Hey there, everybody. Welcome out to another
episode of Redeemed Through His Blood. This is
Scott Durfey. And as always, I'm joined by Princess
Debra. Hi, friends. What's up, Deb? Oh, just
enjoying my day. I just want to kind of say thanks
to those who have been reaching out via email
and our Institute students who have been texting
questions and comments and various things like
that that we'll be discussing on the podcast
today. Today's episode kind of came from some
discussion that I've had with some people recently
and maybe even a few comments via email and so
on and so forth. But let me kind of lay it out
for you this way. You know, many years ago I
was going through a rough time in my life and
it came a point in my life when it was just time
I knew to settle in a divorce from my first wife,
right? And when I was going through that process,
I was talking to somebody who was strong in the
church and somebody I looked up to and all of
that. And I told him, I says, yeah, we'll be
getting a divorce. And this person said, oh,
man, you'll never be able to be a bishop now.
Ouch. Ouch Like that should matter right, but
yeah, how about I'm sorry about your divorce,
you know, right? Wow. Well, and it's okay Well,
the thing about it is is that's the kind of thing
that I think sometimes that we grow up with in
the church You know, I and that's what I want
to talk about today. I want to talk about you
know when when when When we sometimes feel like
we're just spiritually late to the game Well,
or like maybe I don't have all of that I need
in order to play the game in a way that, you
know, would be pleasing to the Lord or pleasing
to me or, heaven forbid, pleasing to other people.
But we do go there. Yeah. It's tough because
we do comparison. Yeah. You know, I've got a
younger brother that's a mission president right
now. Right. And I, you know, you often think,
well, what qualifies him and what qualifies me?
And it's so sick that we have that comparison,
but we do and we do and I and I'm really almost
embarrassed to even bring it up because that
was over almost 40 years ago, but it's still
is still in my life is still because And whoever
said this, you know, they didn't mean anything
by it or you know, whatever like that and you
know haven't even spoken to this person for years.
So it's not like it's a big deal. But but that's
the kind of thing sometimes right shortly after
that, Deb. So I was divorced and moved into,
you know, my parents basement for a while and
had my kids and, you know, and all that stuff.
And I'd go to church, I'd go to to elders quorum
and get to hear about what it was like to have
a celestial marriage. I hear mine is falling
apart. Oh, I know what that felt like. I know.
I know. I know. But these are the kinds of things
I think that sometimes that as we, you know,
engage in our culture and as we participate in
things spiritual and that have to do with the
church and the organization and the institution
of the church that sometimes just by comparison
we get out of I don't know out of alignment with
where our focus really should be and our focus
as always we talk about is and should only be
on our Savior Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah, I think
it's I think it's my personal experience was
You know, I would hear people talk about how
awesome their marriage is and I'd see men get
up and testify about Heavenly Father and Jesus
Christ and how wonderful their marriage was and
I was like That guy's got a really positive attitude
or a really great marriage or whatever. And then
he'd go sit down while I'm sitting alone in a
pew with my children. So I've had those same
experiences and I'm like, what did I do wrong?
And then I have a list of what I did wrong. Oh,
this is the consequence for what I've done wrong.
So I deserve to sit in a pew by myself with my
kids. So then I go through this justification,
this crazy like head game of this is why I'm
where I am. because of the choices I've made,
and this is what I'm doing because of the choices
I've made, and this is how God is punishing me,
per se, and this is true belief to me. And that's
the word, punish, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so,
you know, after you live so many years going
to church and saying your prayers and paying
your tithing and doing all the checkbox things,
you know, and you still have the challenges,
you're like... when am I going to be done? Well,
what about those of our brothers and sisters
who their lives don't look that messy, but still
all of our lives are messy to a degree, right?
Well, they have a really good job of putting
on that facade of perfection. Well, what I'm
saying now is there are folks that seem to you
and I or maybe to the rest of the world like
everything's just smooth sailing, but underneath
all of that there's some sort of turmoil that
makes all of us feel inadequate at some point
for sure and that's why I called it the facade
of perfection because there's oftentimes I would
go to church with my noisy naughty kids by myself
there's a husband and wife with 12 beautiful
children sitting reverently coloring in their
in their little you know magazines and being
reverent during the sacrament I'm like what am
I I'm missing something yeah you know but I know
realistically that you know there's there's there's
not a perfect life And just because I think there
is that facade of perfection, you know, again,
going back to that stupid comparison thing is
so funny how real that is in our lives. It's
almost embarrassing like you said well this this
this applies not just to people who have struggled
We have we've all struggled again, but but some
to the extreme You know, but even those who haven't
struggled to the extreme will sometimes feel
like this just doesn't work I just don't measure
up. I'm just not keeping up. I'm just spiritually
late. I should be further along the way by now.
I should have deeper faith. I should be able
to and on and on it goes. I mean, this isn't
just something for those of us who have wandered,
clearly wandered. We've all wandered to a degree,
but who have clearly and to the extreme wandered.
But this is literally for all of us. We all have
those feelings at times. I mean, nobody Nobody's
immune from the effects of the accuser, right?
He has power to bruise our hill. But through
enmity, obviously, we can crush his head. And
we know that we all have been and will sometimes
be affected. And what we're talking about today,
we're not really here to excuse complacency.
What we're doing is we want to confront the lie
that discipleship has universal timelines, universal
deadlines, universal quotas, universal checkboxes,
et cetera. Discipleship is not about that. You
don't have to be a certain age to be at a certain
place in your spiritual journey Discipleship
is me understanding my own fallenness and understanding
that it is through him That I can put off the
natural man and put on the atonement of Jesus
Christ the dependency on a Savior and that's
it Yeah, and it no matter where we are and no
matter how old we are. Yeah, I think that's what
What amazes me about the young adults that we
teach is sometimes when we have a discussion
and we open that up, some of their comments,
my jaw drops almost. I'm like, I didn't learn
that till I was in my 40s. They're just so valiant,
so good, so faithful that it's like, can you
teach me? Keep talking. It's just so great. What
do you think it is that makes them that way?
I think it's their devotion and their discipleship.
I think, you know, these are the same kids that
don't have to be there on Wednesdays to come
to Institute. And then when we go on Friday nights
to the temple, they're there working. Yeah. But
I'll tell you this. I've had an opportunity,
as you know, to go to lunch with some of these
kids, these Institute kids of ours on a fairly
regular basis recently. And I'm telling you.
They struggle like we do. I mean, they have it
together. There's no question. But they have
the same struggles, the same adversity, the same.
They have the same accuser yelling the same lies
in their ears that the rest of the church does.
And they struggle, too. We all struggle with
our spiritual identity, I think, to a degree,
you know, because and again, it can become so
dangerous. And this is what we want to talk about
today is how do we avoid the danger of comparing
myself against others and feeling like that I'm
inadequate, or I'm not keeping up, or I'm not
following along the path in a manner that I should
be? And who describes that? I mean, where is
the textbook case that says this is where I should
be at this? You know what I'm saying? It's like,
I don't see it. I don't. I think again, for me,
it's by comparison. Somebody my age is out doing
something way more spectacular and outstanding
and more discipleship than maybe what I'm doing.
And again, it's so, comparison is the absolute
thief of joy. The absolute thief of joy. But
we do it. We do you know and you know growing
up in the church I've been guilty of it You've
been guilty of it and so the people that we know
have all been guilty of it But how often do we
refer to somebody as you know to say well, you
know, he must be a great guy He went on a mission
or or worse or worse his calling here. He has
a temple rack man. Oh, yeah Well that or or worse
He must not be a very good guy. He didn't go
on a mission. So sometimes, you know, we have
this ideal in our head and we hold ourselves
to it. When we don't measure up to it, then we
collapse. We definitely have this ideal where
we sometimes can hold other people to. And I'm
telling you, Deb, that that is not Christ -like.
That's not what Jesus or how Jesus would want
us to be with each other. He's not that way with
us. I'm just looking in John 21 where Peter sees
John and asks, Lord, and what shall this man
do? Yeah, this is an amazing story actually.
So this is obviously Jesus has been resurrected
now and he's meeting with a couple of his apostles
and he talks to Peter. This is in John chapter
21 verse... We're starting 21 and Peter saying
him saith unto Jesus Lord, what shall this man
do? So what he's doing is actually he Peter's
Jesus has told Peter what's going to be his fate
in other words Peter's gonna be crucified He's
gonna die and then he goes on and then Peter
says well, what about this guy? What about John
now John's the one writing this You know this
book and he says what about John? Lord, what
shall this man do and Jesus said unto him? If
I will that he tarry till I come, what is it
to thee? Follow thou me." So they didn't get
the same blessing. The blessing for John or curse,
I don't know, I wonder how he feels about it
today, is that he would tarry the earth until
Jesus came the second time, until his second
coming. So he's still here. Jesus is telling
Peter, Peter, that's not your lot. Yeah, that's
not your mission. It's not your mission. Yeah.
I have different things for you to do. And I
think that's the important key lesson here is
we all have different lessons. We all can't fit
in the same box. We all can't fit the same mold.
We all can't be doing all of the same thing.
Was John better than Peter? No. Was Peter better
than John? No. Or any of the others? It was just
different for each one of them. And I think it's
important for me to remember that I'm here on
a purpose. And sometimes when I start comparing,
I think I'm not fulfilling my purpose. What I
need to be doing is falling on my knees saying,
heavenly father, lead me and guide me so that
I do know my purpose. And so that I'm comfortable
in my journey. I'm comfortable in where I am
and how I'm serving and what I, you know, because
when I'm in, in that space, I am confident, I'm
comfortable, I'm peaceful, and when I'm not,
I am very discontent. So how do you get in that
space? Like I said, I fall on my knees and I
just say, Heavenly Father, lead me, guide me.
And I've been there lately because I've been
humbled. I'm very, I'm still uncomfortable for
those of you that know my saying that I've kind
of cursed upon myself with no growing in the
comfort zone, no comfort in the growing zone.
I'm still uncomfortable. Therefore I'm still
growing. Attending the temple will put me on
track. It will bring me peace. It will bring
me clarity. And I think I talked about this last
week. Sometimes when I'm in the shower, I get
some really good downloads. and inspiration from
the Lord, and he will, I can hear him clear.
I don't know if it's water, I don't know what
it is, but I think the most important thing is
coming to him. And like President Nelson said,
find joy in repenting daily. And repenting daily
is changing the direction of making sure I'm
facing him. And if I'm not, turn back and face
Him. Going back to Peter and John, if you think
about these two apostles, and we could do this
with all twelve of the original apostles, especially
because of... The chosen I love the chosen too.
I know It's just a great opportunity for me to
kind of imagine what some of those personalities
would be like and I really hope and I think they
probably did a Phenomenal job with both Peter
and John because the scriptures teach us a little
bit about both of these disciples You know Peter
we know that he was bold We know that he was
impulsive. We know that, you know, he was out
in front and always in the public and always
ready to defend. He's the one that cut the ear
off of one of the legions. Right. And then there's
John, you know, John, just steady. Very intimate,
very, very much loving. He was at and near the
cross when Jesus was hung on the cross. Jesus
spoke to John while he was on the cross, John,
behold thy mother, etc. You know, so just two
different, both apostles. Right? Both were just
different wiring. They just wired a little bit
different. And they had different timelines,
right? Or you can even think of Book of Mormon
characters. Think of Alma the Younger. Very dramatic,
kind of sudden turnaround, just kind of all of
a sudden, you know. But then compare him to,
say, for example, Ammon. You know, just a steady
missionary, consistent, had the patience of Ammon,
I was going to say the patience of Job, but just
extremely patient in his ministry to King Lemhi
and others, etc. I think that God doesn't just
use one template when he builds us. We all have
different personalities. We come with those personalities.
And I think that those personalities that we
have can be for the greater good of all if we
can be accepting of ourselves and our own progress
without judging it too harshly. Right, and where
we are on the covenant path. Exactly. I think
sometimes the seasons feel a little bit slow.
But I think, and I had this conversation. I went
to lunch with Bowen today, my son, our youngest,
and he said, how are you doing, mom? You know,
and I said, you know what? I'm finally feeling
peace. And I think it's, it's in that season
of stillness and slow that, you know, the deepest
roots go in into the fleshy tables of our heart
and offer like true peace. It's like, I know
that I'm a, I'm a daughter of God. I know that
I'm a disciple of Jesus Christ. I know that I'm
a daughter of the covenant. And that brings me
peace more than any other thing on the planet.
And so it's like this quiet stillness that just
roots me back into what's the most important.
And it's like President Nelson said, think celestial.
In the long run, you know, when we think celestial,
Things in front of us that feel so big don't
matter at all, especially those comparisons that
I have a tendency to pick up. Yeah, but you used
a really important word. You said the long run,
right? Yeah. Because it's a long run. And then
you said something about peace and how important
peace is. And obviously, that's a big one. However,
if we listen to the adversary... Well, he's busy
accusing us. Sometimes he's gonna whisper the
urgency is more important than peace You better
get it done. You better get it done quick. How
many times have We've been uptight when I say
we I mean me So how many times have I been uptight
in my anxious engagement because I just needed
to get it done Well, we live in a really fast
-paced world. We can get information immediately.
We can get food immediately. We can get satisfaction.
We can get anything so fast. And we forget that
we're here on God's timing, not our timing. And
even though the world is fast paced and even
though we have immediate gratification, that's
not God's timing. God wants to bless us, but
not in the world timing. It's God's timing. Well,
what happens to us then if we buy into the lie
that we're behind? Then we get discouraged and
we get frustrated and we get we've panic and
we get anxiety and we get angst And we lose joy
And we can even in some cases totally and entirely
disengage and we've both seen that You know,
we get more anxious in our striving and I may
argue that if I'm anxious in my striving Am I
really striving? Yeah Well, I think it's important
Also, to remember when President Nelson talked
about how much the Lord loves effort, when we
put in effort to get or stay on the covenant
path, when we turn away from those things that
distract us from our Heavenly Father, if you
think the church standards are too high, I invite
you, he says, I invite you to consider the Lord
is not asking for perfection now. He is asking
that we move in the right direction. Face him,
come to him. You know, and I think it's important
for me to remember that. And then, you know,
President Holland, I love him and miss him already.
But another quote from him when he talks about,
except in the case of his only begotten son,
imperfect people are all God has ever had to
work with. That must be terribly frustrating
to him. But he deals with it. He deals with me.
So should we. You know, and I think I think oftentimes
That's more towards me because I get more critical
on myself than I do others Well, and I think
that's the whole point is our self -criticism,
our comparison. I'm just not there yet. I'm just
not enough yet. I'm just, you know, for example,
in my family, everybody's been bishops, or everybody's
been in state presidencies, or everybody's been
whatever. And so if I were to look at it like
the rest of the world would look at that, I would
look at that as a self -indictment and feel...
And sometimes, to be honest with you... It's
happened, you know, not very often and when it
has, I quickly recognize it for the lie that
it is, but it's still nonetheless plays there.
What it does is it gives the accuser something
to, it arms him with something against me. And
so I think it's just important that we just really
understand, you know, and I love, again, going
back to this example in John, in John 21, he
says, Peter. Lovest thou thee more than these?
And he saith unto him, Yea, Lord, thou knowest
that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my
lambs. And then he goes on three times and he
tells Peter what he needs to be doing, right?
So he tells him what he's doing or what he will
be doing, and then Peter compares himself to
John. Well, look what John gets, and then Jesus
says, Peter, stop it. Stop comparing yourself.
This is me giving you your best life. This is
me giving John his best life. They're different
and they shouldn't be compared. So what did he
do there is he drew him away from the doing and
right back into the relationship because he said,
come follow me. In the being. Yeah, he just drew
him back into relationship and and that has to
be where my mind goes when I start feeling the
Effects of the accuser in my life saying Scott
you're not enough. You'll never be enough You're
way behind you're too far behind you can never
catch up and on and on it goes I have to push
pause, and I have to remember that he wants me
to just be drawn into a relationship with him.
None of that other stuff matters, not in the
grand scheme of things, not in eternity. Right,
and again, thinking celestial. And are we, you
know, we can just ask, are we, am I turning toward
him? Yeah. Am I yielding when I'm corrected?
Am I still following him? You know, in Doctrine
and Covenants 1, 21, 7, and 8, it says, My son,
peace be unto thy soul. Thine adversity and thine
affliction shall be but a small moment. Now I'd
like to really define sometimes when I pray,
I'm like, How long is small moment? I know God's
timing is different than mine. I'm sure Joseph
Smith would have liked to have asked that question
in Liberty Jail from whence that prayer was said
as well. Yes, and then in verse eight he says,
and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt
thee on high. Thou shalt triumph over all thy
foes. And you know, that really brings me hope.
Because I just think, our adversities, I always
say we're only here for a hundred short years.
A hundred, huh? At the most. I mean, some of
us don't get to a hundred. Yeah. But, you know,
I just think about the older I get, the less
it feels, the less a hundred years feels, but
it's... Closer you get to a hundred. Yeah, I
know. The closer I get to a hundred, the younger
it feels, I should say. But it's just such a
moment in time. And I remember as a primary kid,
you know, pulling the string all the way around
the room and putting a little dot. This is your
time here on earth and this is eternity in a
tiny perspective. And I, you know, I didn't understand
it then, but as I grow older and I understand
a little more fully, and I really truly don't
understand completely, but we are here for a
short time. And I love the advice again from
president Nelson that says, just think celestial.
In the long run, is this really going to matter?
In the eternities, is this really going to matter
that I didn't have a title or that I didn't have
this thing in my whatever in my life? And I think
that's an important thing for me to remember.
The only thing that matters is our relationship
with him. One hundred percent. That's it. That's
it. And the only and the only one that can really
see that relationship with him. Truly, truly,
the only mortal that can see that relationship
truly is me. I'm the only one that can truly
see my relationship with him, and maybe that's
all that should matter. Not maybe, that's all
that should matter. You know, maybe we're not
behind. Maybe we haven't missed blessings because
of choices we've made. Maybe our blessings just
change. I believe that. I believe that through
the atonement of Jesus Christ that every inequality,
everything that has been made wrong will be and
can be made right through His atonement. And
I know that that's true. But I have to align
with it in order for my in order for me to receive
the blessings that can come from that Even in
this life, so, you know, I'm not rushed All of
my efforts are not wasted This is just a small
dot in eternity as you just mentioned. Maybe
I'm not behind maybe I'm just being formed and
you know, maybe any kind of formation that I'm
going through or need to go through maybe that's
not gonna happen in just twinkling of an eye.
And I need to remember that. Yeah. Well, and
I can also testify that, you know, God is the
creator of all things and creating the heavens
and the earths. And when I have created mess
in my life, and it's easier for me to look back.
and see how he has perfected and how he has made
those wrongs right, how he has blessed my life.
You know, my goal when I was sitting in Young
Women's, which I'm in Young Women's now, but
when I was a young girl sitting in Young Women's,
my goal was not to get married and divorced.
That was not the ultimate plan. But today, as
I sit here and I can say I'm in a second marriage,
we blended a family. I get overwhelmed with the
abundance of love and blessings that we have
received because of our eternal marriage, because
of my covenants and your covenants, I can testify
that that is true, that he makes those wrongs
right, that he blesses our efforts, he blesses
what we do. I wish I could have that much faith
and I'm exercising my faith muscle to know that
he has me right now and my future because it
feels uncertain today. But I'm so grateful that
I have that past knowledge to know and to say
I really do trust him. I know he has me. And
that's what it comes down to. My relationship.
That's exactly right. We can't trust. If we don't
trust, we don't know him. If we know him, we
trust him. And may that be our quest this week.
I just hope that for those of us who sometimes
and I'm sure that that's most of us who sometimes
feel like we're just not quite doing it. We're
just not quite on top of it. We're just a little
bit behind. We're just not meeting the measure
of our creations, so to speak. I hope that we'll
just pause and put our relationship in him. And,
you know, when we're tempted like Peter to ask
him What about what about that guy? You know,
maybe we can just respond to the answer back
to us is The the mission I have for you is different
And it's still an important mission and it's
still a loving and a beautiful and a redeemed
Mission through the blood and the atonement of
Jesus Christ Thanks for being with us everybody
we look forward to being with you again next
week and until then be well