WEBVTT

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Hey there everybody, it's Scott before we get

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to rolling with today's episode. I just wanted

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to pause for a second You know it's been a few

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weeks since we released last between personal

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technical issues surgeries help things going

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on family stuff going on and Million other things

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work etc. We just needed a little bit of extra

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time You know, like many of you, though, our

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hearts have been tender with all that's been

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happening lately from, you know, the passing

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of our beloved prophet to the heartbreaking tragedy

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in Detroit to the wonderful. elation that we've

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felt as we worshiped over conference weekend.

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You know, as we've reflected on these events,

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we've really been impressed to reshare a conversation

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that means a great deal to us. This is an interview

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from season one originally released in July of

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2022 done by myself and David, my original partner

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in this project. This was with our friend Nate

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Moller. This is a powerful, powerful reminder

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of how the atonement of Jesus Christ can lift

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us and strengthen us through some of the most

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difficult and some of the most uncertain times

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in our lives. We hope that this brings you the

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same peace and encouragement that it brings us

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and that it has brought so many others already.

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Thank you for your faith. Thank you for your

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prayers and your patience. We'll be back with

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new episodes very soon. Until then, enjoy the

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episode. So I'm going to have Dave go ahead and

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introduce Nate. Nate Moeller will be our guest

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today. So I'm going to go ahead and turn the

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time to Dave, let him take it from there for

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just a few minutes. Well Nathan and I met in

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an institute class. Nathan, how long ago has

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that been? I was thinking about that just yesterday.

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I think it's been about 12 years. 12 years ago.

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It's been a minute. Yeah, it was pretty early

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when I had just, I think it had only been a year

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or two that I had designed the course on repentance

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and forgiveness. And you saw the course on a

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class offering of Utah Valley University Institute

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of Religion. and came into the class, we met,

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I don't know, there was a feeling, I know on

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my part, towards you immediately, and we developed

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this relationship. I think you actually took

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the course, how many times? It was so fun that

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you took it multiple times, two or three? I don't

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remember. I just know that that first time I

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took Institute I walked into one class and I

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just didn't I just wasn't feeling it and then

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I went to another class and it was yours and

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then I just Followed you around and took all

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your classes. I don't I don't know but that was

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that was a And some of your classes were repeats

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and I was old enough at that point that I don't

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even think I was allowed to be an Institute but

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you let me keep coming so Well, it was a lot

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So anyway, you took you took some courses and

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and I remember you I still remember I have a

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vision of of you sitting in the class absorbing

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all this and after a class Or two you you kind

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of helped me teach some of these principles Nathan

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to other students that were in the class I remember

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you were you were more than willing Let's see,

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how old were you when you took that course? Probably,

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well, 27, 28, 29 in there. Yeah, you were a little

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older than the other Utah Valley students, I

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remember. And your experiences, I recall, were

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a great blessing. extreme blessing to those who

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were in the class. I just kind of saw you as

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helping me to co -teach that class. You had had

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those experiences. You had related to it. You

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had applied the principles the first time that

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you took the course. Anyway, you were awesome

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the first time you took the course. Your life

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was already pretty well established, and you

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were well on your way to full conversion, but

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I think there were things that happened in the

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class that helped to strengthen that, weren't

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there? Yeah, I had a lot of questions still during

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that class. I think the first time I took it,

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we were only a year out from going to the temple

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the first time, my wife and I. And I still had

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a lot of questions about the repentance process

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that I had gone through. I had been in a disciplinary

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council and all of those things. And so I had

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a lot of questions still about how it worked

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and if I really was worthy to be where I was.

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And that class just helped connect a lot of dots

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and helped me to understand things a lot more

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thoroughly. I think that ultimately was a lot

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of what I was looking for was why I went to institute

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in the first place just because I had you know,

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the information. I had the gospel, but I just

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didn't have enough understanding to go along

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with it, so it definitely helped for sure. Yeah,

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well, anyway, and we've had a sweet relationship

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and friendship ever since. Nate, why don't you

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just kind of help us to introduce you by telling

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us about your situation. You're married with

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six children. This is your second marriage, right?

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Yep. Yep. This is my second marriage. My two

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oldest kids are from my first marriage. Okay.

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Tell us, just tell us a little bit about your

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family. Let's see. My wife and I, we've been

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married. We just celebrated 13 years, which isn't

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a lot, but It feels like a lot. I've known her

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since I was nine and she was two. That's a whole

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story in and of itself. My oldest daughter will

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be, well, she's 19. She'll be 20 in November.

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We have a 17 -year -old, a 14 -year -old, 12

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-year -old, 10 -year -old, and an eight -year

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-old. My wife and I are both teachers. We love

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it. We live in Spanish Fork. That's in Utah and

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we just I don't know. We just we just love it

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our family and our life It's just it's awesome.

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So how how long did your first marriage last

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nathan? Uh Let's see About it last it lasted

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five years four years. I mean We got separated

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after four years. I think it was and then Our

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divorce wasn't final Until two years after that

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so on paper. It was six years, but Well, I I

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know that We've talked a little bit about that

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in the past I remember and some of the lessons

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that you learned from that and Maybe just a little

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bit so our listeners can understand and appreciate

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this part of your life Nathan is that your extended

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family is I know really important to you And

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just tell us a little bit about your parents

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and the situation there that has had such a tremendous

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impact on your life. Well, I think, first off,

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like my parents, my birth parents, my mom, my

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dad, when they got married, like my mom was 16

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when I was born and my dad was 18, 19. So my

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parents were really young and they did the best

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that they could, but they got divorced when I

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was in third grade. And then my mom got remarried

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and then divorced again and then remarried one

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last time. So my dad was always kind of there,

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but he worked a lot and was single for most of

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those teenage years for me. When my mom married

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my my latest and last well, she's married again,

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but When she married his name is Cory when she

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married Cory, I was 12 and she was married to

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him until I was 30 and then he he died he was

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killed but That was that it was honestly it was

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rough because him and I actually didn't get along

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until after he died now I feel like I'm closer

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to him now more than I ever was during in life.

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So He was my dad, but I didn't realize how much

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of a dad he was to me until he died. Nate, we're

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going to talk about that too. We're going to

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have you, not at this point, but at any point,

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we're going to have you talk about that experience

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with your dad, Corey, and the situation there.

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You know, there's been just an awful lot so far

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that you've talked about, you know, your family.

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Everything seems like it was pretty standard,

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Nate. you know, except for a few divorces. I

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mean, you know, but that's not all that uncommon

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in today's world, right? My kids have gone through

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those experiences and you've gone through those

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experiences as a kid. Dave's had the experience

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from being able to counsel with and see a lot

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of this because of his leadership positions and

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so forth in the church. which gives him a great

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perspective on that front. But you know, from

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a third grade kid, how old are you in third grade?

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Eight, nine, somewhere in that neighborhood to

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have parents going through what they must have

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been going through that had to create some kind

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of feelings of confusion, maybe fear, maybe,

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I don't know. How would you describe that at

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that time? Well, so back then, I mean everything

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seemed normal and I remember thinking I knew

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that there were problems, but I didn't really

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know what they were But you start to get this

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sense of like, okay, it's mom versus dad I have

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to like mom over dad or I have to like dad over

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mom and I don't know if my parents I mean, I

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don't think they would intentionally play us

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against each other or play us against one another

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but That's what it was like and I was the oldest

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I'm still the oldest and I had two younger siblings

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and So my parents, you know, though it seemed

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normal my parents were always at work So I was

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often alone taking care of my siblings Like I

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said, they did the best that they could but It

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was rough. Like I I don't know. I just kind of

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had the sense that I was like another parent

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like I was just a babysitter so My parents wouldn't

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get home till late. They would be in bed early

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in the morning or go to work early in the morning

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and I'd get my siblings up and send them to school.

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And most of the time, at least that's how I remembered

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it. So I remember being home in the summertime

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with my siblings. We'd leave my little brother

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home or my little brother would go to a sitter

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and my middle brother, he's just a few years

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younger than I, we would... walk to the Provo

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pool and just be there all day long. That's just

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where we lived. I'm sure to a lot of people,

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it just looked like we didn't have parents, but

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it was hard, but it led to a lot of frustration.

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It led to a lot of anger for me. I used to take

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it out on my siblings. Yeah, tell me tell me

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about the frustration talk to me about the frustration

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and the anger maybe And and how that carried

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into not just so at eight and nine I mean you're

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getting some of this going on Things couldn't

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have been perfect prior to that or mom and dad

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wouldn't have got a divorce in the first place

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and there may have been Some confusion that you

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weren't even able to articulate at that young

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age, perhaps But as things progressed for you

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in your life and you moved from, you know, pre

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adolescent to adolescent to your pre teens to

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your teenage years, even into high school and

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your early adulthood, kind of just give us an

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overview of what it was like for you and emphasize

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those things that really led to your wandering

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away from anything that was like the atonement

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of Jesus Christ, for example. Well, my parents

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were part of the church before they divorced

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I remember getting baptized And so up until that

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point I was part of the church after my parents

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divorced My mom was remarried. So Nate, let me

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pause you right there. When you say I was part

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of the church at eight, what does that look like?

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By record only? Or were you participating and

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going to primary and Sunday school and activities

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and all those things? What was that like? Yeah,

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I remember I remember going I remember being

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there I remember Young well, I would say young

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men young women leaders, but that wasn't what

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they were yet, right? They were primary leaders

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Bringing me I still have a I have a book that

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one of my primary leaders wrote in when I got

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baptized so like I there was enough of Participation

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that they were trying but now that I'm you know

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in the church, you know strongly now Maybe it

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maybe we were less active. I don't know because

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I remember getting extra attention from them

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Which usually means they're trying to get us

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to come back. So I don't remember for sure, right?

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but you do know you did grow up having some familiarity

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with the workings with even the The culture and

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even the spirit around all of it. It sounds like

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yeah So it sounds like that you weren't just

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left Wander. Yeah, just left to wander spiritually

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even at that young age. There was some direction

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obviously probably very confused because it was

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meeting against a home front that was incongruent

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with all of that. And so what was happening inside

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of you when this was all going on? So after they

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got divorced, it was just more of like, well,

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we don't go to church anymore. That was just

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kind of the expectation. I had friends that went

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and so I would go and hang out. I remember being

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in Scouts, but it wasn't. We didn't go to church.

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My dad didn't go to church so that wasn't pushed.

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So at the time of the divorce, my time without

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the church kind of began because we weren't a

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part of it. Right. But I will say one of my earliest

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memories is actually being in primary. And I

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remember I was a sunbeam. And I remember singing,

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I am a child of God. And I didn't really understand

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the impact of that. But having that song in my

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mind throughout those years, and even knowing

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at some point somewhere I am a child of God,

00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:52.399
that was a big... It focused me a lot. It helped

00:15:52.399 --> 00:15:55.620
me to at least have some kind of semblance of

00:15:55.620 --> 00:15:59.279
something. I didn't understand it until later,

00:15:59.460 --> 00:16:03.000
but that helped a ton. But my whole teenage years,

00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:05.919
we didn't have any of that. My mom, the guy she

00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:11.149
married... He he drank a lot and for and I know

00:16:11.149 --> 00:16:12.870
I'm not I don't want to like my mom did her best

00:16:12.870 --> 00:16:15.029
Like I said, I'm not trying to badmouth her or

00:16:15.029 --> 00:16:17.029
anything. But in that in that marriage, I mean

00:16:17.029 --> 00:16:20.830
it was two years Roughly, you know, we would

00:16:20.830 --> 00:16:24.269
my brothers and I would get beat by him My you

00:16:24.269 --> 00:16:26.769
know, my mom was getting abused by him as well

00:16:26.769 --> 00:16:29.649
And that's really where my anger and start and

00:16:29.649 --> 00:16:32.009
everything really started was I mean I had siblings

00:16:32.009 --> 00:16:34.230
always following me around But then after I was

00:16:34.230 --> 00:16:38.269
getting beat That would turn up a me showing

00:16:38.269 --> 00:16:40.470
anger and frustration at school and even more

00:16:40.470 --> 00:16:43.230
so to my brothers in my neighborhood Things like

00:16:43.230 --> 00:16:47.129
that. I was I was a rough kid Those early years

00:16:47.129 --> 00:16:49.850
in school fourth fifth sixth grade. I remember

00:16:49.850 --> 00:16:52.950
I I taped a needle like a sewing needle to my

00:16:52.950 --> 00:16:56.629
teacher's chair Which to me as a teacher now

00:16:56.629 --> 00:16:59.529
to call that's a scream for help, you know, but

00:16:59.529 --> 00:17:03.190
I I was Was I was screaming for help, but I didn't

00:17:03.190 --> 00:17:04.670
know it and I don't know if anybody else knew

00:17:04.670 --> 00:17:07.250
I was rough I was a rough kid because of that

00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:10.900
So as you were experiencing all of this, and

00:17:10.900 --> 00:17:13.140
so far we're still in elementary school, it sounds

00:17:13.140 --> 00:17:15.500
like, as you experience all of this and you move

00:17:15.500 --> 00:17:18.200
into your adolescent years, you know, we go through

00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:21.259
changes in our body, we go through changes in

00:17:21.259 --> 00:17:26.119
our association with other people, etc. How were

00:17:26.119 --> 00:17:28.539
these things beginning to, and when I say these

00:17:28.539 --> 00:17:30.720
things, what I'm referring to specifically is

00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:34.240
how did the dark things in your life, how were

00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:37.579
they becoming more and more prevalent? were they

00:17:37.579 --> 00:17:40.339
becoming more and more prevalent? Were you at

00:17:40.339 --> 00:17:43.660
some point beginning to find ways to kind of

00:17:43.660 --> 00:17:45.640
cope with the feelings that you were having?

00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:48.200
And if so, what were the ways that you were doing

00:17:48.200 --> 00:17:50.500
that? How were you coping with the confusion,

00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:55.500
the anger, the fear, the absolute? To be abused

00:17:55.500 --> 00:17:58.269
and to... be watching your mom or knowing that

00:17:58.269 --> 00:18:00.910
your mom's being abused. That's just something

00:18:00.910 --> 00:18:03.549
nobody should ever have to go through. But you

00:18:03.549 --> 00:18:06.930
nonetheless did. And so how was that? I mean,

00:18:07.130 --> 00:18:09.769
what were some of the ways that your frustration,

00:18:10.109 --> 00:18:13.109
your anxiety, all of the other adjectives that

00:18:13.109 --> 00:18:15.809
I could use and none of them would be adequate.

00:18:16.069 --> 00:18:19.369
I get it. But how were all of those things beginning

00:18:19.369 --> 00:18:27.779
to manifest themselves? Really I I Didn't know

00:18:27.779 --> 00:18:31.700
how I just acted out. I got in fights at school.

00:18:31.700 --> 00:18:34.299
I would steal things I would I mean that went

00:18:34.299 --> 00:18:38.140
all the way up until I was a young adult. I mean,

00:18:38.140 --> 00:18:43.640
you know meaning in my 20s I Had no idea You

00:18:43.640 --> 00:18:46.599
know what I was doing. I just did things I had

00:18:46.599 --> 00:18:49.359
people around that were not good kids. Like I

00:18:49.359 --> 00:18:51.400
remember in elementary school I had a kid pull

00:18:51.400 --> 00:18:56.829
a gun on me in elementary school Yeah, yeah Because

00:18:56.829 --> 00:18:58.930
I was really mean to one of his friends So he

00:18:58.930 --> 00:19:00.890
brought a gun to school and put a gun to my head

00:19:00.890 --> 00:19:02.569
and said that if I wasn't nice to his friend

00:19:02.569 --> 00:19:05.789
He'd kill me. I don't know if my mom knows that

00:19:05.789 --> 00:19:11.150
but that happened just in Provo I just I mean

00:19:11.150 --> 00:19:13.549
it just shows like I just I just acted I just

00:19:13.549 --> 00:19:16.410
did whatever I wanted right and then to heck

00:19:16.410 --> 00:19:19.230
with what anybody thought or felt I just I just

00:19:19.230 --> 00:19:21.549
was what I was and that was that was the problem.

00:19:21.549 --> 00:19:24.170
I was lightning without a rod. I guess if you

00:19:24.170 --> 00:19:26.430
say like I just I wasn't focused. I just did

00:19:26.430 --> 00:19:28.809
whatever I wanted. Yeah, I like that analogy.

00:19:28.809 --> 00:19:30.690
You were you were how old when you got married

00:19:30.690 --> 00:19:35.950
nate? Uh, we got married. I was I was 20 or 19.

00:19:36.150 --> 00:19:39.950
Okay, so almost 20. Okay married married for

00:19:39.950 --> 00:19:44.829
a few years. Uh What was kind of the the depth

00:19:44.829 --> 00:19:47.549
of darkness that you experienced in those years?

00:19:48.929 --> 00:19:54.349
the depth of your darkness. How far... Honestly,

00:19:54.509 --> 00:19:57.569
the first thing that comes to mind is probably

00:19:57.569 --> 00:20:02.450
before my marriage, right around that, you know,

00:20:02.630 --> 00:20:05.410
mission -age time. You know, I... Because when

00:20:05.410 --> 00:20:09.150
my mom married Corey, I got to go back to church

00:20:09.150 --> 00:20:11.170
a little bit. And so when I got to that mission

00:20:11.170 --> 00:20:12.509
-age, there was always... there was a question.

00:20:12.569 --> 00:20:14.150
I remember a bishop asking, are you gonna go

00:20:14.150 --> 00:20:16.500
on a mission? I think the depths of everything

00:20:16.500 --> 00:20:19.839
really started when I made the choice of Do I

00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:22.000
want to go on a mission or do I want this girlfriend

00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:28.299
I have? and for Fear that she why knew she wouldn't

00:20:28.299 --> 00:20:31.559
wait for me and I guess for my lack of understanding

00:20:31.559 --> 00:20:35.599
I chose Her instead of a mission that being said,

00:20:35.660 --> 00:20:38.099
I'm so glad I have my children and I wouldn't

00:20:38.099 --> 00:20:40.980
I wouldn't give them up now But I chose, you

00:20:40.980 --> 00:20:44.970
know My children basically chose my girlfriend

00:20:44.970 --> 00:20:47.670
over a mission and then we got married so that

00:20:47.670 --> 00:20:50.970
really I think probably started a lot of things

00:20:50.970 --> 00:20:54.170
I Tried, you know, I remember when we got married.

00:20:54.170 --> 00:20:56.789
We tried to go to church and it just didn't work

00:20:56.789 --> 00:20:59.470
And so after about a year and a half we stopped

00:20:59.470 --> 00:21:03.250
going And then from there, that's where it really

00:21:03.250 --> 00:21:07.630
fell apart I had drank alcohol and and done a

00:21:07.630 --> 00:21:09.650
few drugs here and there throughout my teenage

00:21:09.650 --> 00:21:13.450
years And I didn't the first year and a half

00:21:13.450 --> 00:21:15.690
but after the first year and a half of my marriage

00:21:15.690 --> 00:21:18.630
It just didn't it just fell apart from there.

00:21:18.730 --> 00:21:22.710
I became I wasn't an alcoholic yet. I don't think

00:21:22.710 --> 00:21:26.230
but I drank a lot recreationally for fun, I guess

00:21:26.230 --> 00:21:30.589
she started doing that too and we just You know

00:21:30.589 --> 00:21:32.869
our marriage really just didn't have a focus

00:21:32.869 --> 00:21:35.410
We were just married and I guess maybe at that

00:21:35.410 --> 00:21:37.789
point the focus was we're married for our kids,

00:21:37.849 --> 00:21:40.029
you know Like there wasn't anything else to it

00:21:40.299 --> 00:21:44.359
So your life at that point really started to

00:21:44.359 --> 00:21:48.640
unravel and maybe even things in your past and

00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:52.059
maybe hers as well began to kind of be exposed.

00:21:53.220 --> 00:21:56.460
And so what was kind of your rock bottom and

00:21:56.460 --> 00:21:59.440
what got your attention to start coming back?

00:22:01.319 --> 00:22:06.059
Well, my rock bottom didn't really happen until

00:22:06.059 --> 00:22:11.289
we were separated. So I think that started me

00:22:11.289 --> 00:22:13.069
on the path to take me to rock bottom. So when

00:22:13.069 --> 00:22:17.990
we were separated You know, she left and we had

00:22:17.990 --> 00:22:20.470
bought a house and we were selling it and the

00:22:20.470 --> 00:22:23.529
kids were at my house I mean like she didn't

00:22:23.529 --> 00:22:25.789
have anywhere to go yet So she would come and

00:22:25.789 --> 00:22:27.589
sleep on the couch of that house and I would

00:22:27.589 --> 00:22:30.089
sleep upstairs until we sold it So I mean it

00:22:30.089 --> 00:22:31.990
was it was in the best we could with what we

00:22:31.990 --> 00:22:33.869
had but it was Dysfunctional to say the least

00:22:33.869 --> 00:22:36.450
and it made it hard. So I just that's when I

00:22:36.450 --> 00:22:38.809
really started drinking. I remember spending

00:22:39.069 --> 00:22:41.529
I was spending probably six to seven hundred

00:22:41.529 --> 00:22:43.609
dollars a month at least on alcohol just for

00:22:43.609 --> 00:22:46.930
myself So just to be clear Nate at this point

00:22:46.930 --> 00:22:50.289
you have two children I have two they were both

00:22:50.289 --> 00:22:55.789
little let's see how old Five and five and two

00:22:55.789 --> 00:23:00.569
three under five got it. Yeah. Yeah So we sold

00:23:00.569 --> 00:23:02.769
the house I moved into an apartment and I just

00:23:02.769 --> 00:23:06.250
I just drank and Partied and I put the kids in

00:23:06.250 --> 00:23:08.190
the bed and then after the kids went to bed I

00:23:08.190 --> 00:23:15.400
do whatever, at nighttime. So, you know, almost

00:23:15.400 --> 00:23:19.539
two years of that, I came to a point where it

00:23:19.539 --> 00:23:23.079
was like, okay, I don't like the way that my

00:23:23.079 --> 00:23:27.059
life is going. There were two guys that were

00:23:27.059 --> 00:23:29.079
living in the same area as me who were kind of

00:23:29.079 --> 00:23:31.460
in the same boat. They were both, you know, drinking,

00:23:31.720 --> 00:23:33.660
partying, those kinds of things. And the one

00:23:33.660 --> 00:23:37.539
guy was really, really not doing well. He was

00:23:37.529 --> 00:23:39.670
You know pretty dark and that kind of took my

00:23:39.670 --> 00:23:42.970
thoughts to some darker places And right around

00:23:42.970 --> 00:23:45.410
that time I started to have these suicidal thoughts

00:23:45.410 --> 00:23:47.549
and tendencies come around like look I'm not

00:23:47.549 --> 00:23:50.069
doing anything for anybody. Like what's the point?

00:23:50.309 --> 00:23:54.509
What am I what am I really doing here? I've you

00:23:54.509 --> 00:23:56.309
know, basically I come to the realization that

00:23:56.309 --> 00:23:58.369
I had failed like my life had failed the way

00:23:58.369 --> 00:24:00.430
that I was living wasn't a way to live So what's

00:24:00.430 --> 00:24:03.680
the point? Why should I keep going and? When

00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:06.539
I decided that I you know what I'm done. I'm

00:24:06.539 --> 00:24:08.079
gonna kill myself. There's no reason to keep

00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:12.400
going that was really probably about the As rock

00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:15.079
bottom as it got well as I was driving out to

00:24:15.079 --> 00:24:17.680
my parents house to go and get a gun that I knew

00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:22.750
my dad left in a covered in the garage. That

00:24:22.750 --> 00:24:25.450
was probably about my rock bottom. Let me just

00:24:25.450 --> 00:24:27.390
go back because there's a couple of things that

00:24:27.390 --> 00:24:29.210
I want to emphasize about what you're talking

00:24:29.210 --> 00:24:31.230
about. I want to get to where you're headed with

00:24:31.230 --> 00:24:36.609
your rock bottom story. But prior to that, were

00:24:36.609 --> 00:24:41.019
there... Were there inklings? Did you ever have

00:24:41.019 --> 00:24:44.619
ideologies prior to this date of perhaps ending

00:24:44.619 --> 00:24:48.059
your own life? Was it a fleeting thought from

00:24:48.059 --> 00:24:50.980
time to time? Was it something that you had seriously

00:24:50.980 --> 00:24:53.500
contemplated? You just mentioned that you were

00:24:53.500 --> 00:24:55.299
going over to your dad's and there was a gun

00:24:55.299 --> 00:24:58.079
there and we can all imagine where we're going

00:24:58.079 --> 00:25:00.460
with this, but had these thoughts come to your

00:25:00.460 --> 00:25:04.220
mind before or was this first time ever? Well,

00:25:04.220 --> 00:25:07.319
um, I I had thought that from time to time when

00:25:07.319 --> 00:25:09.640
I was younger as well I mean there were a lot

00:25:09.640 --> 00:25:14.640
of really hard times growing up So you were no

00:25:14.640 --> 00:25:18.160
stranger to despair at any point so far in your

00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:21.339
story here Despair had been throughout your life.

00:25:21.339 --> 00:25:26.240
It sounds like Well, I was I was an angry angry

00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:30.660
person. Yeah I mean, I was known for getting

00:25:30.660 --> 00:25:33.460
into fights at school. So that was my reputation.

00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:39.599
My dad, my stepdad, my dad was a cop. So as you

00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:41.619
can imagine, those two things didn't go together

00:25:41.619 --> 00:25:46.279
very well. I was also larger than he was and

00:25:46.279 --> 00:25:51.880
had a, you know, inflammatory temperament most

00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:54.710
of the time. So I spent a lot of time alone.

00:25:54.710 --> 00:25:56.869
We also lived in the middle of nowhere We lived

00:25:56.869 --> 00:25:59.069
out in the farming community out west of Spanish

00:25:59.069 --> 00:26:02.150
Forks So nobody was coming to get me so I was

00:26:02.150 --> 00:26:06.930
on the farm alone a lot I remember sleeping in

00:26:06.930 --> 00:26:09.690
cars when my parents were mad at me. That's like

00:26:09.690 --> 00:26:13.490
it was Yeah, I I had I was alone a lot and so

00:26:13.490 --> 00:26:14.970
because of that I thought those things a lot.

00:26:15.150 --> 00:26:17.329
Yeah, you know, what's the point? I don't yeah,

00:26:17.470 --> 00:26:21.500
nobody cares about me So you're at your dad's

00:26:21.500 --> 00:26:24.160
you pull up to your mom and dad's and continue

00:26:24.160 --> 00:26:27.480
with that part Yeah, so I I actually didn't quite

00:26:27.480 --> 00:26:31.539
get to my parents house. I lived I lived I Don't

00:26:31.539 --> 00:26:33.059
know probably five six miles away from where

00:26:33.059 --> 00:26:36.839
their house was out in the farm country and I

00:26:36.839 --> 00:26:40.900
got probably two -thirds of the way there and

00:26:40.900 --> 00:26:47.210
I had this thought of like wait if anything I

00:26:47.210 --> 00:26:49.369
do have a reason to live. And then it was about

00:26:49.369 --> 00:26:51.750
that moment that my kids' images flashed in my

00:26:51.750 --> 00:26:57.809
mind. And I knew I needed to hold on for at least

00:26:57.809 --> 00:27:02.069
them. So I slowed my car down, turned around,

00:27:02.109 --> 00:27:06.630
and drove back home. And that was probably the

00:27:06.630 --> 00:27:09.829
moment where my parabola of being at the very

00:27:09.829 --> 00:27:12.210
bottom started to come back up just a little

00:27:12.210 --> 00:27:15.059
bit because I decided to turn around. What do

00:27:15.059 --> 00:27:18.539
you think was the source of of that thought as

00:27:18.539 --> 00:27:22.880
you look back on that? Now Nathan what was kind

00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:28.740
of the source of that do you think? Well, I know

00:27:28.740 --> 00:27:32.799
what the source was but at that time it was just

00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:36.980
a I've got to live for my kids moment, but as

00:27:36.980 --> 00:27:42.000
I go along with this I know The best way that

00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:48.289
I can explain it is the Savior reached into my

00:27:48.289 --> 00:27:51.569
soul and calmed those stormy seas. He calmed

00:27:51.569 --> 00:27:56.009
the water. He stopped it. I don't know how else

00:27:56.009 --> 00:28:00.690
to explain it. I know that I had gone as far

00:28:00.690 --> 00:28:06.269
as I could go, but I couldn't go anymore. And

00:28:06.269 --> 00:28:09.809
he stopped it. He saved me. So he gave me the

00:28:09.809 --> 00:28:13.319
perspective. To continue on and hope for something

00:28:13.319 --> 00:28:17.839
more Nate so many of our listeners Have experienced

00:28:17.839 --> 00:28:20.859
or maybe even are experiencing something very

00:28:20.859 --> 00:28:23.779
similar Maybe not in terms of the logistical

00:28:23.779 --> 00:28:26.579
details of what we're talking about here But

00:28:26.579 --> 00:28:29.779
the feelings are not unfamiliar the feelings

00:28:29.779 --> 00:28:33.119
of hopelessness the feelings of despair the feelings

00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:37.400
of I'm done I just can't keep doing this and

00:28:37.400 --> 00:28:40.660
people want to know They're gonna ask why was

00:28:40.660 --> 00:28:43.619
Nate blessed? Why was Nathan blessed so much

00:28:43.619 --> 00:28:47.200
that he was able to feel Christ's spirit reach

00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:50.519
down and your words Pull him out of what's going

00:28:50.519 --> 00:28:53.200
on here. So how would you respond to that? Why

00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:55.839
were you blessed in this way? What choices had

00:28:55.839 --> 00:28:59.779
you made? what things in your life kind of precipitated

00:28:59.779 --> 00:29:03.960
this? Was there an event or just a series of

00:29:03.960 --> 00:29:09.220
events? So what made your heart available and

00:29:09.220 --> 00:29:12.440
open to be receptive to the Spirit of our Heavenly

00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:16.720
Father at that point? The first thing that comes

00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:21.359
to mind is throughout those years where I didn't

00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:25.940
have the church in my life, There was still always

00:29:25.940 --> 00:29:29.099
part of me because of the foundation that I didn't

00:29:29.099 --> 00:29:30.980
know was important that had been laid. I think

00:29:30.980 --> 00:29:33.900
even just from when I was at Sunbeam having that

00:29:33.900 --> 00:29:37.680
song, I didn't tell the God. There were moments

00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:41.859
where I had been, I remember one night I was

00:29:41.859 --> 00:29:45.559
really being maybe more like an Enos moment or

00:29:45.559 --> 00:29:48.880
I'm being really just, or a Nephi moment where

00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:52.099
my past is just wreaking havoc on me. I don't

00:29:52.099 --> 00:29:56.930
have. gospel in my life, but I just Was just

00:29:56.930 --> 00:30:00.250
feeling so terrible about what I knew to that

00:30:00.250 --> 00:30:02.990
point that I was guilty of So I remember sitting

00:30:02.990 --> 00:30:06.849
in my car and I remember praying Probably more

00:30:06.849 --> 00:30:10.269
fervently than I ever have and I remember Looking

00:30:10.269 --> 00:30:13.049
up and seeing the stars and just a feeling I

00:30:13.049 --> 00:30:16.970
had was I'm not alone So I had a few moments

00:30:16.970 --> 00:30:20.819
like that throughout those years where even though

00:30:20.819 --> 00:30:23.380
I was lost, or at least I think I was, I was

00:30:23.380 --> 00:30:26.799
still searching for something. So part of me

00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:28.980
had always, I think, I know part of me always

00:30:28.980 --> 00:30:30.900
believed, but it just wasn't something that I

00:30:30.900 --> 00:30:34.759
had chosen to accept or give place for yet. So

00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:37.140
in that moment, when I'm driving out to my parents'

00:30:37.240 --> 00:30:42.259
house and my kids' images float in my mind, I

00:30:42.259 --> 00:30:46.519
tap back into that, into those feelings of hoping

00:30:46.519 --> 00:30:50.339
for something more, I think, and that... sliver

00:30:50.339 --> 00:30:53.160
of faith, that sliver of hope. I mean, if you

00:30:53.160 --> 00:30:59.240
go to Alma 32, 27, 28, that seed had grown enough,

00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:02.779
I think, that the Lord was like, okay, I can

00:31:02.779 --> 00:31:07.839
help you now. That's what I think. Okay, so you

00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:13.339
turned around. You learned in the Course that

00:31:13.339 --> 00:31:17.670
repentance literally means to turn around. So

00:31:17.670 --> 00:31:21.009
that was the beginning of you would say turning

00:31:21.009 --> 00:31:24.809
around your life and Where did it go from there

00:31:24.809 --> 00:31:31.789
Nathan? So from there I drove home and I remember

00:31:31.789 --> 00:31:34.970
My brother well, he's my brother on now But my

00:31:34.970 --> 00:31:37.970
friend at that point had had come over and I

00:31:37.970 --> 00:31:40.130
was trying to explain to him what had happened

00:31:40.130 --> 00:31:46.200
and In between Driving home and him coming over.

00:31:46.380 --> 00:31:49.559
I had this realization. It was like It was like

00:31:49.559 --> 00:31:52.059
God knew that I needed to have a carrot mangled

00:31:52.059 --> 00:31:55.099
before me And I mean, you know being separated.

00:31:55.099 --> 00:31:59.039
I felt alone. I felt all this despair this image

00:31:59.039 --> 00:32:02.980
came into my mind of a woman that I have a girl

00:32:02.980 --> 00:32:05.599
that I was supposed to be with and it was my

00:32:05.599 --> 00:32:09.940
best friend's sister and I just had this all

00:32:09.940 --> 00:32:12.859
-encompassing feeling of She's home supposed

00:32:12.859 --> 00:32:15.940
to be with I know it I just I just knew it and

00:32:15.940 --> 00:32:19.440
I then tried to explain that to him and he laughed

00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:24.140
essentially laughed me the scorn and I had this

00:32:24.140 --> 00:32:25.619
Impression, you know, let's open the scriptures

00:32:25.619 --> 00:32:28.799
and so I ended up going to ether 1227 which was

00:32:28.799 --> 00:32:32.779
when I wrote you guys that initial email And

00:32:32.779 --> 00:32:35.400
we well we read part of ether and how it talks

00:32:35.400 --> 00:32:38.779
about faith and we got to 1227 So the faith and

00:32:38.779 --> 00:32:41.700
then the making weak things become strong It

00:32:41.700 --> 00:32:46.240
was as if what I had known or been shown was

00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:48.880
then granted for him to be able to see, because

00:32:48.880 --> 00:32:51.000
he knew in that moment also that it was true.

00:32:51.339 --> 00:32:56.559
And then from then, I just had an upward trajectory.

00:32:57.119 --> 00:33:00.059
The Lord was just guiding me beyond what I could

00:33:00.059 --> 00:33:03.400
understand. I had something to hope for. Even

00:33:03.400 --> 00:33:04.779
though I didn't know that I was going to get

00:33:04.779 --> 00:33:07.529
it, I believed it, and I just kind of... you

00:33:07.529 --> 00:33:09.710
know, worked toward that. I started going back

00:33:09.710 --> 00:33:12.250
to church. I, you know, started hanging around

00:33:12.250 --> 00:33:14.390
my parents more. I stopped hanging around bad

00:33:14.390 --> 00:33:18.109
friends. Obviously I didn't drink anymore. And

00:33:18.109 --> 00:33:20.049
I just started that path of change because I

00:33:20.049 --> 00:33:22.930
knew it's like, look, I had tried to live. I

00:33:22.930 --> 00:33:26.250
had tried to do it my way and I failed. I failed

00:33:26.250 --> 00:33:28.430
to live the way that I wanted to. So there had

00:33:28.430 --> 00:33:30.049
to be something else. There had to be a better

00:33:30.049 --> 00:33:32.690
way and the better way wasn't my way. It was

00:33:32.690 --> 00:33:35.470
his. So I've long felt that the way that I live

00:33:35.470 --> 00:33:38.589
now, I'm on his errand. I owe everything I am

00:33:38.589 --> 00:33:42.990
to him I Failed and so now I am living a second

00:33:42.990 --> 00:33:45.329
life that was granted by him alone And so I just

00:33:45.329 --> 00:33:47.029
I feel like I have to do the best that I can

00:33:47.029 --> 00:33:51.650
I'm still very flawed, but I try so Well, what's

00:33:51.650 --> 00:33:54.509
amazing as you're relating your story? Nathan

00:33:54.509 --> 00:33:59.150
what what I think's amazing is that you were

00:33:59.150 --> 00:34:03.690
in a really bad place but somehow some way because

00:34:03.690 --> 00:34:08.590
of a child hearing or feeling more than hearing

00:34:08.590 --> 00:34:13.309
the truth about being a child of God, that when

00:34:13.309 --> 00:34:16.969
the Lord gave you an experience, you recognized

00:34:16.969 --> 00:34:19.210
it. I'm not sure that you really knew the source

00:34:19.210 --> 00:34:22.949
of it, but that you knew that it was God, and

00:34:22.949 --> 00:34:26.809
that God knew you, and that God was concerned

00:34:26.809 --> 00:34:30.190
about you, and you recognized that and received

00:34:30.190 --> 00:34:34.329
it. I think so many times God gives people experiences,

00:34:34.840 --> 00:34:37.079
but they failed to either recognize the source

00:34:37.079 --> 00:34:40.320
of it or fail to completely receive it. Not only

00:34:40.320 --> 00:34:43.840
did you receive it by turning around, by going

00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:47.860
back to your children, but you turned to the

00:34:47.860 --> 00:34:51.579
Word of the Lord. That's pretty amazing to me,

00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:53.340
because I don't think you probably had a lot

00:34:53.340 --> 00:34:57.000
of experience with scriptures, but you were led

00:34:57.000 --> 00:35:01.179
into the scriptures, and there is a power about

00:35:01.179 --> 00:35:04.880
the Word, isn't there? No, there is but I would

00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:09.019
say There's a power about it, but there's an

00:35:09.019 --> 00:35:11.000
even greater power about it when you choose it

00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:15.059
for yourself up to that point I you know, I had

00:35:15.059 --> 00:35:18.579
the church in my life on and off but It wasn't

00:35:18.579 --> 00:35:21.159
something that I had chosen for myself. Therefore.

00:35:21.179 --> 00:35:23.480
I didn't understand what was really happening

00:35:23.480 --> 00:35:26.460
So when I went to church, you know as a teen,

00:35:26.460 --> 00:35:30.099
you know on and off I Didn't want to go. I didn't

00:35:30.099 --> 00:35:32.420
want to be there. I didn't see a point I was

00:35:32.420 --> 00:35:35.099
going through the motions, but I never was converted

00:35:35.099 --> 00:35:38.960
to it. So I say, you know, I was raised in the

00:35:38.960 --> 00:35:43.159
church, but I was converted when I was 27, because

00:35:43.159 --> 00:35:46.219
I really didn't choose to be a part of it until

00:35:46.219 --> 00:35:51.059
I was about 27, 26, 27. Well, I think there's

00:35:51.059 --> 00:35:53.239
a difference, too, Nathan, maybe you can describe

00:35:53.239 --> 00:35:56.880
this, of being converted to the church versus

00:35:56.880 --> 00:35:59.400
being converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

00:36:01.179 --> 00:36:06.019
at that point, your conversion is more to God,

00:36:06.519 --> 00:36:09.480
to Jesus Christ, you're beginning to feel the

00:36:09.480 --> 00:36:14.059
Spirit, and your real conversion is in developing

00:36:14.059 --> 00:36:16.659
a relationship with God and feeling that they

00:36:16.659 --> 00:36:19.199
know you and your desire to know them. Is that

00:36:19.199 --> 00:36:22.760
right? How would you put that? No, I agree. I

00:36:22.760 --> 00:36:26.000
mean, I think the Church is wonderful, but the

00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:28.420
reality of it is, and this was said in conference,

00:36:28.500 --> 00:36:30.789
and maybe you can tell me who said it, but I

00:36:30.789 --> 00:36:32.130
want to say it was like Ballard or something,

00:36:32.989 --> 00:36:35.469
but the church is only created for imperfect

00:36:35.469 --> 00:36:37.590
people. If we were perfect, we wouldn't need

00:36:37.590 --> 00:36:39.650
the church. We would have an understanding and

00:36:39.650 --> 00:36:41.289
we would have, you know, the Lord and we wouldn't

00:36:41.289 --> 00:36:43.429
need to worry about it. The church is amazing,

00:36:43.449 --> 00:36:46.449
but it's just a tool to help us get back to God.

00:36:46.849 --> 00:36:48.730
And the connections that you can make with the

00:36:48.730 --> 00:36:51.050
Lord, especially which is really cool with our

00:36:51.050 --> 00:36:53.929
church is, I mean, you said this in class once.

00:36:54.269 --> 00:36:56.909
We aren't all prophets seers and revelators,

00:36:56.949 --> 00:36:58.769
but we are all prophets because we can receive

00:36:58.769 --> 00:37:02.130
revelation Yeah, I've received lots of different

00:37:02.130 --> 00:37:05.110
revelations for myself I seek out understanding

00:37:05.110 --> 00:37:08.090
and have questions all the time So that I can

00:37:08.090 --> 00:37:10.269
further my understanding and that has to do with

00:37:10.269 --> 00:37:14.349
my individual relationship with God And the more

00:37:14.349 --> 00:37:18.570
you grow to know him The more you become like

00:37:18.570 --> 00:37:20.389
him and the closer you get to him I mean like

00:37:20.389 --> 00:37:22.269
it becomes harder and harder and harder to fall

00:37:22.269 --> 00:37:24.829
you also brought up in that and it was in conference

00:37:24.829 --> 00:37:27.909
too, the story about the two wolves and which

00:37:27.909 --> 00:37:31.510
wolf wins, the one that you feed. Well, I mean,

00:37:31.610 --> 00:37:35.530
the more I go down this path that I started years

00:37:35.530 --> 00:37:38.369
ago, the more that I find myself close to him.

00:37:38.369 --> 00:37:41.590
That doesn't mean that I don't have moments where

00:37:41.590 --> 00:37:43.630
I feel like I've made an about face and I'm going

00:37:43.630 --> 00:37:47.889
the wrong direction. But ultimately, my foundation

00:37:47.889 --> 00:37:50.389
is Christ. And because my foundation is Christ,

00:37:50.469 --> 00:37:52.730
even when I have hard times, I know that I can't

00:37:52.730 --> 00:37:56.699
fall. because He's always there. Yeah, that's

00:37:56.699 --> 00:38:00.340
really powerful, Nathan. So, skip a little bit

00:38:00.340 --> 00:38:04.280
further ahead from that night that you read,

00:38:04.280 --> 00:38:08.699
Ether 1227, and you started to come back, and

00:38:08.699 --> 00:38:12.119
you end up marrying your best friend's sister,

00:38:12.519 --> 00:38:15.500
who's now your wife, and I know that story, and

00:38:15.500 --> 00:38:18.659
I think it's so sacred and so sweet that God

00:38:18.659 --> 00:38:22.199
gave you that vision. And and I know it's true

00:38:22.199 --> 00:38:25.000
and I know both of you know, it's true And now

00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:27.699
you have these children and you're a schoolteacher.

00:38:27.699 --> 00:38:31.130
You're a football coach you're doing all of these

00:38:31.130 --> 00:38:34.150
things, but so several several years have been

00:38:34.150 --> 00:38:37.789
under the bridge since you took the course on

00:38:37.789 --> 00:38:40.809
repentance and forgiveness and Just just to remind

00:38:40.809 --> 00:38:43.949
you we begin that course as we did this podcast

00:38:43.949 --> 00:38:47.489
by the way before I forget You have your own

00:38:47.489 --> 00:38:51.510
podcast trying to help youth Some of them may

00:38:51.510 --> 00:38:53.250
be going through some of the things you went

00:38:53.250 --> 00:38:56.650
through to try to help adolescents. Why don't

00:38:56.650 --> 00:38:59.110
you just Before I forget, say something about

00:38:59.110 --> 00:39:07.289
your podcast. Well, ours is called, what do we

00:39:07.289 --> 00:39:09.469
even call it? Teen Advice Stuff You Really Wanna

00:39:09.469 --> 00:39:14.550
Hear. Say it again? Teen Advice Stuff You Really

00:39:14.550 --> 00:39:17.369
Wanna Hear. That's the name of the podcast. We

00:39:17.369 --> 00:39:22.090
just, yeah, my wife and I do it just trying to

00:39:22.090 --> 00:39:24.849
take the perspective of teachers, and I mean,

00:39:24.849 --> 00:39:28.000
you know, my wife's story, and her experiences

00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:30.440
in life, ironically enough, are very similar

00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:34.340
to my own. And the fact that she was even able

00:39:34.340 --> 00:39:36.260
to pray and get an answer that she was supposed

00:39:36.260 --> 00:39:38.099
to marry me is a testament to the things that

00:39:38.099 --> 00:39:39.800
she'd been through and learned that God is there.

00:39:40.219 --> 00:39:42.239
Anyway, all of those things and the fact that

00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:46.199
we teach, we try to help kids get through this

00:39:46.199 --> 00:39:50.420
time. We were really diligent with it for a while

00:39:50.420 --> 00:39:53.000
and then school started and we stopped. We tried

00:39:53.000 --> 00:39:54.780
to start it again this summer and then I mean

00:39:54.780 --> 00:39:56.960
we've been so busy, but I mean it's still there

00:39:56.960 --> 00:40:01.440
We have about 20 episodes that are on So for

00:40:01.440 --> 00:40:03.219
those for those who want to know it's called

00:40:03.219 --> 00:40:06.119
stuff you really want to know teen advice and

00:40:06.119 --> 00:40:10.239
it's by Oh boy, I just start playing it and it's

00:40:10.239 --> 00:40:15.579
by yeah, and it's by Nate and Jess Moller, okay,

00:40:15.679 --> 00:40:19.920
so so thank you for that. I hope I hope that

00:40:19.920 --> 00:40:23.690
Parents will will point their teens that direction

00:40:23.690 --> 00:40:27.110
or they'll be able to find it. So going back

00:40:27.110 --> 00:40:32.210
to our course, you remember back then as we began

00:40:32.210 --> 00:40:36.929
this podcast, was to know who you are as sons

00:40:36.929 --> 00:40:39.170
and daughters of God, that was the beginning

00:40:39.170 --> 00:40:40.969
of the Course on Repentance and Forgiveness,

00:40:41.409 --> 00:40:44.309
and to also know that we are fallen beings, that

00:40:44.309 --> 00:40:48.409
we are all sinners, and to recognize and celebrate

00:40:48.409 --> 00:40:53.659
our mortal state. and then we go from there through

00:40:53.659 --> 00:40:59.780
a process of obtaining faith in Christ, repentance,

00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:04.420
which is a process. What kind of stands out to

00:41:04.420 --> 00:41:06.980
you that strengthened you? Because you were in

00:41:06.980 --> 00:41:09.460
a pretty good place when I first met you and

00:41:09.460 --> 00:41:12.059
you were taking that course. You were coming

00:41:12.059 --> 00:41:15.559
back, you were in a pretty good place. What stood

00:41:15.559 --> 00:41:19.119
out to you that helped strengthen your resolve

00:41:19.119 --> 00:41:22.849
to continue in your conversion of the gospel?

00:41:26.530 --> 00:41:31.389
I think the thing that helped me most was honestly,

00:41:31.710 --> 00:41:35.670
it was pretty simple. At least, you know, the

00:41:35.670 --> 00:41:37.329
easy thing to remember was just how you're always

00:41:37.329 --> 00:41:41.010
told to endure to the end, right? I always just

00:41:41.010 --> 00:41:44.829
remember, even now, when things get really hard,

00:41:45.369 --> 00:41:48.639
just endure. Just indoor and then from there

00:41:48.639 --> 00:41:50.579
my mind goes to various things that I've heard

00:41:50.579 --> 00:41:52.679
like one of the things that I like to draw on

00:41:52.679 --> 00:41:56.760
is Joseph Smith and knowing that right before

00:41:56.760 --> 00:41:58.900
he had the first vision, you know what happened

00:41:58.900 --> 00:42:01.059
to him Satan did everything he could to stop

00:42:01.059 --> 00:42:05.860
him from getting into that grove And I found

00:42:05.860 --> 00:42:09.420
that throughout my life When things get really

00:42:09.420 --> 00:42:12.280
bad It usually means that Satan sees something

00:42:12.280 --> 00:42:15.260
good coming and if you can just hold on just

00:42:15.260 --> 00:42:18.679
for a little bit That bad will pass and something

00:42:18.679 --> 00:42:25.599
good follows So, I mean really just if you kind

00:42:25.599 --> 00:42:28.880
of take that for me if you take that mindset

00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:32.099
I've just found myself growing and growing and

00:42:32.099 --> 00:42:34.679
growing in faith and testimony I mean some days

00:42:34.679 --> 00:42:36.719
it feels like you know one step forward and two

00:42:36.719 --> 00:42:40.599
steps back, but I Would say overall I don't even

00:42:40.599 --> 00:42:43.179
have to say I would say Know that I am better

00:42:43.179 --> 00:42:47.000
off now than I was and that right there is repentance

00:42:47.000 --> 00:42:50.519
The desire to be on a path and grow and become

00:42:50.519 --> 00:42:52.820
better that really is repentance. You're showing

00:42:52.820 --> 00:42:55.380
God that you're repentant through your actions

00:42:55.380 --> 00:42:58.320
And it's taken a long time and it's been hard

00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:00.539
and I know it's still gonna continue to be but

00:43:00.539 --> 00:43:03.800
My life is so blessed just because I remember

00:43:03.800 --> 00:43:08.980
those few things and I don't give up hope I Think

00:43:08.980 --> 00:43:10.920
the other thing that I remember is the story

00:43:10.920 --> 00:43:15.340
that I've shared today um whenever things again

00:43:15.340 --> 00:43:17.320
get really hard like i've had moments where jess

00:43:17.320 --> 00:43:19.460
and i will get in an argument and it'll be like

00:43:19.460 --> 00:43:22.300
god why am i why are we even married like and

00:43:22.300 --> 00:43:24.860
and i i say that but i say it because it's normal

00:43:24.860 --> 00:43:27.780
satan wants you to second guess things and for

00:43:27.780 --> 00:43:29.699
people to think oh that's terrible you thought

00:43:29.699 --> 00:43:31.340
you shouldn't be married your wife no it's normal

00:43:31.340 --> 00:43:35.320
satan's gonna do that um i remember well let's

00:43:35.320 --> 00:43:37.500
see why are we married and then i remember that

00:43:37.500 --> 00:43:39.880
story again and it's like i know i'm supposed

00:43:39.880 --> 00:43:42.219
to be with her I know it, and it kind of erases

00:43:42.219 --> 00:43:45.039
the lies that he tells you. It dispels those

00:43:45.039 --> 00:43:47.199
things that he wants to get you to believe so

00:43:47.199 --> 00:43:50.679
that you get off course again. Well, that's the

00:43:50.679 --> 00:43:53.639
importance of remembering, Nathan, right? I think

00:43:53.639 --> 00:43:57.659
we've taught that, that President Kimball said

00:43:57.659 --> 00:43:59.900
the most important word in the Book of Mormon

00:43:59.900 --> 00:44:04.429
is remember. But so many don't remember. It's

00:44:04.429 --> 00:44:08.829
so easy to forget or to have something of a lapse,

00:44:09.110 --> 00:44:13.730
you know of We we we get this spiritual amnesia

00:44:13.730 --> 00:44:17.269
Sometimes and we forget who we are or we forget

00:44:17.269 --> 00:44:22.190
the experiences that we've had Besides just recalling

00:44:22.190 --> 00:44:25.909
them. What are you doing in your life now? To

00:44:25.909 --> 00:44:30.019
be continually moving forward on the path strengthening

00:44:30.019 --> 00:44:34.199
your faith, continuing in your repentance, and

00:44:34.199 --> 00:44:37.760
to help yourself to remember these experiences

00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:40.119
that you've described. And Nate, before you answer

00:44:40.119 --> 00:44:42.280
that question, maybe you could do it in light

00:44:42.280 --> 00:44:44.539
of another experience that I know that's been

00:44:44.539 --> 00:44:46.639
difficult probably for you in your life. You

00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:48.579
talk about a stepfather. In fact, you've talked

00:44:48.579 --> 00:44:51.260
about several stepfathers. And you talked about

00:44:51.260 --> 00:44:55.300
the blessing of your most recent, well, a stepfather,

00:44:55.559 --> 00:44:59.500
Corey, who... Went through a pretty difficult

00:44:59.500 --> 00:45:01.860
situation or because of something that happened

00:45:01.860 --> 00:45:04.679
to him also created difficult situation in your

00:45:04.679 --> 00:45:08.340
family That had to be hard for you as well. Maybe

00:45:08.340 --> 00:45:10.900
you could describe that and then answer Dave's

00:45:10.900 --> 00:45:15.440
question Around that but apply it not just to

00:45:15.440 --> 00:45:17.739
everything else in your life, but that experience

00:45:17.739 --> 00:45:19.659
specifically Maybe you could kind of tell us

00:45:19.659 --> 00:45:22.619
what happened there briefly and how you've been

00:45:22.619 --> 00:45:24.659
able to through the atonement of Jesus Christ

00:45:24.659 --> 00:45:31.119
make it through that experience Well his the

00:45:31.119 --> 00:45:36.239
story with him He was he was a Utah County sheriff's

00:45:36.239 --> 00:45:41.239
deputy For a long time it was what eight months

00:45:41.239 --> 00:45:46.119
shy of 20 years He's working out in Eagle Mountain

00:45:46.119 --> 00:45:51.400
he was a desk sergeant basically and he was leaving

00:45:51.400 --> 00:45:55.269
his office in Eagle Mountain one day to Drive

00:45:55.269 --> 00:45:58.130
out to where my family lived to pick up my little

00:45:58.130 --> 00:46:01.789
brother To take him to lunch and it was January

00:46:01.789 --> 00:46:08.050
30th 2014 super crappy day really snowy crappy

00:46:08.050 --> 00:46:15.349
day And as he's leaving and he gets on to SR

00:46:15.349 --> 00:46:18.110
70 out there that's the main road that used to

00:46:18.110 --> 00:46:21.090
go from out like Cedar for Eagle Mountain into

00:46:21.090 --> 00:46:25.239
Lehigh He saw a truck parked off to the side

00:46:25.239 --> 00:46:29.579
of the road. He drove past the truck and realized,

00:46:30.179 --> 00:46:33.360
you know, we don't know necessarily what he thought

00:46:33.360 --> 00:46:36.179
because we don't have any audio or video to know,

00:46:36.280 --> 00:46:37.960
but we can surmise. I've thought about this a

00:46:37.960 --> 00:46:40.719
lot. But you see him and I've seen the dash cam

00:46:40.719 --> 00:46:44.380
video. He does drive past the truck, stops, turns

00:46:44.380 --> 00:46:47.639
around, comes back behind the truck and then

00:46:47.639 --> 00:46:50.360
calls in the dispatch and says that he's got

00:46:50.360 --> 00:46:53.420
a motorist assist. With police, a motorist assist

00:46:53.420 --> 00:46:56.159
is like the most low key of calls. It's I'm helping

00:46:56.159 --> 00:46:58.559
somebody change a tire or they're stuck in the

00:46:58.559 --> 00:47:01.059
mud or something like that. So it's not something

00:47:01.059 --> 00:47:05.760
that dispatch really worries about. And for 18

00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:08.139
minutes, he goes back and forth between that

00:47:08.139 --> 00:47:12.199
car and his car and tries to find out, OK, why

00:47:12.199 --> 00:47:13.860
are they on the side of the road? Why are there

00:47:13.860 --> 00:47:17.619
hazards on? What can I do to remedy their situation?

00:47:19.099 --> 00:47:23.349
He finds that there's a A 17 -year -old female

00:47:23.349 --> 00:47:26.349
driving an adult Hispanic male in the passenger

00:47:26.349 --> 00:47:31.070
seat. He finds that the truck belongs to her

00:47:31.070 --> 00:47:33.449
grandparents. She gives him her information.

00:47:34.369 --> 00:47:38.030
He gets information from the male, and it turns

00:47:38.030 --> 00:47:40.190
out that that information is faulty. So for really

00:47:40.190 --> 00:47:41.789
the 18 minutes, he goes back and forth between

00:47:41.789 --> 00:47:43.170
the two cars. He's trying to find out who this

00:47:43.170 --> 00:47:47.650
male is. He won't tell him who he is. After about

00:47:47.650 --> 00:47:50.099
18 minutes... The truck has a sliding back window

00:47:50.099 --> 00:47:54.900
on it and he shoots seven shots in the front

00:47:54.900 --> 00:47:58.400
of my dad's police car. The first two bullets

00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:01.420
hit him. First one hits him up in the temple

00:48:01.420 --> 00:48:03.840
area on the side of his head and the second one

00:48:03.840 --> 00:48:05.780
hits him in the jugular on the opposite side

00:48:05.780 --> 00:48:09.159
of his head. And he is incapacitated on the side

00:48:09.159 --> 00:48:11.400
of the road and they speed off and it turns into

00:48:11.400 --> 00:48:15.119
a County wide manhunt trying to find somebody

00:48:15.119 --> 00:48:17.960
who had shot this deputy and later shot another

00:48:17.960 --> 00:48:21.039
deputy which was a Greg Shearwood He was shot

00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:24.099
in the head in Sarah in Santa Quinn and then

00:48:24.099 --> 00:48:26.420
they sped on and got into a shootout and then

00:48:26.420 --> 00:48:29.980
that man died that day and the 17 year old is

00:48:29.980 --> 00:48:35.300
in prison for You know aggravated murder basically

00:48:35.300 --> 00:48:41.619
That happened It goes back to that Joseph Smith

00:48:41.619 --> 00:48:45.760
analogy I mentioned earlier. That happened about

00:48:45.760 --> 00:48:49.280
a week after I had taken over the classroom in

00:48:49.280 --> 00:48:51.320
my student teaching assignment at Pleasant Grove

00:48:51.320 --> 00:48:55.880
High School. In that moment, it was like, holy

00:48:55.880 --> 00:48:58.619
crap, the world does not want me to be a teacher.

00:48:58.659 --> 00:49:00.559
And I already had doubts that I could do it.

00:49:01.000 --> 00:49:03.559
I remember... that first night when we were told

00:49:03.559 --> 00:49:06.039
that he was shot and killed, feeling anger that

00:49:06.039 --> 00:49:08.460
first day at the hospital in Orem. That's where

00:49:08.460 --> 00:49:10.679
our family was. That's where the sheriff came

00:49:10.679 --> 00:49:15.119
and talked to us. And then after that, it was

00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:17.400
kind of like that initial experience that I explained

00:49:17.400 --> 00:49:19.579
when the Savior calmed my seas. It's like he

00:49:19.579 --> 00:49:22.679
did the same thing. He took that angst, that

00:49:22.679 --> 00:49:26.360
frustration, that anger, and he removed it. And

00:49:26.360 --> 00:49:32.210
the outpouring of community love and Help and

00:49:32.210 --> 00:49:35.510
acceptance and willing to suffer collectively

00:49:35.510 --> 00:49:40.730
Replace that anger and that frustration It really

00:49:40.730 --> 00:49:42.590
started the healing process for us and it was

00:49:42.590 --> 00:49:45.349
interesting a lot of the times I remember going

00:49:45.349 --> 00:49:47.730
to things. I remember being at his viewing I

00:49:47.730 --> 00:49:49.989
remember going to events that our family was

00:49:49.989 --> 00:49:53.130
invited to be at Consoling other people hugging

00:49:53.130 --> 00:49:59.619
people as they cried into my shoulder It was

00:49:59.619 --> 00:50:04.239
rough, but it was very, very unique and a very

00:50:04.239 --> 00:50:07.940
sweet experience just because I know at the end

00:50:07.940 --> 00:50:09.280
of the day, I think the thing that really gives

00:50:09.280 --> 00:50:11.900
us peace is I believe that before we come to

00:50:11.900 --> 00:50:14.619
this earth, we're told what's gonna happen. I

00:50:14.619 --> 00:50:16.239
believe that we come knowing who we're gonna

00:50:16.239 --> 00:50:19.159
be and what's going to happen. And I know that

00:50:19.159 --> 00:50:21.179
Corey knew that that was gonna happen to him

00:50:21.179 --> 00:50:22.980
that day, whether he realized it in this life

00:50:22.980 --> 00:50:27.070
or not. but he knew and he chose to allow it.

00:50:27.110 --> 00:50:29.349
So I know that he would have rather gone through

00:50:29.349 --> 00:50:31.550
that than make another family go through it,

00:50:31.789 --> 00:50:33.829
which means that my family was positioned to

00:50:33.829 --> 00:50:37.110
have to go through such an experience. And still

00:50:37.110 --> 00:50:39.150
to this day, it's hard. I mean, I've mentioned,

00:50:39.869 --> 00:50:41.889
not today, but I've realized this in my past.

00:50:42.349 --> 00:50:44.230
Like when things happen like that, you don't,

00:50:44.230 --> 00:50:47.230
they don't go away. They don't. You really just

00:50:47.230 --> 00:50:49.530
learn to deal with it. You learn to live with

00:50:49.530 --> 00:50:51.409
it. You learn to either make it a positive or

00:50:51.409 --> 00:50:53.070
a negative. And there are so many people that

00:50:53.070 --> 00:50:55.510
take things like that and let them become a negative,

00:50:55.570 --> 00:50:58.409
and it harbingers on them. It causes them to

00:50:58.409 --> 00:51:01.750
become these spiteful, mean people because they

00:51:01.750 --> 00:51:04.090
just don't know how to cope with it. And in reality,

00:51:04.170 --> 00:51:06.230
we can't cope with it on our own. We have to

00:51:06.230 --> 00:51:08.849
have a mediator. And that's what the Savior can

00:51:08.849 --> 00:51:11.309
do is he can allow you to get rid of all that

00:51:11.309 --> 00:51:13.570
negative feeling and angst and everything else.

00:51:13.849 --> 00:51:16.309
And now I'm able to take that story and among

00:51:16.309 --> 00:51:20.070
others, and I use them in my classroom. One of

00:51:20.070 --> 00:51:21.829
the coolest experiences, I think, and one of

00:51:21.829 --> 00:51:23.150
the things that helped me to become the teacher

00:51:23.150 --> 00:51:27.269
I am is when I went back to finish teaching,

00:51:27.650 --> 00:51:29.349
first off, I would say I was teaching with two

00:51:29.349 --> 00:51:31.250
teachers at Pleasant Grove High School, both

00:51:31.250 --> 00:51:33.699
of which had lost their fathers. So both of which

00:51:33.699 --> 00:51:36.440
had a unique and they lost their fathers in unexpected

00:51:36.440 --> 00:51:39.119
ways. So they both had a unique ability to understand

00:51:39.119 --> 00:51:42.599
me. So their approach to me changed. And then

00:51:42.599 --> 00:51:44.860
I remember first day taking over the class and

00:51:44.860 --> 00:51:46.860
it was just a ghost town. The kids didn't know

00:51:46.860 --> 00:51:48.500
what to say. They didn't know how to react. It

00:51:48.500 --> 00:51:51.880
was so in everybody's face. Everybody knew. And

00:51:51.880 --> 00:51:53.860
so, you know what? I pulled up a picture of my

00:51:53.860 --> 00:51:56.539
dad. I explained the whole situation in explicit

00:51:56.539 --> 00:51:59.980
detail. And I learned in that moment. My testimony

00:51:59.980 --> 00:52:03.219
changed because now I know that sharing my story,

00:52:03.400 --> 00:52:05.739
I don't have faith in it anymore. I know that

00:52:05.739 --> 00:52:08.019
sharing my story changes lives and can help people

00:52:08.019 --> 00:52:10.639
because I experienced it firsthand in front of

00:52:10.639 --> 00:52:13.519
strangers. My dad is still amazing. I've grown

00:52:13.519 --> 00:52:16.000
to know him now more than ever. I see him in

00:52:16.000 --> 00:52:20.440
dreams constantly. He's always there. My brother

00:52:20.440 --> 00:52:22.659
has had really personal experiences with him.

00:52:23.019 --> 00:52:26.260
He's still around. He still helps us. I still

00:52:26.260 --> 00:52:28.380
get to feel him when I'm in situations that are

00:52:28.380 --> 00:52:33.820
hard. I have an image of him come to my mind

00:52:33.820 --> 00:52:39.380
and he'll say, I'm here. So it was a rough experience,

00:52:39.380 --> 00:52:43.980
but it has strengthened my testimony and the

00:52:43.980 --> 00:52:45.820
atonement and the plan of salvation and of this

00:52:45.820 --> 00:52:47.719
gospel in ways that I just couldn't have had

00:52:47.719 --> 00:52:50.440
any other way. It really almost to me seems like

00:52:50.440 --> 00:52:53.139
he was meant to do that so that I could be who

00:52:53.139 --> 00:52:55.539
I am, because without him going through what

00:52:55.539 --> 00:52:57.679
he went through, I would not be who I am today.

00:53:00.599 --> 00:53:03.920
Oh, that's humbling to think that God planned

00:53:03.920 --> 00:53:06.400
for somebody to die, not just my savior, but

00:53:06.400 --> 00:53:08.119
somebody else that dies so that I can become

00:53:08.119 --> 00:53:13.900
who I am. It's crazy to think about, but who

00:53:13.900 --> 00:53:17.079
knows what he's doing. So Nathan, thank you for

00:53:17.079 --> 00:53:22.800
sharing that. God has taken your experiences

00:53:22.800 --> 00:53:26.199
and through the atonement of Jesus Christ and

00:53:26.199 --> 00:53:30.610
his redemption has consecrated those experiences

00:53:30.610 --> 00:53:35.449
for your gain, and through you he has consecrated

00:53:35.449 --> 00:53:38.530
that experience for others' gain, as he promised

00:53:38.530 --> 00:53:42.130
that he would in the Scriptures. But Nathan,

00:53:42.909 --> 00:53:45.730
that's not true for probably every member of

00:53:45.730 --> 00:53:51.210
your family, I don't know. So why has he, why

00:53:51.210 --> 00:53:56.050
you, why has this experience helped to sanctify

00:53:56.050 --> 00:54:00.119
you? consecrated this experience for your gain

00:54:00.119 --> 00:54:04.980
and through you been able to bless others. What's

00:54:04.980 --> 00:54:08.780
the difference? I mean, I don't think it just

00:54:08.780 --> 00:54:11.880
happened. There's something about you or something

00:54:11.880 --> 00:54:16.500
that you did to help the atonement of Jesus Christ

00:54:16.500 --> 00:54:20.599
be activated in your life for you to access it,

00:54:20.599 --> 00:54:24.380
to bring about all of the goodness, to make beauty,

00:54:24.380 --> 00:54:28.789
so to speak, out of ashes. How come and and what's

00:54:28.789 --> 00:54:34.210
the difference? It's you know, it goes back to

00:54:34.210 --> 00:54:35.889
that day when I was diving out to my parents

00:54:35.889 --> 00:54:40.489
house to take my life I Decided to make a change

00:54:40.489 --> 00:54:43.809
that day and I decided to accept even though

00:54:43.809 --> 00:54:45.510
I didn't necessarily understand in that moment

00:54:45.510 --> 00:54:49.690
I decided to accept my Savior and because I decided

00:54:49.690 --> 00:54:54.670
to accept him and his payment for me for his

00:54:54.670 --> 00:54:59.929
bloodshed for his sacrifice I I made that choice

00:54:59.929 --> 00:55:03.070
and so when these other challenges come I've

00:55:03.070 --> 00:55:05.550
already made that choice and so the Savior is

00:55:05.550 --> 00:55:07.809
still there and it's not that he's not readily

00:55:07.809 --> 00:55:11.989
available for other people but it's just it's

00:55:11.989 --> 00:55:14.989
not everybody's accepted him they need to they

00:55:14.989 --> 00:55:16.570
need to accept him as soon as you accept him

00:55:16.570 --> 00:55:21.590
in your life that sorrow that pain it ends I

00:55:21.590 --> 00:55:25.880
had this realization the other day I realized

00:55:25.880 --> 00:55:28.900
that you can take two people and you can give

00:55:28.900 --> 00:55:32.420
them the exact same experience. And if one has

00:55:32.420 --> 00:55:34.820
the Savior and one doesn't, the paths are going

00:55:34.820 --> 00:55:36.519
to be very similar. The one person that has a

00:55:36.519 --> 00:55:38.380
Savior is going to grow and learn from experience.

00:55:38.420 --> 00:55:40.320
And the path of the person that doesn't have

00:55:40.320 --> 00:55:44.199
the Savior is probably going to turn into alcohol

00:55:44.199 --> 00:55:48.579
and sadness and frustration and anger. The thing

00:55:48.579 --> 00:55:52.000
is, is the human body wants to find a way to

00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:57.210
cope. If we choose the world, we cope in a worldly

00:55:57.210 --> 00:56:00.070
way and we'll never find deliverance. Once you

00:56:00.070 --> 00:56:05.409
make the choice to accept his sacrifice for the

00:56:05.409 --> 00:56:07.670
thing that makes up the difference, you know,

00:56:07.769 --> 00:56:09.769
that bridge between you and heaven, once you

00:56:09.769 --> 00:56:13.269
accept the Savior, it takes you somewhere else.

00:56:13.389 --> 00:56:16.449
And you can't go there by yourself. You just

00:56:16.449 --> 00:56:18.210
can't. But you have to at some point accept them.

00:56:18.210 --> 00:56:22.320
I have family members that are still struggling

00:56:22.320 --> 00:56:23.880
from it. And I'm not saying that they haven't,

00:56:23.880 --> 00:56:25.440
I guess, accepted the Savior to a greater or

00:56:25.440 --> 00:56:28.519
lesser degree, but not in the same way. And I

00:56:28.519 --> 00:56:30.719
mean, there's a couple that I can think of that,

00:56:31.199 --> 00:56:35.639
you know, are really still struggling. And I

00:56:35.639 --> 00:56:38.539
know that the answer really just is the Savior.

00:56:38.659 --> 00:56:41.639
If you can find him, if you can allow him to

00:56:41.639 --> 00:56:47.420
help you, it goes away. The feelings don't, like

00:56:47.420 --> 00:56:49.679
you learn to live with it, but like that hatred,

00:56:49.800 --> 00:56:52.300
the anger, the The pit in your stomach because

00:56:52.300 --> 00:56:54.579
this terrible thing happened all of that human

00:56:54.579 --> 00:56:57.019
emotion that goes away All of the stuff that

00:56:57.019 --> 00:56:59.719
the world would have you harp on that part goes

00:56:59.719 --> 00:57:03.219
away and you learn to Maybe the difference is

00:57:03.219 --> 00:57:05.079
instead of having worldly sorrow you have Godly

00:57:05.079 --> 00:57:09.539
sorrow. It's just different And it also has you

00:57:09.539 --> 00:57:11.599
hope for a better tomorrow and it's not even

00:57:11.599 --> 00:57:13.860
necessarily hope it's like I know Things are

00:57:13.860 --> 00:57:15.800
gonna be hard, but I know that as long as I keep

00:57:15.800 --> 00:57:19.340
trying God won't forsake me Because he's already

00:57:19.340 --> 00:57:24.719
saved me so many times So but once you've tested

00:57:24.719 --> 00:57:29.579
that once you've allowed him to help you You

00:57:29.579 --> 00:57:32.800
can see it but until you have it's really Scary

00:57:32.800 --> 00:57:35.320
to take that step and that's why a lot of people

00:57:35.320 --> 00:57:36.800
I honestly believe that's why a lot of people

00:57:36.800 --> 00:57:38.579
turn into alcoholics For example, if I look at

00:57:38.579 --> 00:57:41.239
my experience I used alcohol to cope because

00:57:41.239 --> 00:57:44.440
that's all I had to dull the pain and to numb

00:57:44.440 --> 00:57:47.460
the feelings that I had I coped myself, but it

00:57:47.460 --> 00:57:49.900
didn't work, did it? But when I accepted the

00:57:49.900 --> 00:57:52.780
Savior, the alcohol wasn't a need anymore. I

00:57:52.780 --> 00:57:54.940
didn't need to cope anymore because the coping

00:57:54.940 --> 00:57:57.320
mechanism was the Savior. I replaced it with

00:57:57.320 --> 00:57:59.079
something that was more than I could understand.

00:57:59.980 --> 00:58:05.619
Well, Moroni describes that faith in Christ must

00:58:05.619 --> 00:58:08.679
include hope in Christ. So the hope that you're

00:58:08.679 --> 00:58:12.659
really describing, Nathan, is not just wishing

00:58:13.280 --> 00:58:16.460
you know, it doesn't mean that. Your hope is

00:58:16.460 --> 00:58:20.639
centered in Christ, hope in Christ. And there's

00:58:20.639 --> 00:58:24.619
a power about that, right? Oh, yeah, for sure.

00:58:26.340 --> 00:58:29.579
Without it, like, we've had this conversation

00:58:29.579 --> 00:58:32.579
about hope before, and then I remember coming

00:58:32.579 --> 00:58:36.260
to your class one day, it was probably shortly

00:58:36.260 --> 00:58:40.480
before you retired. And I asked you about hope

00:58:40.480 --> 00:58:42.300
before class and then you changed your lesson

00:58:42.300 --> 00:58:44.000
and talked about hope that whole class period

00:58:44.000 --> 00:58:46.360
that whole time frame just about the importance

00:58:46.360 --> 00:58:50.079
of hope and what hope really is and What hope

00:58:50.079 --> 00:58:55.119
can do for you? Hope is an amazing thing. And

00:58:55.119 --> 00:58:57.360
yeah, it turns into faith and knowledge and all

00:58:57.360 --> 00:59:00.440
these other things but hope Keeps you going.

00:59:00.739 --> 00:59:03.000
Yeah, it's it's kind of like knowing that that

00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:05.099
sun's gonna come up tomorrow. It's it's it's

00:59:05.099 --> 00:59:08.440
hope that it's there I'll always have hope that

00:59:08.440 --> 00:59:10.679
He's there, and faith that He's there, and knowledge

00:59:10.679 --> 00:59:13.420
that He's there, you know? But hope is something

00:59:13.420 --> 00:59:16.820
really akin differently than faith, and I think

00:59:16.820 --> 00:59:20.860
it's so important. And all centered in Jesus

00:59:20.860 --> 00:59:25.440
Christ. And we really appreciate, Nathan, your

00:59:25.440 --> 00:59:31.619
sharing your story, but especially we're grateful

00:59:31.619 --> 00:59:36.920
for your example of faith in Christ and His atonement.

00:59:37.050 --> 00:59:42.550
hope in Christ and His atonement, and your example

00:59:42.550 --> 00:59:46.550
of being an individual who, knowing that they

00:59:46.550 --> 00:59:50.809
were a son of God, was willing to receive. I

00:59:50.809 --> 00:59:54.150
think it comes down to accepting it and receiving

00:59:54.150 --> 00:59:57.949
it, which is an action word. It's not just a

00:59:57.949 --> 01:00:01.670
matter of choosing it, but you had to take some

01:00:01.670 --> 01:00:04.449
action. What you've done, Nathan, throughout

01:00:04.449 --> 01:00:08.170
your life. And I know that we're all flawed.

01:00:08.769 --> 01:00:13.429
None of us are perfect. We're all sinners. None

01:00:13.429 --> 01:00:18.369
of us go through this life unscathed, but that

01:00:18.369 --> 01:00:23.190
all things can be healed through Christ and His

01:00:23.190 --> 01:00:27.500
blood. And you're an amazing example of that,

01:00:27.679 --> 01:00:31.059
Nathan. And we're really grateful. Maybe just

01:00:31.059 --> 01:00:35.320
in closing, you wanna share any feeling of testimony

01:00:35.320 --> 01:00:38.900
or closing thoughts that you have before we close?

01:00:39.059 --> 01:00:41.039
We'll give you the last word. And Nate, as you're

01:00:41.039 --> 01:00:44.389
doing this. Think about what advice you might

01:00:44.389 --> 01:00:47.829
give to parents who might be struggling wondering

01:00:47.829 --> 01:00:51.170
What could I do to help my son who might be going

01:00:51.170 --> 01:00:54.010
through something like that? If there's anything

01:00:54.010 --> 01:00:57.030
that loved ones or parents could do to influence

01:00:57.030 --> 01:00:59.650
this maybe you could include that Yeah, how can

01:00:59.650 --> 01:01:07.429
we point others to the Savior? Well, I'd love

01:01:07.429 --> 01:01:13.599
to share my testimony I I guess before I do that

01:01:13.599 --> 01:01:18.059
I'll say I had a thought the other day and I

01:01:18.059 --> 01:01:19.739
write, you know, that's part of the reason that

01:01:19.739 --> 01:01:22.760
I remember so many things. I write lots of things

01:01:22.760 --> 01:01:27.320
and I was cleaning my, I was cleaning one day

01:01:27.320 --> 01:01:28.880
listening to a podcast and I had this thought

01:01:28.880 --> 01:01:30.940
come to my mind of a story and so I wrote out

01:01:30.940 --> 01:01:32.519
this story and I won't share the whole thing

01:01:32.519 --> 01:01:35.239
but if you're a parent and you have somebody

01:01:35.239 --> 01:01:39.659
that's struggling, like I have my two older kids

01:01:39.659 --> 01:01:44.199
struggle with different things. My oldest daughter

01:01:44.199 --> 01:01:47.139
is really struggling with identity right now.

01:01:48.139 --> 01:01:50.480
Whether she's a boy or a girl or what she wants

01:01:50.480 --> 01:01:53.480
out of her life, she's struggling. And that's

01:01:53.480 --> 01:01:56.239
been hard for me to deal with too. I just, I

01:01:56.239 --> 01:01:58.480
don't know how to handle it, right? It's not

01:01:58.480 --> 01:02:01.199
an experience that I have to be able to draw

01:02:01.199 --> 01:02:05.380
on. But one thing that this story helped me realize

01:02:05.380 --> 01:02:09.000
was, you know, you think, you know, just pretend

01:02:09.000 --> 01:02:10.639
like you're on a hiking trail and you're hiking

01:02:10.639 --> 01:02:13.199
and you stay on that path and the path is clearly

01:02:13.199 --> 01:02:15.840
marked and you're on it with your family and

01:02:15.840 --> 01:02:18.059
one of your family members divert and go a different

01:02:18.059 --> 01:02:21.199
path. There are a lot of things that can happen

01:02:21.199 --> 01:02:23.699
on the path and off the path, but off the path

01:02:23.699 --> 01:02:25.800
it's scary. Like if you send a kid, you don't

01:02:25.800 --> 01:02:26.900
know where they're at. You don't know if they

01:02:26.900 --> 01:02:28.519
found a cliff. You don't know if they got attacked

01:02:28.519 --> 01:02:30.940
by a bear. You don't know. Like it's a different

01:02:30.940 --> 01:02:34.219
path. But one thing that you can take faith in

01:02:34.219 --> 01:02:37.289
is if you've taught your children to look for

01:02:37.289 --> 01:02:40.250
the signs, to follow the path that's set before

01:02:40.250 --> 01:02:43.269
you. Even if they leave it, eventually they'll

01:02:43.269 --> 01:02:47.250
find their way back to it. And that doesn't mean

01:02:47.250 --> 01:02:49.269
don't care. That doesn't mean throw your arms

01:02:49.269 --> 01:02:51.570
up the air and have a Jesus take the wheel moment.

01:02:51.610 --> 01:02:54.230
That's not what it means. It means just have

01:02:54.230 --> 01:02:58.110
faith in the fact that you've done more than

01:02:58.110 --> 01:03:01.590
you realize and the person that your kid is going

01:03:01.590 --> 01:03:04.929
to become It can't happen unless they left the

01:03:04.929 --> 01:03:07.090
path in the first place. Sometimes you've got

01:03:07.090 --> 01:03:08.809
to let it happen and you've got to stand back

01:03:08.809 --> 01:03:10.510
and let them know that you love them. Let them

01:03:10.510 --> 01:03:14.469
know that you're there. But really just make

01:03:14.469 --> 01:03:16.170
sure that they know that you're not angry at

01:03:16.170 --> 01:03:18.989
them for making a bad choice. Because if you

01:03:18.989 --> 01:03:21.590
make them feel like you're angry, they're not

01:03:21.590 --> 01:03:23.730
going to come to you anymore. They've got to

01:03:23.730 --> 01:03:27.190
know that you're still there. I think that's

01:03:27.190 --> 01:03:28.670
one of the most important things that you can

01:03:28.670 --> 01:03:31.449
do. I've seen it with students and I've seen

01:03:31.449 --> 01:03:34.289
it with my own kids. If anything, my kids will

01:03:34.289 --> 01:03:36.150
at least still come around. They may not be doing

01:03:36.150 --> 01:03:39.409
things that I agree with, but I have hope, just

01:03:39.409 --> 01:03:42.190
like with me and just like with my wife, that

01:03:42.190 --> 01:03:46.590
they may leave the path for a while, but in the

01:03:46.590 --> 01:03:49.050
wilderness is where they find the Savior. And

01:03:49.050 --> 01:03:50.690
in the wilderness, the Savior can guide them

01:03:50.690 --> 01:03:53.210
back to the path again. And if you've done all

01:03:53.210 --> 01:03:55.550
you can to that point, there's not much else

01:03:55.550 --> 01:03:57.489
you can do other than pray and hope and keep

01:03:57.489 --> 01:04:02.019
being diligent yourself. I know that... That's

01:04:02.019 --> 01:04:10.320
true. As far as my testimony goes, this, I mean,

01:04:10.440 --> 01:04:12.760
the church is amazing. The church is amazing

01:04:12.760 --> 01:04:16.960
because people look for answers. They look for

01:04:16.960 --> 01:04:19.659
who am I and where do I come from and why does

01:04:19.659 --> 01:04:22.300
God do good things for bad people and bad things

01:04:22.300 --> 01:04:24.039
for good people? I mean, these are all the typical

01:04:24.039 --> 01:04:27.179
questions. The gospel answers all of them. And

01:04:27.179 --> 01:04:29.159
if you stop to look for the answers, He will

01:04:29.159 --> 01:04:32.019
give them to you. And it doesn't have to be answers

01:04:32.019 --> 01:04:34.639
that everyone's getting. He'll answer you individually.

01:04:35.059 --> 01:04:37.099
He'll answer you collectively. And He answers

01:04:37.099 --> 01:04:39.480
you in ways that only you can understand. He

01:04:39.480 --> 01:04:42.599
comes to you on your terms in so many different

01:04:42.599 --> 01:04:45.719
ways. He talks to you in your language. He makes

01:04:45.719 --> 01:04:48.500
it so that you can understand. He isn't difficult.

01:04:48.820 --> 01:04:52.500
The gospel is not difficult. It is so blatantly

01:04:52.500 --> 01:04:56.690
easy. It's us that complicates it. I know that

01:04:56.690 --> 01:05:00.510
if you follow the gospel, if you listen, I mean,

01:05:00.510 --> 01:05:03.449
really listen to the prophet, he's not gonna

01:05:03.449 --> 01:05:06.090
lead you astray. He's not. And most of the time

01:05:06.090 --> 01:05:08.730
when he just says, to read the scriptures, it

01:05:08.730 --> 01:05:10.210
just means read the scriptures. Like it just,

01:05:10.269 --> 01:05:13.530
it's basic. Take it for the basic value that

01:05:13.530 --> 01:05:15.889
it is. Because it is, it's basic. God wants it

01:05:15.889 --> 01:05:20.349
to be simple. And the gospel is simple. I know

01:05:20.349 --> 01:05:22.170
that if you follow it, it will make your life

01:05:22.170 --> 01:05:27.820
better. I know it. If you doubt, I mean, you

01:05:27.820 --> 01:05:30.039
know, that's a different story, but try not to

01:05:30.039 --> 01:05:32.679
doubt because look, it helped me, it can help

01:05:32.679 --> 01:05:36.699
you, and it's helped so many other people. The

01:05:36.699 --> 01:05:40.219
Lord cares about you. He knows who you are. He

01:05:40.219 --> 01:05:42.780
knows who you are, which is crazy to think. He's

01:05:42.780 --> 01:05:45.880
built an entire universe with millions, I mean,

01:05:45.940 --> 01:05:48.179
know how many different earths and suns and,

01:05:49.019 --> 01:05:51.659
but he knows me and he cares about me. He cares

01:05:51.659 --> 01:05:55.360
about if I lose my AirPods. He cares about if

01:05:55.360 --> 01:05:57.360
I'm doing good or bad in the class. It's crazy

01:05:57.360 --> 01:05:59.820
to think, but he cares. And in the scriptures

01:05:59.820 --> 01:06:03.579
it says that a sparrow can fall and he will know.

01:06:04.219 --> 01:06:06.659
He knows and he cares. And if you take the time

01:06:06.659 --> 01:06:09.880
to talk to him, to really talk, not just, hey,

01:06:09.980 --> 01:06:11.880
bless the food or bless my day, bless that I

01:06:11.880 --> 01:06:13.360
can be happy, name of Jesus Christ, amen, kind

01:06:13.360 --> 01:06:15.659
of stuff. Like actually talk. Like think about,

01:06:16.000 --> 01:06:18.119
you know, you parents, think about what you would

01:06:18.119 --> 01:06:19.820
love your kids to sit down and talk to you about.

01:06:19.880 --> 01:06:22.019
If you just sit and talk to him, he'll answer.

01:06:22.529 --> 01:06:26.050
He wants to give you blessings if you ask. This

01:06:26.050 --> 01:06:30.289
gospel is amazing and he is there. I love it

01:06:30.289 --> 01:06:32.889
and I don't know where I would be without it.

01:06:33.969 --> 01:06:36.309
I'm grateful for the temple. I love the temple.

01:06:36.489 --> 01:06:38.650
The plan of salvation is so amazing. To know

01:06:38.650 --> 01:06:41.849
that my dad is there helping me and my other

01:06:41.849 --> 01:06:43.929
family is there helping me is an amazing thing

01:06:43.929 --> 01:06:47.429
too. I have a really tender testimony of that

01:06:47.429 --> 01:06:50.269
and I know that at the end of my life I'll be

01:06:50.269 --> 01:06:52.619
able to do the same thing for my family. I know

01:06:52.619 --> 01:06:55.460
it. There's life after this one. We don't just

01:06:55.460 --> 01:06:57.820
close our eyes and never wake up again. There's

01:06:57.820 --> 01:07:03.019
so much more than we just don't understand. And

01:07:03.019 --> 01:07:05.519
you know what? Listen to your leaders. I love

01:07:05.519 --> 01:07:09.280
my church leaders, the prophet and my state presidents

01:07:09.280 --> 01:07:12.880
and my bishop. I love them. They all just want

01:07:12.880 --> 01:07:17.159
to help you. I've seen that in my life too. Amen.

01:07:18.159 --> 01:07:21.019
And Nathan, one more thing. Just touch for a

01:07:21.019 --> 01:07:23.659
moment on your relationship with Jesus Christ.

01:07:25.480 --> 01:07:31.920
You know, Jesus Christ is, he's in the boat with

01:07:31.920 --> 01:07:35.539
me. I mean, as they say, he's hooked next to

01:07:35.539 --> 01:07:38.139
me pulling these same weights, and really, honestly,

01:07:38.179 --> 01:07:40.579
he's pulling my weights and my challenges without

01:07:40.579 --> 01:07:44.980
me. I know that he's there, and I feel him there

01:07:44.980 --> 01:07:51.619
often. It's more than... I mean, it really is

01:07:51.619 --> 01:07:54.420
like he's a big brother. I'm the oldest in my

01:07:54.420 --> 01:07:58.719
family, as far as siblings go, but I have an

01:07:58.719 --> 01:08:01.400
uncle who's like my brother. And whenever I need

01:08:01.400 --> 01:08:05.039
help, I can call him and he'll talk to me. He's

01:08:05.039 --> 01:08:08.679
only eight years older than I am. And that brotherly

01:08:08.679 --> 01:08:11.719
relationship that I have between him and I is

01:08:11.719 --> 01:08:14.679
a lot what I feel with a savior. Whenever I am

01:08:14.679 --> 01:08:18.079
really struggling, Or have a question or and

01:08:18.079 --> 01:08:20.899
frustrated about something It's like, you know,

01:08:20.939 --> 01:08:23.020
I can say I I really need you to help me with

01:08:23.020 --> 01:08:25.520
this Like I don't understand. How did you handle

01:08:25.520 --> 01:08:28.119
it? How did you do it? and I'll have images and

01:08:28.119 --> 01:08:31.180
thoughts or ideas come into my mind or I'll have

01:08:31.180 --> 01:08:33.260
you know a thought to write something and I'll

01:08:33.260 --> 01:08:36.380
write it down but answers come He is readily

01:08:36.380 --> 01:08:39.539
available there for me. He ever since that day

01:08:39.539 --> 01:08:42.039
I mean it really honestly before that day, you

01:08:42.039 --> 01:08:45.119
know, I know that he was there I just couldn't

01:08:45.119 --> 01:08:52.729
feel him I think you said this, Dave, best. When

01:08:52.729 --> 01:08:55.090
your wife feels bad about something, when she

01:08:55.090 --> 01:08:59.229
seeks to be forgiven about something, she feels

01:08:59.229 --> 01:09:01.109
bad about something she's done. Well, she looks

01:09:01.109 --> 01:09:04.850
up into heaven and says, thank you, right? That's

01:09:04.850 --> 01:09:08.149
how I feel. His atonement is for me. It's for

01:09:08.149 --> 01:09:11.390
you. It's for everybody. And whether or not you

01:09:11.390 --> 01:09:14.090
want to let him pay that price for you, it's

01:09:14.090 --> 01:09:16.560
already happened. So you can accept it or you

01:09:16.560 --> 01:09:19.300
cannot but if you accept it at least you don't

01:09:19.300 --> 01:09:22.300
let it go to waste I know it's hard sometimes

01:09:22.300 --> 01:09:24.159
to let people help you but he's already done

01:09:24.159 --> 01:09:28.079
it and he wants you to let him step in and He

01:09:28.079 --> 01:09:30.060
wants you to let him bridge the gap and he wants

01:09:30.060 --> 01:09:33.859
you to let him Make weak things strong and I

01:09:33.859 --> 01:09:38.359
hope and pray every day that I Make him proud

01:09:38.359 --> 01:09:42.579
because he's done everything for me Thank you

01:09:42.579 --> 01:09:45.850
so much Nathan sure love and appreciate you brother

01:09:45.850 --> 01:09:49.270
our friendship you and your sweetheart jess and

01:09:49.270 --> 01:09:52.449
your family you've had a lot of tough stuff brother

01:09:52.449 --> 01:09:55.890
you've you've been asked to face a lot of things

01:09:55.890 --> 01:10:00.909
in your young moldable shapeable life and our

01:10:00.909 --> 01:10:03.970
heavenly father loves you and and is using you

01:10:03.970 --> 01:10:06.250
what an instrument oh my goodness what an instrument

01:10:06.250 --> 01:10:11.140
you are nathan I feel his great love overpowering

01:10:11.140 --> 01:10:14.760
all of us today for you as you've experienced

01:10:14.760 --> 01:10:17.739
your strength and hope. What a blessing you are

01:10:17.739 --> 01:10:21.039
to students. Yeah, indeed. And us. Family. And

01:10:21.039 --> 01:10:23.699
to our listeners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And

01:10:23.699 --> 01:10:27.600
what an example of the embodiment of Ether 1227.

01:10:27.800 --> 01:10:31.479
Thank you for that. It's been a great podcast.

01:10:31.600 --> 01:10:34.100
It's been good to be with you all today. We look

01:10:34.100 --> 01:10:37.470
forward to our next. opportunity to be together

01:10:37.470 --> 01:10:40.350
next week. Make sure that you tune in and until

01:10:40.350 --> 01:10:43.189
then, may God bless you. May you fill his spirit

01:10:43.189 --> 01:10:47.229
continually to be with you and please do everything

01:10:47.229 --> 01:10:50.170
you can to court the spirit so that you may fill

01:10:50.170 --> 01:10:53.029
the atonement of the administration of the atonement

01:10:53.029 --> 01:10:55.630
of Jesus Christ alive in your life. Thanks everybody.

01:10:55.869 --> 01:10:56.590
Have a great week.