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Well, hello everybody and welcome to Redeem Through His Blood.

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In this podcast we discuss hope healing and redemption through the atonement of Jesus

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Christ.

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I'm Scott Durfee and I want to introduce my partner in this project, our teacher, brother

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David Durfee.

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Good morning everybody.

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So again, we want to just be mindful and thankful, let you know how thankful we are

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for the emails and the questions that we're getting.

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We appreciate the suggestions.

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More than anything, we appreciate the questions that are coming and we have and will continue

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to address many of these questions throughout our podcast.

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We actually, Dave, received an email early on in our endeavor here from a great young

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man who we have the opportunity of being with today.

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We'll introduce Nate in just a few minutes, but look forward to having him here with us

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today.

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Before we get to that though, I just want to make sure that we encourage more questions.

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We encourage your comments.

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Please send any and all that you may have to this email.

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It is, heredeemsusatgmail.com.

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He redeemsusatgmail.com.

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So this week we are going to take a bit of a break in the action and we're going to

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to, as we've been talking about the effects of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we're going

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to move into the effects of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and we're going to see that

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alive and well in a young man who has struggled and fought his way through life to a point

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where he's enjoying the full benefits of covenant keeping, of the spirit in his life and all

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because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

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So we're going to get into that here in just a second to do that.

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I'm going to have Dave go ahead and introduce Nate.

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Nate Moller will be our guest today.

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So I'm going to go ahead and turn the time to Dave.

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Let him take it from there for just a few minutes.

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Well, Nathan and I met in an institute class.

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Nathan, how long has that been?

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I was thinking about that just yesterday.

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I think it's been about 12 years.

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12 years ago.

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It was 10 minutes.

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Yeah, it was pretty early when I had just, I think it'd only been a year or two that

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I had designed the course on repentance and forgiveness.

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And you saw the course on a class offering of Utah Valley University Institute of Religion

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and came into the class, we met, I don't know, there was a feeling, I know on my part, towards

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you immediately.

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And we developed this relationship.

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I think you actually took the course how many times?

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It was so fun that you took it multiple times, two or three?

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I don't remember.

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I just know that that first time I took Institute, I walked into one class and I just didn't,

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I just wasn't feeling it.

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And then I went to another class and it was yours.

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And then I just followed you around and took all your classes.

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I don't, I don't know, but that was, that was a, some of your classes were repeats.

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And I was old enough at that point that I don't even think I was allowed to be an institute,

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but you let me keep coming.

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So well, it was a lot.

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So anyway, you took, you took some courses and, and I remember you, I still remember,

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I have a vision of, of you sitting in the class absorbing all this.

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And after a class or two, you, you kind of helped me teach some of these principles,

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Nathan, to other students that were in the class, I remember.

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You were, you were more than willing.

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How, let's see, how, how old were you when you took that course?

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Um, probably, well, 27, 28, 29 in there.

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Yeah.

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You were a little older than the other Utah Valley students, I remember.

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And your experiences, I recall, were in a great blessing, extreme blessing to those who

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were in the class and I just, I kind of saw you as help kind of being helping me to co-teach

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that class.

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You had to have those experiences.

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You had related to it.

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You had applied the principles the first time that you took the course.

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And, and anyway, I, I had, you were, you were awesome the first time you took the course.

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Your, your life was already well, pretty well established and you were well on your way to

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a full conversion.

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But I think there were things that happened in the class that helped to strengthen that,

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wasn't there?

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Yeah, I had, I had a lot of questions still during that class.

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It was, I think the first time I took it, we were only a year out from going to the temple

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the first time my wife and I.

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And I still had a lot of questions about, you know, the repentance process that I had

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gone through.

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Like I was, I had been in a disciplinary council and all of those things.

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And so like I had a lot of questions still about how it worked and if I really was worthy

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to be where I was, and that class just helped connect a lot of dots and helped me to understand

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things a lot more thoroughly.

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I think that ultimately was a lot of what I was looking for was why I went to Institute

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in the first place just because I, I had, you know, the information I had the gospel,

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but I just didn't have enough understanding to go along with it.

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So it definitely helped for sure.

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Yeah.

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Well, anyway, and we've had a sweet relationship and friendship ever, ever since the Nate,

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why don't you just kind of help us to introduce you by telling us about your situation.

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You're married with six children.

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This is your second marriage, right?

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Yep.

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Yep.

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This is my second marriage to my two oldest kids are from my first marriage.

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Okay.

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Tell us, just tell us a little bit about your family.

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Let's see.

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My wife and I, we've been married.

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We just celebrated 13 years, which isn't a lot, but it feels like a lot.

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I've known her since I was nine and she was two.

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That's a whole, that's a whole story in and of itself.

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My oldest daughter will be, well, she's 19, she'll be 20 in November.

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And then we have a 17 year old, a 14 year old, 12 year old, 10 year old and an eight

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year old.

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My wife and I are both teachers.

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I don't know, we just, we love it.

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We live in Spanish fork and that's in Utah and we just, I don't know, we just, we just

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love it.

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Our family and our life, it's just awesome.

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So how, how long did your first marriage last, Nathan?

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Uh, let's see.

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About it lasted five years, four years.

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I mean, we got separated after four years, I think it was.

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And then our divorce wasn't final until two years after that.

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So on paper it was six years, but.

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Well, I, I know that, uh, we've talked a little bit about that in the past.

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I remember and some of the lessons that you learned from that and maybe just a little

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bit so our listeners can understand and appreciate this part of your life, Nathan, is that your

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extended family is, I know, really important to you.

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And just tell us a little bit about your, your parents and the situation there that has had

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such a tremendous, uh, impact on your life.

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Um, well, I think first off, like my parents, my, my birth parents, my mom, my dad, when

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they got married, like my, my mom was 16 when I was born.

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Um, and my dad was 18, 19.

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So my parents were really young.

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Um, and they did the best that they could, but they're, they got divorced when I was

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in third grade and then my mom got remarried and then divorced again and then remarried

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one last time.

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Um, so my dad was always kind of there.

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Um, but he worked a lot and was single for most of those teenage years for me.

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When my mom married my, my latest and, and last, well, she's married again, but, um,

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when she married, his name's Corey, when she married Corey, I was 12 and she was married

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to him until I was 30.

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And then he, uh, he died.

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Um, he was killed.

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Um, but that was, it was honestly, it was rough because him and I actually didn't get along

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until after he died.

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Now I feel like I'm closer to him now more than I ever was during in life.

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So he was my dad, but I didn't realize how much of a dad he was to me until, um, until

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he died.

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But we're going to, we're going to talk about that too.

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We're going to have you at not at this point, but at a point, we're going to have you talk

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about that experience with your dad, Corey and the situation there.

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But, um, you know, there, there's been just an awful lot so far that you've talked about,

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you know, your family, everything seems like it was pretty standard, Nate.

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Um, you know, except for a few divorces, I mean, you know, but that's not all that uncommon

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in today's world, right?

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My kids have gone through those experiences and you've gone through those experiences

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as a kid.

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Dave's had the experience from being able to counsel with and see a lot of this because

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his leadership positions and so forth in the church, uh, which gives him a great perspective

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on that front.

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But you know, from a third grade kid, how old are you in third grade?

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Eight, nine, somewhere in that neighborhood to have parents going through what they must

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have been going through that had to create some kind of, uh, feelings of confusion, maybe

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fear, maybe, I don't know.

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How would you describe that at that time?

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Well, so back then, um, I mean, everything seemed normal.

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I mean, I remember thinking I knew that there were problems, but I didn't really know what

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they were.

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Um, but you start to get this sense of like, okay, it's mom versus dad.

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I have to like mom over dad or I have to like dad over mom.

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I don't know if my parents, I mean, I don't think they would intentionally play us against

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each other or play us against one another, um, but that's what it was like.

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And I was the oldest.

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I'm still the oldest and I had two younger siblings and so my parents, you know, though

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it seemed normal, my parents were always at work.

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So I was often alone taking care of my siblings.

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Um, like I said, they did the best that they could, but it was rough.

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Like I, I don't know, I just kind of had the sense that I was like another parent, like

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I was just a babysitter.

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So, um, my parents wouldn't get home till late.

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They would be in bed early in the morning or go to work early in the morning and I'd

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get my siblings up and send them to school.

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Um, and most of the time that's, at least that's how I remembered it.

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So I remember being home in the summertime, you know, with my siblings, like we'd leave

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my little brother home or my little brother would go to a sitter and my middle brother,

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he's just a few years younger than I, we would walk to the Provo pool and just, we'd just

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be there all day long.

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Yeah.

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Um, that's just where we lived.

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Um, we didn't, you know, I'm sure to a lot of people, it just looked like we didn't,

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we didn't have parents, but it was, it was hard, but it led to a lot of frustration.

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It led to a lot of, uh, anger for me.

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I used to take it out on my siblings.

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Yeah.

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Tell me, tell me about the frustration.

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Talk to me about the frustration and the anger, maybe.

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Um, and, and how that carried into not just so at eight and nine, I mean, you're getting

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some of this going on.

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Things couldn't have been perfect prior to that or mom and dad wouldn't have got a divorce

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in the first place.

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And there may have been some, some confusion that you weren't even able to articulate at

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that young age, perhaps, but as things progressed for you and your life and you moved from,

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you know, pre-adolescent to adolescent to your preteens to your teenage years, even

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into high school and your early adulthood, kind of just give us an overview of what it

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was like for you.

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Uh, and emphasize those things that, um, really led to your wandering away from anything

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that was, uh, like the atonement of Jesus Christ, for example.

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Well, my parents were part of the church before they divorced.

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I remember getting baptized.

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Um, and so up until that point, I was part of the church after my parents divorced.

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Um, my mom was remarried.

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So let me, let me, let me pause you right there.

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When you say I was part of the church at eight, what did that, what does that look like by

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record only?

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Or were you participating and going to primary and Sunday school and activities and all those

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things?

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So what was that like?

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Yeah, I, I remember, I remember going.

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I remember being there.

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I remember, um, young, well, I would say young men, young women leaders, but that was what

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they were yet, right?

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They were primary leaders, um, bringing me, I still have a, I have a book that one of

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my primary leaders wrote in when I got baptized.

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So like I, there was enough of participation that they were trying, but now that I'm, you

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know, in the church, you know, strongly now, maybe, maybe we were less active.

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I don't know because I remember getting extra attention from them, which usually means they're

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trying to get us to come back.

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So I don't remember for sure.

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Right.

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But you did, you did grow up having some familiarity with the workings, with even the, the culture

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and even the spirit around all of it.

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It sounds like, yeah.

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So it sounds like that you weren't just left wander, just left to wander spiritually, even

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at that young age, there was some direction, obviously, probably very confusing because

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it was a meeting against a home front that was incongruent with all of that.

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And so what was happening inside of you when this was all going on?

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Um, so after they got divorced, it was just more of like, well, we don't go to church

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00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:30,920
anymore.

232
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:31,920
That was just kind of the expectation.

233
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:36,440
I had friends that went and so I would go and hang out.

234
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:40,280
I remember being in scouts, but it wasn't, we didn't go to church.

235
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:41,920
My dad didn't go to church.

236
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,460
So that wasn't pushed.

237
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:50,920
So at the time of the divorce, my time without the church kind of began, um, because we,

238
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:51,920
we weren't a part of it.

239
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:52,920
Right.

240
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:58,000
Um, but I will say one of my earliest memories is actually being in primary and I remember

241
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:03,560
I was a sunbeam and I remember singing, I am a child of a God.

242
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:09,520
And I didn't really understand the impact of that, but having that song in my mind throughout

243
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:15,240
my those years and even knowing at some point somewhere I am a child of God, that was a

244
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,120
big, um, it focused me a lot.

245
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:24,720
It helped me to at least have some kind of semblance of something like I didn't, I didn't

246
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,480
understand it until later, but, um, that helped a ton.

247
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,720
But my whole teenage years, we didn't have any of that.

248
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:38,480
My mom, the guy she married, um, he, he drank a lot and for, and I know I'm not, I don't

249
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:39,840
want to like my mom did her best.

250
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,760
Like I said, I'm not trying to bad mouth her or anything, but in that, in that marriage,

251
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:49,360
I mean it was two years, roughly, you know, we would, my brothers and I would get beat

252
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,360
by him.

253
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,480
My, you know, my mom was getting abused by him as well.

254
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:58,160
And that's really where my anger and start and everything really started was, I mean,

255
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:04,000
I had siblings always following me around, but then after I was getting beat, um, that

256
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:08,200
would turn up a me showing anger and frustration at school and even more so to my brothers

257
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,320
and my neighborhood, um, things like that.

258
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:16,040
I was, I was a rough kid, um, those early years in school, fourth, fifth, sixth grade.

259
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:22,000
Um, I remember I, I taped a needle, like a sewing needle to my teacher's chair, um,

260
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,640
which to me as a teacher now it's like, oh, that's a scream for hell.

261
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:26,640
You know?

262
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:31,160
And I was, I was, I was screaming for help, but I didn't know it and I don't know if

263
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,160
anybody else knew it.

264
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,160
I was rough.

265
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,120
I was a rough kid because of that.

266
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:39,800
So as you were experiencing all of this and so far we're still in elementary school, it

267
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,040
sounds like, is your experience all of this?

268
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:46,900
And you move into your adolescent years, you know, and we go through changes in our body.

269
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:52,560
We go through changes in our association with other people, et cetera.

270
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:56,620
How were these things beginning to, and when I say these things, what I'm referring to

271
00:17:56,620 --> 00:18:02,640
specifically is how did the dark things in your life, how were they becoming more and

272
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:03,940
more prevalent?

273
00:18:03,940 --> 00:18:06,360
Why were they becoming more and more prevalent?

274
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:12,000
Were you at some point beginning to find ways to kind of cope with the feelings that you

275
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,000
were having?

276
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,520
And if so, what were the ways that you were doing that?

277
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:21,760
How were you coping with the confusion, the anger, the fear, the, the absolute, to be

278
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:27,440
abused and to be watching your mom or knowing that your mom's being abused, that's just

279
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,240
something nobody should ever have to go through.

280
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:31,960
But you nonetheless did.

281
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,600
And so how was that?

282
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:39,200
I mean, what were some of the ways that your frustration, your anxiety, all of the other

283
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:44,280
adjectives that I could use and none of them would be adequate, I get it.

284
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:48,440
But how were all of those things beginning to manifest themselves?

285
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:57,080
Really, I, I didn't know how, I just acted out.

286
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,480
I got in fights at school, I would steal things, I would, I mean, that went all the

287
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,480
way up until I was a young adult.

288
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:11,440
I mean, you know, meaning in my 20s, I had no idea, you know, what I was doing.

289
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:12,960
I just did things.

290
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,880
I had people around that were not good kids.

291
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:19,960
Like I remember in elementary school, I had a kid pull a gun on me in elementary school.

292
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,600
In elementary school?

293
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:22,600
Yeah.

294
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:23,600
Wow.

295
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:24,600
Yeah.

296
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,600
Because I was really mean to one of his friends.

297
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,840
So he brought a gun to school and put a gun to my head and said that if I wasn't nice

298
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,040
to his friend, he'd kill me.

299
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:37,360
I don't know if my mom knows that, but that happened just in Provo.

300
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,800
I just, I mean, it just shows.

301
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,120
Like I just, I just acted.

302
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:41,720
I just did whatever I wanted.

303
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:42,720
Right.

304
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,760
And I was like, to heck with what anybody thought or felt, I just, I just was what I

305
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:47,760
was.

306
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,760
And that was, that was a problem.

307
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,480
I was lightning without a rod, I guess, if you say like, I just, I wasn't focused.

308
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,480
I just did whatever I wanted.

309
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,480
Yeah.

310
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:56,480
I liked that analogy.

311
00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,400
You were, you were how old when you got married, Nate?

312
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,400
We got married.

313
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,000
I was, I was 20 or 19.

314
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,000
Okay.

315
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,000
So almost 20.

316
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,000
Okay.

317
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,160
Married, married for a few years.

318
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:16,120
What was kind of the depth of darkness that you experienced in those years?

319
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,560
The depth of your darkness.

320
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,200
Where, how far?

321
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:28,440
Well, honestly, the first thing that comes to mind is probably before my marriage, right

322
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:34,880
around that, you know, mission age time, you know, I, because when my mom married Corey,

323
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,880
I got to go back to church a little bit.

324
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,480
And so when I got to that mission age, there was always, there was a question.

325
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,920
I remember a bitch asking, are you going to go on a mission?

326
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:47,080
I think the depths of everything really started when I made the choice of, do I want to go

327
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,360
on a mission or do I want this girlfriend I have?

328
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:56,040
And for fear that she, well, I knew she wouldn't wait for me.

329
00:20:56,040 --> 00:21:02,080
And I guess for my lack of understanding, I chose her instead of a mission.

330
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:06,480
That being said, I'm so glad I have my children and I wouldn't, I wouldn't give them up now.

331
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:13,240
But I chose, you know, my children basically, I chose my girlfriend over a mission.

332
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,240
And then we got married.

333
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:19,200
So that really, I think probably started a lot of things.

334
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,680
I tried, you know, I remember when we got married, we tried to go to church and it just

335
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,280
didn't work.

336
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:28,240
And so after about a year and a half, we stopped going.

337
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:32,120
And then from there, that's where it really fell apart.

338
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:38,400
I had drank alcohol and done a few drugs here and there throughout my teenage years.

339
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,720
And I didn't the first year and a half, but after the first year and a half of my marriage,

340
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,960
I just didn't, it just fell apart from there.

341
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:51,920
I became, I wasn't an alcoholic yet, I don't think, but I drank a lot recreationally for

342
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,800
fun, I guess.

343
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,000
She started doing that too.

344
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,920
And we just, you know, our marriage really just didn't have a focus.

345
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,420
We were just married.

346
00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:05,040
And I guess maybe at that point the focus was we're married for our kids.

347
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,640
Like there wasn't anything else to it.

348
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:14,560
So your life, your life at that point really started to unravel and maybe even things in

349
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:20,480
your past and maybe hers as well began to kind of be exposed.

350
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:27,480
And so what was kind of your rock bottom and what got your attention to start coming back?

351
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:37,240
Well, my rock bottom didn't really happen until we were separated.

352
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,800
So I think that started me on the path to take me to rock bottom.

353
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:46,160
So when we were separated, you know, she left and we had bought a house and we were selling

354
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:49,560
it and the kids were at my house.

355
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,920
I mean, like she didn't have anywhere to go yet.

356
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:55,960
So she would come and sleep on the couch of that house and I would sleep upstairs until

357
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:56,960
we sold it.

358
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,480
And it was in the best we could before we had, but it was dysfunctional to say the

359
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,200
least and it made it hard.

360
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,400
So I just, that's when I really started drinking.

361
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:10,080
I remember spending, I was spending, spending probably $600 to $700 a month at least on alcohol

362
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,360
just for myself.

363
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:15,720
So just to be clear, Nate, at this point you have two children?

364
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:16,720
I have two.

365
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:17,720
They were both little.

366
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,720
Let's see how old.

367
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,920
Um, five and five and two, three under five.

368
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:24,920
Got it.

369
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:25,920
Yeah.

370
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,920
Um, so we sold the house.

371
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:33,040
I moved into an apartment and I just, I just drank and, and partied and I put the kids

372
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:40,280
to bed and then after the kids went to bed, I'd do whatever at nighttime.

373
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:49,320
So you know, almost two years of that, I came to a point where it was like, okay, I don't

374
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:50,960
like the way that my life is going.

375
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,640
I don't, I don't like, there were, there were two guys that were living in the same

376
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,240
areas, who were kind of in the same boat.

377
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,320
They were both, you know, drinking, partying, those kinds of things.

378
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:04,080
The one guy was really, really not doing well.

379
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:08,480
He was, you know, pretty dark and that kind of took my thoughts to some darker places.

380
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,880
Um, and right around that time I started to have these suicidal thoughts and tendencies

381
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,680
come around like, look, I'm not doing anything for anybody.

382
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,440
Like, what's the point?

383
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,400
What am I, what am I really doing here?

384
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,840
Um, I've, you know, basically I come to the realization that I had failed.

385
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,960
Like my life had failed the way that I was living wasn't a way to live.

386
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:27,960
So what's the point?

387
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:28,960
Why should I keep going?

388
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,720
And when I decided that I, you know what, I'm done.

389
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,320
I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill myself.

390
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:35,880
There's no reason to keep going.

391
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:41,880
That was really probably about the, as rock bottom as it got, well, as I was driving out

392
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:48,040
to my parents' house to go and get a gun that I knew my dad left in a, in a cupboard in the

393
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:49,040
garage.

394
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,240
So Nate, let me, that was probably about my arc bottom.

395
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,240
Let me have you.

396
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,840
I'll just go back as there's a couple of things that I want to emphasize about what you're

397
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:56,840
talking about.

398
00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:01,680
I want to get to where you're headed with, you know, your rock bottom story, but prior

399
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:06,600
to that, were there, were there inklings?

400
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:13,560
Did you ever have ideologies prior to this date of perhaps ending your own life?

401
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,920
Was it a fleeting thought from time to time?

402
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,280
Was it something that you had seriously contemplated?

403
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,480
You just mentioned that you were going over to your dad's and there was a gun there and,

404
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,280
and we can all imagine where we're going with this, but to have these thoughts come to your

405
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,120
mind before or was this first time ever?

406
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:35,560
No, um, I, I had thought that from time to time when I was younger as well.

407
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:40,800
I mean, there were a lot of really hard times growing up.

408
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:46,920
So you were no stranger to despair at any point so far in your story here.

409
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,800
Ever had been throughout your life, it sounds like.

410
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:54,200
Well, I was, I was an angry, angry person.

411
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,200
Yeah.

412
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,840
Um, I, I mean, I was known for getting into fights at school.

413
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,960
So that's, that was my reputation.

414
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:05,880
Um, my dad, my, my stepdad, my dad was a cop.

415
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,720
So as you can imagine, those two things didn't go together very well.

416
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:16,760
Um, I was also larger than he was and had a, you know, inflammatory, you know, you know,

417
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,560
temporary, uh, temperament most of the time.

418
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,800
Um, so I spent a lot of time alone.

419
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:23,440
We also lived in the middle of nowhere.

420
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,400
We lived out in the farming community out west of Spanish Fork.

421
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,560
So nobody was coming to get me.

422
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:32,120
So I was on the farm alone a lot.

423
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:36,640
Um, I remember sleeping in cars when my parents were mad at me and things like that.

424
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,240
So like it was, yeah, I had, I was alone a lot.

425
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,040
And so because of that, I thought those things a lot.

426
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,240
Like, you know, what's the point?

427
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,840
I don't, nobody cares about me.

428
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:51,440
Um, so you're at your dad's, you pull up to your mom and dads and continue with that

429
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:52,440
part.

430
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:53,440
Yeah.

431
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,520
So I, I actually didn't quite get to my parents' house.

432
00:26:55,520 --> 00:27:00,360
Um, I lived, I lived, um, I don't know, probably five, six miles away from where their house

433
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:03,560
was out, um, in the farm country.

434
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:12,800
And I got probably two thirds of the way there and I had this thought of like, wait,

435
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:17,440
if anything, I do have a reason to live and then it was about that moment that my kids'

436
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:26,160
images flashed in my mind and I knew I needed to hold on for at least them.

437
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:30,480
So I slowed my car down, turned around and drove back home.

438
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:37,040
And that was probably the moment where, you know, my parabola of being at the very bottom

439
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:41,840
started to come back up just, just a little bit because I decided to turn around.

440
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:45,400
So what do you think was the source of, of that thought?

441
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:50,880
As you look back on that, uh, now, Nathan, what, what was kind of the source of that?

442
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,640
Do you think?

443
00:27:52,640 --> 00:28:01,520
Well, I know what the source was, but at that time it was just a, I've got to live for my

444
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:08,880
kids' moment, but as, as, you know, as I go along with this, I know the best way that

445
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:17,240
I can explain it is, you know, the savior reached into my soul and calm those stormy

446
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:18,240
seas.

447
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:19,240
He calmed the water.

448
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,480
He stopped it.

449
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,760
I don't know how else to explain it.

450
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:33,200
I, it was, I know that I had gone as far as I could go when I couldn't go anymore and

451
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,200
he stopped it.

452
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:35,280
He saved me.

453
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:40,840
So he gave me the perspective to continue on and hope for something more.

454
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:47,840
Nate, so many of our listeners, uh, have experienced or maybe even are experiencing something very

455
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:53,480
similar, maybe not in terms of the logistical details of what we're talking about here,

456
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:56,120
but the feelings are not unfamiliar.

457
00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:01,280
The feelings of hopelessness, the feelings of despair, the feelings of I am done.

458
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,320
I just can't keep doing this.

459
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:08,480
And people want to know they're going to ask, why was Nate blessed?

460
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:14,880
Why was Nathan blessed so much that he was able to fill Christ's spirit, reach down and

461
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,200
your words, pull him out of what's going on here.

462
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,840
So how would you respond to that?

463
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,000
Why were you blessed in this way?

464
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,120
What choices had you made?

465
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,600
What things in your life kind of precipitated this?

466
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,320
Was there an event or just a series of events?

467
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,640
So what made you, what made this?

468
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:39,080
What made your heart available and open to the re, to be receptive to the spirit of our

469
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,880
Heavenly Father at that point?

470
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:48,480
The first thing that comes to mind is, um, throughout those years where I didn't have

471
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:55,120
the church in my life, um, there was still always part of me because of the foundation

472
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:56,960
that I didn't know was important.

473
00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:01,600
It had been laid, I think even just from when I was a son beam, having that song, I tell

474
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:10,520
the God, um, there were moments where I had been, I remember one night I was really being

475
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:16,480
maybe a more like an Enos moment or I'm being really just or a Nephi moment where I'm, my

476
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,640
past is just wreaking havoc on me.

477
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:26,240
I don't have gospel in my life, but I just was just feeling so terrible about what I

478
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,960
knew to that point that I was guilty of.

479
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:34,360
And so I remember sitting in my car and I remember praying probably more fervently than

480
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:35,680
I ever have.

481
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:42,400
And I remember looking up and seeing the stars and just a feeling I had was I'm not alone.

482
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:49,000
So I had a few moments like that throughout those years where even though I was lost or

483
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:52,280
at least I think I was, I was still searching for something.

484
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:57,200
Um, so part of me had always, I think, I know part of me always believed, but it just wasn't

485
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,440
something that I had chosen to accept or give place for yet.

486
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:06,240
So in that moment when I'm driving out to my parents house and my kids images float in

487
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:14,960
my mind, I tap back into that, into those feelings of hoping for something more, I think

488
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:19,720
and that sliver of faith, that sliver of hope.

489
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,280
I mean, if you go to what is it?

490
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:28,000
Um, Alma 27, I'm a 32, 27, 28, that seed had grown enough, I think that the Lord was

491
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,160
like, okay, I can, I can help you now.

492
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,360
That's that's that's what I think.

493
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:34,360
Okay.

494
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:42,160
So, so you turned around, you know, you learned in the course that repentance literally means

495
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,560
to turn around.

496
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:50,360
So that was the beginning of you would say turning around your life.

497
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:54,240
And where did it go from there, Nathan?

498
00:31:54,240 --> 00:32:01,200
So from there I drove home and I remember, um, my brother, well, he's my brother on the

499
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:06,360
now, but my friend at that point had had come over and I was trying to explain to him what

500
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:14,160
had happened and, um, in between, um, driving home and him coming over, I had this realization.

501
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:20,680
It was like, it was like God knew that I needed to have a carrot mangled before me.

502
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,880
And I mean, you know, being separated, I felt alone.

503
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,640
I felt all this despair.

504
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:31,940
This image came into my mind of a woman that I have a girl that I was supposed to be with.

505
00:32:31,940 --> 00:32:34,760
And it was my best friend's sister.

506
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:40,080
And I just had this all encompassing feeling of she's home supposed to be with.

507
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:41,080
I know it.

508
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:42,880
I just, I just knew it.

509
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:49,240
And I then tried to explain that to him and he laughed, essentially laughed me to scorn.

510
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,720
And I had this impression, you know, let's open the scriptures.

511
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:58,520
And so I ended up going to ether 1227, which was when I wrote you guys that initial email.

512
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:04,360
Um, and we, well, we read part of ether and how it talks about faith and we got to 1227.

513
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:08,560
So the faith and then the making weak things become strong.

514
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:15,480
It was as if what I had known or been shown was then granted for him to be able to see

515
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,360
because he knew in that moment also that it was true.

516
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:24,080
And then from then, um, I just, I just had an upward trajectory.

517
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,760
The Lord was just guiding me beyond what I can understand.

518
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,320
I had something to hope for.

519
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,720
Even though I didn't know that I was going to get it, I believed it.

520
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,760
And I just kind of, you know, worked toward that.

521
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:37,280
I started going back to church.

522
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,040
I, you know, started hanging around my parents more.

523
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:41,800
I stopped hanging around bad friends.

524
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:44,000
Obviously I didn't drink anymore.

525
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:48,760
Um, and I just started that path of change because I knew it's like, look, I had tried

526
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:49,760
to live.

527
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,560
I had tried to do it my way and I failed.

528
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,920
I failed to live the way that I wanted to.

529
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,320
So there had to be something else.

530
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,040
There had to be a better way and the better way.

531
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,040
It wasn't my way.

532
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:00,600
It was his.

533
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:04,000
So I've long felt that the way that I live now, I'm on his errand.

534
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,960
I owe everything I am to him.

535
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,360
I failed.

536
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,680
And so now I am living a second life that was granted by him alone.

537
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,000
And so I just, I feel like I have to do the best that I can.

538
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,080
I'm still very flawed, but I try.

539
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,080
So,

540
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:23,800
Well, what's amazing as you're relating your story, Nathan, what, what I think is amazing

541
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:33,360
is that you were in a really bad place, but somehow, some way because of a child hearing

542
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:41,080
or feeling more than hearing the truth about being a child of God, that when the Lord gave

543
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,400
you an experience, you recognized it.

544
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,320
I'm not sure that you really knew the source of it, but, but that you knew that it was

545
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:56,280
God and that God knew you and that God was concerned about you and you recognize that

546
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:57,840
and received it.

547
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:04,080
I think so many times God gives people's experiences, but they felt either recognize the source of

548
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,040
it or felt to completely receive it.

549
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:14,400
Not only did you receive it by turning around, by going back to your children, but you turned

550
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,280
to the word of the Lord.

551
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,840
That's pretty amazing to me because I don't think you probably had a lot of experience

552
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:27,680
with the scriptures, but you were led into the, into the scriptures and there is a power

553
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,600
about the word, isn't there?

554
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:36,720
No, there is, but I would say there's a power about it, but there's an even greater power

555
00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:40,080
about it when you choose it for yourself.

556
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:46,160
Up to that point, I had the church in my life on and off, but it wasn't something that I

557
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:47,720
had chosen for myself.

558
00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:50,560
Therefore, I didn't understand what was really happening.

559
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:56,720
So, when I went to church as a teen on and off, I didn't want to go.

560
00:35:56,720 --> 00:35:57,720
I didn't want to be there.

561
00:35:57,720 --> 00:35:59,040
I didn't see a point.

562
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:03,200
I was going through the motions, but I never was converted to it.

563
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:10,560
So I say, you know, I was raised in the church, but I was converted when I was 27 because

564
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:16,000
I really didn't choose to be a part of it until I was about 27, 26, 27.

565
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,440
So, well, I think there's a difference to Nathan.

566
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:24,760
Maybe you can describe this of being converted to the church versus being converted to the

567
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,400
gospel of Jesus Christ.

568
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:35,000
And at that point, your conversion is more to God, to Jesus Christ.

569
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:41,880
You're beginning to fill the spirit, and your real conversion is in developing a relationship

570
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:45,920
with God and feeling that they know you and your desire to know them.

571
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:46,920
Is that right?

572
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:47,920
How would you put that?

573
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:48,920
No, I agree.

574
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:54,720
So, I mean, I think the church is wonderful, but the reality of it is, and this was said

575
00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:58,640
in conference, and maybe you can tell me who said it, but I want to say it was like Ballard

576
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:03,200
or something, but the church is only created for imperfect people.

577
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,280
If we were perfect, we wouldn't need the church.

578
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,200
We would have an understanding and we would have, you know, the Lord, and we wouldn't

579
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,480
need to worry about it.

580
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:14,000
The church is amazing, but it's just a tool to help us get back to God.

581
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,440
And the connections that you can make with the Lord, especially which is really cool

582
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:22,920
with our church is, I mean, you said this in class once, we aren't all prophets, seers

583
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:27,120
and revelators, but we are all prophets because we can receive revelation.

584
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,360
I've received lots of different revelations for myself.

585
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:36,240
I seek out understanding and have questions all the time so that I can further my understanding.

586
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:40,920
And that has to do with my individual relationship with God.

587
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:46,680
And the more you grow to know Him, the more you become like Him and the closer you get

588
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:47,680
to Him.

589
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,520
I mean, like it becomes harder and harder and harder to fall.

590
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:53,120
You also brought up in that, and it was in conference two, the talk, the story about

591
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:57,240
the two wolves and which wolf wins, the one that you feed.

592
00:37:57,240 --> 00:38:03,600
Well, I mean, the more I, you know, go down this path that I started years ago, the more

593
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,440
that I find myself close to Him.

594
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:10,040
That doesn't mean that I don't have moments where I feel like I've made an about face

595
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,480
and I'm going the wrong direction.

596
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,720
But ultimately my foundation is Christ.

597
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:19,600
And because my foundation is Christ, even when I have hard times, I know that I can't

598
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,480
fall because He's always there.

599
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,920
Yeah, that's really powerful, Nathan.

600
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:33,440
So skip a little bit further ahead from that night that you read, Ether 1227, and you started

601
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:40,920
to come back and you end up marrying your best friend's sister, who's now your wife.

602
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:46,480
And I know that story and I think it's so sacred and so sweet that God gave you that

603
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:51,680
vision and I know it's true and I know both of you know it's true.

604
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:57,000
And now you have these children and you're a school teacher, you're a football coach,

605
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,680
you're doing all of these things.

606
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:05,280
But so several years have been under the bridge since you took the course on repentance and

607
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:06,280
forgiveness.

608
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:11,200
Just to remind you, we begin that course as we did this podcast.

609
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:18,000
By the way, before I forget, you have your own podcast trying to help youth, some of

610
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:23,480
them maybe going through some of the things you went through to try to help adolescents.

611
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:30,000
Why don't you just, before I forget, say something about your podcast?

612
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:36,440
Well, ours is called, what do we even call it, Teen Advice Stuff You Really Want to

613
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:37,440
Hear.

614
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:38,440
Say it again?

615
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,200
We're doing it, Teen Advice Stuff You Really Want to Hear.

616
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,280
That's the name of the podcast.

617
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:51,360
We just, yeah, my wife and I do it just trying to take the perspective of teachers and I

618
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:57,320
mean, you know, my wife's story and her experiences in life, ironically enough, are very similar

619
00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:03,160
to my own and the fact that she was even able to pray and get an answer that she was supposed

620
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,760
to marry me is a testament to the things that she'd been through and learned that God is

621
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:07,760
there.

622
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:12,640
Anyway, all of those things and the fact that we teach, we try to help kids get through

623
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:13,640
this time.

624
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:18,880
I'll be, we were really diligent with it for a while and then school started and we stopped

625
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:22,920
and we tried to start it again this summer and then, I mean, we've been so busy.

626
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,000
But I mean, it's still there.

627
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,880
We have about 20 episodes that are on it.

628
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:32,640
So for those who want to know, it's called Stuff You Really Want to Know, Teen Advice

629
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:36,760
and it's by, oh boy, I just started playing it.

630
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:41,720
And it's by, yeah, and it's by Nate and Jess Moller.

631
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:42,720
Okay.

632
00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:44,840
So, so thank you for that.

633
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:51,120
I hope, I hope that parents will, will point their teens that direction and they'll be

634
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,160
able to find it.

635
00:40:53,160 --> 00:41:01,160
So going back to our course, you remember back then as we began this podcast was to know

636
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:05,400
who you are as sons and daughters of God.

637
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,560
That was the beginning of the course on repentance and forgiveness.

638
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:14,520
And to also know that we are fallen beings, that we are all sinners and to recognize and

639
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,680
celebrate our mortal state.

640
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:27,400
And then we go from there to through a process of obtaining faith in Christ, repentance,

641
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,200
which is a process.

642
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,520
What kind of stands out to you that strengthened you?

643
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:36,960
Because you were in a pretty good place when you, when I first met you and you were taking

644
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:42,040
that course, you were coming back, you were, you were in a pretty good place.

645
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:48,760
What stood out to you that helped strengthen your resolve to continue in your conversion

646
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:51,760
to the gospel?

647
00:41:51,760 --> 00:42:00,560
Um, I think the thing that helped me most was honestly, it was, it was pretty simple.

648
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:05,040
Um, at least, you know, easy thing to remember was just how you always told to endure to

649
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,000
the end, right?

650
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:14,560
I always just remember even now when things get really hard, just endure, just endure.

651
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,680
And then from there, my mind goes to various things that I've heard.

652
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:23,120
Like one of the things that I like to draw on is, um, Joseph Smith and knowing that

653
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:27,360
right before he had the first vision, you know, what happened to him, Satan did everything

654
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,720
he could to stop him from getting into that grove.

655
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:38,280
And I found that throughout my life, when things get really bad, it usually means that

656
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,280
Satan sees something good coming.

657
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:45,840
And if you can just hold on just for a little bit, that bad will pass and something good

658
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:47,840
follows.

659
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:56,640
Um, so I mean, really just, if you kind of take that for me, if you take that mindset,

660
00:42:56,640 --> 00:43:01,040
I've just found myself growing and growing and growing and faith and testimony.

661
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:05,760
I mean, some days it feels like, you know, one step forward and two steps back, but I

662
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:10,520
would say overall, I don't even have to say, I would say, I know that I am better off now

663
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,000
than I was.

664
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,480
And that right there is repentance.

665
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:18,120
The desire to be on a path and grow and become better.

666
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:19,120
That really is repentance.

667
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:22,320
You're showing God that you're repentant through your actions.

668
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:25,360
Um, and this taken a long time and it's been hard.

669
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:30,160
And I know it's still going to continue to be, but my life is so blessed just because

670
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:33,280
I remember those few things and I don't give up hope.

671
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:39,920
Um, I think the other thing that I remember is the story that I've shared today.

672
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:44,520
Um, whenever things again get really hard, like I've had moments where Jess and I will

673
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:49,160
get in an argument and it'll be like, God, why am I, why are we even married?

674
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:51,840
And I say that, but I say it because it's normal.

675
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,320
Satan wants you to second guess things.

676
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,480
And for people to think, Oh, that's terrible.

677
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:57,480
You thought you shouldn't be married to your wife.

678
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:58,480
No, it's normal.

679
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,000
So he was going to do that.

680
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,600
Um, I remember, well, let's see, why are we married?

681
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:05,640
And then I remember that story again.

682
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,520
And it's like, I know I'm supposed to be with her.

683
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:08,520
I know it.

684
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,600
And it kind of erases the lies that he tells you.

685
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:14,920
It dispels those things that he wants to get you to believe so that you get off course

686
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:15,920
again.

687
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:20,240
Well, that's, that's, that's the importance of remembering Nathan, right?

688
00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:26,200
I think we've, we've taught that, that President Kimball said the most important word in the

689
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:30,840
Book of Mormon is remember, but so many don't remember.

690
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:38,480
It's so easy to forget or to have something of a lapse, you know, of, we, we, we get this

691
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:45,200
spiritual amnesia sometimes and we forget who we are or we forget the experiences that

692
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:52,880
we've had, uh, besides just recalling them, what are you doing in your life now to be

693
00:44:52,880 --> 00:45:00,720
continually moving forward on the path, strengthening your faith, continuing in your repentance

694
00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:05,880
and to help yourself to remember these experiences that you've described.

695
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,640
And Nate, before you answer that question, maybe you could do it in light of another

696
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:13,400
experience that I know that's been difficult probably for you in your life.

697
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:17,920
You talk about a stepfather, in fact, you've talked about several stepfathers and you talked

698
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:25,440
about the blessing of your most recent, well, a stepfather, Corey, uh, who, um, went through

699
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:30,040
a pretty difficult situation or because of something that happened to him also created

700
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,320
difficult situation in your family.

701
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,240
Uh, that had to be hard for you as well.

702
00:45:35,240 --> 00:45:41,640
Maybe you could describe that and then answer Dave's question around that, but apply it

703
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:45,560
not just to everything else in your life, but that experience specifically.

704
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:49,960
Maybe you could kind of tell us what happened there briefly and how you've been able to

705
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:54,160
through the Atonement of Jesus Christ make it through that experience.

706
00:45:54,160 --> 00:46:03,920
Um, well, his, the story with him, um, he was, he was a Utah County Sheriff's deputy,

707
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,120
um, for long time.

708
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:12,960
It was what, eight months shy of 20 years, um, he's working out, Neagle Mountain.

709
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:19,720
Uh, he was a desk sergeant basically, and he was leaving his office in Neagle Mountain

710
00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:26,800
one day to drive out to where my family lived to pick up my little brother, um, to take him

711
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:27,800
to lunch.

712
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:31,640
And it was January 30th, 2014.

713
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:33,600
Super crappy day.

714
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,400
Really snowy, crappy day.

715
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:44,400
Um, and as he's leaving and he gets on to, um, SR 70 out there, that's the main road

716
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:49,200
that used to go from out like Cedar Fort, Eagle Mountain into Lehigh.

717
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:54,760
Um, he saw a truck parked off to the side of the road.

718
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:59,680
He drove past the truck and realized, you know, I'm, I, we, we, we don't know necessarily

719
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:04,120
what he thought because we don't have any audio or video to know, but I would customize.

720
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:09,000
I thought about this a lot, but you see him and I've seen the dash cam video.

721
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:14,520
He does drive past the truck, stops, turns around, comes back behind the truck and then,

722
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:19,640
um, calls into dispatch and says that he's got a motorist assist with police.

723
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,440
A motorist assist is like the most low key of calls.

724
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:26,080
It's I'm helping somebody change a tire or they're stuck in the mud or something like

725
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:27,080
that.

726
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,200
Um, not something that dispatch really worries about.

727
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:37,920
Um, and for 18 minutes, he goes back and forth between that car and his car and tries to

728
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,440
find out, okay, why are they on the side of the road?

729
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:45,160
Why are there hazards on what can I do to remedy their situation?

730
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:53,120
Um, he finds that there's a 17 year old female driving an adult Hispanic male in the past

731
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:58,800
year, see, um, he finds that the truck belongs to her grandparents.

732
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,120
She gives him, you know, her information.

733
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:03,680
He gave, he gets information from the mail.

734
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:06,600
Um, and it turns out that that information is faulty.

735
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,240
So for really the 18 minutes, he goes back and forth between the two cars.

736
00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:10,520
He's trying to find out who this male is.

737
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,280
He won't tell him how he is.

738
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:17,440
Um, after, you know, after about 18 minutes, the truck has a sliding back window on it

739
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:24,440
and did, uh, they, he shoots seven shots in the front of my dad's police car.

740
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:26,440
The first two bullets hit him.

741
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:30,720
Um, first one hits him up in the temple area on the side of his head and the second one

742
00:48:30,720 --> 00:48:35,840
hits him in the jugular on the opposite side of his head and he is incapacitated on the

743
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:40,960
side of the road and they speed off and it turns into a county wide man hunt, trying

744
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:46,120
to find somebody who had shot this deputy and later shot another deputy, which was a

745
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:47,560
red sheer wood.

746
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:52,680
He was shot in the head in, in the Santa Quinn and then they sped on and got into a shoot

747
00:48:52,680 --> 00:49:00,200
out and then that man died that day and the 17 year old is in prison for, um, you know,

748
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:02,400
aggravated murder, basically.

749
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:07,480
Um, that happened.

750
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:13,200
It goes back to that Joseph Smith analogy I mentioned earlier that happened about a week

751
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:18,280
after I had taken over the classroom in my student teaching assignment at Pleasant Grove

752
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:19,280
High School.

753
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:25,560
Um, in that moment it was like, holy crap, the world does not want me to be a teacher

754
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,000
and I already had doubts that I could do it.

755
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:32,680
I remember that first night when we were told that he was shot and killed, feeling anger

756
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:35,240
that first day at the hospital in Orm.

757
00:49:35,240 --> 00:49:36,240
That's where our family was.

758
00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:38,960
That's where the, the sheriff came and talked to us.

759
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:44,600
And then after that it was kind of like that initial experience that I explained when the

760
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,880
savior called my sees, it's like he did the same thing.

761
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:54,440
He took that angst, that frustration, that anger and he removed it and the outpouring

762
00:49:54,440 --> 00:50:03,960
of community love and, um, help and acceptance and willing to suffer collectively replaced

763
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,920
that anger and that frustration.

764
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,040
It really started the healing process for us and it was interesting.

765
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,880
A lot of the times I remember going to things.

766
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,520
I remember being at his viewing.

767
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:19,720
I remember going to events that our family was invited to be at, consoling other people,

768
00:50:19,720 --> 00:50:23,400
hugging people as they cried into my shoulder.

769
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:32,520
Um, it was rough, but it was very, very unique and very, a very sweet experience just because

770
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:37,960
I know at the end of the day, I think the thing that really gives us peace is I believe

771
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:41,320
that before we come to this earth, we're told what's going to happen.

772
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:45,080
I believe that we come knowing who we're going to be and what's going to happen.

773
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:49,280
And I know that Corey knew that that was going to happen to him that day, whether he realized

774
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:54,160
it in this life or not, but he knew and he chose to allow it.

775
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:58,840
So I know that he would have rather gone through that than make another family go through it,

776
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:03,320
which means that my family was positioned to have to go through such an experience.

777
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:04,920
And still to this day, it's hard.

778
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:09,000
I mean, I've mentioned not today, but I've realized this in my past.

779
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:12,800
Like when things happen like that, you don't, they don't go away.

780
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:13,800
They don't.

781
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,520
You really just learn to deal with it.

782
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:16,680
You learn to live with it.

783
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:18,680
You learn to either make it a positive or a negative.

784
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:22,640
And there are so many people that take things like that and let them become a negative and

785
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:24,560
it harbors on them.

786
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:29,440
What causes them to become these spiteful mean people because they just don't know how

787
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:30,440
to cope with it.

788
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:32,560
And in reality, we can't cope with it on our own.

789
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,880
We have to have a mediator.

790
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:38,880
And that's what the savior can do is he can allow you to get rid of all that negative

791
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:40,880
feeling and angst and everything else.

792
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:46,920
And now I'm able to take that story and among others and I use them in my classroom.

793
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:49,680
One of the coolest experiences I think and one of the things that helped me to become

794
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:55,880
the teacher I am is when I went back to finish teaching, first off, I would say I was teaching

795
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:59,920
with two teachers at Pleasant Grove High School, both of which had lost their fathers.

796
00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:03,800
So both of which had a unique and they lost their fathers in unexpected ways.

797
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,040
So they both had a unique ability to understand me.

798
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:09,360
So their approach to me changed.

799
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:13,160
And then I remember first day taking over the class and it was just a ghost town.

800
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:14,160
The kids didn't know what to say.

801
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:15,360
They didn't know how to react.

802
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:17,360
It was so in everybody's face.

803
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:18,760
Everybody knew.

804
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:19,760
And so, you know what?

805
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:21,360
I pulled up a picture of my dad.

806
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:26,920
I explained the whole situation in explicit detail and I learned in that moment my testimony

807
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:31,760
changed because now I know that sharing my story, I don't have faith in anyone.

808
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:36,120
I know that sharing my story changes lives and can help people because I experienced

809
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,440
it firsthand in front of strangers.

810
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:40,120
My dad is still amazing.

811
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:42,120
I've grown to know him now more than ever.

812
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:45,040
I see him in dreams constantly.

813
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:46,920
He's always there.

814
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:50,200
My brother has had really personal experiences with him.

815
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,400
He's still around.

816
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:52,720
He still helps us.

817
00:52:52,720 --> 00:52:59,080
I still get to feel him when I'm in situations that are hard.

818
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:03,840
I have an image of him come to my mind and he'll say, I'm here.

819
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:11,680
So it was a rough experience but it has straightened my testimony and the atonement and the plan

820
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:16,000
of salvation and of this gospel in ways that I just couldn't have had any other way.

821
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:21,040
It really almost to me seems like he was meant to do that so that I could be who I am because

822
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:25,240
without him going through what he went through, I would not be who I am today.

823
00:53:25,240 --> 00:53:33,280
That's humbling to think that God planned for somebody to die, not just my savior but

824
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:37,920
somebody else to die so that I could become who I am.

825
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:42,400
It's crazy to think about but he knows what he's doing.

826
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:47,760
So Nathan, thank you for sharing that.

827
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:54,480
God has taken your experiences and through the atonement of Jesus Christ and his redemption

828
00:53:54,480 --> 00:54:02,560
has consecrated those experiences for your gain and through you he has consecrated that

829
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:08,600
experience for others gain as he promised that he would in the scriptures.

830
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:13,560
But Nathan, that's not true for probably every member of your family.

831
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:15,240
I don't know.

832
00:54:15,240 --> 00:54:25,360
So why has he, why you, why have, why has this experience helped to sanctify you, consecrated

833
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:31,840
this experience for your gain and through you been able to bless others?

834
00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:32,840
What's the difference?

835
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:37,120
What, I mean, I don't think it just happened.

836
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:43,960
For something about you or something that you did to help the atonement of Jesus Christ

837
00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:50,680
be activated in your life for you to access it to bring about all of the goodness to make

838
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:54,400
beauty so to speak out of ashes.

839
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:59,880
How come and what's the difference?

840
00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:03,680
It's, you know, it goes back to that day when I was diving out to my parents' house to take

841
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:05,760
my life.

842
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:11,640
I decided to make a change that day and I decided to accept, even though I didn't necessarily

843
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:15,840
understand in that moment, I decided to accept my Savior.

844
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:22,680
And because I decided to accept him and his payment for me, for his bloodshed, for his

845
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:27,320
sacrifice, I made that choice.

846
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:31,600
And so when these other challenges come, I've already made that choice.

847
00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:33,600
And so the Savior is still there.

848
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:39,280
And it's not that he's not readily available for other people, but it's just, it's not

849
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:41,080
everybody's accepted him.

850
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:42,080
They need to accept him.

851
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:48,120
And as soon as you accept him in your life, that sorrow, that pain, it ends.

852
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:52,240
I had this realization the other day.

853
00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:58,120
I realized that you can take two people and you can give them the exact same experience.

854
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:02,560
And if one has the Savior and one doesn't, the paths are going to be very similar.

855
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:06,160
The one person that has a Savior is going to grow and learn from experience and the path

856
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:11,960
of the person that doesn't have the Savior is probably going to turn into alcohol and

857
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:15,320
sadness and frustration and anger.

858
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:20,440
The thing is, is the human body wants to find a way to cope.

859
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:26,720
But if we choose the world, we cope in a worldly way and we'll never find deliverance.

860
00:56:26,720 --> 00:56:34,320
Once you make the choice to accept his sacrifice for the thing that makes up the difference,

861
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:39,840
you know, that bridge between you and heaven, once you accept the Savior, it takes you somewhere

862
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:43,040
else and you can't go there by yourself.

863
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,160
You just can't, but you have to at some point accept them.

864
00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:49,560
I have family members that are still struggling from it.

865
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:52,600
And I'm not saying that they haven't, I guess, accepted the Savior to a greater or lesser

866
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:55,200
degree, but not in the same way.

867
00:56:55,200 --> 00:57:02,080
And I mean, there's a couple that I can think of that, you know, are really still struggling.

868
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:05,840
And I know that the answer really just is the Savior.

869
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:12,680
If you can find him, if you can allow him to help you, it goes away.

870
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:17,440
The feelings don't, like you learn to live with it, but like that hatred, the anger,

871
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:22,360
the pit in your stomach because this terrible thing happened, all of that human emotion,

872
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:23,360
that goes away.

873
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:27,600
And all of the stuff that the world would have you harp on, that part goes away.

874
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:31,600
And you learn to, maybe the difference is instead of having worldly sorrow, you have

875
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:32,600
godly sorrow.

876
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:35,600
It's just different.

877
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:38,040
And it also has you hope for a better tomorrow.

878
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:39,360
And it's not even necessarily hope.

879
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:44,160
It's like, I know things are going to be hard, but I know that as long as I keep trying,

880
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:50,120
God won't forsake me because he's already saved me so many times.

881
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:57,120
So, but once you've tested that, once you've allowed him to help you, you can see it.

882
00:57:57,120 --> 00:58:01,200
But until you have, it's really scary to take that step.

883
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:04,000
And that's why a lot of people, I honestly believe that's why a lot of people turn into

884
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:05,000
alcoholics, for example.

885
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:10,320
If I look at my experience, I used alcohol to cope because that's all I had to dull

886
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:13,000
the pain and to numb the feelings that I had.

887
00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:16,040
I coped myself, but it didn't work, did it?

888
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:19,600
But when I accepted the Savior, the alcohol wasn't a need anymore.

889
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:23,480
I didn't need to cope anymore because the coping mechanism was the Savior.

890
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:27,080
I replaced it with something that was more than I could understand.

891
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:34,720
Well, Marona, Marona, he describes that faith in Christ must include hope in Christ.

892
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:40,560
So the hope that you're really describing, Nathan, is not just wishing.

893
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:46,880
You know, it doesn't mean that your hope is centered in Christ, hope in Christ.

894
00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:49,760
And there's a power about that, right?

895
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:53,960
Oh, yeah, for sure.

896
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:58,320
Without it, we've had this conversation about hope before.

897
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:06,240
And then I remember coming to your class one day, it was probably shortly before you retired.

898
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:09,760
And I asked you about hope before class, and then you changed your lesson and talked about

899
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:14,120
hope that whole class period, that whole timeframe, just about the importance of hope and what

900
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:20,000
hope really is and what hope can do for you.

901
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:21,880
Hope is an amazing thing.

902
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:26,680
And yeah, it turns into faith and knowledge and all these other things, but hope keeps

903
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:27,680
you going.

904
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:28,680
Yeah.

905
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:31,960
It's kind of like knowing that that sun's going to come up tomorrow.

906
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:34,360
It's hope that it's there.

907
00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:38,680
I'll always have hope that he's there and faith that he's there and knowledge that he's there.

908
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:46,120
But hope is something really akin differently than faith and is, I think, so important.

909
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:49,280
And all centered in Jesus Christ.

910
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:58,480
And we really appreciate, Nathan, your sharing your story, but especially we're grateful

911
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:08,320
for your example of faith in Christ and his atonement, hope in Christ and his atonement,

912
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:16,280
and your example of being an individual who, knowing that they were a son of God, was willing

913
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:17,280
to receive.

914
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:23,640
I think it comes down to accepting it and receiving it, which is an action word.

915
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:30,120
It's not just a matter of choosing it, but you had to take some action, which you've

916
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:33,040
done, Nathan, throughout your life.

917
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:35,840
And I know that you're, we're all flawed.

918
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:36,840
None of us are perfect.

919
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:40,360
We're all sinners.

920
01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:48,800
None of us go through this life unscathed, but that all things can be healed through

921
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:51,680
Christ and his blood.

922
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:57,640
And you're an amazing example of that, Nathan, and we're really grateful.

923
01:00:57,640 --> 01:01:04,640
Maybe just in closing, you want to share any feeling of testimony or closing thoughts that

924
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,120
you have before we close, we'll give you the last word.

925
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:13,400
And Nate, as you're doing this, think about what advice you might give to parents who might

926
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:18,760
be struggling wondering, what could I do to help my son who might be going through something

927
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:19,920
like that?

928
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:25,480
If there's anything that loved ones or parents could do to influences, maybe you could include

929
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:26,480
that.

930
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:27,480
Yeah.

931
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:30,880
How can we point others to the Savior?

932
01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:36,920
Well, I'd love to share my testimony.

933
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:45,840
I guess before I do that, I'll say I had a thought the other day and I write, you know,

934
01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:48,040
that's part of the reason that I remember so many things.

935
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,520
I write lots of things.

936
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:55,520
And I was cleaning my, I was cleaning one day listening to a podcast and I had this

937
01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:57,280
thought come to my mind of a story.

938
01:01:57,280 --> 01:02:01,480
And so I wrote out this story and I won't share the whole thing, but if you're a parent

939
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:07,360
and you have somebody that's struggling, like I have my two older kids struggle with different

940
01:02:07,360 --> 01:02:10,360
things.

941
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:16,160
My oldest daughter is really struggling with identity right now, whether she's a boy or

942
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:19,200
a girl or what she wants out of her life.

943
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:20,200
She's struggling.

944
01:02:20,200 --> 01:02:22,560
And that's been hard for me to deal with too.

945
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:24,800
I just, I don't know how to handle it, right?

946
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:28,480
It's not an experience that I have to be able to draw on.

947
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:35,760
But one thing that this story helped me realize was, you know, if you think, you know, just

948
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:39,400
pretend like you're on a hiking trail and you're hiking and you stay on that path and

949
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:42,800
the path is clearly marked and you're on it with your family.

950
01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:46,520
And one of your family members divert and go a different path.

951
01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:50,720
There are a lot of things that can happen on the path and off the path, but off the path

952
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:51,720
it's scary.

953
01:02:51,720 --> 01:02:53,400
Like if you send a kid, you don't know where they're at.

954
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:54,480
You don't know if they found a cliff.

955
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:56,840
You don't know if they got attacked by a bear or you don't know.

956
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:59,200
Like it's, it's a different path.

957
01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:04,120
But one thing that you can take faith in is if you've taught your children to look for

958
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:09,880
the signs, to follow the path that's said before you, even if they leave it, eventually

959
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:13,000
they'll find their way back to it.

960
01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:15,120
And that doesn't mean don't care.

961
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:18,720
That doesn't mean throw your arms up the air and have a Jesus take the wheel moment.

962
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:20,000
That's not what it means.

963
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:27,360
It means just have faith in the fact that you've done more than you realize and the person

964
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:32,480
that your kid is going to become, it can't happen unless they left the path in the first

965
01:03:32,480 --> 01:03:33,480
place.

966
01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:36,480
Sometimes you've got to let it happen and you've got to stand back and let them know

967
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:37,480
that you love them.

968
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:40,600
Let them know that you're there.

969
01:03:40,600 --> 01:03:44,000
But really just make sure that they know that you're not angry at them for making a bad

970
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:45,000
choice.

971
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:48,960
Because if you, if you make them feel like you're angry, they're not going to come to

972
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:50,240
you anymore.

973
01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:53,520
They've got to know that you're still there.

974
01:03:53,520 --> 01:03:56,120
I think that's one of the most important things that you can do.

975
01:03:56,120 --> 01:04:00,000
I've seen it with students and I've seen it with my own kids.

976
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:02,320
If anything, my kids will at least still come around.

977
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:07,040
They may not be doing things that I agree with, but I have hope just like with me and

978
01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:13,920
just like with my wife that they may leave the path for a while, but in the wilderness

979
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:15,960
is where they find the Savior.

980
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:19,000
And in the wilderness, the Savior can guide them back to the path again.

981
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:23,280
And if you've done all you can to that point, there's not much else you can do other than

982
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:27,280
pray and hope and keep being diligent yourself.

983
01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:30,840
I know that that's true.

984
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:38,920
As far as my testimony goes, this, I mean, the church is amazing.

985
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:43,280
The church is amazing because people look for answers.

986
01:04:43,280 --> 01:04:48,240
They look for who am I and where do I come from and why does God do good things for bad

987
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:49,760
people and bad things for good people?

988
01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:52,280
I mean, these are all the typical questions.

989
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:54,080
The gospel answers all of them.

990
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:58,000
And if you stop to look for the answers, he will give them to you and it doesn't have

991
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:00,440
to be answers that everyone's getting.

992
01:05:00,440 --> 01:05:02,040
He'll answer you individually.

993
01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:06,360
He'll answer you collectively and he answers you in ways that only you can understand.

994
01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:10,120
He comes to you on your terms in so many different ways.

995
01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:12,400
He talks to you in your language.

996
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:14,400
He makes it so that you can understand.

997
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:15,840
He isn't difficult.

998
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:17,160
The gospel is not difficult.

999
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:20,680
It is so blatantly easy.

1000
01:05:20,680 --> 01:05:22,840
It's us that complicates it.

1001
01:05:22,840 --> 01:05:29,600
I know that if you follow the gospel, if you listen, I mean, really listen to the prophet,

1002
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:31,200
he's not going to lead you astray.

1003
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:32,200
He's not.

1004
01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:36,120
And most of the time when he just says, um, three of the scriptures, it just means reading

1005
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:37,120
the scriptures.

1006
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:38,440
Like it just, it's basic.

1007
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:40,920
Take it for the basic value that it is.

1008
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:42,240
Because it is, it's basic.

1009
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:45,680
God wants it to be simple and the gospel is simple.

1010
01:05:45,680 --> 01:05:49,560
Um, I know that if you follow it, it will make your life better.

1011
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:50,560
I know it.

1012
01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:57,400
Um, if you doubt, I mean, you know, that's a different story, but try not to doubt because

1013
01:05:57,400 --> 01:05:59,200
look, it helped me.

1014
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:00,200
It can help you.

1015
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,480
Um, and it's helped so many other people.

1016
01:06:03,480 --> 01:06:05,200
The Lord cares about you.

1017
01:06:05,200 --> 01:06:07,120
He knows who you are.

1018
01:06:07,120 --> 01:06:09,560
He knows who you are, which is crazy to think.

1019
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:12,520
He's built an entire universe with millions.

1020
01:06:12,520 --> 01:06:17,680
I don't even know how many different earths and sons and, but he knows me and he cares

1021
01:06:17,680 --> 01:06:18,680
about me.

1022
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:23,880
He cares about if I lose my AirPods, he cares about if I'm doing good or bad in the class.

1023
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:25,640
It's crazy to think, but he cares.

1024
01:06:25,640 --> 01:06:31,320
I mean, the scriptures, it says that a sparrow can fall and he will know.

1025
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:32,920
He knows and he cares.

1026
01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:37,480
And if you take the time to talk to him, to really talk, not just, Hey, bless the food

1027
01:06:37,480 --> 01:06:40,640
or bless my day, bless that I can be happy named Jesus Christ, amen, kind of stuff, like

1028
01:06:40,640 --> 01:06:41,640
actually talk.

1029
01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:45,760
Like think about, you know, you parents think about what you would love your kids to sit

1030
01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:46,880
on and talk to you about.

1031
01:06:46,880 --> 01:06:49,760
If you just sit and talk to him, he'll answer.

1032
01:06:49,760 --> 01:06:51,280
He wants to give you blessings.

1033
01:06:51,280 --> 01:06:56,400
If you ask this gospel is amazing and he is there.

1034
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:59,920
I love it and I don't know where I would be without it.

1035
01:06:59,920 --> 01:07:02,480
Um, I'm grateful for the temple.

1036
01:07:02,480 --> 01:07:03,480
I love the temple.

1037
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:08,640
The pine of salvation is so amazing to know that my dad is there helping me and my other

1038
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:11,720
family is there helping me is an amazing thing too.

1039
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:17,120
I have a really tender testimony of that and I know that at the end of my life, I'll be

1040
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:19,200
able to do the same thing for my family.

1041
01:07:19,200 --> 01:07:20,200
I know it.

1042
01:07:20,200 --> 01:07:21,960
There's life after this one.

1043
01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:24,600
We don't just close our eyes and never wake up again.

1044
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:29,840
There's so much more than we just don't understand.

1045
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:30,840
And you know what?

1046
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:31,920
Listen to your, your leaders.

1047
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:38,280
I love my church leaders, my the prophet and my state presidents and my bishop.

1048
01:07:38,280 --> 01:07:39,280
I love them.

1049
01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:41,080
They all just want to help you.

1050
01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:43,080
I've seen that in my life too.

1051
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:44,080
Amen.

1052
01:07:44,080 --> 01:07:47,200
And Nathan, one more thing.

1053
01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:52,480
Just touch for a moment on your relationship with Jesus Christ.

1054
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:59,240
You know, Jesus Christ is, he's in the boat with me.

1055
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:04,360
And as they say, he's, he's hooked next to me, pulling these same weights.

1056
01:08:04,360 --> 01:08:09,920
And really honestly, he's pulling my weights and my challenges without me.

1057
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:14,280
I know that he's there and I feel him there often.

1058
01:08:14,280 --> 01:08:19,800
It's more than, I mean, it really is like he's a big brother.

1059
01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:23,080
I'm the oldest in my family.

1060
01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:27,520
As far as siblings go, but I have an uncle who's like my brother.

1061
01:08:27,520 --> 01:08:31,920
And whenever I need help, I can call him and he'll talk to me.

1062
01:08:31,920 --> 01:08:34,320
He's only eight years older than I am.

1063
01:08:34,320 --> 01:08:39,960
And that brotherly relationship that I have between him and I is a lot what I feel with

1064
01:08:39,960 --> 01:08:40,960
the Savior.

1065
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:47,160
Whenever I am really struggling or have a question or am frustrated about something,

1066
01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:50,280
it's like, you know, I can say, I really need you to help me with this.

1067
01:08:50,280 --> 01:08:53,000
Like I don't understand how did you handle it?

1068
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:54,000
How did you do it?

1069
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:58,640
How did you have images and thoughts or ideas come into my mind or I'll have, you know,

1070
01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:01,960
a thought to write something and I'll write it down, but answers come.

1071
01:09:01,960 --> 01:09:04,880
He is readily available there for me.

1072
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:09,920
He ever since that day, I mean, really honestly, before that day, you know, I know that he

1073
01:09:09,920 --> 01:09:10,920
was there.

1074
01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:15,080
I just couldn't feel him.

1075
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:21,960
It's, I think you said this, Dave, best when your wife feels bad about something when she

1076
01:09:21,960 --> 01:09:26,840
seeks for, to be forgiven about something she just, or she feels bad about something she's

1077
01:09:26,840 --> 01:09:27,840
done.

1078
01:09:27,840 --> 01:09:31,800
Well, she looks up into heaven and says, thank you, right?

1079
01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:33,240
That's how I feel.

1080
01:09:33,240 --> 01:09:34,840
His atonement is for me.

1081
01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:35,840
It's for you.

1082
01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:36,840
It's for everybody.

1083
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:42,340
And whether or not you want to let him pay that price for you, it's already happened.

1084
01:09:42,340 --> 01:09:46,520
So you can accept it or you cannot, but if you accept it, at least you don't let it go

1085
01:09:46,520 --> 01:09:47,520
to waste.

1086
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:52,600
I know it's hard sometimes to let people help you, but he's already done it and he wants

1087
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:57,200
you to let him step in and he wants you to let him bridge the gap and he wants you to

1088
01:09:57,200 --> 01:10:00,600
let him make weak things strong.

1089
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:06,640
And I hope and pray every day that I make him proud because he's done everything for

1090
01:10:06,640 --> 01:10:09,320
me.

1091
01:10:09,320 --> 01:10:10,320
Thank you so much, Nathan.

1092
01:10:10,320 --> 01:10:16,080
It's your love and appreciate you, brother, our friendship, you and your sweetheart, Jess,

1093
01:10:16,080 --> 01:10:17,560
and your family.

1094
01:10:17,560 --> 01:10:22,480
Been so amazing to have you here with us, Nate, just so you know, on August 21st from

1095
01:10:22,480 --> 01:10:28,480
Tent Parley Davidson right here in Oram, Utah, I will be mounting my Harley Davidson with

1096
01:10:28,480 --> 01:10:35,000
thousands of other riders and we will ride in honor of Corey Ride and other fallen officers

1097
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:39,440
who have, who have given the ultimate sacrifice.

1098
01:10:39,440 --> 01:10:42,240
You've had a lot of tough stuff, brother.

1099
01:10:42,240 --> 01:10:49,400
You've been asked to face a lot of things in your young, moldable, shapeable life and

1100
01:10:49,400 --> 01:10:51,680
our Heavenly Father loves you.

1101
01:10:51,680 --> 01:10:52,800
And is using you.

1102
01:10:52,800 --> 01:10:53,800
What an instrument.

1103
01:10:53,800 --> 01:10:54,800
Oh my goodness.

1104
01:10:54,800 --> 01:10:55,840
What an instrument you are, Nathan.

1105
01:10:55,840 --> 01:11:03,960
I feel his great love overpowering all of us today for you as you've experienced your

1106
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:05,640
strength and hope.

1107
01:11:05,640 --> 01:11:07,360
What a blessing you are to students.

1108
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:08,360
Yeah, indeed.

1109
01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:09,360
And us, family.

1110
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:10,360
And to our listeners.

1111
01:11:10,360 --> 01:11:12,040
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1112
01:11:12,040 --> 01:11:16,640
And what an example of the embodiment of Ether 1227.

1113
01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:19,080
Thank you for that.

1114
01:11:19,080 --> 01:11:20,080
It's been a great podcast.

1115
01:11:20,080 --> 01:11:22,520
It's been good to be with you all today.

1116
01:11:22,520 --> 01:11:27,000
We look forward to our next opportunity to be together next week.

1117
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:28,520
Make sure that you tune in.

1118
01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:30,680
And until then, may God bless you.

1119
01:11:30,680 --> 01:11:36,480
May you fill his spirit continually to be with you and please do everything you can

1120
01:11:36,480 --> 01:11:41,680
to court the Spirit so that you may fill the Atonement of the Administration of the Atonement

1121
01:11:41,680 --> 01:11:43,720
of Jesus Christ to life and your life.

1122
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:44,720
Thanks everybody.

1123
01:11:44,720 --> 01:12:12,760
Have a great week.