1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,720 Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening everybody. It's your girl, Sonya 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:12,080 McQueen, with your mind, your body, your choice. First I want to give... I could cry 3 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:21,960 yesterday that the podcast I look at for my analytics, I only look every once in 4 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:27,720 a while. My highest one ever, it was a tie between an interview I did with Eric 5 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:35,440 Jones and my daughter, Tyesha Artis. I received 27 listens or views or whatever 6 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:41,360 you call them within a two-hour period, and that was the highest I had ever had. 7 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:48,560 I felt blessed. Even one listener every two hours is a blessing for me. But 8 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:54,400 yesterday, something just told me to click on the analytics and I did, and I had 9 00:00:54,400 --> 00:01:04,000 at that time 44 listeners in that two-hour window. And I could have cried. I 10 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:08,320 really could have cried it. It's just such a blessing that anybody wants to 11 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:13,360 listen a little on me. Who am I? I'm just a everyday person who doesn't even 12 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:18,000 think about what I want to say before I open my mouth and don't remember what I 13 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:26,000 said after I've it. So thank you all praises to the utmost high and thank you 14 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:35,040 again. But today I want to speak about just being quiet. You know, we all know 15 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:41,240 somebody who knows everything. No matter what you say, they can upstage you or 16 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:45,480 they know better. You know, you get ready to tell the story. Have you ever got 17 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,120 ready to tell something that's going on with you? Maybe you don't feel well or 18 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:53,880 you're expressing something you've went through and that person is like, yeah, 19 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:58,920 because I remember when I and then it becomes about them or you're trying to 20 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:03,400 correct them. Maybe it's at work and you're a supervisor. And while you're 21 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:08,840 speaking to them about them, they want to tell you about somebody else whose time 22 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:13,760 you should be wasting. You know, your time on instead of them because they've 23 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:19,600 got it together. But this other person is who you need to be focusing on or they 24 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:25,200 can't wait to give you their side. So they're not really taking in what you're 25 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,080 giving them. Those those gems you're dropping to them about them and their 26 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:35,920 work ethics. They're missing it because they're just waiting on their point. My 27 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:45,720 advice is just be quiet. Just be quiet. A fool runs their mouth and has all the 28 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:51,640 answers. The wise person knows when to be quiet and when to listen or when to be 29 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:56,560 quiet and get not listening. You just know not to waste your time on that 30 00:02:56,560 --> 00:03:02,720 person. You know, I'm gonna give you a couple of examples real quick and because 31 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:07,880 I always have great examples, right? So there is this guy. I love him. I 32 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:12,440 absolutely love him. He's a part of our family and I'm going to make sure he 33 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,560 listens to this podcast just so y'all know I'm not running him over. But his 34 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:22,400 name's Rudy and that's his real name. And Rudy, I've been I was a supervisor. I 35 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:26,840 was gonna say I've been a supervisor, but I started being a supervisor in 2016 36 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:31,840 with the Department of Health. I was his supervisor until I left the Department 37 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:36,520 of Health. When I left, I took him with me. I was his supervisor at the new 38 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:45,000 company and then we both kind of left there. He was let go of only because of 39 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:50,320 financial reasons and then I left on my own terms. But now that I've got my own 40 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:55,000 business, he is part of my board. So we'll always be together and I love Rudy. 41 00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:01,360 But I used to as a supervisor have to talk to Rudy about anything that you 42 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:06,760 know maybe he was doing wrong or seeing wrong or whatever. Rudy is an exceptional 43 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:11,640 employee which is why I took him with me when I left, right? But of course we all 44 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:18,560 bump our heads. All of us. I even needed you know if I had a decent supervisor at 45 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,640 the Department of Health, there were times he should have pulled my coat tail 46 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:25,760 and said hey let me talk to you about this or that and he would have been in 47 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:32,560 all the rights because we bump our heads especially when it's a new program and 48 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:38,320 you are creating it from the floor up. We see different ways to do things and 49 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:44,120 you have to make those necessary adjustments. But anyway, I would talk to 50 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:50,680 Rudy and Rudy would have his finger and is in the air you know like that number 51 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:55,200 one when you got to go to bathroom in church or you're saying hold up a minute 52 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,840 and he would have his mouth half open sitting on the edge of his chair. He 53 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:04,240 just wants me to hurry up and shut up so he can make his point and I used to 54 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:10,320 always say Rudy put your finger down, shut your mouth, sit back and just listen 55 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:16,160 to what I'm saying. But Rudy would be so anxious to talk that he would miss my 56 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:21,760 points so when I would close my mouth he would just hurry up and say everything 57 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:27,400 he needed to say and I would ask him now what did I say and he would never know. 58 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:33,600 So one day I was talking to Rudy and he did that finger up mouth a but but miss 59 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,960 up but miss up but miss up so I shut my mouth and said apparently you're not 60 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:44,120 listening so go ahead the floor is yours and I just sat there looking at him and 61 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:48,600 when he finished I'd say now Rudy I called you in here what was I gonna say 62 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:55,440 to you. He would always assume he'd know and he would always be off the mark and 63 00:05:55,440 --> 00:06:02,480 now later on we laugh about that but the whole point is I was wasting my time 64 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:10,440 trying to talk to Rudy because Rudy would always only be focused on what his 65 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:18,640 re-engagement to me was going to be. Not what I was saying or focused on my point 66 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:25,320 but what his rebuttal was gonna be. So when I realized I was wasting my time I 67 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:30,720 stopped and I would shut my mouth and say go ahead Rudy the floor is yours the 68 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,240 floor is yours and then I would look at him like he was crazy while he spoke. 69 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:41,600 That's the first example. Why waste my time? Eventually Rudy understood. Alright 70 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:48,800 this is my supervisor and I'm not being respectful listening to her point so we 71 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:54,480 can get to an understanding of what the situation is and how we can change it. 72 00:06:54,480 --> 00:07:00,160 He eventually got that but it took some time. Some people never get it. All 73 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:05,880 they're focused on is their point, their rebuttal, their dispute, how you're 74 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:10,840 wronging them with whatever you're saying or thinking and it's gonna fall on 75 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:16,760 deaf ears. There are so many ways to handle that in a workplace. Maybe that 76 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:22,040 person's not the right person for that position. Maybe that person only has a 77 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:26,240 voice when they're at work and they are going to be heard because when they get 78 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:32,400 home they're ignored, they're not heard. God only knows what's going on at home. 79 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:40,800 Maybe that person is a narcissist. There are so many scenarios but you don't have 80 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:45,480 the time to try to figure it out or do you? Sometimes it's a necessity. You have 81 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:49,400 a great employee and you really want to figure out what's going on with them so 82 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:54,600 you ask them hey every time I try to talk to you you make it about somebody else 83 00:07:54,600 --> 00:08:00,240 what's going on but you do know you're not perfect right so please tell me so I 84 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:04,920 can understand what's going on. Put that ball in their court. Let them explain to 85 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:12,040 you why they feel like they're always above what you're trying to say. On the 86 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:17,120 other hand maybe it is you. Maybe your approach is horrible. Maybe you really 87 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:22,040 don't know how to speak to other people. Always look at the bigger picture and the 88 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:28,400 greater scenarios. Don't always think you're right and don't always think that 89 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:33,000 this person just needs to be let go of but that's work. I'm gonna give you another 90 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:38,240 scenario. It's personal and I've told you this before so I don't mind saying it 91 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:44,800 again. Anybody can come to me with a grievance and I'm gonna listen. If I need 92 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,400 to apologize I'm gonna apologize. Sometimes I apologize just because you 93 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:52,840 feel that away. Doesn't mean you're right but if you feel that away that is 94 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:59,280 important that I made you feel that away and I apologize that you felt that away 95 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:04,440 and I'll try my best not to ever make you feel that away again even if what you 96 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:12,400 grasp was wrong. I don't want to hurt your feelings that's not my purpose but 97 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:17,120 when it came to my husband he couldn't come to me and tell me he felt any kind 98 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:25,520 of way. I'm gonna look at him and then I'm going to refute anything he said. 80% 99 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:31,360 of the time. It took for me to look at myself in the mirror because my husband 100 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,440 was doing me like I would do Rudy. He would stop and smile and say go ahead. 101 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:40,960 Go ahead Sonia. What is it you want to say? And I'd always start with no. No 102 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:54,400 because. No because. Well no you're wrong because. Well Q no no well no. Not really 103 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:59,200 grasping the way he felt or the way I was making him feel or the way he thought 104 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:06,520 and I guess in my mind number one dude you can't have no feelings. I'm the only 105 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:12,040 one allowed to have feelings in this relationship because I'm right and you're 106 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:20,800 wrong right but really what it was with my husband is he's the only person that 107 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:28,120 I want to see me as almost perfect so when he has a complaint about me or not 108 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,240 even a complaint something he wants to discuss I don't want to hear it because 109 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:40,000 that means I'm not as perfect in his eyes as I think I should be. Other people I 110 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:46,160 already know they know I have faults. I say it. They've read my books. They they 111 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:51,800 listen to my podcast. They they've heard me speak out in public when I used to go 112 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:56,840 around as a motivational or not so motivational speaker. They've heard me on 113 00:10:56,840 --> 00:11:01,560 radio shows but not my husband. He's never heard me on the radio. He's never 114 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:07,440 heard me at a speaking engagement. He doesn't listen to my podcast. I don't 115 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:15,480 even tell him when I make him. I met him at a time when I let everything else go. 116 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:22,040 I let the newsletters go. I let led by motivation go. I let my books go. I let 117 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:28,480 everything go and I moved here to start a new so all he knows is the new song. 118 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:33,160 Yeah. You know like when you get saved you become a new creature. You're a new 119 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:41,320 creation. I was already saved so now I'm a new creation in Florida. Yeah I don't 120 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,800 know me. You don't know my past. You don't know what I've done. You don't know 121 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:50,880 where I've been. I want you to see me as grandiose. So I want you all to see me as 122 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:58,040 this wonderful person who volunteers who who wants to be a helper to people who's 123 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:04,840 never been in a fight. Who's never given up a child. Who's never wrote books about 124 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:12,160 sadness and depression. Who's never been on the verge of going to prison. Just this 125 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:19,000 great wonderful person is who I want you to meet and know. And that's how I 126 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:25,840 introduce myself. Not in those words but in present. Not realizing I'm still a 127 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,360 hundred percent human a hundred percent of the time so I'm still bumping my head. 128 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:33,440 I'm still making mistakes. I'm still letting words come out of my mouth that 129 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,440 maybe I should have thought about and prayed about before I said them. I'm 130 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:42,000 still getting frustrated in traffic. I'm still carrying a bat in my car. That's 131 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:53,720 Billy. I'm still Sonia. Every day I just let some things go. Letting go of my books 132 00:12:53,720 --> 00:13:00,840 and closing my company and not creating anymore doesn't mean my name is now 133 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:12,280 changed. I'm still Sonia. So that means I still do things that are embedded in me 134 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:19,280 to do. And if he has an issue instead of just sweeping it under the rug he's 135 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:26,320 gonna tell me and instead of me receiving it like I did with everybody else it 136 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:32,880 was falling on deaf ears or I would get upset. How dare you? How dare you? You know 137 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:38,320 how much I do for you and you want to complain about something? I cook, I clean, 138 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:45,960 I go to work, I bring in money, I take care of these kids. How dare you? So his 139 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:51,200 complaints were falling on deaf ears because I thought I was grander than 140 00:13:51,200 --> 00:14:00,360 that. But guess what y'all? He still loved me. He just wanted me to see what he 141 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:09,840 seen or feel what he felt or understand the way he thought. It didn't mean but I 142 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:15,600 see you as less or I don't love you the same or you don't mean as much to me. 143 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:22,440 None of that meant anything. It's just his feelings but they were falling on 144 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:31,640 deaf ears so he got quiet and he just stopped telling me. And then I will see 145 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:36,000 him rubbing his temples and I know what that means. Something's bothering him and 146 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,360 I will say hey what's bothering you thinking you know it's the job it's one 147 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:45,200 of them kids it's something but it could have been me but I had shut him down so 148 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:55,480 much he ain't gonna tell me. He went quiet. Now here we are you know ten years 149 00:14:55,480 --> 00:15:02,920 later I get it I get it and he can talk to me and I listen and I understand 150 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:07,920 because I go to him when he's bothering me or something's bothering me or a 151 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:12,680 situation or a word or whatever and we talk about it and we keep it moving 152 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,720 that's why people constantly think me and my husband have this perfect 153 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:23,360 relationship. Nobody's perfect and nothing's perfect. We work at this. We 154 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:32,280 work hard at this. We work hard at this. We don't argue. We don't call each other 155 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:38,840 out of our names. We don't throw things break things. Walk out. We talk and 156 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:48,000 sometimes we don't even agree but we agree to disagree and it's all good. You 157 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:53,680 guys there are people every day who know everything about everything and you 158 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:58,280 waste your time trying to tell them better or tell them different and all it 159 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:04,440 is is a back and forth. It's not even a good debate. It's just a waste of moving 160 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:11,760 wind around moving your tongue up and down in your mouth. Salava building up in 161 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:21,760 your mouth. It's a waste of time, breath and effort for one or both of you. Just 162 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:27,720 fall silent because once again a fool knows everything and they want to tell 163 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:32,200 you about everything they know but the wisest people know when to close their 164 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:38,920 mouth and smile or not. Alright it's your girl Sonia. Y'all know how to find me. It's 165 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:45,200 Sonia, S-O-N-Y-A-M at LeadbyMotivation.com or you can email us at 166 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:53,360 LeadbyMotivation07 at gmail.com. I so appreciate you all and keep the emails 167 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:59,160 coming. I appreciate those. Keep the ideas coming. I'm gonna start hitting on 168 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:05,240 these ideas next week or not next week I'm sorry the week after that. I'm gonna 169 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:09,640 start hitting on these ideas. I'm just stop piling them and I am going to start 170 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:14,640 with my interviews again. As a matter of fact I have one this Saturday. I know you 171 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:18,600 guys loved it when Eric was on the show. He's supposed to be on the show 172 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:25,720 monthly but he's got something going on with work and Paula and I have so many 173 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:30,400 other guests lined up. If you do not receive my free newsletter what are you 174 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:35,560 waiting on? It's as simple as sending me an email and you got it. Alright have a 175 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:59,880 great day you all.