Good morning. Good afternoon and good evening everybody. It's your girl Sonya McQueen with It's Your Life. What are you doing with it?
Here we go. This is day three. I hope they have been in a row of if you don't protect them, be prepared to love them.
This is the third and hopefully final episode, but if not, listen, I love feedback. I love it.
I did this podcast for almost a year with only feedback from three people and they were consecutive people and consecutive.
They were the same person, people over and over again, which I adore because they believed in me and they listened to my podcast, but I love feedback from people I don't know or people I barely know or people who barely know.
I love it. I love it. Love it. Love it. It gives me poise to think because y'all, I am not a therapist. I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not a sociologist. I'm none of those things.
I'm just a normal, everyday woman just trying to figure out stuff day by day. I don't have all the answers. I don't have most of the answers. I have a few of the answers and they're my answers.
They're not your answers. Sometimes they can be your answers, but everything I say isn't for everybody.
Sometimes some of the things I say are specifically for you and this is one that seemed to be for a lot of people.
I spoke about protecting people, protecting our kids, protecting friends and family when other people are being rude or nasty or whatever, not just turning a blind eye but actually building bridges, not what did I call it?
Don't be a shit stirrer. Cover the pot. Be a pot coverer instead. Maybe I shouldn't use that word so much. I'm very comfortable using it now, but I need to stop that.
Now today I want to cover one more thing that came up in discussion. Talking about protecting them or losing them, sometimes we get so enthralled in our own heaviness, in our own misery, in our own sadness and depression that we don't do it on purpose but we forget about those around us.
As adults sometimes we're just so broken or sad that we forget our kids are watching us or our mate is still there.
Or as somebody at work, you know a boss, you're in charge of something or somebody or whatever and you have so much misery going on, maybe not at work, maybe at home and you're bringing it to work and the people around you notice and you're failing your team.
You're not doing the best you can be doing at work. Whatever the situation, you know, we've got to find a way to find health and healing within ourselves and within each other.
When you see somebody hurting, you've really got to reach out with a loving hand. A loving hand. And if you don't know how to do that, put it on somebody who does to help them.
Now I'm going to say depression can be clinical and sometimes there's nothing you can do. You know, you do the best you can but it's embedded as clinical. We can't help but we can still watch and love and care.
You know, it doesn't always end in a kumbaya moment. Sometimes it ends in tragedy, but it's still worth a learning point. You learn from some, I hate to say it, but it's true, you learn from tragedy sometimes.
So, it is hard to deal with tragedy. It is hard to deal with tragedy, but we've got to remember sometimes a tragic moment hits and it hits us so hard but we forget there are still living, breathing people around us waiting to see how we're going to handle that.
And our moves and our behaviors sometimes brings more depression and more tragedy instead of understanding and healing.
I'm going to give you an example. And this is something that was brought to my attention actually before my podcast that I said I wanted to have somebody else speak to you guys on about but anyway, when I gave my son up for adoption, it was a very dark time in my life, very dark.
But I had another daughter, she was two. And I had to take care of my two year old, you know, she's two and, and I'm doing the best I can to be the best mom I can be but it changed me to where I didn't want to keep being so irresponsible.
I was still irresponsible but not so much to where I, if I got for bed, ended up pregnant again and single that I would be homeless again and not able to take care of a child and have to give up another one.
But I made some necessary changes to where I was a little bit more reliable and still spending time with my daughter, not as much as I should have or could have but still spending time and being the best mom that could be at that time.
But let's fast forward to where I did get married and, you know, then separated from my husband I had my youngest daughter, and I'm doing the most. I'm being the present mom and spending quality time and they come first and them them them them them them them them.
But the day I found out what I found out about my son, if you've ever read my book you know what I'm talking about.
I hated life.
And I became suicidal and my thoughts were all negative.
And I forgot. I forgot temporarily that I was a mom to two beautiful girls.
I was so selfish in my thoughts. All I thought about was me and my feelings and, and how dare I gave up this child and, and forgot about this child for 14 years.
I forgot and went on with my life. And here I am now wallowing in myself petty and just wanting to be gone and wanting hoping and praying nobody knew and just wanting to be dead.
And I forgot. I had two daughters that I needed to be there for me present for and be living for and never even talked to them about their brother, because I didn't think he existed.
I never shared with them what I went through because I just wanted to forget it and act like it never happened. As a matter of fact, I don't think it did happen in my mind back then.
I forgot. I forgot because I was so selfish in my misery and my depression. And I had I lived there for much longer.
I would have fed my kids all kinds of poison and not the love I had been shoveling in them.
They would have been confused because they wouldn't have known what made mom so sad all of a sudden to where now she's not even present for us anymore. And it would change the trajectory of our lives.
But God, thank Lord, I was already present and a member of a church that was very, very prevalent in my healing and growth.
Now, it took a minute. I was super depressed, but I knew how to fake it. You know, the fake it till you make it.
I say make it so you don't have to fake it, but I think that and I would go to church and smile this fake smile and go home and cry.
And I'd be around my kids and try my best to smile and be happy. But I wasn't the same mom I was before I got that news.
It took me to see something for me to snap out of what I was in and that was to see my son and to see his happiness and with his hands himself, his genuine love for me, even though he didn't know me to bring me back around.
But in the midst of that, I purposely killed relationships. I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want friends. I didn't think I deserved them. I didn't want love. I didn't think I deserved it.
And here's the crazy part. Nobody really realized this isn't her. This isn't her. What happens is a couple of people were like, no, we're going to come check on you.
We're going to see and I basically ran them away and they ran away. They left. I don't blame them. Don't think I'm blaming them.
But all the years some of those people knew me. The decade some of those people knew me. They didn't think what's wrong with her.
They didn't really check on her and see this isn't her. They just left me alone at my request.
Guys, when somebody's behavior changes drastically and they become a totally different person, protect them, see what's going on with them.
Even if they say, leave me the hell alone, just take a step back. But don't take your hands off of them. Don't do it. Don't do it.
You just never know internally what is eating at them and you never know what your prayers and your love could do to change their situation.
I honestly did run all my friends away. I kept hold of the ones who love me, but they love me with an agenda because I felt like that's what I deserved.
They love me as long as I didn't do better than them. They love me as long as I was hurting or mad. They love me as long as they could feed me foolishness.
And it's not to knock them down. They love me on those terms because that's what they knew. But all the people who love me with God's love, with all my faults and failures and didn't care about my story
and spoke positively into my life and breathed positivity into my kids' lives, I got rid of them. And at my request, they left me alone.
But now today I will say, if I have a friend in that same situation, I will not leave them alone. I will not. I will protect them. I will love them.
Even if I have to take a little break and just sit in the mist and pray with all my heart, their protection and their love and God's guidance, I'm not going to ever leave them.
Especially if they have people who depend on them. They have kids. They have family. They have others who love them.
Because I don't want them to sink and then start putting them in their boat that is forever just dissipating and sinking.
And they've put a little pinhole in that boat and they're in the middle of the ocean and they're all alone.
But slowly they're bringing this person in and that person and that person is just sinking with them because they don't know that all they have to do is put a piece of gum in that hole.
And now that hole is getting bigger and bigger and bigger and they're sinking faster and faster and faster and nobody understands it's just the boat.
We can pull up in our vessel and pull them to safety and just protect them and grab them and bring them to something.
Bring them to solid ground. We don't do it because we feel as though oh well said leave them alone.
Or maybe you know I tried and I tried and they keep walking away from me so I'm going to leave them alone then we forget about them.
Let's protect each other y'all. I've been there. I've been there. There's no way. There's no way that someone I care about can tell me to go away and I go.
You know I told this story not too long ago but I had family members I absolutely adored.
Like they could have made such major differences in my life but because another family member said things about me they stopped talking to me.
Now not that I did anything to anybody. They said things about me that seemed like I was harming myself.
And you would think that as a family member if it was true or even if you thought it was true you would reach out to me and give me love.
Hey listen I love you. Don't hurt yourself anymore. Don't do drugs.
Which for the millionth time I never did but don't do drugs. You know don't go down that rabbit hole.
We come from a family of alcoholics. It's a drug. Don't do that. Instead what they chose to do was talk about me and turn their backs on me and never talk to me again.
How do you think that helped me? Now mind you they're basing the way they treat me off of a lie but let's pretend it was true.
How do you think never talking to me again and closing the door on me helps me?
How do you think that would help me if I was a drug addict?
Mind you you're all alcoholics but you're judging me on something somebody else told you about me.
Because you all got together and it makes you feel better to think well I might drink but she does drugs.
She's horrible. As I open this next six pack or as I open this new bottle of gin.
She might be on drugs or I might be a womanizer. I might be a hoe cheating all the time but she's on drugs.
Now let me go cheat again. I might hit my spouse every once in a while but she's on drugs. You don't want her in your house. Drug addicts steal.
They lie. They do whatever to take drugs. I gotta cut off all communication with her. No. You protect me. You reach out to me. You do an intervention.
If you really believe what you heard but you don't shut me out and talk about me.
And hold me to the lowest level that you can hold me to. Now I know this sounds super sad but I promise you guys I'm better for it.
I was super sad. Oh my God there was one family member. I loved her like I love a mom.
And my feelings were super hurt. I kept trying to call her and kept trying to call her and kept trying to call her.
And after a couple years, years y'all, I got her on the phone. I was like oh my God where have you been? I've been missing you.
And she said oh I thought you were somebody else. I wouldn't answer. I can't tell you how heartbroken I was because I know for a fact I never did anything but love this person and regard everything they said and did as favor in my life.
She was like a missing mom. And then her kids stopped talking to me and everybody stopped talking to me and I had no idea why.
Other than this one rumor about me being on drugs.
That's it. You cut me out of your life because of that but I'm going to tell you guys something. It helped me grow.
It helped me grow. I could promise you probably a year ago I spoke about the same thing and I was crying on the podcast.
Whether y'all knew it or not.
But that helped me grow and it helped me do what I'm doing now. It helped me reach out and help other people. It helped me be a voice of the voiceless.
A home for the homeless. A friend to the friendless.
It helps me be more mature and not talk about people. Not call other people to talk to discuss other people's demise. Their sadness. Their shortcomings because I got my own.
I don't even want to talk about mine. Why do I want to talk about yours?
You know I got to look in the mirror every day and see me and see whatever faults I have.
And if you have faults it's okay we all do. The things you can change change them.
Don't just talk about them or dislike them. Change them.
You don't like the fact that you're heavy. Do some exercise. Stop eating so much.
And if it's not because you're eating so much do some exercise. If it's because of your health.
Some people have thyroid issues. You can't help that.
So don't be hard on yourself and don't allow other people to make you feel bad that you have a condition you can't change.
Love you.
You know I said on another podcast that I looked at a picture of me I took recently and I was like oh my god when did I gain that weight?
Instead of just sitting around whining about it y'all. I'm going to stop snacking at night. I don't know what it is when nighttime hits.
I'm not hungry all day when nighttime hits. I want every snack in the house.
And the crazy thing is I have every snack in the house. If you think about it I probably have it.
I got to stop buying all those snacks. I got to buy healthier snacks. More fruit. I love fruit.
But I'd rather go pick up the donuts than to eat those cherries in the fridge.
I'd rather go get some chocolate ice cream than eat that yogurt.
It's crazy the way your mind works.
But I can do something about it. Everybody can't. But I can. So I'm going to change it.
And I'm going to lose this 25 pounds I found out I gained over the last year.
But I'm not going to be down on myself because of it because it doesn't change my heart or my personality.
Nobody's walking around here calling me fat. My kids think I'm beautiful. My husband just calls me gorgeous all the time.
I sent a picture to my friend and she's talking about girl nobody notices that stomach.
They notice the total package. You know how that made me feel? Wonderful.
And I wasn't even searching for it.
Protect each other, you guys. Protect each other. Protect yourself.
Don't allow other people to hurt you and break you. Don't allow that.
I've said it a billion times. People are joy stillers. They don't want to see you be great.
They're envious. They're jealous. But they just don't want to see other people happy.
And you know what? When you're unhappy, they tell you all what was me. Don't be sad. Come on now.
But then when you become happy, they want you to go back to being sad.
You got to be your biggest cheerleader. You've got to be your biggest cheerleader.
You know who loves you unconditionally God.
And he placed people around you for different reasons. That season's reasons or a lifetime is real.
If somebody has a season, let them go. Don't try to hold them.
Quit trying to hold people in your lifetime that was just for a season or a reason.
And reasons are real too. You have a conversation with somebody one time and they give you some gems.
Don't give them your number and now you guys become best buds.
But all they do now is talk negativity. You have to realize that and realize, oh, when I first met them,
they told me this, this, this and I needed that information. They weren't meant for a lifetime.
Let them go. Let them go.
I know people like that. I know people that I met and when I met them, it was amazing because what we talked about at the time was prevalent to my future.
But then after that, it was foolishness and I realized it was foolishness and I let them go.
I let them go.
I realized they're not part of my lifetime. But I also met somebody who when I first met them and sat with them and talked to them.
I thought they were on foolishness and I was going to let them go.
But thank God I didn't because what they said was just breathing life into my future and they are part of my lifetime.
Don't get it twisted. You don't always know right away.
Think about it. Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions about people.
Don't be so quick to think everybody wants to be your friend.
And don't be so quick to just cut people off.
I'm an in on that. It's me, your girl, Sonya McQueen. You know how to find me Sonya M at leadbymotivation.com or lead by motivation 07 at Gmail.com.
I am loving the messages I'm getting now. Thank you so much for listening and just taking a second to drop me a line.
I read everything and I take everything to heart because once again, I don't know everything. I only know what I know.
And some of the things I know only fit me in my life.
But if I'm fitting you in your life, praise God. Have a great day on purpose y'all.