Hi, my name is Leslie. I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast. This is a podcast where
we celebrate people who have been courageous and said, Why not today? I started this podcast
in honor of my father, Patrick Kaye, who often said, Why not today? I'm based in Reston,
Virginia, a planned community right outside of Washington, DC, and thanks for joining
us today. And I'm excited to have my guest today and it's Tamara Hellam, who is a friend
of mine, known her for several years, but she's been doing some fun things, being courageous.
So as she's been sharing her story and what she's doing, I'm like, you need to be a guest
on my podcast. So before I start, I always like to talk about connections. You just never
know where you're going to meet somebody. So this podcast is not about Mary Kaye, and
somebody pointed out one time, but that seems to be my world. So Tamara and I actually,
we did meet because of Mary Kaye. She is a Mary Kaye consultant and we met at some conferences
and then she lives in Florida. So I was privileged in the last couple of years to spend time.
I think we spent time together every year for a while because I went there myself and
then with my mom and sister and I went there since 2020 several times. And so you build
those relationships and connections with people. And Tamara has been a great friend. And as
I said, she's been doing some cool things. So Tamara, let's, would love to hear from
you. And before we go into your story and everything, tell us a little bit about you
and fascinating fun facts that somebody might not know.
Okay. Well, first of all, I just want to thank you so much for having me on your podcast
today. Like Leslie said, we met through Mary Kaye, we were in leadership together and we,
I have to give some kudos and props to Leslie because Leslie is my fun friend. We found,
we met through a mutual friend who claimed that I stole her, but I did not. We're all
really good friends now. And she's my adventure buddy. And we have traveled together and done
crazy and fun things. And I like to surround myself by balcony people, people who pull
you up. And Leslie is one of those people, Leslie, you make me better. So I just thank
you for that.
You are welcome.
Yeah. So, okay. So a little bit about me. I do live in Florida. I live in sunny Bradenton,
Florida, which is just south of Tampa on the West coast. I'm a Jersey girl. I'm originally
from New Jersey. I will always be a Jersey girl at heart, but I love the Florida lifestyle.
So yeah. So honestly, Snow TV is great and it's good to stay there. Professionally, I'm
a registered nurse and I work from home as a quality assurance manager, which sounds
very boring, but it's actually interesting to me. So we're from home health company.
Personally, I'm an entrepreneur. I run a successful drug sales business like Leslie. I'm also
a full-time caregiver for a family member who's going through a health crisis and fun
facts. Let's see. I love to travel. I've learned to scuba dive, belly dance. And while I was
building my business, my team and I earned seven company cars, which is something kind
of fun and cool. So that is awesome. Congratulations. Yeah. And you know, I love that you're a registered
nurse and that got you to Florida. And then you, because you were a traveling nurse and
fell in love with it and stayed and then discovered your direct sales business and pursued that
and left nursing and then went back to nursing and been able to do both at the same time,
which I love that, you know, this is something we can do alongside things and teach us. I
know you've mentioned many times what you learned in Mary Kay has helped you with the
other jobs. So this podcast about courage and giving people hope and people being able
to say, you know, me too. And, and do the things they're kind of afraid to do. So first,
before we start talking about your story, tell me what the word courage means to you.
Courage to me means stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing things that are uncomfortable,
but stretch and grow you. And I would say that courage takes faith. It's not always
loud faith though. Sometimes it's the kind of faith that moves you. It's a quiet faith.
It just moves you to take the first step because that's the most courageous step. And then
you just have to trust God for the rest.
Absolutely. Totally agree. It's interesting. Everybody's got their own definition of faith
of courage and it kind of circles around the same thing, but it's always a little different.
One of the projects I have on my to do list this week is create courage cards with everybody's
definition of courage to be able to share and encourage each other. So, all right. So
what have you done in your life that took courage? And I don't know if you want to
pull some things from the past or just what we've been talking about recently with living
your life and vision and your health and fitness and...
Couple things.
Let's talk about all those things. And I thought those would be a perfect episode to talk to
you now. This episode will air on December 24th of 2022. And as we wrap up the end of
the year, so those of us that are goal oriented, we wrap up the end of the year, we kind of
start looking at things in the new year. And I know we've been trained a lot about goal
setting and visions and manifesting things. And so I think this is a great topic and I
know you're going to talk about fitness a little bit too, a great topic to kind of end
the year and start have people start thinking of things for the new year. So share some
courage stuff with us.
Okay. Well, I did kind of dig a little deep because that's kind of a broad question. Like
what have you done in your life that takes courage? Well, I mean, I'll give you a couple
examples. When I was young, I put myself through nursing school. I have made unpopular decisions
throughout my life to change careers or employers at times where it didn't necessarily make
sense on paper, but they were the best choices for me. So I followed my heart and my own
vision. What else did I do? I recently applied for and was accepted to pursue my master's
degree, which is something I have now doing at one of the busiest and most unlikely times
in my life. But again, you kind of got to dig deep and I realized that this is something
that's been on my heart for a long time and why not now? I also, also, go ahead.
Let's talk about that for a minute. So I know a couple months ago, you said that you need
to start living and you did a vision board. I did things that are on your vision board
are coming to fruition and you did it not even that long ago. And I think you said two
out of the three things on there have already manifested. Talk about your education piece
and how that kind of happened and manifested and from the vision board to, I think there
were a lot of God-wing coincidences, things that just had to line up exactly right.
Yeah. Okay. So I kind of had a revelation, I would say probably about six, seven months
ago, just one of those moments, you know, where you get quiet and you realize, you just
realize some things. And I realized that I think the pandemic changed all of us. I went
through a lot of things personally and professionally that just caused me to pause or things to
change. And without realizing it, I had stopped setting goals. And I've always been a goal
oriented person. I think that time, like Leslie said, I know this podcast is not about Mary
Kay, but being in business in a direct sales business, it did teach a lot about goals and
I learned how to set them. It became part of my life. And so, I think too with COVID,
we went into survival mode, like, okay, how am I going to survive this? And we stopped
dreaming and stopped setting goals and stopped paying attention to our vision because we're
just trying to survive. Yeah. And that's very true. And the more people that I talked to,
the more I realized that's been a commonality. But you know, I could tell you, I could tell
you what's going on in Virgin River on Netflix, but I couldn't tell you about my goals. And
so it was just time. And so, you know, I kind of went old school. It's been a while since
I've done a vision board, but if you've never done one before, it's a very cool exercise
to do. I remember the first time I ever made one, I thought it was stupid. I went kicking
and screaming like, why am I cutting out these pictures of things?
That's what a vision board is. And obviously I know it.
Yeah. Well, a vision board or some people call it, you know, like a goal poster, a vision
board is really, it's actually there's, there's neuroscience behind it. I'm having a healthcare
background. I like science and all that stuff, but your brain cannot tell the difference
between what's perceived and what's real. And so when you take those things visually
and you put them out there and you look at them, it actually helps you manifest them
because you will work towards them. And so what I realized is that I needed something
new and visual. I needed to take old stuff down. I needed to put new stuff off. And I,
it gave me, I gave myself permission to think about what was important to me and what would
make a difference now. And so in doing so, there were a couple of things I put on there
that were self care related, because it's very important for me in my life, right? At
this moment, I think it's important for all of us, but especially it's something I have
recognized they need to be mindful of. And so I put them on there and that's where my
fitness came, came from. I've always enjoyed being outside. It's not like I just woke up
and started exercising. I've always exercised, but I used to have specific fitness goals
and I had gotten away from those.
Well, and you, you in the last couple of years have become a caregiver. As you mentioned
with health issues. And I know what I've seen with health, with healthcare or caregivers
is you put caregivers usually put themselves last and helping everybody else. So what I
admire about you is you finally decided like, I got to live my life and take care of me.
It's that whole airplane adage, you know, put them oxygen mask on yourself before you
do something else.
Yeah, absolutely. And that's really important. It's really easy for, I think women too, especially
not to, to be whatever gender specific, but we're kind of designed that way. You know,
whether you're a mom or whether you professionally are in a role where you take care of people
or whether you're taking care of aging parents or a spouse or a friend or whatever, but it's
easy to, to, to push yourself last. And actually if you, it's not selfish to put yourself first,
because when you do, you, you're then able to give the best of yourself to those around
you. And so I put that on my poster and then in doing so, I realized I need some other
tangible goals and things that were not so big that I couldn't obtain them, but that
stretched me. And so it had been since 2019 that I had run a race. I'd actually had picked
up running six years ago. I had a personal trainer that taught me how to do it. And I
went kicking and screaming because I said, I'd never do this, but I realized once she
said your goal oriented and this will give you something to, to track. And I think it
would be very good for you. Well, I, I found that I actually liked it. And so, but I put
it down. And so again, it was one of those things I thought, you know what, this is tangible.
Like I remembered, I went back to that place that when I put those shoes on and I had a
race and I had something that I was working towards that, that gave me a win. And it was
something I could work on along the way. So I put a, I put a race on my, on my poster.
And then the other thing that I, there's a couple other things that are on there, but
the one big thing that just came out while I was looking at things. And when you create
these vision boards, again, you're cutting out pictures, you're, you might pick words
that apply to you. And so I had just kind of started, I kind of made a list of what
was important to me. And then I started looking for pictures that, that spoke to me. And so
when I did that, what was interesting was that I had kind of dug deep and thought about
the fact that once upon a time I wanted to go get my master's degree in nursing. But
again, as Leslie said, I had changed careers. And so I had put that down for a while. My
entire focus of my career has changed because I'm now no longer at the bedside. I've developed
a different skillset. And so what's available now that has evolved as well. And so that
came back on the table, like, wow, I, you know, I'm in a different place now. My life
is different. I work at home. Like I might be able to do this. Why, like, why not today?
So I put it on there, but not, it was kind of in the periphery. It wasn't something that
was going to happen right now, but that's kind of the power of your, your vision board
because things started to, to come up and made me think about it. And so it's almost
like being a woman. Like I remember when green was like the color of the season and I had
this green purse and I never really paid attention to green purses before until all of a sudden
I had one and everybody had a green purse and I could see it everywhere.
How they're reticular activating. Yes. And often or often kind of associated with like
red cars. Like if you're looking for a red car, all of a sudden you see red cars everywhere.
So if you're looking, if something's in your, in your brain and your reticular activating
system, all of a sudden you start seeing it and it starts manifesting. Yeah. So that's
kind of what, that's kind of what happened with the whole, with the whole education thing.
So, but it's not really a likely time. Like if you, it'd be very easy for me to say, well,
now it's not the season and I've done that for a long time, but why, why not? I know
you kind of did some, like it kind of came out of nowhere, like very quickly. So you
put it on your vision board, which was maybe a month ago, two months ago, two months ago.
Yeah. And then it started showing up. So you applied. I applied. I had a conversation.
I had a conversation and then I started to look into it some more. And then what I realized
is sometimes what we tell ourselves versus what's real are two different things. And
the more that I investigated it, I realized it was obtainable because it was something
I could, I could set a goal kind of like my fitness and work at it at bite-sized pieces
and make it manageable for me. So the thing about setting goals is you want to set something
that, that stretches you, but something that you could still, that you still have the passion
and the wherewithal to, to devote the time and energy to it. Cause otherwise you'll just
be frustrated. And what I recognize like with this, I could, you know, it was one class
at a time every eight weeks for a year and a half. And I thought I can do that. Right.
And then, you know, you found the school and you applied and pretty quickly you got in
like a week later, maybe week, like a week and a half. I mean, it just, it just moved.
Yeah. And then you said you talked to your boss and they're on board with it. Yeah. Yeah.
So very supportive. Are you getting scholarships? Have you figured that out? Are they providing?
No, no, there, there's, I mean, different employers have tuition reimbursement. I'm
looking into that, you know, which is a possibility, but even so, you know, it just, things are
just starting to align, which is, which is very, very cool. Yeah. Yeah. Excited for you.
You start in March, March. Yes. March. And that's the thing. That's, that's my, I'll
talk about that a little later, but that's my, my goal is to start in March. The college
kept saying January and I kept saying, no March, you know, so you set your goals are
your goals. So you, you want to, you want to make them, you don't want someone else
to change what's best for you. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And you know, often too, we look at
things in life that we want to do complete start around those zero birthdays. And I know
you have a zero birthday coming up. My goal when I got my master's degree was to finish
by the time I turned 30, which I finished two months after I had my 30th birthday. And
ironically started my Mary Kay business the year I turned 30. Also, so those zero birthdays,
you start thinking, okay, how do I want, you know, all birthdays are beginning of the year.
We kind of evaluate our life, but I think those zero birthdays, as we get up to higher
zero birthdays, we start looking at, okay, what do I want my life to look like? And I
think after COVID, I think it's a good time to evaluate. So as we end the year and look
into the new year, like spend some quiet time. And if Tamara and I were just talking beforehand,
one of the things I'd like to do with, then they're all week is to do some planning, reflecting
and goal setting. But I had to get rid of some of the clutter first before kind of had
to clear the decks of all the loose ends before I could start. And I do want to do a vision
board because like, Tamara, I haven't done one in a while. I actually had one up for
years. And it's a bulletin board that says dream in the middle. And I had all these pictures
posted. And last year at some point, I just took them all down. It's just been empty.
Like it's time to look at what those things are. And that gives you hope. Yeah, yeah,
it gives you hope. And that's one of the things I want this hotline to do or hotline, this
podcast to give people hope. And one of the subjects I would love to have if somebody
listening wants to share about is, you know, it's kind of talked about a little bit with
you, but the role of a caregiver, and what that looks like. And as we are getting older,
the kind of world I'm swirling in, there's a lot of discussion about elder care, what
does that look like? Some subjects to kind of talk about that a lot of us are in that
boat to give people hope. So okay, so let's go back to your running. Okay, because that
was a cool little path. So you're gonna run, you decide it, you signed up for race, you
got that goal, you had that deadline. And then what did you do? I mean, I know the steps,
but let's talk about you got prepared. I did. Well, first of all, I, you know, I decided
that that was that was an obtainable goal for me. And I picked, you know, if you are
going to pick a goal, pick something that stretches you, but that's not something so
crazy big that you that you can't reach it reasonably. So I like that you had a shorter
time frame to I did, I did not super long, I just I've been reading a book called the
12 week gear and talks about when you have a year long goal, you rally at the end of
the year at the beginning of the year, like, it's got a long way to go. But when you have
a shorter time frame, you're more apt to rally from the beginning and not be able to say,
Oh, well, start that later, later. Yeah, this was nine weeks, it was nine weeks to train.
And I picked a 5k because I hadn't run and I had run in a race since 2019. And so put
that I remember having a conversation, you're like, Oh, I did that before, but I really
don't like running and I'm never going to run it again. Yep. Because what we say, right?
I did, I did. But you know, I went I went to a place where I had to put it down because
I wasn't I've been there done that. And then you you you you kind of have to be ready for
things and I recycled it because, you know, I was in a different place in my life. And
I realized that this was something that didn't require I mean, didn't require a lot of equipment
and just my shoes and, and new shoes, though, right? I actually bought two pairs of new
shoes. Yeah, you know, two pairs of shoes. I bought running lights. What did I do? I
treated myself to some new clothes and new workout clothes. I think that the biggest
thing that I did was once I decided I was going to to to do this that I that I signed
up right away. So I have something to hold my feet to the fire. And then everybody's
different. But I need accountability, like, and be careful who you share your lot of people
do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. And so I put it out there because I friends that run.
And I said, Hey, I'm running again. I'm going to do a race. Is anybody running it? Because
I thought, hey, it might be fun to have people to do it with. And so a neighbor of mine had
commented that, hey, I belong to a running club, you should you should join, come join
us, because it'll be a great place for you to train. And I thought, oh, boy. So I looked
it up and they're 530 in the morning. But that was the biggest catalyst for me, because
if you're really going to commit to something, what are like, there was a million reasons
why I could have said I wasn't going to do this, like, I'm too busy, I'm taking care
of someone else, I have these other responsibilities, I'm tired, it's, you know, and in the past,
when I had stopped, it was because I hadn't reframed things and figured out how to fit
it in. But at 530 in the morning, nothing else is going on except for me. So why not?
And to get out out again around some positive people. So I went and I, you know, I fell
in love with it. And so going there, he actually made relationships and connections with people.
And then I surrounded myself people with like minded people who are not going to let me
off the hook. I also, you know, shared with several people that were important in my life
that I was doing this. So then they're asking me about it. So it really helped me stay on
track. And the fact that I knew that I had a finish line across in nine weeks, and I'll
just tell a quick story, my last race that I did before, that was kind of the reason
I put it down for a while, I did not prepare for it. And I did not publicly share that
I was doing it. And I didn't really, I had some days doing it with but she was, it was
fun for us, but there was no accountability. And so I let myself off the hook and my outcome
was, it's very funny, but it was terrible. And so this time, I was, you know, came in
last, I was, I was the last one, the last one. In fact, the sweepers came and they picked
up the cones, I didn't think anybody else was running. But at that point, we had, we
were walking and we said that we were going to walk. So it was not about achieving anything.
But I realized that that may have been fun to a degree. But I think we were both a little
frustrated with it. And so, you know, again, have something that's that's gonna hold your
feet to the fire. And so for me, that that was it. And so I, you know, I trained for
it. And my running club only needs three days a week. And so on the off days, then I got
myself into a pattern. And so the days that I wasn't with the club, then I would go to
the gym, because it became I really started tracking my miles, I started tracking how
fast I was going, which I'm not fast, but my goal was just to, to finish and to do the
to run the whole thing. And so it was good as it was measurable and obtainable. And I
think that was the really great thing about it. Yeah. And you know, you hit all goals
setting one on one topic. You know, our goal. But you know, first, you came to like you
had that aha, like, okay, I stopped dreaming, I stopped visualizing, you did your vision
board first. And then from there, you put you broke it down to the goal of what was
important to you getting your master's degree running a rate. You gave yourself a deadline,
which is important, instead of just someday and someday isn't a time you get had some
accountability buddies, you joined a club, you did it joined like minded people that
motivated you. And you knew your limitations. And I know you said there were some women
that ran like crazy and very diligent. There was one lady that kind of held back and ran
helped you and ran with you. Yes, you connect with them. You have scheduled the time to
fit into your world. And I think that's so important. You know, when you make a decision,
you've got to figure out how is it going to fit in your world? Instead of like, oh, I'll
do it sometime? No, you got to schedule it. And that's why I exercise in the morning too.
I have a new neighbor that keeps texting me in the middle of the day, the end of the day,
do you want to walk? Do you want to? I'm like, no, like I do it in the morning. First of
all, I like to exercise in the morning, because it gets my day started. So not only am I exercising
when I'm getting fresh air outside, I'm listening to something positive, I'm getting my head
right for the day. So I know you had mentioned with running how that just made you feel good
and exercise releases endorphins and makes us feel good. And then, you know, hold your
feet to the fire, having that goal, that deadline, but not only that, but you were tracking it,
you were having measurable things like how far you ran and your speed. So all those things
go into account. So I think, you know, as we end the year, I think it takes some reflection.
I was talking to somebody earlier about it. And, you know, look at where you were last
year. And then what do you want to do this year? What how much more do you want to do?
Do you want to make more money and or be healthier or happier? I heard a podcast the other day
and the gentleman said, you know, as we get older, people start talking about retirement
and, you know, slowing down all this stuff. And he said, there is no reason why every
single day you can't get healthier, wealthier and happier. I'm like, I love that. Like,
you're not done. And I'm not ready to throw in the towel. So all those things just tie
into it. I'm so proud of you and all that you've done in spite of a lot of life going
on behind the scenes that you're living. You can't change what's going on in your world.
There's there's things that you can't control, but there's things that you are, you can.
And so I've I've made a choice, an intentional choice to control the things that I can. And
I choose positive things. So how are you feeling about your goals and what you're achieving?
I feel great. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I mean, when I first set the goal, it
was motivating. Like I was motivated. You know, I mean, I'm motivated to start school.
I'm I was motivated to to run the race after I ran the race, which was last Sunday and
across the finish line. I felt empowered and confident. I mean, the feeling that you get
when you set a personal goal and you reach it, it's just priceless. It's personal achievement.
And I'll tell you, and I thought this was interesting when I went, there was a lot of
people that were there like me just doing it on their own. There are people in groups,
but there's a lot of people just doing it on their own. You could tell they were doing
it just for them. And so I didn't need a big bunch of people cheering for me. In fact,
I had strangers cheering for me, which was fine. I crossed the finish line myself. And
that's because I chose to do it. And that that felt that felt great. So sometimes the
things that you do behind the scenes for yourself when no one is watching are the things that
mean the most, you know, and that's your scripture about that. You know, do those things. Don't
boast about it, but do it. Yeah, I can't put scripture, but I know there is one. And I
did share about it on social media. And I've had like all these, you know, friends of him
the crowd were going to congratulate me, but I didn't do it to boast. I just, I just wanted
to share my story. What I, what I did, cause it was, it was really fun, you know, and you
know, and that's what we talk about. Where can we give people hope? So let me ask you
this question is what encouragement would you give somebody else to say why not say?
I would just say, ask yourself, what's the worst thing that would happen if I did this
and what's the best thing that would happen if I did this and then think about what would
happen if you didn't. So, you know, when I was making decisions, I kind of think of those
things and then, you know what, and then take the first step. That first step is courageous.
And then once you take that first step, then take, take another step, you know, you matter
and, and you're, you're capable of a lot more than you think you are. And like Leslie said,
don't wait until January 1st, 2023 to set goals for the new year. I mean, the week between
Christmas and New Year's is a great time and great time to take inventory of what's important
to you and to take your first step. So how, how cool would it be to wake up on January
1st, 2023 with clarity and something to be excited about, you know, and one of, one of
my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29 11 and says, you know, God says, I know the plans I have
for you and that's plans to create a hope and a future, you know, and you're just going
to trust that God has, has good things for you. You know, if you pick something that's
the wrong thing, he's going to direct your path. You're all good. Let's get out there.
I love the time between Christmas and New Year's because things do kind of slow down.
I remember when I was in grad school and you didn't have to do school and, or even in college
and you know, work slow down. I usually take time off between Christmas and New Year's,
hated work at then. But it was time to clean out, rethink, get rid of the clutter, plan,
visualize. I know one of my most memorable New Year's and actually I interviewed my friend
Mary on this podcast. We talked about it. The two of us, I think we went to the movies
and went back to her condo and maybe had one drink, but not much. It wasn't like, I'm not
one of those big party on New Year's Eve kind of girls, but we made goal posters to end
the year. And I love waking up January 1st, just ready to run and just a clean slate,
ready to go. And I'm super excited about that. So connection to my dad, I always try to connect
back to my dad with everybody. And people are like, well, I never met your dad, which
you didn't, did you? I don't think you did.
I did not meet your dad, but I feel like I know him through talking with you and talking
with your mom and the stories that you told, you know, your dad, from what I understand,
you know, Pat was very innovative and he left a legacy for his community. And I can relate
to you in many ways because I have a very strong relationship with my own dad, who I
think is similar to your dad in many ways. And so I can appreciate and understand your
desire to honor him and to carry on his work through your podcasts and things that you're
doing in your community. So, and, and flat pat is with me all the time. We got my flat
pat right here.
Well, I love that the people are following you and they encourage you. I know you said
you took your, why not today cup with you to the race to encourage you. And it's just
a one off day. And so, you know, you did not know my dad, but you are Golar in which he
was. And, you know, one kind of connection is he did as a city planner, he did work in
the Florida area, Sarasota right there where you live and clear water. So have that connection
to him. And he loved the sun and he loved the beach. And I know you do too. So we could
talk forever and ever, but I want to thank you for joining me. And I hope we've given
people courage and motivation to start something new in the new year or finish strong in the
end of the year. One of the things that I am finishing strong, I know Pam and I were
having conversations about finishing and I looked at my to do list and the thing that's
been on my to do list, probably may is to do a website for the why not today podcast.
So it is getting finished right now and it will launch before the end of the year. And
I'm excited to have that clean slate. So you can find the why not today podcast on Spotify,
Google, Apple, iTunes, any place you can find it. But one of the things I'm starting to
look at is if you listen to it, review it, share it with somebody, rate it. Maybe do
some contests and things the new year about that, because I was kind of looking at the
algorithm. I was surprised at how many people follow my Facebook group, but I don't know
who's listening. Let me know if you're listening. Share, comment, as I said, review and share
the why not today message with somebody else. I do have cups and I have vinyls that you
can get and t-shirts, long and short sleeves. And so, you know, spread that why not today
message. So thanks again, Tamara, for sharing your story and your courage. And just remember,
say why not today. Thanks again for joining us.