Good morning, good afternoon and good evening everybody.
It's your girl Sonya McQueen with your mind, your body, your choice.
So today is the 25th and I am going to try to remember what I wanted to speak about yesterday
that totally slipped my mind because I got pulled into a totally different conversation
and went a totally different way.
I want to speak about liars, people who habitually lie or you know that when you ask a question,
chances are you might not get the correct answer or you might get a bit of the correct
answer mixed in with fantasy and fairy tale.
There's two reasons people lie and I've said this before in the podcast, either they're
habitual or there is fear.
There's no other reason, either you're habitual or you're scared and when I say scared, maybe
you're afraid that if you tell the truth the person won't look at you the same or maybe
you're afraid that if you tell the truth it's going to end up in a fisticuss or if you tell
the truth you're going to go to jail or you're going to lose a friend or your family's going
to tell other people or your friend's going to tell other people it's going to result
in disappointment.
All of that is fear.
You know I'm open about the fact that when I was younger I used to tell untruths all
the time and in the beginning it was because I was scared people wouldn't like me if I
didn't say certain things or they wouldn't continue to like me or continue to be my friend
and it was far removed from the truth but as a kid I don't know any better so I exaggerated
situations or I made up situations and it was a little weird now that I'm an adult to
think about it but I was a kid.
Then as I was in my early 20s I didn't tell the truth because I didn't want to disappoint
people who did love me or who cared about me so they ask a question and you want to tell
them the truth but instead you tell them something you think that sounds so much better than
the truth so much better.
The crazy part is a lot of times when people ask you questions they already know the answer
and when you lie to them that's what they see.
They might not even tell you I know you're lying girl I know you're lying boy cut it
out they might just look at you and say okay but it's forever ingrained in their mind.
That when asked a question under pressure you're going to lie and that might change the trajectory
of your relationship whether you know it or not because now they know if they ask you
a question chances are you might not tell the truth and it gets so bad that when you
do tell the truth they might question that truth.
How many of you have ever been asked a question you told the truth but you were told you
were lying or people just didn't believe you and it pisses you off you're furious because
you know you're telling the truth and why do I have to now prove my truth my honesty.
Sometimes it's because you tell so many untruths they don't know what to think or believe.
You know I've said this before but I had a really good friend she was a good friend and
she accused me of something that absolutely wasn't true and she did not right accuse me
what happened was she distanced herself from me and wasn't speaking to me as much you know
we worked in the same building so it was a high and by but we used to sit and laugh and
talk and it was a while because I was going through a personal issue and so when I moved
over that mountain came out of that valley and I was at the top of my peak I I wasn't
sat with her and I said hey what happened and she said well you remember when blah blah
blah but she was a hundred percent wrong the whole scenario it was a misunderstanding
had she come to me and asked me we could have squashed that right then but when I told her
no you're absolutely wrong she absolutely didn't believe me no I know what I heard no
you know you heard wrong you totally misinterpreted that but the fact is this is somebody I've
never lied to and her first instinct was to think I was lying I didn't get it then
but we not only rekindled our friendship but it was stronger and better but then several
months down the line she accused me of something again and she was a hundred percent wrong
and this time I thought you know what I can't have a friend that I have to constantly constantly
explain what her belief is how wrong it is of me of me I can't keep doing this because
every time something looks funny to her she's going to question that and she's going to
come to her own understanding of what she believes is right and wrong and each time she was a
hundred percent wrong but then I realized and it took me a while to realize because you
know eventually we just didn't talk anymore and I moved on and she moved on I have no
idea what's going on with her and her life and she has no idea what's going on with me
in my life but she was wrong by so many people and lied to so much and friendships that fell
apart and people were stabbing her in the back that it was hard for her to comprehend
having a good honest friend who actually had her back it was hard to comprehend because
she's been dogged and lied to so much so I say to you guys today don't carry baggage
if you know Sally is a liar Jane is a liar Dick is a liar and Paul is a liar don't go
to Mary's house when Mary tells you stuff you just automatically think she's a liar
or when you have a problem with Mary and she explains something to you don't think she's
on that lying thing you cannot judge one person by others everybody's an individual you got
to treat them and speak to them and understand them in their own perspective shoes right
so now let's just say Mary is a liar and you've caught Mary in lies do you confront Mary about
those lies do you just sweep them under the rug my husband is the type he will absolutely
know you're lying and he won't question it you'll know it he'll forever keep it in his
mind my husband has caught so many people in lies and will not confront it it's just
like he puts it in his bag and keeps it there he says he just knows how to deal with that
person moving forward girlfriends family freak he's had it all I can't wait to confront you
okay now you're lying you know how I know you're lying but I used to think my husband
was crazy how can you let these people get away with this but I understand his logic
all you do when you confront a liar sometimes is make them double down now they're mad at
you for not believing in their lie that they told that they know is a lie but they're mad
that you don't believe their lie how crazy does that sound you're mad at me because you're
lying and I know you're lying and I caught you in your lie and I'm confronting you on
your lie so now you don't want to speak to me I got you got you but that is just the
way life is you guys when you have somebody who is not an honest person do you really
want to waste the time confronting them speaking to them about their lies hoping that they'll
just fess up and say you know what my bad my bad it doesn't work like that so it's worth
your time your kids if your kids are constantly lying you gotta confront that you gotta stop
that in its tracks your spouse nobody wants to be coupled up with somebody who's constantly
lying because if you lie you cheat is not what they say and if you cheat you're still
right you don't want that there are certain people you have to hey listen let's talk
about this I know what you were saying was not true other people you gotta walk away
you walk away from that coworker who's just always not the truth because you confront
them and now there's a war between you and the co-worker what does it matter to you
if that's the fantasy life they want to live let them live it but if it affects you they
go to your boss and they tell a lie on you they go to other people and they tell a lie
you're gonna have to confront that but if it's just a lie where they're from what they
do where they been what they've done let them live in their lie pray for them that's the
best you can do in some situations you just think I'm gonna pray for you I'm gonna pray
for you but don't inject yourself in another person's fantasies the best you can do is
be the honest person you know you are and if you're not an honest person lying immediately
ask for forgiveness from the Lord and move forward in honesty and truth and if your lies
have hurt other people there's nothing wrong with that you know what when I told you such
and such last year it wasn't the truth don't be surprised if you hear I know I know don't
be afraid to confront your lies and then go back and apologize for those lies you've told
I promise you when you do that people will see you in a different light they will now
on the other hand when you have people who just lie on you and I've told you guys about
several lies that have been told about me in my own family you know the drugs the just
just lies you still have to pick and choose what you need to confront some things you
just gotta give the God he's got you he's got you and other things you confront I would
never forget and I've said this in another podcast somebody it's been a few years now
but a family member hit me up on Facebook and told me how good I look how good I cleaned
up and I didn't understand and I wrote back okay thank you what does that mean well you
know the drugs that I've never been on I didn't even reply I let you you know this is probably
seven years ago that happened and the rumor about me being on drugs started when I was
23 I'm 53 you guys you've been living with that truth for such a long time I'm gonna
let you go ahead and keep living with it because if it was important to you if you really care
you would have hit me up a couple of decades ago and asked me cousin do you need help niece
do you need help friend do you need help this is what I've heard so that I could have said
absolutely not true but instead you ran with that lie and it became your truth about me
and I don't have to fix it you can live with that now I know what I need to confront these
days and what I don't and because I've lived in truth for so long I think the most people
say to me now is you are brutally honest and I even got to the point I didn't want to be
brutally honest I just want to be honest I want to be transparent I don't want people
to question what I say and I can become defensive I'm not gonna lie if somebody calls me a liar
just tells me oh that's not true I always want to ask them what about you makes you
think that you're important enough for me to lie to you but of course I don't say that
because that's just guilt from the way I live my life decades ago so once again you guys
I'm gonna end this don't lie nothing is harder to do than lie and have to keep up with that
lie and you got to update that lie sometimes you got to live in the truth you got to live
in the moment just be honest from the get go even if somebody is going to be disappointed
with you at least they're disappointed in the truth double whammy when you're lying and
they're already disappointed just live in the truth it was hard to backpedal when they
confront you on a lie you got a backpedal and you got a backpedal and you got a backpedal
just tell the truth and move forward just tell the truth and move forward when other
people lie choose what to confront and what to let go of it's not hurting you harming
you it's just a lie that they want to live in let them live in it and pray for them
but if there's hurting you and harming you it's even better when I gave the example if
they're lying on you at work to have a minute so that they have to confront their lie to
your face because often you go like I told you when I worked at the Department of Health
I can go to my boss and tell him something and he go back to that person he was a mess
and they would tell another lie and he would jump on that bandwagon then confront me again
a month or two later and I tell the truth and he's on my bandwagon so it's best just
to bring parties together when it's something that is detrimental to your life pray ask
what's important to confront what's important to let go of but in all scenarios you be honest
you be a woman or man or a valour you be that person don't avoid male collectors until
you get the lie on your behalf don't go into a situation and have people lying for you
because now you've spread your mess to other people somebody invited me somewhere and I
didn't want to go and I had to tell my husband the lie I told them so he could have my back
and I instantly felt horrible about it not only am I lying I got somebody who's got my
back that's gonna lie on my behalf if it comes up yeah I had to fix that right away I sent
a friend of mine a hundred dollars I needed her to do me a favor and because me and my
husband share an account I didn't want him to know what I sent her the money for so I
lied to him now it was nothing bad it was nothing bad it's just the fact when you share
an account with somebody and you want to do something good for them and they see a large
amount of money coming out they're gonna ask you what it's for so either a you got to tell
the truth be tell them none of your business which could cause an issue or see you lie
so that you can surprise them later and I know you thinking well that's not really a lie
yes it is because I I volunteered the lie he didn't even ask me I just know my husband
and so before it even happened I said hey listen I sent such and such money for such
and such and I was lying it bothered me so much I couldn't sleep that night and I was
thinking man now he expects he's gonna expect her to pay me back by this day because my
lie had a date it had a reason and now I'm thinking well what is gonna happen when she
don't give me back that money when she's supposed to and what happens if she comes over and
he says hey yo I know Sonya sent you some money and you were supposed to pay all kinds
of scenarios were going through my head I don't even think my husband would do that
but because I told the lie it was rubbing me all kinds of wrong even though I told it
so he would know what I was really doing which was something for him now the crazy part is
I told the lie pre him even questioning and I could have easily said hey listen I'm doing
something for you don't ask no questions and he would have taken that but I went before
myself and so a couple of days later I had to say listen I'm losing sleep I'm struggling
over here I lied to you when I sent such and such that money it was because I'm trying
to do something for you and I didn't want you to know and just looked at me like I was
crazy and said but why do you have to lie yeah because I know you and you watch the account
and if I'm not spending money at Sam's or Publix or some store the mall or something
you ask when I cash out or when I sell people large amounts of money yeah but I didn't ask
or I wouldn't have asked and if I did you could have just said I'm doing something to you
all those scenarios played out but I chose the first tell the lie before he could ask
and then I struggle and suffer you know why because I'm not a liar it doesn't come easily
for me and often when I used to lie like in my 30s and 40s I couldn't shut up the lie
got bigger and bigger and bigger because I didn't know when to end it and now I can't
remember what I said in the beginning and it's just too much it's too much so yeah just tell
the truth and don't volunteer lies when you volunteer lies you becoming more of a habitual
when you just come out the gate nobody asked you nothing nobody said anything to you you
just start off with a lie hey you guys here's just a good one I got five job offers last
week five this company this company this company this company this company they all offer me
positions I don't know what to do and nobody's off it you know job position guys oh my gosh
I had so much fun oh me and my husband he bought me a new Fendi bag he bought me some
Fendi shades we had a Fendi day I had on some Fendi none of that happened when you just
volunteer lies you are moving into habitual you might want to pray about it and see what
it is about you that makes you so insecure or makes you feel like you have to lie or
brag or stretch the truth for people to like or love you because I promise you you could
just walk into a room and say hi and if they care about you they're gonna care about you
boasting doesn't mean like you and if you have to lie and boast for people to like you
you're around the wrong kind of people you need to pray and ask God to deliver people
who like you just in the skin you're in I know I've known a couple habitual liars just
lie because the wind is blowing pray for them you don't know what they might be going through
mentally what they might be thinking emotionally why they feel like they need to lie we often
just jump on a negative bandwagon when we meet those kind of people and we might even
tell other people don't believe nothing so and so says all they do is lie if they open
their mouth they're probably lying if it's 10 in the morning and they tell you the sun's
out and we probably have a total eclipse because you don't know what it is the effecting them
that makes them like that don't put yourself above somebody because they might be a liar
but you might be a thief they might be a cheater they might be a cheater but you might be a
liar it's a whole circle none of us are perfect so whatever your imperfection is don't sweep
it under the rug and put a bright light on somebody else's alright that's enough of that
I am your girl sanga McQueen and you know you can find me at ledbymotivation.com that's
led by motivation.com you can email me at ledbymotivation07 at gmail.com I've had a couple of people
send me friends request from Berlin oh my gosh I could not stop smiling so thank you
so much Berlin I appreciate you so much and thank you for reaching out to me on social
media I suck at social media so do not look at my one or two likes at things I just forget
to post for like a month or so and then when I do post my likes are at the very bottom
hardly anybody sees them but it doesn't mean that I don't care I just put more of my time
and effort into real people relationships than living my life on social media but I
am trying to do better at posting every day alright have a great day and I do love to
hear from you so please please please please my messages are few far in between but when
I get them I'm excited so keep excited me have a great day.