Hey there, everybody. Welcome out to another
episode of Redeemed Through His Blood. Scott
Durfey here, as always joined by my sweetheart,
Debra. What's up, babe? Hi, everyone. How about
my friends? How are you? I'm good. I'm actually
kind of comfortable and. Calm right now, I might
be able to shut my eyes and nap. Please don't
do that. Yeah, you do look comfortable in my
leather chair. I have this beautiful leather
chair that Deb bought me for Father's Day sitting
here in my office. And, you know, in the entire
time we've been doing this podcast, I'm sitting
in my office chair and David was sitting there
for the first three years and now you're sitting
there, which I'm fine with. I love that. I love
this chair. It is comfortable. I know. Yeah.
I'm a little sad. Yeah, why are you sad? Well,
I got news. We got news recently that one of
our friends and alcoholic synonymous died from
an overdose. That is so sad. It's not uncommon.
No. Unfortunately, but so sad, you know, just
we just don't know. Right. You just don't know
what drives a person, what what what battles,
what demons we carry. It's just so hard sometimes,
Deb, to be involved. You know this, you're involved
too, but it's just so hard and so heavy sometimes
to be involved and just see the wickedness and
the throws of addiction. Oh, insidious. I think
that was the thing you said the other day when
I told you about that. Insidious disease. Yeah.
So sad. I know, right? It's heartbreaking because
these are people we love, love, love and care
about. Yeah. Yeah. So heartbreaking. Another
one that we're close to and know quite well is
battling addiction in the deepest, darkest, even
today. You know, going through detox and rehab
and a bunch of other things and, and so many
others. I mean, just countless. And, you know,
oftentimes, Deb, I think, I think you and I,
we come across as this happy -go -lucky, you
know, we got it made and, you know, from the
outside looking in, maybe it's not always as
though it seems. It's an illusion. It's an illusion.
It's not always what it seems, right? If you
really knew. You had the glass wall into the
lives. You know, as I listened to the last week's
podcast and I don't typically like, I'm not a
big fan of listening to myself, but I just, I
had had a few people reach out to me and say,
gosh, Deb, that was so amazing. Of course. lot
of them's family and friends but they were just
cheering me on but I thought I hope I did not
come across as knowing everything or this facade
of we have this perfect little life we sure make
the best of our life. And we definitely have
our challenges and messes and yeah, well, we
make the best of our life today. Absolutely.
That doesn't mean tomorrow we will. And it doesn't
mean that sometimes, even since we've got our
stuff together, that we still have those those
dark feelings and days and troubles and and we
respond to the accusations of the accuser. I
do. Yeah, I think we all do. And we we have this.
belief that, you know, my, my mom was the queen
of keeping positive affirmations all over the
house. And she was always think positive, think
positive and it's a great, you know, thing to
think. Definitely better to think positive than
not, right? It's true. It's true. But anyway,
I just, I think one of the things that made me
reflect this past week was just thinking about
how much we put on the emphasis of we have to
put on our best and look our best and and be
our best and yeah that's that's all good but
we're not always our best and I think we need
I need to remember that we can bring our mess
and our brokenness among the you know the saints
we can bring them among each other and it's interesting
today I had an experience. I was talking to a
lady that she was telling me about someone in
her life who's battling alcoholism, and she is
completely foreign to the idea of the disease
or anything. And I all of a sudden became the
expert for some reason. And I kept saying, hey,
this is an insidious disease. And I just thought,
I am not the expert. I am not the expert at this.
But the one thing I did tell her is there is
hope. There is hope. And you know, she was telling
me about how much this gentleman was just trying
to keep it from the family and how the family
is finding out now and his kids are finding out
and active members of the church. And that was
me. you know, the active member of the church
that's trying to, you know, live my secret somewhere
else and not let anybody know. You know, we had
actually originally planned tonight a topic for
the podcast. And before we get too far into our
topic today, there's a couple of other things
I want to say. But Deb, this is exactly what
we need to talk about right now, because we're
all kind of there. We're all just at spots where
There's just things we just don't want others
to know. And it's okay. We should put our best
foot forward. I get that. But sometimes do we
put our best foot forward at the expense of being
real and being able to be in that powerful relationship
with our Heavenly Father? Well, and I think even
being authentic. I love that on the medallionship
in AA, it says, to thine own self be true. And
I think that is such a critical even piece of
doctrine that we all can kind of put in front
of us is just be true to you. You know, honesty
is literally where we get free. The truth will
set us free. And it has definitely set me free.
I mean, I remember knowing I was taking certain
stories and certain things to the grave. I was
not about to expose any of that. What would people
think? I mean, I was raised in this facade of
perfection. I hate to put a label on it, but
I remember we were on a river rafting trip one
time. As a family, we always did, and we went
with a whole bunch of people from... our hometown
and there was a lady that had been divorced and
had a lot of kids and she says, what was it like
being raised in such a perfect home? And I giggled.
I was like, perfect. What are you talking about?
And I just think, you know, sometimes we put
that perfect label on so many other people because
it looks so perfect from where we're sitting.
But I think if we had that gift to be able to
see into the hearts and I think there's been
a few conference talks on this. If we really
knew the challenges and struggles people we're
going through, we would feel and act so different.
Which we go back to the, you know, first and
great commandment, love the Lord thy God and
second is like unto it, love your neighbor as
thyself. And I think, you know, there's a lot
of wisdom in those two commandments in and of
themselves is just love. It's what the world
needs more of. Love, sweet love. Exactly, like
the song says. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I know
I felt that way. I know you have felt that way.
We had a discussion tonight, Deb and I, and Deb's
brought up a valid concern. She's like, Scott,
we don't want people to think that we've got
this whole thing figured out. You know all we
have figured out is that I'm not I'm not the
issue Jesus Christ is the issue His atonement
is the power by which I gain any kind of relief
from the bondage of self And it's okay. It's
actually in divine order that it is indeed that
way you know you're talking about a river trip
and You know, just the way people sometimes see
us and stuff like that. Deb, I had one recently.
And I'm just going to admit it. This is me being
extremely vulnerable. I had a meeting yesterday
with three really, actually five pretty important
men in my life. Three members of a state presidency
and two other. Institute teachers for the stake
and I'm looking at these men, you know, they
Once a stake president just such an amazing man
that the the first counselor the second counselor
I think rather I don't know which counselor but
We actually went to high school together and
I see him and I just think, oh my gosh, that
guy has just got it all figured out and he's
in the right spot, doing the right thing at the
right time. And then the other two Institute
teachers too, Mark and Benoit, just wonderful,
wonderful men. And Deb, by comparison, I don't
hold a candle to any of those guys in my own
mind. And this is the thoughts that's going through
my head yesterday as I'm in this meeting because,
you know, and I know why. Right? I know that
first off, the things that I'm thinking are lies.
Second off, I know that these lies come from
the accuser. I know that I'm listening to the
accuser. I know I'm being accused. And I'm listening
to that. But I feel unworthy. I feel like I don't
measure up. You know, sometimes we ask, am I
too broken for Jesus? You know, have I gone?
And it's not necessarily, have I gone too far?
But sometimes it is, have I gone too far? Boy,
I have pictures to go with those words. I felt
like I had gotten too far and there's still times
when the accuser will get my head and I'd be
questioning myself and thinking Scott You're
a fake. You're a facade. You have gone too far
You know the stuff that you teach and the stuff
that you testify of is just for them Not you,
you know, you know in that same sense of Having
that fear that you know, do I have to fix myself
before I can go to church? Do I have to make
myself right? Do I have to you know? The other
thing we have to remember is that we are all
broken. Well, there seems to be very little sometimes
comfort in numbers. There's comfort numbers when
we're putting on the happy side of ourselves,
you know, but when I'm feeling that way, when
I'm feeling like down on myself, when I'm feeling
like I am too far gone, like I am, and I still
feel that way sometimes, babe. When I'm listening
to the accuser and when I do I don't feel like
there's strength in numbers for me there, right?
I feel like that I'm alone that I'm Isolated,
you know and all that other stuff now I know
that there's a way out of it and I know how and
that's the whole point In fact, I think that's
the point to our podcast Isn't that to help all
of us you and me and and those of us and and
here's the thing When I say, and those of us,
and so when I say those of us who understand
this, I'm literally talking about all of us,
because by design, and we're going to talk about
the fall of Adam and Eve and how that all plays
into our growth and our opportunity to put on
the atonement of Jesus Christ in its fullness
in a few weeks. But, you know, in our fallen
-ness, that's where we find that we have that
need for Him. And that's where we find that he
will meet us, kind of even meet us in our mess,
right? And that's all he's asking is to come
to him. Yeah, you're right. Come to him. That's
all he's asking is to come to him. That reminds
always of the scripture, right? This is Dave's,
I think this is Dave's favorite scripture. This
is Matthew 11 28. I'm just going to read it.
Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy
laden, and I will give you rest. I think that's
great and important for us to understand, but
how does that happen? And he goes on, I said
28, but I'm going to go all the way through 30.
Take my yoke upon you. So he's asking us to take
his yoke upon us. What does that mean? So when
we take his yoke upon us, think that through
for just a second and learn of me. For I am meek
and lowly in heart, and you shall find rest unto
your souls for my yoke is easy. and my burden
is light. Deb, you were raised on a little farm
and you had cattle or whatever, cows, I should
say. We did have cows. And you'll understand
this. You know, I was raised on a little farm
and we had horses. And, you know, maybe this
kind of applies to both. But when they use when
when the term yoke is used in there. A yoke is
something that is used to bind two animals in
that case together. And if that's the case, you
know, if we're using this yoke, and if Christ
is asking us, inviting us, take my yoke upon
you, He's not asking us to pick up a heavy yoke
and carry His yoke, He's asking us to yoke with
Him. And as we yoke with him, then that power
or that strength is more evenly distributed where
we are actually able to take on his attributes
and strengths through yoking to him. And how
do we do that? He gives us a key to that in verse
19. First off, he gives us the, well, he says,
learn of me, for I am meek and lonely of heart,
and you shall find rest in your souls, for my
yoke is easy and my... Burden is light so you
shall find rest in your souls you know one of
the things I think of and this is well is I think
about when my burden feels heavy and I feel exhausted
because I'm one of those that keeps going and
going and going until I hit pure exhaustion and
there's some days I want to take my yoke and
just throw it I Literally, I literally just want
to go just carry this I want to lay down and
cry yeah, I don't I mean and I think I think
It's because sometimes I feel like I'm the one
that needs to go, go, go, you know, do exactly
what I, you know, do all that I can do and then
and then ask for help. But it's it's past that
point. But, you know, the one thing that I do
love and that I know and that I can testify of
is that in our mess and in our chaos and in our
points of chaos. that when we literally seek
Him, He meets us in our mess. He literally will
come to us. You know, and it's, I have, I've
got numerous pictures to go with those words
that, man, when I get to that fallen place of,
I just can't do this anymore. I feel Him. I know
He is there. And He lives. Have you ever noticed
this I have and I think you probably will be
able to relate to this But have you ever noticed
that for example when I when I first got sober
I had tried to get sober a million times Probably
not much of an exaggeration, right? I tell people
Quitting was not a problem for me. It was staying
quit that was hard for me. But but I but but
when I was going through that process I I felt
broken And there is part of me that is in that
process. There's part of me that is broken in
that process. Broken to not be able to, I'm just
not able to put the connected pieces to be able
to make the connection to be able to align my
will with Heavenly Father's. And when I realized,
what I realized was that as I began, well, let
me just step back a second. I thought, For example
that I had been left alone that he wasn't there
for me that I needed to go a certain distance
before I would be able to earn his Help and assistance
in my life now. I grew up with a testimony You
know that you know conversion came for me much
later than my testimony did but I grew up with
a testimony I knew that Jesus was Christ. I knew
that he lived I believed in my Heavenly Father
and all of this through all of the deep dark
days of my addiction But because I felt like
I needed to achieve a certain amount in order
to be worthy for even his help. What I realized,
Deb, is after I had achieved a little bit of
sobriety and I had come more to myself, what
I realized is that Jesus had entered my story
long before I ever realized it. Long before.
And I and I think that that's probably the case
for each of us that he's somewhere already in
that darkness He's somewhere already in that
despair. He's somewhere already in that I'm not
good enough or I don't measure up well enough
or I or I or I whatever he's already somewhere
in that story and it's It doesn't take much to
find him there. Yeah, we got to do is look. Yeah,
or you know turn our direction of, you know,
look up. Yeah. I mean, we hear that in conference
talks to turn on the light. Look up. Just look
to me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, want to nail. Yeah.
Yes. Turn to me. I remember a time I was going
through some really, really difficult things.
And I had it was before I had met you. And I
remember thinking, my life is so destroyed and
so distraught. And there is no way. I mean, I
had just received some news that had absolutely
devastated me. And I just thought my life was
crumbling. And I remember at that time going,
the American Fork Temple, the Timpanogos Temple
had just been opened. And I remember walking
in there so heavy, my shoulders were like...
just so burdened with the news and the information
that I received and I just thought I don't know
how this is ever gonna be fixed and I went through
and and pleaded and prayed and I did an endowment
and I went into the celestial room after and
I just again just poured out my heart and Pleaded
with the Lord to just please somehow And you
know, I'll never forget that day that I walked
out of that temple. Absolutely nothing had changed.
The news wasn't different, the information wasn't
different, how I felt was completely changed.
And I remember walking out of that temple thinking,
I just witnessed a miracle. There is nothing
in my story that had changed at all. I still
had the terrible news. I still had the mess.
I still had all of that. But I remember walking
out of that temple thinking, I just witnessed
a miracle. I am a totally different person walking
out of this temple than I was walking into that
temple. That's how He changes us. I mean, I brought
my mess, as terrible as that sounds, but I brought
that into His house and He healed me. He yoked
with me. I will never forget that. It was shortly
after my grandmother had passed away, and I remember
thinking, I don't think I'd be more surprised
if my grandma was resurrected right now because
of that miracle that I had just witnessed in
that change of heart. Such a huge blessing, gift.
Such a gift. No doubt. Well, and I think though
that, Deb, that's a... Prime example of how he
meets this inner mess. In fact, that's kind of
not kind of that's that's what he was born to
do. That's why That's one of the reasons that
he actually came here in Isaiah 61 this this
reminds me This is a scripture that we hear often
for those of you who are chosen listen to the
chosen This is a scripture that they often pray
together, but but it really I I think speaks
to Deb Exactly what you're talking about. So
this is an Isaiah chapter 61 verse 1 and it says
the spirit of the Lord God is upon me because
the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings
unto the meek He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted
to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening
of the prison to them that are bound That's why
The spirit of the Lord God is upon me because
the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings
This is him. This is the spirit of the Lord.
This is my father's Mission for me to carry out
is to breathe hope into the hopeless Fix that
which seems unfixable. Yeah, which goes to The
next scripture that we always quote at Institute.
One of our favorites, I should say. In Alma 7,
11 and 12, and he shall go forth suffering pains
and afflictions and temptations of every kind.
And you always pause and say. of how many kinds.
And I will continue to do that. Yes. Because
it's important for us to know, you know, because
we think we're exempt somehow. And we think that,
you know, this is I want you to finish reading
this, but we also think that the scripture. Well,
it is the scripture is actually about Jesus Christ's
atonement his atonement and oftentimes what we
think Well, yeah, that's talking about sin. Well,
of course, it's talking about sin, but it's talking
about so much more than just sin This is where
our broken pain and afflictions and pains What
how many pains every kind how many afflictions?
Every kind. Yeah. Abuses. Yeah. All kinds. Any
and all. And it's such a good reminder for me
to hear every. How many kinds? Every. But I'll
start again. And he shall go forth suffering
pains and afflictions and temptations of every
kind. And he will take upon him death, that he
may loose the bands of death which bind his people.
And he will take upon him their infirmities.
You know, one of the things that always brings
peace is to lose those bands of death because
if any, which I'm sure all of us have had someone
dear to us pass away, there is nothing that brings
more hope than knowing that one day we will be
with our loved ones again. That is the only reason
why there is not so much despair and grief and
pain. And I went to funerals where there has
been not that belief. I remember watching a mom
almost crawl into a casket with her 12 -year
-old daughter. And I just thought, there's hope.
There's hope. Don't give up. There's hope. Sometimes
it feels easy to give up though. I know sometimes
we all get there I mean and throw the yoke and
there's so much to you know and as again when
we get I'm really anxious and excited to talk
about the effects of the fall of Adam and Eve
and how this all plays into this and how it's
all part of Heavenly Father's plan which is really
sometimes a little bit difficult for us to understand
how can this pain how can this confusion how
can this feeling of brokenness and despair and
and and bondage and all of this how can this
all be part of Heavenly others plan well it is
and you know the invitation is is to come unto
me so that I can heal you so that I can help
you be right so that I can fix the un the brokenness
with that you feel within you or that you think
you see within you know really none of us are
broken yeah there's nothing broken about any
of us we see it that way because we have discomfort
in this life because we have pain because we
have trial because we have opposition But none
of us are really broken. But when we feel that
way dub Then we feel like we're not worthy. We
feel like we need to qualify ourselves in some
way Often and I'm not speaking for everybody.
I don't I'm not qualified to do that But but
but oftentimes we feel like that there must be
something that I need to do before he will enter
my story. But that's just not the case. He's
in our story, even when we don't know it. And
Elder Holland kind of reminded us of that. Remember
that talk, Broken Things to Mend? Oh, yeah, I
love that talk. What was the last one? Love that
talk. Have you listened to it recently? No, but
I'm going to. OK, I'd listen to. This is one
of those that's kind of one of the if I'm sitting
on an airplane, which I do frequently flying
somewhere, this is one of the ones that if I
can't think of anything else, man, this is this
is one of my go tos. This is one of. Several
but definitely one of my go -tos in that he says
invites us to he says and I quote come as you
are a loving father says Acknowledge your mistakes,
but don't be immobilized by them And we could
also say, you know, and I'm paraphrasing when
I do but acknowledge your and then you plug it
in is it mistakes is it feelings of inadequacy
acknowledge it but Don't be immobilized by it
because we have the means to make you better.
And the means to make you better is the Atonement
of Jesus Christ. Yeah, the power available to
us through Atonement. You know, I think, you
know, as you were talking about that, I just
thought about some of the things that we put
upon ourselves. And then as a parent or even
a grandparent that I that I'm like, Oh man, that
didn't turn out the way I thought it was going
to turn out. I thought that I was going to be
a mother of 21 and have 400 grandkids and just
sit in a meadow and just play with children all
the time and things would just be lovely. I'm
stuck on mother of 21. Well, it's all I ever
wanted to be when I grew up. And I mean, it's
so interesting because now I am definitely, I'm
not a mother of 21. But sitting in a meadow with
children was basically all I ever wanted to be.
Then I also had this expectation of where I wanted
my children to be as they grew up and went on
their marial way. And sometimes I have to take
that to the Lord and say, Heavenly Father, I
am illusioned. thought that this kid would end
up like this and I thought this grand kid would
do this and I thought you know these expectations
that I place on them and you know it's not just
that well being a mom and a grandma is painful
sometimes and a dad and grandpa and a friend
and a All of that, I get it. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.
You know, we've had this conversation multiple
times before because, you know, there's a problem
sometimes when we go down those roads of listening
to the accuser, you know, my kids aren't doing
this and so that must mean that about me or my
kids aren't. aligning or you know what I mean
and it's so many times we take that as a personal
indictment on our parenting skills on the way
we lived our lives and so on and so forth and
maybe rightfully so you know maybe there's some
reason maybe there is some of some of the maybe
some of the challenges that my kids faced are
a direct result of the the life that they lived
growing up Maybe. And maybe not. Well, and maybe
not. But the point behind all that is, is then
the accuser really gets his grips on me because
I believe that sometimes. Yeah. You know, we've
talked about that and you've had to talk me off
the emotional ledge sometimes because I really
do have in the past and sometimes I still do.
This is not something that I've been able to
overcome completely. But I'll remind myself of
you know what Scott you didn't do family home
evening when you were when your kids were little
But your parents did you know what yeah, I know
I know and and that's that's that's that's the
point right? But the the the accuser doesn't
tell me but your parents did the accused were
tells me you screwed up Scotty You made a big
mistake here, which is true. I did screw up,
and I made a lot of mistakes, but that's not
the point The point is, is it's not me to save
them anyway. It's Jesus. It's His power. It's
the atonement of Jesus Christ. It's a relationship
with Heavenly Father. Now, there's challenges.
There's no question. But He meets them and meets
us. No matter where we are in our story, He's
there. Yeah. That mercy and that grace is such
a gift. Do you remember the story of the prodigal,
the prodigal son? Right? Sure do. Two sons, actually.
So the one asked for his inheritance early and
goes off and lives riotous living and probably
looked a lot like my life at one point. And then
he ended up, again, probably metaphorically,
like at one point in my life, eating with pigs.
He was eating, you know, with the animals. and
finally decided, I'm gonna go back to my dad
and just ask him if I can just be his servant.
But the father, his father met him before he
even got home. His father saw him a ways off
and ran out to meet him and fell upon him and
kissed him on his neck and brought him back in
and told everybody, kill the fatted calf. And
I'm paraphrasing, I'm not reading this. So if
I'm leaving things out or getting things a little
bit inaccurate. However, the point's still the
same. The father brings him in, but the father
ran out to meet him. He didn't wait for his son
to get in. He ran out there to meet him. And
when the son came in, he just says, I just want
to be a servant, Dad. And he's like, no, you're
my son. You inherit what I have. And I think
that that's, I know that that's what... Heavenly
Father's waiting for us to do, too, is to just
turn and make movement towards Him. But even
before we do that, His love is drawing us forward.
Yeah. I also love the idea of being literal direct
descendants of the divine. I love that. I don't
know why that's so impactful to me. Because you
think about the generations of ancestors that
we came from and all the lines of people, grandparents
and their parents and their parents and how we
came through a lot of disease, a lot of carnal.
Oh my gosh, yeah. All of the things that we experience
on this earth. And our bodies fill it. I mean,
our bodies do things while we're in this mortal
state. But this is our temporary home. This is
not our eternal dwelling. And I love when I can
think celestial, like President Nelson has said,
and go, that's not our ultimate destination.
Our ultimate destination is to return home to
our Father. Who will welcome us when we're halfway
running down the the path with open arms that
the the exact quote from Luke 15 20 is but when
he saw him a great way off a Great way off is
the adjective His father saw him and had compassion
on him and ran Didn't walk but ran I can I would
do that for my son I think your father would
do that for you too. I know my dad would. And
my dad did, in fact. And fell on his neck and
kissed him. And I know a loving father in heaven
who loves us perfect and sees us for not who
we are today, but who we are in eternity. I know
he does that too. I know he does that too. And
I know that we don't have to wait. We don't have
to get perfect. We don't have to be living a
life that we think fits a mold in order for him
to be available to us. He's waiting. He's wanting.
I love this again from, now this is another one
of my great, another one of Elder Holland's great
talks that I love. This is from the talk. the
laborers in the vineyard from April of 2012 conference.
And this is what he says, however late you think
you are, however many chances that you think
you have missed, however many mistakes you feel
you have made, I testify that you have not traveled
beyond the reach of divine love. Divine, you
are divine beings, direct descendants. That's
who we really are and when we are a great way
off he will run to us Yeah, and fall on our neck
and kiss us and bite us home. Yeah Yeah Yeah,
we're not earning a place there. Yeah, we already
belong we just need to align with it Well, you
know and then the other thing that I think that
we learned from the prodigal son to us that he
doesn't delay his embrace He doesn't withhold
his love until we get to the property boundaries.
His embrace is not delayed until we're worthy
even. It's extended because we're His, simply
because we're His, Deb. I know, back to the divinity.
We're His. Simply because we're His. So, I don't
know. What does it look like then to come to
Him? How do we do that? So we've talked about
That it's important that we do we've talked about
that he'll meet us in our mess So but but but
what is coming to him actually look like then?
Well, we often ask that question in our Institute
class that says when he says come to me where
Does he want us to come to him? So he's well,
let's talk about let's read it. Actually. Let's
let's go right to the scripture Let's go to this
is Doctrine and Covenants section 6 Verse 36.
Look unto me in every thought, doubt not, fear
not. So the more we strive to look unto Him in
every thought, have you ever done that? I've
tried. Have you? I really have tried. Yeah, I
tried it too. Before, I'd never tried, but I
tried it too. I tried it all during Holy Week
this year. And I wasn't good at it. Me either.
But it made a difference in my life to even make
the attempt. Effort. Yeah, right. So look unto
me in every thought, doubt not, fear not. So
it seems, though, you know, we're talking about
doubts and fears. Everything that we've talked
about could probably be categorized in one of
those two categories, doubt and fear. I'm not
good enough. Fear and doubt, actually, right?
What would others think of me? Fear. And doubt,
I guess. You know, anytime I'm listening to the
accuser, I'm afraid and I have doubts. So how
do I overcome that doubt and that fear as I look
unto him? How do I look unto him? He tells us
in the very next verse. Behold the wounds which
pierced my side and also the prints of the nails
in my hands and my feet. That's it. Be faithful.
Keep my commandments and you shall inherit the
kingdom of. Heaven. So how is it, Deb, that we
look unto him in every thought? Where do we look?
Where do we see him? The wounded Christ. The
wounded Christ. Yeah. Was it Elder Holland? Yeah.
That said, we worship the wounded Christ, right?
Elder Holland's getting a lot of airtime on our
podcast tonight. And I think that I love that
because. Well, we love him. Oh, man. Yeah. Coming
unto Christ is not something that's a one and
done. It's not something we achieve, right? It's
an ongoing effort. I think it's daily and for
me, by the second. Sometimes, right? Yeah. That's
how I find more Jesus. Yeah, like we talked about
last week. Yes. It's like one of those things
that it's like today at work. I think that's
my biggest place of offense because I get frustrated
with certain situations and then my thoughts
go. Oh, that's not very Christlike. That's not
very kind. Those aren't very kind thoughts. So
it's it's literally minute by minute. And I have
to go. Whoops. I messed that up. Thank you. I'm
going to try again. Yeah. But he changes us along
the way. Yeah. He you know, if we seek him. Yeah.
Yeah, it's ongoing. It's an ongoing. It's an
ongoing turning of the heart, I guess, so to
speak, right? You know, I think there's a couple
of things that we probably should point out that
can be extremely helpful. And we're going to
talk about these things as we go through the
podcast, as we really talk about, OK, how does
then the atonement of Jesus Christ make all of
this available to us? And how do I access these
blessings? And how do I qualify for these blessings?
And what does it cover? And all of that other
stuff. But there's a there's a few things that
we can begin today with. One, for example, is
we can pray. We can cry out. We can cry unto
Him. And our prayers don't necessarily have to
be the conventional kind of prayers, sweetie,
right? I often have conversation, mostly when
I'm driving. I drive south to work every day,
and usually it's on the left -hand side of me
that The sun is usually just coming up over the
mountain. And I often talk to Him, Oh Heavenly
Father, thank You for this beautiful mountain.
Thank You for this beautiful sky and this beautiful
morning. I love having conversation. And please
help me to remember who I am and whose I am.
I think that's beautiful. And to me, sometimes
I think, My most beautiful communions are when
I'm in the deepest, darkest trouble. Right? I
mean, and today the deepest, darkest trouble
looks a lot different than the deepest, darkest
trouble looked 26 years ago before I got sober.
So I'll say that. But when I'm feeling down,
you know, and I still deal with depression, I
still deal with, I hate to say it, but there
are times when I still deal with suicidal ideology.
And those kinds of things. I'm a recovering drunk.
I'm a recovering alcoholic. And there's just
something that's physically not right, I guess.
I don't know, spiritually too, right? We know
it's a spiritual malady. But I also know that
when I'm in those deep, dark times, sometimes
my prayer is just, Father in heaven, help. please
just help me please just reach down please just
give me relief please you know and it's and it's
just a crying more of a crying out more of a
just a my heart it sometimes those prayers are
not words sometimes those in fact you remember
the story of a friend of ours cowboy mike in
a and the story's been told and recorded i'm
not blowing anonymity has been all over the place.
But I heard him tell it. He's a cattleman and
was just really struggling one winter. I won't
get into all the details for the sake of time,
but really needed to call upon his Heavenly Father
and hadn't yet established a relationship, didn't
know him all that well. Well, and so he says,
all I could do is say, Father in heaven, whatever.
But that was him pouring out his heart and he
says, and in that moment, I knew God knew me
and I knew God loved me. And I think that. God's
no respecter of person, he'll meet us in our
mess and he and we don't have to be worthy to
have his love displayed to us. There's there's
there's no no nothing that we need to do in order
to be entitled to feeling His love. Yeah, that
made me remember during Holy Week when I was
reading through the intercessory prayer of literally
who we are and whose we are. I just love how
the Savior was telling, well basically gave this
prayer and how this is this is life eternal.
He's on this earth telling him before he goes
to do his ministry that they may know thee the
true, the only true God and Jesus Christ whom
thou has sent. That entire prayer, John 17, is
such a powerful thing to remember because that
right there reminds me of that again divinity
of who I am. And what coming to Christ looks
like. Yes. Yes, you know, there's really there's
kind of there's a whole bunch of ways You know,
we've kind of identified three ways that coming
to Christ can look like I mentioned the first
one Pray, Deb read mentioned the second one Even
a verse of Scripture even just something that
becomes our favorite. It gives us hope. Yeah
Yeah. I know sometimes when I'm struggling, I
quote in my mind, look unto me. Look unto me
in every thought. Look unto me. I see that as
an invitation. And it tends to draw my thoughts
and attention away from the things that seem
to be consuming me and really put them where
they matter. So there's that. And I love that
you bring up the intercessory prayer. And then
there's the third one, which is what? Try again.
Yeah, try again. Yeah, when you fall down. Yep,
you get back up again, right? Yeah, exactly Don't
give up Yeah, the accuser definitely wants us
to be stuck and he wants us to hide even when
yesterday was a mess Especially when today's
a mess You know this my One of my sponsors in
Alcoholics Anonymous, he's passed away, and his
name's Big Al. He was not a member of our church.
One of my most important spiritual guides that
I've ever had. Great man, too. Helped me find
a relationship with Heavenly Father that I hadn't
had prior to that. But one of the things that
he taught me among so, so, so many others was
that Scott, When you're having a bad day, it's
okay to start it over at any time. You don't
have to wait till tomorrow to start your day
over. You can start it over at any time. And,
you know, easier said than done. I get it. Easier
said than done for me. You know, at first when
he said that to me, I thought that's really a
Pollyanna cute little statement. But I began
to practice it a little bit. And and as I practiced
it, and I still think a big owl when I start
my day over, I had to start my day over just
the other day at work. I was having a rotten,
no good day. I was in another city. Things weren't
necessarily going great. And I had to step away
and and I didn't get on my knees because it didn't
seem appropriate in a crowded place like that.
But I bowed my head and I started my day over
and invited Heavenly Father in at this time.
And it went a little better. And so I think that's
it. Let me interrupt you just for a second, because
I remember when I was taught the concept of you
can start your day over at any time. And I think
of the big red button that you can push and go,
start again, like literally. It's just like.
Stop, delete, rewind, delete. Like the gong show.
I'm going to gong that part of my day off the
stage. Something, something. But I remember thinking,
and I still do that. I'm like, yep, I'm starting
my day over. I know it's 930 at night, but I
am starting my day over. And I've done that numerous
times. That was a gift to remember. Yeah, I agree.
So pray. Invite the Spirit into our lives through
Scripture and then just remember to just start
over. Keep trying. Start again, start again,
start again. I love Moroni chapter 10 verse 32.
And we can kind of end on this Scripture tonight,
sweetie. But, yay, come unto Christ and be perfected
in Him. And deny yourselves of all ungodliness.
And I think that that's another way that we really
can come unto Him, is by denying ourselves of
ungodliness. How do we do that? We go back to
those three things that we just talked about.
We pray, we invite the Spirit into our lives
through scripture study, and we just keep getting
back up. Yeah. And you know, we don't always
have to be in pain to seek Him. We don't always
have to... I mean, I love the word broken in
the way that a broken heart is an open heart.
And I love when the analogy of just being willing
and every Sunday when we listen to those sacrament
prayers, that they are willing to take upon them
the name of thy son. Just that willingness is
part of that open heart. that broken, open heart.
I love being able to commune every Sunday in
that ordinance room and take that brokenness
and just be willing. I think that's part of the
try. I try again, just be willing. It's so critical.
Well, you know, he's not surprised by our weakness.
He's absolutely committed gave his life in fact
as a demonstration of it to lift us and heal
us and walk with us as we go I reminded of the
quote from President Nelson from the power of
spiritual momentum one of your favorite talks
I knew you would Jesus specializes in saving
the lost lifting the fallen healing the broken
-hearted and strengthening those who are weak.
There's hope in Christ because He's always there,
Deb. Yeah, and I know that. I have lived my life
long enough to testify of that, and I am so grateful
I know that today. I am so grateful because there
have been those moments where I have literally
felt Him lift. I remember a time in my life where
I felt Him put me down. You know, you hear about
the footprints in the sand. And I remember that
physical feeling of, okay, you got this now,
Deb. And I knew he was there. I knew he was there.
Carrying me. Because there's times it was just
too burdensome and too heavy and too hard. Yeah.
I think it's important we remember, too, that
we don't have to be worthy to come. Come unto
me, all ye that labor. There's no worthiness
there. Thank heavens. We don't have to be worthy
to come. We come to Him to be made worthy, to
be made whole. And I think that's really important
for us to remember. So, you know, this week,
as we kind of wrap up the podcast tonight, just
as an invitation this week to come unto Christ
as you are. Let Him meet you in your prayers,
your thoughts, your struggles. Even broken faith,
Deb, is still faith. Even faith with questions
is still faith. We should have questions. Questions
are good. I think the thing that has been the
heaviest on me, and I wouldn't call it heavy,
but I feel like the thing that I have been reflecting
most on is there's hope for everyone. There's
hope. I mean, there were so many years that I
felt Like there was just no hope For me and to
the point that I had gone through that the steps
of repentance I had gone through all of that,
but I felt like even some of my challenges that
were coming at me were Because of choices I had
made I felt like this is the consequence I did
this so I deserve this I did this so I deserve
that it's such an interesting mindset and I think
my plea is If I could say anything to anyone
that's going through that same heavy burden is,
there is hope. And He hears and answers us. He
knows us. He knows my name. He knows everyone's
name. We are literally His. Well, as we kind
of wrap things up today, we just want to say
that wherever you are, however you're feeling,
you're welcome here. Jesus isn't just waiting
for us to clean everything up before we come
to Him. He meets us right in the middle of our
mess. That's where His grace shines the brightest.
So come as you are, broken, hopeful, hopeless,
questioning, searching. You're not alone. Deb
was right earlier. She mentioned that we'd received
some comments and feedback around welcoming Debra
to the podcast. You've done such a great job
already, Deb. We just want to encourage you to
stay in touch with us, share your stories, ask
your questions, and let us know your thoughts.
He redeems us. He redeems. us at gmail .com we
read every email we respond to as many as we
possibly can I had a great conversation with
the gentleman from Canada actually via email
this past week and then just encourage you to
keep doing that and if this episode or any other
episode has touched your heart in any way we
hope that you'll share it with someone you love
and care about Maybe a friend or a family member,
anyone who could use a little more hope right
now. And who couldn't in these tumultuous times,
as President Nielsen says? No doubt. So next
week, we're going to talk about how the Savior
doesn't just redeem us. He heals us. He lifts
us. He transforms us in our everyday lives. He
meets us where we are. We hope that you'll join
us. Thanks again for being with us. And remember,
there's always hope through him, because you
have. and I have been redeemed through his blood.
Thanks for being with us. We'll see you next
time.