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Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening everybody.

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It's your girl, Sonya McQueen, with It's Your Life.

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What are you doing with it?

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I wanna ask you guys a question.

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How do you handle stress in your life?

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I've spoke about stress before,

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and there are some situations I wanna tell you about,

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but I'm gonna drag them out a little bit.

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But today I'm gonna share with you

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about how I was on Ambien.

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I was on Ambien because I couldn't sleep,

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and I was on Ambien for four days.

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I couldn't sleep because of all the situations

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and circumstances at the time going on in my life,

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and maybe a month and a half of sleeping,

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a total of six to eight hours a week.

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Also stress weighs on my body differently,

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so I could be in the best of shape.

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But when stress hits me, my stomach will get bigger,

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I will gain weight overnight.

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I went from 127 pounds

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to 156 in two weeks.

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It's just really weird what my body does.

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It's like it morphs,

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like I swallow a whole person or something, I don't know.

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But no matter how much exercise I do,

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how few calories I take in a day,

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I get bigger and bigger and bigger

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when I am under a lot of stress.

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I remember taking pictures of my stomach so big

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it was touching the steering wheel,

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and you're talking about somebody who was running

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and working out daily.

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But anyway, the doctor eventually put me on Ambien,

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and within that four days period, I took the pills.

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I did the craziest, most outrageous things

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I cannot begin to tell you that I don't recollect.

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I fell down the steps, thought it was funny,

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scared the heck out of my kids,

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doing just doing crazy stuff,

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calling people I don't care for, having picked me up.

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Those are stories in themselves, the things I did,

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but when I seen proof one day of something I did

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the day before, I immediately stopped taking the pills,

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and thank God I was only on them for a few days.

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It was after that I was reading about other people

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on Ambien, getting in cars, driving, not remembering,

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turning on their oven, baking stuff, putting stuff

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that shouldn't be in the oven in the oven,

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doing just extra, extra, extra,

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and I was just thankful that I got off the pills

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as fast as I did because it was true,

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I didn't recollect the things I was doing,

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but the whole point is I was on the Ambien

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because I couldn't sleep.

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I was unable to sleep for weeks on end,

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but the reason I wasn't able to sleep

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was because I was stressed.

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I didn't put the two together back then,

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but how do you handle stress and how does it affect you?

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I remember when I was working at the Department of Health

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there was this young lady and her legs would swell so bad

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and she couldn't walk and it hurt so much,

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but the more I spoke to her, the more I thought

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it was stress related and I was talking to her,

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telling her how stress affects me,

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how it feels like an elephant sitting

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on my shoulder sometimes and I do all these pushups

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to get rid of the tightness in my shoulders and my neck,

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but it doesn't seem to help and I don't like massages,

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but how do these deep needing massages

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and buying different things and nothing was helping?

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Then I remembered the lack of sleep

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and the way my stomach would swell

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and how big I would get,

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but eating a minimum amount of food

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and burning four or five times the calories

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that I was eating and still getting bigger

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and how all that was stressed for me,

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but of course she kept going to the emergency room

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and to the doctors and so on and so forth

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and they're giving her all these medications

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and talking surgery and finally I said,

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do me a favor and just try this, try this.

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So we went for a walk one day, her legs were hurting her.

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I just said, let's get down the steps

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and then I started speaking God's word to her

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because she's very devoted to her faith

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and we started talking about her kids

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and my kids and laughing and next thing

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I knew she was walking normal y'all.

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She didn't even think about it.

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She wasn't limping, she wasn't crouched over,

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she was walking normal.

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We're walking through the parking lot

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of the Department of Health,

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just talking and laughing and walking

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and talking and laughing, she's my assistant.

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And next thing I pointed out to her,

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hey, look at how you're walking and laughing

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and we've been walking for 30 minutes

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and you haven't complained in the last 20.

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And that's when she realized, wow,

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so I think you're right, this is stress related.

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She had so much stress on her and she'd go home

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and there would be stress about certain things

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and she would come to work and talk about them

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and the people she was talking to

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would add more stress to her because they were band jumpers

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and they would make her think the worst

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of every situation she discussed

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and it would make it worse for her.

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How does stress sit on you?

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Once I learned how stress affects me and my body

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and my mind and not being able to sleep

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and do certain things, I started releasing it

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in different ways.

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How do you release the stress in your life?

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I knew I had to make changes in my life

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and not do things the same because doing the same things

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over and over thinking it was going to release the stress

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was just insane, right?

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Just insane.

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But then when I realized this is a stressor for me,

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this is a stressor.

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At one point I thought I need a psychiatrist

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and maybe some people think they need therapy.

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There's nothing wrong with therapy.

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As a matter of fact, I still think I could benefit

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from therapy but right now these podcasts

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are therapeutic for me.

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These podcasts are therapeutic.

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Writing is therapeutic.

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I'm not speaking to myself, praying all therapeutic.

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Not even when I'm bothered by somebody sitting down

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with them discussing it is therapeutic

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because sometimes it makes it worse.

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I learned who I could sit and talk to

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and who I just had to pray it away

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or change our relationship because everybody

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isn't accepting when you want to come to them

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and express how you feel.

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It doesn't mean it's right, wrong or indifferent.

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It's how you feel and you have all rights

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to express how you feel or how somebody makes you feel.

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But nothing's worse than trying to tell somebody

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how a situation made you feel

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and they are very negative about your words.

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They are resilient and they reject your feelings.

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Imagine somebody cracking jokes and they hurt your feelings

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and they're just jokes but they're making jokes

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at the expense of you.

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And later on, you see your feelings are really, really hurt

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and you try to sit down with them

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and you try to tell them, hey,

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those jokes you were cracking,

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they subliminally were about me

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and things you know about me and they get mad.

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You know what that attitude of anger is?

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It's really an attitude of guilt.

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But instead of saying, you know what?

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I didn't think about it that way.

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I apologize that I made you feel that way.

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Even if 100% they didn't mean it that way,

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they don't acknowledge your feelings.

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Instead, what they do is they become defensive

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and they tell you, that's your problem

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that you feel that way, that you're guilty,

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that this, that, that.

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And it makes it worse

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and you wish you would have never spoken to them about it

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because now you're on the outs with them over a joke.

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That's reality, you guys.

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So you have to know who you can go to

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and express yourself and they'll care about your feelings.

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Even if, you know, there was one time

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I posted something on Facebook.

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It's been over a decade

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because I closed my Facebook account for years.

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And this one I have now, I think I reopened in 2012 or 13

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when I moved to Florida maybe.

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But it's not my original one.

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My original one, I had the maximum amount of followers

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that you could have.

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And I was getting hundreds on hundreds

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of likes and comments because back then, you know,

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I was somebody to somebody, not to myself, but to somebody.

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And I'll never forget I posted something

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and somebody called me.

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And this is somebody I considered a friend

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and asked me, was there a post about them

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and started telling me, first thing I asked

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is what makes you think that post is about you?

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And they started telling me something about themselves

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that I didn't even know.

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How was my post about you

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and I didn't even know that, you know,

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but they really felt like the post was targeting them.

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That's guilt.

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I had nothing to do with that, but it incents me still.

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Even now today, well over a decade later,

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I wish I would have said the same thing, you know,

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what makes you think that?

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And once they told me, you know what,

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I apologize you went through that.

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I had no idea.

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Even though my post isn't about you

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or that situation that I didn't know about,

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would you like for me to remove it?

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Do you think other people will think it's about you?

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That's maybe how I should have handled it, but I was mad.

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I was mad that you're gonna call me

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and think my post is about you.

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And one thing I've made clear is I don't post my issues

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and I don't post other people's issues.

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If I post something and it hits you, that's either guilt

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or it's just the way it is.

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Everybody has situations every single day.

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And when somebody posts about a situation,

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maybe you're going through,

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doesn't mean that they're posting about you

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and your situation, but I could have handled it differently

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because I'm offended that you think

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I have the time to post about you.

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Instead of feeling how that person felt

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and understanding where maybe they were coming from,

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but still to this day, and we are talking

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probably 13 years ago, I remember that conversation

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and I feel badly about the way I handled it,

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but that was back then.

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Now I know better.

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Now I know when somebody has an issue

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or something's bothering them to listen to them,

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even if it wasn't my intent,

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or I don't know what they're talking about

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or their way off base, still I know to apologize

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that they feel that way, not for my actions.

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But I'm sorry you feel that way.

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You know, man, I would never do something

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to make you feel that way up.

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I'm sorry you feel that way.

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I'm not taking ownership, but I am showing I care.

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There's a huge difference because when you become defensive

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and mad over somebody trying to express something to you,

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it does a couple of things.

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Number one, it makes them not wanna come to you

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and talk to you anymore.

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Now you're gonna wonder, well, why don't you come

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and talk to me?

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Because you don't handle conversations the right way.

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You get defensive and you put up a guard

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and it makes me feel bad for trying to talk to you.

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Number two, it hurts them even more

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than initially they were hurt.

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And you really don't wanna do that.

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So you know, have an open mind,

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understand what stresses people

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and what stressors maybe you're causing

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or what stressors maybe you're bringing into your own life.

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And if you know something's a stressor,

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I know when I'm stressed, I don't sleep.

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I know when I'm stressed

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and I don't sleep for a while, my attitude changes.

264
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I know when I'm stressed

265
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,640
and I don't sleep and my attitude changes,

266
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:01,200
I say things that I don't really mean the way they come out

267
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:05,000
or I don't care about your feelings or what you think.

268
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,280
And I'm more sensitive to everything you say and do.

269
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,480
So it all starts with sleep.

270
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,640
I know I need to get sleep.

271
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,320
So I know I need to release anything that's bothering me.

272
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,320
So I've learned to communicate better.

273
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,480
I learned to open my mouth

274
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:27,000
and who is important enough for me to open my mouth to

275
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,000
and who I need to say, you know what?

276
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,160
It's not even worth my time.

277
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,720
That's just the way they are.

278
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:37,040
And my words aren't gonna make a difference.

279
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,280
And we'll saw and let it go.

280
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,600
I've learned everything doesn't need to sit on my shoulders.

281
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,000
I've learned that when people come to me with their issues,

282
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,600
I don't have to have an answer.

283
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,040
I can just have an ear.

284
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,320
I can actually just say, you know what, you wanna pray?

285
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,280
Even if they say, no, I'm gonna pray for you.

286
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,400
I'm gonna pray for that situation.

287
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:04,320
Do you mind if I share it with the prayer group

288
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:05,480
I'm a part of?

289
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,600
Can I share it with my family conference prayer group?

290
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,440
If they say yes, I do that.

291
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,880
But if they say no, I've learned not to take on

292
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,760
other people's issues because believe it or not,

293
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,240
trying to come up with answers for other people

294
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:27,080
when you have your own issues is a double stressor.

295
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,080
Been there, done that.

296
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:34,800
And I have to think about how many times maybe people called me

297
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,800
and especially in the past and just told me their issue

298
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:41,600
after issue and that's exactly why I stopped led

299
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,680
by motivation over 10 years ago.

300
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,320
Why I stopped my newsletter over 10 years ago.

301
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,080
Why I stopped traveling and speaking

302
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:54,680
as a motivational list over 10 years ago.

303
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,000
Why I pulled my books off the shelves over 10 years ago.

304
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,360
I wanted nothing to do with any of that.

305
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,560
I didn't want to hear people's issues

306
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:08,560
because I didn't know how to listen with the closed mouth.

307
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,920
I had to listen with the response

308
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,480
because I wanted to help everybody else.

309
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,640
That was my goal to help everybody else,

310
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,280
not realizing how much stress and pain and anxiety

311
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,280
it was putting on me because I hadn't even helped myself.

312
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,000
I hadn't even gotten through what my book was about.

313
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,720
I hadn't even realized how to get over the pain

314
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,360
of losing a child at my own hands.

315
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,640
But yet and still here I am,

316
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:42,640
a untrained professional with no paperwork behind me

317
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,480
to say I'm a professional,

318
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,640
trying to give advice to broken people

319
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:50,640
when I was in torn pieces myself.

320
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,960
I was in so many pieces,

321
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,600
a forensic team couldn't have put me back together.

322
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,960
So how am I gonna help somebody else?

323
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,480
And of course, that leads to what?

324
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:06,160
For me, no sleep, which means what?

325
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,520
Getting my feelings hurt easily.

326
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,240
Being an extremely emotional person,

327
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,840
stressed, worried, not wanting to talk to people,

328
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:20,520
keeping my door shut, getting rid of friends on purpose.

329
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,280
But now I know how to handle any kind of stress

330
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,840
that comes my way and I sleep y'all.

331
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,200
And if I don't sleep,

332
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,880
it doesn't have anything to do with stress.

333
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,800
I go through these periods of time where I just can't sleep.

334
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,800
My mind doesn't stop.

335
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,440
I'm thinking about my business.

336
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,200
I'm thinking about fundraising.

337
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,200
How do I begin to fundraise?

338
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,920
Why don't I have more money so I don't have to fundraise?

339
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,640
Do I apply for grants?

340
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,800
I don't have my 501c3 yet.

341
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,640
How do I get money from my business

342
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,240
that's gonna help communities?

343
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,400
In the meantime, my mind doesn't stop, my board.

344
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:58,280
What do they know?

345
00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,400
When am I gonna meet my board?

346
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,560
How do I meet my board?

347
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:01,920
I don't want them in my house.

348
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,880
Do I take everybody out to eat?

349
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:08,080
Hey, everything has my mind going.

350
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:11,080
These are good things to keep my mind going

351
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,120
because then I pray about it and I think about it

352
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:16,560
and I express it to other business-minded people

353
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,320
or people who care or people who wanna see

354
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,600
this dream come to fruition, right?

355
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,760
And it's all positive.

356
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,400
I get up to pee at midnight, I went to bed at 11,

357
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,320
now I'm wide awake because now I'm thinking about business.

358
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:35,440
And how wonderfully helpful I'm gonna be

359
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,840
to the homeless population,

360
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,600
get them from the streets into their own homes.

361
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,600
It's a good lack of sleep now.

362
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,280
And then after a couple of nights, if I still can't sleep,

363
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,760
I take a swig of Z-Quel and I'm sleep

364
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,280
for the next two days, I'm good.

365
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,240
You guys, I was a little bit all over the place,

366
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,920
but put it together, you got it, you got it.

367
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,280
Just don't allow other people to stress you.

368
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,760
If something's bothering you, know who you can go to

369
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,720
and who you can talk to about bothering you

370
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,720
and know when to release it and say,

371
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,040
it's not worth my time, why is this even stressing me

372
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:14,880
or bothering me?

373
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,880
Have a conversation with yourself.

374
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:21,880
Put it on paper, put it in your own mind and think it over.

375
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,520
Everything that you think doesn't mean it's real

376
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,400
and it doesn't mean it has to come out of your mouth

377
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,760
because you thought it.

378
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,000
Cause once it comes out, you can't take it back.

379
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,760
Just let that bullet out of that gun.

380
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,320
Once it's shot, you can't go get that bullet back,

381
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:42,600
put it back in the gun and undo what you did.

382
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,560
Your mouth is a bullet.

383
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,040
You move that tongue, start moving that air around.

384
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,760
You cannot suck those words back into your mouth.

385
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,000
Tread lightly.

386
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:56,760
It's me.

387
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,560
You can find me at Esma Queen.

388
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,160
No, I'm Sonia M.

389
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,400
I don't even remember.

390
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:07,240
I think I'm Sonia M at libbymotivation.com

391
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,960
or you can email us at libbymotivation07 at Gmail.

392
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,240
I received a couple of requests.

393
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,600
I am going to do these with guests.

394
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,160
One of my favorite guest speakers is Eric Jones.

395
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,520
I'm waiting and as soon as he's ready,

396
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,640
we're gonna come to y'all with one of these.

397
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:32,640
I think he is, he's gonna lead that podcast.

398
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,360
So I have another podcast as well

399
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,080
that I am not so familiar with.

400
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:44,160
There is a pastor that I interviewed over a decade ago.

401
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:48,600
He would be the perfect person to do a podcast

402
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,600
with this about.

403
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,640
So I'm not even gonna share it with you guys now.

404
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,760
It's going to be exciting though.

405
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,360
If I can find him and get him, oh my gosh,

406
00:19:58,360 --> 00:19:59,800
it's gonna be unbelievable.

407
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,800
Probably one of my best podcasts.

408
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,320
So everybody have a great day on purpose

409
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:10,320
and I will talk to you again soon.