WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.160 Everybody, welcome out to another episode of 00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:04.299 Redeemed Through His Blood. This is Scott Durfey, 00:00:04.500 --> 00:00:07.740 as always, and as always, joined by the lovely 00:00:07.740 --> 00:00:10.039 Debra Durfey. What's up, Deb? Hello, everyone. 00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:12.480 Hi, friends. That was like take three, so she's 00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:14.460 grateful that I didn't say all the funny things 00:00:14.460 --> 00:00:18.359 I said before. Yes, I am grateful. How are you? 00:00:18.539 --> 00:00:21.899 I'm great. It's good to be kind of back and back 00:00:21.899 --> 00:00:25.420 at it. We've had kind of a busy, nutty week behind 00:00:25.420 --> 00:00:29.609 us. Anyway, good to be talking about important 00:00:29.609 --> 00:00:34.409 things We have good friends with us again Nick 00:00:34.409 --> 00:00:38.130 and crystal. Hello, Nick. Hey guys. Hello crystal 00:00:38.130 --> 00:00:41.450 Hello, so good to have you both back. Guess what 00:00:41.450 --> 00:00:44.310 time it is It's that time of month when we get 00:00:44.310 --> 00:00:47.670 together and we talk about the corresponding 00:00:47.670 --> 00:00:50.929 Step from recovery from the big books of alcoholics 00:00:50.929 --> 00:00:52.909 anonymous to the month. So here we are in March 00:00:52.909 --> 00:00:55.210 third month We're gonna talk about the third 00:00:55.210 --> 00:00:59.320 step So for those of you who missed it, if you'll 00:00:59.320 --> 00:01:02.340 go back to our episode in February, you will 00:01:02.340 --> 00:01:06.599 find one on step two there as well, among a whole 00:01:06.599 --> 00:01:08.560 bunch of other things. I think last week we talked 00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:11.359 about gratitude week prior to that. I think we 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:14.299 talked about how sometimes we feel like we're 00:01:14.299 --> 00:01:17.239 late to the game and and a bunch of other things 00:01:17.239 --> 00:01:21.120 too. So, you know, our purpose here is to through 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:26.569 the lens or the actually the atonement of Jesus 00:01:26.569 --> 00:01:30.709 Christ to find hope and help and all the things 00:01:30.709 --> 00:01:32.549 that we're looking for and these things really 00:01:32.549 --> 00:01:35.969 line up quite well with recovery. Just to give 00:01:35.969 --> 00:01:38.370 you a little background here, Nick and I are 00:01:38.370 --> 00:01:40.810 both recovering alcoholics. We have the opportunity 00:01:40.810 --> 00:01:45.609 to kind of work together in AA. Nick's got several 00:01:45.609 --> 00:01:50.790 years of recovery and as do I and it's been kind 00:01:50.790 --> 00:01:53.450 of our pleasure to really just kind of spread 00:01:53.450 --> 00:01:56.030 the hope that's been so freely given to us and 00:01:56.030 --> 00:01:59.750 over the last couple of um well not over the 00:01:59.750 --> 00:02:01.269 last couple of weeks because we haven't done 00:02:01.269 --> 00:02:04.290 them here but the two steps prior to this one 00:02:04.290 --> 00:02:08.349 to prior to step three uh really go hand in hand 00:02:08.349 --> 00:02:11.289 and align quite well deb don't they with the 00:02:11.289 --> 00:02:13.789 things that we talk about in in our institute 00:02:13.789 --> 00:02:16.750 class and the divine gift of forgiveness uh and 00:02:16.750 --> 00:02:19.629 in obviously in the podcast any all of the other 00:02:19.629 --> 00:02:22.770 things that we talk about because It's really 00:02:22.770 --> 00:02:27.210 here that we begin to find, and you've talked 00:02:27.210 --> 00:02:32.969 about this so much, a way to establish and begin 00:02:32.969 --> 00:02:37.289 to have a, not probably, the most important relationship 00:02:37.289 --> 00:02:40.069 we can have, and that's a relationship with deity 00:02:40.069 --> 00:02:44.870 through, and covenant relationship, through repentance 00:02:44.870 --> 00:02:48.620 or through coming to Him. We as alcoholics and 00:02:48.620 --> 00:02:52.719 drug addicts and others in recovery see the 12 00:02:52.719 --> 00:02:55.400 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as kind of steps 00:02:55.400 --> 00:02:58.580 that help us come to Him. So, you know, we don't 00:02:58.580 --> 00:03:01.159 like to refer to repentance as having steps, 00:03:01.159 --> 00:03:03.919 but if there were steps, you know, to repentance, 00:03:04.699 --> 00:03:06.680 the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I think 00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:09.939 would do quite well. So having said that, you 00:03:09.939 --> 00:03:13.090 know, let's just kind of talk about You know 00:03:13.090 --> 00:03:17.569 what it is that it means for us to be engaged 00:03:17.569 --> 00:03:23.189 in and to be working The third step alcoholics 00:03:23.189 --> 00:03:26.030 anonymous Well, I think it's important for those 00:03:26.030 --> 00:03:29.509 that are not involved in the 12 steps to go over 00:03:29.509 --> 00:03:32.830 the first second and third Steps, what are the 00:03:32.830 --> 00:03:35.069 first? What is the second? What is it? And then 00:03:35.069 --> 00:03:39.210 now let's just talk about the third. Yeah so 00:03:39.210 --> 00:03:43.479 Nick's gonna tell us All right, so step one is 00:03:43.479 --> 00:03:46.759 admitting that we're powerless to whatever the 00:03:46.759 --> 00:03:49.560 addiction is, you know, alcohol, drugs, porn, 00:03:49.960 --> 00:03:53.080 food, whatever it is, you know, in one book, 00:03:53.080 --> 00:03:55.060 I've heard that it's power, we're powerless over 00:03:55.060 --> 00:03:58.840 our thinking, you know, and, and the second step 00:03:58.840 --> 00:04:01.800 is that we came to believe the power greater 00:04:01.800 --> 00:04:04.400 than ourselves could restore to sanity. And then 00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:08.439 the third step is the decision to turn our will 00:04:08.439 --> 00:04:11.889 and our lives over. the care of God as we understand 00:04:11.889 --> 00:04:15.490 him and uh you know as you were introducing this 00:04:15.490 --> 00:04:18.730 I kind of I always like to think of the the program 00:04:18.730 --> 00:04:20.889 of recovery in the 12 steps is the atonement 00:04:20.889 --> 00:04:23.610 for dummies yeah I say that all the time yeah 00:04:23.610 --> 00:04:28.889 yeah I agree that's that's really where I understood 00:04:28.889 --> 00:04:30.930 the atonement of Jesus Christ is in the 12 step 00:04:30.930 --> 00:04:33.970 in the rooms of recovery well why do you think 00:04:33.970 --> 00:04:37.930 that is dub I think the first thing, and just 00:04:37.930 --> 00:04:40.490 because of where I am today, I think the number 00:04:40.490 --> 00:04:43.930 one reason is because people get honest, like 00:04:43.930 --> 00:04:47.610 brutally, raw, open, honest. I think that is 00:04:47.610 --> 00:04:51.230 so critical in order to work through a repentance 00:04:51.230 --> 00:04:56.230 process. And when you get open and honest with 00:04:56.230 --> 00:04:58.550 people, you can get open and honest with God. 00:04:58.750 --> 00:05:01.170 And I think we think we can trick people around 00:05:01.170 --> 00:05:05.620 us that they don't really know. even as someone 00:05:05.620 --> 00:05:08.899 that lived with an alcoholic and they have a 00:05:08.899 --> 00:05:12.300 group called Al -Anon, like we have this thinking, 00:05:12.500 --> 00:05:14.899 we're powerless over our thinking, thinking that 00:05:14.899 --> 00:05:19.100 we can protect and tell people, you know, hey, 00:05:19.259 --> 00:05:22.279 everything's fine. We're great. there's no problem 00:05:22.279 --> 00:05:24.740 in our home, everybody has the same, I mean, 00:05:24.740 --> 00:05:26.800 it's that kind of stuff. And it wasn't until 00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:29.459 I went into those rooms, I mean, I had my own 00:05:29.459 --> 00:05:32.480 bout of addiction, but it wasn't until I went 00:05:32.480 --> 00:05:34.860 into those rooms to hear somebody else tell my 00:05:34.860 --> 00:05:38.300 story that I literally felt free. It's like, 00:05:38.300 --> 00:05:40.319 I am not the only one going through this garbage. 00:05:41.100 --> 00:05:46.060 And I think that's where, well, I'm not gonna 00:05:46.060 --> 00:05:49.139 point a finger, but I think that's where the 00:05:49.139 --> 00:05:52.540 spirit really can, can come out and be strong 00:05:52.540 --> 00:05:56.819 is in honesty and I think in as a member of the 00:05:56.819 --> 00:06:01.199 church I remember now this was back in the day 00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:04.079 when I was married to my first husband and and 00:06:04.079 --> 00:06:06.819 he was the drug dealer in the neighborhood and 00:06:06.819 --> 00:06:09.680 do you I did not feel comfortable going into 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:13.000 relief society and say does anybody know anything 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:16.439 about this and when he came home and said I'm 00:06:16.439 --> 00:06:19.579 addicted to cocaine literally the ignorance in 00:06:19.579 --> 00:06:22.339 me was yellow pages if any of you know what that 00:06:22.339 --> 00:06:24.560 still is but I opened the yellow pages and looked 00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:28.040 up cocaine I mean there was just such a ignorance 00:06:28.040 --> 00:06:30.779 about the whole understanding of what that was 00:06:30.779 --> 00:06:33.660 so to be able to go into a room and know that 00:06:33.660 --> 00:06:36.800 I was not alone that somebody else had a similar 00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:39.480 issue or problem and not that I need to hear 00:06:39.480 --> 00:06:42.620 people's problems but the fact that it was like 00:06:42.620 --> 00:06:46.389 I felt safe I, for the first time, felt safe 00:06:46.389 --> 00:06:49.569 to puke my truth. And, you know, I think, Nick 00:06:49.569 --> 00:06:51.889 and Crystal, you'll agree with this, too, that 00:06:51.889 --> 00:06:54.949 sometimes that biggest truth is, is when I get 00:06:54.949 --> 00:06:59.050 here, the fear and the crippling feelings that 00:06:59.050 --> 00:07:01.670 I have come because I'm absolutely powerless. 00:07:03.009 --> 00:07:06.529 Right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. No, I 00:07:06.529 --> 00:07:09.889 am. As you were talking, Deb, I was thinking 00:07:09.889 --> 00:07:14.769 about, you know, One of the things that I loved, 00:07:15.089 --> 00:07:17.029 like absolutely loved and connected with when 00:07:17.029 --> 00:07:19.829 I first came in was the big book because I came 00:07:19.829 --> 00:07:23.230 in during COVID, you know, so there weren't like 00:07:23.230 --> 00:07:25.069 a lot of meetings. They weren't bringing meetings 00:07:25.069 --> 00:07:29.149 into treatment centers and stuff. And so I picked 00:07:29.149 --> 00:07:32.629 up the big book, not knowing what it was, just 00:07:32.629 --> 00:07:35.069 trying to go to sleep, you know, because that 00:07:35.069 --> 00:07:36.889 was the only relief I could get. You know, I 00:07:36.889 --> 00:07:40.870 was in such a emotional state of hell, you know, 00:07:40.870 --> 00:07:44.480 and So when I read the big book, the language 00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:46.980 in there just spoke to me, you know, the honesty 00:07:46.980 --> 00:07:49.000 in the story in the very beginning, Bill's story 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:51.560 in the very beginning, I was like, whoever wrote 00:07:51.560 --> 00:07:54.420 this, like knows exactly how I feel right now. 00:07:54.439 --> 00:07:57.500 But then as I read through, I was like, okay, 00:07:57.600 --> 00:08:01.279 this sounds a lot like what I heard in church 00:08:01.279 --> 00:08:03.459 scriptures that I've read all these things, you 00:08:03.459 --> 00:08:06.199 know, and, and I lived and grew up in the church 00:08:06.199 --> 00:08:11.360 and like, I couldn't hear what was ever being 00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:14.519 said. Like I just, I could not hear the message, 00:08:14.519 --> 00:08:17.660 you know, and, and for the first time when I 00:08:17.660 --> 00:08:20.720 read through the book, I, I heard for the first 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:23.149 time, you know, and And then I was like, you 00:08:23.149 --> 00:08:25.189 know what? The alcoholics got it right and the 00:08:25.189 --> 00:08:27.389 church got it wrong. That was my initial thought 00:08:27.389 --> 00:08:30.110 when I read the big book, you know, but you understood 00:08:30.110 --> 00:08:32.610 it differently. Yes, because I finally was hearing 00:08:32.610 --> 00:08:35.029 it. But then, you know, as I've been going through 00:08:35.029 --> 00:08:38.129 this, like it just aligns so perfectly, you know, 00:08:38.129 --> 00:08:40.210 because the principles in the big book were taken 00:08:40.210 --> 00:08:42.769 from Sermon on the Mount, you know, in the New 00:08:42.769 --> 00:08:48.669 Testament. And so, yeah, coming in there, knowing 00:08:48.669 --> 00:08:52.899 that I was completely screwed. really helped 00:08:52.899 --> 00:08:56.399 me to become willing to hear something different. 00:08:57.039 --> 00:08:58.759 The cool thing, though, I think, too, is like 00:08:58.759 --> 00:09:01.399 you talk about the honesty and I like that when 00:09:01.399 --> 00:09:03.919 I walked into the rooms for the first time, the 00:09:03.919 --> 00:09:05.820 feeling that I got was same thing like this is 00:09:05.820 --> 00:09:08.600 the atonement in action because there is the 00:09:08.600 --> 00:09:11.139 honesty, but there's also the safety attached 00:09:11.139 --> 00:09:14.039 to it right where nobody's really judging you 00:09:14.039 --> 00:09:16.720 for it. They see their story in you and vice 00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:20.539 versa. But there's a there's like a series of 00:09:20.539 --> 00:09:25.159 steps to take to work it through, to become the 00:09:25.159 --> 00:09:26.940 person that you want to become, right? And if 00:09:26.940 --> 00:09:29.539 we attach judgment and shame to that, that can 00:09:29.539 --> 00:09:32.080 keep us stuck a lot of the time. For sure. And 00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:34.360 then you see other people there that have a little 00:09:34.360 --> 00:09:36.820 bit more time than you do and you're like, that's 00:09:36.820 --> 00:09:39.960 what I want. I mean, I think that's the key that 00:09:39.960 --> 00:09:43.509 was really important for me to see is... how 00:09:43.509 --> 00:09:46.090 do you have so much peace in the chaos? Do you 00:09:46.090 --> 00:09:48.450 know what I mean? So it was, I think it's important 00:09:48.450 --> 00:09:52.389 to also share that experience, strength and hope, 00:09:52.649 --> 00:09:57.990 AKA testify. But I mean, of what you, where you've 00:09:57.990 --> 00:10:00.669 been and how it is now. Cause that gives us hope. 00:10:01.210 --> 00:10:04.480 I agree with all of that. You know, for me, The 00:10:04.480 --> 00:10:07.220 most important part of coming into this before 00:10:07.220 --> 00:10:09.860 I could even begin to turn my will in my life 00:10:09.860 --> 00:10:13.159 over to the care of somebody that I thought that 00:10:13.159 --> 00:10:16.360 I understood but I really didn't I mean I had 00:10:16.360 --> 00:10:20.799 to know for sure that I couldn't that I'm powerless 00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:25.379 That I'm fallen, you know, we talked about that 00:10:25.379 --> 00:10:29.059 in in in the podcast and we talked about it at 00:10:29.059 --> 00:10:34.379 Institute, you know the When we talk about the 00:10:34.379 --> 00:10:36.759 pillars of eternity, the first pillar of eternity 00:10:36.759 --> 00:10:39.200 is creation. The second pillar of eternity is 00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:42.539 the fall of Adam and Eve. And that's it. I mean, 00:10:42.539 --> 00:10:45.580 that's the fall of Adam and Eve. That's me walking 00:10:45.580 --> 00:10:50.059 into the rooms of recovery or walking into my 00:10:50.059 --> 00:10:53.600 own recovery process, whatever that may look 00:10:53.600 --> 00:10:57.960 like, but that's the fall. And then step two 00:10:57.960 --> 00:11:01.340 that we talked about last month. That's the atonement 00:11:01.340 --> 00:11:04.600 of Jesus Christ. That's him. You know, so I can't 00:11:04.600 --> 00:11:07.120 I'm totally powerless. And now I come to step 00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:09.580 two and I come to know and have a relationship 00:11:09.580 --> 00:11:13.000 with this power greater than me, who now I see 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:15.879 him different than I used to see him. You know, 00:11:15.879 --> 00:11:18.919 and all those other things. And now here I come. 00:11:19.299 --> 00:11:22.399 I'm at step three and I have to make a decision 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:25.399 to turn my will and my life over to the care 00:11:25.399 --> 00:11:29.320 of this God. But there's we run into some problems 00:11:29.320 --> 00:11:35.110 there. Nick, we run into some problems with this 00:11:35.110 --> 00:11:38.210 God, you know, the way I see this God and that 00:11:38.210 --> 00:11:40.809 has to be changed. That has to be fixed before 00:11:40.809 --> 00:11:47.389 we can even begin this process. Yeah. The beauty 00:11:47.389 --> 00:11:51.269 of the 12 steps, I think is that it is a process 00:11:51.269 --> 00:11:54.850 of unknowing instead of learning more, you know, 00:11:54.850 --> 00:11:57.940 and came to believe in a power greater than ourselves. 00:11:57.940 --> 00:12:00.279 I like how that's past tense because when I look 00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:03.700 at the action that I was willing to take, it, 00:12:03.700 --> 00:12:06.419 you know, strengthened and it came over time, 00:12:06.419 --> 00:12:08.860 you know, and then the third step is more of 00:12:08.860 --> 00:12:13.000 like a surrender, you know, finally saying, okay, 00:12:13.399 --> 00:12:16.600 I don't really know what's out there, but I'm 00:12:16.600 --> 00:12:20.460 going to be willing to take some actions that 00:12:20.460 --> 00:12:23.139 I didn't come up with that these other people 00:12:23.139 --> 00:12:26.870 in the rooms are suggesting that I do and for 00:12:26.870 --> 00:12:28.769 you know in my case I was like you know what 00:12:28.769 --> 00:12:31.070 I'm so screwed I got nothing to lose. Well and 00:12:31.070 --> 00:12:33.639 my best thinking got me in this chair. That's 00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:36.379 why I'm in these rooms, I'm broken. And that's 00:12:36.379 --> 00:12:39.559 the piece that I've always said when I'm in a 00:12:39.559 --> 00:12:42.279 room of recovery, nobody came in here skipping. 00:12:43.139 --> 00:12:46.399 It's not a joyful place to enter. We all have 00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:49.500 that brokenness, that fall. The fallenness, and 00:12:49.500 --> 00:12:52.440 again, this is where we begin to recognize our 00:12:52.440 --> 00:12:55.740 own fallenness. And until we do that, we can't 00:12:55.740 --> 00:12:59.539 even begin to get on the... the path to happy 00:12:59.539 --> 00:13:03.259 destiny, right? We just can't even begin to trudge 00:13:03.259 --> 00:13:05.980 the path to happy destiny until we recognize 00:13:05.980 --> 00:13:09.200 our own fallenness. Because without our own fallenness, 00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:11.519 without our own brokenness, you can call it whatever 00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:15.059 you want. But without that, we don't have a need 00:13:15.059 --> 00:13:18.799 for this power greater than ourselves. Because 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:21.799 if I'm all I need, then I'm all I need, right? 00:13:22.679 --> 00:13:28.379 So I mean, This really becomes then the turning 00:13:28.379 --> 00:13:31.840 point. Step three really becomes the turning 00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:38.720 point to the process of us in a religious term, 00:13:38.919 --> 00:13:41.080 we can say in the process of putting on Christ's 00:13:41.080 --> 00:13:45.000 atonement. In recovery, term, we can say this 00:13:45.000 --> 00:13:48.120 is where the process begins of me putting on 00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:50.639 recovery, of me actually putting the steps to 00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:53.820 work in my life so that I can have this spiritual 00:13:53.820 --> 00:13:56.299 awakening, so that I can have the result of the 00:13:56.299 --> 00:13:59.639 steps, which is a spiritual awakening in my life 00:13:59.639 --> 00:14:02.500 and have all these things at work. So how do 00:14:02.500 --> 00:14:06.159 we do it? This part, I will be honest, I struggle 00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:09.080 so much with this. I bring this up every single 00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:11.840 time. I struggle trusting God sometimes. Okay, 00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:16.379 I am so glad that Crystal is saying this. The 00:14:16.379 --> 00:14:19.360 most faithful one. Because we needed one of us 00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:22.600 to have that. No, I'm just kidding. Because Crystal, 00:14:22.759 --> 00:14:25.620 I think you're saying probably at least we have 00:14:25.620 --> 00:14:28.460 all at one point thought and sometimes still 00:14:28.460 --> 00:14:30.899 maybe do. I'm speaking for myself because that's 00:14:30.899 --> 00:14:33.159 definitely the case for me. Yeah, it's easier 00:14:33.159 --> 00:14:35.139 to follow God when things are going well and 00:14:35.139 --> 00:14:37.440 I'm like, okay, great. I'll trust this plan. 00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:39.899 I'll open myself up to God. Then when things 00:14:39.899 --> 00:14:42.480 are more challenging for me and I'm like, I don't 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:44.360 understand. It's hard for me to open up. What 00:14:44.360 --> 00:14:47.419 I notice about myself is I'm like, well, I'll 00:14:47.419 --> 00:14:50.860 work harder. I'll learn more. I'll do more. I'll 00:14:50.860 --> 00:14:54.080 be more. The hat of perfection. Totally. And 00:14:54.080 --> 00:14:57.240 then all of a sudden I'm drowning in this. you 00:14:57.240 --> 00:15:00.360 know, weight of trying to do it all on my own. 00:15:00.899 --> 00:15:03.360 And then I get to the point, you know, the scriptures 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:06.740 talk about being compelled versus just doing 00:15:06.740 --> 00:15:08.559 the action on your own. I feel like sometimes 00:15:08.559 --> 00:15:11.039 I'm compelled where it's like, I can't do it 00:15:11.039 --> 00:15:14.559 anymore. And the cool thing about the fall is, 00:15:14.720 --> 00:15:16.259 like, when I think about the fall, there was 00:15:16.259 --> 00:15:18.100 this moment where they had a decision to make. 00:15:18.120 --> 00:15:22.080 Do I stay in this perfect little space and not 00:15:22.080 --> 00:15:24.960 have to worry? Or do I step into the unknown? 00:15:25.819 --> 00:15:27.679 And there's going to be some pain there, but 00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:29.279 there's also going to be growth. There's going 00:15:29.279 --> 00:15:31.179 to be everything I want on the other side of 00:15:31.179 --> 00:15:33.539 that. And so then you start to open yourself 00:15:33.539 --> 00:15:38.460 up to God and you start to just say, I need help. 00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:40.840 I don't know how to do this. And that's where 00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:42.559 faith really starts to come in because you're 00:15:42.559 --> 00:15:45.080 stepping into the unknown, trusting that there's 00:15:45.080 --> 00:15:47.039 going to be a floor there underneath you and 00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:50.000 not really knowing. But it's a very scary step 00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:53.299 to take. I see Nick do this all the time and 00:15:53.299 --> 00:15:56.559 I'm I'm always like, how do you? do that, which 00:15:56.559 --> 00:15:59.220 he gives me the confidence to then do it in my 00:15:59.220 --> 00:16:04.580 own life, you know? Well, I look at the different 00:16:04.580 --> 00:16:08.720 step three experiences that I've had. And what 00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:13.440 comes to mind is, so when I first got sober back 00:16:13.440 --> 00:16:17.320 in 2020, I got out of residential treatment. 00:16:18.379 --> 00:16:22.799 I had a lot of legal issues and I had, I think 00:16:22.799 --> 00:16:26.470 I had like 17 charges. And some of them carried 00:16:26.470 --> 00:16:32.289 up to like 15 years in prison. And, uh, yeah. 00:16:32.809 --> 00:16:38.450 Well, um, and so I remember just while I was 00:16:38.450 --> 00:16:39.870 in there, you know, I found the big book, like 00:16:39.870 --> 00:16:42.289 I talked about, and I really dove into the steps, 00:16:42.309 --> 00:16:43.929 you know, there was a therapist in there who 00:16:43.929 --> 00:16:46.450 was in recovery and she got me right into the 00:16:46.450 --> 00:16:50.309 work. And so I remember like thinking like, okay, 00:16:50.789 --> 00:16:53.919 should I go out? Should I? You know hire an attorney 00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:56.799 should I go fight this and I kept getting this 00:16:56.799 --> 00:16:59.559 overwhelming feeling of like no focus in on your 00:16:59.559 --> 00:17:03.080 recovery and Let me take like let me let me show 00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:05.240 you what I can do You know when I was working 00:17:05.240 --> 00:17:07.440 on step three at the time to hear God pretty 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:12.160 early. I did no I I learned yeah. Yeah, I learned 00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:15.200 how to I don't know I I felt like ever since 00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:18.359 I got sober. There's been something really strong 00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:22.180 and loud guiding me So I remember I just dove 00:17:22.180 --> 00:17:25.559 into this step three packet and into meetings 00:17:25.559 --> 00:17:30.539 and into recovery and was just like, okay, I'm 00:17:30.539 --> 00:17:33.700 just going to surrender this. And I remember 00:17:33.700 --> 00:17:38.079 the day that I had to go to court came up and 00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:42.720 I was like, holy crap. Like I am in so much trouble. 00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:46.259 I've just naively convinced myself that God's 00:17:46.259 --> 00:17:49.509 going to take care of this. And you know, I'm 00:17:49.509 --> 00:17:51.589 focusing on these things that have nothing to 00:17:51.589 --> 00:17:54.890 do with what I perceived is the problem So I 00:17:54.890 --> 00:17:58.089 go to court I'm freaking out and I'm like, I'm 00:17:58.089 --> 00:17:59.930 I'm screwed like I don't know if they're gonna 00:17:59.930 --> 00:18:01.710 haul me off I don't know what they're gonna do 00:18:01.710 --> 00:18:07.009 and Like 30 minutes before it's my time the the 00:18:07.009 --> 00:18:10.809 prosecuting attorney comes over Offers me a deal 00:18:10.809 --> 00:18:13.789 for like two misdemeanors. No fines. No probation. 00:18:13.930 --> 00:18:16.329 No, like it literally like disappeared the whole 00:18:16.329 --> 00:18:19.470 thing just disappeared and I was like, Oh my 00:18:19.470 --> 00:18:22.089 gosh, this God stuff like actually works. Holy 00:18:22.089 --> 00:18:25.750 cow. I'm going to, you know, and, and, uh, that's 00:18:25.750 --> 00:18:30.829 a big one. It was, but it really, um, helped 00:18:30.829 --> 00:18:34.970 my foundation at the time because it really, 00:18:34.970 --> 00:18:38.190 it taught me a really important principle of 00:18:38.519 --> 00:18:40.700 okay I'm going to get up you know because I was 00:18:40.700 --> 00:18:43.759 getting up and I was in the sober living and 00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:45.900 you know there's like 16 people living in this 00:18:45.900 --> 00:18:49.279 house and I would wake up before everybody else 00:18:49.279 --> 00:18:52.480 at like 5 30 in the morning and I would read 00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:54.920 from the big book in the 12 and 12 and then I 00:18:54.920 --> 00:18:58.700 would start working on my step work because I 00:18:58.700 --> 00:19:01.380 was like I like this is all I can do to try to 00:19:01.380 --> 00:19:04.019 make my life better right now you know and so 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:06.720 I kind of think of it like the loaves and fishes. 00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:10.460 I'm taking to God what I can do and I'm just 00:19:10.460 --> 00:19:13.380 going, this other huge disaster that's out here, 00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:17.339 you take care of that and I'm going to do what 00:19:17.339 --> 00:19:21.200 I can over here. And I'm just going to have faith 00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:25.279 and trust. And it's a pattern that I've learned 00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:29.660 to implement because... Scott walked with me 00:19:29.660 --> 00:19:32.180 through this whole thing of, you know, trying 00:19:32.180 --> 00:19:34.700 to put the family back together. You know, what 00:19:34.700 --> 00:19:37.680 we would always talk about is like, okay, don't 00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:39.819 get hung up on an outcome, you know, because 00:19:39.819 --> 00:19:43.259 I would just always tell him like, hey, I don't 00:19:43.259 --> 00:19:46.160 think this is actually going to work. But like, 00:19:46.220 --> 00:19:48.400 I'm going to take these actions that I feel guided 00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:52.339 to do. And whatever happens happens. We're not 00:19:52.339 --> 00:19:56.069 in the outcome business, are we? But But that's 00:19:56.069 --> 00:19:58.490 a problem for most of us because because we try 00:19:58.490 --> 00:20:01.490 to be you know I tried to be in the outcome business 00:20:01.490 --> 00:20:03.789 You know Deb Deb made a comment just a minute 00:20:03.789 --> 00:20:07.710 ago About Nick Nick you found God early and you 00:20:07.710 --> 00:20:11.329 learned to trust him early I did and that's a 00:20:11.329 --> 00:20:14.630 gift. That's a gift. I had a similar experience 00:20:14.630 --> 00:20:19.309 mine happened on the Mexican border in San Ysidro 00:20:19.309 --> 00:20:24.390 California And I was arrested and I was facing 00:20:24.390 --> 00:20:26.910 some I'm not going to get into it all, but I 00:20:26.910 --> 00:20:33.529 was facing some pretty ugly stuff. The guy who 00:20:33.529 --> 00:20:36.049 had arrested me was going back and forth. They 00:20:36.049 --> 00:20:37.910 were playing good cop, bad cop, you know how 00:20:37.910 --> 00:20:40.089 they do that. While he was gone, I made a deal 00:20:40.089 --> 00:20:42.829 with God. I'm like, you get me out of this and 00:20:42.829 --> 00:20:44.950 I'll go back to church and I'll quit doing this 00:20:44.950 --> 00:20:47.829 and I'll start doing that and everything else. 00:20:48.089 --> 00:20:51.549 And I started checking boxes with God. Pretty 00:20:51.549 --> 00:20:53.950 soon this guy, his name was Vince, he became 00:20:53.950 --> 00:20:56.289 a pretty important guy to me later, but he came 00:20:56.289 --> 00:20:58.930 in and he said, okay, here's what we're going 00:20:58.930 --> 00:21:01.450 to do and laid it out and I was able to watch. 00:21:01.319 --> 00:21:03.940 I wasn't going to end up doing any prison time 00:21:03.940 --> 00:21:06.339 if I was able to, you know, achieve all the things 00:21:06.339 --> 00:21:10.240 that I had agreed to achieve as well. But I remember 00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:12.519 distinctly, here's where your experience and 00:21:12.519 --> 00:21:15.380 my experience differs. I remember distinctly 00:21:15.380 --> 00:21:17.579 walking away from that holding cell after being 00:21:17.579 --> 00:21:19.779 there for several hours, walking back to the 00:21:19.779 --> 00:21:22.779 car that I had driven up in and thinking to myself, 00:21:22.839 --> 00:21:27.440 I'm sure glad I got myself out of that one. Yeah, 00:21:28.380 --> 00:21:32.490 I... You know, I think back on my experience 00:21:32.490 --> 00:21:37.650 and I really have to credit my dad, you know 00:21:37.650 --> 00:21:42.190 with The thing that like really has changed my 00:21:42.190 --> 00:21:47.150 life because he Modeled for me growing up the 00:21:47.150 --> 00:21:49.309 importance of dailies. He did it. Yeah, he got 00:21:49.309 --> 00:21:53.210 up early every day and Spent talked about that. 00:21:53.369 --> 00:21:58.109 Yeah, and so I had always seen that and I'd always 00:21:59.410 --> 00:22:02.049 pretended like I would you know wanted to do 00:22:02.049 --> 00:22:05.049 that or whatever and and you know never really 00:22:05.049 --> 00:22:09.250 had any desire to do that, but When I found the 00:22:09.250 --> 00:22:11.470 big book and for how miserable I was and that 00:22:11.470 --> 00:22:13.009 was the only piece that it brought me it was 00:22:13.009 --> 00:22:16.990 like okay Like I can do this, you know, and so 00:22:16.990 --> 00:22:19.130 I think that there's something about putting 00:22:19.130 --> 00:22:25.450 in some consistent effort to connect and Like 00:22:25.450 --> 00:22:32.339 I don't know where that kind of intuitive sense 00:22:32.339 --> 00:22:35.539 came from in me, but it's something that I feel 00:22:35.539 --> 00:22:39.259 strongly, and I had a lot of really powerful 00:22:39.259 --> 00:22:44.680 experiences early on. helped me there. I think 00:22:44.680 --> 00:22:46.480 that's important and Devin Crystal I want to 00:22:46.480 --> 00:22:49.359 hear you weigh in on this you know because our 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:54.720 relationship with God is so dependent on who 00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:58.220 on our experiences with him you know and if in 00:22:58.220 --> 00:23:01.339 in step three we're going to eventually turn 00:23:01.339 --> 00:23:03.619 our will we're just making a decision to do it 00:23:03.619 --> 00:23:06.200 you know I heard in a meeting you missed the 00:23:06.200 --> 00:23:08.420 meeting the other day you were at a oh don't 00:23:08.420 --> 00:23:11.180 be calling you were at a funeral I was yeah, 00:23:11.180 --> 00:23:14.599 he was at a funeral our friend His father passed 00:23:14.599 --> 00:23:17.180 away and because Nick silver today gets to show 00:23:17.180 --> 00:23:19.160 up for important things like that It's it was 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:21.559 really cool. But one of the things it's they 00:23:21.559 --> 00:23:24.259 talked about somebody talked about in the meeting 00:23:24.259 --> 00:23:26.380 our friend Mike You know, we're talking about 00:23:26.380 --> 00:23:30.779 the steps and how the answer to step one is step 00:23:30.779 --> 00:23:33.980 two The answer to step two is step three. The 00:23:33.980 --> 00:23:36.740 answer to step three is step four Actually, the 00:23:36.740 --> 00:23:39.660 answer to step three is steps four through twelve 00:23:40.829 --> 00:23:43.210 Because, you know, this is when we make a decision 00:23:43.210 --> 00:23:45.089 to turn our will and our life over to the care 00:23:45.089 --> 00:23:48.369 of God, we're just making the decision. The action 00:23:48.369 --> 00:23:53.309 part of that process now becomes step four, take 00:23:53.309 --> 00:23:56.390 a personal inventory, step five, share it, and 00:23:56.390 --> 00:24:00.190 on and on it goes. And that's how we enter into 00:24:00.190 --> 00:24:03.269 this relationship with higher power, with God, 00:24:03.410 --> 00:24:06.869 through Jesus, so that we can have the blessings 00:24:06.869 --> 00:24:09.430 that we're talking about available to us in our 00:24:09.430 --> 00:24:13.890 lives. So, having said that, how is it different? 00:24:14.309 --> 00:24:17.150 I mean, how do we come differently? You know, 00:24:17.150 --> 00:24:21.210 when I first came to AA, I had this concept of 00:24:21.210 --> 00:24:25.309 God. Now, I had been raised in a wonderful family, 00:24:25.509 --> 00:24:27.630 and we did family night, and we did scripture 00:24:27.630 --> 00:24:30.289 study, and I went on a mission, and all of these 00:24:30.289 --> 00:24:33.809 other things, but my perception of God was one 00:24:33.809 --> 00:24:37.569 of that God was kind of like a cop. Like he was 00:24:37.569 --> 00:24:39.710 always just trying to find me doing something 00:24:39.710 --> 00:24:43.849 wrong to indict me so that I could for some weird 00:24:43.849 --> 00:24:46.990 reason pay a punishment. And that's how I saw 00:24:46.990 --> 00:24:50.710 God. And so when I came to AA, this concept of 00:24:50.710 --> 00:24:55.009 a God who loves me, who understands me, who whatever, 00:24:55.549 --> 00:24:57.950 all of that in my mind was conditional. It was 00:24:57.950 --> 00:25:01.849 conditional on how I was behaving. And so this 00:25:01.849 --> 00:25:05.430 was a really difficult one for me to be able 00:25:05.430 --> 00:25:09.329 to have enough faith in or know him well enough 00:25:09.329 --> 00:25:12.750 that I would be able to turn my will and my life 00:25:12.750 --> 00:25:16.069 over to him. I don't know, what were you guys' 00:25:16.309 --> 00:25:20.470 experience? Well, when I'm hearing you guys talk 00:25:20.470 --> 00:25:22.730 about your experience, when Nick was talking, 00:25:23.450 --> 00:25:26.029 I was thinking, yeah, but even if you did go 00:25:26.029 --> 00:25:28.750 to jail, let's say you did go to jail or prison, 00:25:28.990 --> 00:25:31.529 right? True, yeah. You would have still continued 00:25:31.529 --> 00:25:35.720 to trust God. I think, right? Like the outcomes 00:25:35.720 --> 00:25:38.599 are not always the ones that we want. Just because 00:25:38.599 --> 00:25:42.400 we're doing the steps doesn't necessarily mean 00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:45.420 that, you know, we don't go to prison or we don't 00:25:45.420 --> 00:25:47.140 go to jail or everything, the families come back 00:25:47.140 --> 00:25:49.660 together and all of that, right? I think the 00:25:49.660 --> 00:25:52.500 cool thing that I've, and maybe I don't understand 00:25:52.500 --> 00:25:54.279 it right, but the thing that I've learned is 00:25:54.279 --> 00:25:57.039 you control the inputs, you don't control the 00:25:57.039 --> 00:26:00.279 outcomes, but if you do the inputs, you change. 00:26:00.750 --> 00:26:03.509 you become the person that God wants you to be. 00:26:03.630 --> 00:26:08.029 You become the person that is capable of holding 00:26:08.029 --> 00:26:10.190 and having the beautiful life that you want. 00:26:10.329 --> 00:26:14.170 I think for me, it was like Crystal shared earlier, 00:26:14.710 --> 00:26:17.250 in the challenging times, it's like white knuckle 00:26:17.250 --> 00:26:20.049 time. It's like crying out. It's like, God, I 00:26:20.049 --> 00:26:23.710 need you. I am powerless in this situation. I 00:26:23.710 --> 00:26:27.230 have no idea what to do. And I think step one, 00:26:27.230 --> 00:26:30.960 two, and three, I call it the dance, the one, 00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:32.200 two, three, one, two, three, because I think 00:26:32.200 --> 00:26:35.619 we have to do it every day. I really think for 00:26:35.619 --> 00:26:40.220 me, I have to make a conscious choice to ask 00:26:40.220 --> 00:26:44.059 God to be my God for the Savior, to be my Redeemer 00:26:44.059 --> 00:26:47.900 and to save me every single day because I have 00:26:47.900 --> 00:26:51.559 this, I trust, but I really do. And it must be 00:26:51.559 --> 00:26:55.460 a big, but cause I have this, I mean, every once 00:26:55.460 --> 00:26:57.740 in a while I go in this fear and I want it. I'm 00:26:57.740 --> 00:27:01.680 like, No, I, you are my God and I am your daughter. 00:27:02.200 --> 00:27:04.799 You are my God and I am your daughter. And I 00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:06.380 literally, I'll put my hand on my stomach and 00:27:06.380 --> 00:27:08.019 my chest every morning before I even get out 00:27:08.019 --> 00:27:11.160 of bed. And I said, you are my God and I am your 00:27:11.160 --> 00:27:14.900 daughter. And I just, it literally is a daily 00:27:14.900 --> 00:27:18.759 choice for me. That's how fast I can turn the 00:27:18.759 --> 00:27:21.940 corner and throw my butt in there. It's like, 00:27:21.960 --> 00:27:26.359 I trust you butt. It's like, it's a good reminder 00:27:26.359 --> 00:27:30.039 for me. to do my inputs and get out of the outcome 00:27:30.039 --> 00:27:32.420 business. I think this is part of the reason 00:27:32.420 --> 00:27:36.440 that we drank is because I was in the outcome 00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:40.119 business. You know, for me, if certain outcomes 00:27:40.119 --> 00:27:43.500 weren't happening, then my life was not acceptable 00:27:43.500 --> 00:27:46.720 to me and I needed to change the way I felt about 00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:49.440 things. And so this is one of the reasons that 00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:53.119 I drank is because the outcomes were out of my 00:27:53.119 --> 00:27:56.829 control, beyond my control. And as soon as I 00:27:56.829 --> 00:28:00.069 could find a loving Heavenly Father, a loving 00:28:00.069 --> 00:28:04.650 God, who I really did believe that, you know, 00:28:04.849 --> 00:28:07.369 of course, he's in the outcome business. The 00:28:07.369 --> 00:28:11.509 cop God? Yeah, Noel, no, the good outcome business. 00:28:11.910 --> 00:28:14.750 I believe that he is in the outcome, but he's 00:28:14.750 --> 00:28:18.309 the only one who is. And I also believe that, 00:28:18.359 --> 00:28:22.160 As long as my will is aligned with his, as long 00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:25.079 as I try to do the things that he wants me to 00:28:25.079 --> 00:28:27.599 do, which specifically is to carry a message 00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:31.140 and to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety 00:28:31.140 --> 00:28:34.220 and to just treat his children the way that he 00:28:34.220 --> 00:28:36.640 would treat them. I think that when I do that 00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:39.980 and I'm aligned, then I really begin to enter 00:28:39.980 --> 00:28:42.740 into this relationship with this higher power. 00:28:42.980 --> 00:28:46.339 And it's much easier for me now to begin to do 00:28:46.339 --> 00:28:49.730 steps four through 12. to take a look at myself. 00:28:49.829 --> 00:28:52.789 I'm not as afraid to take a look at myself. My 00:28:52.789 --> 00:28:56.089 own character defects, I see them as for what 00:28:56.089 --> 00:29:00.049 they are and an opportunity to become more like 00:29:00.049 --> 00:29:03.750 him through his son. And for me, that's really 00:29:03.750 --> 00:29:06.910 putting on recovery. It's really putting on the 00:29:06.910 --> 00:29:10.390 atonement of Jesus Christ. I agree with that, 00:29:10.430 --> 00:29:14.029 you know, and I like that. And I really love 00:29:14.029 --> 00:29:18.000 what you were saying, Crystal, about we control 00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:22.420 the inputs and God controls the outcomes. And 00:29:22.420 --> 00:29:26.299 when I think about step three, when I first took 00:29:26.299 --> 00:29:31.259 step three, I had so much garbage inside of me, 00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:34.079 fear, resentments, unfinished business that needed 00:29:34.079 --> 00:29:37.660 to be cleaned up in the past that I felt that 00:29:37.660 --> 00:29:40.680 I was still pretty blocked. And it wasn't until 00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:44.599 I went through and started doing that other work 00:29:44.599 --> 00:29:48.609 where I started to really feel at peace with 00:29:48.609 --> 00:29:51.930 myself. It wasn't that I knew God was there, 00:29:51.990 --> 00:29:54.190 I knew God loved me, but it was also kind of 00:29:54.190 --> 00:29:55.869 like, well, there's actions that you have to 00:29:55.869 --> 00:29:58.769 take to make things right in the world around 00:29:58.769 --> 00:30:00.930 you and to acknowledge what's going on inside 00:30:00.930 --> 00:30:07.529 of you. And so today, the step three looks a 00:30:07.529 --> 00:30:10.410 lot different than it did when I first got sober. 00:30:10.630 --> 00:30:15.230 Today, I love kind of the imagery that's used 00:30:15.230 --> 00:30:18.380 in the... the big book where it talks about we're 00:30:18.380 --> 00:30:21.859 in the world to play the role that God assigns. 00:30:21.859 --> 00:30:25.759 So it's like, okay, you know, God, I'm surrendering 00:30:25.759 --> 00:30:28.460 my will to you today. Like, what are the roles 00:30:28.460 --> 00:30:31.599 that you've assigned to me today? Father, husband, 00:30:31.940 --> 00:30:35.519 you know, employee, friend, you know, and kind 00:30:35.519 --> 00:30:37.279 of looking at the different roles that I have 00:30:37.279 --> 00:30:39.740 to play. And it's like, all right, I'm going 00:30:39.740 --> 00:30:41.299 to get out there and I'm just going to move my 00:30:41.299 --> 00:30:43.380 feet and I'm going to do the best that I can. 00:30:43.420 --> 00:30:46.339 And you, you know, and just point me where you 00:30:46.339 --> 00:30:52.079 want me to go. Do you ever question, like when 00:30:52.079 --> 00:30:54.079 you're out there in the world, do you ever just 00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:56.380 go, am I on the right path? Do you ever ask that? 00:30:56.380 --> 00:31:02.640 Because I do. That's why I'm asking. Sometimes 00:31:02.640 --> 00:31:08.140 I do, but a lot of times I can really feel it. 00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:11.380 It's kind of like internally, it's like, oh wow, 00:31:11.380 --> 00:31:13.779 I can really tell that I'm out of alignment here. 00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:17.220 you know, and some days it's just get me home, 00:31:17.420 --> 00:31:20.299 get me to bed, let me have a hard reset, start 00:31:20.299 --> 00:31:23.619 again tomorrow, you know, and get this day over 00:31:23.619 --> 00:31:25.920 with and tomorrow. Cause I was like, I think 00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:28.339 I need to, I need your God. That's going to talk 00:31:28.339 --> 00:31:32.299 louder to me sometimes. I think my God just whispers 00:31:32.299 --> 00:31:35.960 to me and I'm like, what, what, what? Well, a 00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:40.619 lot of it is more, I'm just going to, I pray 00:31:40.619 --> 00:31:43.099 and surrender in the morning and I'm saying you 00:31:43.099 --> 00:31:46.720 guide my feet. Like, here's where what's what 00:31:46.720 --> 00:31:49.559 I can see, and I'm just going to do this. And 00:31:49.559 --> 00:31:51.819 if you need other people brought into my life 00:31:51.819 --> 00:31:54.279 or whatever, bring them in. You know, and it's 00:31:54.279 --> 00:31:57.900 crazy what happens because a lot of times nothing, 00:31:58.299 --> 00:32:00.099 you know, it's nothing out of the ordinary. So 00:32:00.099 --> 00:32:01.920 it's looking more at the people who are around 00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:04.759 me. It's like, OK, how can I help lift them? 00:32:04.779 --> 00:32:06.700 How can I serve my family? How can I, you know, 00:32:06.779 --> 00:32:10.660 what little things can I do? And some days the 00:32:10.660 --> 00:32:13.789 best that I have is like Don't kill my kids. 00:32:14.190 --> 00:32:17.809 Don't yell at my co -workers. Don't. And that's 00:32:17.809 --> 00:32:20.089 the best I've got that day. For sure, for sure. 00:32:20.250 --> 00:32:23.230 And it's maddening sometimes when I'm like, what's 00:32:23.230 --> 00:32:26.849 the plan, Nick? You know, like, what are we doing 00:32:26.849 --> 00:32:28.910 about this? And he's like, I'm just taking it 00:32:28.910 --> 00:32:30.990 one day at a time. And I'm like, what do you 00:32:30.990 --> 00:32:32.769 mean? You're taking it one day at a time. We 00:32:32.769 --> 00:32:34.769 gotta plan this out. We gotta plan it out, right? 00:32:35.130 --> 00:32:38.349 But it works. And I'm like, OK, I'm learning 00:32:38.349 --> 00:32:42.569 to trust that process. Crystal, I still struggle 00:32:42.569 --> 00:32:48.099 with that. I'm sober 27 years and I'm still struggling 00:32:48.099 --> 00:32:51.880 with, yeah, but I gotta have a plan, right? I 00:32:51.880 --> 00:32:55.359 wanna be in the outcome. How else will I know 00:32:55.359 --> 00:32:58.920 if I'm successful? Exactly, exactly. And that 00:32:58.920 --> 00:33:01.440 goes so much to our sense of self -worth, right? 00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:04.519 If I'm not in alignment with what the world tells 00:33:04.519 --> 00:33:08.940 me I should be doing at this time. then it's 00:33:08.940 --> 00:33:10.859 hard to hold onto our sense of self and our dignity, 00:33:11.000 --> 00:33:13.940 you know, if we're looking at it the world's 00:33:13.940 --> 00:33:17.339 way. I want to make an important observation 00:33:17.339 --> 00:33:21.079 here, I think. This is out of the Big Book of 00:33:21.079 --> 00:33:24.220 Alcoholics Anonymous. This is on page 60. In 00:33:24.220 --> 00:33:27.160 fact, it's right after we get done reading about 00:33:27.160 --> 00:33:30.240 how it works. And this is how it goes. It says, 00:33:30.460 --> 00:33:33.079 being convinced we were at step three, which 00:33:33.079 --> 00:33:35.819 is that we decided to turn our will and our life 00:33:35.819 --> 00:33:37.839 over to the care of God as we understood him. 00:33:38.680 --> 00:33:42.240 Just what do we mean by that and just what do 00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:45.539 we do? The first requirement is that we be convinced 00:33:45.539 --> 00:33:49.220 that any life run on self -will can hardly be 00:33:49.220 --> 00:33:54.759 a success. Any life run on self -will can hardly 00:33:54.759 --> 00:33:58.940 be a success. On that basis, we were almost always 00:33:58.940 --> 00:34:01.720 in collision with something or somebody, even 00:34:01.720 --> 00:34:04.920 though our motives are good. Most people try 00:34:04.920 --> 00:34:08.420 to live by self -propulsion. Each person is like 00:34:08.420 --> 00:34:10.260 an actor, this is where you were talking about, 00:34:10.380 --> 00:34:13.659 Nick, who wants to run the whole show, is forever 00:34:13.659 --> 00:34:16.239 trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the 00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:18.679 scenery, the rest of the players on his own. 00:34:19.019 --> 00:34:22.739 If his arrangements would only stay put, if only 00:34:22.739 --> 00:34:26.480 people would do as he wished, the show would 00:34:26.480 --> 00:34:30.460 be great, and on and on it goes. Who among us 00:34:30.460 --> 00:34:34.579 hasn't tried to be the director of the play? 00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:39.019 For most of my life. All my life, yeah. And still... 00:34:39.019 --> 00:34:43.139 I still try it. Exactly. And I still sometimes 00:34:43.139 --> 00:34:45.500 try it. The director of my life and the director 00:34:45.500 --> 00:34:47.219 of my children's life and the director of my 00:34:47.219 --> 00:34:50.019 husband's life. and the director of the life, 00:34:50.440 --> 00:34:53.000 the guy that got in front of me, and everybody 00:34:53.000 --> 00:34:57.739 else who creates any kind of disturbance in my 00:34:57.739 --> 00:35:01.480 little microcosm of a really important life here, 00:35:01.960 --> 00:35:05.219 you know, that's my problem. So it's self -will. 00:35:05.500 --> 00:35:09.500 You know, I mean we we read on and in those you 00:35:09.500 --> 00:35:12.260 know within those a few pages of that and what 00:35:12.260 --> 00:35:15.880 we really find out is that we Are really dealing 00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:19.599 with self will run riot The thing that keeps 00:35:19.599 --> 00:35:23.119 us from really entering into a relationship with 00:35:23.119 --> 00:35:25.760 step three Which again is to just make a decision 00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:29.280 to turn my will over to him The thing that really 00:35:29.280 --> 00:35:33.059 stops me from doing that is self will The Book 00:35:33.059 --> 00:35:39.980 of Mormon, that's the big, big book. The big 00:35:39.980 --> 00:35:43.380 book says a thousand forms of self -deception. 00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:48.159 I fooled myself a thousand different ways to 00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:51.400 think that I was the guy running the show. I'm 00:35:51.400 --> 00:35:55.480 the most important part. But then I find, and 00:35:55.480 --> 00:35:59.099 we always find, that as soon as I'm able to remove 00:35:59.099 --> 00:36:02.219 myself from being the issue and seeing him as 00:36:02.219 --> 00:36:05.480 the issue, I can't. That's step one. I'm broken. 00:36:05.579 --> 00:36:07.539 I can't. I'm powerless. There's just nothing 00:36:07.539 --> 00:36:11.099 I can do. Step two, he can. I begin now to have 00:36:11.099 --> 00:36:13.539 a relationship with him. Step three, I think 00:36:13.539 --> 00:36:15.920 I'm gonna let him. And I'm just now making the 00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:17.659 decision to do that. But I can only do that when 00:36:17.659 --> 00:36:20.119 I get my self -will out of the way. I think, 00:36:20.380 --> 00:36:23.579 for me, the word agency comes in. You know the 00:36:23.579 --> 00:36:26.500 only thing that we really have truly that we 00:36:26.500 --> 00:36:29.480 possess is our our agency. That is the one thing 00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:32.860 that God will not cross over. He will not remove 00:36:32.860 --> 00:36:38.460 our agency. We always have the opportunity to 00:36:38.460 --> 00:36:41.050 choose. We don't have control over our lives. 00:36:41.050 --> 00:36:42.869 We don't have control over our family. We don't 00:36:42.869 --> 00:36:45.190 have control over. I mean, and we take nothing 00:36:45.190 --> 00:36:48.230 with us. We, we come here on borrowed time in 00:36:48.230 --> 00:36:51.110 a borrowed place. We're here temporarily and 00:36:51.110 --> 00:36:53.829 we leave, but the one thing we do possess is 00:36:53.829 --> 00:36:56.210 our agency. And every single day, I mean, in 00:36:56.210 --> 00:36:59.309 that step one, two, and three, when we decide 00:36:59.309 --> 00:37:02.630 to turn our will in our lives, that willingness 00:37:02.630 --> 00:37:06.170 is saying, I'm giving you the only thing I possess, 00:37:06.190 --> 00:37:09.719 which is my agency. I am giving you. the only 00:37:09.719 --> 00:37:12.559 thing I have, and I'm going to trust that you're 00:37:12.559 --> 00:37:14.400 going to put everything into place, that you're 00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:16.719 going to clear my path, that you're going to 00:37:16.719 --> 00:37:20.260 clear my past, my past, present, and future. 00:37:20.780 --> 00:37:23.179 And I think staying in that right now is the 00:37:23.179 --> 00:37:26.099 only thing we have control over. But I think 00:37:26.099 --> 00:37:30.639 the important thing for me to remember is I still 00:37:30.639 --> 00:37:34.690 have agency right here, right now. It's like 00:37:34.690 --> 00:37:36.909 I have to push a reset button every once in a 00:37:36.909 --> 00:37:40.190 while I mean when my day goes south and I'm like, 00:37:40.349 --> 00:37:43.210 oh my gosh, I cannot believe I'm here I am so 00:37:43.210 --> 00:37:46.030 derailed and it's like I and we've talked about 00:37:46.030 --> 00:37:49.170 this before Just I'm gonna start my day over. 00:37:49.190 --> 00:37:50.909 I realize it's seven o 'clock at night, but I 00:37:50.909 --> 00:37:54.530 am starting it over and because of him There 00:37:54.530 --> 00:37:57.630 is a reset button. Yeah, it's only available 00:37:57.630 --> 00:38:01.610 because of him. Yeah Agency was a big thing that 00:38:01.610 --> 00:38:04.539 just came up with that willingness I think too, 00:38:04.719 --> 00:38:08.539 like there's, I love the analogy of, like you 00:38:08.539 --> 00:38:11.340 know you grow something, right? You put the effort 00:38:11.340 --> 00:38:13.639 into growing a seed, but there's only so much 00:38:13.639 --> 00:38:16.679 you can do. At some point you have to step away 00:38:16.679 --> 00:38:19.880 and let the seed grow, right? At some point you 00:38:19.880 --> 00:38:23.280 have to let God kind of infuse something into 00:38:23.280 --> 00:38:25.820 the mix. You can't do it all no matter how much 00:38:25.820 --> 00:38:32.360 you want to. I love that. It is up to him. And 00:38:32.360 --> 00:38:34.760 I think, Crystal, I think to the degree that 00:38:34.760 --> 00:38:38.519 we see that is to the same degree that we will 00:38:38.519 --> 00:38:41.860 eventually, you talk about the serenity prayer, 00:38:42.099 --> 00:38:45.619 eventually we will have serenity. Maybe not eventually, 00:38:45.760 --> 00:38:50.440 maybe immediately. That has been my experience 00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:56.690 from time to time. I think that when we're talking 00:38:56.690 --> 00:38:58.789 about the third step, there's really a few things 00:38:58.789 --> 00:39:01.530 that we have to be cognizant of. One is that 00:39:01.530 --> 00:39:05.369 any type of self -will interferes me with the 00:39:05.369 --> 00:39:07.469 ability to turn my will and my life over to the 00:39:07.469 --> 00:39:10.090 care of God as I understand him. Any kind of 00:39:10.090 --> 00:39:11.989 selfishness, any kind of self -centeredness, 00:39:12.110 --> 00:39:15.969 and that's another thing that we as humans, I 00:39:15.969 --> 00:39:17.909 was gonna say as alcoholics and drug addicts, 00:39:17.909 --> 00:39:22.110 but it's common to everybody that we really sometimes 00:39:22.110 --> 00:39:27.570 get into the lock of what's best for me, and 00:39:27.570 --> 00:39:29.469 we're just constantly thinking about ourselves, 00:39:29.530 --> 00:39:32.849 and sometimes, and I've even done this fairly 00:39:32.849 --> 00:39:37.429 recently probably, where I counsel God. I take 00:39:37.429 --> 00:39:41.929 the solution to him sometimes, especially when 00:39:41.929 --> 00:39:45.929 it comes to turning my. kids over to him or certain 00:39:45.929 --> 00:39:49.389 situations over to him or whatever. I have in 00:39:49.389 --> 00:39:52.010 my mind sometimes still that this is the way 00:39:52.010 --> 00:39:55.969 God wants it to look. And so it's my job to make 00:39:55.969 --> 00:40:00.789 it that way. And it's difficult for me to do 00:40:00.789 --> 00:40:03.230 that. It's impossible for me to do that. And 00:40:03.230 --> 00:40:06.150 when I begin to try to do that, I really open 00:40:06.150 --> 00:40:10.050 myself up to anxiety, even some depression sometimes 00:40:10.050 --> 00:40:14.300 or whatever. Because I'm trying to get in the 00:40:14.300 --> 00:40:17.340 way. Self -will is the thing that will really 00:40:17.340 --> 00:40:19.559 jump between us in that relationship with God. 00:40:19.940 --> 00:40:21.559 And it's important for us to understand that. 00:40:21.820 --> 00:40:25.420 I remember a few years ago, I'll try not to get 00:40:25.420 --> 00:40:27.179 into too much detail because I don't want to 00:40:27.179 --> 00:40:28.940 embarrass anybody, but somebody that I loved 00:40:28.940 --> 00:40:33.429 dearly got in a lot of trouble. And I really 00:40:33.429 --> 00:40:36.429 wanted to do a lot of things to rescue and help, 00:40:36.590 --> 00:40:38.670 and there was only so much I could do, and I 00:40:38.670 --> 00:40:41.510 did what I could do, but I was obsessing over 00:40:41.510 --> 00:40:43.510 trying to do more, and I just couldn't. There 00:40:43.510 --> 00:40:45.570 was just no more that I could do, and I really 00:40:45.570 --> 00:40:49.010 realized that I needed to turn my will and my 00:40:49.010 --> 00:40:51.909 life, my entire life over to the care of God. 00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:55.539 in that moment. And I remembered, and this has 00:40:55.539 --> 00:40:57.880 been so important to me, I do this on a pretty 00:40:57.880 --> 00:41:00.199 regular basis, there's a prayer in the big book, 00:41:00.480 --> 00:41:02.960 it's on page 63, it's actually the third step 00:41:02.960 --> 00:41:06.119 prayer. And this is what it says, and I encourage 00:41:06.119 --> 00:41:09.099 you, our listeners and all of us, that anytime 00:41:09.099 --> 00:41:12.199 we're in a situation where I just need to be 00:41:12.199 --> 00:41:15.559 reminded that God's in charge, if I can say something 00:41:15.559 --> 00:41:18.320 along these lines, it's helpful for me. God, 00:41:18.500 --> 00:41:21.400 I offer myself to thee. to build with me and 00:41:21.400 --> 00:41:24.940 do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage 00:41:24.940 --> 00:41:29.119 of self, that I may better do thy will. Take 00:41:29.119 --> 00:41:31.440 away my difficulties, that victory over them 00:41:31.440 --> 00:41:34.340 may bear witness to those I would help of thy 00:41:34.340 --> 00:41:38.360 power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do 00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:43.579 thy will always. I think that, you know, that 00:41:43.579 --> 00:41:46.440 pretty much encapsulates the way that I want 00:41:46.440 --> 00:41:49.079 to see my relationship with him is just turning 00:41:49.079 --> 00:41:52.219 it completely there. I really loved the third 00:41:52.219 --> 00:41:55.360 step prayer. It has played a really critical 00:41:55.360 --> 00:42:00.360 role in my recovery because in the beginning, 00:42:01.519 --> 00:42:06.019 I couldn't pray in the traditional sense. I was 00:42:06.019 --> 00:42:09.619 right there with you. But I could say this prayer. 00:42:11.059 --> 00:42:15.519 And so I took the these and the thou's out of 00:42:15.519 --> 00:42:18.219 it and kind of reworded it to God, I offer myself 00:42:18.219 --> 00:42:21.639 to you to build with me and to do with me as 00:42:21.639 --> 00:42:24.760 you will. And I love how it's relieved me of 00:42:24.760 --> 00:42:26.980 the bondage of self. Cause that's the thing that's 00:42:26.980 --> 00:42:30.199 really cutting me off from God is cause I worship 00:42:30.199 --> 00:42:33.139 my own thoughts, feelings and emotions like that 00:42:33.139 --> 00:42:35.460 is my God. So can we pause right there for just 00:42:35.460 --> 00:42:39.159 a second? Give me some examples of what that 00:42:39.159 --> 00:42:40.840 might look like. You don't have to tell us about 00:42:40.840 --> 00:42:42.960 you personally, but what might that look like 00:42:42.960 --> 00:42:46.159 in somebody? Or what might that look like for 00:42:46.159 --> 00:42:48.860 some of our listeners? I mean, maybe not even 00:42:48.860 --> 00:42:51.039 something specific to you, but what is something 00:42:51.039 --> 00:42:55.519 that we see, how do we see that manifest? So 00:42:55.519 --> 00:42:59.579 I guess one of the easiest things that I see, 00:42:59.599 --> 00:43:02.840 the quickest with guys that I sponsor with this 00:43:02.840 --> 00:43:07.340 is, all right. When you first get sober, any 00:43:07.340 --> 00:43:09.880 free night that you have, I want you at a meeting. 00:43:10.380 --> 00:43:13.079 I want you doing 90 and 90. I want you training 00:43:13.079 --> 00:43:16.280 your feet. Become willing to do something that 00:43:16.280 --> 00:43:19.099 you don't want to do. The thing that I hear the 00:43:19.099 --> 00:43:22.340 most is like, well, I don't. I don't think that 00:43:22.340 --> 00:43:24.840 that's necessary and I don't really feel like 00:43:24.840 --> 00:43:29.280 it and I worked a long day and I just want to 00:43:29.280 --> 00:43:31.980 kick back in front of the TV and I'm, you know, 00:43:32.179 --> 00:43:35.199 basically it's, I'm choosing comfort over doing 00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:37.079 something that's inconvenient that might bring 00:43:37.079 --> 00:43:40.260 God into my life. That's the thing that I, you 00:43:40.260 --> 00:43:44.519 know, I kind of equate it with taking action 00:43:44.519 --> 00:43:49.800 outside of myself. And that's the thing that 00:43:49.800 --> 00:43:52.980 comes to mind, especially with guys in recovery 00:43:52.980 --> 00:43:57.920 that I work with. Yeah, I love that. I love that, 00:43:57.920 --> 00:44:00.739 because this is important. This is like where, 00:44:00.739 --> 00:44:03.539 okay, this is all great, but how do I put it 00:44:03.539 --> 00:44:05.480 to work in my own life? And I think that you've 00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:08.659 answered that, Nick. The other part that I love 00:44:08.659 --> 00:44:13.820 about this prayer is that take away my difficulties, 00:44:14.179 --> 00:44:17.670 not to make my life easier, but... that victory 00:44:17.670 --> 00:44:20.750 over them will bear witness to those I would 00:44:20.750 --> 00:44:23.949 help of your power. So basically I'm an agent 00:44:23.949 --> 00:44:28.429 for God. And it says that there, he's the principal, 00:44:28.570 --> 00:44:30.610 we're the agent. He's the employer, we're the 00:44:30.610 --> 00:44:33.150 employee. He's the father, we're the son. So 00:44:33.150 --> 00:44:35.409 everything that we're doing is to manifest his 00:44:35.409 --> 00:44:39.190 power and to show it to others. Because what 00:44:39.190 --> 00:44:43.090 it says here in step four is that we allow God 00:44:43.090 --> 00:44:46.130 to demonstrate through us what he can do. You 00:44:46.130 --> 00:44:49.250 know, and that's what that is showing me. And 00:44:49.250 --> 00:44:51.949 especially, you know, when you get in to the 00:44:51.949 --> 00:44:55.230 ninth step, you know, you really start to see 00:44:55.230 --> 00:44:58.110 God manifesting in your life and people around 00:44:58.110 --> 00:45:00.730 you, especially in the rooms of recovery, you 00:45:00.730 --> 00:45:04.329 know, see a lot of miracles happen. Well, and 00:45:04.329 --> 00:45:09.110 I think anytime it's easy for me to see it past, 00:45:09.110 --> 00:45:13.710 but anytime I have been in that space of surrender, 00:45:14.329 --> 00:45:17.750 and turn my will and my life over. He works miracles. 00:45:18.429 --> 00:45:21.610 Like I know, and I think that's why I have the 00:45:21.610 --> 00:45:24.929 faith today is because what he has done for me 00:45:24.929 --> 00:45:27.090 in the past. And I've always used this example. 00:45:27.190 --> 00:45:30.170 I remember divorcing my first husband, leaving 00:45:30.170 --> 00:45:32.690 the house, gave it to him like thinking I will 00:45:32.690 --> 00:45:35.289 never own a home again, ever. And it's okay. 00:45:36.110 --> 00:45:40.559 And I, it's like, The life that I have today 00:45:40.559 --> 00:45:44.960 is far exceeds anything I ever imagined ever 00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:47.260 thought about. I mean, and I think that's the 00:45:47.260 --> 00:45:51.059 piece that that I just I have to hold on to and 00:45:51.059 --> 00:45:53.820 just hold near to my heart as he's there. He's 00:45:53.820 --> 00:45:56.219 present. He's been there in the past. He's there 00:45:56.219 --> 00:45:58.800 today. He'll be there tomorrow as long as my 00:45:58.800 --> 00:46:01.599 will aligns with his. And I think that's such 00:46:01.599 --> 00:46:05.280 a great prayer to help me get out of the way. 00:46:05.480 --> 00:46:10.280 I love that. I do too. I remember being in Manhattan 00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:14.599 and walking out of an event that I was speaking 00:46:14.599 --> 00:46:17.679 at. I wasn't speaking at the time, obviously, 00:46:18.039 --> 00:46:21.179 but I was being so consumed with this problem 00:46:21.179 --> 00:46:23.679 that was happening in somebody's life that I 00:46:23.679 --> 00:46:26.920 loved, you know? And the only thing I could do 00:46:26.920 --> 00:46:29.119 was to think to say that prayer. I was like you, 00:46:29.199 --> 00:46:31.719 Nick. I mean, I had been sober many years at 00:46:31.719 --> 00:46:36.030 this point. But I was just so crippled with my 00:46:36.030 --> 00:46:38.750 own will, what I thought things should look like, 00:46:38.750 --> 00:46:42.610 and they weren't looking like that. And so I 00:46:42.610 --> 00:46:46.489 had to go to that prayer again then, too. I love 00:46:46.489 --> 00:46:50.050 that. And I love that you said that. Our friend 00:46:50.050 --> 00:46:52.949 Dennis in recovery, I heard him read this third 00:46:52.949 --> 00:46:56.909 step prayer one time, and he read it like that. 00:46:57.309 --> 00:47:00.349 Victory over our troubles, why? That they might 00:47:00.349 --> 00:47:04.429 show. his power, you know, and I just love that 00:47:04.429 --> 00:47:07.449 because that's exactly what they do. Well, I 00:47:07.449 --> 00:47:09.510 think as we just kind of wrap everything up, 00:47:09.630 --> 00:47:11.389 there's just a couple of things that we probably 00:47:11.389 --> 00:47:14.090 ought to just point out as recap one. The first 00:47:14.090 --> 00:47:16.989 one is, is that, you know, step three is a decision. 00:47:17.650 --> 00:47:20.710 It's just a decision. The action follows the 00:47:20.710 --> 00:47:23.230 decision, but the decision has to be made based 00:47:23.230 --> 00:47:26.070 on our steps one and two. The fact that I can't, 00:47:26.170 --> 00:47:27.829 there's nothing about me that I can't. I was 00:47:27.829 --> 00:47:30.170 listening to a speaker tape, an A speaker tape 00:47:30.170 --> 00:47:33.909 today. It was one of Sandy B's. There I go blowing 00:47:33.909 --> 00:47:37.949 anonymity again. But it was one of Sandy B's. 00:47:38.489 --> 00:47:42.650 And he talked about how I can't quit drinking. 00:47:42.789 --> 00:47:45.539 Well, yeah. I can't quit drinking, that's good 00:47:45.539 --> 00:47:49.360 news. I can't quit this. Well yeah, that's good 00:47:49.360 --> 00:47:52.820 news, you can't quit. You can't stop, you can't 00:47:52.820 --> 00:47:55.400 this, you can't that because you never were intended 00:47:55.400 --> 00:47:59.719 to be the issue, God is. God is the issue here. 00:48:00.289 --> 00:48:02.590 and and of course I can't and of course I need 00:48:02.590 --> 00:48:04.570 his help and of course I have to turn my will 00:48:04.570 --> 00:48:08.449 over to him and To the extent I do I invite peace 00:48:08.449 --> 00:48:10.170 into my life So I think that's important for 00:48:10.170 --> 00:48:12.510 me to remember and and I love the way that this 00:48:12.510 --> 00:48:14.769 ties into you know We talked about King Benjamin 00:48:14.769 --> 00:48:17.070 and and so many others in the Book of Mormon, 00:48:17.070 --> 00:48:21.110 but I love so much This part of King Benjamin's 00:48:21.110 --> 00:48:23.809 speech. He says for the natural man This is in 00:48:23.809 --> 00:48:27.269 Mosiah 3 19 is an enemy to God and has been from 00:48:27.269 --> 00:48:30.360 the fall of Adam and will be forever and ever 00:48:30.360 --> 00:48:33.019 unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy 00:48:33.019 --> 00:48:35.780 Spirit and put if off the natural man and becomeeth 00:48:35.780 --> 00:48:38.019 a saint through the atonement of Jesus Christ 00:48:38.019 --> 00:48:41.900 the Lord. We just talked about that. I mean, 00:48:41.980 --> 00:48:46.619 that's steps one, two, three. I can't, he can, 00:48:47.019 --> 00:48:49.280 I'm gonna let him. How am I gonna let him do 00:48:49.280 --> 00:48:52.340 that? By establishing a relationship with him 00:48:52.340 --> 00:48:54.619 through his son that will allow me to come to 00:48:54.619 --> 00:49:00.079 him. I think that just as you were talking there, 00:49:00.559 --> 00:49:04.519 like for me, I know that step three is a decision, 00:49:04.800 --> 00:49:09.500 but I personally have found that I always have 00:49:09.500 --> 00:49:14.119 to follow it up with action. That for me to at 00:49:14.119 --> 00:49:17.079 least feel at peace, like I'm doing what I can, 00:49:17.440 --> 00:49:20.699 even though most of the time my action is completely 00:49:20.699 --> 00:49:24.079 unrelated to whatever. Issue I may have at hand 00:49:24.079 --> 00:49:26.739 like I I have to get into action and the action 00:49:26.739 --> 00:49:29.860 You know has to be outside of myself just doing 00:49:29.860 --> 00:49:33.760 the next right thing Yeah, and for me that is 00:49:33.760 --> 00:49:37.420 how I can like take it one day at a time right 00:49:37.420 --> 00:49:41.059 if i'm trying to just Think to myself i'm just 00:49:41.059 --> 00:49:42.760 gonna let god take care of my whole life That 00:49:42.760 --> 00:49:45.619 feels really big to me if I can just say I just 00:49:45.619 --> 00:49:49.800 surrender today It's much easier for me to just 00:49:49.800 --> 00:49:51.880 make that day the best day I can and surrender 00:49:52.079 --> 00:49:55.440 to God. I love that. I've actually I've actually 00:49:55.440 --> 00:49:57.860 had to do that multiple times in a day sometimes. 00:49:58.440 --> 00:50:02.460 So yeah, I love that. Well, for me, I think talking 00:50:02.460 --> 00:50:06.059 about the fall, we we encourage our Institute 00:50:06.059 --> 00:50:09.000 kids to to literally get on your knees and thank 00:50:09.000 --> 00:50:11.780 Heavenly Father for the fall, because that's 00:50:11.780 --> 00:50:14.099 where we get to learn. We get to learn in our 00:50:14.099 --> 00:50:18.760 mess. We get to learn when we when we transgress. 00:50:18.969 --> 00:50:21.789 And then that's when the lesson is learned. That's 00:50:21.789 --> 00:50:24.869 when we have that reliance on our Savior to save 00:50:24.869 --> 00:50:28.130 us. That's where we need Him. That's where we 00:50:28.130 --> 00:50:30.849 turn our will and our life over to Him. And that 00:50:30.849 --> 00:50:35.170 was life -changing for me when I was like, the 00:50:35.170 --> 00:50:38.949 fall is part of the plan. That's the pillar of 00:50:38.949 --> 00:50:43.769 eternity. So for me, it's like, just be grateful 00:50:43.769 --> 00:50:47.300 for the fall. When I, when I make a choice that 00:50:47.300 --> 00:50:52.099 probably isn't the best, go into, you know, autocorrect, 00:50:52.420 --> 00:50:55.659 go into, go face him, go back to him, reset, 00:50:56.219 --> 00:51:00.179 you know, find him. So it's, it's also in the 00:51:00.179 --> 00:51:05.400 gratitude for the journey. For me, it's about 00:51:05.400 --> 00:51:09.099 recognizing that I need him. I can't knowing 00:51:09.099 --> 00:51:12.340 that he can and believing that he will. and then 00:51:12.340 --> 00:51:15.239 turning my life over to Him as I trust Him and 00:51:15.239 --> 00:51:19.260 as I know Him. And that's not always easy. It's 00:51:19.260 --> 00:51:22.340 really difficult sometimes, especially when I 00:51:22.340 --> 00:51:24.519 again slip back into the outcome business. But 00:51:24.519 --> 00:51:27.920 whenever I'm facing any kind of difficulty when 00:51:27.920 --> 00:51:30.320 it comes to turning my will and my life over 00:51:30.320 --> 00:51:34.840 to Him, it's simply because I have let self -will 00:51:34.840 --> 00:51:38.809 again run riot in my own life. So, you know, 00:51:39.050 --> 00:51:42.269 I guess our invitation to our listeners, to each 00:51:42.269 --> 00:51:45.349 of you would be, you know, maybe just do a little 00:51:45.349 --> 00:51:47.570 self inventory and ask yourself, where am I still 00:51:47.570 --> 00:51:50.909 trying to run the show? Where am I trying to 00:51:50.909 --> 00:51:54.760 be in control? Where am I trying to control the 00:51:54.760 --> 00:51:57.639 outcomes of people, places, things, et cetera? 00:51:58.119 --> 00:52:00.699 Because I think that when we recognize it, it 00:52:00.699 --> 00:52:03.320 gives us an opportunity to be different. It gives 00:52:03.320 --> 00:52:06.059 us an opportunity to enter into that relationship 00:52:06.059 --> 00:52:08.179 with him that we talk about so much on here. 00:52:08.559 --> 00:52:10.840 Next month, we'll talk about step four. Step 00:52:10.840 --> 00:52:13.800 four is we begin to take a fearless and searching 00:52:13.800 --> 00:52:17.559 moral inventory of ourselves. A lot to talk about 00:52:17.559 --> 00:52:20.719 there. So in the meantime, we'll have a couple 00:52:20.719 --> 00:52:23.389 of other. episodes between now and then again 00:52:23.389 --> 00:52:26.949 talking about Christ at home and everything else. 00:52:27.469 --> 00:52:30.429 We love you. Thanks for being with us. Thanks 00:52:30.429 --> 00:52:31.949 for being with us, everybody. We look forward 00:52:31.949 --> 00:52:34.429 to being with you again next weekend. Until then, 00:52:34.590 --> 00:52:34.889 be well.