's like layers and layers and layers of fucked up behavior that's way past.

1023
00:49:17,720 --> 00:49:18,720
Yeah.

1024
00:49:18,720 --> 00:49:19,920
And we're not we're not lawyers.

1025
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:24,440
But I don't think it's within your right in a state that doesn't have the castle doctrine.

1026
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:28,560
I think if you're if you know they're coming and you have the ability to remove yourself

1027
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:34,360
from the from the situation, you have a legal obligation to remove yourself from the situation.

1028
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:38,960
All he had to do is set up a TV and a chair, you know, right in front of the window.

1029
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:40,320
Yeah.

1030
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:43,840
Just saying like, you know, not that I would do that myself.

1031
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:47,880
But yeah, I mean, there's other ways you can prevent people from coming into your house,

1032
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:48,880
I guess.

1033
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:52,200
And if you know they're coming, I know we poopoo the the law enforcement sometimes on

1034
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:56,880
the show, but we also don't poopoo them other times, because it's kind of like a case by

1035
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:57,880
case basis.

1036
00:49:57,880 --> 00:49:58,880
Absolutely.

1037
00:49:58,880 --> 00:49:59,880
Yeah.

1038
00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:06,320
You know, but sometimes you just have to write a society with a law enforcement is non functional.

1039
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:10,160
But yeah, criticism of authority is also paramount.

1040
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:11,160
So there's a balance.

1041
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:12,160
Yeah.

1042
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,840
So yeah, that was a little that was a little fucked up situation.

1043
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:19,400
But yeah, I remember and this wasn't told to me by a lawyer.

1044
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:24,520
But if I'm in the house alone and I'm physically able to leave the premises when I hear somebody

1045
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:28,560
break in, then I have a legal obligation to leave the premises.

1046
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:31,880
I can't stay and defend my house in Minnesota.

1047
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:32,880
Some states are different.

1048
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:38,240
However, in Minnesota, if you have people that are in the house that cannot flee, cannot

1049
00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:42,400
leave the premises, then you are well within from what I heard.

1050
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:43,400
I'm not a lawyer.

1051
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:45,920
And you are well within your rights to stay in defense.

1052
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:48,560
Would that be animals included or just people?

1053
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:49,960
Nope, nope, not animals.

1054
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:51,640
I don't think just livestock.

1055
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:52,640
And that was your livelihood.

1056
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:53,640
Right.

1057
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:58,480
Because farmers can kill or even hobby farmers.

1058
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:02,280
If you have chickens or something and there's like a fox or a neighbor's dog, you can just

1059
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:05,000
shoot it and say it was threatening my livestock.

1060
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,360
And I believe that's well within the legality.

1061
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:08,360
Yeah.

1062
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:09,360
Yeah.

1063
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:13,680
And if you're just a homeowner and there's a mean dog in your yard, you can't just go

1064
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:14,680
shoot it.

1065
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:16,680
I don't think it's kind of the same thing.

1066
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:18,480
So yeah, it's the same thing.

1067
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:26,560
Where you can act to stop a criminal act, but you can't take retribution after the criminal

1068
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:28,160
act has stopped.

1069
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:31,040
The law is the law and the law is weird.

1070
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:35,760
And the law has to have clear cut lines in the sand, I guess, as it were.

1071
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,000
By the way, I am finger burning right now.

1072
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:39,000
I don't know how far you are.

1073
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,920
I've still got like two inches.

1074
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:43,200
So I'm going to hurry up.

1075
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:44,200
I'm sorry.

1076
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:45,200
I've been talking so much.

1077
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:46,200
I know.

1078
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:47,200
I know.

1079
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:48,200
I have backups.

1080
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:51,840
We don't have to get to it because I've only got a couple sections left.

1081
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:53,880
Also the last thing from Indiana University.

1082
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:58,440
Consent cannot be assumed based on silence, the absence of a know or stop or the existence

1083
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:01,560
of a prior or current relationship or prior sexual activity.

1084
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:03,720
So that's, we've been talking about that.

1085
00:52:03,720 --> 00:52:04,720
We've been talking about that.

1086
00:52:04,720 --> 00:52:06,640
I'm going to smoke harder.

1087
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:09,280
This is Nice Ashes 2, smoke harder.

1088
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:12,880
Nice Ashes 3 is smoke hard with a vengeance.

1089
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,760
So who can give?

1090
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:15,760
Yeah.

1091
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:20,040
It's not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls from the tower.

1092
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:21,040
So who can give consent?

1093
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:25,040
Age of consent in America, it ranges from 16 to 18 years old.

1094
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:30,880
And there are provisions for, there's a, I believe there's a year, a certain number of

1095
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:37,640
years from somebody who might be like 18 can still engage in acts with somebody X number

1096
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:39,520
of years younger than them.

1097
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:40,920
It varies state by state.

1098
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:41,920
It varies.

1099
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,080
Minnesota is three.

1100
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:46,640
I know that North Dakota is 18 hard line.

1101
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:47,640
Okay.

1102
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:51,480
The last time, the last time you said stuff like that, somebody texted me, it was like,

1103
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:53,680
boy, Mike answered that question really quick.

1104
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:58,160
Well, I did, I was, I was, I was in safe zone.

1105
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:04,760
And when I was in high school, I did Minnesota enable and I'm involved with certain athletics

1106
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:06,000
with youths.

1107
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:10,600
So it's like, I know, I know that for good reasons.

1108
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:11,600
Yeah.

1109
00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:16,600
It was just a funny joke because somebody was like, my God, Mike answered that fast

1110
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:22,360
as if you're hanging out at the bowling alleys.

1111
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:26,520
Like, Hey kid, are you with an X number of years of me?

1112
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:29,120
Anyway, so who, who can't be, who can't give consent?

1113
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:33,480
So we talked about who can anyone of legal age of consent, which is different a lot of

1114
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:37,640
times than a legal age of majority, because we talked about, there's not really a legal

1115
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:43,200
age of majority because everything is spread across usually 16 to 21, you know, driving,

1116
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:46,600
smoking, voting, renting a car is 25 usually.

1117
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,540
So anyway, who can't give consent?

1118
00:53:49,540 --> 00:53:54,780
It would be a person incapable of doing so if they can't understand the facts, the nature

1119
00:53:54,780 --> 00:53:58,440
extent or implications, which is kind of all the stuff we've been talking about.

1120
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:04,320
But the incapacitation can be due to drugs, alcohol, a mental disability, being asleep

1121
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:13,460
or unconscious or based on their age and intoxication, whether it's drugs or alcohol and impairment

1122
00:54:13,460 --> 00:54:17,720
are not presumptive, presumptively equivalent to incapacitation.

1123
00:54:17,720 --> 00:54:18,720
I guess.

1124
00:54:18,720 --> 00:54:19,720
Yes.

1125
00:54:19,720 --> 00:54:20,720
And power dynamics.

1126
00:54:20,720 --> 00:54:23,680
I don't know if they had power dynamics on there, but no, this is still from Indiana

1127
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:24,680
university.

1128
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:25,680
Okay.

1129
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:30,320
But just because you're intoxicated, that does not mean that you would be incapacitated,

1130
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:34,360
but it doesn't mean that you can also necessarily give consent.

1131
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:36,400
It's a level, like it's a spectrum.

1132
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,480
It's not a necessarily black and white thing.

1133
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:39,480
Yes.

1134
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:41,320
Although I suppose if you carry like a pocket breathalyzer.

1135
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,320
Sure.

1136
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:43,320
Yeah.

1137
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:44,320
I've probably heard of it.

1138
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,680
There's probably some, I don't know, there's probably some legal BAC, right?

1139
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:50,880
Blood alcohol content for when you're no longer able to make legal decisions.

1140
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:51,880
I'm sure.

1141
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:54,960
The next thing is teaching children about consent.

1142
00:54:54,960 --> 00:55:01,200
So this was kind of the thing that kind of spurred this whole conversation.

1143
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:02,200
I don't know.

1144
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:05,800
Do you know many, I know you've got like nieces and nephews, right?

1145
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:06,800
Yes.

1146
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:12,640
Are they asking for consent from other kids before they hug or like high five or stuff

1147
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:13,640
or?

1148
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:14,840
I don't think so.

1149
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:19,640
I'm not aware if they do or don't, but I'm assuming not.

1150
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:24,480
I know that a couple of them are involved in athletics and typically like the high fives

1151
00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:29,360
and all the celebration of sporting events is implied consent for sure.

1152
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:30,360
You know?

1153
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:31,360
Yeah.

1154
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:34,080
High five is either give the high five or you leave a homie hanging, which I guess is

1155
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:39,960
like saying don't leave a homie hanging is not creating that positive consent environment

1156
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:41,800
we were talking about earlier.

1157
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:42,800
Definitely not.

1158
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:43,800
No.

1159
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:44,800
No.

1160
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:45,800
But you also kind of have to know your audience.

1161
00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:47,240
And I was thinking about this today too.

1162
00:55:47,240 --> 00:55:50,780
I was like, man, all of my guy friends and I hug.

1163
00:55:50,780 --> 00:55:52,060
We hug when we see each other.

1164
00:55:52,060 --> 00:55:53,060
We hug when we leave.

1165
00:55:53,060 --> 00:55:55,880
Like it's just, but I don't remember asking consent.

1166
00:55:55,880 --> 00:56:00,200
I think like, I don't know if it was me, but I feel like somebody went in for the first

1167
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:04,240
one and then we're just like, Hey, that's, I guess that's just what we do.

1168
00:56:04,240 --> 00:56:07,920
But that's like, but that's fine because everybody seems to be fine with it.

1169
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:08,920
Right.

1170
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:10,520
I think that's more of a modern man thing.

1171
00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:12,720
Like my dad's not hugging anybody for sure.

1172
00:56:12,720 --> 00:56:15,840
I mean, I tried and I tried, but he just won't.

1173
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:16,840
Right.

1174
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:17,840
Exactly.

1175
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:18,840
I'm just kidding.

1176
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:20,840
I did.

1177
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:24,120
But you know, I dev and I hug, I think.

1178
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:25,120
I don't know.

1179
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:29,040
I'm pretty sure we do, but he's older and my other buddy is eight years older than I

1180
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:30,040
am.

1181
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:32,400
And my other buddy is like eight or eight or so years older than I am.

1182
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:36,400
And we, we hug, but I guess that's still modern, modern ish.

1183
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:40,560
They're not Vietnam vets or World War II vets or Korean vets or something.

1184
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:41,560
You know?

1185
00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:42,560
Yeah.

1186
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:43,560
Yeah.

1187
00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:44,560
I don't know.

1188
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:45,560
I like that.

1189
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:46,560
Some people don't like that.

1190
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:47,560
And I don't hug people that don't like to be hugged.

1191
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,560
I was just, you know, that was just something in my life where it's like, yeah, you know,

1192
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:52,880
most of my friends like to hug.

1193
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:57,360
Um, I, I, we have, uh, friends as a couple, right?

1194
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:03,720
And I never go to initiate a hug with the wife of one of our friends or something.

1195
00:57:03,720 --> 00:57:04,720
Right.

1196
00:57:04,720 --> 00:57:10,240
Like I don't initiate that if they come for a hug, they get a hug, but I don't initiate

1197
00:57:10,240 --> 00:57:11,240
that.

1198
00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:12,240
I don't expect a hug.

1199
00:57:12,240 --> 00:57:14,200
I don't, you know, that's just in my mind.

1200
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:19,520
I'm like, I will hug my friends, but I'm not, even if the wife is one of my friends, I'm

1201
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:22,800
not going to hug the wife unless that wife wants it.

1202
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:23,800
You know what I mean?

1203
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:24,800
Right.

1204
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:29,480
That sounds so bad, but it's, you know what it sounds, it sounds bad, but I don't know

1205
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:30,480
how else to put it.

1206
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:31,480
I don't know how else to put it.

1207
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:32,880
I, I'm not trying to make it sound bad.

1208
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:36,240
It's just like, I'm not going to initiate it because I want them to feel comfortable.

1209
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,960
I don't want them to feel like they owe a hug.

1210
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:39,960
You know what I mean?

1211
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:40,960
Right.

1212
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:41,960
I don't usually hug people randomly.

1213
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:43,960
I don't really hug anybody.

1214
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:44,960
Yeah.

1215
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:45,960
You and I hug though, don't we?

1216
00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:46,960
Yeah, we do.

1217
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:47,960
Yeah, we do.

1218
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:48,960
Yeah.

1219
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:49,960
I don't really hug.

1220
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:50,960
We don't see each other very often, you know?

1221
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:51,960
We don't, we don't.

1222
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:56,800
So Sarah's mother likes to, Sarah's mother likes to hug me, which is fine.

1223
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:58,160
You're Sarah or my Sarah?

1224
00:57:58,160 --> 00:57:59,160
My Sarah.

1225
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:00,160
Both is probably true.

1226
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:01,160
Both is probably true.

1227
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:02,160
I think I know I hug.

1228
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:04,320
My Sarah's mom is like the biggest hugger.

1229
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:05,320
Yeah.

1230
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:06,320
I've, I've hugged Sarah's mom before.

1231
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:07,320
I don't see her very often either.

1232
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:08,320
So.

1233
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:09,320
Yeah.

1234
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:11,400
I mean, I don't know many people that Sarah, my Sarah's mom hasn't hugged.

1235
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:13,160
I think that's a shorter list.

1236
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:15,680
My Sarah probably.

1237
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:17,640
Maybe.

1238
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:20,800
So teaching children about consent.

1239
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:22,800
And I think this is, this is important.

1240
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:29,320
And I always, I always tell like, cause sometimes we have family, they might not be like immediate

1241
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:30,920
or they might be like distant or whatever.

1242
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:34,080
And they're like, Hey, you want to give me a hug to our, to our daughter?

1243
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:35,400
And I'm like, it's up to you.

1244
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:37,520
You can decide if you want to hug them or not.

1245
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:38,520
Right.

1246
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:39,520
I don't, I don't make a big deal out of it.

1247
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:43,980
You know, we've got the friends who say, well, before you can hug their child, you ask their

1248
00:58:43,980 --> 00:58:46,080
child if they want to hug.

1249
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:50,480
But it's like, it's an every time thing, which I guess is fine.

1250
00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:51,840
You know, I'm not, I don't know.

1251
00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:54,600
I'm kind of like, maybe that's the way it should be.

1252
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:55,600
I don't know.

1253
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:56,600
Right.

1254
00:58:56,600 --> 00:59:02,320
I mean, I think it'd be weird if the adult like, uh, wanted a hug from your child, not

1255
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:03,400
like, you know what I mean?

1256
00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:07,040
Like are you psychologically dependent on getting a hug from the child?

1257
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:08,040
They kept it.

1258
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:09,040
You know what I mean?

1259
00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:10,040
Yeah.

1260
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:11,040
Yeah.

1261
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:15,500
What this is, is like the, the parent is telling their child to ask consent from my child before

1262
00:59:15,500 --> 00:59:16,500
giving a hug.

1263
00:59:16,500 --> 00:59:17,500
Oh, sure.

1264
00:59:17,500 --> 00:59:19,600
Like every, every time.

1265
00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:23,360
And I mean, I guess like you have to teach consent.

1266
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:26,960
I don't, I don't know a hundred percent how I feel about that because it's such like an

1267
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:30,560
active thing and maybe, maybe it needs to be.

1268
00:59:30,560 --> 00:59:35,720
I just try and, I just try and make sure that my child knows if they don't want to hug or

1269
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:39,120
if they don't want to fist bump or high five, they don't have to.

1270
00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:40,120
Right.

1271
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:41,480
Like everything else, it's a fine line.

1272
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:42,480
There's a great area.

1273
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:46,480
It's a fine line and I don't, I don't think there's anything wrong with like telling your

1274
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:48,160
kids to ask for consent.

1275
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:49,740
I think that's a big thing.

1276
00:59:49,740 --> 00:59:53,960
And I think on the, on the counterpoint is letting your children know it's okay to not

1277
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:55,240
consent to things.

1278
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:56,240
Right.

1279
00:59:56,240 --> 01:00:01,040
You know, I don't, I don't know, I don't know what age, like the idea of consent kind of

1280
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:02,540
like takes shape.

1281
01:00:02,540 --> 01:00:07,200
So I don't know that calling it consent initially is, I don't, you know, I don't know.

1282
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:08,200
It's tough.

1283
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:13,520
I think a lot of it's personal comfort level, like for me, let's say I am scoring at a bowling

1284
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:14,520
tournament, right?

1285
01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:15,520
Yeah.

1286
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:17,920
Like a high five, I can do a high five.

1287
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:19,800
Typically I don't because you're supposed to be neutral.

1288
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:20,800
You know what I mean?

1289
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:24,920
But yeah, like I'm not looking for a hug, even if I know the kid's parents, which usually

1290
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:25,920
I do.

1291
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:26,920
Right.

1292
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:28,640
Typically I know the kid and the kid's parents.

1293
01:00:28,640 --> 01:00:31,080
It's not like we're strangers or anything.

1294
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:34,200
In some cases I'm friends with their parents, but yes.

1295
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:35,200
Yeah.

1296
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:37,720
I'm not even looking for a high five most of the time.

1297
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:38,720
You know what I mean?

1298
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:39,720
Yeah.

1299
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:43,080
Even if they're doing really well, it's like, it's not really like when you're like coaching

1300
01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:45,240
kids or you're not coaching kids.

1301
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:48,280
But if other kids, like if I were to go to a birthday party where people, where kids

1302
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:54,400
are bowling and a kid I knew or a kid I didn't know, uh, through a strike, I might be like,

1303
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:55,400
Hey, high five.

1304
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:59,360
Or I might just clap and like look at them and smile while I'm clapping to let them know.

1305
01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:00,360
Good job.

1306
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:01,360
You know what I mean?

1307
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:02,360
Right.

1308
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:03,360
Like give them a thumbs up.

1309
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:05,560
I wouldn't necessarily be like, Oh, come in for a big hog.

1310
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:08,480
You know what I mean?

1311
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:13,880
I mean, it's, it's a lot of this stuff is situational and, uh, very dependent on the

1312
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:16,880
relationship you have with the people involved.

1313
01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:22,940
So when I was, when I was in the boy scouts as an adult, I wasn't ever a scout master,

1314
01:01:22,940 --> 01:01:24,380
but I worked with the adult leaders.

1315
01:01:24,380 --> 01:01:27,120
And so a lot of times I ended up at their scouting events.

1316
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,880
I didn't hug the scouts, you know, right?

1317
01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:35,360
I could be enthusiastic and I could be supportive by smiling, telling them good job or giving

1318
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:36,360
them a thumbs up.

1319
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:41,560
I did not have to touch kids who do things, you know, which a lot of Scott masters seem

1320
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:46,120
to forget, but, uh, not a lot, not a lot.

1321
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:47,120
That's probably fair.

1322
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:51,880
You can get a really enthusiastic when you see, well, in bowling, you see a kid bowl

1323
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:53,120
a 300 game.

1324
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:54,120
That's awesome.

1325
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:57,360
But that's an excited moment for them and their parents and stuff like that.

1326
01:01:57,360 --> 01:01:58,360
Like I am not in that situation.

1327
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:01,920
It can be an exciting moment for you, but it's not like I need to hug this child now

1328
01:02:01,920 --> 01:02:04,360
kind of, I don't know what kind of moments that is.

1329
01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:07,080
Like if it's my child, yes, I would hug them.

1330
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:08,080
Exactly.

1331
01:02:08,080 --> 01:02:09,080
Hey, awesome job.

1332
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:10,080
I'm not hugging somebody else's child.

1333
01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:11,080
Exactly.

1334
01:02:11,080 --> 01:02:13,000
That's actually a warning sign in my opinion.

1335
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:14,000
Yeah.

1336
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:15,000
Yeah.

1337
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,800
Hey, which child is yours out there bowling?

1338
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:17,800
Oh, no, no.

1339
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:18,800
I just like to hug the 300s.

1340
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:19,800
Right.

1341
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:20,800
Yeah.

1342
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:24,360
Well, the female bowling coaches get a little more huggy cause for reasons, I guess, but

1343
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:25,360
I, yeah.

1344
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:29,480
So the thing to remember about hugs with kids is that they're often the very first kinds

1345
01:02:29,480 --> 01:02:33,600
of interpersonal touch that children learn to navigate on their own because everybody

1346
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:34,600
wants to hug them.

1347
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:38,760
You know, grandparents, aunts and uncles hug, kiss, that kind of thing.

1348
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:41,320
And this is all from Imagination Press Family.

1349
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:46,600
They've got a book called like, Don't Hug the Cuoca, some kind of animal, I guess, that

1350
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:50,280
kind of talks about don't hug people unless they want to be hugged, which I don't know,

1351
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:51,280
it was probably a good one.

1352
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:56,600
You might put that on the old list for the kiddos, but you know, I think, I think the

1353
01:02:56,600 --> 01:03:00,320
thing with kids is you want to meet them where they're at currently.

1354
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:03,820
And so talking about consent and like the details that we've gone into on this show

1355
01:03:03,820 --> 01:03:09,160
are probably more details than people need or than certain kids need at certain ages.

1356
01:03:09,160 --> 01:03:10,160
Right.

1357
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:11,160
Most of it's common sense.

1358
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:15,880
I mean, a lot of it's common sense and you want to teach, you want to mostly, it doesn't

1359
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:18,000
so much matter about the words, right?

1360
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:21,760
You want to have that environment where it's okay for people to say no, you want to have

1361
01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:24,680
that environment where it's okay for your children to say, no, I don't want to give

1362
01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:25,680
you a hug.

1363
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:26,680
Right.

1364
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:30,880
And so to you as the parent or to family or friends or anybody else out there, you want

1365
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:32,280
them to know it's okay to say no.

1366
01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:33,640
And I think that's the biggest thing.

1367
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:38,960
I guess one last thing, because this was something that kind of came up in my research.

1368
01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:39,960
Right on.

1369
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:44,720
What people, people were saying, well, if I touch somebody, is that assault?

1370
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:49,680
Now we're not, we're not lawyers, but I went to Cornell law school and somebody was like,

1371
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:51,860
well, I hugged somebody and now they're claiming assault.

1372
01:03:51,860 --> 01:03:53,620
And you know, it's just some internet person.

1373
01:03:53,620 --> 01:03:54,620
So who knows?

1374
01:03:54,620 --> 01:03:56,400
Who knows if it was truly a hug or what?

1375
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:58,480
Like the internet is cancer.

1376
01:03:58,480 --> 01:03:59,480
Right?

1377
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:00,480
Well, yeah.

1378
01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:02,840
But I thought like, Hey, that's a good like kind of counterpoint.

1379
01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:04,400
Like we're talking about consent.

1380
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:07,680
And if you do something and you didn't have consent, is it assault?

1381
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:12,200
I mean, obviously certain things are very definitely assault, right?

1382
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:13,880
But like a hug, right?

1383
01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:16,960
Or a hand on the shoulder or what have you.

1384
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:20,460
And this is what Cornell law school says, and we're not lawyers.

1385
01:04:20,460 --> 01:04:25,080
So do your own research if you're going to go randomly hug people on the street, I guess.

1386
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:29,600
But assault is generally defined as an intentional act that puts another person in reasonable

1387
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:34,040
apprehension of imminent harmful or offensive contact.

1388
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:36,600
And we all know offense, offensive contact.

1389
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:40,720
I don't know every time my boss messages me, I think that's offensive contact, but we'll

1390
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:43,720
talk about the power stuff briefly before we're done here.

1391
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:48,480
No physical injury is required, but the act or must have intended to cause a harmful or

1392
01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:50,160
offensive contact with the victim.

1393
01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:54,760
And the victim must have thereby been put in immediate apprehension of such contact.

1394
01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:57,480
So would a hug be assault?

1395
01:04:57,480 --> 01:05:03,320
If it was somebody who had a medical condition or a previous experience that triggered some

1396
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:08,160
PTSD or something, I can see that.

1397
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:13,600
If you give somebody a bear hug and refuse to let them go, I can see that might be assault.

1398
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:20,880
I don't know for sure if going for a hug and kind of being denied, but you made contact,

1399
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:22,840
but it wasn't like forceful contact.

1400
01:05:22,840 --> 01:05:26,440
I don't know if that's necessarily assault, but again, I'm not a lawyer.

1401
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:30,720
So a lot of the stuff we like to talk about in the show is like common sense stuff and

1402
01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:35,720
philosophical like ideal world kind of stuff, not things as they necessarily are.

1403
01:05:35,720 --> 01:05:36,720
Right.

1404
01:05:36,720 --> 01:05:40,160
I mean, use common sense, which to the best of your ability.

1405
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:41,160
Yeah.

1406
01:05:41,160 --> 01:05:48,640
I mean, I guess like in terms of consent, if you don't have really the explicit yes

1407
01:05:48,640 --> 01:05:53,440
or like a smile and nod, then just don't, you know, like just don't.

1408
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:55,600
That's probably the best advice.

1409
01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:59,000
Now I want you to talk to me about this power stuff, people in power.

1410
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:03,980
I will say that this leaf now is quite unwrapped here at the end, maybe a full three quarters

1411
01:06:03,980 --> 01:06:09,960
of an inch unwrapped at the end here and not even by the cap, but where I told you that

1412
01:06:09,960 --> 01:06:11,600
leaf came up a little bit.

1413
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:12,600
Sure.

1414
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:17,120
See, and I smoked mine down to about a half an inch and the end flowered out, which is

1415
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:20,160
pretty typical and I did not have any unwrapping at all.

1416
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:22,800
So mine had held up really well.

1417
01:06:22,800 --> 01:06:24,760
But you know, they're from the same batch.

1418
01:06:24,760 --> 01:06:28,240
We're in different humidor's, but you know, they're cigars.

1419
01:06:28,240 --> 01:06:31,680
They're a handmade product.

1420
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:33,280
Every single one is not made the same.

1421
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:36,360
So it hasn't really affected the taste.

1422
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:37,360
It hasn't affected the taste.

1423
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:41,240
It hasn't affected my enjoyment other than I just wanted to mention that it's happened.

1424
01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:42,240
Right.

1425
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:47,920
And that's because we typically have cigars in the same box, but we keep them in separate

1426
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:50,880
humidor's so our humidity is going to be different.

1427
01:06:50,880 --> 01:06:51,880
Yes.

1428
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:52,920
And things like that.

1429
01:06:52,920 --> 01:06:56,960
So if one person has something happen, it's not really indicative of anything.

1430
01:06:56,960 --> 01:07:02,360
Even if both of us do, it's not necessarily indicative, but it's a better correlation

1431
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:04,680
than just like one random thing happening.

1432
01:07:04,680 --> 01:07:09,260
So yeah, and we just mentioned because we want to be good stewards of the cigars.

1433
01:07:09,260 --> 01:07:13,260
So I don't want to recommend something and then have somebody say, well, it unwrapped

1434
01:07:13,260 --> 01:07:15,440
on me or did this on me.

1435
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:18,760
And then for me to say, well, that actually also happened to me.

1436
01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:20,400
I just didn't mention it.

1437
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:24,120
Doing my due diligence as a person.

1438
01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:29,960
But yeah, so you were talking about like employment and some other things where consent is not

1439
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:30,960
possible.

1440
01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:31,960
Yeah.

1441
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:36,760
Typically if there's any sort of power dynamic, like a police officer arresting someone or

1442
01:07:36,760 --> 01:07:44,960
a boss and an employee, you know, a coach and an athlete, anything like that, consent

1443
01:07:44,960 --> 01:07:47,480
is not possible in those situations.

1444
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,320
Typically that's not necessarily legal.

1445
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:54,440
Sometimes it goes to legal, but it's typically against any sort of organizational rules.

1446
01:07:54,440 --> 01:07:58,400
So if you're working, it's against your ethics.

1447
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:04,520
So if you're working at a corporation, typically dating is allowed, but not allowed within

1448
01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:08,960
the same hierarchy if those people are at different levels of that hierarchy.

1449
01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:14,120
You know, and a lot of times they have like, you have to disclose that to somebody higher

1450
01:08:14,120 --> 01:08:15,800
too, I believe.

1451
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:16,800
Right.

1452
01:08:16,800 --> 01:08:17,800
Yeah.

1453
01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:22,040
Like you can't date the intern at your place of work, you know, something like that.

1454
01:08:22,040 --> 01:08:27,800
If you work in a place that has interns or student workers or whatever, you mean indentured

1455
01:08:27,800 --> 01:08:28,800
servitude servants.

1456
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:29,800
Right.

1457
01:08:29,800 --> 01:08:30,800
Yeah.

1458
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:35,520
So if you work at a large organization and you are middle management, you can date a

1459
01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:40,720
secretary, but you're not allowed to date your secretary.

1460
01:08:40,720 --> 01:08:42,160
You know, that sort of thing.

1461
01:08:42,160 --> 01:08:43,160
Yeah.

1462
01:08:43,160 --> 01:08:44,160
Yeah.

1463
01:08:44,160 --> 01:08:45,160
Even though that's, I mean, that's a trope too.

1464
01:08:45,160 --> 01:08:48,160
I don't know how common it is, but it's definitely a societal trope.

1465
01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:49,160
Yeah.

1466
01:08:49,160 --> 01:08:53,640
A lot of these tropes, like you see them a lot in movies and like TV shows and stuff,

1467
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:56,380
but I don't know how often they happen in real life.

1468
01:08:56,380 --> 01:09:02,360
Maybe they used to, I wasn't alive, you know, in the before time of Mike.

1469
01:09:02,360 --> 01:09:03,360
So you weren't alive.

1470
01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:05,240
Yeah, I was not alive.

1471
01:09:05,240 --> 01:09:08,320
I cannot speak to what happened at that time.

1472
01:09:08,320 --> 01:09:10,960
You know what I mean?

1473
01:09:10,960 --> 01:09:11,960
Yeah.

1474
01:09:11,960 --> 01:09:16,040
Back when people actually had like secretaries and they were called secretaries, like everyone

1475
01:09:16,040 --> 01:09:21,840
saw, I'll get a corporate email saying like, it was from some big like C-suite person,

1476
01:09:21,840 --> 01:09:25,200
but it was actually sent by somebody on behalf of that person.

1477
01:09:25,200 --> 01:09:27,520
It's kind of like the dictated, not read.

1478
01:09:27,520 --> 01:09:28,520
Right.

1479
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:32,280
But nowadays, like in corporate America, a lot of people are just remote or it's like,

1480
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:37,040
even if you're not remote, you might as well be because it's not like the person, the big

1481
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:39,440
C-suite person actually knows who's sending out the thing.

1482
01:09:39,440 --> 01:09:42,720
They just say, hey, I want some kind of communication to go out.

1483
01:09:42,720 --> 01:09:43,720
Right.

1484
01:09:43,720 --> 01:09:48,720
Well, secretary type positions are going away anyway, as pretty much everybody universally

1485
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:50,680
can type for themselves.

1486
01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:55,480
So sending out, leaving a page long email, what does it take, like 10 minutes?

1487
01:09:55,480 --> 01:09:56,480
You know what I mean?

1488
01:09:56,480 --> 01:09:59,120
It takes no time at all to do it yourself.

1489
01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:02,640
And then you don't have to have a different person employed.

1490
01:10:02,640 --> 01:10:06,760
Some of these higher ups, at least in corporate America, they need people to do that for them

1491
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:11,520
because they're really not as, well, we talked about this with like Trump, right?

1492
01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:16,020
Like he just says whatever he says and he would probably benefit from having somebody

1493
01:10:16,020 --> 01:10:22,120
else write his speeches or following the script or whatever, because it makes you appeal to

1494
01:10:22,120 --> 01:10:23,120
more people.

1495
01:10:23,120 --> 01:10:28,060
And so a lot of these like big C-suite people probably draft it and say, I want something

1496
01:10:28,060 --> 01:10:31,600
like this, but put the PC spin on it or whatever.

1497
01:10:31,600 --> 01:10:32,600
Right.

1498
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:33,600
I know that-

1499
01:10:33,600 --> 01:10:36,920
Because they want to be seen as competent and all caring and all knowing and the Lord

1500
01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:38,400
and master of all.

1501
01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:39,400
So-

1502
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:40,400
Yeah.

1503
01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:45,200
Trump traditionally has the bad side effect of implicating himself in whatever crime he's

1504
01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:47,960
trying to deny or whatever.

1505
01:10:47,960 --> 01:10:49,480
I shouldn't say it quite that way, but-

1506
01:10:49,480 --> 01:10:52,360
This was the best crime anybody could ever commit and I did.

1507
01:10:52,360 --> 01:10:53,360
Right.

1508
01:10:53,360 --> 01:10:54,360
Yeah.

1509
01:10:54,360 --> 01:10:57,760
It's like, oh, you can't prove that I did this bad thing because we covered it up the

1510
01:10:57,760 --> 01:10:58,760
right way.

1511
01:10:58,760 --> 01:10:59,760
You know, something like that.

1512
01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:00,760
Yeah.

1513
01:11:00,760 --> 01:11:01,760
Yeah.

1514
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:02,760
It's like-

1515
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:03,760
I covered it up just like so, so covered it up.

1516
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:04,760
It's like, oh, okay.

1517
01:11:04,760 --> 01:11:05,760
Right.

1518
01:11:05,760 --> 01:11:08,200
In his denial, he's actually just admitting guilt.

1519
01:11:08,200 --> 01:11:09,200
Yeah.

1520
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:10,200
Yeah.

1521
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:14,080
Admitting guilt, but in a way that makes it so that he's not legally liable, which makes

1522
01:11:14,080 --> 01:11:16,000
it look bad, but you know.

1523
01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:17,000
Yeah.

1524
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:18,000
Whatever.

1525
01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:19,000
It's all what it is.

1526
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:20,000
Yeah.

1527
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:24,000
I mean, I'm not attacking the person who is Donald Trump for that.

1528
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:28,080
I think it's very entertaining, but it's not what we're typically accustomed to.

1529
01:11:28,080 --> 01:11:29,080
No.

1530
01:11:29,080 --> 01:11:32,960
So Mike, I think we're going to have to save your coming in glued story for another episode,

1531
01:11:32,960 --> 01:11:36,720
but let's lead off the other episode with that story.

1532
01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:37,720
We can do that.

1533
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:38,720
We can do that.

1534
01:11:38,720 --> 01:11:41,880
But any last thoughts on consent, Mike, before we wrap?

1535
01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:42,880
No.

1536
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:47,800
I think that it was quite encompassing with the information.

1537
01:11:47,800 --> 01:11:48,800
So.

1538
01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:49,800
Yeah.

1539
01:11:49,800 --> 01:11:53,800
I know I sent you a text when I was researching that it was kind of like a rabbit hole of nightmares.

1540
01:11:53,800 --> 01:11:55,400
Yeah, it can be.

1541
01:11:55,400 --> 01:12:01,880
But most of those nightmares were from people who were in situations where the environment

1542
01:12:01,880 --> 01:12:03,480
of consent was not there.

1543
01:12:03,480 --> 01:12:06,920
And I think that's kind of the important thing is don't be a creeper.

1544
01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:12,600
Don't be coercing people or threatening people or intimidating people into giving consent.

1545
01:12:12,600 --> 01:12:16,560
And at the end of the day, no means no.

1546
01:12:16,560 --> 01:12:22,980
And if consent can come in all sorts of styles and shapes, so can the no.

1547
01:12:22,980 --> 01:12:24,520
So just read the room.

1548
01:12:24,520 --> 01:12:28,040
And if in doubt, like Mike said, just back away.

1549
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:29,040
Right.

1550
01:12:29,040 --> 01:12:31,440
I mean, if you're trying to convince somebody to do something they don't want to do, you're

1551
01:12:31,440 --> 01:12:32,920
probably a loser.

1552
01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:34,880
So you're probably in the wrong.

1553
01:12:34,880 --> 01:12:35,880
Yeah.

1554
01:12:35,880 --> 01:12:36,880
Yeah.

1555
01:12:36,880 --> 01:12:37,880
You're you're not doing the right thing.

1556
01:12:37,880 --> 01:12:38,880
So there we go.

1557
01:12:38,880 --> 01:12:39,880
Yeah.

1558
01:12:39,880 --> 01:12:41,040
Final thoughts on the cigar, Mike.

1559
01:12:41,040 --> 01:12:42,040
I liked it.

1560
01:12:42,040 --> 01:12:43,040
I thought it was really good.

1561
01:12:43,040 --> 01:12:44,640
It milled out towards the end.

1562
01:12:44,640 --> 01:12:45,640
That's not a bad thing.

1563
01:12:45,640 --> 01:12:46,640
Spicy.

1564
01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:47,640
Really good.

1565
01:12:47,640 --> 01:12:48,640
Mine is unwrapping.

1566
01:12:48,640 --> 01:12:50,120
So I'm going to have to probably put this out.

1567
01:12:50,120 --> 01:12:51,640
I can't get as far as you did.

1568
01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:53,680
Yeah, no, mine's very good.

1569
01:12:53,680 --> 01:12:54,680
Yes.

1570
01:12:54,680 --> 01:12:59,320
It started off with a very spicy head and it continued on the spice level, but it became

1571
01:12:59,320 --> 01:13:00,320
rounder.

1572
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:01,320
I don't think it became less spicy.

1573
01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:05,000
I just think the cigar got more full bodied as I think.

1574
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:08,980
I think I think it did get a little less spicy because I think there's quite a bit of spice

1575
01:13:08,980 --> 01:13:09,980
on the cap.

1576
01:13:09,980 --> 01:13:10,980
And I think that could be true.

1577
01:13:10,980 --> 01:13:11,980
It was rough.

1578
01:13:11,980 --> 01:13:12,980
Yeah.

1579
01:13:12,980 --> 01:13:18,040
But it was still it was spicy throughout and more flavors became more prominent throughout

1580
01:13:18,040 --> 01:13:19,040
as well.

1581
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:22,120
So it was probably a little bit of both, but spicy throughout.

1582
01:13:22,120 --> 01:13:27,400
Very, very spicy, like Mike said at the at the get go and great, great stick.

1583
01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:28,960
I really like this one.

1584
01:13:28,960 --> 01:13:30,320
Two thumbs up for me.

1585
01:13:30,320 --> 01:13:31,320
Yes.

1586
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:36,240
The consular consigliere consigliere consigliere.

1587
01:13:36,240 --> 01:13:37,240
Very nice.

1588
01:13:37,240 --> 01:13:38,400
Very nice smoke.

1589
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:42,320
So I recommend that and recommend creating a safe environment for consent.

1590
01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:43,320
Be safe.

1591
01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:44,320
Have fun.

1592
01:13:44,320 --> 01:14:11,320
Have a good week.