Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening everybody. It's your girl, Sonya
McQueen, with your mind, your body, your choice. First I want to give... I could cry
yesterday that the podcast I look at for my analytics, I only look every once in
a while. My highest one ever, it was a tie between an interview I did with Eric
Jones and my daughter, Tyesha Artis. I received 27 listens or views or whatever
you call them within a two-hour period, and that was the highest I had ever had.
I felt blessed. Even one listener every two hours is a blessing for me. But
yesterday, something just told me to click on the analytics and I did, and I had
at that time 44 listeners in that two-hour window. And I could have cried. I
really could have cried it. It's just such a blessing that anybody wants to
listen a little on me. Who am I? I'm just a everyday person who doesn't even
think about what I want to say before I open my mouth and don't remember what I
said after I've it. So thank you all praises to the utmost high and thank you
again. But today I want to speak about just being quiet. You know, we all know
somebody who knows everything. No matter what you say, they can upstage you or
they know better. You know, you get ready to tell the story. Have you ever got
ready to tell something that's going on with you? Maybe you don't feel well or
you're expressing something you've went through and that person is like, yeah,
because I remember when I and then it becomes about them or you're trying to
correct them. Maybe it's at work and you're a supervisor. And while you're
speaking to them about them, they want to tell you about somebody else whose time
you should be wasting. You know, your time on instead of them because they've
got it together. But this other person is who you need to be focusing on or they
can't wait to give you their side. So they're not really taking in what you're
giving them. Those those gems you're dropping to them about them and their
work ethics. They're missing it because they're just waiting on their point. My
advice is just be quiet. Just be quiet. A fool runs their mouth and has all the
answers. The wise person knows when to be quiet and when to listen or when to be
quiet and get not listening. You just know not to waste your time on that
person. You know, I'm gonna give you a couple of examples real quick and because
I always have great examples, right? So there is this guy. I love him. I
absolutely love him. He's a part of our family and I'm going to make sure he
listens to this podcast just so y'all know I'm not running him over. But his
name's Rudy and that's his real name. And Rudy, I've been I was a supervisor. I
was gonna say I've been a supervisor, but I started being a supervisor in 2016
with the Department of Health. I was his supervisor until I left the Department
of Health. When I left, I took him with me. I was his supervisor at the new
company and then we both kind of left there. He was let go of only because of
financial reasons and then I left on my own terms. But now that I've got my own
business, he is part of my board. So we'll always be together and I love Rudy.
But I used to as a supervisor have to talk to Rudy about anything that you
know maybe he was doing wrong or seeing wrong or whatever. Rudy is an exceptional
employee which is why I took him with me when I left, right? But of course we all
bump our heads. All of us. I even needed you know if I had a decent supervisor at
the Department of Health, there were times he should have pulled my coat tail
and said hey let me talk to you about this or that and he would have been in
all the rights because we bump our heads especially when it's a new program and
you are creating it from the floor up. We see different ways to do things and
you have to make those necessary adjustments. But anyway, I would talk to
Rudy and Rudy would have his finger and is in the air you know like that number
one when you got to go to bathroom in church or you're saying hold up a minute
and he would have his mouth half open sitting on the edge of his chair. He
just wants me to hurry up and shut up so he can make his point and I used to
always say Rudy put your finger down, shut your mouth, sit back and just listen
to what I'm saying. But Rudy would be so anxious to talk that he would miss my
points so when I would close my mouth he would just hurry up and say everything
he needed to say and I would ask him now what did I say and he would never know.
So one day I was talking to Rudy and he did that finger up mouth a but but miss
up but miss up but miss up so I shut my mouth and said apparently you're not
listening so go ahead the floor is yours and I just sat there looking at him and
when he finished I'd say now Rudy I called you in here what was I gonna say
to you. He would always assume he'd know and he would always be off the mark and
now later on we laugh about that but the whole point is I was wasting my time
trying to talk to Rudy because Rudy would always only be focused on what his
re-engagement to me was going to be. Not what I was saying or focused on my point
but what his rebuttal was gonna be. So when I realized I was wasting my time I
stopped and I would shut my mouth and say go ahead Rudy the floor is yours the
floor is yours and then I would look at him like he was crazy while he spoke.
That's the first example. Why waste my time? Eventually Rudy understood. Alright
this is my supervisor and I'm not being respectful listening to her point so we
can get to an understanding of what the situation is and how we can change it.
He eventually got that but it took some time. Some people never get it. All
they're focused on is their point, their rebuttal, their dispute, how you're
wronging them with whatever you're saying or thinking and it's gonna fall on
deaf ears. There are so many ways to handle that in a workplace. Maybe that
person's not the right person for that position. Maybe that person only has a
voice when they're at work and they are going to be heard because when they get
home they're ignored, they're not heard. God only knows what's going on at home.
Maybe that person is a narcissist. There are so many scenarios but you don't have
the time to try to figure it out or do you? Sometimes it's a necessity. You have
a great employee and you really want to figure out what's going on with them so
you ask them hey every time I try to talk to you you make it about somebody else
what's going on but you do know you're not perfect right so please tell me so I
can understand what's going on. Put that ball in their court. Let them explain to
you why they feel like they're always above what you're trying to say. On the
other hand maybe it is you. Maybe your approach is horrible. Maybe you really
don't know how to speak to other people. Always look at the bigger picture and the
greater scenarios. Don't always think you're right and don't always think that
this person just needs to be let go of but that's work. I'm gonna give you another
scenario. It's personal and I've told you this before so I don't mind saying it
again. Anybody can come to me with a grievance and I'm gonna listen. If I need
to apologize I'm gonna apologize. Sometimes I apologize just because you
feel that away. Doesn't mean you're right but if you feel that away that is
important that I made you feel that away and I apologize that you felt that away
and I'll try my best not to ever make you feel that away again even if what you
grasp was wrong. I don't want to hurt your feelings that's not my purpose but
when it came to my husband he couldn't come to me and tell me he felt any kind
of way. I'm gonna look at him and then I'm going to refute anything he said. 80%
of the time. It took for me to look at myself in the mirror because my husband
was doing me like I would do Rudy. He would stop and smile and say go ahead.
Go ahead Sonia. What is it you want to say? And I'd always start with no. No
because. No because. Well no you're wrong because. Well Q no no well no. Not really
grasping the way he felt or the way I was making him feel or the way he thought
and I guess in my mind number one dude you can't have no feelings. I'm the only
one allowed to have feelings in this relationship because I'm right and you're
wrong right but really what it was with my husband is he's the only person that
I want to see me as almost perfect so when he has a complaint about me or not
even a complaint something he wants to discuss I don't want to hear it because
that means I'm not as perfect in his eyes as I think I should be. Other people I
already know they know I have faults. I say it. They've read my books. They they
listen to my podcast. They they've heard me speak out in public when I used to go
around as a motivational or not so motivational speaker. They've heard me on
radio shows but not my husband. He's never heard me on the radio. He's never
heard me at a speaking engagement. He doesn't listen to my podcast. I don't
even tell him when I make him. I met him at a time when I let everything else go.
I let the newsletters go. I let led by motivation go. I let my books go. I let
everything go and I moved here to start a new so all he knows is the new song.
Yeah. You know like when you get saved you become a new creature. You're a new
creation. I was already saved so now I'm a new creation in Florida. Yeah I don't
know me. You don't know my past. You don't know what I've done. You don't know
where I've been. I want you to see me as grandiose. So I want you all to see me as
this wonderful person who volunteers who who wants to be a helper to people who's
never been in a fight. Who's never given up a child. Who's never wrote books about
sadness and depression. Who's never been on the verge of going to prison. Just this
great wonderful person is who I want you to meet and know. And that's how I
introduce myself. Not in those words but in present. Not realizing I'm still a
hundred percent human a hundred percent of the time so I'm still bumping my head.
I'm still making mistakes. I'm still letting words come out of my mouth that
maybe I should have thought about and prayed about before I said them. I'm
still getting frustrated in traffic. I'm still carrying a bat in my car. That's
Billy. I'm still Sonia. Every day I just let some things go. Letting go of my books
and closing my company and not creating anymore doesn't mean my name is now
changed. I'm still Sonia. So that means I still do things that are embedded in me
to do. And if he has an issue instead of just sweeping it under the rug he's
gonna tell me and instead of me receiving it like I did with everybody else it
was falling on deaf ears or I would get upset. How dare you? How dare you? You know
how much I do for you and you want to complain about something? I cook, I clean,
I go to work, I bring in money, I take care of these kids. How dare you? So his
complaints were falling on deaf ears because I thought I was grander than
that. But guess what y'all? He still loved me. He just wanted me to see what he
seen or feel what he felt or understand the way he thought. It didn't mean but I
see you as less or I don't love you the same or you don't mean as much to me.
None of that meant anything. It's just his feelings but they were falling on
deaf ears so he got quiet and he just stopped telling me. And then I will see
him rubbing his temples and I know what that means. Something's bothering him and
I will say hey what's bothering you thinking you know it's the job it's one
of them kids it's something but it could have been me but I had shut him down so
much he ain't gonna tell me. He went quiet. Now here we are you know ten years
later I get it I get it and he can talk to me and I listen and I understand
because I go to him when he's bothering me or something's bothering me or a
situation or a word or whatever and we talk about it and we keep it moving
that's why people constantly think me and my husband have this perfect
relationship. Nobody's perfect and nothing's perfect. We work at this. We
work hard at this. We work hard at this. We don't argue. We don't call each other
out of our names. We don't throw things break things. Walk out. We talk and
sometimes we don't even agree but we agree to disagree and it's all good. You
guys there are people every day who know everything about everything and you
waste your time trying to tell them better or tell them different and all it
is is a back and forth. It's not even a good debate. It's just a waste of moving
wind around moving your tongue up and down in your mouth. Salava building up in
your mouth. It's a waste of time, breath and effort for one or both of you. Just
fall silent because once again a fool knows everything and they want to tell
you about everything they know but the wisest people know when to close their
mouth and smile or not. Alright it's your girl Sonia. Y'all know how to find me. It's
Sonia, S-O-N-Y-A-M at LeadbyMotivation.com or you can email us at
LeadbyMotivation07 at gmail.com. I so appreciate you all and keep the emails
coming. I appreciate those. Keep the ideas coming. I'm gonna start hitting on
these ideas next week or not next week I'm sorry the week after that. I'm gonna
start hitting on these ideas. I'm just stop piling them and I am going to start
with my interviews again. As a matter of fact I have one this Saturday. I know you
guys loved it when Eric was on the show. He's supposed to be on the show
monthly but he's got something going on with work and Paula and I have so many
other guests lined up. If you do not receive my free newsletter what are you
waiting on? It's as simple as sending me an email and you got it. Alright have a
great day you all.