Hey everybody, welcome out another episode of
Redeemed Through His Blood. I'm Scott Durfey
and... I am Deb Durfey. Hi Deb. Nice job on the
queue there. I kind of caught you off guard,
but I was trying to talk Deb into doing the intro
part, but she wouldn't do it. Maybe we'll get
her to next time. I don't have that power voice,
so welcome everybody. I would say hi friends.
Yeah, well that's probably more inviting anyway.
How are you babe? I'm good. A lot's happened
since we recorded last time. Yeah. Happy anniversary.
Thank you. Yeah, and thanks to all of those who
commented on the anniversary on our anniversary
on social media. We appreciate that. 23 years
of bliss. Pure bliss. Pure bliss. We giggle on
purpose. Yeah, at least we're not saying halfway
done anymore, so that's good. We as in you said
that. I never said that. Oh, yeah. Well, Our
anniversary is really kind of special, obviously,
to us and to some of our kids. But it's a time
for both of us, I think, when we remember big
changes happening in our lives. For me, the most
important, I think, probably for you two, Deb.
And we can talk about that in a minute. But we
kind of started off our marriage in a little
bit of an abnormal. way in more ways than one.
Would you say that? Yeah. My favorite question
is when people say, where did you guys meet?
Yeah. And we always look at each other and kind
of grin because we did meet in the LDS substance
abuse mission in a recovery meeting. Yeah. And
that's how you say it. When people ask me, how
did you guys meet? I just say rehab. Because
I like to shock people, I guess. Yeah. You and
Jessica. Yeah, that's probably true. That's probably
true. What I was actually referring to wasn't
just that. I mean, that was definitely out of
the norm for sure. And we were newlyweds with
seven children. Seven kids, our wedding party,
I guess. My best men were Trevor and Dakota and
the kids, Ann Bowen and the boys that I coached
baseball at the time. That was kind of cool.
Still not what I was referring to. For our honeymoon.
For our honeymoon. You kind of got to put a story
on this because we're going to sound really weird
when you say this. But get ready to be shocked.
OK, go ahead. We're pretty worried anyway. I
mean, as you said, we're really nerdy right when
it comes to this stuff. We spent our first day
of our honeymoon at Education Week at BYU. And
we loved it. And we've loved it so much. We've
been back every year since. To celebrate. Including
this year. Friday. We went and spent the entire
day. I went all day Thursday. I like to go get
in the deep nerdy stuff by myself for a day.
Deb had to work and then we were able to go on
our anniversary. It was really cool. We started
the day in the temple, which was the most important
part. Yeah, that was pretty sweet. We had we
had some really cool temple experiences though
on our honeymoon, too. So right after Education
Week, it was the following month. Oh, it was
in September. Oh, you wrecked my story. OK, color
it any way you want. Now we know the truth. Yeah,
the Scots absent -minded. We ended up going to...
Well, the next month was only a week later. I
know. Okay, okay. So we ended up going to Nauvoo,
Illinois. Ever heard of it? Yeah. That's where
you met my dad. And mom. And mom. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, first time. They were on a mission, so
they didn't attend the wedding. No. So that's
when actually when they did civil marriages in
the temple American fork. Yeah temple. Yeah,
and so we were married civilly until my Ceiling
was cancelled to my first husband, right? And
so we were married civilly and then we went out
to Navu and You met met the parents And then
we did sea leans at the NavuTel pole. Exactly.
That's what I was getting at. That was so cool.
So cool. Anyway, sorry to burden you with all
of that personal stuff, but it's kind of been
kind of important to us. And you know what? It's
part of our story, part of our journey, part
of everything that's been about. We've tried
to be pretty... transparent about all of that
here on the podcast. Things have kind of shifted
as you've noticed since Dave left where we've
been kind of more focusing on. Deb and mine's
experience a little bit more than just going
straight with the experience and the doctrine
I guess that's because we're a little bit more.
We're not David. We're more qualified in that
area. Speaking of David, we got an email from
him the other day. They're having a wonderful
experience with the young adults, young single
adults in Australia. I love that. I know. I know.
So Dave and Chris, if you're listening, we love
you. We miss you. Get back to work. You know
what it's funny because when you say when you
talk about Dave and Chris then I think about
my younger brother Eric and Kerry who are serving
as mission presidents in Detroit and I just want
to do a shout out to them because I follow them
on social media and I know that was Kerry's very
sister graves her discomfort zone with social
media. She's killing it. Yeah, you wouldn't know.
She's doing a phenomenal job. I noticed some
of the stuff that they had on Instagram the other
day at a man that made me so trunkey for a mission.
I love it. Yeah. Yeah, they're doing a phenomenal
job. I just I can't even imagine how wonderful
those guys are. I know mission leaders. Yeah,
what the God look forward to going and seeing
them in a maybe next summer or whatever. Okay.
Here we are. Anything that we need to wrap up
from last week, babe? We did say that we were
going to talk about faith this week. We reminded
everyone, including ourselves, to take a personal,
did you take a personal inventory? And where
are you with faith? I think those were the questions
that we ended with was, you know, I honestly,
I think if I don't write it down, I'm not taking
a personal inventory. Like in my head I I do
a lot of self -talk and Maybe some of it's out
loud. I'm gonna have to pay attention if I talk
to myself out loud when I take a personal inventory
it's more about How am I doing? How am I feeling?
How's my connection? How's my you know, I don't
I should write it down I think I think it would
be more beneficial if I wrote it down Have you
ever done that? I have in the past, but I don't
do it very often So I should probably do that
more often. Well, officially, there's not a right
or a wrong way. I know. Officially, officially.
Now, effectively, or whatever, maybe there is
a better way. Well, journaling too. Yeah. I mean,
I'm not that good. I used to be super good at
it. And then somebody, my journal got in the
wrong hands and it kind of scarred me. Oh, really?
Yeah. So I just, I, keep things, I don't know.
Yeah, that's interesting. I've had some personal
inventory come up this week. Yeah. Yeah. I don't
really want to talk about it, but it has included
some writing, and it actually included a reach
out to my priesthood later. In Alcoholics Anonymous,
we have this thing that's called the spiritual
axiom. You remember that? Are you familiar with
it? And this is I'm going to read it exactly.
So let me just turn I hadn't planned to bring
this up. So give me bear with me while I look
this up quickly. But the spiritual axiom basically
has a lot to do with this. exactly the thing
that we're talking about inventory, personal
inventory, right? Again, this is called the spiritual
axiom. And this is found on page 90 of 12 steps
and 12 traditions from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Okay. And here it is. It is a spiritual axiom
that every time we are disturbed, no matter what
the cause, there's something wrong with us. How
do you feel about that? Let me read it one more
time. There is a spiritual axiom that every time
we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there's
something wrong with us. You want to know exactly
where I went? Pride. Low end and high end pride.
It's all about me. Yeah. I mean, that's exactly
what it brought up when you read that. So I had
a situation where I... became disturbed and it
was in a church setting. It was on Sunday in
a church setting where I became disturbed and
I needed to take a look at that and I needed
to take a look at what's my part. I'm still in
the process of all of what's my part. But it's
mostly all my part. Now that doesn't mean, as
a matter of fact, the behavior that I'm referring
to or what happened here, there's nothing wrong.
Right. There's no offense. There's just nothing
wrong. And I know I'm trying to be vague here
because I don't want to divulge all of it. However,
we can do something one way. And depending on
our state of heart, you know where I'm going
with this, right? So it's not about what we do,
it's about who we are while we're doing it. It's
not necessarily about what we say, it's about
who am I while I'm saying it or what is my state
of heart while I'm saying it or while I'm doing
it. Sometimes in church, stuff gets brought up
that really kind of has echoings of past type
of judgments and past type of viewpoints, not
from the church, but from the people in the church.
And, you know, my story consists of many years
of being in a dark, dark place, you know. But
I came back from that dark, dark place and there's
not many. There's not a lot. And I'm not patting
myself on the back. I consider myself to be the
most fortunate, most blessed among everybody
to have this second, third, fourth and fifth
chance, right? But for every person that comes
back, there's 10 that don't. And there's and
I don't know those are accurate. That's hyperbole
potentially, but it's definitely, you know, an
estimate. But there are fewer that come back
than actually do come back. And I think part
of the reason for that is some of the attitudes
that are perpetuated and probably unintentionally.
And some of these attitudes were being displayed
in a meeting that I was in. And I spoke up. And
I spoke up. And what I said was not offensive.
But it felt weird to me, and the reason I think
that it felt weird to me is because I wasn't
responding in a Christ -like way. I wasn't responding
to a problem that was happening in a way that
could be constructive. I was responding to it
out of a position of defensiveness. I was responding
to resentments that I was still hanging on to
that were old resentments that I haven't completely
dealt with. So it was a trigger? Yeah. Perhaps.
Yeah. Yeah. And so because of that, I became
disturbed. It's a spiritual axiom that every
time I'm disturbed, no matter what the cause,
there's something wrong with me. And I had to
take a good hard look at that. I'm still taking
a good hard look at that. I'm in the process
of taking that inventory because if that's true
for me still today in one area, after 26 years
of sobriety and working on my sobriety, you know,
first off, I don't apologize for that because
I'm human. Yeah, but second off I do need to
take a look at it and just because I'm 26 years
sober doesn't mean I'm done growing Yeah, and
it doesn't mean I'm done working on this stuff
Yeah, and it doesn't mean I'm done exercising
faith unto repentance So that I can get this
stuff wrapped up. It's a big awareness Yeah,
and it's been pretty much for not giving details
because that was pretty detailed I think I pretty
much detailed it. Good job, puke truth. Yeah,
it's been uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable for
me. Which is good. Somebody I know always says
there's no growing in the comfort zone and no
comfort in the growing zone. That'd be you. I
know. Yeah, anyway. That's why when I get uncomfortable,
I'm like, oh boy, what do I get? What do I get
to learn now? Yeah. And it's not uncommon for
me to be uncomfortable. Yeah. Me too. Me too.
Yeah. That's pretty awesome to have that awareness
and to reflect, you know, put the mirror in front
of your face and go, okay, what's my part? One
of the things that I've learned in my recovery
process is that I really do need to look at my
part in everything in every conflict and every
Now it when things are going great It's way less
important that I look at my part You know what
I mean for sure when things are going really
good for me. That's when I need to look more
at his part You know, but but that's the other
thing too is when things aren't going great for
me that I need to also look at his part Right.
Yeah, and going back to that Adam Miller quote
when we get out of the way of self Keeping the
law of the gospel is work of relying on Christ's
merits, not the work of generating your own.
Of course, that's a quote from what excerpts
from Letters to a Young Mormon, right? Yeah,
we quoted it last week. Last week, I think Beck
actually called and wanted a copy of it from
me. Hi, Beck. We love you. Hi, Beck. We love
you the most. Do you mind just reading that whole
thing again? Yeah, it's just it's just too good.
Keeping the law doesn't earn you heavenly merits
and breaking the law doesn't earn you hellish
merits. Both merits and demerits are about you.
The purpose of the gospel is to point you away
from yourself. And I think that's what you're
saying. Yeah. You know, point your point you
away from yourself free from the self obsessed
burden of your own story. and center you on Christ.
You don't need to generate merit in order to
be saved. You need instead to come unto Christ
and rely wholly upon the merits of him who is
mighty to save. The gospel points wholly to Christ
and his grace, keeping the law of the gospel.
is the work of relying on Christ merits, not
the work of generating your own. It's still hard
work, but it's a work of an entirely different
kind. And so when you shared that story, I mean,
that was, that's exactly where I went again to,
I got, get out of the way. That kind of goes
a little bit contrary to what the spiritual axiom,
the spiritual axiom says, when I'm disturbed,
something's wrong with me. So that is pointing
towards me, right? Yeah. But it's not really.
No. The disturbance is pointing towards me. Yeah.
The solution's pointing away from me. Yeah. That's
the point, right? That's really cool. Because
it's, but it is, I can't fix me. Yeah. Neither
can I for the record. No, she's tried. You still
trying? No, I'm okay. I'm I've retired. But But
when I have the ability, and we talk about this,
we've talked about it already, to turn my will
in my life over the care of God as I understand
him, as I'm able to begin to do that and relying
wholly on the merits of Christ, what you just
read, recognizing that when there's disturbance,
I have some onus here. I have some responsibility.
But if I'm going to take care of this responsibility,
if I'm going to sanctify, if I'm going to cleanse,
if I'm going to make right the things that are
wrong in taking this responsibility, I of myself
am incapable of doing it. Yeah. So I need to
rely on him. Yeah. You know, I always think of
a two year old when they say by myself, I'll
do it by myself. And I have a bit I have a little
two -year -old trapped in me that I'm like I
got this I Leave me alone. I got this I'll do
it by myself and I I mean in all aspects of my
life I don't I'm not one to you know ask for
help. I'm not one to Anyway, so it's it's a two
-year -old attitude that has lived with me for
a long time that I get to change I I can't do
all of this by myself. I need to rely wholly
upon him Interestingly enough, and I shared this
a little bit last week when I get in a place
where Okay, I've got myself cornered. I fell
in this pit or whatever That's when it's like
I don't have any other choice my goal now is
to have that reliance, not in a pickle, not in
a hole, not in a corner. Oh, so I want to know
how you practice that. Not when you're in desperate
need, compelled, yes, yes, to be humble. Yes.
Sometimes also known as humiliated. Yeah. And
that requires faith. Yeah. And that's really
kind of what it boils down to. One of the things
that I brought with me when I came to Alcoholics
Anonymous among the myriad of other character
defects, but my greatest, and I honestly believe
that my greatest character defect was fear. It
seemed to be the underlying problem to all other
defects. I brought to Alcoholics Anonymous major
anger issues. I brought to Alcoholics Anonymous
major insecurity issues. I brought with me major,
you name it, any kind of detachment disorder,
any kind of PTSD, any kind of, and I know that
I know that we all have varying degrees and there's
no way I want to get into a situation where I'm
trying to talk to somebody and have them explain
to me how much worse or how much worse mine is.
That's irrelevant. What's relevant here is that
we are bumping up against the problems that come
at us because of the fall of Adam and Eve, the
stuff that we've talked about. And I need a place
for relief. I need to find a place for relief.
And if that place is really what we have proposed
that it is, Higher power our heavenly Father
through his son Jesus Christ administered to
us by the Holy Ghost If that's really what it
is and how do we access it? How do we get it?
How do we bring this into our lives? I think
that's what we need to start talking about as
you were sharing that I was thinking about what
are ways that I am Coming on to him. How do I
hear him hear harkening heat or the words that
are coming to me? And you know attending the
temple and communing and being still yeah, that
is One of the hardest things in today's world
that I think we do is to be still because we
live in a very fast world. We live in a very
fast -paced life and everything is at our fingertips.
Just quick, quick, quick, quick. When I go into
that celestial room and I am just silent and
still, I feel him. I know he's there. When I
partake of the sacrament on Sundays, And I shut
everything else out to the point of I can't really
even hear the noise in the chapel of whatever
else is going on. That I really commune with
him. That's being still and that is, you know,
seeking here, Harkin and Heed. Because I get
downloads. I mean, it's like there's some promptings
that come. There's some thoughts that come that
are super sacred. But what do you say to those
of us who don't feel like we're getting that
right now? I mean, I'm gonna I'm gonna we're
gonna talk about this tonight because this is
really where we begin to talk about faith, you
know, you just told me that you get downloads.
You just told me that you... Not every time.
Well, okay. Yeah. But you just told me that you
commune with him or hear Harkin and Heed and
all these things. And that's lovely. And I love
that. And I know that you haven't always had
that experience though. And I know I haven't
always had that experience. And I know that prior
to having the faith, I'll say it today, that
prior to having the type of faith that I have
today, it didn't come easy for me. Yeah, it wasn't
it wasn't so easy as to say I'm gonna go to the
temple and everything's gonna feel better Well
first of all if I wasn't invited into the temple
at this point in my life, but So many other things
too, you know, I just didn't know I should have
you know because I had had experiences in the
past but when I'm in those dark spots Deb, I
don't remember this stuff and And not only that,
but faith seems like a distant dream sometimes.
You know what? That's a really good point because
I don't always feel it every time, but I have
felt it. And so I think I'm going to a personal
inventory now because I know that I have felt
it before and I know that I have. received downloads
that I have had a communion that it is possible.
Do I get it every time? No, absolutely not. So
I think, and this is kind of my own thing is,
you know, I should journal that. So that I can
remember those sacred moments. I do remember
one time being in the temple seeking for an answer.
I can't tell you what it was, but I remember
I was all by myself and I went to the temple
and I was weepy. I had, you know, it was a little
emotional and I had opened the scriptures and
I don't always seek, search for scriptures for
answers because it's just not always been. I
do now, but it has not always been an easy. Answer
for me and I remember sitting in the celestial
room opening the scriptures and I put my finger
down and I read it and I was like whoa that is
Profound I wish I would have wrote it down because
I can't remember to this day what it was. I mean,
that's that's that personal inventory That's
that journaling. I wish I would have written
down because that's a testifier. I remember the
moment I don't remember the scripture. I don't
remember the question I don't remember any of
that, but I know that happened. Yeah, you know
Yeah, I think that you're bringing up a point
maybe getting a little ahead of ourselves here,
but you know, how do you how do you how do you
gain more faith or how do you maintain faith?
It would be good to have that journal. to go
back and revisit that experience or something
about rereading or revisiting those types of
experiences that imprint spiritually, sometimes
indelibly, and I think that's the goal in our
hearts, those spiritual experiences. It's definitely
the case for me. But I will say this, I had faith
growing up, you know, and I was taught right.
And when I wandered, my faith went with it. My
faith went away. It dissipated a lot. And when
I made the decision and choice to come back,
regaining faith was an interesting process for
me because I had come to doubt a lot of things,
mostly in my own divinity. You know, mostly the
doubts were around the things that we talk about
very early in the podcast season. who I am, who's
I am, you know, those kinds of things. Those
were the biggest part of my doubts. But what
I found was is that there was so much fear in
the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous actually
talks about this. There was so much fear inside
of me that there was very little room for faith,
because faith and fear can't really reside in
the same spot. Do you think that's what got,
I mean, maybe encouraged you? I mean, when you
said I had faith, But it wasn't enough. And then
I, yeah, absolutely. The memory or the rememberings.
Absolutely. Definitely. You know, to the to the
credit of my parents, my family, others. Yeah,
absolutely. That definitely did. But again, my
question is, and I don't know that we're answering
it. If somebody says, I don't have faith, how
do I get faith? What do you say to that? You'll
remember this you love this too. I know you do
because we talked about it in Institute I'm gonna
go to Alma chapter 32 This tells us this is the
recipe now if you will awake and arouse your
faculty's 27 I'm gonna start in 27 and I'll just
keep reading till I'm done Now behold if you
will awaken around your faculties even to an
experiment on my words Okay, so I think that's
the first key exercise a particle of faith Even
if you can no more than desire to believe let
this desire work in you Even until you believe
in a manner that you can give place for a portion
of my words Okay, let's break that down What's
happening what what's being said? You just need
a particle of faith and you just need a desire
to have faith. Yeah. Just I just want to have
faith is sometimes enough. That's a jumping off
place. Yeah. I just have a desire. I hope. Right.
I just have a little hope, a little desire. And
that's a jumping off place. And now in 28. Now
I will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if
you give place, that a seed may be planted in
your heart, behold, if it be a true or a good
seed. If you do not cast it out by your unbelief,
that you will resist the spirit of the Lord,
behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts.
And when you fill these swelling motions, you
will begin to say within yourselves, it must
needs be that this is a good seed or that the
word is good, for it begineth to enlarge my soul.
Ye it begineth to enlighten my understanding,
ye it begineth to be delicious to me. And now
behold, would not this increase your faith? I
say unto you, ye, nevertheless, it has not grown
up unto a perfect knowledge. I think that's interesting.
At that very last part, you know, even though
it's not grown into a perfect knowledge, is this
not sufficient enough faith for you? I also think
in 27 where it said desire, if you look at the
cross reference on there, it says motivations
and teachable. So if we are motivated to have
faith and if we are teachable or willing, you
know, I think that's that's desire. Yeah. And
don't you always say gratitude is the first?
Yeah. Yeah. Gratitude is the beat. beginning
of desire, right? And desire obviously such an
important component. So, Doug, when we read,
when we compare it to a seed, it's planted in
our heart. If it's a good seed, we don't cast
it out with unbelief or resist the spirit of
the Lord. Behold, it will begin to swell within
us. Okay. So, a little tiny seed of faith begins
to swell within us. What is that swelling? I
don't want you to answer this yet, but think
about this, and this is to our listeners too.
What does this swelling do? What is that? How
does that motivate me? How does that change me?
How does that make my life different when this
swelling within my breast of this seed of faith?
And when you feel these swelling motions and
begin to say within yourself, it must need to
be that this is a good seed or that the word
is good because it began to enlarge my soul.
OK, so it swells in me and now it's enlarging
my soul. What does that look like? And again,
let's not talk about that right now, but something
for us to consider privately. How can or how
does or how has faith enlarged my soul and what
does enlarging my soul look like? Right? What
does that even mean? Make me more what? How can
I be a benefit or how can having an enlarged
soul be good? We'll come back to that. It began
to enlighten my understanding. So it swells within
me. It enlarges my soul and now it's enlightening
my understanding. So because it's enlightening
my understanding of what? So, let's go back to
a scenario for me, you know, when I entered the
rooms of recovery. I didn't have a lot of faith
in recovery. I had tried to quit drinking, and
I told you, and I say this jokingly, but it's
true, multiple times a day sometimes I would
quit. I just couldn't stay quit. But when I began
to find Heavenly Father's help through rooms
of recovery, etc. And I planted that little seed
and it began to swell in me and it began to enlarge
my soul and then it began to enlighten my understanding,
enlighten my understanding of a lot of things.
Most importantly, who I was, whose I was. Even
maybe more important, now maybe not more important.
But he and then next unto that, next in line
of importance to that is that not only was I
Divinely his not only was had I entered a covenant
relationship So now I was not just heavenly fathers,
but also a child of Christ and because of all
of that I had access to blessings that could
Enlighten me enlarge my soul swell in my breast
and that faith became like a helix, you know,
it began to gain power Because of the power that
I was having there. I was able to momentum Exactly.
I was able to get another day sober and yet another
day sober and yet another day sober. And then
finally it says in ye it beganeth to be delicious
to me. And I think that's interesting. You know,
we're talking about a seed. This is incidental.
I've just kind of put this in your Jewish collection,
but we're talking about the seed talked about
in verse 28 and those three four adjectives that
I use swell within your breast, I guess as a
verb, not an adjective swell within your breasts.
It began as to enlarge so se my soul and it began
as to Enlighten so se and then it began as to
be delicious D the spell seed kind of cool I
know I have it marked in my physical scriptures
and my digital But let's not that let's not let
the coolness of that little anecdote there distract
us from the importance of what we're talking
about. Yeah Faith. Yeah, just the smallest desire
And it's so important. I mean, we can't skip
past faith when it comes to putting on the Atonement
of Jesus Christ, when it comes to overcoming
everything in the fallen world, we have to talk
about faith and how do we get it, why it's important,
etc. I think there's different things that we
can exercise our faith in because there's things
that I don't have a lot of faith in right now.
I mean that I could, you know, plant that seed
and Have a desire to to have that that piece
of You know grow I mean faith is not just a general
Knowledge if I have faith everything in my life
is going to be wonderful. It's like there's there's
certain voids in my life that You know that I
need to plant one of them. I'm gonna tell on
myself Fasting and keeping the Sabbath day holy.
I think that's that's one of the one of the Things
that I really truly need to exercise faith in
have a desire have a have a better understanding
of You know, I used to be a great faster. I used
to be you know Keeping the Sabbath day holy was
not an issue now. I'm just Now I am just a little
bit lazy in it It's like oh, I forgot to go to
the store. I'm just gonna run pick something
up. Oh, I'm hungry. Let's just go grab something
to eat So it's that's definitely an area where
I could exercise my own faith man. I am really
telling on myself Well, what do you say to the
person though we have listeners who are struggling
I got an email just the other day from we got
an email in the podcast just the other day from
from one of our listeners who's really struggling
in a relationship, not just a relationship with
the spouse, but a relationship in the family.
You know, the whole family seems to be falling
apart and just so much wants to be able to believe
that there can be change and hope for them. So
this person, as they were Sharing this with me
shared a desire. I just wish I had more faith
I just wish I had faith that Heavenly Father
could heal us or that he would heal us I think
that that was the point, you know, I talked about
how I used to believe I knew that God could and
would if he were sought You know, we say that
in alcoholics anonymous all the time that God
could and he would if he were sought if we just
seek him I was believed he could and I always
believed he would for you but not for me And
I think that's what this person's saying. So
Deb, where do we shift that? Where do I come
up with that faith that he will for me to you're
kind of chasing the tail here because if he were
sought is a step of faith and Believing that
he would could and would is a step of faith,
right? So I mean it's a I mean that screams faith
to me God couldn't would if he were sought so
He could is a faith. He would is faith. And if
he were sought is happening faith. So it's like
that just oozes faith. You know what occurs to
me and miss kind of maybe my experience with
all of this was when I really needed help. That's
what I'm saying. You're compelled. I know I'm
always better at seeking. And that's fine. I
mean, if that's how we have to come by our faith,
then so be it. I don't want to do it in pain.
Okay, but I can't push rewind so this is the
way it was and it is for me. When I was going
through the worst part of it. of whatever I got
I remember I wrote a little story wrote it out
on my 15th anniversary of sobriety remember I
went back and reread that I won't burden our
listeners with that today but I went back and
reread that and it really reminded me of the
point of desperation where I was at one point
in my life I was bankrupt spiritually bankrupt
financially bankrupt emotionally bankrupt I was
bankrupt I Every level I had nothing more to
offer to life period and and I really saw it
that way There that's in the end we read about
you know in Alma and we're gonna talk to Nick
in a couple of weeks about this scripture that
touched him so much but I felt like I was snatched
to and When I when I felt like I was snatched
out of that situation I Knew that If there was
a God and I believe that there was and that if
he loved me and that's where I had difficulty
with my belief is because How could he love me?
I had to let him down. How could he be happy
with me? How could he have any kind of hope in
me? I had broken all the commandments I had done
gone contrary to all the things that he wanted
me to do And so I had it I was indicted I was
indicted by myself. I was indicted by my beliefs
by the systemic judgment of the church and everything
else, right? So my faith came by through desperation,
kind of a crying out. Well, it sounds like you
had a little desire in there. There was a ton
of desire. And I think that's where it begins,
right? And that's, again, what we just read is
no more than desire to believe. There you go.
I mean, That's in a seed. I mean, especially
when they compare it to a mustard seed, I know
it doesn't refer to a mustard seed in here, but
I have a little tiny pendant that has a teeny,
tiny mustard seed in it. It's not very big. And
if we have that enough desire to seek and to
nourish, I mean, he will cause that swelling.
He will enlarge it. He will enlighten it. and
it will be delicious. I mean, it truly is. You
know, put it to practice. Just focus on one thing,
and I gave you two that I'm good at work on,
that I, you know, put that to practice. He wouldn't,
couldn't would if he were sought. Am I seeking
out? I mean, am I, do I really want this? Do
I really have a desire? So it's it's one of the
things that we have to ask ourselves What is
it that I need to work on? What is it that I
need to focus on? How can I become who I'm meant
to become? Well, and I guess for me it always
boils down to why why do I want that? For me,
it's because by contrast I don't want the other,
for sure. And it's even more than just a contrast.
It's the inviting invitation come unto me. It's
the inviting invitation to, you know, take my
yoke upon you for my yoke is easy and my burden
is light and all of that. But I think that to
the level that I'm willing to exercise a particle
of faith that my Heavenly Father more than meets
me. As I as I do it and that can be in anything
You know, there's so many things in my life right
now where I need to exercise faith, you know
faith in and trust and and In order for me to
really do that I got to know him I Got to spend
time with him like you said I got to go to the
wherever I got to go to spend time with him I
need to spend time with him to allow him to express
his love to me. When was the last time you filled
his love? Recently? Oh yeah. Today? Yeah. And
if we could all fill his love on a daily basis
or an hourly or even as frequent as possible.
But I make an effort. I think that's the thing,
the difference between me now and me then. But
I make a conscious effort every single day to
connect, to make time for the Savior. literally.
And sometimes my prayers are brief and sometimes
my prayers are deep and heartfelt. But every
single day I have to make room for him. I have
to because my life gets chaotic. I would bet
that even your brief ones are heartfelt. And
because that's who you are. And that's how that's
how I think eventually we become as we begin
to exercise. Faith. Faith in Jesus Christ. Faith
in what? Faith in his love for me. Faith in his
atonement. Faith in all of the cleansing things
that come with it. Faith in ways that he can
help me become stronger and break this brokenness
part of me and heal. Give me a new heart. A broken
heart is an open heart. There's certain areas
I need a new heart in. This this kind of reminds
me talking about faith reminds me of when we
were in Bear Lake and our little Eden who was
three at the time fell off a balcony and she
she fell 15 feet and She hit her head and I was
underneath the balcony and I watched her hit
the con well I watched her hit the con the rock
wall and then the concrete floor and I honestly
thought I just watched a child go through the
veil. That was my first thought. And as I knelt
down over her, I literally just said, God, please
be with this child. This was Jessica's second
daughter, who she had. Gone through infertility
and fought to get this little one here and I'm
laying there watching this limp three -year -old
and As she sat up on her own I Remember thinking
this is a miracle and Then as we took her to
the ambulance or called the ambulance to take
her to the nearest hospital I followed that ambulance
so close and I was like, this is a miracle. I
had a tender, tender moment that I got to see
my dad's hand who had already passed through
the veil in that moment. And I knew I had faith
that it was going to be okay. And then when we
got to the hospital and found out that her skull
had three cracks in it or two. And then she was
life -flighted and this was during COVID. So
Jessica wasn't able to go in the helicopter with
her. And we talked and just prayed and I know
that you were back at the cabin with Stevie.
And I know you guys knelt and prayed. And I think
that was a moment of faith that we could all,
unitedly, plead. And we literally witnessed a
miracle because when that child got to primary
children's and they admitted her there was literally
Now anybody in the medical world knows this is
a full -blown miracle. You don't crack your skull
without swelling or Interior or exterior bleeding
and there wasn't And that child was released
from that hospital within 24 hours and said,
don't let her bumper head. Now, I, I under, I
literally, when, when president Nielsen says
seek and expect miracles, we literally witnessed,
literally witnessed a miracle. I remember texting
my family, pray for Eden, pray for Eden. So not
only was there. That faith it was like now we
need all Everyone yeah on on board And I think
that was such a testimony builder for me To know
To have faith that he would heal and to see that
he did because that child she's seven now and
You'd never guess she does make jokes about it
a little spicy kid, but She is definitely a great,
great one. Well, for every experience like that,
though, there's there's a hundred of us that
are, you know, just hoping to have enough faith
to be able to drag ourselves out of bed in the
morning because we're suffering from debilitating
depression. For sure. There's there's hundreds
of us that are suffering because I just can't
put down the drug or the drink or the pornography
addiction or whatever the case may be. There's
a hundred of us and on and on and on and on.
Yeah, you know, faith can come to us to some
of us more easily at times than others, but it's
important. And, you know, and I think next week
we'll probably talk a little bit more about faith,
about how to and through a relationship with
him, faith becomes a more easy, a more natural
process as we learn to love him and be with him
and really learn to trust in him. Well, and I
think, you know, faith doesn't. doesn't fix our
circumstances. No. It transforms us. It teaches
us just like that experience that was a testimony
builder for me of what faith could do. Well,
there was a story. We heard this at, and I'll
end with this, but we heard this at Education
week, you know, and I think Scott L. Anderson,
I think is the one that told the story, and Elder
Bednar actually tells the story very similar
to this, and you know, I don't know if it's a
different version of the same story, but here's
the story. Yeah, so he shared a story about a
family that had this three -year -old little
girl that they took her into the hospital or
into the emergency room. They basically said
she's fine, sent her home while she was, was
misdiagnosis. And she ended up going home and
her appendix burst. And so they took her back
to the hospital. They, they did everything they
could and she, she went into surgery to get her
appendix removed. And, and the mom was just pleading
and, and fear. And she, she just prayed and prayed
and prayed and, and she had this. feeling, do
you have the faith for her to be healed? And
she says, yeah, I mean, she's getting overwhelming
feelings. And she says, do you have the faith
that she won't be healed? And she didn't answer.
And she said, for four hours, I wrestled with
that. Do I have the faith for her not to be healed?
Yeah, do I have the faith for her not to be healed?
And she says she pondered it and pondered it
and prayed and cried and prayed and cried and
pondered it and she says four hours later I finally
got back on my knees. I was all by myself and
and I said, yeah, I'm I'm ready and within the
you know, a very, very, very short period of
time. Her three -year -old passed through the
veil and she says, I had so much peace because
of that faith. Not because it's easy to bury
a child, not because it's easy to lose a child,
but that she had the faith that it was God's
will not hers. So again, faith doesn't change
necessarily or fix our circumstances, but it
can transform us. Yes, and it does. Right. Ken
and Will, if we allow it. And I think that's
where we go. You know, where do we need God's
power right now? What would it look like if I
could trust him there? Maybe that's our invitation
for this week. You know, the desire and plant
that tiny seed. We talk about personal inventory.
We're inviting you, our listeners to take this
same personal inventory and just ask yourself,
where do you need God's power right now? And
what would it look like if you could trust him
wholly in that area? We just want to say to everybody
that wherever you are, however you're feeling,
we understand that this faith thing, and we will
continue to talk about it a little bit, but we
understand that it's extremely broad, and we
understand that we all come with different levels
of faith, depending on where we are and any given
circumstance can change a lot of things for that.
So it's a constant effort on our part. And we
just need to remember that we don't have to have
perfect faith. Jesus isn't waiting for us to
get perfect in any of that. to get everything
all cleaned up before we come to him. He just
wants us to come to him. Yeah, he meets us right
in the middle of our doubt, right in the middle
of our mess. That's where his grace shines the
brightest. That's where he can help us enlighten
and enlarge and grow. So come as you are, broken,
doubtful, hopeful, questioning, searching. You
truly are not alone. And don't forget you can
send emails to us. We'd love to hear from you.
He redeems us at gmail .com. And if this episode
touched your heart, we hope that you would share
it with someone you love, a friend, a family
member, anyone who could use a little bit more
hope right now, which is all of us. And hope
leads to faith. Yeah, it sure does. Yeah. So
next week, you know, we'll talk more about, we're
going to talk a little bit more about faith,
how it can apply in our lives. We're going to
talk about how he doesn't just redeem us. He
heals us. He lifts us, He transforms us in our
everyday lives and faith can really give us impetus
to all of that. Thanks for being with us and
remember there's always hope through Him because
you have been redeemed through His blood. Thanks
for being with us everybody and until next time
be well.