Good morning. Good afternoon and good evening everybody. It's your girl Sonya McQueen with it your life. What are you doing with it?
So today I have another part to I get so excited about doing
additions to podcast I've already done, but I did a podcast yesterday titled
if you don't protect them be prepared to lose them and
And occasionally I'll have a conversation with somebody or somebody's about a podcast and
It'll lead to further discussion that I want to share with you all because that's what I do
So I really want to hone in on our children
our grandchildren our great-grandchildren our nieces and nephews and
And even family friends that that routine as you know
Family like people who were so close with were damn near family even though we're not blood related and sometimes
Those are the people you're closest to right? Let's let's be honest sometimes your family
is
Very skeptical of you or you're the black sheep or your family is dysfunctional or whatever it is and you develop
Friendships that are more like family ships than your actual family
But let's talk about that the kids in these families
And once again, they don't have to be your children
Your adult children your young children they can be but they don't have to be
So I'm gonna give you an example because that's what I do
My grandkids they're still here
Y'all this is the last week and as much as I love them they were fun
It was great to have them. They're excellent when I tell you they're good kids
But they don't sleep you guys and when I say they don't sleep
They literally don't sleep like the doctors want to medicate it. They don't sleep
They'll be up only the twins until four five six seven eight in the morning and
Sometimes they get loud and I get up out of my sleep to go tell them to shut the hell up or else
And then usually they get a little quiet because they think I'm crazy, but there's never an or else and
It's been ten weeks and
I'm excited that their mother's coming to get them until next summer when I can't wait to have them all over again, but
To use them as an example
They all have tablets. I bought them tablets a couple of years ago and they've been upgraded since by a
relative on their daddy side, so
What I'll do is when I'm really busy like if I'm working when when they weren't in camp anymore
when I was working or cooking or whatever I just let them be on their tablets and
on the weekend sometimes
I'm specifically Sundays if I'm fixing a big dinner. I'll get up. I'll clean up
I'll start laundry after my Bible time and then I will start cooking dinner
But while I'm in the midst of cleaning stuff for dinner if they get up
I'll fix them something to eat and then I got to clean that and I'm just busy
I'm busy the entire day like I won't leave this house and I will have
I
Hit my my workout mark just walking around in this house and moving around in this house
I will have burned all the calories. I generally set to burn when I go running
But anyway
I'll just let them be on their tablets the whole time and what I noticed was
Even though a lot of nights I would make them take the tablets downstairs at nine o'clock at night
And they couldn't use them again until the next day. Sometimes I would forget
Those days I forgot
They would be on those tablets until four or five in the morning
and
What really made me mad?
was the other day actually
My husband and I went to a wedding. I said it in the lock last podcast I believe and
I heard this noise like at seven in the morning
And I'm thinking it's my husband downstairs watching TV. I get up and
The kids are in the kitchen having cereal. I'm gonna tell you guys now if those kids don't get up before noon
There's no way in the world and I told my husband
I don't think they've been asleep and he said they haven't been
But they were in their eating cereal on their tablets and they had been on their tablets the entire night not to mention
Friday I was very very busy. So they were on their tablets all Friday
It rained so we didn't get to go outside
They were in the house on the tablets the entire day all the way till eight in the morning almost on Saturday
And like I said that made me mad but not at them at myself. I
Don't even check sometimes to see what they're doing on their tablets because I feel like oh their kids tablets
They're they're made by Amazon for kids. But what does that mean? They still can get on TikTok
They can still do certain things. So
What I had them do was go I said as soon as you're done eating put your stuff in the sink and
I need you to leave your tablets downstairs
And go get in bed. They said okay
And that's what they did and they went and got in that bed and passed out now had I let them take those tablets
They still would have been awake on those tablets because those tablets they
mesmerize our kids
TikTok and all these videos and everything it mesmerizes adults
Adults I have more adults sending me videos even I do it
I send my kids stuff all the time and my husband sends me stuff and I send him stuff
That's different for me because I am an adult and I can
Distinguish between what's good and what's bad what's right and what's wrong
What's just a joke and what's serious they can't distinguish that yet
They can't distinguish that and it's our job
To ensure that they're getting quality time
voice the voice face the face not tablet the eyes
Not tablets the ears
My grandbabies know every single
TikTok dance there is every last one of them my daughter put on a complex
Complicate complication
TikTok songs and it'll play a TikTok song for like 10 15 seconds and all these songs have dances and she played it
and
The girls dance to every single song and when I say they didn't just dance wildly they dance thing unison
They knew the dances collectively which is cute
Which is cute
But it made me think did they learn this here
Did they spend so much time here on their tablets that they had the time to learn?
30 TikTok dances
It bothered me about me not them because they're kids and they're only gonna do what we allowed them to do
So what I told my daughter the day me and my husband went to the wedding
She came over to our house to watch them, but I told her they're gonna be sleep
She needed to be at our house at 11 o'clock. I made them go to bed about eight
So I said they're gonna be asleep if they wake up before three o'clock make them go laid back down
If they wake up and they're hungry feed them and make them lay back down
But they didn't wake up until after three and I told her when they wake up no
tablets
Guess what y'all
Even when I tell them to take their tablets downstairs at nine o'clock even when I tell them no tablets today
They're okay with that. It's what we allow them to do
When we came in the house our house looked like a little rumble room and that was fine, but everybody was running around having fun
My daughter dragged my little trampoline out of the garage. It was in the middle of our living floor
They're playing on it my baby grandbaby the one-year-old was playing on she running around
Laughing and and telling people no and stop and go and do and they were having kid
fun
Playing games
Jumping around dancing laughing having a ball
Me and my husband got home about
530 from the wedding and we all sat here until about
730 before my daughter finally left and the entire time nobody asked about a tablet
Nobody when she left it calmed down after a while
I put on a movie and one of the kids said grandma can we get on our tablets and I said
Are you hungry?
They were like, yes, I said I tell you what let's make a deal y'all eat dinner and then you can get on your tablets for two hours
They were fine with that
They had their dinner they got on their tablets. I went and showered. I had everybody bathed
They came back downstairs. We watched TV together for a while. They went upstairs
What I know for a fact is as much as they like those tablets
It's only because that's what we allow
They absolutely love
quality time
Those kids love when I say let's go for a walk. I told you guys on another podcast
It was it's almost like me saying let's go to Disney
They are screaming happy can't wait to go put on their shoes so they can exert energy
We go a mile mile and a half
I try not to go too much further because of the four-year-old
But those twins they are running in the four-year-old just running and laughing and playing tag and doing the
utmost if I say hey, let's go to the park
Let's go to the beach. Let's go to the movies. Let's go out and eat
They're on 10
It's like over and over again. I'm like, let's go to Disney. Let's go to the romper room. Let's go to Chuck E. Cheese
Let's go to the jump trampoline masia
They love quality time it's on us
It's on us
What that looks like to us if we just don't want to be bothered and we keep a kid in front of a TV in
Front of a phone in front of a tablet in front of a computer. That's what they're gonna do
And that's where they're gonna get their imaging
That's where they're gonna get their imaging
I
Am not knocking anybody
But I've seen
What little Kim looked like because I was a little Kim fan when little Kim hit the stage
with notorious bi g and I look at little Kim now I
Seen
What Nicki Minaj looked like when she first hit the stage
With her seven personalities that somehow now she doesn't have
And what she looks like now I see what Cardi B looked like
When she first hit the stage my whole point is I've even heard songs where people are talking about their
How they had to go get a BBL had they had to go do this thing you went in there rapping about it
Like it's such a treasure and then of course the kids want to do it
And I said in a previous podcast how these rappers are singing about popping mollies and smoking and
and mixing
Cops syrup with this and that and and getting a high and
Then the kids want to emulate that
But you know why the kids want to emulate all that that's because that's what we keep letting them see and hear every day
Because we're busy
We want to watch TV. We want to watch this movie. So yeah, yeah, go get on your tablet
So I could sit here and watch this movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm on the phone
Go go go away
is
One thing if you're like me and I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back for this
But I'm hardly ever on my phone and if I am I try to limit the amount of time even if the kids aren't here
I don't like to spend hours on the phone talking to one person. I
Don't like that because I'm taking away from quality time with people right here in my presence. I
Don't like that especially if you work a nine to five you go to work and you come home on your phone and you're on your phone
And you're on your phone and then you hang up and you on the phone with somebody else
When do you have time for the person sitting right in the room with you?
right in the same house and
Then you surprise the man when they want to go hang out or go do something. Yeah, because you're not present
I've never been big on that so when I am on the phone and
The kids come talking to me and they don't really want nothing. I do tell them I am on the phone, you know better
Because I'm only on the phone for a few minutes and I'm hardly ever when I tell y'all I'm hardly ever on the phone
I'm talking I plan my phone calls. I tell my friends. Hey, I'm gonna call you Wednesday and it's Sunday when I say it
And they all know okay, well, I know you busy or I know you don't like to be on the phone long
So I'm gonna let you go. I've already said that precedence and you know when I said it about 20 years ago
I've always been like this
I've never been the type to just like to be on the phone. Yeah, I've been in talking and yeah
But even when I started this podcast, I told you guys I don't like to talk a lot
So I don't know how I'm gonna do these podcasts, but by the grace of God
I'm running my mouth and I'm getting them done
But anyway, you have the parent who loves to be on the phone. I
remember this one girl telling me
Her mother would pick her up from school and her mother be on the phone laughing loud yack yack yack and
Texting and driving and swerving and
She's noticing all this at the time. She was eight
She's noticing all this
And she was telling me and my husband one day how she doesn't like that
She doesn't like that, but she can't say anything because that's her mom
And I'm telling her, you know, of course I talked to her first. Do you love your mom? Of course I do
Does your mom love you? Of course she does
Are you able to talk to your mom about other things? Of course. Are you scared of your mom? No
Then why can't you talk to your mom about that?
You talked to your mom about how
you're concerned for her safety and
That you would like to spend quality time with her, but she was feeling this. I don't know if she ever did
but the point is
Our kids notice
Everything and they hear I don't care if they don't say a word. They are sponges. They soak up what we say
And if they really love us they regard it as the truth
Remember that they soak up what we say and they regard it as the truth
If we're on the phone talking mad junk about sister so-and-so and brother so-and-so and we can't stand this person that person
Don't be surprised when your kids on the phone talking about
Schoolmate so-and-so and schoolmate so-and-so and how they can't stand them and they're just emulating you
Don't jump on them
Fix your behaviors
And if you are one of those parents that just throw uh, I remember I gave a podcast about me going for a job interview
at a children's
clinic it was a clinic for kids and
It was no exaggeration to say
Every single child in that waiting room and it was an overflowing waiting room because there were people sitting on the floor
Every child even the child in the stroller had a phone or a tablet in their hand
every last one of them
I looked from parent to parent from child to child there was a tv in the lobby
And the tv was on mood sounds
What child wants to see that? That's a child sitting on the floor
And the tv was on mood sounds. What child wants to see that? That's that sleep, you know
Not sleep music, but were they if you if you time out your computer and you lock it
And you could have a picture of a mountain or something and if you put the music behind it the soft play in music
That's what i'm talking about. That's what that was on their tv
at a children's clinic
I don't care what cartoon you put up there put up something that is gender and
race and nationality neutral
I don't care what it is those kids are gonna look at it and then talk to your parents about just
Taking those devices for a moment from the kids pay attention
To the people in your lobby that bothered me that bothered me immensely
Now it bothered me because I was disturbed by the lack of communication there doesn't mean that they're like that all the time
Doesn't mean like they're like that, but they were like that there and all of them were a hundred percent of them
You guys
When you see something like that, especially in your family, there's nothing wrong
Even if you can't get up and run around or anything, there's nothing wrong with pulling out a board game
Kids might aw at first, but why don't you start playing? They're all in
they're all in
there's nothing wrong with getting some cards and teaching them id clear war or um
I forgot that other game that kids play go fish
Going to get some uno cards if you're not, you know able to get up and run around
But if you are go for a walk with them kids get up and jump around with them dance with them laugh with them chase them play
Play um hide and seek with them
We gotta get back to a time when kids are kids
When kids are kids
When did it become okay for kids at seven and eight to be watching half-naked people?
They on videos now are soft porn
And we're letting our kids watch them
I can honestly say my daughter has something on these tablets to where the kids can't get a lot of things
But I still look to see what they can get
I wasn't at first because I'm thinking ah their kids tablets, but that means nothing
That means nothing these days
When my kids were younger
I used to check their phone just randomly phone check. Give me your phones
And I would look to see who they were texting what they were texting
The language they were using
And what they were doing on their phones back then there was no tick-tock and all this other social media stuff
Now my kids were born in 90 and 92 and 98, but I only had the 90 and 98
And of course there were phones and things became more prevalent later
But I just checked their phones more and they never knew when I was going to check their phones
It would just be random and I could honest the gods say
At every single time I checked their phones except once
One time my oldest daughter used some cursing in there
She was talking about me too by the way, but she was cursing in there and that was the only time
I ever seen anything inappropriate in their phones
But I can honestly say
I spent quality time with my kids. We put together puzzles
We hardly ever watched TV. We would sit around and put together a puzzle together. We would read together
We we made up dances together. We danced. We exercised. We had fun
We would go to movies. We had date nights every Friday every Wednesday with theme night
We had a good time and just as a reminder theme night every Wednesday
One of us one of them it was never me would pick a theme. Let's just say the theme was hamburgers
Every Wednesday we would have a hamburger
And if you can't afford to go out
To a different restaurant
Make hamburgers at home just try different ways
But what we would do if if taiisha picked
hamburgers, we're gonna have hamburgers. We would pick
Every Wednesday for that month a different place. We never had a burger
Pizza we would pick a different place. We never had pizza before to have pizza
No matter what it was Italian. We will find four different Italian restaurants. We had never been to
Sub sandwiches whatever it was. I tried to make sure it stayed under because I was always on a budget
So we never it was never like a new
Five-star restaurant. It was always somewhere simple tacos hamburgers pizza
Sub sandwiches things like that, but it was fun
And it was something they looked forward to their month to pick that theme and then to go to a different place
But I spent quality time is my point with my girls
I didn't just throw them in front of a tv or a computer now. I told you guys at one point
I was doing here five days a week
And working and I noticed that I wasn't able to spend as much quality time with my kids
So I quit my job and got a better job
That didn't take away as much time, but that quality time was important
And I'm very proud of it now
Which is what I really wanted to do with my grandkids just spend quality time with them because
They go back to Missouri and I'm here as much as I say they
They kept me awake sometimes
It was still a treasure to spend this 10 weeks with them because the next 42 weeks
They won't be around me except when I come to visit for a couple of days
Y'all let's try our best to get our kids not to be so enthralled on what's going on
On social media and what stars and it's crazy. It's crazy little two three four year olds parents making
Pages for them
And just constantly got cameras in front of these kids faces because they want to
Their kids to be the next great
Beyonce they want their kid to be the next the baby. They want their kid to be the next
I don't even know who this is, but honey boo boo. I guess she's a model. I I have no idea. I've heard the name but
Let your kid just be whatever name you gave them
Let them just be your kid
Let them just be your grand kid. Let them just be your niece and nephew
You got to think about this not only are you walking around all day with a camera in your hand
So you can videotape them, but you're subjecting them to constantly being on social media
Because that's what you think they should be
It's not there. Nothing's wrong with catching your kids. Sometimes something fun or funny and
But when you have to do it every day and you're doing take after take after take like they're a movie star on a set
You've got to reevaluate some things
You really do
You really really do I've heard my kids. I sent my daughter a picture of these beautiful girls. Oh my god
Just simply gorgeous, but one of them looks like my granddaughter in london to me
Um, but one of the girls has blue eyes and the other one has a blue eye and a brown eye beautiful girls
And I sent my daughter a picture and said if if she closes her eyes and you can't see the blue eyes
She looks exactly like london my daughter replied
I agree
I've watched these girls grow up on social media. They're famous
Um, they've they've always been on social media and I thought wow that's exciting
But is it exciting to the kids
I'm gonna give you this one last point and I'm a go
It's been a long time since I did a 30 minute podcast
When I was stationed in Missouri I had
Neighbors and they had these beautiful girls beautiful
And as a matter of fact the mom used to put the girls in all these pageants
Beautiful girls
They would be in pageant after pageant after pageant and the mom she just thought thaiisha was a gorgeous girl and she was
She still is if you haven't seen my baby. She's absolutely gorgeous these deep dimples these high cheekbones these huge
Omni eyes that are cat shaped naturally beautiful. Don't need a lick of makeup
Um, and she used to try to get me to put thai in pageants and I refused
And one day the lady didn't even like me, but for some reason she really thought my daughter should be in pageants
so one day
We were standing outside me in another neighbor and she walked up and she was telling me about a pageant
And I'm smiling and listening and I said, okay, and then she asked me why don't I ever put my daughter in pageants and I'm a
Samize what I say because I don't remember my exact words, but I told her
I'm her mom
if I put her in all these pageants, I'd have to stop doing everything I do
And eventually hope she can take care of us when that's my job and she's not old enough to make a decision about whether that's what she wants or not
I would be making that decision for her
I'd be making a decision about what she needs to do for the rest of her life or for this moment
Because that's what I want. I'm gonna live my life through. I told her I'm not I'm not like that
I want my child just to have fun and when she gets older or if she wants to be a model she can pursue that
But I'm not doing that and that lady got so mad. She didn't say anything to my face
But she was mad because she thought I was judging her and I wasn't
I was giving her an answer to her question
I wanted my child just to be a child and decide on her own
If that's the route she wanted to take
And it wasn't a route she wanted to take
And you guys I'm positive I could have put her
Ty would have been in magazine. She would have been here and there and maybe she would have liked it if she did it
But when she was old enough to make her decision, that's not the route she wanted to take
Now I'm gonna talk about tweet and a lot of listeners no tweet tweets my youngest and tweet can play
Probably any instrument you put in her hand she can say when I say she could sing
that girl can
She can sing and I am talking on
You take almost anybody
Level she can sing on that level she can um
She has a perfect pitch perfect pitch. She she can hit those
Mariah Carey, um
I can't think of my favorite. She's the C's now
Um singer notes shanty more notes or she can sing some low notes
And she could play all these instruments and she could dance and she's a size zero even after having a child
So she's got this model body. She's got these deep dimples these pretty beautiful girl
And she did everything she was in dance. She was in bass
Bass guitar guitar classes. She took piano lessons. She took um
Acting lessons. She took vocal lessons. She clear a net. Um
You think about it. She did it
But as she grew up because I'm thinking I'm spending all this money this girl's doing
Everything and she's doing everything well people are asking her to sing that
Background on there. Oh, we want you to sing we want you and she was telling everybody she didn't want to do that
One day I said tweet. I'm spending all this money
You're gonna do something with these talents. You're gonna do something and it made her sad
To know that I was gonna make her
Do something
Besides she just enjoyed these talents
And so I backed up but what I did tell her is I'm not gonna keep spending all this money
But you can enjoy this all you want
I bought her she has like foreign-based guitars and a guitar
She had her own piano a keyboard and she just loved
To play them
But she didn't want to perform
For others
She has been requested by some major stars to come and sing. She went and sang for a couple of people
But for the most part
She just wants to be an ordinary everyday person
And how can I be mad when I just told you guys the other day? I've never wanted to be famous
And I've never wanted to be rich. I just wanted enough and if somebody told me you have to
You have to take this talent or what they deem as a talent
And you have to be on a bigger platform. You must do it
I don't know how I would feel either
I just want to do my podcast
And be happy and live my life you guys and I want to live behind a legacy that helps people
For generations to come
But I don't want to be forced to do it
And that's what so many of us parents do. We force our kids to sit in front of a TV
We force them to be raised by these tablets and these stars and these actresses and actors
We force them
To be TikTok sensations and Facebook sensations and Instagram successes
Instead of just letting them be
Let's let our kids be and let's teach other people to let their kids be
All right, this is your girl Sonia and I meant everything I said you have a great day on purpose
You can find me at Sonia M. S O N Y a M at ledbymotivation.com or led by motivation 07 at Gmail
Have a great day on purpose