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Good morning, good afternoon and good evening everybody.

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It's your girl Sonya McQueen with your mind, your body, your choice.

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So today is the 25th and I am going to try to remember what I wanted to speak about yesterday

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that totally slipped my mind because I got pulled into a totally different conversation

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and went a totally different way.

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I want to speak about liars, people who habitually lie or you know that when you ask a question,

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chances are you might not get the correct answer or you might get a bit of the correct

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answer mixed in with fantasy and fairy tale.

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There's two reasons people lie and I've said this before in the podcast, either they're

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habitual or there is fear.

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There's no other reason, either you're habitual or you're scared and when I say scared, maybe

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you're afraid that if you tell the truth the person won't look at you the same or maybe

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you're afraid that if you tell the truth it's going to end up in a fisticuss or if you tell

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the truth you're going to go to jail or you're going to lose a friend or your family's going

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to tell other people or your friend's going to tell other people it's going to result

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in disappointment.

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All of that is fear.

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You know I'm open about the fact that when I was younger I used to tell untruths all

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the time and in the beginning it was because I was scared people wouldn't like me if I

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didn't say certain things or they wouldn't continue to like me or continue to be my friend

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and it was far removed from the truth but as a kid I don't know any better so I exaggerated

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situations or I made up situations and it was a little weird now that I'm an adult to

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think about it but I was a kid.

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Then as I was in my early 20s I didn't tell the truth because I didn't want to disappoint

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people who did love me or who cared about me so they ask a question and you want to tell

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them the truth but instead you tell them something you think that sounds so much better than

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the truth so much better.

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The crazy part is a lot of times when people ask you questions they already know the answer

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and when you lie to them that's what they see.

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They might not even tell you I know you're lying girl I know you're lying boy cut it

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out they might just look at you and say okay but it's forever ingrained in their mind.

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That when asked a question under pressure you're going to lie and that might change the trajectory

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of your relationship whether you know it or not because now they know if they ask you

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a question chances are you might not tell the truth and it gets so bad that when you

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do tell the truth they might question that truth.

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How many of you have ever been asked a question you told the truth but you were told you

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were lying or people just didn't believe you and it pisses you off you're furious because

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you know you're telling the truth and why do I have to now prove my truth my honesty.

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Sometimes it's because you tell so many untruths they don't know what to think or believe.

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You know I've said this before but I had a really good friend she was a good friend and

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she accused me of something that absolutely wasn't true and she did not right accuse me

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what happened was she distanced herself from me and wasn't speaking to me as much you know

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we worked in the same building so it was a high and by but we used to sit and laugh and

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talk and it was a while because I was going through a personal issue and so when I moved

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over that mountain came out of that valley and I was at the top of my peak I I wasn't

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sat with her and I said hey what happened and she said well you remember when blah blah

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blah but she was a hundred percent wrong the whole scenario it was a misunderstanding

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had she come to me and asked me we could have squashed that right then but when I told her

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no you're absolutely wrong she absolutely didn't believe me no I know what I heard no

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you know you heard wrong you totally misinterpreted that but the fact is this is somebody I've

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never lied to and her first instinct was to think I was lying I didn't get it then

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but we not only rekindled our friendship but it was stronger and better but then several

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months down the line she accused me of something again and she was a hundred percent wrong

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and this time I thought you know what I can't have a friend that I have to constantly constantly

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explain what her belief is how wrong it is of me of me I can't keep doing this because

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every time something looks funny to her she's going to question that and she's going to

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come to her own understanding of what she believes is right and wrong and each time she was a

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hundred percent wrong but then I realized and it took me a while to realize because you

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know eventually we just didn't talk anymore and I moved on and she moved on I have no

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idea what's going on with her and her life and she has no idea what's going on with me

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in my life but she was wrong by so many people and lied to so much and friendships that fell

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apart and people were stabbing her in the back that it was hard for her to comprehend

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having a good honest friend who actually had her back it was hard to comprehend because

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she's been dogged and lied to so much so I say to you guys today don't carry baggage

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if you know Sally is a liar Jane is a liar Dick is a liar and Paul is a liar don't go

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to Mary's house when Mary tells you stuff you just automatically think she's a liar

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or when you have a problem with Mary and she explains something to you don't think she's

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on that lying thing you cannot judge one person by others everybody's an individual you got

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to treat them and speak to them and understand them in their own perspective shoes right

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so now let's just say Mary is a liar and you've caught Mary in lies do you confront Mary about

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those lies do you just sweep them under the rug my husband is the type he will absolutely

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know you're lying and he won't question it you'll know it he'll forever keep it in his

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mind my husband has caught so many people in lies and will not confront it it's just

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like he puts it in his bag and keeps it there he says he just knows how to deal with that

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person moving forward girlfriends family freak he's had it all I can't wait to confront you

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okay now you're lying you know how I know you're lying but I used to think my husband

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was crazy how can you let these people get away with this but I understand his logic

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all you do when you confront a liar sometimes is make them double down now they're mad at

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you for not believing in their lie that they told that they know is a lie but they're mad

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that you don't believe their lie how crazy does that sound you're mad at me because you're

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lying and I know you're lying and I caught you in your lie and I'm confronting you on

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your lie so now you don't want to speak to me I got you got you but that is just the

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way life is you guys when you have somebody who is not an honest person do you really

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want to waste the time confronting them speaking to them about their lies hoping that they'll

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just fess up and say you know what my bad my bad it doesn't work like that so it's worth

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your time your kids if your kids are constantly lying you gotta confront that you gotta stop

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that in its tracks your spouse nobody wants to be coupled up with somebody who's constantly

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lying because if you lie you cheat is not what they say and if you cheat you're still

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right you don't want that there are certain people you have to hey listen let's talk

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about this I know what you were saying was not true other people you gotta walk away

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you walk away from that coworker who's just always not the truth because you confront

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them and now there's a war between you and the co-worker what does it matter to you

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if that's the fantasy life they want to live let them live it but if it affects you they

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go to your boss and they tell a lie on you they go to other people and they tell a lie

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you're gonna have to confront that but if it's just a lie where they're from what they

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do where they been what they've done let them live in their lie pray for them that's the

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best you can do in some situations you just think I'm gonna pray for you I'm gonna pray

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for you but don't inject yourself in another person's fantasies the best you can do is

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be the honest person you know you are and if you're not an honest person lying immediately

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ask for forgiveness from the Lord and move forward in honesty and truth and if your lies

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have hurt other people there's nothing wrong with that you know what when I told you such

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and such last year it wasn't the truth don't be surprised if you hear I know I know don't

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be afraid to confront your lies and then go back and apologize for those lies you've told

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I promise you when you do that people will see you in a different light they will now

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on the other hand when you have people who just lie on you and I've told you guys about

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several lies that have been told about me in my own family you know the drugs the just

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just lies you still have to pick and choose what you need to confront some things you

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just gotta give the God he's got you he's got you and other things you confront I would

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never forget and I've said this in another podcast somebody it's been a few years now

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but a family member hit me up on Facebook and told me how good I look how good I cleaned

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up and I didn't understand and I wrote back okay thank you what does that mean well you

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know the drugs that I've never been on I didn't even reply I let you you know this is probably

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seven years ago that happened and the rumor about me being on drugs started when I was

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23 I'm 53 you guys you've been living with that truth for such a long time I'm gonna

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let you go ahead and keep living with it because if it was important to you if you really care

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you would have hit me up a couple of decades ago and asked me cousin do you need help niece

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do you need help friend do you need help this is what I've heard so that I could have said

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absolutely not true but instead you ran with that lie and it became your truth about me

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and I don't have to fix it you can live with that now I know what I need to confront these

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days and what I don't and because I've lived in truth for so long I think the most people

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say to me now is you are brutally honest and I even got to the point I didn't want to be

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brutally honest I just want to be honest I want to be transparent I don't want people

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to question what I say and I can become defensive I'm not gonna lie if somebody calls me a liar

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just tells me oh that's not true I always want to ask them what about you makes you

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think that you're important enough for me to lie to you but of course I don't say that

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because that's just guilt from the way I live my life decades ago so once again you guys

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I'm gonna end this don't lie nothing is harder to do than lie and have to keep up with that

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lie and you got to update that lie sometimes you got to live in the truth you got to live

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in the moment just be honest from the get go even if somebody is going to be disappointed

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with you at least they're disappointed in the truth double whammy when you're lying and

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they're already disappointed just live in the truth it was hard to backpedal when they

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confront you on a lie you got a backpedal and you got a backpedal and you got a backpedal

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just tell the truth and move forward just tell the truth and move forward when other

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people lie choose what to confront and what to let go of it's not hurting you harming

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you it's just a lie that they want to live in let them live in it and pray for them

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but if there's hurting you and harming you it's even better when I gave the example if

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they're lying on you at work to have a minute so that they have to confront their lie to

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your face because often you go like I told you when I worked at the Department of Health

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I can go to my boss and tell him something and he go back to that person he was a mess

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and they would tell another lie and he would jump on that bandwagon then confront me again

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a month or two later and I tell the truth and he's on my bandwagon so it's best just

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to bring parties together when it's something that is detrimental to your life pray ask

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what's important to confront what's important to let go of but in all scenarios you be honest

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you be a woman or man or a valour you be that person don't avoid male collectors until

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you get the lie on your behalf don't go into a situation and have people lying for you

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because now you've spread your mess to other people somebody invited me somewhere and I

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didn't want to go and I had to tell my husband the lie I told them so he could have my back

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and I instantly felt horrible about it not only am I lying I got somebody who's got my

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back that's gonna lie on my behalf if it comes up yeah I had to fix that right away I sent

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a friend of mine a hundred dollars I needed her to do me a favor and because me and my

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husband share an account I didn't want him to know what I sent her the money for so I

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lied to him now it was nothing bad it was nothing bad it's just the fact when you share

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an account with somebody and you want to do something good for them and they see a large

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amount of money coming out they're gonna ask you what it's for so either a you got to tell

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the truth be tell them none of your business which could cause an issue or see you lie

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so that you can surprise them later and I know you thinking well that's not really a lie

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yes it is because I I volunteered the lie he didn't even ask me I just know my husband

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and so before it even happened I said hey listen I sent such and such money for such

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and such and I was lying it bothered me so much I couldn't sleep that night and I was

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thinking man now he expects he's gonna expect her to pay me back by this day because my

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lie had a date it had a reason and now I'm thinking well what is gonna happen when she

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don't give me back that money when she's supposed to and what happens if she comes over and

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he says hey yo I know Sonya sent you some money and you were supposed to pay all kinds

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of scenarios were going through my head I don't even think my husband would do that

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but because I told the lie it was rubbing me all kinds of wrong even though I told it

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so he would know what I was really doing which was something for him now the crazy part is

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I told the lie pre him even questioning and I could have easily said hey listen I'm doing

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something for you don't ask no questions and he would have taken that but I went before

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myself and so a couple of days later I had to say listen I'm losing sleep I'm struggling

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over here I lied to you when I sent such and such that money it was because I'm trying

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to do something for you and I didn't want you to know and just looked at me like I was

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crazy and said but why do you have to lie yeah because I know you and you watch the account

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and if I'm not spending money at Sam's or Publix or some store the mall or something

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you ask when I cash out or when I sell people large amounts of money yeah but I didn't ask

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or I wouldn't have asked and if I did you could have just said I'm doing something to you

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all those scenarios played out but I chose the first tell the lie before he could ask

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and then I struggle and suffer you know why because I'm not a liar it doesn't come easily

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for me and often when I used to lie like in my 30s and 40s I couldn't shut up the lie

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got bigger and bigger and bigger because I didn't know when to end it and now I can't

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remember what I said in the beginning and it's just too much it's too much so yeah just tell

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the truth and don't volunteer lies when you volunteer lies you becoming more of a habitual

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when you just come out the gate nobody asked you nothing nobody said anything to you you

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just start off with a lie hey you guys here's just a good one I got five job offers last

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week five this company this company this company this company this company they all offer me

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positions I don't know what to do and nobody's off it you know job position guys oh my gosh

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I had so much fun oh me and my husband he bought me a new Fendi bag he bought me some

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Fendi shades we had a Fendi day I had on some Fendi none of that happened when you just

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volunteer lies you are moving into habitual you might want to pray about it and see what

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it is about you that makes you so insecure or makes you feel like you have to lie or

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brag or stretch the truth for people to like or love you because I promise you you could

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just walk into a room and say hi and if they care about you they're gonna care about you

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boasting doesn't mean like you and if you have to lie and boast for people to like you

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you're around the wrong kind of people you need to pray and ask God to deliver people

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who like you just in the skin you're in I know I've known a couple habitual liars just

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lie because the wind is blowing pray for them you don't know what they might be going through

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mentally what they might be thinking emotionally why they feel like they need to lie we often

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just jump on a negative bandwagon when we meet those kind of people and we might even

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tell other people don't believe nothing so and so says all they do is lie if they open

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their mouth they're probably lying if it's 10 in the morning and they tell you the sun's

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out and we probably have a total eclipse because you don't know what it is the effecting them

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that makes them like that don't put yourself above somebody because they might be a liar

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but you might be a thief they might be a cheater they might be a cheater but you might be a

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liar it's a whole circle none of us are perfect so whatever your imperfection is don't sweep

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it under the rug and put a bright light on somebody else's alright that's enough of that

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I am your girl sanga McQueen and you know you can find me at ledbymotivation.com that's

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led by motivation.com you can email me at ledbymotivation07 at gmail.com I've had a couple of people

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send me friends request from Berlin oh my gosh I could not stop smiling so thank you

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so much Berlin I appreciate you so much and thank you for reaching out to me on social

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media I suck at social media so do not look at my one or two likes at things I just forget

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to post for like a month or so and then when I do post my likes are at the very bottom

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hardly anybody sees them but it doesn't mean that I don't care I just put more of my time

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and effort into real people relationships than living my life on social media but I

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am trying to do better at posting every day alright have a great day and I do love to

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hear from you so please please please please my messages are few far in between but when

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I get them I'm excited so keep excited me have a great day.