All right. Good morning. Hello. My name is Leslie Kane. I'm the host of the Why Not Today
podcast. This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, why not
today? I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Kane, who often said, why
not today? I'm based in Reston, Virginia, a Planned Community right outside of Washington,
D.C., and thanks for joining us today. I'm super excited today to have Mary Foley, who
has been a friend for years and has done all kinds of courageous things. And we keep reconnecting.
And it's just been a fun adventure with your friendship. And so she had just started a
podcast herself, which we're going to talk about. And it's called What Now? Live Your
Life by the Color of Your Nail Color. Did I get it right? I messed it up.
Almost look like your nail color.
That's a good nail color. And I have. Luckily, I got my nails done.
I love it. I love it. We can see you in person right now and you got this bright nail pink. Love
it. Yes, exactly. So I'm excited to hear from you, Mary, and your stories. But before we do
that, I always talk about connections and how we connect with people. And I love our connection
that I think we met when you wrote a book at a book signing event. For some reason, I've got to
envision a hotel at Tyson's Corner. I have no idea. But we've connected and reconnected and
you've moved away and just keep connecting. And I just love that. So you just never know who that
person's going to be that's going to be in your life. And if you're not physically near him or
you haven't talked to him in a while, then don't let it go. You know, if you get that little nudge,
call him, see him. And I think a couple of years ago, we connected. I was driving through Richmond
and that's where you lived and an appointment canceled. And I just reached out and like,
you have time for coffee and we were able to reconnect. So it's been kind of fun. So super
excited to hear from you, Mary, and all about your podcast and your courageous stories. So
share a little about you before you get to the courage part. And what's a fun fact we should know
about Mary Foley. Oh, my gosh, fun fact. Okay, so I was thinking as you were doing an introduction,
kind of laying the groundwork for today's conversation, I was like, is it courageous,
or is it crazy? You know, like it sometimes can look feel like it's crazy to you or to others
when you're doing something courageous, something new to you. So all right. So when you asked me
to be on this podcast, I started thinking about you said, you know, you have all these things
you've done in your life. Okay, so truth be told, you know, I've been on this earth a little more
than five decades, and I've been racking up not the points, but certainly the experiences, right.
So at this point, I hope to have a trend. And so I thought I thought, I started thinking about what
are these moments where I thought immediately like, what was crazy. And the thing I really want to
share is highlights, because it was more as if I don't know, to me, perhaps, the different
experiences and how courage kept showing up or my courage kept saying, hey, are you going to show up?
Right. So the first one that definitely comes to mind is when I graduated. Okay, for you,
wait, wait, wait, wait, for you all your stories, a little bit about you and a fun fact.
I thought a little bit about me were my stories. Okay, so the little bit about me is that I am a
business coach for women entrepreneurs. And I love doing that, because I want to see more and
more women entrepreneurs succeed. It's not as easy as it looks. And so that's a little bit about me
and what I do every day. What's a fun fact? Fun fact is
when COVID started, this had been on the plan to do, it just happened to be COVID went along with
it. Or the quarantine is I got a new bicycle after 20 years. They say you can get back on the bike.
Well, I'm here to say you can. And I felt like a 16 year old. I didn't even, you know, I even had
a donated gifted bike to me. It was my mom's 30 year old Schwinn. I mean, it was just funny when
I look back, but I tried it out again. I went, I love this. It's fun. And we needed fun. And we
need also some stress relief during that quarantine time and I could get outside. And so since then,
I now have a much better bike, much more my size and suited to me. And I never thought that when
I started biking again, they give me about 14 months later, I would do what's called a century
ride. That is 100 miles at one time, a hundred miles in a day. And I did it with my gal pal
and biking buddy. And so it's always good. We are convinced we would not have made it had it not
been for each other. Yeah. Yeah. But, and I thought, you know, I did it right after I turned 57 years
old, 56 years old. And you're like, you can't do something. It was proving to me, it was showing me
actually through this bike, you can get back on the bike if you keep pedaling and you, and having
a goal and having a buddy makes a huge difference. So that's awesome. And it's interesting. There
seems to be a theme. And I think we talked about this the other day, kind of my niche market for
this is a lot of the women that I've interviewed are hitting fifties and like doing different things
in life. So that's really cool. I think it's a great time. I've think I've been on a bike once
since I got my driver's license. So maybe one day. Yeah. So tell me what does courage mean to you?
If you could give a quick definition. I know it can mean lots of things, but what's courage?
Courage to me is
not giving up.
Love that. And so true. Yeah. Simple. And maybe I could expand that and simply courage is
carving your own path and not giving up. Yeah. And you've had lots of that in your life.
So what I know there's lots of things you've done and we kind of pinpointed some that I knew of,
and I'm sure there's more. And I think you want to kind of go on in the way of highlights. So
share your why not today's your courage, your things you've done, because I think you've had
a full life of living that motto. Well, because you asked the question, you helped me kind of
go, wow, I really have had a full life. And I know it, but when someone asks you to kind of review
and give a synopsis, I just became more grateful of it. And it helped me actually a lot, Leslie,
because the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves are the most powerful stories in our
lives. So you made me reflect and say, what is my story again? And how does that inform me today?
So here's some highlights. When I thought about moments of courage, moments of gutsiness,
the first one that came to my mind was when I was 23 years old, I just graduated from Virginia Tech
in engineering. And the only thing I knew was I didn't want to be an engineer. And it would have
been a great lucrative career. But I came to the conclusion just didn't personally give me joy. And
I already felt depressed thinking about doing that job. I was very proud of my degree, by the way,
my parents, on the other hand, were deer in the headlights. What? You just gone through this,
we pay for it, you know, you're supposed to be launched. Right. But when I decided, okay,
I don't know what I want to do. But I know that's not on the list. So first, it was courage to say
no to that career. Even when my my student, my my peers, right, those who are my scene, there's
were all seniors in college. And they're like, Mary, you know, just try it for a while. You know,
you know, you can always fall back on engineering. And I thought nobody falls back on engineering.
And I said, No, and I had to have the courage to my my peer group then then I'd have the courage
to tell my my parents. But the bigger thing was, what am I going to do? But the thing is, is that
had I not said no to that, because I think there's courage to say no to things in our lives. Yes,
that I even when I don't know what to say yes to yet, but is that it led me to Northern Virginia,
I decided to go to the big city. And that happened to be Northern Virginia, Metro DC,
met you in that process. And I just look for a job to pay the bills to get started doing something.
I wasn't looking by the big career, I'll figure it out as I go along. And that led me to a decade
career with AOL when AOL was cool. And this we're talking Yes, right. I mean, it was in the 90s.
That experience that decade changed my life, changed my life, and it formed me enables me to
do what I'm doing today about entrepreneurship. And, and also, you know, they had a good, nice,
little compensation plan that helped me out. So I'm that to me was a big, it was a big thing to say
that at 23 years old, when the expectations were all on me about, well, you've got this degree,
you're a female, you're in the minority, you know, people going to want to hire you. So that you've
landed in a good place at AOL, but you started if I remember correctly, before AOL was AOL, and you're
like answering calls or something like that, like not an engineering degree. It was not
exactly what I was, I was working for a company whose name then it was called change its name to
AOL later on, it was called quantum computer services, about 120 people in this company,
I was hired for the call center for a year, I was answering the phone calls that were coming in from
the 800 number, I was answering people's technical questions, you know, they were having to get the
software working, they're billing questions, you know, just general stuff, they're ranting and raving.
Yeah, I have a whole appreciation for customer service departments like that. And I thought I
was going to leave, I mean, literally going, okay, you know, I'll just I was trying to figure out my
life. I didn't expect to stay there then. But I did like the community, I liked the company and
the culture and an opportunity, an opening came up in the training department of the customer service
department, they to train and I thought I can train the people to do what I did, I think.
And so I was able to get that position and I, you know, there were several that applied that put me
on the path Leslie to then going, I did that for I was training manager, then it was call center
manager, then I was the head of corporate training for the entire company by the time I left.
But trust me, it was my parents are going, I don't know, she just works for some computer company,
that's my daughter does right now. I mean, they really did. Yeah.
You know, in the early 90s. Yeah, that's right.
So the thing though that happened at the same time in that decade is I got married. And that is
courageous in its way, but I was excited. What the courageous part was, I didn't realize until I
was into it that I had married a man who had anger management problems, and he was abusive,
he was physically abusive, emotionally abusive. And I was just in shock. So fast forward, what
ended up happening was I knew it wasn't right. I didn't know how to get out of it. I finally
get the courage to go dark about many courages to go to a counselor. He thought good, you're
going to go get fixed. I was like, I'm going to go try to figure this out. And I really,
when you're in an abusive relationship, one of the tactics is when they at the by the abuser,
but also it's so easy to feel like so doubting of yourself. So self criticizing. And so it took me
a little bit, I thought, well, you know, my head was jost around. So this counselor really helped
to get it straight. And then I had the courage to get the muster of the courage. She goes, you have
to, after we had several sessions talking about it, you have to talk to him about this, like you
can take a weekend away, or you just, you have to, you have to, you have to get a break from this.
I thought, oh, that's not going to go over. Right. Okay. So because big thing about abusers,
typically there's control. So he gave me the opportunity because of this incident that was
of this incident that was going to happen that had been repeated before. And instead I ran out
of the apartment and essentially never came back for an entire year. And then we started to see if
we could work things out. Ultimately it didn't. But the thing was, is that here I was not believing I
earned this treatment. However, fear of what he would do kept me back from leaving, which is
something I never thought of before until I was in it. And then also I just was so ashamed. I was
the shame of, I let this happen to me. And then I'd never, nobody in my family had gotten divorced
and the feeling of failure that brought, you know, it was, so these negative emotions that are very
real and tangible, but typically they're negative. Fear is a big one. This one, shame is a big one,
will keep us from doing the very thing and having the courage or mustering the courage.
I finally did because the counselor helped me kind of get my thinking straight.
You have the courage to get help, which is so many people love.
And then the courage to listen and process it, right? Think about it. Because any counselor,
any third party is really just a tool, whether they're information or guidance and such,
you have to still take it in and decide what you're going to do for it. But you know what,
here's the thing. And I did finally get the courage to exit and to exit safely and get
other people involved. I learned so much from that experience that it formed my life. I learned so
much about myself, so much about how life and relationships, even though I left the relationship
and the relationship was gone, I took from that everything to go forward that was positive and
such. So that was a big courage because then what happened is I get divorced and I decide
that I'm leaving AOL at the same time. I had two divorces. One was more amicable than the other.
But basically, I'd actually experienced the glass ceiling after all those years, which I thought
was like, why? Why now? It didn't make any sense. However, I decided, well, as I looked into
possibilities there, I said, nope, I think it's more my time to leave. So it was a big nudge.
But it was a courageous, it was, and we talk about why not today and the courage, and it was
one of those, if I remember correctly, a pivotal moment that something happened going to work.
And you're like, oh, this can't work. Yeah. Isn't it something about the gym or
the past? Right. Oh my gosh. It's so funny. I haven't told this story in a long time.
I remember a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. So what it was is I had separated from my husband,
but I hadn't gotten a divorce yet. I'm going to work every day. I was the head of corporate
training and I had, it just gets stressful dealing with all that. And then I had the
biggest training management deliverable ever in the company of my career at that point that I was
responsible for. So I had to make sure these 40 new managers went through management training
in four months, 400, sorry, in four months. I still remember that. I was like, oh my gosh.
Now I wasn't training them at this point. I'm coordinating it all and I'm making it all happen.
But a lot was still, it was all going to come down to me internally. Did it work? Did it not work?
And all the VPs and such. So yeah, so I was particularly stressed. And I had to, I was
going in early one morning to, I know I had these, I had several meetings with VPs of these other
departments to get their blessing, so to speak, you know, quote input on the training design,
the final, like here it was. And I was on a tight deadline. So I really needed them to say, yes,
oh, that was good. Thank you so much, Mary. Right. So I decided to go an extra early work out
to kind of relieve some stress. And we had a small gym at the bottom floor of the building,
AOL building I worked. So, you know, I get up, the alarm goes off. I put my gym clothes and stuff,
my work clothes in the bag, put my gym clothes on, go to work. And I'm working out and I'm feeling
good. Glad I did it, sweated off a little bit, like, okay. Then I go into the shower to change.
I get out of the shower, I got my towel wrapped around me, my hair's dripping wet.
I open up my bag for my clothes, my work clothes, and I realize I have a big, big problem.
I have no pants, like I have everything else. I was like, oh my gosh. And of course, you know,
you live in any metropolitan area, especially Washington, D.C., you cannot just say, oh,
we're down the middle of rush hour. Let me just go, you know, home and back. And I had 45 minutes
till this meeting was going to happen. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? And so then,
it, you know, just, it's almost like divine intervention. It occurred to me, hey, wait a
minute, Mary, you're the head of corporate training, kind of like a coach. We have to wear these
IDs and these lanyards around our necks. Why don't we kind of like a coach would wear a whistle?
And so I got the idea. What I would do is fortunately to get too, too sweaty that morning,
is that I put all my gym clothes, my workout clothes again, and we did have a casual workday
or casual dress code, I should say. And I just put it back on. And then I walked into that first
meeting and I said, all right, your head coach and trainer is here. Let's get started.
Love it.
And I had to have the guts. I have to really perform that one, like,
yeah, I can't carry you overboard. And so they all laughed. That's all I wanted,
Leslie. I just wanted them to laugh. And I was like, oh, and you're way ahead of your times,
because fast forward, you're into the COVID world. Everybody wearing their sweats.
That's right.
I did have a colleague say to me, well, you're really taking this casual dress code, you know,
seriously, Mary. So, you know, later that day I went home and I did change. But yeah, that was
one of those moments. But here was the thing that led to where me going, okay, I have to leave.
I just, this dress.
Just too much stress that you forgot your pants.
Yeah. I mean, my pants were right there on the bed when I went home.
I just hadn't made it to my bag. And I thought that's an early sign. You're overloaded.
It's something's got to give something's got to go. So it's either your health or, you know,
your job or grad school was coming up. I was just about to start this, you know,
and the divorce still wasn't done. So I decided to, you know, back off on the work part.
And then, yeah, and I think those things happen and you were wise enough to be aware
of it and say, okay, something's not right here and I need to do something different.
Yeah. And I could have just said, oh, I'm stupid. I'm dumb, you know, all that stuff.
You know, trust me in the moment, I felt a little foolish. All right. But I think that's
something you're absolutely right. When it comes to, you know, moments of courage,
there's a lead up to them. And it's because something is not quite settled in you in your life.
Could be personally, could be professionally, could be relationships, could be finances,
could be all kinds of different things, but something you're like, oh, it keeps nagging
at you and you just don't feel really good about it. It's one of those, it's a negative feeling
or it's a hesitation or such. And that's really what you need to pay attention to. So that's what
it was for me. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you got lots more courageous moments. We can go forever,
but let's get some other highlights. Yeah. Some other highlights was, so here I am now, early 30s.
And I didn't expect, I don't know what I expected, but I certainly wasn't in my list of things of
thinking, oh, well, you know, when I'm in my early thirties, I'm going to have been, I'm going to be
divorced, single again. And I'm also going to have some big, I'm going to have left my job. And so I
got like a new slate. All right. I did not anticipate that. That's what happened. Now I
will say that there was this in between, which was I decided to go to grad school. Okay. And so
what I had figured out is that when I decided to leave AOL, because of the glass ceiling,
I looked around and said, well, what direction do I really want to take my career? So I had some
conversations with people that I really admired and I pinpointed an area called organization
development and you could do consulting. And I was kind of, I was doing some of that without
knowing that was the label. So I said, okay, I really like this work or so let me get my degree
in it. And a grad degree made sense at that point. So I searched that out and then I applied to a
program and all that takes time as anyone knows in grad school. So, yeah, so I decided, so that was
starting that had made a commitment to that leaving AOL. And then fortunately within the first
semester, I was able to get the divorce finalized so I could do that. And then shortly after that,
I left AOL and what I was quote left with was grad school, which I was thankful for because I had
something to focus in on. And also I knew it had a timeline, it was a two year program. So the reason
I'm just saying that is because given this, for me, the scenario was I was not a fish out of water,
but I was in a different stream at that point. Okay. And it was uncomfortable to be single again,
even though I didn't want to be with my ex, but to be in this social dating scene again.
It was uncomfortable in some ways to go to school again, meet all kinds and the environment was to
meet all kinds of different people, but it was also exhilarating. You were out west too,
weren't you in California? Well, what happened was right. It was a Pepperdine University on the west
coast. They had a program that quote executive, meaning that we went out there over two years,
we met eight times in person about a week. And so a lot of times it's out in California. Yeah. So I
could go back and forth. So you're right. And during that time period, I had more flexibility
and because my family relationships had gotten strained because of my marriage, I spent more time,
particularly my parents, and I went on trips with them sometimes, or I said, Hey mom, let's go
somewhere in the world together. And she's like, okay. Really? And I was like, yeah. So I took
advantage of it as well to kind of reconnect with myself. And here's the thing though, is that with
the very end of grad school, I got the inspiration to write a book. Now here's what happened on that
one. And this was a moment that only I was there. So, you know, you have to believe this happened.
I was journaling and actually it was a requirement in grad school and this particular program to
journal. And I was journaling and unexpectedly got this idea to write a book about, you know,
about career success or about what had worked and my lessons learned at AOL. It was just all this
jumble of stuff really. And I thought, you know, I got so excited that I started writing the first
paragraph right there in my journal. And I lost a sense of time. Have you ever had that, Leslie,
where you're just, this is something so much, you know, that's a space, whatever that topic is,
that that's calling to your heart. It's calling your name. And I just got absorbed. I don't know
if it was three minutes, five minutes, 15 minutes. I really don't know. What I do know is at some
moment I realized what I was doing. Like, and the critical voice kicked in. What is it? You can't
write a book. You've never written a book. You've never written a book. You've never written a book.
You know, you don't have to write a book. And I freaked out and this voice got louder and louder.
And I slammed the journal shut. And I just said, I can't think about this. But it kept coming back
to me. It kept coming back. And I would get excited. That was the other thing. I noticed I got excited.
And this was, I still had a year left in grad school, but I decided, all right, this was my
courageous moment. And to myself, I said, I am going to write this book. I don't care if I give
20 copies to my friends and family and that's it. I'm going to write this book. And I made a decision.
And then I'm that decision. I went, well, I really don't know how to write a book. I don't
know. You know, the process of it. Let me learn. Yeah. Let me find out. I became an investigative
reporter, so to speak. Like, let me just, and today you can find out all kinds of stuff. So at
the tips of your fingers, literally by going online. So I learned about, about that process.
And then I was like, oh, and then I had the courage to give it voice to two other friends,
girlfriends at dinner one night. This was about three months later. And the one woman,
I had read her book called, Find Your Calling Love Your Life. Turns out she only lived about 45
minutes away. She was so touched by my email. And then the woman who gave me her book was a colleague
at AOL. So three of us got together. And I said to Martha at the end, I said, you know, I've had this
idea about writing a book. She just came to me and I told her a little bit about it. And she was an
author. And so, you know, part of me was like, yeah, what do you think? She said a few words,
encouraging words. Then she emailed me the next day, Mary, I've been thinking about your book
ever since and your book idea on the whole drive home. You got to write this book and I want to
help you. Whoa. Wow. Well, that's awesome. Yeah. And that led to writing my first book.
And it's listening to that voice. And I talked about that, what this podcast is, and that's kind
of where I came with the podcast. It's like, okay, it's that little nudge. You can't let go of it.
It gives you passion, gives you excitement. And then God puts people in your path. When you're
obedient, you're like, okay, I'm going to do this. I don't know what it looks like, but I'm going to
figure it out and definitely figure it out. So how many books did you end up writing? I think I have
them all at home. Yeah, I wrote three. I haven't written one in, you know, the last one came out
in 2004. So don't go like, you know, it's probably somewhere on eBay somewhere, perhaps. You just say,
hey, maybe you got extra copies. But I wrote a book called Bodacious Career, Outrageous Success
for Working Women, which really was lessons learned about career success when I was at AOL,
both what I realized I did well, because what do you know, starting as well as my screw ups that
I thought this is a really big important one and take forward. I then wrote a book called Being a
Bodacious Woman, Outrageously in Charge of Your Life and Loving It. And then a few years after that,
I got really playful and wrote a book called Live Like Your Nail Color, Even If You Have Naked Nails,
which today I'm basing my new podcast on. But that's awesome. Yeah. But the main thing there
is simply to say that I did listen to that voice and it happened in some steps for the book.
So when I got done with my grad degree, I then said, I'm going to write this book. And I had
this gal helping me. And I just made that commitment to myself. And I realized in that process,
I don't want to go work for a company and being an organizational consultant. I have to try being an
entrepreneur. And the message and the messages about being gutsy and what I call bodacious,
being courageous and some how tos. I said that motivated me. I was more passionate about that
than I was about organizational development, which I liked, by the way, which I felt was important.
It had its purpose. That one decision to say, let me try this now, this next thing,
because of writing that book, has put me on the entrepreneurial path. But it's why I'm on doing
what I'm doing today, which I've been an author and a speaker and a radio show and a podcast host.
And I've done workshops, all of that. And then now I'm doing business coaching.
And your message is so strong about the book, first of all, being bodacious,
living like your nail color, like live your life. And I think that all speaks to my message here,
being courageous and why not today and doing those things that you want to do.
And then the other thing, the other story, and it's amazing how many things I remember
and how many pivotal moments in a life. And I quote you, like before we talked the other day,
I shared some, we were talking about nail polish color and I talked about you. And I didn't remember
being a book. I remember a chapter of it, but I guess it was a whole book. And then the other thing
is Godiva chocolate. I quote you on that forever and ever. And it's again, a woman,
being courageous Godiva chocolate. So share your Godiva chocolate.
Oh, well, the story that I first shared, you know, these were sometimes I go, why do speakers
steal other people's stories or, you know, it's good if you want to give them credit, right?
But you know, life gives you your own stories. So this one day, who knows, maybe I was working on a
book writing, but I'd had several days in a row, we've all had those where they really long
days and they, you know, they were like 10, 12 hour days again and again. And I finally, you know,
was almost to the end of this project I was working on, but I still had like two or three hours
probably left, you know, and I said, okay, what do you do at those times? A lot of times, you know,
you head for the, you have for the coffee, right? Right. And for something, some caffeine,
you had for some sugar. And I was like, I got some coffee and I was like, and I had it for the
chocolate. I mean, you know, I love that combination. And so a friend had recently given me this box of
Godiva chocolates. And you know, when you get Godiva, you know, you don't eat them all at once.
Right. You savor. Right. You savor them. And there are these, there's a box of truffles. So I pull
open the, you know, the drawer and I look at this gold box of what I call divine chocolate, right?
And I realized in that moment, for the first time ever having eaten enough Godiva chocolate and seen
the label, it didn't say Godiva. My eyes got opened and in that moment, it said, go diva.
And I was like, I love that story. And I just like, oh my gosh, all this time, Godiva chocolates
has been inspiring me, right? To be this bodacious woman, to go after, to say, why not today?
And then, you know, rewarding me with these amazing chocolates. So, you know, Godiva as a
historical figure was pretty gutsy herself. I don't know that whole story, but for me, it was always
go diva, go diva, go diva. It was fun. Yeah.
All right. So we want another chance. We can't be here forever and ever. But so other courageous
moments recently, I know your podcast, moving back home. Yeah. So things you've done.
Another chapter in another chapter of my life. Now I'm still a business coach. Fortunately,
with COVID, we can do it virtually and I, we can do some in person, but it became apparent to me,
probably about six months ago that my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,
aging parents really could use more help. And I was only an hour away when I was living in Richmond,
Virginia, and they were living in Williamsburg, Virginia, and that's my hometown. However,
an hour away means you're probably not going to see some of the things that you need to help,
and you can't quickly help and you can't. So I, so it was either going to be, you know,
I drive much more to Williamsburg from Richmond, or I just say, let me live in Williamsburg and
drive to Richmond as needed and other places. And that's what I decided to do. And that's been the
impetus, but I, and that courageous decision, I could say, because I'd already, you know,
after being in Northern Virginia for about 15 years and developing relationships, like with you,
then I moved to this new city called Richmond. I'm developing new relationships. It felt a little
bit like starting over, but I also was like a new adventure. I loved that part. And now it's moving
after another 15, 16 years yet again. And it feels kind of that way, kind of, but I'm decided to look
at it as a new adventure. But the, what also happened kind of in this timeframe, not in the
last six months, but more like the last 18 months or so, and has to do with why bring back the whole
idea of live like your nail color is because during the pandemic and all the stresses and all
the negativity that kept perpetuating, you know, the depression and the anxiety and there, I dealt
with my own. I'm just telling you right now, biking became my antidepressant. Okay. So, and,
walking and being near water became mine. Okay. Yeah. And, and having a purpose of, of, and
of helping doing my best, my darnedest to say that for all my women entrepreneurs who I was coaching
for them to stay in business to somehow, how can we make this, how can you adjust and how can we
make this work for you? How can you be stronger because of it? That gave me a lot of sense of
those were happening, but as it continued on and on, I was just kind of like, you know what,
I hate this, this, this continued to felt like almost suppressiveness. And so I thought there
are a lot of negative voices. What can I do to be a positive, more public voice that says, you know
what, it is still possible to create the life you want, the career you want, the, the business you
want. It is, and it's so much a decision and it's so much of my, and it's so much keeping at it.
And all these things have always been true. And that's where you and I connect because we're
like-minded in that way. But when you're in a more crisis situation, when you're in a more
pressured situation, it becomes, becomes super clear. Those things become like even more
important and vibrant and vital, I should say. It also is, it's important to say, Hey, hey,
there's a decision you can make and you can make it every day over and over again. So I had been
already doing this podcast for a bank. That's another story. It doesn't matter. The point is,
I was very familiar with doing a podcast, like doing a podcast, like you're doing a podcast,
lots of people doing podcasts, getting literally your voice out there. And I went,
what we need is a little fun because chip has been happening. It happens on your nails,
happens in your life. All right. So how can we flip the chip? And, and so I decided to bring back the
concept and the fun with it. And it's an, and that's why I decided to podcast. So here's the
thing I love about your podcast. It's similar to my podcast. And I think it's so essential. And,
and we can't have a shortage of these people's stories, stories of overcoming stories of working
navigating through lessons learned out of that. We need to hear that again and again and again,
not because we're stupid, but because it is an essential part of keeping at it. And we will
always have new challenges in a good way. And we always want to keep believing and keep hearing
other people's stories that made it through and get that nugget that we need in our own situation.
So that's what I'm doing on Live Like Yourself. And stories, I think we learn better from stories.
We relate better to some stories than reading a book about principle. And it, the hearing other
people's stories gives you hope to say, okay, if they can do it, why not me? And give you that
courage and the why not todayness to say, you know what, Mary did it. And look at, I mean,
when we're in it, you don't see all the blessings, but when you go through things and you go to the
other side, you're like, wow, just like you saying, looking at all your milestones of courage and all
the things you've said since very young, you've had a very courageous life. And it's those stories
too. You know, people relate to it. And they're like, oh, I might want to do this. I appreciate
you saying all that, you know, you knowing me and reflecting on me. And I think because it's also,
that's what people tend to see, right? They tend to see these bigger actions or these moves and stuff.
But how I experienced Leslie was very different in some ways, I think, than other people experience
me. And that's why I want to bring this up is every gal listening. As much as you've seen the courage
and like these successes, you know, I had a lot of what one could classify as failures or classifies
of mistakes or just like, it not only just wasn't easy, like I stumbled, I stumbled through it. And
I think that's something we don't always talk about so easily, but it is the truth. So I really
accept that life is difficult. Yeah, it's joyous and has great moments. And I'm grateful. But when
by simply accepting life is difficult, if I want to make something out of it, it's going to be,
there's always going to be something else, something that's a chart. And then to say,
oh, sort of life is difficult. Oh, it shouldn't be that way. I go, actually, because life is difficult,
and we pursue something and we take a risk and we see what happens and we keep at it. It's more
meaningful. Absolutely. And you never know. And those obstacles and those hard things turn into
blessings. Somebody said to me one time, says, the things don't fall in your lap, unless your
lap is out there. So doing those courageous things. And actually, it's kind of funny, I don't know if
we've ever talked about this, but AOL actually did a story on me and my business. And I thought it was
just for the local AOL office, but they interviewed me. They started a thing on home-based businesses
and they interviewed me and it was for all of AOL. So one night, I'll never forget, it was this
Sunday night and the store, when you logged into your AOL email, the stories that came up was
Oprah Winfrey, Arnold Schwarzenegger, somebody else and me. You're up there with the big leagues, right?
I was. And it hit, got so much publicity. But what people saw was, at that point, I think I'd been
in Mary Kay for 15 years. They saw, I started a Mary Kay business and that's the other thing I do,
which I didn't really talk that much about, but I started a Mary Kay business and then I had a pink
Cadillac. So they saw a hundred dollar start and a pink Cadillac and a successful life. And they
thought, I can do that too. They didn't see the 15 years of the nose and the fears and the courage
and the why nots todays and people just see the end. So I think if we can share more stories with women
about what we've done and the courageous things and just listen to your gut and just do those
little things and don't quit, don't give up. Yeah, all of that, which is why at the very beginning,
you said, what's courage? Not quitting. And then I said, well, creating the life you want
and not quitting. So there's somewhat of a, what do I want to move towards? Right? What's the
direction? Yeah. And I think we've talked about a lot of these things while we've talked, but I always
say, what encouragement would you give somebody else to say why not today and do those things they're
afraid to do? Start the business, quit the job, write the book, leave a marriage, all the things,
help your parents. I would say, one of the things I would say, and again, listening is,
is make a decision not to live with regret. Now here's how I define regret. And I made this decision
when I was in my twenties. I said, I don't know if I'm going to live till 80 or plus years old,
but I want to be able to look back and say, oh, I didn't have any regrets. And so to me, regret is
not trying. This is also saying, what really is failure? Failure's not trying. That's how I define
it. Because otherwise failure is I screwed up, thing didn't go right. If you're going to do
anything new in your life, in your business, in your career, you're not going to do it very well
the first time you do it. Absolutely. We got to practice. You have to, right. And you've got to
learn. You learn by doing. And then, so even one of the principles that I use with my business
clients is learn, review, adjust, learn, review, review, learn, adjust. You got to go, what worked,
what didn't work. Okay. Learn. Oh, I need to learn. I'd learn something here, you know, right before
we got on this podcast, I said, Hey, we're talking about earbuds. You learn something about earbuds
and you adjust. You say, what do I need to do differently now? Okay. And you just keep going
and you keep right. And you know, we can make this thing of courage.
What's that? I'm sorry. Yeah, exactly. So we can make this thing.
I didn't say anything. Go ahead. Well, it was just the internet was going,
yeah, you know, but technology, we can feel like the courage. I have to be Wonder Woman
when most of the time Wonder Woman is we wonder what the heck happened to our lives. We wonder
what, right. How we're going to deal with the situation. That's the true Wonder Woman.
You know what really courage is? It's the courage to be the one that's going to be the one that's
Wonder Woman. You know what really courage is? I think requires just basically two things. One
is that I think a key for me, courage has been as I looked back for all the different moves
that I made, it was a sense of direction. I was either moving towards something or away from
something. Frankly, engineering and my ex-husband was moving away. But I learned a lot about that.
Then when I decided to write the book and decide to entrepreneurial career, I was moving
towards something. So what's your sense of direction on something? And it gets fueled
often. And I think that where and the word courage actually is a French word that
has based on a French word with the word heart in it. It's fueled by I did not know that
passion and conviction. So I think it's like Bon Secours. You ever heard of Bon Secours?
It's a big national hospital. Bon means good. Secours heart. It really simply means good heart
in French. And I put down my heart necklace this morning. Well, it's not only just passion,
it's passion. I really want something. But passion is more than just being excited.
I think passion means there's a deeper reason why this is important to you.
You had mentioned earlier to me, she said, hey, do you want to mention your music? I said,
yeah, because I think it's important. And that to me was an important thing to say,
you know, not perfect life hasn't been easy for me. And you said, you know, I'm passionate about
helping women in some way with domestic violence who are experiencing that and supporting safe
houses and counseling and otherwise. You know, it's something deeper than just there's a lot
of good things out there, right? And a lot of it's irritable. What's that one? I think also,
oftentimes, sometimes it's a conviction. I will tell you that what my ex part of it was,
yeah, the conviction of I didn't deserve that kind of behavior. But the bigger conviction is
I'm not my I have too much to experience in life to be in that kind of gate continue to be oppressed.
And I had that conviction. So so sense of direction, fueled by conviction, passion,
passion and desire. And the second big thing about their courage, it's just take the first step.
Exactly. Just say why not today? Yeah. And so you say, well, why not today? Well, I can't.
And then here's expect that all the critical negative voices and thoughts will go through
your head. Oh, absolutely. I can't do this or that's not good. That didn't work or something
that is in a negative, the cants and the limiting thing. You know what? You first have to go, yep,
those things have been true in the past. And this is where I say flip the chip. You can say, well,
it hasn't worked yet. Right. But it will. But I'm going to figure out and again, what's the next
step? What's the next thing smallest little thing I can do to move in that direction? Right. So
and I often when I have that idea or thought, you get all those negative things happening. I kind
of know like, all right, it's that I'm convicted. Like if things start stop me and there's too many
things, I'm like, all right, I got I'm a hard head enough to like, I'm going to file through it.
I got to do it. Yeah, we could go on and on and on and on and on. And I'm excited. I'm going to be
on your podcast. So we'll have to continue this and maybe we'll have part two and maybe even
do some coaching around courage at some point. But I always try to connect back to my dad.
And I don't know if you've ever met my dad. I'm honored to be able to meet your dad. But he was
definitely a character. And I always have this question and people like, well, I never met your
dad. But it's kind of like how the connections and a kind of a funny story is going to AOL is my dad
often told the story of when AOL was quantum computers, whatever they think, put things in
everybody's mailbox and rest and saying, do you want to be a part of this company? And my dad's
like, I never did. And I really wish I had. But right, I think a lot like you, my dad had a big
journey. And when he passed away, and my brother, writing the eulogy, and he's like, my dad always
had plan A, B, and then C. So things, the thing didn't work. And then it went to a different thing
was a better thing. So he got in a car accident in high school, how much I've told the story, but
that's where he lost the vision of his eye and he wore a knockout. And that's where his logo came
from. And because of that, he was supposed to play football for USC. And because of that, he
couldn't. So plan B was we went to Notre Dame, which these days, who would have thought, oh, yeah,
by the way, I'm just going to go get on a train and go to Notre Dame. But that's where my mom grew
up. And that's where they got married. And so many things happen because of a plan B. So you just
never know. So thank you so much for sharing. And this was so much fun. And as I said, we could talk
forever and ever. You can, so how do people find you? Oh, I want to say first, thank you for the
invitation. It's been fun. And I love how our connection continues. For those who want to
explore more about who is this Mary Foley, literally, my business coaching is at Mary Foley.com,
M-A-R-Y-F-O-L-E-Y.com. And my new podcast and everything live like your nail color is at live
like your nail color.com. By the way, you can also for the podcast, if you're already on
Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, look up live like your nail color with Mary Foley,
and you'll find it. Great. And the Why Not Today podcast is on Apple, iTunes, and also Spotify,
you need to teach me more tricks. We're working together on this and release an episode every
other Saturday. And I've been doing this since March. I'm excited that we haven't missed one.
We are trying to start a movement with Why Not Today. So say not why not say why not say and I
actually if eventually this will be on video. And if it is we have Why Not Today cups, tumblers,
that and then I've actually got Why Not Today t shirts for men and women, because I want people
to be able to say why not today. So thanks again, Mary. It was super fun to have you and
the rest of you. Thanks for listening. And just remember to say why not today.
Why not today. All right, stop the recording.