1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,440 Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening everybody. It's your girl Sonya 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:11,840 McQueen with your mind, your body, your choice or. It's your life. What are you 3 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:16,720 doing with it? I think that's the name of it. I'm not sure. But anyway today I want 4 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:21,960 to come to you and talk about the middleman. You know sometimes the middleman 5 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:28,760 is a positive person and sometimes not so much. Yesterday my husband and I were 6 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:34,200 having a conversation about a couple of people we know that are what I will call 7 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:41,280 middleman. So now I'll explain with some examples. Alright so you have a 8 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:47,960 conversation with somebody. Let's just say you don't care for somebody. You're 9 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:52,560 speaking negatively about them. None of the listeners I have would do 10 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:57,880 that. But let's just pretend for the sake of this podcast that you're speaking 11 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,640 negatively about that person. You know you don't care for them. You don't care 12 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,920 for the way they do this, the way they act like this, the way they dress like 13 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:13,560 that, and you are talking about them to another person who knows them. The person 14 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:17,920 doesn't interject, which I've talked about before. If you shut down gossip it 15 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:22,440 won't happen twice. But they're entertaining it. They're laughing. Maybe 16 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:29,280 they're adding their own uh-huhs or whatever and no sooner than they leave 17 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:34,040 you they're calling the person you talked about. They are now the middleman. 18 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:40,440 They're calling that person to tell that person everything you said. Let's talk 19 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:46,360 about that negative middleman. The person who cannot wait to bring negative 20 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:51,400 words to somebody that somebody else said about them. Let's speak about what 21 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:58,120 prompts them to want to even do that. What makes somebody listen to negativity 22 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:02,040 about another person and then run and tell them. I don't care under what 23 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:06,520 juncture could be work. Somebody doesn't think you do a great job at work and 24 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:11,320 and you were being talked about. So now this person's coming to tell you 25 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:16,120 everything that was said. Maybe it's a friend. Maybe it's even family. I've 26 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:21,920 never seen so many people hurt each other and talk so negatively about each 27 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:28,240 other as I have seen in families. But let's just say you have that one person 28 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:34,640 who is the bearer of that bad news. My first question is what right do they have 29 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:40,680 to be the bearer? Now not all people who are bringing you news like that are 30 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:46,640 doing it to harm you. Some people just can't wait to tell you what somebody 31 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:53,080 else said because they are for lack of better words shit starters. They stir it 32 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:58,680 up. They stir it up. They just love to start mess. But the crazy thing about 33 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:04,280 those people if you confront them with that other person they will tuck their 34 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:09,880 tail. Nine times out of ten they will tuck their tail and they'll be mad at you. 35 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:18,240 There's another example of a negative middleman right or a negative 36 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:26,400 news bearer. So Sally calls me and Sally tells me something deeply personal you 37 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:32,360 know and she asked me not to tell anybody. She's like you know song I trust 38 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:37,040 you please don't share that information. I'm like of course not. Why would I do 39 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:41,360 that? It's not even my business you know I love the fact that you even trusted me 40 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:48,360 to call me. But no sooner than I hang up I just got to tell that one person that 41 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:55,480 I trust. So I call Paula like hey you know I just talked to Sally and between 42 00:03:55,480 --> 00:04:02,600 us XYZ and Paula's like oh my god are you serious? I'm like yes Paula but don't 43 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:08,800 tell anybody. Don't tell anybody you know that that's personal for Sally. And 44 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,840 Paula's like of course girl I got you bet you know I'm not gonna tell that 45 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:17,720 it's not my business to tell. And Paula hangs up with me and she calls Betty. 46 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:22,080 She's like Betty listen I'm gonna tell you this but but song asked me not to 47 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:26,920 tell anybody so please don't tell anybody else this story. And then she 48 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:33,760 shares with Betty what I shared with her was Sally shared with me in confidence. 49 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:41,640 And then Betty calls me and says hey I didn't know Sally was now the story's 50 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:47,880 changed a little bit right? And I'm like what the heck where'd you get that? Well 51 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:54,640 you know don't get upset but Paula called me and now I'm mad at Paula. How dare she 52 00:04:54,640 --> 00:05:01,120 break my confidence and call Betty and tell Betty something she promised me she 53 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:05,800 wouldn't share. But I'm totally forgetting about the fact that Sally 54 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:10,440 trusted me and it was Sally's business in the first place. Sally called me and 55 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:16,160 said between us. And I broke that confidence but I got enough nerves to be 56 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:21,680 mad at Paula for breaking that same confidence that I broke. You know it's 57 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:28,760 amazing people trust you sometimes and it's so juicy to you. Their business is 58 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:36,080 so juicy you just got to tell that one person. No you don't. No you don't. Have 59 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,640 you ever been in a situation where somebody knows something and you 60 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:46,040 absolutely know it's confidential it's it's dear to their heart it's personal. 61 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:51,000 And that person's talking about it and you act like you have no idea what 62 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,440 they're talking about or you didn't know. But you knew you just knew it wasn't 63 00:05:55,440 --> 00:06:03,360 your place to share. That's how all information should be handled. If I'm 64 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:09,760 telling you if I trust somebody enough to share my life because most people know 65 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:15,360 I don't share my life I do not share what you guys hear is probably the bulk 66 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:21,840 of anything anybody knows about me. There's two people in this entire world 67 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:29,120 that I trust with any and all information about me. Three excuse me three. 68 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:36,080 Most information though if I really want to I just pray about it but sometimes 69 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:41,880 somebody knows stuff about you that is so deep and so heavy they wouldn't dare 70 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:46,560 share your information. So when they hear somebody else sharing it number one 71 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:51,200 it disgusts them. But number two they know how to play the part and act like 72 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:55,600 yeah I didn't just some people cannot wait to tell what they know about 73 00:06:55,600 --> 00:07:01,240 somebody else because they feel like it's so juicy. It's so juicy I gotta let 74 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:06,720 somebody else know I know this you don't know and that's all it is. It's not even 75 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:16,240 about bringing help and understanding and love and support to that person. It's 76 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:21,120 about sharing something you don't think anybody else knows and you just gotta 77 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:28,120 let them know what you know that they don't. And that's the justification 78 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:36,400 whether you admit it or not. It's all about just sharing for your pat on the 79 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:42,840 back and out of boys. Not to help the person who's hurting. Those middlemen 80 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:50,720 are the worst kind. They break families. They start situations that they tuck 81 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:57,040 their tail and run out of. They are purposeful at spreading rumors and 82 00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:04,680 lies and and hurt and even truth. Even truth they're purposeful at it. But then 83 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:10,960 they become cowards and they backpedal and they lie. No I didn't and they start 84 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:20,920 exaggerating the situation or minimizing their part and getting upset with 85 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:26,800 the person who told the business that they had no business sharing. Right. Then 86 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,080 you have the good middleman. You're like is there a good middleman? Of course 87 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:35,000 there's a good middleman. I've actually tried to be the good middleman more 88 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:40,960 times than I could count. But let's just say I have two brothers that love each 89 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,680 other immensely. I've never you know my brothers are six and seven years older 90 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:51,920 than me and I've never heard them argue. Never seen them fight nothing. And when 91 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:56,040 they were young they had to share a room. But let's just pretend for a second 92 00:08:56,040 --> 00:09:03,880 that Greg was extremely mad at what Stacy extremely upset and he told me 93 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:09,360 what happened. Now I could be that bad middleman and go back and say ooh Stacy. 94 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:18,640 Greg is so upset with you. You know what he said. And I can continue to break. I 95 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:24,840 can continue to pull apart that bond. Thread piece of thread by piece of 96 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:29,720 thread just breaking and cutting and breaking and cutting. Or I could pray 97 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:34,360 about it and then go. I can't remember which brother I said so I'm gonna just 98 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:38,600 say I could go to Stacy and say hey Stace. What's going on with you and Greg. 99 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:44,600 You know y'all are so tight without even sharing what Greg said. Just sharing my 100 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:50,760 love and admiration for both of my brothers and trying to mend that little 101 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:57,200 fracture. Hey you guys let's let's I'm gonna cook. Everybody come over to the 102 00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,680 house. I'm gonna cook or not telling Greg that Stacy's gonna be there not 103 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:04,920 telling Stacy Greg's gonna be there. Fix a great dinner have a great family time. 104 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:10,680 Bring a little Jesus into the that's a good middleman. That's somebody trying to 105 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:19,280 fix a fracture. Not permanently break the bone. Right. You might have a little 106 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:24,840 need for a splint but now I'm not gonna come in and give you a reason for our 107 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:31,160 entire cast and now that bone will never be the same again. I'm never gonna do 108 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:38,440 that. You have good middleman. You have the person who carries the good news. You 109 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:44,960 have the person who brings hope and purpose and love and support and let's 110 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:54,200 mend this relationship. Unfortunately I have been surrounded a lot of my life by 111 00:10:54,200 --> 00:11:02,200 the first middleman. The ones who want to keep mess going and and they love the 112 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:07,520 fact that X and Z aren't getting along. You know there are people who actually 113 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:12,480 revel in the fact that two family members are fighting or two friends are 114 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:19,960 fighting and you know what happens so it's crazy if if me and Sally Sally's 115 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:25,200 mad at me now right because I told Paula her business and then Paula told Betty 116 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:31,400 and Betty called me and I'm mad at Paula and then Sally finds out and Sally's 117 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:36,120 mad at me for sharing her business. It's all a mess. I hope y'all stayed with 118 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:42,200 that. It's all a mess. First thing I need to do is go apologize to Sally and be 119 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:48,320 honest. Sadly I did. I shared your information and I would understand if 120 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:53,240 you never shared anything with me again. I just want to tell you I'm extremely 121 00:11:53,240 --> 00:12:01,800 sorry. I apologize. I know that I can't take back words but from the bottom of my 122 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:06,880 heart I had no business sharing your business and I am so sorry and I really 123 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:12,400 pray you could forgive me but most people won't do that. They'll act like it never 124 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,200 happened and then they'd have enough nerves if Sally doesn't get over it 125 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:21,560 quickly to be mad at Sally. I can't believe she's still mad at me over that. I 126 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:27,600 can't believe she's still you know what I've done with with people like me in 127 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:33,600 that scenario. I don't share anything else with them. I know how to maneuver 128 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:39,560 around people and move them into certain parts of my life. You are no longer 129 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:47,760 allowed at the top the forefront of my friends list. I still care about you. I'm 130 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,720 still gonna greet you. I'm still gonna hug you. I'm still gonna laugh with you 131 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:57,720 but you will not know what's going on in my life because I can't trust you. And if 132 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:02,840 you guys pay attention people always show you if that's the route they're 133 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:08,960 gonna take. You know how? Because me as Sonia I would have been telling you other 134 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:13,240 people's business. I would have been calling Paula telling Paula oh girl 135 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:19,400 guess what Phil did today. Guess what I heard about Billy. Oh my gosh you're not 136 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:31,400 gonna believe what I found out about Pam, Pat, Patricia. That's what the 137 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:36,080 negative middleman does. They just have to tell something about somebody else. 138 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:42,440 It's called gossip but also it could just be the middleman. The middleman 139 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:48,840 bringing mess and keeping disdain in relationships. Now what I was gonna say 140 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:54,800 earlier is it's amazing those middlemen can start trouble like that by telling 141 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,560 this person what that person said about them and they just in the middle 142 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:02,680 listening to both of them talk about each other and can't wait to tell each 143 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:08,940 other what the other one said. But when they cut out that middleman and they go 144 00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:14,480 to each other and they talk and they squash it and they see what the problem 145 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:21,280 is that middleman feels some kind of way. Sometimes they're scared. They start 146 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:25,640 to think about all the stuff they've said about people and all the rumors 147 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:33,960 they've shared and all the just that they've caused and they get scared 148 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:38,040 that people are gonna find them out and then they start praying Lord if this 149 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:42,600 doesn't get boy if this doesn't come to the surface I promise I'll stop doing 150 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,880 this. I promise I'll stop doing that. I won't do this anymore. I won't do that 151 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:52,360 anymore. And guess what if they don't get found out. They gonna go back to doing 152 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:58,080 it because it's in them. Those prayers were just in vain. They they're gonna go 153 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:02,520 back to doing it. It's just in them to be that way. But when you confront that 154 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:07,000 middleman and you confront that middleman and more people confront that 155 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:11,480 middleman they have nobody to go to because after a while people gonna be 156 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:15,080 like I don't want to hear it. Sangya I don't want to hear it. I don't want to 157 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:19,560 hear it. I don't want to hear it. Every time you come around there's always some 158 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:24,840 kind of friction between me and somebody else because that's what you do. 159 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:34,800 Middleman might get mad. Who cares? You're cutting that out. So I want to tell you 160 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:39,760 guys today a middleman is not a necessity. If you want to share something in 161 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,680 your life and you really have to talk to somebody talk to somebody who doesn't 162 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:49,920 call you to gossip about somebody else. You could always go to the throne and 163 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:58,400 talk all you want. I have people I can talk to that I've never heard them gossip 164 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:05,280 about somebody else. I mean just pick up the phone and call and say girl you know 165 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:11,880 what I heard. Straight gossip. Anything that starts with a uh-uh-uh and 166 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:20,760 old child or oh my god wait till you hear what I have to tell you about so 167 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:26,200 and so. Yeah all middleman negativity or just negativity doesn't even have to be 168 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:30,920 a middleman. You want to cut that out of your life because you don't want to be 169 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:37,040 the one who somebody is calling somebody else about to share your business. And 170 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:43,000 let me tell you as well middleman exaggerate because the story has to be 171 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:49,320 juicy. It has to be juicy. So they might you know you might just say you know what 172 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:56,920 me and my husband got into it and he actually walked out and he went to a 173 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:02,120 bar came home at five in the morning pissy drunk and I was just so upset with 174 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:08,080 him and I don't know what to do. That story might come out man you know Sonny 175 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:13,760 and Q got into a knockout drag out he hit her upside her head and then she was 176 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:19,120 chasing him with a knife so he left and he went to some chicks house until five 177 00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:25,880 in the morning. Cut out the negative middleman. They bring more trouble than 178 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:30,760 there were sometimes and if you know a middleman person in your life and they 179 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:35,800 are your friend I'm not saying get rid of them. They serve their purpose still as 180 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:42,240 a friend just minimize what you share but more than that minimize what you'll 181 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:49,080 receive. It is your girl Sonny McQueen you can find me at Sonia M at ledbymotivation.com 182 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:54,520 that's S-O-N-Y-A-M at ledbymotivation.com or you can email us at 183 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:59,520 ledbymotivation07 at gmail.com and if you don't get our free newsletter 184 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:05,160 motivational monthly shame on you shame on you all it takes a send me a email 185 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:10,400 with your email address saying I'd like to get your newsletter and it is done 186 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:29,960 just like that. Have a beautiful day on purpose and I will talk to you tomorrow.