1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,480 Hello, my name is Leslie Kane. 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,920 I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast. 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:11,000 This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, Why Not Today? 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,760 I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Kane, who often did say, Why Not Today. 5 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:20,200 I'm based in Reston, Virginia, a planned community right outside of Washington, D.C., and thanks 6 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,720 for joining us today. 7 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,920 And my guest today is somebody who was recommended, but I've known, and I can't believe we really 8 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:30,040 haven't met before because there's a million connections. 9 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:34,920 But today we have Steve Gurney, who is the director of Positive Aging Community. 10 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:39,280 And so I would like to start with talking about connections and, you know, how we connect 11 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,280 with people. 12 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:45,480 And Steve, I've known from the Reston community, he was and still is, big into paddle boarding 13 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:49,600 and knew who he was and just a couple of events when he was there. 14 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:54,320 But recently I was talking to a friend of mine whose parents are going through some aging 15 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,320 situations. 16 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,360 I can't even talk to Steve Gurney. 17 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,400 And then when we looked and talked to each other, it's like we both grew up in the same 18 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:01,400 town. 19 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,400 We went to the same high school. 20 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:06,920 And even after Steve that we talked the other day, I mentioned you to my sister and she 21 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:11,320 was at another event and your name came up and she's like, How have I heard that name? 22 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,600 So it's so funny how that's just all the connections. 23 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,600 So welcome. 24 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:15,600 Small world. 25 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,920 Yes, Reston is a very small world. 26 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:18,920 So welcome. 27 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,880 We're excited to have you on and talking about aging. 28 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:28,480 And I'm really trying to focus on subjects that people, my audience is kind of concerned 29 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,560 with and happening in life. 30 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,160 And we're all the age group I'm surrounded with. 31 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:36,840 And a lot of my listeners are kind of that sandwich generation. 32 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,040 Our parents are getting older. 33 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,040 We're getting older in lots of different situations. 34 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,960 So I thought you'd be a great resource. 35 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:45,960 So before we get started, why don't you introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about you and 36 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,080 a fun fact that nobody would know. 37 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,080 Oh boy. 38 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,080 Geez. 39 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:55,680 So first off, as you had mentioned, grew up in the Reston community and went away to 40 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:56,680 school. 41 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:03,000 And when I was in college, my grandfather needed to go to a nursing home. 42 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:09,360 And I observed firsthand what my family had to go through when you have a life change 43 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,360 like that. 44 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:19,280 And it was surprising to me that there wasn't a guide that made it easier for folks to understand 45 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,320 all the different options. 46 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,800 When you're being discharged from a hospital and somebody tells you you got to go to a 47 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,960 nursing home, what are the choices and where do you go and what have you. 48 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:35,120 And so when I graduated, I put together a little guide at the time it was called Guide 49 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,440 to Retirement Living. 50 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,760 I didn't think I was starting a business. 51 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:43,200 I just wanted something on my resume to help me get a better job. 52 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,160 And here I am 33 years later. 53 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,160 Wow. 54 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:53,080 I have a lot of publication that I publish is called the Positive Aging Source Book and 55 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:59,040 it lists all the different resources in the DC metro area, how much they cost, what's 56 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:04,440 included in the cost, whether it be housing or aging in place or other resources. 57 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,600 And I've been doing that for 33 years. 58 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:13,080 I sold the business to the Washington Post and I ran it under their ownership for over 59 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,080 20 years. 60 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:19,680 And about four years ago, I bought it back and I'm running it on their own again. 61 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:31,440 And the pandemic is really what sort of created the new platform that I have that is much 62 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:36,920 more interactive and therefore we've rebranded it the Positive Aging Community or the Pro 63 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,680 Aging Community. 64 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:46,560 And what happened is before the pandemic, I would host a lot of live and interactive 65 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:51,880 events for senior living professionals that were in person. 66 00:03:51,880 --> 00:04:01,960 And when we couldn't meet in person, I moved our gatherings to online and over the last 67 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:08,440 few years, what's happened is that those online discussions on every topic on aging, 68 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:15,960 we could ever imagine, have grown from just being professionals to now all of our discussions 69 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:22,960 have older adults, their loved ones and influential senior living professionals. 70 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,760 And we talk about everything under the sun. 71 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,560 But hopefully that wasn't too long of an... 72 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,560 That's okay. 73 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,160 I want to talk about some of those things. 74 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:34,600 But before I do that, what's a fun fact that people would know about Steve Burney? 75 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:41,480 Well, I'm going to just jump right into it because the title of your podcast is Why Not 76 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:42,480 Today? 77 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:50,240 And in my career, a real Why Not Today moment that I had was that I woke up one day and 78 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:55,920 realized I was an expert in senior housing and in senior living. 79 00:04:55,920 --> 00:05:00,480 And I never spent the night in one of these communities. 80 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,720 I'd interviewed hundreds of people. 81 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,120 I visited over 500. 82 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:06,480 I knew a lot about them. 83 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:11,200 I helped a lot of people make the transition, but I'd never experienced what it's like to 84 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,080 actually live in one of these communities. 85 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:19,760 And it sort of struck me as it's like working in a restaurant but not eating the food. 86 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,040 And so I'm 57 now. 87 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:29,760 When I was 43, I moved in and I lived in five different senior living communities as a resident 88 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,680 temporarily. 89 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:40,080 But it really gave me a great perspective that I've been able to share with our community 90 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:47,040 members and given me a different perspective on the whole senior living industry in general. 91 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,040 Yeah, I bet. 92 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:52,360 When you told me that the other day, I'm like, wow, that is definitely a Why Not Today and 93 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,040 a Craziest Thing to Try. 94 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,800 And that was, it wasn't like just one night. 95 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,040 But you really immersed yourself. 96 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:05,480 Well, you know you're doing something right when the people in the industry that work 97 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:11,320 in these communities say things like, better you than me, or why are you doing that? 98 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:18,080 And it's sort of, and we can get into it a little bit later, but ideally the people that 99 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:24,280 are creating and managing and working at these communities should be, we should be working 100 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:27,080 in communities that we'd want to live in ourselves. 101 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,400 So, you know, we can get to that point. 102 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,800 Yeah, definitely want to talk about that. 103 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,480 Before we do that, what's the definition of courage to you? 104 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,480 What is courage? 105 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,480 Oh, courage. 106 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,480 Geez. 107 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,240 This is a good question. 108 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:44,000 This is like a job interview kind of. 109 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:58,360 But I think, you know, I think courage is the ability, I mean, to try something that 110 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:03,720 is going to make you feel uncomfortable and knowing that just by trying it, you're going 111 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:08,800 to make some connections and you're going to be a better person going out the other 112 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:09,800 side. 113 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,800 That's a great definition. 114 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:15,360 I love the connection because I'm all about connection. 115 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:22,440 Yeah, and I would say that the older we get, the more courage we get because we've seen 116 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:30,440 more, we've seen that, you know, when you're a young kid and you're going into a room where 117 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:35,080 you don't know anybody, how scary that can be, or the first day of school or what have 118 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:41,120 you, but the older we get and the more life experience we have and the more examples of 119 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:46,600 courage that we exhibit and we see that life is actually better when you take those risks 120 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,600 and move there the better it is. 121 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:59,160 And that's one of the benefits of having a multi-generational community is that these, 122 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,160 the stories of courage that our elders can share with us. 123 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,160 Yeah, that's awesome. 124 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:11,000 And I love that, you know, your definition and with the connections because I think that's, 125 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,720 you know, connections make a big difference and that you're so right that, you know, when 126 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:20,080 we're younger, we're afraid, you know, the things we did, they're going to be, you know, 127 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,520 we're going to die or the boogeyman under the bed and all those things like, why did 128 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,520 we believe all that? 129 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,280 As you get older, you're like, oh, it's not going to be that bad and it is better. 130 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:33,240 Now I think the younger generation where they have the advantage of courage is they're not 131 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,120 afraid to play on a computer or a phone. 132 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:41,240 Like, you know, my mom is terrified that she's going to screw some up and she has, but kids 133 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:42,240 are like, I'll try it. 134 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,240 What the heck? 135 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:44,240 What do I have to lose? 136 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,240 Yeah, yeah. 137 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:53,880 But the, you know, the whole concept of the Red Hat Society, which is a group of predominantly 138 00:08:53,880 --> 00:09:00,760 older women who get together and they wear these crazy red hats and these outlandish outfits. 139 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:06,720 And the whole premise of that is that, you know, when we were younger, we dressed the 140 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,640 way that they wanted us, this, that and the other. 141 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:14,040 And now we're just out there, you know, strutting our stuff. 142 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:19,520 And I'm willing to bet that the women that are in the red hat, that go to these events 143 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:23,400 wearing the red hats and things like that, you know, if you asked them to do that in 144 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,240 their 20s or 30s, no way, I'm not going to do that. 145 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:32,680 But, you know, the whole, I think that whole club was sort of formed on courage and having 146 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,880 courage together and being with a community. 147 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:40,840 I never thought about that group, but that's a great group that represents courage. 148 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:41,920 I need to find somebody to interview. 149 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,800 I know they have like the younger group of that is the Purple Hat Group. 150 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:46,800 The Purple Hat Group. 151 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,800 Oh, geez. 152 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,800 Yeah. 153 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,640 But I didn't, you know, obviously know more senior people and I did get more involved 154 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:56,600 in the senior community teaching water works for 13 years. 155 00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:01,920 And there's so many things I learned in a pool with these older adults, so many things 156 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:02,920 I could share. 157 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:06,080 So I love your business and what you're doing and helping. 158 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,080 I love the community. 159 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,160 And I think that's the one thing my friend Leanne, which is like, you need to talk about 160 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:14,920 this, Steve, is that I am all about connection and community and come by it naturally as 161 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:19,560 my dad was a community, was a city planner and was all about community and his company 162 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:23,800 was community development and so many things in aging. 163 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:29,200 So I know you've done a lot of other things in your life courageous, but let's talk about 164 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:35,840 the aging world and what are some of the things that I think, you know, it does take 165 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,560 courage to face things we don't know. 166 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:41,000 And there's so many things we don't know in the aging. 167 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,640 And I think a lot of people are kind of afraid to look at it. 168 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:47,760 So talk to me about some of the things that you've learned or I know we talked about a 169 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:53,880 couple of different subjects before we came on about things that people need courage to 170 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:57,920 do and really they're not that bad that you just need to say why not today and do it. 171 00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:58,920 Yeah, exactly. 172 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:06,080 And I would say that the first thing in terms of why not today is to have conversations about 173 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,880 your future. 174 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:16,480 And this like you should be doing this through the entire lifespan is that, you know, is 175 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:25,080 talking with your circle of friends and family about, you know, the future and the next chapters 176 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,240 in your life. 177 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:32,360 But as we grow older, and we're all growing older, and this is the whole thing we use 178 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,920 aging the wrong way aging starts on the delivery room table. 179 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,160 It doesn't start with an AARP card. 180 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:44,360 Everybody is aging at the exact same rate who's alive, who's lucky enough to be alive. 181 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,680 And we need to remind ourselves of that. 182 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:53,240 But as we grow older, there are some things that there's no crystal ball, there's no guarantee 183 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,080 anything is going to happen to us. 184 00:11:55,080 --> 00:12:02,000 But you know, there's a better chance that your mobility might be compromised. 185 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:08,880 There's a potential chance that you could, you know, develop things like dementia and 186 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,640 Alzheimer's. 187 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:14,400 The older you get the higher the percentage it goes. 188 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,760 And no matter and none of us have a crystal ball. 189 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:23,240 So having conversations in advance is the first thing that is why not today. 190 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:31,680 Now, I mentioned we have these weekly discussions on my in my community and our number one topic 191 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:34,120 is the topic of solo aging. 192 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:41,880 Okay, and solo aging, I love this discussion topic, because it's a conversation that we 193 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,200 can all have. 194 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:49,960 Now, a lot of times, when people hear the term solo aging, they instantly think about, 195 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:56,920 Oh, you know, somebody who never married and doesn't have any family around, that's a solo 196 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:04,600 age or and yeah, that is probably a definition of a solo age or and and most people in this 197 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:10,760 category are very empowered because they recognize that they don't have a safety net 198 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,800 that I've got to plan. 199 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:19,200 I've got to think about what happens if I have, you know, a surgery, who's going to 200 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:24,600 bring me home from the house and how am I going to be taken care of and things like that. 201 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:29,120 And most people who define themselves as solo ages are in that bucket. 202 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:33,760 But what I love doing is going to a barbecue or something like that and the topic of solo 203 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,040 aging pops up and somebody looks at me kind of funny. 204 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:41,880 And I was like, Hey, not something that you really need to worry about. 205 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,800 And they're like, Well, yeah, I've got three kids. 206 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,560 It's like, Okay, let me ask you something. 207 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:53,360 What are the chances that you and your partner are going to pass away at the same time? 208 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,440 Well, that's probably not going to happen. 209 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,240 So one of you is going to live the other. 210 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:03,120 And then those three kids, do you really want them taking care of you if something happened? 211 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,120 Well, no. 212 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:18,160 And so put it in our turn of like, yeah, the people around you on what would happen if 213 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,600 I was by myself in the future and who could I turn to? 214 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:30,160 It's very important because if something happens and you haven't had those conversations, usually 215 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:35,320 you're going to be, you know, disrupting somebody's life. 216 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,760 And none of us really want to do that. 217 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:45,360 So yeah, my mom's in a situation with a neighbor who is younger than my mother has dementia 218 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:46,600 and isn't married. 219 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,720 She's divorced. 220 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,000 Her family's not close physically. 221 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:55,320 They weren't really that close at all. 222 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,200 And my mother and another neighbor are taking care of this woman who's got dementia. 223 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,000 I'm like, we need to get other resources. 224 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:08,960 So yeah, so as far as your community and people, your discussions, is that open to anybody? 225 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:09,960 It's a. 226 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:10,960 Absolutely. 227 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:11,960 Yeah. 228 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:17,680 If you just go to the website, proaging.com, that's probably the easiest way to get there. 229 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:23,800 You'll see recordings of over 300 discussions that we've had and podcasts. 230 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:28,000 And then you'll also see the schedule of what we've got coming up. 231 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:34,440 And, you know, I think that the live and interactive nature of our discussions is what 232 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:43,080 makes them a lot of fun and very interesting and also a great resource to get questions 233 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:49,360 answered and make connections that can solve the things that you're thinking about today. 234 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:54,680 And so we welcome any and all to join in. 235 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,240 And we have so many of these things. 236 00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,880 It's sort of like there's there's probably one that you might find interesting. 237 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:01,880 Yeah, that's awesome. 238 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:02,880 Yeah. 239 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,960 And I will definitely link your information, the show notes of all the discussions because 240 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,280 I have so many friends that are having that situation. 241 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:13,200 I never thought I'd you hear about it, but you never thought you'd be in a situation of 242 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:19,640 your own aging and the shifting of the demographic is occurring. 243 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:23,000 And there's lots of positive things about that. 244 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,880 Excuse me. 245 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,120 And and there's lots of challenging things about that. 246 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:32,200 You know, we're going to have more people over the age of 65 than we've ever had in 247 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,200 history. 248 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:38,560 We've got workplace shortages and and the, you know, some of the positive things is 249 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,360 technology is developing. 250 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:47,520 But one of the things that you just mentioned there is that a lot of my friends are going 251 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,720 through this with their parents. 252 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:58,480 And what that is doing is that's essentially training for our future elders. 253 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:04,640 And because so many people basically say, I never knew this stuff existed. 254 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,440 I never knew how expensive it is. 255 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,880 I never knew that this was going to take this much work. 256 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:18,240 And now that they're experiencing that firsthand, hopefully I hear this on a regular basis is 257 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:22,800 I'm going to take steps so that my kids don't have to go through this, or I'm going to take 258 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:29,320 steps so that since I'm by myself that I've got a network that can help me if something 259 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,320 happens. 260 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,320 Right. 261 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,320 So yeah, let's talk about that. 262 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,240 So somebody that's like, all right, I need to prepare. 263 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,160 They're going to be proactive. 264 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,520 And what, what are your resources? 265 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,200 What are the resources people have? 266 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,240 How can we get educated and be courageous to say why not today now? 267 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:50,160 Instead of when we're in crisis, which really usually was what happens. 268 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,360 Like I am blessed. 269 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:52,640 I'm one of six kids. 270 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:58,320 So my dad has had had some health issues and had a stroke and then did pass away. 271 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:02,680 But you know, there were six of us, well, five, because one of my siblings has down syndrome, 272 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,240 so she wasn't a big player in it. 273 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:12,280 But you know, we all kind of fell in our roles of who did what and had had resources, but 274 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,520 I've got friends that are only children. 275 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,160 And I'm like, how the heck do you do that? 276 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:22,960 Well, I mean, Leslie, you're really, you're really fortunate to have a tight knit family 277 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:29,800 that communicates because a lot of times the only child has a lot easier than six varying 278 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,960 opinions of what should, what should happen. 279 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:36,920 I can't say everything's always smooth, but we do pretty much fall in our roles. 280 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:42,800 I have one brother that will quiz a doctor till he's blue in the face. 281 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:43,800 The doctor helps me. 282 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,120 So I'm like, okay, Brian's like, well, why didn't you ask this? 283 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,120 Why didn't you? 284 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,120 I'm like, I don't know. 285 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,120 That's your job. 286 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:50,120 Yeah. 287 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:51,120 So how do we go ahead of this? 288 00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:52,120 And what do we do? 289 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,120 Yeah. 290 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:58,720 So number one is to familiarize yourself with, you know, the resources that are out there 291 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:04,440 and that, you know, folks can get the positive aging source book to just kind of see the 292 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:09,000 different resources that are available or just go to proaging.com. 293 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,960 But I think free book you get free of charge. 294 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:22,240 And but the, I think the most important thing is to have conversations about these types 295 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,920 of decisions that might happen. 296 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,680 And they, they, they might not happen too. 297 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:32,800 But one of the easiest ways to do this is like you have just had, you know, you shared 298 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:41,280 a story about a neighbor that has Alzheimer's and no real family caregivers is, you know, 299 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:45,280 talking to your circle of friends and your network of support and your kids and your 300 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:52,680 best friend about, hey, you know, I got this neighbor who has dementia and there's no caregivers 301 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:53,680 there. 302 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:57,280 Do you ever think about what you would do if you had dementia? 303 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,720 And just have a conversation about it. 304 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:08,000 The it's, it's very hard because we feel like like it's like having a conversation about 305 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,560 death and dying. 306 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:15,960 It's hard to have that because we feel like, oh, wow, I don't want to talk about that. 307 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:22,320 You know, well, I mean, if you don't talk about it, then your support network doesn't 308 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:26,600 know what your wishes are if you are reaching end of life. 309 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:37,560 And while I, while these are difficult conversations to have, I feel that the conversations that 310 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:44,400 I have on this topic and I have so many these days are some of the most deep and meaningful 311 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,720 and thought provoking conversations that I'm a part of. 312 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:56,000 And so it really is one of these why not today is is that, you know, just, just have a conversation 313 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,080 with your family, you know, let them know what you want. 314 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:06,920 Now I'm going to give your listeners kind of one sort of word of wisdom here is that 315 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:12,120 oftentimes these conversations when you talk about, let's say that you're talking with 316 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:17,600 a parent or loved one about a neighbor that moved to a senior living community. 317 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:22,680 A lot of times what, what somebody will say is, oh, don't ever take me to one of those 318 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,680 places. 319 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,920 I want to go to one of those places. 320 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:33,800 That's an opportunity to sort of, hey, why don't we go have lunch and visit our friend 321 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,720 who's there at that place. 322 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:44,800 And because I'm a little concerned that, you know, that you're digging your heels in, 323 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:50,800 what if you're you were lonely and isolated and all alone at home, what if your home was 324 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:56,800 no longer safe and opening that door because I can tell you there are so many adult children 325 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:03,880 that I talked to that basically mom said she never wanted to go to one of those places. 326 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:09,880 And now they're, they're moving heaven and earth to meet that wish. 327 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:16,440 And it's not necessarily the healthiest setup for the individual. 328 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:22,240 But I know through your services you provide, you give suggestions of good facilities. 329 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,800 Well what we, we work more. 330 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:25,800 Yeah. 331 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,680 So, so, and that's, you know, I, we could do a whole another hour, but I'll sort of 332 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:37,240 amend it is, is that, you know, we, there's no best place out there. 333 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,240 Okay. 334 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:44,360 But, but here's some tips on how to find the best place for your mom and dad or yourself 335 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:52,880 is that number one, having you or your loved ones be part of the community. 336 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,040 It's similar to go into school. 337 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,840 When you drop your kid off at school, you don't just drop them off and, and, and, and 338 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:04,040 you're on your way, you join the PTA, you get to know the teachers, you become part 339 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,440 of that community. 340 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:11,680 And so that's the best thing that you need to do if your loved one is, is thinking about 341 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:17,040 making a move and so the best, one of the things is try to find a place that's easy 342 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,880 to visit so you can pop in and you can be part of the community. 343 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:25,200 The second thing that I tell people is, is that I want you to pretend that you're not 344 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:29,920 shopping for an old folks home, but you're looking for the next college that you're going 345 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:34,200 to and college kids go on campuses. 346 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,600 They don't care about the square footage of their dorm room. 347 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,120 They look at the other students and that's what you want to do when you look at these 348 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:45,840 places is that you want to look at the other residents. 349 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,520 You want to look at the faculty or the staff. 350 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:55,120 And I just remind people it's don't, it's great if you find a beautiful place with 351 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,040 wonderful walls, but it's not about the walls. 352 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:01,120 It's the people working and living within those walls. 353 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,120 Absolutely. 354 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:09,440 Yeah, we had many instances where my father was in rehab, senior facilities, different 355 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,560 situations and they aren't all good. 356 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:17,000 And they're definitely some good and some great people we worked with, but then there 357 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,560 were some not so good. 358 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:24,720 And I think there's a whole other subject of how to educate families, how to navigate 359 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:30,920 through these systems and know the right questions to ask and who to talk to and not just take, 360 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,880 I mean, I could tell story after story of crazy adventures. 361 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:40,040 Probably the funniest story of my dad is just to share one of his antics is he was in the 362 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,520 hospital and he had had stroke, so he had left neglect. 363 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,880 So when he ate, he had a hard time seeing the left side of the plate. 364 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,360 His left arm didn't really work. 365 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,880 So he was in the hospital for something else at Reston Hospital. 366 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:55,040 And the nurse brought his food and he couldn't find the fork, whatever. 367 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,800 He couldn't find the nursing thing to call the nurse. 368 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,560 He couldn't figure out where it was. 369 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:06,680 So he got a call from a politician on a cell phone asking to the politician for him, my 370 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:07,680 dad, to vote for him. 371 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:11,920 He goes, tell you what, if you call the nursing station on such and such a floor, Reston Hospital, 372 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,320 and send a nurse to my room to help me eat my breakfast, I'll vote for you. 373 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:16,320 And they did. 374 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:17,320 Oh, wow. 375 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:18,840 And he wrote a local paper about it. 376 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,800 That's one of the best stories I've heard. 377 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:23,800 That is great. 378 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,800 There was a story in the local Reston paper about it thanking the person, but you know, 379 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,000 he was definitely a find a way kind of guy. 380 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,160 And sometimes you have to do that. 381 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:34,160 So absolutely. 382 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:39,320 And that's really, I mean, my advice to folks is you got to be the squeaky wheel. 383 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,080 You got to be present in the community. 384 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:47,720 And one of the things, I mean, the benefit that your dad had with six kids, and, you 385 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:52,960 know, I can only imagine when he was in the hospital or in other settings, the stream 386 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,760 of visitors that he had. 387 00:25:54,760 --> 00:26:03,160 And this is, it's kind of, you know, the other term that used to be used, not solo aging, 388 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,400 it was elder orphans. 389 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:12,520 And I, it's such a sad term, but a visit to any nursing home, you will see there are 390 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,720 residents in there that don't have any visitors. 391 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:24,240 And it's really sad because it's, they're relying on different people to advocate for 392 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,800 them other than their loved ones. 393 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:26,800 Yeah. 394 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:31,280 I do a program through Mary Kay where we do an adoptive mom or adopt a grandparent providing 395 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,560 gifts and we've taken gifts to the nursing homes and facilities. 396 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,440 And there's some people, yeah, that never have visitors. 397 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:43,680 No, they've, you know, they've out, a lot of people have outlived their whole family. 398 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:49,600 And then there's, there's folks that, you know, maybe they never married and had a family 399 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:54,880 and they're, and they're remaining family members are as old as they are and they're 400 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,080 all over the country. 401 00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:02,600 It really, it really is tough and we need to, we need to support these folks. 402 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,960 Yeah, we need to build community and be there. 403 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,780 And I know that my water resource class was a tight-knit community. 404 00:27:07,780 --> 00:27:11,920 People knew we had an email list of people that were sick or something happened or we 405 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,240 were there for them. 406 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:18,840 So I think a big message here is, you know, to build those relationships, those communities, 407 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:19,840 and those discussions. 408 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:24,120 I was thinking when you were talking about those questions, you know, those games you 409 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:29,680 can get now, like cards against humanity, you ask all these questions, we need an aging 410 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:34,840 question game, like to ask those hard questions, you know, maybe it was a couple drinks in 411 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:35,840 you. 412 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,840 No, they've got those. 413 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:47,200 No, they've got those because there's a big movement for advanced directives, meaning 414 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:54,920 like the whole conversation about, you know, when would you want us to, you know, pull 415 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,520 feeding tubes and things of that nature. 416 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:02,160 And it is, there are some really creative games out there. 417 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,560 I'll send you a link and you can throw it in. 418 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:09,120 Yeah, so we'll definitely share your contact information because I think it's a great subject 419 00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:10,560 that we need to talk about more. 420 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,960 And that's one of the reasons I wanted you on here and to be able to share some of your 421 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:18,240 content, which I'm hoping to do on the website because it's a subject we only talk about 422 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:19,240 it. 423 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:25,520 Yeah, so what courage would you or what would you say to somebody to empower somebody to 424 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:26,520 be courageous? 425 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:27,520 Oh, man. 426 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:35,200 Well, you know, I got two kids and these are a lot of the conversations that you have 427 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:43,440 with your children are centered around this topic, whether we frame it that way or not. 428 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:57,000 But, you know, I think that it's taking taking a risk and taking a chance as long as it's 429 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:12,840 healthy and it's, you know, something that is not harming any Friday and each way. 430 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:13,840 Oh, wow. 431 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:14,840 Okay. 432 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:20,600 It's like a healthy and then you first. 433 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:21,600 Okay. 434 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:26,720 I think when when you frame it that way, and this is off the top of my head, but it's 435 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:35,480 sort of like when we take risks and we prepare for them properly, it's like we're entering 436 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,640 a secret passageway. 437 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:44,240 And when we go through that passageway, we're going to be a different person and we're going 438 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:51,840 to, we're going to have a new experience that can help us be a better person and help us 439 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:57,000 share a better share life experience with others. 440 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,000 All right. 441 00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,000 I love that definition. 442 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,360 I think that's going to be my new tagline. 443 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,160 I love that. 444 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,160 Yeah. 445 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:08,440 That and I've had lots of discussions obviously around the courage and doing those things 446 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,120 and they don't have to be big. 447 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:14,600 They're just those little things and I'm even listened to a podcast the other day about 448 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,160 decluttering and organizing that are totally different. 449 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:22,720 But the subject, the way she turned it around, which I've shared this many times is like 450 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:27,280 when you're decluttering, it's like just doing that one thing, you're leaving a situation 451 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,280 better. 452 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:33,120 And so just doing that little thing, making you better and being courageous and just those 453 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:37,480 little steps give you courage to do the next thing and the next thing. 454 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:45,280 And I think he was quoting somebody else, but my good friend, Len Fork, I'm going to 455 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:50,160 introduce you to, who's climbing Mount Everest right now by the way. 456 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:59,760 But he shared a statement with me from somebody and its action creates opportunity is that 457 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:07,960 when we say something like, oh, I'm not ready yet or I'm not going to do this or what have 458 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:12,400 you or I'm scared, you're missing an opportunity. 459 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:17,360 You always want to be in action and we always want to be improving ourselves because we 460 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,600 improve the world when we improve ourselves. 461 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,000 Yes, love that. 462 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:22,000 Thank you. 463 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,400 Yeah, we can talk forever and ever. 464 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:24,400 We want to want to keep you. 465 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:25,400 No, no, no, this is great. 466 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:30,080 So I always at the end kind of tie back to connecting to my dad and people like, why didn't 467 00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:31,080 know your dad? 468 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,800 And you probably ran into my dad at somewhere. 469 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:43,120 I definitely remember him and and and I, but I didn't realize that all those years that 470 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:48,360 I was paddleboarding there on Lake Ann, I was basically paddling right in front of his house. 471 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:49,360 Yes. 472 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,640 So yes, all the connections you're talking about, first of all, community, he was all 473 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,160 about community. 474 00:31:55,160 --> 00:32:01,280 You being on the lake and paddleboarding, he, we lived on the lake and he worked at Lake 475 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:02,280 Ann. 476 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:08,000 And he, there weren't paddleboards in the day, but he went with he ice skated, he swam, 477 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:14,400 he sailed, he windsurfed, canoed, whatever way he made it to work at some point. 478 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:21,360 And then the other thing he said you did, which is your snowboarding, instructing, and 479 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,120 work with people with disabilities or adaptive. 480 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:29,400 So my dad asked her, he had a stroke and remember he had an eye patch on from high school. 481 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:35,080 So it didn't have one eye and then he had a stroke, but we, that's another thing. 482 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:36,680 I'm legally blind in one eye. 483 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,840 I've been in the way since birth. 484 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,040 He was too, but he had an eye patch. 485 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:47,920 But he, we went to Blue Knob one time and they had the adaptive ski patrol people taking 486 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:51,200 them out on the slope and he went and it was so cold. 487 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,240 I don't know if you've ever skied at Blue Knob, it's freezing. 488 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:58,640 And he came back and his mustache was frozen like solid. 489 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:05,360 He was frozen, but the smile on his face and the joy that he's like, I got to go skiing. 490 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:08,120 And even after a stroke, he still went body surfing. 491 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:15,040 He got a PVC pipe and a, and a, we did put a safety vest, a life jacket on him, which 492 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:19,800 normal he wouldn't wear, but he went, you know, he did it all when he was older. 493 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:20,800 You never know. 494 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:21,800 Why not today? 495 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:22,800 Yeah. 496 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:23,800 Why not today? 497 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:24,800 Exactly. 498 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:25,800 Well, Steve, thank you so much. 499 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:26,800 This has been awesome. 500 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:27,800 And we're going to share the resources. 501 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,520 We're going to have you share links to how to get in touch with you. 502 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,360 Show notes. 503 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,080 And we will have more discussions, I'm sure. 504 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:36,520 And thanks again. 505 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,000 And I'm looking forward to maybe we'll physically meet sometime for coffee or something. 506 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,760 I'll see you on the bottom somewhere because I'm always around resting. 507 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,880 Oh, and back to other connection. 508 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:45,880 Your son, I think we mentioned. 509 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:51,120 He was working at ZX and I was, he said one day his name or you and I'm like, I know 510 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,120 who your dad is. 511 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,120 Never really met him, but all over the world. 512 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,120 He was a great kid. 513 00:33:55,120 --> 00:34:00,600 I love what you're doing too and the concept of this podcast is wonderful. 514 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:01,600 Well, thank you. 515 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:02,600 All right. 516 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,520 Well, thanks again and thanks everybody for watching. 517 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,560 You can always check out the podcast on, we're on all the sources. 518 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:08,560 Three yard. 519 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:09,560 Now we're on YouTube. 520 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:13,680 You can see YouTube, iTunes, Google. 521 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,520 We do have a website, why not say podcast.com. 522 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,320 And we do have gear and swag. 523 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:21,840 If you want a T-shirt or a cup or a vinyl, I'll think in the other day too. 524 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:26,040 We might be journal to journal those brave courageous things we're doing. 525 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:29,200 So we're looking to do some fun things and collaborate with other people. 526 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,000 So thanks again for watching and thanks Steve for joining us. 527 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:52,120 Don't forget, say why not today?