Good morning, good afternoon and good evening everybody. It's your girl, Sonya McQueen with it's your life. What are you doing with it?
So my anniversary is coming up my, my anniversary, my wedding anniversary and I just want to dedicate today's podcast to me.
To me and that lucky guy I, I married Quinn. You know, this was not an easy road for either one of us. My husband and I had to both make major changes.
On the inside personality changes, reactional changes, emotional mental changes to get to where we are today. And I can honestly say, I have heard so many times.
I've either got it in an inbox, heard it face to face, heard it on the phone, received it via text in instant messaging. You and your husband.
Have the perfect marriage. That's what I want. It comes from married people, single people.
Women and men I like my husband and I used to do a show of the McQueen's conversations with the McQueen's, I believe it was called and we stopped.
And I, not me, but my husband was hit up time after time after time. Please start your show again. Please.
Me and my wife, people we would have never thought listened to our show or watched our videos were watching it. It was a phenomenal reaction and we are going to do it again.
It's right now just a time thing when my husband is so busy and then me with these businesses and I know we can make time just like I make time for these podcasts.
But when I do these podcasts, I make sure nobody else is in the house. And it's always a nudge.
I never really sit down and know what I'm going to speak about until I sit down and start speaking. That's, I'd say 70% of the time, the other 30%.
I'm running or I'm walking or I'm somewhere and something hits me and it won't release like when I did one about metamorphosis the other day.
I've never used that word in my life. And I went to, I was listening to a song by Kelly Price and she was talking about better butterflies got in the shower metamorphosis hit me.
I went to sleep had a dream about it woke up and it would not leave me till I did that podcast. So today though, I just want to speak about perfection in your relationships.
I want to say our relationship is perfect, but it's perfect for us. And in our perfection. There's no perfection.
Catch up. There's no perfection in us every day.
We bump our heads a little bit, but we know we bump our heads. And the next day we don't bump our heads that away again, or we do.
But we give each other the grace to understand up. You bumped your head and I told you about it, but I understand that's something you've been doing all your life.
So it might take a minute for you to rectify that for you to fix it. And it's okay because I do understand you're trying.
It's different when somebody does something that you don't like. They bumped their head and you tell them that they just don't give a damn. Oh, well, that's me. Been that away all my life. You don't like it too bad.
That's totally different. We don't use those words with each other. If there's something I don't like.
Other than on another podcast, I was talking about him biting his nails and spitting him. He's not going to change that if he's not going to change his catch up eating.
But let's just say for this podcast, he uses words I don't like now.
This is not true. But let's just say he got mad and he called me out of my name. I'm gonna stop him. Hey, hey, yo.
Don't do that. There's something we don't do. You don't call me out of my name. I don't call you out of your name. You wouldn't like it if I called you something.
I'm gonna say that again. My husband's gonna apologize. And he's gonna be like, you know, all my other relationships.
That's that's how I refer to them women and I apologize. It's just something that I've done and I won't do it again.
But then a week later, he does it again and I say, there you go. And he says, I apologize. Just please give me grace. I didn't mean it.
I'm trying to fix this. I understand that's something he's done for years and years and years and years.
And that might not be the best example because I honestly cannot imagine my husband calling me out of my name.
When my husband's upset with me, he calls me Sonia.
I'll always say, okay, what's going on, you know, when when something's bothering him, he'll say Sonia. He never calls me Sonia.
But it was just an example that came to my head, but I will give him, I will correct him again.
Tell him, hey, hey, don't call me a fool ever again. But I will give him the grace to understand he's trying to rectify that, right?
My husband and I both had to go through some serious changes to get to where we are now and what other people see as perfection.
What perfection really is, is communicating, communicating, understanding each other, learning each other, learning what triggers each other and not to do those things.
And genuinely loving each other and wanting to see the best for each other and getting the best out of each other.
It's so amazing. I would have never thought I would have cared 12 years ago.
I wouldn't have thought I'd be in this kind of position to where I really care. And I love somebody so much that what makes them happy is important to me.
I love to cook, right? And I love to cook. And I know what my husband really loves.
And I can get into that kitchen, not tell him I'm making it and just to see the joy in his eyes.
Something so simple as me making a dish, some oxfales, or he loves pork chops, no matter how I make my pork chops, mother jerk, fried.
He loves them. And I will get in there. I hate meatloaf.
But I can make a meatloaf to make you want to slap somebody. And I will make him meatloaf.
And I know when I make that meatloaf, I'm going to make mashed potatoes because I love potatoes.
And I'm going to make a vegetable that I love because I'm not going to eat that meatloaf.
But you get my point. I will do things purposely to put a smile on his face.
Purposely. He'll come home one day and I will have, he loves a clean house. I like a clean house.
But I don't mind a little clutter here and there. You know, if I come in and the kids have toys on the floor or something, I know at the end of the night, they're going to be put up.
I'm okay with that. It will drive him crazy to see stuff. He's getting better.
My husband's got OCD. I can move his stuff over two inches and he'll notice it at the end of the night and move it back two inches.
I do it just to mess with him. But I understand what brings him joy.
And I understand what triggers him.
If I have an issue with something and he comes in the house and my face is sour maybe or I don't say hello.
My mind is just going. My mind is going. It's not even a hello. But sometimes, you know, things are heavy for a second.
Maybe something bothered you in an email and you're trying to work it out mentally so that you don't carry it. I do that. I do that.
Or, you know, one of my kids is going through something and I'm trying to figure things out.
My mom, my dad, whoever, and I'm trying to figure things out and I can come across to him as standoffish because I'm not really communicating with him at the moment.
All I have to do is tell him, hey, love, ABC is going on and my mind is going right now. So I might just be gone mentally.
I might go upstairs for a while. He'll understand that. That's no big deal. He don't care. He's going to sit here and watch YouTube or whatever.
But when I don't do that and it's festering and I'm not really paying him any mind, I'm not really speaking to him.
Maybe he's speaking to me and I don't hear him. I'll put on headphones because I love music. I'll put on my headphones or put some earbuds in my ears.
And he'll be saying something. He'll have to get up and realize I have the earbuds in my ear and then I, you know, it's just life.
And now I am taking away a little bit of his joy when all I had to do was communicate and I had to learn that. I had to learn that.
And for him, he had to learn some things that triggered me a little bit that he was doing that he could change.
There's a difference with making some positive changes that make you a better person and make you a better mate.
The making changes just to please that other person and nothing was wrong with you in the first place. You're just making those changes to appease that person.
You don't want anybody who wants to change your personality, your style, your entire life so that you can be what they want you to be.
But they remain the same. That's different. When somebody wants you to be a better person. I said in one of my first podcast, my husband said his job was to make me a better person and I took a fence to that.
Who the hell are you to make me a better person? I am great.
But I wasn't.
And overall, he has made me a better person. He's made me like myself and love myself.
He made me see things that bothered me before.
That important. Let it go.
He made me understand the significance of saving the significance of not putting yourself, you know, when I first moved here, I've said this in a previous podcast.
I accepted a job making $15 an hour.
I did that coming from being a motivational speaker and selling my books and making just good money.
And I kept complaining about that $15 an hour every time I got my paycheck, I was mad.
And my husband said to me, which I said in a previous podcast, what are you missing?
What are you missing? And I was like, what are you talking about? He was like, well, you complain so much.
About this $15 an hour. Tell me what it is that you're lacking so I can give it to you so you can quit complaining.
That was such an embarrassing moment for me because I wasn't lacking anything.
I was just complaining about the shelter, electricity, TVs in all the rooms, clothing, shoes, going to, you know, going out to eat every Friday and Saturday on our date nights, which we have done for 10 years straight.
Unless I'm out of town, I wasn't lacking anything. I was just complaining because I thought I deserve more. But why?
Why did I think I deserve more when other people around me that I admired and cared about were making the same or even less?
Because I had mentally put myself on a pedestal, you know, financially.
And I'm horrible with finances. Horrible. Horrible.
Well, I'm not anymore, but back then I was horrible with finances.
And I had enough nerves to catch an attitude and gripe and grumble when this man was doing an excellent job of providing.
And on top of that, the insurance through the job I had was phenomenal where other people are paying $300 a paycheck, $200 a paycheck.
I'm paying $180 a month for the best insurance you could have ever imagined, ever.
And I took my husband in his truth to point out to me how crazy I sounded. And that's a positive change. I never complained again.
And once I stopped griping, which I've said another, I was promoted. And then I was promoted. And then I was promoted.
And guess what, y'all? I was promoted.
I was only at the job. So that was a financial gain. But mentally, I was promoted and you can't beat that.
You can't beat a mental or emotional promotion, a spiritual promotion. You can't beat it. You can't beat it.
You can't pay for that. Blood, sweat, and tears. It's got to be from within.
So he's right. It was his job and it is his job to make me a better person as it is my job to make him a better person.
I can give you example after example, but I'm going to leave you on this.
I don't think my husband and I will be together today if he didn't almost die.
I was not 100% happy with him and he definitely was not 100% happy with me.
We would try our best to be happy with each other, but internally, I think both of us were probably five words away from ending our relationship and then the accident.
He was in an accident. One car, him and a tree, and the tree won.
And I might have said this in another podcast, but if I did and you've heard it, please be patient.
I got a phone call. I met work. Got a new outfit on. Got a new hairstyle. I think I am the shiznit that day.
And I get a phone call from this guy. He worked with my husband and said,
you're Mr McQueen's mate, right? And I said, yeah. And I didn't know where he was going because what happened was he sent me a message on messenger. He did not have my phone number. Excuse me.
And I never check my messenger. If you send me a message on messenger, I just have to one day notice I have five, six, seven messages.
And then I'll pay attention for a day or two to see if you message me again after I message you. But it just was a miracle. I even looked at messenger.
And it said, this is Terry. Please call me. I work with your husband. I call him and he was like your miss McQueen.
I just want to let you know he was in a very bad car accident. Please get here as soon as possible. And before I could even finish reading it, I was, I mean, listening to him.
I was on my way out. My phone rang and it was my husband's boss because that guy gave her my phone number. And she was like, it's not looking good. How far away are you?
Thank goodness my job was only six minutes from where he worked. I was running down the steps running, running, running in my probably five inch heels at that day.
Jump in my car, my my master and I am Holland, but to the hospital where he worked. I get there, jump out of my car. I'm still running and she's waiting on me.
She was like, Miss McQueen or she said, Sonia. I said, yes. And she said, come on, come on, come on. We jump on the elevator and we go up and when we get off the elevator.
They told her it was too late. He was already in surgery. And she used the words to me. I really wanted you to say goodbye because I don't think he's going to make it.
And I lost it. I lost it. I was crying and I was just inconsolable. And I went to the waiting room and I called his brother Alex crying. I told him that Q was in an accident.
I really didn't have much more information, but they didn't think he was going to make it. And probably within an hour or so, his brother shows up at the hospital with his sister.
They want to know what's going on. By then I knew he was in a car accident and it was really, really bad. He went off the road and he hit a palm tree and his car wrapped around the palm tree on the driver's side.
So as time went on, I wouldn't leave the hospital. I was at the hospital probably for a week. I went home to shower after the second day. I was urged to go home and shower and I went and got more clothes and the hospital just let me stay there.
They let me stay and his brother would bring me food. That was the only time I ate. I did not want to leave while he was in ICU. They let me stay in ICU, which was not allowed. You're only allowed there certain times and under certain circumstances.
And I didn't meet either criteria. To be honest, we weren't even married yet. We were engaged.
And I stayed in that hospital. Y'all, they let me in ICU and they let me stay in there because they knew him.
He worked at that hospital and many of the people caring for him knew him intimately. And I don't mean sexually intimately.
They knew him by name. They knew where he lived. They knew what his kids' names were. They cared about him.
So, as the days went on, he was incubated. He couldn't speak. He was swollen. He had broken his pelvis, his entire midsection had turned and broke.
His back was broke. His pelvis was broke. His leg had been.
He had actually amputated his ankle.
It was hanging on by just the skin on the right side. So, it was totally severed, just hanging on by the skin.
So, it was there, but it wasn't there. That makes sense. He had cuts all in his face and arms and side.
He had broken all the ribs on the left side of his body. He just...
He was not there and he had flatlined on the table. They had to resuscitate him twice while he was being operated on after the accident.
Anyway, fast forward.
He...
He survived. There's so much more to this story I could tell you, but at the end he survived and he had to go through physical training and he had to go through so much.
And I tell y'all, the devil, the devil tried to end our relationship while he was in the hospital.
I had this female coming to tell me stuff. This female calling, go, I'm going to just show up because he loved me before.
He met you and just all kinds of stuff that could have made me say, you know what? I'm not even married to him yet.
I'm not putting up with this crap, but instead I stood firm and his brother was there to hold my hand and say, he loves you. He loves you.
He's never cheated on you. Don't worry about this stuff. And I didn't. God told me I've got you.
But more than that, before the accident, I had somebody tell me that is your husband.
That's the guy God has purposed for you. Didn't even know him. Didn't even know I was in a relationship with him.
So I knew this was my husband. I knew it and I stood firm.
And the day he got out of the hospital, he came home in a wheelchair, I brought him home about a hundred pounds lighter than he went in.
And he broke down the second he walked through the door and sat on the couch. He broke down and I had already decided mentally, I'm going to stay here to help him through this process.
But then after this, I'm going to leave. I'm going to leave because this happened and that happened and this happened while he was in the hospital.
But what happened was through the process of my husband becoming whole again, I fell in love with him.
I fell in love with me. And I was there every step of the way. And he came out a new creature. And so did I.
And we came out together. This accident happened August 26, 2016. We were supposed to get married October 1, 2016.
Every time I thought of that accident, I would break down and cry.
But those tears became happy tears because I see the man that that accident brought me.
And I see the woman that that accident made me. It showed me I could love somebody unconditionally.
That wasn't my child. It showed me I really could love and hurt for somebody and yearn for somebody.
And just want I would have given anything to see him survive.
And I prayed and God delivered that accident made us so close and made us just become one.
He was 100% invested in me and I was 100% invested in him and I took that day August 26.
We couldn't have got married August 26, but I made it to where we got married around that date so I could change that negative event and make it into something positive.
Our wedding date is August 25, 2018.
I had to wait for him to heal my husband came home in a wheelchair and I was able to help him go from wheelchair to Walker from Walker to came from came to hobbling from hobbling to now his pimp daddy style again.
I was able to put all 100 pounds back on him to so and I was able to see him smile and laugh and move like he used to and y'all.
Every once in a while I look at this frame I had made this iron thing and it says McQueen established August 25, 2018 and I look at that.
And I remember August 26, 2016.
And I smile.
Because what was it meant to destroy us. It made us stronger. All those people, all three of them.
There were three that the devil position.
At a time when so many other people would have said I don't need this and would have walked away.
I didn't do that.
I didn't do that people in his own family, bringing stress and strife and hatred at a time when there shouldn't have been anything but love.
But I stood firm.
People coming out of the woodwork thinking he's going to die. So let me shoot my shot.
Which caused me to lose my mind a couple of times I want to choke people out.
But I stood firm.
I didn't even get in their chest. I didn't say anything.
He was only engaged to you but I used to be there for much longer. So let me come up here and let me do this, that, this and that.
Because I'm going to be the one when he comes out he's going to realize.
But I stood firm and I let them be.
I didn't even get in their chest.
But when he came out, he's second and he doubled down.
And I didn't say a word. I didn't ask him to.
I just knew God's will would be done.
May thy fathers will be done.
And here we are now being crowned by so many as a perfect couple and we are.
We're perfectly perfect for each other in our imperfections and it wasn't easy.
This is 10 years in the making. I see some couples I have a couple of couples.
I admire greatly the Langs.
I mean Leo and his wife Debbie and I'm sure it was a road for them.
But I look at them and I smile and my heart boils over.
I've put some couples together.
And they still thank me to this day for having the best relationships they've ever had in their life.
I admire other people's relationships.
So it's not far fetched that people admire my but it's not easy.
I put in work. My husband puts in work.
We have to roll our eyes sometimes when I used to eat sunflower seeds and have holes everywhere.
He would just shake it off.
I know she's going to clean it up.
Disgusting habit but it's her habit and she had it when I met her when he bites his nails and spits them.
I have to look at it roll my eyes.
Disgusting habit but he had it when I met him.
It doesn't take away the love that we have for each other.
God has blessed us to see true love this lifetime.
Don't shoot yourself.
You have somebody in your life that you love and they love you but they have some imperfections.
What? So do you.
You might not see them but other people do.
Suck it up.
Don't ruin what God has blessed you with.
Looking for somebody who doesn't have that imperfection.
You're going to find it but then they're going to have another imperfection and they're going to have another.
You have to take a moment like I did and pause and see what it is about you.
That makes you push people away.
What it is about you that makes you think you're so perfect that you deserve perfection because you're never going to find it.
You have somebody good in your life cherish it and it doesn't have to be a sexual or marriage to be a friendship.
Don't throw away good friends.
It could be a sibling relationship.
It could be a friendship.
I'm sorry like a relationship with family cousins aunties whatever it is.
I'm praying that everybody with a broken relationship now does the right thing.
Pray about it and release whatever little nuances about them that bother you.
We don't live in a perfect world.
Thank you for listening to my relationship and about Q and I and the love we have for one another.
Remember we are perfect for one another in our imperfect lives.
Have a great day on purpose.
This is me Sonia.
You can find me at Sonia M at Gmail.
You can find me at SONIAM at LeadbyMotivation.com or you can hit us up at LeadbyMotivation07 at Gmail.com.
I love hearing from you guys.
And tell me about your relationship and don't forget about my newsletter.
If you want to get this free newsletter hit me up.
I'll send it to you.
Have a great day.