1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,080 Hello, my name is Leslie and I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast. 2 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:10,040 This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, why not today? 3 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:14,080 I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Kane, who often just said, why not 4 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,080 today? 5 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:19,120 I am based in Reston, Virginia, a Planned community right outside of Washington, DC, 6 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,120 and thanks for joining us today. 7 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:23,960 And I'm excited, as I always am, about my guest, Laura Hayes. 8 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:29,600 And Laura was somebody that somebody referred me to, which I love that. 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,880 And she's got a business called the Brave Girl Project. 10 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,200 I'm excited to hear about all she has to share. 11 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:39,080 But I always talk about connections and how you meet people and how people are introduced 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,080 to you. 13 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:43,960 And Laura, you go way back to the connection of how this podcast started. 14 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:51,580 So the podcast idea was inspired by somebody in the Reston area that knew my father. 15 00:00:51,580 --> 00:00:57,160 And he said in a social media post one day, he said, Pat Kane, myself, always used to 16 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,200 say, why not today? 17 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:03,240 And so fast forward a year later, I finally met the gentleman, John Pinkman. 18 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:07,280 And we were talking about the podcast like, oh my gosh, you have to know Laura Hayes. 19 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,920 And then we connected. 20 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:09,920 I'm so excited about that. 21 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,360 So many things we can do together. 22 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,080 But it was fun to see you live probably a mile or two from me. 23 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,800 And we have so many mutual friends. 24 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,040 So we should have known each other. 25 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:20,040 But now we do. 26 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,640 We probably passed each other so many times. 27 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:26,960 And yeah, John is such a connector of people. 28 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:31,640 And so he reached out to me and he's like, you need to know Leslie. 29 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:32,640 And then he just put us together. 30 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:33,640 And I was like, perfect. 31 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:34,640 We're both here in Reston. 32 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:35,640 Yeah, I love that. 33 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,320 So I'm super excited to have you on and hear your story. 34 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,600 And I love what you're doing. 35 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,280 And you're working in a world of helping teenage girls. 36 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:48,760 And that is something that's near and dear to my heart, especially in the Mary Kay world. 37 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:53,280 I heard a statistic that a woman's self-esteem is highest at age 10. 38 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,280 Yeah. 39 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,840 And we need to help those girls young. 40 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,520 So let's get to know you, Laura. 41 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:03,000 So tell us about you, your business, and quick little information about you and a fast, fun 42 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,800 fact that we might not know. 43 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:09,480 Well, a fast, fun fact, here in Reston, we have our three lakes. 44 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:12,160 So I love stand-up paddleboarding. 45 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:17,840 That is my, I'm just waiting for it to be a little bit warmer for me to go out. 46 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:22,360 So if you ever see, if you're living in Reston and you see someone out on one of the lakes, 47 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:23,360 it might be me. 48 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,040 Well, we need to go out together because I have a paddleboard. 49 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,640 It's not here in Reston right now. 50 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,440 It's at Smith Mountain Lake, but I'm going to get it. 51 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,440 And I do have access to that. 52 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,440 Oh, that would be beautiful. 53 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,440 Smith Mountain too is a gorgeous place to. 54 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:38,600 And Reston, this is funny, Reston is such a small town that I was at one morning like 55 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,080 super early on Lake Anne with a friend of mine. 56 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,080 And we're getting texts and calls. 57 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,080 Like, were you guys out paddleboarding this morning? 58 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,440 I'm like, you cannot hide in this community. 59 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,440 You can't hide. 60 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:52,080 I've had that happen too where people, I think I saw you. 61 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,080 Was that you? 62 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,080 Yep. 63 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,080 That was me. 64 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:56,080 That was me. 65 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:00,080 So what's new about you and your business and is it Brave Girl Project? 66 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,360 Is that the right name? 67 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,360 Yeah. 68 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:03,360 The Brave Girl Project. 69 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:04,360 Yes. 70 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,280 So share with us how you started that and what it is. 71 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,560 So I am a school counselor. 72 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:15,920 And back in 2013, I was looking as a school counselor, anyone who works in the school 73 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:19,480 system, you're always doing continuing education. 74 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:25,160 And I had seen information about a coaching course and it sounded interesting and it was 75 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,840 at our Northern Virginia Community College. 76 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,840 So I thought I'm going to just sign up and take that. 77 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,880 And that's kind of how everything started. 78 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,880 I have always been passionate about helping kids. 79 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,520 I've been a school counselor for 20 years. 80 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:48,480 And then I found coaching as a way to continue supporting kids, but with a little bit more 81 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:49,480 freedom. 82 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:53,760 In schools, you're really limited with some time constraints. 83 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,500 So sometimes you don't get to spend as much time as you would like. 84 00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:02,800 So in 2013, I went through a coaching program and started coaching kids on the weekends 85 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,800 and after school. 86 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:14,160 And then in 2019, I had been helping my mom who was sick and I had decided we realized 87 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,200 she's going to need more care. 88 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,600 So I was taking a year off from school. 89 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:23,320 I was going to take the 2019-2020 school year off to help her. 90 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,440 Sadly, she passed away before that. 91 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:32,080 And my husband said, why don't you just take this year to recalibrate, spend time just 92 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,100 doing your coaching practice. 93 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:38,200 And so that began more of my online. 94 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:43,160 And so I have a program and the Brave Girl Project is called the Brave Girl Tribe. 95 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:49,680 And this is my big focus where I work with girls in fifth to eighth grade. 96 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:55,480 It's an online virtual community where they can attend our coaching calls each week. 97 00:04:55,480 --> 00:05:02,120 We have lots of resources for them and it's a safe place for girls to come share what's 98 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:07,120 going on in their life, but learn the skills they need to live their lives bravely and 99 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,240 to build up their confidence. 100 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:14,800 As you see in the research, there's that big dip in confidence, basically from fifth to 101 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:15,800 eighth grade. 102 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,560 It just is a big dive. 103 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,480 And we're really seeing a lot of concern. 104 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:27,400 Some people may be familiar with the CDC report that came out in late February. 105 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,240 Our girls really are struggling. 106 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:33,560 And so this is something that I'm really passionate in helping. 107 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:38,600 And so it's our girls and our moms that really need some of the support as they move forward. 108 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:39,600 Yeah. 109 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:44,760 What an amazing idea and what a need that there is out there. 110 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,320 So let's kind of back up. 111 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:51,240 And I always ask, what does courage mean to you, Laura? 112 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:58,520 Courage really is having that confidence that you can handle whatever comes your way and 113 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:04,960 that you can step into that discomfort and that you can do so many things that you really 114 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:11,160 don't even think you can handle, but when you step in knowing that you always have yourself 115 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:16,120 and that you can believe in yourself, that you can handle and figure out and stepping 116 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,880 into that fear is just part of that step. 117 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:24,800 And that when we step into the fear on the other side are the new opportunities, new 118 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:29,160 lessons, that growth that you have then in your own confidence. 119 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:34,440 So I think it's really stepping into sometimes that unknown, but knowing that you have yourself 120 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:38,800 to rely on and that you're so much stronger than what you might even realize. 121 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:43,960 That's so true and such a good message, especially with the name of your company, the Brave Girl 122 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,080 Project and Helping Girls. 123 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:53,440 So it must have taken a little courage to leave your teaching or your counseling, your 124 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,880 comfortable county job. 125 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:56,880 Yes. 126 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:57,880 You were always grown. 127 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:03,000 Was there some time that you had to step into it and like, okay, what am I doing? 128 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,000 Yes. 129 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:12,920 It's very scary to leave something that is such like a contained environment. 130 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:19,840 A school really is a container and you have a specific role and jobs and the kids are 131 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,960 there so you are supporting your community. 132 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:27,400 And so stepping outside of that definitely took a lot of courage. 133 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:31,360 Also when you start a business, there's such a learning curve. 134 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:36,160 So there's definitely times where I would feel like, why did I do this? 135 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,400 What am I doing? 136 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:42,120 And it's just, I think that's part of it is that using that courage to step into that 137 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:48,360 uncertainty and that discomfort and just following, you know, okay, I just need to figure out 138 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,440 just this first next step. 139 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,760 And then I'm going to find out the next step after that. 140 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:57,740 Maybe there's a person, a resource and just knowing there's going to be those periods 141 00:07:57,740 --> 00:08:00,220 of time where you really feel uncertain. 142 00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:05,360 But if you can persevere through that, you're going to get to the next place and then you're 143 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,760 just going to rinse and repeat and keep doing that along your journey. 144 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,680 And that's kind of the whole premise of why not today? 145 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,680 It's like, okay, what can I do today? 146 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:13,680 Just to move the needle. 147 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:14,680 And I did that with this podcast. 148 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,680 It's like, okay, I'm just going to start it. 149 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:21,160 I was talking, I mentioned mutual friend, Kelly Johnson, we're talking about doing a 150 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,360 retreat around bravery. 151 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,840 And she said, and planning the retreat, she's like, are you one of those people that you 152 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:32,880 set the date and find the place and then figure it out or do you figure it all out and then 153 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:33,880 find the date? 154 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,640 I'm like, it will never happen if I do it that way. 155 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:40,040 I am definitely and I think that's a whole big message of why not say like, you got to 156 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:45,520 set the date, have the location, figure it out and then go backwards. 157 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,840 And I think that's any, you know, if you really want to start a business with people that 158 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,840 plan and plan and plan and plan, you'll never do it. 159 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:52,840 Exactly. 160 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:58,560 I love that of yours, like why not today, because it really gives permission to jump 161 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:01,200 in and start and you don't have to be perfect. 162 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:06,560 And I think for some of my girls, they really struggle with perfectionism and they feel 163 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,120 they have to have everything mapped out. 164 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,600 And it's nope, let's not map it all out. 165 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:17,460 Because sometimes when we map it out, it doesn't have the opportunity to evolve and change. 166 00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:22,940 And that's what we sometimes need is, okay, let me make some, you know, add up, adapt 167 00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:23,940 solutions to it. 168 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:30,000 So just like you starting your business, your coaching, you know, you started in before 169 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:36,440 2020 and then, but you had to lose use new tools and it's probably become more powerful 170 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,520 what you've been able to do with the new tools. 171 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:43,840 Like I didn't use zoom and stream yard and all these tools and all these things that 172 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:48,480 I had to learn that have been to run my business have helped me with the podcast. 173 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,480 Yeah. 174 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:53,440 So it's kind of like if you have everything planned out, you have no room to like, oh, 175 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,480 I want to go this path and let me try this. 176 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:57,960 It's evolving like every day. 177 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,360 We were talking about this earlier. 178 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:05,120 It's like new ideas and like, okay, and learning so many things and being able to plug into 179 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,120 those people. 180 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:11,520 So like, John connected us because the podcasts and our similar visions and what we're doing, 181 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:15,240 what you and I met and we could have sat there for hours, like, okay, what tool and what 182 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:19,440 tool and I'm like, okay, we need another power hour because there's so many different things. 183 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:24,840 So I would love to hear to kind of some of the things and tools that you provide the 184 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:31,360 girls that might help just see a little bit more into what you do, but also help people 185 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:36,960 if somebody's listening that it has a teenage girl or struggling with some of these courage 186 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:43,760 things and low self-esteem, I think is such an issue and all ages. 187 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,520 You know, I see it every age woman. 188 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:51,680 I'm really working to really help with encourage all areas. 189 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:55,440 So whether it's through my Mary Kay business or through the podcast or just helping people 190 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:56,440 in the community. 191 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:57,440 Yeah. 192 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:03,680 Well, it's wonderful that you have this because it really helps inspire people that, you know, 193 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:08,280 why not today that regardless of where they are in their journey of life, they can start 194 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:11,600 and it doesn't have to be sometimes we make that mistake that it has to be this huge big 195 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:16,720 step, but it's just really the first smallest step. 196 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:21,600 And so I think it's wonderful that you have this and I'm sure it inspires lots of people. 197 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:26,960 I love what you said after you listened to a couple of the episodes and I need to use 198 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:31,000 this quote directly, but basically you said after listening, you loved hearing all the 199 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,640 guest stories, but it gave permission to people to say, why not? 200 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,960 And to do it. 201 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:44,560 And because the true reality is each of us has, we have many gifts and sometimes what 202 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:50,000 happens in life is, you know, we've maybe received messages that make us feel like we're 203 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,000 not good enough. 204 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,560 Maybe we see other people doing things and we're like, I'm not like them. 205 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,900 There's no way I could do this. 206 00:11:56,900 --> 00:12:01,200 But then what happens, it hurts all of us because then people are holding back on their 207 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,600 gifts and they're not sharing them with the world. 208 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:10,480 And so we really need to step into the courage and step into the bravery to have faith that 209 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:15,000 maybe there's something that I have that other people need or a way that I can make the world 210 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,640 a better place. 211 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:21,880 And stepping into that bravery and that courage allows all of us then to benefit. 212 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:27,400 And that's what we really need in our world today and our girls really need to hear that 213 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:33,640 message and to feel that so that they can step into some things that our girls have 214 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:37,760 big, big dreams, but sometimes they play it safe. 215 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:45,480 So in the Brave Girl tribe, we really focus a lot on the things that may impact our girls 216 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:46,720 in holding them back. 217 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,120 So their self-esteem, friendships. 218 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:55,720 Friendships are a big concern for girls and there's a lot of things that sometimes are 219 00:12:55,720 --> 00:13:02,240 happening and especially coming out of the pandemic, there's this rush to really get 220 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,480 connected. 221 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:08,980 And so sometimes I think some girls really feel like they don't have a friend or a place 222 00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:12,040 to connect with others. 223 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:18,400 And so they really need some support in learning some of the skills they need to make new connections 224 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,520 and to kind of build back up that self-esteem. 225 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:27,920 A lot of my girls sometimes also deal with a little bit of worry or feeling anxious. 226 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,320 And I've done a lot of training. 227 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:32,120 I'm an anxiety informed specialist. 228 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:38,360 And so I use a lot of different techniques to help girls move through that worry or that 229 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:44,360 fear that maybe is stopping them and keeping them from really being their best in school, 230 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:49,800 being their best with their friends, trying out for the teams, doing the activities. 231 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:54,520 Because sometimes I think there's the worry of what will other people think that our young 232 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,560 girls experience. 233 00:13:56,560 --> 00:14:01,200 And so stepping out of that can be so important for them. 234 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,400 I do also individual coaching. 235 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:04,400 So I have lots of clients. 236 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,760 I have them from all over. 237 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,440 Today I get to coach one of my friends that's in Melbourne, Australia. 238 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:11,760 Yeah. 239 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:20,960 So what's nice about doing things virtually is we're only limited by kind of time zone. 240 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:26,520 And so it's a wonderful way for people to learn different skills. 241 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,000 And my girls are really, they're their best expert. 242 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,040 They already have a lot of what they need inside. 243 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:37,800 Sometimes they just need some help or some different tools to stretch them or help give 244 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:38,800 perspective. 245 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,800 Right. 246 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:44,520 So they can...What are some of the tools in your toolbox that you provide for the girls? 247 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,440 So I use a ton. 248 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:52,560 A lot of my tools are based in cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. 249 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:58,320 What are some basic things that we could pass on or any age is like, all right, I'm struggling 250 00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,320 with this. 251 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,600 What are some easy ones? 252 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,980 Here's a very easy one. 253 00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:11,600 And it's basically think of your thoughts steer the direction of your life. 254 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:12,600 Okay. 255 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:13,600 Right. 256 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,600 So I use something that's called the steer map. 257 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:20,640 And it's an acronym, but it's not spelled S-T-E-E-R. 258 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,640 It's S-T-E-A-R. 259 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:29,000 So what we want to do, and anyone can do this tool, you'll take a piece of paper and you'll 260 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,320 just start kind of like a brain dump. 261 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,400 Just thinking about the things that are going on currently in your life and jotting those 262 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,920 down on a piece of paper. 263 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,240 Do that maybe for like three minutes, five minutes. 264 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,820 And then look at those things that you've written down. 265 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:48,840 And I want you to pick one situation. 266 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:54,540 So some of my girls, it may be I wasn't invited to a slumber party. 267 00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:57,480 And a lot of my friends are invited to the slumber party. 268 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:05,360 So we'll write that situation down and then we want to look at, so that's the S, the situation. 269 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,440 The T stands for the thoughts. 270 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,160 What are the thoughts you have about this situation? 271 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:17,520 So that girl might say, you know, the one friend thinks I'm cringey. 272 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,920 They don't like me. 273 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,320 I'm awkward. 274 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,960 No one talks or listens to my stories. 275 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,780 So then we look, we have these thoughts. 276 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,740 So then what are the emotions we get? 277 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:35,360 Because our thoughts are the gasoline to our emotions. 278 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:43,080 So I like to use an emotion feeling wheel because our girls really need to learn more 279 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,080 feeling words. 280 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,800 We really want them to build all of us. 281 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,640 You know, a lot of times we rely on like, oh, how are you doing? 282 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:49,640 I'm good. 283 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:55,160 We want to be more specific with our feelings and our emotions and really build an awareness 284 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,160 of our inner world. 285 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,980 So what are those feelings? 286 00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:02,800 And then those feelings, they lead to our actions. 287 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,360 So that's the A in the steer. 288 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:10,480 And so sometimes, you know, if that girl is feeling having a thought like no one likes 289 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,900 me, I'm cringey. 290 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:13,740 That's why I'm not invited. 291 00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:19,520 And then she feels rejected and lonely, isolated. 292 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,100 Then when she's in school, she may pull back. 293 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:26,840 You know, maybe she doesn't sit with them at lunch at the lunch table. 294 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:32,400 Maybe someone like says hi and she just kind of gives them the cold shoulder in the hallway. 295 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,860 And then the results, the R is the results. 296 00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:38,180 What are the results that we're getting in our life? 297 00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:42,040 And so that may be I'm not connected to my friends. 298 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,600 Like I don't know what's going on. 299 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,640 I don't know if my friends are really my friends. 300 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:54,000 So then what we do once we run that steer map, we then run an intentional steer map. 301 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,960 We want to look at we can enter it into a different points. 302 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,040 We could look at, you know, what are the results you want to have? 303 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:05,840 And maybe the result is like, I want to be invited to a sleepover or I want to feel closer 304 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,400 to my friends. 305 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,680 Maybe they want to have a different emotion. 306 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:15,520 You know, they just feel icky with that negativity and they want to feel something different. 307 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,460 I want to feel more confident with my friends. 308 00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:19,960 So then we work backwards. 309 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:24,280 So what would be some of the thoughts you might need to have if you want to feel confident 310 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,120 with your friends? 311 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:31,740 So that might be, well, maybe maybe they were only allowed to have four girls and it's not 312 00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:33,480 me that's not invited. 313 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,840 It's just the number. 314 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,480 You know, maybe they're doing a project for a class that I don't know about. 315 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,760 So it can be rewriting our thoughts to help us. 316 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,440 We create so many stories, too, that are right. 317 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:52,840 And the reason we do that, you know, is because there's so much information that comes at 318 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,560 us over the course of the day. 319 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,160 So our thoughts become habits. 320 00:18:56,160 --> 00:19:02,800 And sometimes we don't realize we have cognitive distortions that we fall into. 321 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:09,160 Another big thing I do with my girls is we look at like kind of a common nine to 13 cognitive 322 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,780 distortions. 323 00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:17,240 And we have challenge questions that we can use if we think we've fallen into a thought. 324 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:22,460 I call it for my girls, instead of cognitive distortions, I call it a thought hole. 325 00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:26,560 And so a common one for my girls is they get into the mind reading habit. 326 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,920 They know like, oh, my gosh, she thinks I'm cringy. 327 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,380 She doesn't like me. 328 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,900 So when we will what could be some other thoughts she has about you? 329 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,880 How do you know that's the thought she has about you? 330 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,480 And is that asking the question? 331 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,480 Is it really true? 332 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,480 Yeah. 333 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:47,840 And so then that can help them like, oh, my gosh, I got stuck in this feeling. 334 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,160 And I was treating this thought as if it was true. 335 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:55,600 And then that was clouding, you know, my actions and attitudes. 336 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,800 And that's maybe why I'm having some of the problems I'm having. 337 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,520 Yeah, I love that. 338 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,120 And I think that'll help with everything. 339 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:07,200 I was listening to a podcast just the other day from Mel Robbins, who's a huge, successful 340 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:13,600 person, and one of the thought afters, I don't know if you listen to it all, but she was 341 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,320 talking about she didn't get invited to a party. 342 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:22,160 And it was because her friend thought she was taking advantage of her asking her to 343 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:27,840 babysit where she was looking for sources to people to help babysit because her husband's 344 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,840 business was going under there. 345 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:31,160 $800,000 in debt. 346 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,440 She was just in survival mode. 347 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:39,840 But once you had that conversation, you know, we just kind of we create so many stories 348 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:40,840 in our head. 349 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,640 And like, why don't we create the good story? 350 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:44,640 Yeah. 351 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:49,340 And that's what's really hard for our girls. 352 00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:52,920 Another key thing is that our girls don't know how to have uncomfortable conversations 353 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,720 with one another. 354 00:20:54,720 --> 00:21:00,320 And so then oftentimes, there's something under the surface that's kind of happened 355 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:04,720 that there's maybe a resentment or a hurt, and they're not having the conversation. 356 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:08,800 And so then this tension kind of builds and this awkwardness between a friendship and 357 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,800 the girls don't understand what's going on. 358 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:15,400 So that's another thing that we're this whole month of March, we've been really looking 359 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,700 at the skills you need to have a healthy friendship. 360 00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:21,600 And we've been looking at boundaries and different ways. 361 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:27,400 Yeah, when and I there, the teenage girls, and I think it goes all ages, but they have 362 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,240 their friend group, which is a big thing now. 363 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,880 And like, I'm not part of that friend group or this friend. 364 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:33,880 I'm not this. 365 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:38,160 I'm friends with this person, like really good friends, but she's not part of the group. 366 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,160 So you have to act cool. 367 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,080 And you know, it goes on forever and ever and ever. 368 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,080 And it doesn't stop. 369 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,000 And I love that you're working on them now. 370 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,480 And oh, my gosh, they're going to be so much more powerful adults. 371 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:52,840 I mean, literally, this is what I wish I had had. 372 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:58,920 I was a very shy girl growing up, and my parents were very, very supportive, but I would have 373 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,520 really benefited from someone other than my mom and dad. 374 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:06,700 And back when I was growing up, we didn't have school counselors yet. 375 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:11,960 And so I probably would have loved to go in and talk with a school counselor, but having 376 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,860 someplace outside of school to go and talk. 377 00:22:15,860 --> 00:22:19,560 And that's another thing that my girls really enjoy in the brave girl tribe. 378 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:25,600 I have girls from all over and most likely there's so far I don't have anyone from the 379 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:26,600 same school. 380 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:27,600 Oh, that's awesome. 381 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:28,600 I'm wondering about that. 382 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:33,440 Yeah, there's a lot of anonymity where you can get online. 383 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:38,280 I have girls who are all from Fairfax County, but I have girls from all over the US and 384 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:39,280 Canada. 385 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:45,680 And I bet they're building great connections and bonds that are going to be lifetime. 386 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,680 Your high school friends are not your lifetime friends. 387 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:48,680 Yeah. 388 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:49,680 You're so much drama. 389 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,960 Yeah, it is so amazing. 390 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:57,280 And last this past Sunday call, you know, one of the girls was sharing an experience 391 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,360 she had. 392 00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:03,160 And she's like, I just don't know if like I'm overreacting. 393 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,440 And so it was so helpful for her to hear from the other girls. 394 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:07,740 You're not overreacting. 395 00:23:07,740 --> 00:23:09,480 This isn't just in your head. 396 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,120 This hurts. 397 00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:12,120 This is understandable. 398 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:15,960 And then we were able I was able to give her advice and then the other girls could add 399 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:16,960 in. 400 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,920 And afterwards, she's like, thank you guys so much. 401 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:20,920 This like was so helpful. 402 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,080 And it was like, made her feel more confident and heard. 403 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,080 It did. 404 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,080 It did. 405 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,880 And what's nice about the brave girl tribe is we also have I kind of think of it like 406 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,560 a Facebook page, but it's not on social media. 407 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:37,240 But the girls can communicate to each other when we're not on a call. 408 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:41,960 So they can make a post in the community page and say, oh, my gosh, like, a friend said 409 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,440 this to me, and I don't know what to do. 410 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,920 And you know, I can quickly I get all the messages. 411 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,680 So I know I can go moderate that. 412 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,240 Other girls give such great advice. 413 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,480 We're just even validating that hurt. 414 00:23:56,480 --> 00:24:01,940 And that's what sometimes our girls need is really someone to listen and say, oh, my gosh, 415 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:02,940 this is hard. 416 00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:05,400 This makes sense that you're upset. 417 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,400 Let's do that. 418 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:07,400 You know what we can do now. 419 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,680 Can we have a brave woman tribe? 420 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:18,240 It's funny because on Instagram, I have a lot of people who follow me that are women 421 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,680 that really benefit from the message. 422 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:25,840 And so and what I basically because I am the brave girl. 423 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,480 This is like what I still need. 424 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:33,440 It's a lot of times what I'm using is stuff that I knew I needed when I was young. 425 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:34,980 It's stuff that maybe we still need. 426 00:24:34,980 --> 00:24:37,900 So it's applicable to anybody. 427 00:24:37,900 --> 00:24:41,520 You know, I also have brave boys that I coach. 428 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,640 I have several boys that I do individual coaching with. 429 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:46,640 I have a son. 430 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:50,480 So, you know, I've always all made it. 431 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:51,960 Love my guys, too. 432 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:59,040 Yeah, I was thinking that to create a why not today tribe or why not a face. 433 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:03,240 I have the Facebook page, but a group where people can share and encourage each other. 434 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,480 I think you just encouraged me to add another list. 435 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:07,480 Thanks, Laura. 436 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,520 Well, and that's what's so nice, Leslie. 437 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:15,200 You have so many wonderful ideas and you do things from a place in your heart that you 438 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,640 want to really help and encourage and support people. 439 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:23,400 And so that's wonderful that you have this because that's how we help make the world 440 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,520 a better place. 441 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:30,520 Because then, you know, maybe there's someone in in your group that then, you know, is supporting 442 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:36,600 someone younger and it's helping all of us feel better because so many people are dealing 443 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:37,880 with anxiety and depression. 444 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,040 When you look at the rates, it's so many increases. 445 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,120 So much hard and stuff going on. 446 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:48,560 And I was sharing with you before we came on that there's a new book, I think it's called 447 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:57,040 The Good Life, but it's got it's under the about a study that I've heard about before. 448 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,600 It was the Harvard Men's Study and they interviewed men. 449 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:05,480 They followed men, white men from Harvard, starting in the 40s all the way. 450 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,560 And I think President Kennedy was one of the people he said. 451 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:14,200 But then they also had a group of more underprivileged men from Boston because it started in the 40s. 452 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,800 Now it's evolved and it's been going on this long. 453 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:24,040 And they've been studying people's life and their connections and their family and multigenerational. 454 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:29,000 And the one common denominator, which just really spoke to my heart was the one common 455 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:33,780 denominator happiness was connect was more relationships and connections. 456 00:26:33,780 --> 00:26:39,680 And I think that's such a hard thing for so many people to build those connections. 457 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:44,640 And because of what life happens, I mean, it takes work to build those connections and 458 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:45,640 have a relationship. 459 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:50,600 It's interesting right now in my world, I'm kind of swimming with some new friends I've 460 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,960 made that are recently divorced. 461 00:26:53,960 --> 00:27:00,400 And it's interesting in talking to them that I think I have really strong connected friendships. 462 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,480 I have a really strong thrive. 463 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,880 Not just in my Mary Kay world, but also just who I am. 464 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:11,000 I'm a connector and I build great good relationships. 465 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:15,360 And so I was talking to a friend the other day and I'm like, you know, I said, I think 466 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:19,280 maybe the one of the reasons I have such strong relationships with all kinds of people is 467 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,240 because I am single. 468 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,680 And I've had to develop those skills. 469 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,880 I said, I might need to do a podcast on, you know, how to thrive being single. 470 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,320 Yeah, all those relationships. 471 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:35,720 That would be so, I mean, and that, I mean, the why not today, like, because sometimes 472 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:40,480 adults still need to build the relationships and the social interpersonal skills. 473 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:45,880 And when your life has maybe shifted and you no longer have a partner, or your kids are 474 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,880 off in college and now you're an empty nester. 475 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:48,880 Now what? 476 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,040 I know. 477 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:53,480 My son's a sophomore and I'm like, okay, getting ready, getting ready. 478 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:59,800 I would say it's like when they're little, I said that kids, it's like the hours last 479 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,400 forever and the days go by so fast. 480 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:02,400 Years go by so fast. 481 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:03,400 Yeah, they do. 482 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:04,400 It is very true. 483 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:11,320 It is amazing how quickly, yeah, because I mean, we all find ourselves in different phases 484 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:16,320 of our life and sometimes it's reinventing ourselves or understanding and getting to 485 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:21,500 know ourselves better in this new stage and giving yourself permission. 486 00:28:21,500 --> 00:28:23,080 And there's nothing wrong with that. 487 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,920 We should be evolving and changing. 488 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,960 You're not going to be the same person you were in your twenties. 489 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:28,960 No, absolutely not. 490 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:29,960 Hopefully not. 491 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:37,600 And having those tools and those skills that you talk about, having a toolbox, I teach 492 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:38,600 that a lot. 493 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:45,720 It's like what are the things that can help you reframe and think different ways and to 494 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:49,080 be, to have those changes and decide, do what you want to do. 495 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:50,080 Enjoy your life. 496 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,440 There's so many people that are miserable. 497 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,960 And that's what I really hope this Why Not Today message encourages people. 498 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,920 Live your life, enjoy your life. 499 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,440 Do the things you want to do and you just never know. 500 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:05,920 You never know who is going to be connected to you and whose dream is connected to yours. 501 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,360 Yes, I love that. 502 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,280 You just spark a memory. 503 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:14,200 Last week, one of my favorite, my mentor is Lynn Lyons. 504 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:19,920 She does, she's a speaker and a psychotherapist who does a tremendous amount of work around 505 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,200 anxiety. 506 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:27,420 And she was in the Northern Virginia area and she presented in McLean and I got to actually 507 00:29:27,420 --> 00:29:30,500 meet her and have her sign one of her books. 508 00:29:30,500 --> 00:29:38,560 But one thing that she had said that is essential for parents is to have bring joy into your 509 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:39,560 life. 510 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:45,900 Really let your kids see you experiencing joy. 511 00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:51,280 And our kids really sometimes right now see they're fearful of growing up. 512 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,420 They see how difficult the world is. 513 00:29:54,420 --> 00:29:58,960 And it, you know, sometimes they see their parents maybe now because so many parents 514 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,360 work from home still my husband still works from home. 515 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:07,240 They see the pressure, they see the demands and they are like, I don't want that. 516 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:12,000 That does not look fun, exciting and invigorating. 517 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,860 And so finding joy. 518 00:30:14,860 --> 00:30:15,920 Why not today? 519 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:22,560 What could we do today to bring joy into our life or to make a new connection with someone? 520 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,840 That's awesome and the next question I was going to ask you is how would you encourage 521 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:26,840 somebody to be courageous? 522 00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,800 And I think that's one of the things is just show joy. 523 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:35,760 Yeah, it is a tremendous, it gives people permission. 524 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,200 People who don't even know you get to see that. 525 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,960 And it gives them hope. 526 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:45,960 It gives them maybe inspiration to step into finding what gives them joy. 527 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:53,920 And so that is it's an essential part of your self care and it can be so important for all 528 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:58,880 of us to see that that playful spirit like who were we when we were nine? 529 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,040 What did we do when we were little? 530 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:08,320 I saw a YouTube video yesterday and it was about Denmark and people on a trampoline and 531 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:13,040 trampolines I'm like you can just have fun and you know we need to have fun and have 532 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:19,120 joy in our life and celebrate the little successes and you know not take life so serious. 533 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:28,120 Exactly I mean that's I feel I benefit so much from my clients as well like sometimes 534 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:34,560 I get sometimes I like I hope we get as equal but I really get true gifts because I get 535 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:41,840 to see the world through their eyes and sometimes it can really spark you know inspiration hope 536 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:47,400 and you know getting connected back with who we were when we were young and what was important 537 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:53,640 perhaps to us and moving forward maybe more into that. 538 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,920 Yeah absolutely I know when I coach people and work with people it's the same thing you 539 00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,480 get so many gifts with helping and it reminds us of the thing and they can teach us also. 540 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:02,480 Yeah. 541 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:08,040 You know us being brave can help other people and then in turn help us by sharing with other 542 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,040 people. 543 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,600 We could go on forever and ever and ever and I wish we did have unlimited time but I don't 544 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:17,200 want listeners to say oh my gosh will they ever stop. 545 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:21,120 But I always like to connect this back because this started in honor of my dad connected 546 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:24,360 to my dad and some people like I never met your dad which I don't know if you ever did 547 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:25,360 meet my dad. 548 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,920 You've lived and rest in a while you may have seen them because people saw him around but 549 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:34,160 so I always go back to the connection of things I heard well first of all you know the connection 550 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:39,280 of John Pinkman that's a direct connect but you're changing lives and making a difference 551 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:40,280 in young people. 552 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,760 I think that was one a gift my father had. 553 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,960 We would have friends come over to come hang out of the lake or go out or somewhere and 554 00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:51,200 he would be like Laura grab that thing a mulch and help and you do it. 555 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:58,160 I'm like yeah I'm not doing your work yet but he was a father to a lot of people and 556 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:05,440 a lot of people didn't have that family that encouraged and he was tough you know and he 557 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:11,360 made he was made that he'd listened and he made you think I have several friends and 558 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:15,040 I mentioned before on this that have said they had more conversations with my father 559 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,760 than they ever did their own father. 560 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:23,760 That's so sweet that he was yeah it's heartbreaking but so nice that they had someone to because 561 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:27,760 that's really I mean if you have at least one adult caring adult in your life. 562 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:32,800 Yeah it makes a tremendous amount and so that's so lovely that he was that for so many people. 563 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:37,840 Yep and then the other connection is the lake life that is funny we grew up on Lake Anne 564 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:41,680 and his office was the other end of the lake and he always teased that he went all different 565 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:46,240 ways he was on there weren't paddleboards then but he had a windsurfing he went sailing 566 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:54,080 he swam he skated he sail you know all the ways and he could see us from his office which 567 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:58,400 had us in trouble a few times. 568 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:05,680 That sounds like he was like a fun person and just like creative and had that nice spirit. 569 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:10,800 Yeah so thank you Laura for sharing and I can't wait to do more with you so if somebody wants 570 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:14,800 to reach you or connect with you or what is it and I'm going to share this in the show 571 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:15,360 notes too. 572 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:15,840 Yeah. 573 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,360 What's the best way to find Laura? 574 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:28,000 The best way my website is the brave girl project dot com and they can find me on Instagram 575 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,640 at the brave girl project they can find me on Facebook at the brave girl project. 576 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:37,520 I also have a YouTube channel so they can look up the brave girl project. 577 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:42,560 So yeah I have a podcast. 578 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:43,520 And what was that? 579 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:44,800 I want to be part of your brave girl. 580 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,840 You can come and be a speaker. 581 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:53,040 I know it's funny we have guest speakers and you know then we always say you know once 582 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,680 you're here you're part of the tribe you know and. 583 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:59,120 Oh I'd love to come be a speaker and I know somebody else I'd love to refer you to. 584 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:02,880 That would be wonderful I'd love that yeah if someone has someone that they think they 585 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:08,080 maybe this would be helpful for the girls you know reach out I'm always open to 586 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:12,480 meeting new people and finding different resources and ways to support. 587 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:16,160 So yeah well thank you everybody for listening thank you Laura. 588 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:23,600 You can find the why why not today podcast on now we're on YouTube we are on Spotify 589 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:30,400 iTunes all the places we do have why not today gear swag so if you need a why not today cup 590 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:37,440 we've got t-shirts we've got finals and share this with a friend if you think might need 591 00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,480 to hear it or if you know somebody who'd be a good guest and always looking for powerful 592 00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:45,280 women and men as guests to kind of share so thank you again thanks Laura and thank you 593 00:35:45,280 --> 00:36:11,040 everybody for listening and just say why not today why not today.