Hey everybody, you know what, yesterday in church
I had this kind of weird realization that I really
didn't expect to be getting, especially maybe
at church. I've been giving everybody else my
attention except the one who can... actually
heal me, Deb. You know, someone once told me
that the cross, you know, and that's what happened
to me is during the sacrament, I'm thinking of
the events of the atonement of Jesus Christ and
for whatever reason, often my focus will go to
the cross because that's, you know, where we
hear people like Elder Holland and others have
said that on the cross, Jesus suffered even intensified,
right? For whatever reason. But when I was thinking
about that, I thought back to, was it last year
or the year before, but around Easter time, in
Come Follow Me, I was listening to a podcast.
And somebody was talking about the cross. And
again, I have an affinity to that part of the
events of the atonement I even wear a cross.
And as I was thinking about this, I was thinking
about what this guy said in the podcast. In the
podcast, he said something along the lines of
this. You know, there's two parts to a cross.
There's a pole, which is vertical, and there's
a beam, which is horizontal. And that pole and
beam can be representative of my relationships
and how I'm doing. And so what I realized Yeah,
yeah, yeah, so what I realized in church yesterday
when I was partaking of the sacrament My life's
been a little bit too horizontal I've been a
little too focused on things around me. I've
been a little too much in the outcome business.
I've been a little too involved in the performance,
and I even catch myself in checkbox mentality.
Yeah, but I've really done that, you know, over
the last little while. So, you know, this time
of year, it kind of brings a lot of emotion.
Every emotion imaginable, joy for some, heartbreak
for others, pressure. expectations, family dynamics,
memories. But the way to access Christ's Atonement
isn't by tightening our grip, it's by turning
towards Him, right? I'm so worried about tightening
my grip as I look horizontally that I forget
just to turn towards Him and deepen my relationship
or even re -engage in my relationship with Him.
So, today. As we open season five, here we are,
season five, episode one. We just want to talk
about strengthening the vertical, not through
performance, not through performance. And when
I say vertical, you know what I mean by that,
right? We want to strengthen our relationship
with deity. Take maybe a little less focus off
of what's going on around us and just put all
of our focus on Him. Elder President Nelson,
you remember he, in one of his talks, he said,
Jesus Christ is the answer to everything. Everything,
there's that word again. So again, as we open
up season five, we just wanna talk about strengthening
the vertical, not through performance, but through
relationship, because that's where the healing
flows, Deb. Yeah, and I think as we just finish
up. Thanksgiving and move into Christmas this
is a perfect segue for all of us to reflect on
because it's man it's making me think. you know,
we're just finishing up a Black Friday and there's
a lot of noise and a lot of cells and a lot of
things are missing out if you don't hurry because
their clock is ticking. That's a very horizontal
move for me and you know, there's just so much
going on and I, you know, we had, we have our
Thanksgiving, the Sunday after Thanksgiving for
mine, our family. And so all of our kids and
grandkids come that can. and we happened to celebrate
that yesterday and you know those relationships
are so precious to me. I just thought you could
you know we squish in this house and we put up
tables and move out couches so that we can get
everybody a seat at the table and after we you
know and we had our parents here and after we
ate and reflecting on the pure gratitude you
know it's just that's where that's where That's
where I feel is that where I'm so abundant. That's
where I feel So abundant and it's it is that
relationship and I would not have these Relationships
with my family with you with our kids with our
grandkids Had it not been for my relationship
with Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
I'm so grateful. I know that today it's especially
again during the holidays it gets it gets super
loud and distracting and you know it's It's part
of the holiday. My sister calls it the Christmas
crazies. Christmas crazies, yeah. Well, you know,
we can kind of call it the tug of the horizontal
life, right, I guess, if you want to as well,
especially around Christmas. And you just mentioned
some things, you know, family and, you know,
those kinds of things. And sometimes that can
get a little muddy for me. You know, is that
is that horizontal or is that vertical? And I
know because of my covenant relationship, it's
obviously vertical. But if I focus too much on
even that and sometimes that can really be a
distraction for me if I'm trying to fix this
kid or help that kid or, you know, and I think
decision for that kid. Oh, that doesn't happen
very often. But I wish it did. But it doesn't
happen very often. But the wish is there. You
know what? Exactly. And I think that that's part.
of my horizontal life, expectations, pressures,
just all kinds of the noise of work and busyness,
stuff like that. As I'm thinking back over the
last couple of weeks, I have a couple of relationships
in recovery. And there's a couple of people that
I'm working with who have a little less time
and maybe a little more fragile. I hate to say
it that way, but maybe a little more fragile
in terms of their sobriety and so forth. And
there's been a lot of worry on my part. You know,
I've gone vertical. I mean, I've gone horizontal.
I've tried to fix it. I've tried to give solution.
I've tried to be in their solution. And that's
not my business. My business is to direct them
into a relationship that's also vertical into
a relationship with their higher power, into
a relationship with deity as the same that we're
talking about here. And I think that sometimes
we can really trick ourselves as we're, when
I say that, when I say we can really trick ourselves,
what I mean by that is I can really trick myself,
I don't know about the rest of the world, but
I can really trick myself into believing that
I'm doing good and I'm all aligned with Jesus
and all this other stuff. helping other people
get their stuff together. And it's not always
the case. And it's left me a little bit untethered,
Deb, which is unsettling. I'm better today. But
you know, as I sat there and was partaking of
the sacrament, I'm so grateful for the sacrament.
I'm so grateful to have that opportunity of renewal.
And I engaged in renewal this Sunday as I thought
this through. Yeah, I love that too. It is a
sacred time for me too. We sit on the second
row in our chapel and it's a good thing that
not very many people see us because we 98 % of
the time weep during those sacramental hymns
because they're so dear to us and because we've
studied the atonement for so many years, it's
just such a tender little mercy for us. I don't
take that for granted. I mean, there's been times
in my life that I was not worthy to partake of
that sacred emblem and I don't take that for
granted today. I'm grateful when I hear, you
know, I often say that the chapel is an ordinance
room where we renew those sacred ordinances,
even our primary kids renewing their baptismal
covenants, such a sacred, sacred opportunity
that I, for one, have in the past taken for granted.
And my wish and desire now is that I don't, that
I intentionally show up, prepare, even 24 hours
before, and prepare to partake of those sacred
emblems because it is so dear to me, to have
the words in the song bruised, broken, torn.
I mean, the things that he went through for every
one of us that walk this planet. And he would
have done it if it were just me. And I am grateful
I know that today, too, because I haven't always
believed that. And he did it for us, whether
or not we align with it, too. Well, you know,
so as I'm sitting there and as I'm having this
experience and as you mentioned, every time,
I begin to worship on Sunday morning when I get
up. Right. I mean, you turn on the music in the
house. I really do. I set that intention and
I try to be prayerful the moment I get up. And
I just really try to. That's my day that just
focusing on him is so important. And I'm glad
that I've made that an important part of my life,
because had I have not done that, maybe I'd still
be in this lost and horizontal state. Right.
Where I'm so worried. We're in a very horizontal.
Well, and that seems to be where the focus is
all the time. It's just horizontally, it's very
difficult sometimes. But anyways, as we're sitting
there and we're in that worship hymn, I don't
even remember the hymn that we sang this past
week, you probably don't either, but it doesn't
matter because every time we do that, it's a
remembering for me of somebody who I've come
to know dearly and deeply, and that's my Savior
Jesus Christ. And then as I contemplate the thing,
that he did for me to offset the fallen Scott
and I've been fallen again lately we all are
I'm not apologizing I'm not embarrassed it's
just part of the human experience and I understand
that but as I'm sitting there and as I'm having
this opportunity it occurs to me that you know
I there's a couple of scriptures that actually
occurred to me and I just turned to him while
I was sitting there and here's one of them this
is in John chapter 15 So as I'm sitting there
partaking of the sacrament and I'm having this
horizontal versus vertical experience or debate
or sort of battle within me, this scripture comes
to mind. This is John chapter 15 verse four.
Abide in me and I in you. As a branch cannot
bear fruit itself except it abide in me in the
vine. No more can ye except ye abide in me. Am
the mine you are the branches he that imbideth
in me abideth in me and I and him the same bringeth
forth much fruit and without me you can do nothing
and without me You can do nothing You know, I'm
so focused on my own performance I'm so focused
and I'm not really but I lose focus of the the
horizontal, the vertical, and my focus just defaults
because of the fall. My focus just defaults to
things that are horizontal, those relationships
there. You know, there was an activity that I
do when I'm doing rapid eye therapy or having
it done or performing it for other clients, and
it's patterns, things that we do. things that
we want our lives to be different. We keep doing
the same thing over and over and expecting different
results. And this is what they use as a pattern
interrupt. And they talk about, and I love this
because it's a good reminder for this very thing,
that if I could just have this certain thing,
then I could do this better and then I could
be the person I want to be and be connected to
Heavenly Father and my relationship with Jesus
would be a lot stronger. Have, do, be. Yes. And
in this process, I literally have people stand
on, what is the story that we're telling ourselves?
What do we need to have? And how does that make
us feel? And what do we do about that? And then
how does that become your being? Well, what we
forget, and especially those of us that have
been around infants. that when an infant comes
onto this planet, that is just a perfect being.
That being does nothing. They cry, they eat,
and they pee and poop. That's about it and sleep
a lot. But they bring such a presence of heaven
with them. that if any of you have ever held
a brand new baby, you know what that piece feels
like. And you know that they're just straight
from an angelic little place, big place, not
little. And, you know, I think we forget as we
get a little bit older who we really are as beings,
which is that, you know, vertical connection.
then we start becoming human doings and we start
doing things that be that flip is horizontal
and in this pattern interrupt we step out of
that circle step out of that cycle and start
with the B who are we who am I who whose am I
yeah why am I here and when I can touch and when
I can connect to who and whose I am then the
doings and the haves all orchestrate in God's
great work then I get out of the way and I think
that's that's such a powerful tool for me to
start in the being just remember who and whose
I am Remember that connection, just like you
said, that vertical connection. Yeah, I agree
with all of that. And it really requires me to
understand. who and whose I am in order for that
relationship or that relational activity to even
have any sway in my life, right? Because for
example, you know, if I am just focused on the
vertical, I mean, excuse, I keep getting them
mixed up, but if I'm just focused on what's the
side of me, side to side, just around me, if
I'm just focused on that, you know, some people
can say, well, I'm just being, I'm just being
in it. And that's not what you're talking about.
talking about is being who in, who and in whose
we are. Because once we understand and have that
remembering of who and whose we are, then it's
much easier for us to get into that. posture
of being better connected to Him. You know, step
two in Alcoholics Anonymous, came to believe
that a power greater than ourselves could restore
us to sanity, which relates then to step 11,
sought through prayer and meditation to improve
our conscious contact with God. And so, you know,
that's kind of it. I mentioned the one scripture.
There was another scripture that I kind of had
that experience with, and it's one that you and
I talk about a lot. This is in Doctrine and Covenants
chapter, not chapter, they are sections in the
Doctrine and Covenants still. They haven't changed
that yet, sweetheart. So don't you try to change
it. I don't think I will. But this is the scripture,
Doctrine and Covenants, section six, and I'm
gonna just read the verses 36 and 37, and I'll
tell you why. 36, look unto me in every thought,
doubt not, fear not. Now that's the answer. That's
the answer to, you know, when I think of my fallen
world, doubt and fear, the two main culprits
of potentially all of my problems, doubt and
fear. You know, I doubt who I am. I doubt whose
I am. I'm afraid of, you know, the alternatives,
et cetera. And then here's 37, and this is the
key. This is the key and this is where for me
on this past Sunday the atonement of Jesus Christ
became more available to me than it had been
in the days and hours leading up to it because
I did this Behold the wounds which pierced my
side and also the prints of the nails in my hands
and feet Be faithful keep my commandments and
you shall inherit the kingdom of heaven Now I
know what that means that to inherit the kingdom
of heaven I know that that means one final judgment
comes But I'd like to inherit the kingdom of
heaven a little bit at a time And I think I do
I think I inherit the kingdom of heaven a little
tiny bit at a time When I look unto him and I
try to do it in every thought and I can't do
it in every thought but I can do it every day
Yeah, and and I can do it multiple times a day
and I do and I have for a very long time, and
it has made all the difference for me even when
I get a little out of whack and get a little
too horizontal, it helps me get back to being
vertical pretty quick. I love that. It reminds
me of President Nielsen's talk on having confidence
in the presence of the Lord with charity and
virtue. I think about that often. Having charity
and virtue. Yeah, and you know, I'm going back
to the sacrament again, but as as we reflect
on What that emblem, you know that little piece
of bread because it's blessed and sanctified
to every soul that partakes of it and If we think
about we're ingesting internally ingesting the
body of the Savior of Jesus I mean the Savior
Jesus Christ the representation that representation
to to internal, like, you think about all the
senses, I mean, well, let's just do physical,
mental, emotionally and spiritually, you know,
to be able to have that tangible experience to
ingest and then drink of the little cup of water
that represents the blood that was paid, purchased,
that purchased me. I just, you know, I always
go back to the sacrament because it's so impactful
to me. I think that that's where the turning
begins, right? And again, Deb, that's one of
the reasons why the sacrament is so sacred. I
think to both of us is before that very reason.
So, you know, what what is what is turning vertical
look like, Deb? You know, how do we stay focused?
I mean, we talked about taking the perspective.
the sacrament, but there you talked about having
charity and virtue, you know, definitely, definitely
a relationship type of activity, right? You know,
and that's the important part, you know, in order
for us to go to have this vertical or this up
and down relationship between us and deity. It's
really about a relationship. It's really about
its relational, not transactional. We've heard
all of the almost all of the general all of the
apostles and prophets. talk about that in recent
years, it's relational. So how do we engage in
this? How do you do it? First and foremost, I
think it's important to remember because this
is one thing I did forget. In my mess and when
I felt so unworthy, I did not feel worthy enough
to talk to him or to even praise. He doesn't
want to hear from me because I've been so rotten.
Um, and I think, I think more than anything,
you know, a few weeks ago, Nick, Nick mentioned
Jesus likes to get his hands dirty and, and,
and messy and he meets us in our mess. And I
think as we sincerely just get gut level honest,
just say, how many father, this is really hard
for me. And this sucks. You can edit that word
if you want, but it does. I mean, there's just
days that it is. There are days that life is
just hard and messy and it's like, I don't care
about vertical right now. I'm in survival mode
and this is hard. This is really hard financially.
I cannot fend for my family. I cannot put food
on my table on the table for my kids. It sucks
when you're going through health issues and you
cannot have, you don't have the strength to even
get out of your bed. And you just say, this is
so hard. And I think it gets to that point where
you just have to be in that big dark hole like
I was once. And I just said, God, this problem
is bigger than me. Help me, lift me, because
you're the only one with the answer to get me
out of this mess. And I think it's that crying
out. It really is. It is that crying out and
just getting on is because he knows of every
single human that walks this planet. He knows
how we feel. He knows exactly how we feel and
even more so. Yeah, and and what you just described
is really difficult because that that requires
a deep deep level of honesty Yeah, you know it's
even hard sometimes for me I don't I can't speak
for the rest of the world But for me it's even
hard for me sometimes to bring my broken self
to him because I'm embarrassed by it Or whatever
and I'm not and I'm not saying that you should
be embarrassed by any of those things But but
for whatever reason I'm resistant where where
it that's the death kind of fall away because
he already understands, right? And he's already
there waiting for me. And so I think just being
honest, not only just honest with him, but honest
with myself, that I can't, you know, we say it
in AA all the time, I can't, I know he can, I'm
just gonna let him. You know one time we were
at girls camp and I had gotten thrown into a
situation where I had to do a really fast activity
with the young women because plans had changed
and they had to take one girl to the hospital
and I remember going into the woods and pleading
and I said Heavenly Father lead me and guide
me and I remember coming back and I just said
This is what only father wants us to do right
now and I gave everybody a piece of paper and
a pencil And if you guys want to do this at home,
I encourage you to But I gave him a piece of
paper and I said I want you to write on that
piece of paper what you don't want anyone to
know about you What I don't want you to know
about me is and you write it out on that piece
of paper and we were all sitting around a campfire
and I said now I want you to look into that fire
and I want you to think about the love of the
Savior. And I want you to think about His light.
And I want you to think about His blood that
dripped for you. And I want you to think about
the pain and the anguish that He suffered for
you in Gethsemane. He is the light. And then
we sang. We sang, I feel my Savior's love, as
we watched that fire. And I said, now you hold
on to that piece of paper, crumple it up. You
don't have to show anyone. And I said, I want
you to give it to the Savior. I want you to let
Him have that. Get honest with Him. Open your
heart to Him. Pray to Heavenly Father and ask
Him in the name of Jesus Christ that He can remove
this pain and anguish from you. And I can tell
you from me doing that and watching these young
women and leaders do that, that was a very impactful
Fire that night. Yeah, I bet it was just to feel
the Savior's love and know that he knows he knows
how I feel And that's that's really what it is
Deb. Yeah, it's really just about having a relationship
with him Every problem I have, every little churning
inside of me, every worry, every time I notice
that I'm out of whack or off the beam, so to
speak, or whatever, if I just turn to him a little
more, and turning to him a little more doesn't
mean I'm performing better. Maybe my performance
does level up, but it only levels up as a result
of my commitment and love for him. But that's
it, you know? And so, you know, I think as we
kind of just wrap things up today, our core message,
I think, from what we really want us to understand
here today is we don't achieve Him. Jesus is
not our achievement. We receive Him. We receive
him and we're going to talk about receiving him
throughout the entirety of this season five.
The vertical restores perspective. It's important
for us to understand that the vertical relationship
and our vertical relationships with deity are
so much more important and paramount to anything
horizontal that we've got going on in our lives.
For me and for those listening. I just want to
encourage us all to Push pause in this busy season
you be still and Be intentional on our relationships
our Relationships with Heavenly Father, you know
I I often will get up early and go sit in my
room to read and have scripture study And there's
days I miss and I feel it I feel the void. It's
like I need him with me. And I would just encourage
all of us, me included, to just be still, push
pause, and just recognize him, just remember
him, to doubt not, fear not, just seek him in
every, you know, another... thing in the sacramental
prayers that I love is that they may always have
His Spirit to be with them. That is something
I yearn for. I want His Spirit to be with me
always. It's not an easy feat, but I truly, sincerely
want His Spirit to always be with me. And I pray
for that, and I do things that are very fallen,
that discourage, you know, distract me. and discourage
me sometimes but it's okay I can still I can
still turn my back on you know whatever it is
that's distracting me and and come to him and
I'm grateful I know that today and I hope that
all of you that are listening can feel that and
know that as well So much relief in knowing he's
already reaching out to us right now. Remember
what Elder Kieran said, he is in pursuit of you.
Relentless pursuit. Oh, yeah, relentless pursuit
of you already. Thank you for being with us,
friends. We love you and we're grateful for you.
We wouldn't do this if it weren't for you. So
thank you for keeping us honest and keeping us
vertical and willing. And we just look forward
to the very next time we get together again when
you push play on the next episode. Have a great
week everybody. We'll see you next time.