1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,520 Good morning, good afternoon and good evening everybody. It's your girl Sonya McQueen with your mind your body your choice. I 2 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,040 Want to talk to you today about fear 3 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:16,680 Me and my friend Paula we had a long discussion about fear how you know 4 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:23,400 It's it's something that resonates in us from us by us. It's not downloaded in us 5 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:28,040 It's often a learned behavior because you're not born with fear 6 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:33,760 You know it's something we pick up along the way and some of us have fear so bad 7 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:38,080 It causes anxiety and it causes other issues 8 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,840 And a lot of people have to be medicated 9 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:48,400 Because of it and then some people you know we look at them and we think their fears are absolutely ridiculous 10 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:55,480 Oh, you're you fear, you know, they're phobias you fear grasshopper you fear clowns 11 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,440 You fear what you fear of plants and 12 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:04,280 To us it might come across as ridiculous, but to them it's real ingenious. I 13 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:10,320 Don't fear many things, you know, I don't like heights at all 14 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,640 I'm the type of person if I was on the even 15 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:22,840 Second but third four fifth imagine me being on the 10th floor of a hospital and standing close to one of their big windows 16 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:26,760 If I look out I automatically think I'm falling out of that window 17 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:32,360 I'm the person that window is automatically gonna break even though. I'm not touching it 18 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:36,560 It's just gonna break in a gust of wind. It's gonna suck me out and I'm gonna die 19 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,200 I'm also I 20 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,920 Have great fear of drowning even though I don't go to the water 21 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:48,800 I have a huge fear of drowning and falling 22 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:54,920 But those are of course like I said self-made, but I won't get on a roller coaster 23 00:01:54,920 --> 00:02:00,460 I won't get on anything that goes higher than I'm able to jump off and land on my feet 24 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:03,920 So those are small fears of mine 25 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,960 But what I fear bigger larger 26 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,320 Is loss of love 27 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:20,320 So if you've listened to my podcast previously, you know that I don't have the best relationship with everybody in my family 28 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,960 Some I do some I don't 29 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:30,240 Three decades ago a rumor was started about me and I'll just throw it out there again 30 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:35,520 If you haven't listened that I was on drugs and the rumor was started because I gave up a child for adoption 31 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,280 and I guess 32 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:44,640 The person who started the rumors like who would give up their child for adoption if they're not on drugs so 33 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:52,200 Told everybody that I was on drugs and most of them of course believed it and 34 00:02:52,760 --> 00:03:00,200 They alienated me because of it even though to this day this person denies it. I absolutely know it's true and 35 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,920 even this person to this day treats me funny and 36 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,720 and 37 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:15,280 Because of that and because it has happened almost all my life. I have a fear of loving 38 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:24,240 Before I met my husband I would date and if I got really close with the guy and I felt any 39 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,600 Anything in my spirit that is like, oh, you're gonna fall in love. I 40 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,280 Would get rid of them 41 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,920 If a guy told me I love you 42 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,560 Even worse I want to marry you 43 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:45,240 I'm putting on track shoes. I'm lacing them up and I am running. I'm getting rid of that 44 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:51,680 Relationship even my friends my girlfriends. I love you so much sis. I 45 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,200 Didn't like it 46 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:59,840 Now I'm not gonna lie sometimes. I'd be like I love you too, but that would also be my opportunity to 47 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,920 Exit that relationship and I didn't even realize I was like that 48 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,360 Until about 10 years ago 49 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,920 The fear of being loved 50 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,520 By somebody who felt as unloved as I felt is 51 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,560 Humongous because most people who felt unloved 52 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,440 Run and will do anything for love. I 53 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:30,480 Didn't do anything for love because I didn't want it. I didn't understand it 54 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:34,080 I didn't know why people would even give it to me 55 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,680 except my kids 56 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,080 They were the exception to everything so this morning I woke up 57 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:49,360 It's 6 30 I didn't wake up on purpose because we traveled and I was exhausted 58 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,840 so my plan was to sleep till 8 but 59 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:56,120 the sun came up and my body was like no get up and 60 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,720 Instantly I started thinking about a family member 61 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:02,920 who 62 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:08,240 Every time they tell me they love me I cringe because I don't think it's true 63 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,800 They'll say that but then they'll say other little 64 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:17,400 Snipe things to me and they've done enough for me to know that's not love 65 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,480 But sometimes people tell you they love you 66 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:27,800 At a fear of you not loving them or you're not believing it. I 67 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:37,040 Hope that makes sense. So I might say to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I really I really like that. I like that a lot 68 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:44,000 But I don't like it. I'm only saying that because I don't want to hurt your feelings and lose you out of my life 69 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:49,200 And I think that's why this person tells me they love me even though they should 70 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:57,920 Even though they should I've never wronged them. I've never done anything but be immature when I was younger extremely immature which caused me 71 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:03,600 caused me great grief, you know having to give up a child because of my 72 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,040 My immaturity 73 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:11,840 You know living from place to place to place the place the place the place because of my immaturity 74 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,680 not because I was on drugs not because I 75 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:24,640 Was imprisoned not because I was doing things wrong but live in my life and it's crazy when people 76 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,000 Notice that about you, but they never correct you 77 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:34,960 They never had that talk with you. It's just judgment and disdain and it doesn't have to be like that 78 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:40,480 You know, whatever you fear especially when it comes to communication 79 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,480 I 80 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:49,040 Promise you at least eight out of ten times your fear is bigger than the situation itself 81 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:54,960 You are forward thinking an outcome before you even give a person a chance for 82 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,720 Them to give you an outcome, you know 83 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:04,640 We think how's this person gonna feel about this and what are they gonna say about that and we can play out an entire 84 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,760 Scenario in our heads an entire scenario 85 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:15,280 With an audience of one we are the person we're talking to we're a bcd and e 86 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:19,360 We're all those people and we're just playing it out in our heads and because we know everything 87 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:24,880 We just let it ride instead of confronting things what I learned 88 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,080 over the last several decades 89 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:35,120 Is no matter what if I confront something right wrong or indifferent. I'm letting it go 90 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,120 I'm letting it go 91 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:43,440 You know, I told you guys once I try to speak to a family member who who started this rumor about me and and 92 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:49,520 And did so many other nasty things that I really didn't put together until you know one day I sat down 93 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:53,920 I thought wow they did this to me and this and this and that is not love 94 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:59,600 You know, and I tried to talk to the person and and the more I tried to talk they would cut me off and 95 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:04,880 Tell me I'm wrong and that's not true and this isn't true like I don't know my own truth 96 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:09,040 And one thing I've learned I told you guys I used to be a liar. I don't lie 97 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:15,600 I'm not going to make up a whole story about you and there's only me and you talking and I'm telling you this story 98 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,600 But I'm lying like you weren't there like you don't know 99 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,640 But that person's fear of being 100 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,920 Recognized for who they were 101 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:29,520 Was so great that they would rather continue the lie 102 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:35,680 And then think I'm just gonna say oh, okay, you know, you're right. I'm wrong 103 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:45,520 No, we both know I'm right and all your fears doing is causing a bigger wedge between us instead of just saying you know what I did 104 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,160 Maybe I apologize. Let's move forward 105 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,080 I know better I'm doing better or 106 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:58,240 I was going through something or I just apologize or okay. I did it 107 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:04,560 And that was this many years ago that would piss me off, but I would accept that better than 108 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:12,640 Telling me it never happened and you don't know what I'm talking about and constantly cutting me off when I'm trying to tell you something 109 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,120 That bothered me 110 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,760 You know 111 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,960 But that person's fear of being recognized and seen 112 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,520 For who they were or who they are 113 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:29,360 Was greater than them wanting to fix an issue or rectify your problem 114 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,920 But I promise you guys fear 115 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,520 Will steal your future from you 116 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:40,320 Living in fear will eliminate your future 117 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:46,160 Because as long as you walk around in that fear and with those 118 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:48,080 those 119 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:54,000 great things that are keeping you from moving forward in certain areas 120 00:09:54,480 --> 00:10:00,880 You're robbing yourself. You're robbing yourself of your days. You're robbing yourself of your hours your minutes your seconds 121 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,440 in your future 122 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,120 Living today and whatever you're fearing let it go 123 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:12,400 If it's a conversation you need to have try to have it. I I had somebody reach out to me 124 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,200 It's been about a month and they didn't want to 125 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:19,040 Talk about it on the podcast or anything, but they were saying 126 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,720 Well, what happens when you know for a fact? 127 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:29,120 There's somebody who's done terrible things to you and you know for an absolute fact 128 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:36,160 If you try to talk to them, they're gonna shut you down. They're gonna call you a liar. They're gonna tell everybody 129 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,720 What you said what you did 130 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,080 And you're positive about this. There's no 131 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,680 I'm forward thinking you absolutely know this person's like that 132 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:52,000 I said, how do you absolutely know if you haven't even taken that step? 133 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:56,160 I said you have to take that step just like I did 134 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:04,960 And if that person does everything you said at least you knew at least you did what you were supposed to do or better yet 135 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:10,080 Write it down and send it to a more important person 136 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:16,080 Write it down and send it to him or give it to him and walk away 137 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,680 You've still released it 138 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,120 See, I didn't get a chance to release everything because I kept getting cut off 139 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:30,800 But at least you released it. You write those words down and you send it to them 140 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:38,800 They're gonna read it. They might be angry, but at least you're getting it all out uninterrupted 141 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:45,280 One or the other and she said you know in another message she was going to do that 142 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,280 She was gonna write it all down and send it 143 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,840 But whatever it is you guys 144 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:56,080 Whatever is gripping you whatever your fear is whatever is keeping you from your 145 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:02,000 Today and you're still living in your past. You've got to pray it away. Let it go 146 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,960 You've got to live in your future 147 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,400 Don't wait for yesterday to come and it's already today 148 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,920 Start moving forward 149 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,400 All right, this is your girl song in McQueen 150 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,000 I am led by motivation. That's led by motivation.com 151 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:25,680 Or you can email me at ledbymotivation07 at gmail.com 152 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:30,720 We always get back to you and if you want to be on the show you let me know and if you want to get our newsletter 153 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:34,320 You let me know. I'll gladly add it is free nothing 154 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:40,800 Nothing cost you anything but a little bit of time and it's positive time. So why not give it up? 155 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:50,800 All right, take care and if you want us, you know where to find us