Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening everybody. It's your girl Sonya
McQueen with your mind, your body, your choice or. It's your life. What are you
doing with it? I think that's the name of it. I'm not sure. But anyway today I want
to come to you and talk about the middleman. You know sometimes the middleman
is a positive person and sometimes not so much. Yesterday my husband and I were
having a conversation about a couple of people we know that are what I will call
middleman. So now I'll explain with some examples. Alright so you have a
conversation with somebody. Let's just say you don't care for somebody. You're
speaking negatively about them. None of the listeners I have would do
that. But let's just pretend for the sake of this podcast that you're speaking
negatively about that person. You know you don't care for them. You don't care
for the way they do this, the way they act like this, the way they dress like
that, and you are talking about them to another person who knows them. The person
doesn't interject, which I've talked about before. If you shut down gossip it
won't happen twice. But they're entertaining it. They're laughing. Maybe
they're adding their own uh-huhs or whatever and no sooner than they leave
you they're calling the person you talked about. They are now the middleman.
They're calling that person to tell that person everything you said. Let's talk
about that negative middleman. The person who cannot wait to bring negative
words to somebody that somebody else said about them. Let's speak about what
prompts them to want to even do that. What makes somebody listen to negativity
about another person and then run and tell them. I don't care under what
juncture could be work. Somebody doesn't think you do a great job at work and
and you were being talked about. So now this person's coming to tell you
everything that was said. Maybe it's a friend. Maybe it's even family. I've
never seen so many people hurt each other and talk so negatively about each
other as I have seen in families. But let's just say you have that one person
who is the bearer of that bad news. My first question is what right do they have
to be the bearer? Now not all people who are bringing you news like that are
doing it to harm you. Some people just can't wait to tell you what somebody
else said because they are for lack of better words shit starters. They stir it
up. They stir it up. They just love to start mess. But the crazy thing about
those people if you confront them with that other person they will tuck their
tail. Nine times out of ten they will tuck their tail and they'll be mad at you.
There's another example of a negative middleman right or a negative
news bearer. So Sally calls me and Sally tells me something deeply personal you
know and she asked me not to tell anybody. She's like you know song I trust
you please don't share that information. I'm like of course not. Why would I do
that? It's not even my business you know I love the fact that you even trusted me
to call me. But no sooner than I hang up I just got to tell that one person that
I trust. So I call Paula like hey you know I just talked to Sally and between
us XYZ and Paula's like oh my god are you serious? I'm like yes Paula but don't
tell anybody. Don't tell anybody you know that that's personal for Sally. And
Paula's like of course girl I got you bet you know I'm not gonna tell that
it's not my business to tell. And Paula hangs up with me and she calls Betty.
She's like Betty listen I'm gonna tell you this but but song asked me not to
tell anybody so please don't tell anybody else this story. And then she
shares with Betty what I shared with her was Sally shared with me in confidence.
And then Betty calls me and says hey I didn't know Sally was now the story's
changed a little bit right? And I'm like what the heck where'd you get that? Well
you know don't get upset but Paula called me and now I'm mad at Paula. How dare she
break my confidence and call Betty and tell Betty something she promised me she
wouldn't share. But I'm totally forgetting about the fact that Sally
trusted me and it was Sally's business in the first place. Sally called me and
said between us. And I broke that confidence but I got enough nerves to be
mad at Paula for breaking that same confidence that I broke. You know it's
amazing people trust you sometimes and it's so juicy to you. Their business is
so juicy you just got to tell that one person. No you don't. No you don't. Have
you ever been in a situation where somebody knows something and you
absolutely know it's confidential it's it's dear to their heart it's personal.
And that person's talking about it and you act like you have no idea what
they're talking about or you didn't know. But you knew you just knew it wasn't
your place to share. That's how all information should be handled. If I'm
telling you if I trust somebody enough to share my life because most people know
I don't share my life I do not share what you guys hear is probably the bulk
of anything anybody knows about me. There's two people in this entire world
that I trust with any and all information about me. Three excuse me three.
Most information though if I really want to I just pray about it but sometimes
somebody knows stuff about you that is so deep and so heavy they wouldn't dare
share your information. So when they hear somebody else sharing it number one
it disgusts them. But number two they know how to play the part and act like
yeah I didn't just some people cannot wait to tell what they know about
somebody else because they feel like it's so juicy. It's so juicy I gotta let
somebody else know I know this you don't know and that's all it is. It's not even
about bringing help and understanding and love and support to that person. It's
about sharing something you don't think anybody else knows and you just gotta
let them know what you know that they don't. And that's the justification
whether you admit it or not. It's all about just sharing for your pat on the
back and out of boys. Not to help the person who's hurting. Those middlemen
are the worst kind. They break families. They start situations that they tuck
their tail and run out of. They are purposeful at spreading rumors and
lies and and hurt and even truth. Even truth they're purposeful at it. But then
they become cowards and they backpedal and they lie. No I didn't and they start
exaggerating the situation or minimizing their part and getting upset with
the person who told the business that they had no business sharing. Right. Then
you have the good middleman. You're like is there a good middleman? Of course
there's a good middleman. I've actually tried to be the good middleman more
times than I could count. But let's just say I have two brothers that love each
other immensely. I've never you know my brothers are six and seven years older
than me and I've never heard them argue. Never seen them fight nothing. And when
they were young they had to share a room. But let's just pretend for a second
that Greg was extremely mad at what Stacy extremely upset and he told me
what happened. Now I could be that bad middleman and go back and say ooh Stacy.
Greg is so upset with you. You know what he said. And I can continue to break. I
can continue to pull apart that bond. Thread piece of thread by piece of
thread just breaking and cutting and breaking and cutting. Or I could pray
about it and then go. I can't remember which brother I said so I'm gonna just
say I could go to Stacy and say hey Stace. What's going on with you and Greg.
You know y'all are so tight without even sharing what Greg said. Just sharing my
love and admiration for both of my brothers and trying to mend that little
fracture. Hey you guys let's let's I'm gonna cook. Everybody come over to the
house. I'm gonna cook or not telling Greg that Stacy's gonna be there not
telling Stacy Greg's gonna be there. Fix a great dinner have a great family time.
Bring a little Jesus into the that's a good middleman. That's somebody trying to
fix a fracture. Not permanently break the bone. Right. You might have a little
need for a splint but now I'm not gonna come in and give you a reason for our
entire cast and now that bone will never be the same again. I'm never gonna do
that. You have good middleman. You have the person who carries the good news. You
have the person who brings hope and purpose and love and support and let's
mend this relationship. Unfortunately I have been surrounded a lot of my life by
the first middleman. The ones who want to keep mess going and and they love the
fact that X and Z aren't getting along. You know there are people who actually
revel in the fact that two family members are fighting or two friends are
fighting and you know what happens so it's crazy if if me and Sally Sally's
mad at me now right because I told Paula her business and then Paula told Betty
and Betty called me and I'm mad at Paula and then Sally finds out and Sally's
mad at me for sharing her business. It's all a mess. I hope y'all stayed with
that. It's all a mess. First thing I need to do is go apologize to Sally and be
honest. Sadly I did. I shared your information and I would understand if
you never shared anything with me again. I just want to tell you I'm extremely
sorry. I apologize. I know that I can't take back words but from the bottom of my
heart I had no business sharing your business and I am so sorry and I really
pray you could forgive me but most people won't do that. They'll act like it never
happened and then they'd have enough nerves if Sally doesn't get over it
quickly to be mad at Sally. I can't believe she's still mad at me over that. I
can't believe she's still you know what I've done with with people like me in
that scenario. I don't share anything else with them. I know how to maneuver
around people and move them into certain parts of my life. You are no longer
allowed at the top the forefront of my friends list. I still care about you. I'm
still gonna greet you. I'm still gonna hug you. I'm still gonna laugh with you
but you will not know what's going on in my life because I can't trust you. And if
you guys pay attention people always show you if that's the route they're
gonna take. You know how? Because me as Sonia I would have been telling you other
people's business. I would have been calling Paula telling Paula oh girl
guess what Phil did today. Guess what I heard about Billy. Oh my gosh you're not
gonna believe what I found out about Pam, Pat, Patricia. That's what the
negative middleman does. They just have to tell something about somebody else.
It's called gossip but also it could just be the middleman. The middleman
bringing mess and keeping disdain in relationships. Now what I was gonna say
earlier is it's amazing those middlemen can start trouble like that by telling
this person what that person said about them and they just in the middle
listening to both of them talk about each other and can't wait to tell each
other what the other one said. But when they cut out that middleman and they go
to each other and they talk and they squash it and they see what the problem
is that middleman feels some kind of way. Sometimes they're scared. They start
to think about all the stuff they've said about people and all the rumors
they've shared and all the just that they've caused and they get scared
that people are gonna find them out and then they start praying Lord if this
doesn't get boy if this doesn't come to the surface I promise I'll stop doing
this. I promise I'll stop doing that. I won't do this anymore. I won't do that
anymore. And guess what if they don't get found out. They gonna go back to doing
it because it's in them. Those prayers were just in vain. They they're gonna go
back to doing it. It's just in them to be that way. But when you confront that
middleman and you confront that middleman and more people confront that
middleman they have nobody to go to because after a while people gonna be
like I don't want to hear it. Sangya I don't want to hear it. I don't want to
hear it. I don't want to hear it. Every time you come around there's always some
kind of friction between me and somebody else because that's what you do.
Middleman might get mad. Who cares? You're cutting that out. So I want to tell you
guys today a middleman is not a necessity. If you want to share something in
your life and you really have to talk to somebody talk to somebody who doesn't
call you to gossip about somebody else. You could always go to the throne and
talk all you want. I have people I can talk to that I've never heard them gossip
about somebody else. I mean just pick up the phone and call and say girl you know
what I heard. Straight gossip. Anything that starts with a uh-uh-uh and
old child or oh my god wait till you hear what I have to tell you about so
and so. Yeah all middleman negativity or just negativity doesn't even have to be
a middleman. You want to cut that out of your life because you don't want to be
the one who somebody is calling somebody else about to share your business. And
let me tell you as well middleman exaggerate because the story has to be
juicy. It has to be juicy. So they might you know you might just say you know what
me and my husband got into it and he actually walked out and he went to a
bar came home at five in the morning pissy drunk and I was just so upset with
him and I don't know what to do. That story might come out man you know Sonny
and Q got into a knockout drag out he hit her upside her head and then she was
chasing him with a knife so he left and he went to some chicks house until five
in the morning. Cut out the negative middleman. They bring more trouble than
there were sometimes and if you know a middleman person in your life and they
are your friend I'm not saying get rid of them. They serve their purpose still as
a friend just minimize what you share but more than that minimize what you'll
receive. It is your girl Sonny McQueen you can find me at Sonia M at ledbymotivation.com
that's S-O-N-Y-A-M at ledbymotivation.com or you can email us at
ledbymotivation07 at gmail.com and if you don't get our free newsletter
motivational monthly shame on you shame on you all it takes a send me a email
with your email address saying I'd like to get your newsletter and it is done
just like that. Have a beautiful day on purpose and I will talk to you tomorrow.