1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,940 All right. Good morning. Hello. My name is Leslie Kane. I'm the host of the Why Not Today 2 00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:11,280 podcast. This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, why not 3 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:15,760 today? I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Kane, who often said, why 4 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:20,480 not today? I'm based in Reston, Virginia, a Planned Community right outside of Washington, 5 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:26,240 D.C., and thanks for joining us today. I'm super excited today to have Mary Foley, who 6 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:32,240 has been a friend for years and has done all kinds of courageous things. And we keep reconnecting. 7 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:38,000 And it's just been a fun adventure with your friendship. And so she had just started a 8 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:43,200 podcast herself, which we're going to talk about. And it's called What Now? Live Your 9 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,800 Life by the Color of Your Nail Color. Did I get it right? I messed it up. 10 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,440 Almost look like your nail color. 11 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:53,600 That's a good nail color. And I have. Luckily, I got my nails done. 12 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:58,880 I love it. I love it. We can see you in person right now and you got this bright nail pink. Love 13 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:05,600 it. Yes, exactly. So I'm excited to hear from you, Mary, and your stories. But before we do 14 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:10,960 that, I always talk about connections and how we connect with people. And I love our connection 15 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:16,720 that I think we met when you wrote a book at a book signing event. For some reason, I've got to 16 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:23,920 envision a hotel at Tyson's Corner. I have no idea. But we've connected and reconnected and 17 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:28,880 you've moved away and just keep connecting. And I just love that. So you just never know who that 18 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:33,040 person's going to be that's going to be in your life. And if you're not physically near him or 19 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,880 you haven't talked to him in a while, then don't let it go. You know, if you get that little nudge, 20 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:41,600 call him, see him. And I think a couple of years ago, we connected. I was driving through Richmond 21 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,720 and that's where you lived and an appointment canceled. And I just reached out and like, 22 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:49,440 you have time for coffee and we were able to reconnect. So it's been kind of fun. So super 23 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:55,200 excited to hear from you, Mary, and all about your podcast and your courageous stories. So 24 00:01:55,200 --> 00:02:00,320 share a little about you before you get to the courage part. And what's a fun fact we should know 25 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:07,200 about Mary Foley. Oh, my gosh, fun fact. Okay, so I was thinking as you were doing an introduction, 26 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:11,680 kind of laying the groundwork for today's conversation, I was like, is it courageous, 27 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:18,320 or is it crazy? You know, like it sometimes can look feel like it's crazy to you or to others 28 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:24,320 when you're doing something courageous, something new to you. So all right. So when you asked me 29 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,320 to be on this podcast, I started thinking about you said, you know, you have all these things 30 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:33,200 you've done in your life. Okay, so truth be told, you know, I've been on this earth a little more 31 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:38,960 than five decades, and I've been racking up not the points, but certainly the experiences, right. 32 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:44,400 So at this point, I hope to have a trend. And so I thought I thought, I started thinking about what 33 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:49,040 are these moments where I thought immediately like, what was crazy. And the thing I really want to 34 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:56,080 share is highlights, because it was more as if I don't know, to me, perhaps, the different 35 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:02,480 experiences and how courage kept showing up or my courage kept saying, hey, are you going to show up? 36 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:08,000 Right. So the first one that definitely comes to mind is when I graduated. Okay, for you, 37 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:12,400 wait, wait, wait, wait, for you all your stories, a little bit about you and a fun fact. 38 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:20,320 I thought a little bit about me were my stories. Okay, so the little bit about me is that I am a 39 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:28,320 business coach for women entrepreneurs. And I love doing that, because I want to see more and 40 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:35,040 more women entrepreneurs succeed. It's not as easy as it looks. And so that's a little bit about me 41 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:39,600 and what I do every day. What's a fun fact? Fun fact is 42 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:49,280 when COVID started, this had been on the plan to do, it just happened to be COVID went along with 43 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:57,760 it. Or the quarantine is I got a new bicycle after 20 years. They say you can get back on the bike. 44 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:04,000 Well, I'm here to say you can. And I felt like a 16 year old. I didn't even, you know, I even had 45 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:13,200 a donated gifted bike to me. It was my mom's 30 year old Schwinn. I mean, it was just funny when 46 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:19,040 I look back, but I tried it out again. I went, I love this. It's fun. And we needed fun. And we 47 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:27,120 need also some stress relief during that quarantine time and I could get outside. And so since then, 48 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:34,640 I now have a much better bike, much more my size and suited to me. And I never thought that when 49 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:40,400 I started biking again, they give me about 14 months later, I would do what's called a century 50 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:49,520 ride. That is 100 miles at one time, a hundred miles in a day. And I did it with my gal pal 51 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:55,440 and biking buddy. And so it's always good. We are convinced we would not have made it had it not 52 00:04:55,440 --> 00:05:02,400 been for each other. Yeah. Yeah. But, and I thought, you know, I did it right after I turned 57 years 53 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:08,720 old, 56 years old. And you're like, you can't do something. It was proving to me, it was showing me 54 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:15,280 actually through this bike, you can get back on the bike if you keep pedaling and you, and having 55 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:21,360 a goal and having a buddy makes a huge difference. So that's awesome. And it's interesting. There 56 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:25,680 seems to be a theme. And I think we talked about this the other day, kind of my niche market for 57 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:30,880 this is a lot of the women that I've interviewed are hitting fifties and like doing different things 58 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:35,680 in life. So that's really cool. I think it's a great time. I've think I've been on a bike once 59 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:46,080 since I got my driver's license. So maybe one day. Yeah. So tell me what does courage mean to you? 60 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:51,680 If you could give a quick definition. I know it can mean lots of things, but what's courage? 61 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,000 Courage to me is 62 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:58,160 not giving up. 63 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:09,840 Love that. And so true. Yeah. Simple. And maybe I could expand that and simply courage is 64 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:18,640 carving your own path and not giving up. Yeah. And you've had lots of that in your life. 65 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:26,240 So what I know there's lots of things you've done and we kind of pinpointed some that I knew of, 66 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:31,440 and I'm sure there's more. And I think you want to kind of go on in the way of highlights. So 67 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:35,840 share your why not today's your courage, your things you've done, because I think you've had 68 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:45,280 a full life of living that motto. Well, because you asked the question, you helped me kind of 69 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:51,200 go, wow, I really have had a full life. And I know it, but when someone asks you to kind of review 70 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:56,400 and give a synopsis, I just became more grateful of it. And it helped me actually a lot, Leslie, 71 00:06:56,400 --> 00:07:02,480 because the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves are the most powerful stories in our 72 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:08,960 lives. So you made me reflect and say, what is my story again? And how does that inform me today? 73 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:13,760 So here's some highlights. When I thought about moments of courage, moments of gutsiness, 74 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:18,080 the first one that came to my mind was when I was 23 years old, I just graduated from Virginia Tech 75 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:24,480 in engineering. And the only thing I knew was I didn't want to be an engineer. And it would have 76 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:32,640 been a great lucrative career. But I came to the conclusion just didn't personally give me joy. And 77 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:38,560 I already felt depressed thinking about doing that job. I was very proud of my degree, by the way, 78 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:42,720 my parents, on the other hand, were deer in the headlights. What? You just gone through this, 79 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:49,360 we pay for it, you know, you're supposed to be launched. Right. But when I decided, okay, 80 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:55,280 I don't know what I want to do. But I know that's not on the list. So first, it was courage to say 81 00:07:55,280 --> 00:08:00,320 no to that career. Even when my my student, my my peers, right, those who are my scene, there's 82 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:05,520 were all seniors in college. And they're like, Mary, you know, just try it for a while. You know, 83 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:12,320 you know, you can always fall back on engineering. And I thought nobody falls back on engineering. 84 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:18,080 And I said, No, and I had to have the courage to my my peer group then then I'd have the courage 85 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:23,120 to tell my my parents. But the bigger thing was, what am I going to do? But the thing is, is that 86 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:27,920 had I not said no to that, because I think there's courage to say no to things in our lives. Yes, 87 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:35,760 that I even when I don't know what to say yes to yet, but is that it led me to Northern Virginia, 88 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,600 I decided to go to the big city. And that happened to be Northern Virginia, Metro DC, 89 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:45,440 met you in that process. And I just look for a job to pay the bills to get started doing something. 90 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:50,880 I wasn't looking by the big career, I'll figure it out as I go along. And that led me to a decade 91 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:57,520 career with AOL when AOL was cool. And this we're talking Yes, right. I mean, it was in the 90s. 92 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:04,880 That experience that decade changed my life, changed my life, and it formed me enables me to 93 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:11,600 do what I'm doing today about entrepreneurship. And, and also, you know, they had a good, nice, 94 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:18,960 little compensation plan that helped me out. So I'm that to me was a big, it was a big thing to say 95 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:25,520 that at 23 years old, when the expectations were all on me about, well, you've got this degree, 96 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:30,720 you're a female, you're in the minority, you know, people going to want to hire you. So that you've 97 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:37,520 landed in a good place at AOL, but you started if I remember correctly, before AOL was AOL, and you're 98 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:42,880 like answering calls or something like that, like not an engineering degree. It was not 99 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:52,400 exactly what I was, I was working for a company whose name then it was called change its name to 100 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:57,760 AOL later on, it was called quantum computer services, about 120 people in this company, 101 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:04,400 I was hired for the call center for a year, I was answering the phone calls that were coming in from 102 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:09,840 the 800 number, I was answering people's technical questions, you know, they were having to get the 103 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,080 software working, they're billing questions, you know, just general stuff, they're ranting and raving. 104 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:19,360 Yeah, I have a whole appreciation for customer service departments like that. And I thought I 105 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:24,320 was going to leave, I mean, literally going, okay, you know, I'll just I was trying to figure out my 106 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:31,040 life. I didn't expect to stay there then. But I did like the community, I liked the company and 107 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:38,080 the culture and an opportunity, an opening came up in the training department of the customer service 108 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:42,480 department, they to train and I thought I can train the people to do what I did, I think. 109 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:48,960 And so I was able to get that position and I, you know, there were several that applied that put me 110 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:53,520 on the path Leslie to then going, I did that for I was training manager, then it was call center 111 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:57,360 manager, then I was the head of corporate training for the entire company by the time I left. 112 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:03,040 But trust me, it was my parents are going, I don't know, she just works for some computer company, 113 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,000 that's my daughter does right now. I mean, they really did. Yeah. 114 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:10,000 You know, in the early 90s. Yeah, that's right. 115 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:19,520 So the thing though that happened at the same time in that decade is I got married. And that is 116 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:26,480 courageous in its way, but I was excited. What the courageous part was, I didn't realize until I 117 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:33,280 was into it that I had married a man who had anger management problems, and he was abusive, 118 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:42,320 he was physically abusive, emotionally abusive. And I was just in shock. So fast forward, what 119 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:46,400 ended up happening was I knew it wasn't right. I didn't know how to get out of it. I finally 120 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:52,720 get the courage to go dark about many courages to go to a counselor. He thought good, you're 121 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:58,560 going to go get fixed. I was like, I'm going to go try to figure this out. And I really, 122 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:03,200 when you're in an abusive relationship, one of the tactics is when they at the by the abuser, 123 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:11,200 but also it's so easy to feel like so doubting of yourself. So self criticizing. And so it took me 124 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:16,720 a little bit, I thought, well, you know, my head was jost around. So this counselor really helped 125 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:23,520 to get it straight. And then I had the courage to get the muster of the courage. She goes, you have 126 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:28,960 to, after we had several sessions talking about it, you have to talk to him about this, like you 127 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:34,080 can take a weekend away, or you just, you have to, you have to, you have to get a break from this. 128 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,640 I thought, oh, that's not going to go over. Right. Okay. So because big thing about abusers, 129 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:44,320 typically there's control. So he gave me the opportunity because of this incident that was 130 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:48,480 of this incident that was going to happen that had been repeated before. And instead I ran out 131 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:53,520 of the apartment and essentially never came back for an entire year. And then we started to see if 132 00:12:53,520 --> 00:13:00,640 we could work things out. Ultimately it didn't. But the thing was, is that here I was not believing I 133 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:11,520 earned this treatment. However, fear of what he would do kept me back from leaving, which is 134 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:19,920 something I never thought of before until I was in it. And then also I just was so ashamed. I was 135 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:26,560 the shame of, I let this happen to me. And then I'd never, nobody in my family had gotten divorced 136 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:32,960 and the feeling of failure that brought, you know, it was, so these negative emotions that are very 137 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:38,400 real and tangible, but typically they're negative. Fear is a big one. This one, shame is a big one, 138 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:44,160 will keep us from doing the very thing and having the courage or mustering the courage. 139 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:48,000 I finally did because the counselor helped me kind of get my thinking straight. 140 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:52,720 You have the courage to get help, which is so many people love. 141 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:59,120 And then the courage to listen and process it, right? Think about it. Because any counselor, 142 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:03,280 any third party is really just a tool, whether they're information or guidance and such, 143 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:06,800 you have to still take it in and decide what you're going to do for it. But you know what, 144 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:13,440 here's the thing. And I did finally get the courage to exit and to exit safely and get 145 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:22,960 other people involved. I learned so much from that experience that it formed my life. I learned so 146 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:30,320 much about myself, so much about how life and relationships, even though I left the relationship 147 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:39,200 and the relationship was gone, I took from that everything to go forward that was positive and 148 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:45,520 such. So that was a big courage because then what happened is I get divorced and I decide 149 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:51,120 that I'm leaving AOL at the same time. I had two divorces. One was more amicable than the other. 150 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:56,880 But basically, I'd actually experienced the glass ceiling after all those years, which I thought 151 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:04,080 was like, why? Why now? It didn't make any sense. However, I decided, well, as I looked into 152 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,920 possibilities there, I said, nope, I think it's more my time to leave. So it was a big nudge. 153 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:13,680 But it was a courageous, it was, and we talk about why not today and the courage, and it was 154 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:18,560 one of those, if I remember correctly, a pivotal moment that something happened going to work. 155 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:23,520 And you're like, oh, this can't work. Yeah. Isn't it something about the gym or 156 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:27,440 the past? Right. Oh my gosh. It's so funny. I haven't told this story in a long time. 157 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:32,960 I remember a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. So what it was is I had separated from my husband, 158 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,560 but I hadn't gotten a divorce yet. I'm going to work every day. I was the head of corporate 159 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,880 training and I had, it just gets stressful dealing with all that. And then I had the 160 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:46,880 biggest training management deliverable ever in the company of my career at that point that I was 161 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:52,080 responsible for. So I had to make sure these 40 new managers went through management training 162 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:56,560 in four months, 400, sorry, in four months. I still remember that. I was like, oh my gosh. 163 00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:00,400 Now I wasn't training them at this point. I'm coordinating it all and I'm making it all happen. 164 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:08,320 But a lot was still, it was all going to come down to me internally. Did it work? Did it not work? 165 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:16,480 And all the VPs and such. So yeah, so I was particularly stressed. And I had to, I was 166 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:25,440 going in early one morning to, I know I had these, I had several meetings with VPs of these other 167 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:31,920 departments to get their blessing, so to speak, you know, quote input on the training design, 168 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:36,160 the final, like here it was. And I was on a tight deadline. So I really needed them to say, yes, 169 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:40,320 oh, that was good. Thank you so much, Mary. Right. So I decided to go an extra early work out 170 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:46,480 to kind of relieve some stress. And we had a small gym at the bottom floor of the building, 171 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:52,320 AOL building I worked. So, you know, I get up, the alarm goes off. I put my gym clothes and stuff, 172 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,680 my work clothes in the bag, put my gym clothes on, go to work. And I'm working out and I'm feeling 173 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:03,200 good. Glad I did it, sweated off a little bit, like, okay. Then I go into the shower to change. 174 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,560 I get out of the shower, I got my towel wrapped around me, my hair's dripping wet. 175 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:12,160 I open up my bag for my clothes, my work clothes, and I realize I have a big, big problem. 176 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:18,480 I have no pants, like I have everything else. I was like, oh my gosh. And of course, you know, 177 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:23,120 you live in any metropolitan area, especially Washington, D.C., you cannot just say, oh, 178 00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:27,440 we're down the middle of rush hour. Let me just go, you know, home and back. And I had 45 minutes 179 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:32,960 till this meeting was going to happen. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? And so then, 180 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:38,960 it, you know, just, it's almost like divine intervention. It occurred to me, hey, wait a 181 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:44,720 minute, Mary, you're the head of corporate training, kind of like a coach. We have to wear these 182 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:50,560 IDs and these lanyards around our necks. Why don't we kind of like a coach would wear a whistle? 183 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:55,920 And so I got the idea. What I would do is fortunately to get too, too sweaty that morning, 184 00:17:55,920 --> 00:18:02,560 is that I put all my gym clothes, my workout clothes again, and we did have a casual workday 185 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:07,920 or casual dress code, I should say. And I just put it back on. And then I walked into that first 186 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,760 meeting and I said, all right, your head coach and trainer is here. Let's get started. 187 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:13,040 Love it. 188 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,000 And I had to have the guts. I have to really perform that one, like, 189 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:20,480 yeah, I can't carry you overboard. And so they all laughed. That's all I wanted, 190 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:24,960 Leslie. I just wanted them to laugh. And I was like, oh, and you're way ahead of your times, 191 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:29,440 because fast forward, you're into the COVID world. Everybody wearing their sweats. 192 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:29,760 That's right. 193 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:35,360 I did have a colleague say to me, well, you're really taking this casual dress code, you know, 194 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:41,920 seriously, Mary. So, you know, later that day I went home and I did change. But yeah, that was 195 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:48,160 one of those moments. But here was the thing that led to where me going, okay, I have to leave. 196 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,200 I just, this dress. 197 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,600 Just too much stress that you forgot your pants. 198 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:55,520 Yeah. I mean, my pants were right there on the bed when I went home. 199 00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:00,880 I just hadn't made it to my bag. And I thought that's an early sign. You're overloaded. 200 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,760 It's something's got to give something's got to go. So it's either your health or, you know, 201 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:10,080 your job or grad school was coming up. I was just about to start this, you know, 202 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:14,640 and the divorce still wasn't done. So I decided to, you know, back off on the work part. 203 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:19,360 And then, yeah, and I think those things happen and you were wise enough to be aware 204 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:25,760 of it and say, okay, something's not right here and I need to do something different. 205 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,680 Yeah. And I could have just said, oh, I'm stupid. I'm dumb, you know, all that stuff. 206 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:36,400 You know, trust me in the moment, I felt a little foolish. All right. But I think that's 207 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:42,320 something you're absolutely right. When it comes to, you know, moments of courage, 208 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:48,880 there's a lead up to them. And it's because something is not quite settled in you in your life. 209 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,640 Could be personally, could be professionally, could be relationships, could be finances, 210 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:56,640 could be all kinds of different things, but something you're like, oh, it keeps nagging 211 00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:01,840 at you and you just don't feel really good about it. It's one of those, it's a negative feeling 212 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:06,400 or it's a hesitation or such. And that's really what you need to pay attention to. So that's what 213 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:11,440 it was for me. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you got lots more courageous moments. We can go forever, 214 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:16,800 but let's get some other highlights. Yeah. Some other highlights was, so here I am now, early 30s. 215 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:22,320 And I didn't expect, I don't know what I expected, but I certainly wasn't in my list of things of 216 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:27,280 thinking, oh, well, you know, when I'm in my early thirties, I'm going to have been, I'm going to be 217 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:34,400 divorced, single again. And I'm also going to have some big, I'm going to have left my job. And so I 218 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:41,600 got like a new slate. All right. I did not anticipate that. That's what happened. Now I 219 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:49,200 will say that there was this in between, which was I decided to go to grad school. Okay. And so 220 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:55,840 what I had figured out is that when I decided to leave AOL, because of the glass ceiling, 221 00:20:55,840 --> 00:21:00,880 I looked around and said, well, what direction do I really want to take my career? So I had some 222 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:06,000 conversations with people that I really admired and I pinpointed an area called organization 223 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:10,240 development and you could do consulting. And I was kind of, I was doing some of that without 224 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:16,160 knowing that was the label. So I said, okay, I really like this work or so let me get my degree 225 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:20,560 in it. And a grad degree made sense at that point. So I searched that out and then I applied to a 226 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:27,520 program and all that takes time as anyone knows in grad school. So, yeah, so I decided, so that was 227 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:33,920 starting that had made a commitment to that leaving AOL. And then fortunately within the first 228 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:38,320 semester, I was able to get the divorce finalized so I could do that. And then shortly after that, 229 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:43,040 I left AOL and what I was quote left with was grad school, which I was thankful for because I had 230 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:48,560 something to focus in on. And also I knew it had a timeline, it was a two year program. So the reason 231 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:56,400 I'm just saying that is because given this, for me, the scenario was I was not a fish out of water, 232 00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:03,440 but I was in a different stream at that point. Okay. And it was uncomfortable to be single again, 233 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:08,400 even though I didn't want to be with my ex, but to be in this social dating scene again. 234 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:14,720 It was uncomfortable in some ways to go to school again, meet all kinds and the environment was to 235 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:20,160 meet all kinds of different people, but it was also exhilarating. You were out west too, 236 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:24,560 weren't you in California? Well, what happened was right. It was a Pepperdine University on the west 237 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:31,120 coast. They had a program that quote executive, meaning that we went out there over two years, 238 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:36,000 we met eight times in person about a week. And so a lot of times it's out in California. Yeah. So I 239 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:43,040 could go back and forth. So you're right. And during that time period, I had more flexibility 240 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:48,800 and because my family relationships had gotten strained because of my marriage, I spent more time, 241 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:53,760 particularly my parents, and I went on trips with them sometimes, or I said, Hey mom, let's go 242 00:22:53,760 --> 00:23:00,320 somewhere in the world together. And she's like, okay. Really? And I was like, yeah. So I took 243 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:06,880 advantage of it as well to kind of reconnect with myself. And here's the thing though, is that with 244 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:11,520 the very end of grad school, I got the inspiration to write a book. Now here's what happened on that 245 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:16,480 one. And this was a moment that only I was there. So, you know, you have to believe this happened. 246 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:21,760 I was journaling and actually it was a requirement in grad school and this particular program to 247 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:31,520 journal. And I was journaling and unexpectedly got this idea to write a book about, you know, 248 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:37,280 about career success or about what had worked and my lessons learned at AOL. It was just all this 249 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:43,200 jumble of stuff really. And I thought, you know, I got so excited that I started writing the first 250 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:48,560 paragraph right there in my journal. And I lost a sense of time. Have you ever had that, Leslie, 251 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:54,320 where you're just, this is something so much, you know, that's a space, whatever that topic is, 252 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:59,440 that that's calling to your heart. It's calling your name. And I just got absorbed. I don't know 253 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:04,080 if it was three minutes, five minutes, 15 minutes. I really don't know. What I do know is at some 254 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:10,480 moment I realized what I was doing. Like, and the critical voice kicked in. What is it? You can't 255 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,840 write a book. You've never written a book. You've never written a book. You've never written a book. 256 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,520 You know, you don't have to write a book. And I freaked out and this voice got louder and louder. 257 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:23,440 And I slammed the journal shut. And I just said, I can't think about this. But it kept coming back 258 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:28,560 to me. It kept coming back. And I would get excited. That was the other thing. I noticed I got excited. 259 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:35,200 And this was, I still had a year left in grad school, but I decided, all right, this was my 260 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:43,040 courageous moment. And to myself, I said, I am going to write this book. I don't care if I give 261 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:49,840 20 copies to my friends and family and that's it. I'm going to write this book. And I made a decision. 262 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,960 And then I'm that decision. I went, well, I really don't know how to write a book. I don't 263 00:24:54,960 --> 00:25:01,040 know. You know, the process of it. Let me learn. Yeah. Let me find out. I became an investigative 264 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:05,360 reporter, so to speak. Like, let me just, and today you can find out all kinds of stuff. So at 265 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:11,920 the tips of your fingers, literally by going online. So I learned about, about that process. 266 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:18,880 And then I was like, oh, and then I had the courage to give it voice to two other friends, 267 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:24,640 girlfriends at dinner one night. This was about three months later. And the one woman, 268 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:31,120 I had read her book called, Find Your Calling Love Your Life. Turns out she only lived about 45 269 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:37,360 minutes away. She was so touched by my email. And then the woman who gave me her book was a colleague 270 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:44,320 at AOL. So three of us got together. And I said to Martha at the end, I said, you know, I've had this 271 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:49,760 idea about writing a book. She just came to me and I told her a little bit about it. And she was an 272 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:54,800 author. And so, you know, part of me was like, yeah, what do you think? She said a few words, 273 00:25:54,800 --> 00:26:00,400 encouraging words. Then she emailed me the next day, Mary, I've been thinking about your book 274 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:05,520 ever since and your book idea on the whole drive home. You got to write this book and I want to 275 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:11,440 help you. Whoa. Wow. Well, that's awesome. Yeah. And that led to writing my first book. 276 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:16,800 And it's listening to that voice. And I talked about that, what this podcast is, and that's kind 277 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,800 of where I came with the podcast. It's like, okay, it's that little nudge. You can't let go of it. 278 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:26,800 It gives you passion, gives you excitement. And then God puts people in your path. When you're 279 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:31,040 obedient, you're like, okay, I'm going to do this. I don't know what it looks like, but I'm going to 280 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:36,640 figure it out and definitely figure it out. So how many books did you end up writing? I think I have 281 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:41,120 them all at home. Yeah, I wrote three. I haven't written one in, you know, the last one came out 282 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:49,280 in 2004. So don't go like, you know, it's probably somewhere on eBay somewhere, perhaps. You just say, 283 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:55,200 hey, maybe you got extra copies. But I wrote a book called Bodacious Career, Outrageous Success 284 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:59,200 for Working Women, which really was lessons learned about career success when I was at AOL, 285 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:04,480 both what I realized I did well, because what do you know, starting as well as my screw ups that 286 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:09,040 I thought this is a really big important one and take forward. I then wrote a book called Being a 287 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:14,960 Bodacious Woman, Outrageously in Charge of Your Life and Loving It. And then a few years after that, 288 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:20,560 I got really playful and wrote a book called Live Like Your Nail Color, Even If You Have Naked Nails, 289 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:26,560 which today I'm basing my new podcast on. But that's awesome. Yeah. But the main thing there 290 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:34,400 is simply to say that I did listen to that voice and it happened in some steps for the book. 291 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,440 So when I got done with my grad degree, I then said, I'm going to write this book. And I had 292 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:44,480 this gal helping me. And I just made that commitment to myself. And I realized in that process, 293 00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:49,840 I don't want to go work for a company and being an organizational consultant. I have to try being an 294 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:55,520 entrepreneur. And the message and the messages about being gutsy and what I call bodacious, 295 00:27:55,520 --> 00:28:02,640 being courageous and some how tos. I said that motivated me. I was more passionate about that 296 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:07,840 than I was about organizational development, which I liked, by the way, which I felt was important. 297 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:14,000 It had its purpose. That one decision to say, let me try this now, this next thing, 298 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:20,000 because of writing that book, has put me on the entrepreneurial path. But it's why I'm on doing 299 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:24,320 what I'm doing today, which I've been an author and a speaker and a radio show and a podcast host. 300 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:29,360 And I've done workshops, all of that. And then now I'm doing business coaching. 301 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:36,720 And your message is so strong about the book, first of all, being bodacious, 302 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:43,600 living like your nail color, like live your life. And I think that all speaks to my message here, 303 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:49,440 being courageous and why not today and doing those things that you want to do. 304 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:53,280 And then the other thing, the other story, and it's amazing how many things I remember 305 00:28:53,280 --> 00:29:00,960 and how many pivotal moments in a life. And I quote you, like before we talked the other day, 306 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:05,840 I shared some, we were talking about nail polish color and I talked about you. And I didn't remember 307 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:09,920 being a book. I remember a chapter of it, but I guess it was a whole book. And then the other thing 308 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:17,920 is Godiva chocolate. I quote you on that forever and ever. And it's again, a woman, 309 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:21,120 being courageous Godiva chocolate. So share your Godiva chocolate. 310 00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:29,840 Oh, well, the story that I first shared, you know, these were sometimes I go, why do speakers 311 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:34,240 steal other people's stories or, you know, it's good if you want to give them credit, right? 312 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:40,880 But you know, life gives you your own stories. So this one day, who knows, maybe I was working on a 313 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:46,080 book writing, but I'd had several days in a row, we've all had those where they really long 314 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:51,840 days and they, you know, they were like 10, 12 hour days again and again. And I finally, you know, 315 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:57,840 was almost to the end of this project I was working on, but I still had like two or three hours 316 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:04,160 probably left, you know, and I said, okay, what do you do at those times? A lot of times, you know, 317 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:08,720 you head for the, you have for the coffee, right? Right. And for something, some caffeine, 318 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:12,720 you had for some sugar. And I was like, I got some coffee and I was like, and I had it for the 319 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:19,920 chocolate. I mean, you know, I love that combination. And so a friend had recently given me this box of 320 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:26,080 Godiva chocolates. And you know, when you get Godiva, you know, you don't eat them all at once. 321 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:31,040 Right. You savor. Right. You savor them. And there are these, there's a box of truffles. So I pull 322 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:37,520 open the, you know, the drawer and I look at this gold box of what I call divine chocolate, right? 323 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:47,040 And I realized in that moment, for the first time ever having eaten enough Godiva chocolate and seen 324 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:56,000 the label, it didn't say Godiva. My eyes got opened and in that moment, it said, go diva. 325 00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:02,880 And I was like, I love that story. And I just like, oh my gosh, all this time, Godiva chocolates 326 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:09,120 has been inspiring me, right? To be this bodacious woman, to go after, to say, why not today? 327 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:16,160 And then, you know, rewarding me with these amazing chocolates. So, you know, Godiva as a 328 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:22,080 historical figure was pretty gutsy herself. I don't know that whole story, but for me, it was always 329 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:27,120 go diva, go diva, go diva. It was fun. Yeah. 330 00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:31,920 All right. So we want another chance. We can't be here forever and ever. But so other courageous 331 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:37,920 moments recently, I know your podcast, moving back home. Yeah. So things you've done. 332 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,920 Another chapter in another chapter of my life. Now I'm still a business coach. Fortunately, 333 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:46,960 with COVID, we can do it virtually and I, we can do some in person, but it became apparent to me, 334 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:57,040 probably about six months ago that my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, 335 00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:04,240 aging parents really could use more help. And I was only an hour away when I was living in Richmond, 336 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,440 Virginia, and they were living in Williamsburg, Virginia, and that's my hometown. However, 337 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,920 an hour away means you're probably not going to see some of the things that you need to help, 338 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:17,600 and you can't quickly help and you can't. So I, so it was either going to be, you know, 339 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:21,920 I drive much more to Williamsburg from Richmond, or I just say, let me live in Williamsburg and 340 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:26,960 drive to Richmond as needed and other places. And that's what I decided to do. And that's been the 341 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:32,720 impetus, but I, and that courageous decision, I could say, because I'd already, you know, 342 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:36,560 after being in Northern Virginia for about 15 years and developing relationships, like with you, 343 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:41,360 then I moved to this new city called Richmond. I'm developing new relationships. It felt a little 344 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:47,520 bit like starting over, but I also was like a new adventure. I loved that part. And now it's moving 345 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:56,640 after another 15, 16 years yet again. And it feels kind of that way, kind of, but I'm decided to look 346 00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:02,000 at it as a new adventure. But the, what also happened kind of in this timeframe, not in the 347 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:08,240 last six months, but more like the last 18 months or so, and has to do with why bring back the whole 348 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:15,200 idea of live like your nail color is because during the pandemic and all the stresses and all 349 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:22,160 the negativity that kept perpetuating, you know, the depression and the anxiety and there, I dealt 350 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:28,240 with my own. I'm just telling you right now, biking became my antidepressant. Okay. So, and, 351 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:35,680 walking and being near water became mine. Okay. Yeah. And, and having a purpose of, of, and 352 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:42,400 of helping doing my best, my darnedest to say that for all my women entrepreneurs who I was coaching 353 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:48,080 for them to stay in business to somehow, how can we make this, how can you adjust and how can we 354 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:52,480 make this work for you? How can you be stronger because of it? That gave me a lot of sense of 355 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:57,760 those were happening, but as it continued on and on, I was just kind of like, you know what, 356 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:04,960 I hate this, this, this continued to felt like almost suppressiveness. And so I thought there 357 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:10,720 are a lot of negative voices. What can I do to be a positive, more public voice that says, you know 358 00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:16,880 what, it is still possible to create the life you want, the career you want, the, the business you 359 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:22,480 want. It is, and it's so much a decision and it's so much of my, and it's so much keeping at it. 360 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:26,240 And all these things have always been true. And that's where you and I connect because we're 361 00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:31,680 like-minded in that way. But when you're in a more crisis situation, when you're in a more 362 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:37,760 pressured situation, it becomes, becomes super clear. Those things become like even more 363 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:43,200 important and vibrant and vital, I should say. It also is, it's important to say, Hey, hey, 364 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:47,840 there's a decision you can make and you can make it every day over and over again. So I had been 365 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:53,360 already doing this podcast for a bank. That's another story. It doesn't matter. The point is, 366 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,880 I was very familiar with doing a podcast, like doing a podcast, like you're doing a podcast, 367 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,840 lots of people doing podcasts, getting literally your voice out there. And I went, 368 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:05,600 what we need is a little fun because chip has been happening. It happens on your nails, 369 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:12,240 happens in your life. All right. So how can we flip the chip? And, and so I decided to bring back the 370 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:19,120 concept and the fun with it. And it's an, and that's why I decided to podcast. So here's the 371 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:23,440 thing I love about your podcast. It's similar to my podcast. And I think it's so essential. And, 372 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:31,040 and we can't have a shortage of these people's stories, stories of overcoming stories of working 373 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:37,600 navigating through lessons learned out of that. We need to hear that again and again and again, 374 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:43,120 not because we're stupid, but because it is an essential part of keeping at it. And we will 375 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:49,760 always have new challenges in a good way. And we always want to keep believing and keep hearing 376 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:54,480 other people's stories that made it through and get that nugget that we need in our own situation. 377 00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:59,120 So that's what I'm doing on Live Like Yourself. And stories, I think we learn better from stories. 378 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:05,200 We relate better to some stories than reading a book about principle. And it, the hearing other 379 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:12,800 people's stories gives you hope to say, okay, if they can do it, why not me? And give you that 380 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:20,400 courage and the why not todayness to say, you know what, Mary did it. And look at, I mean, 381 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:27,040 when we're in it, you don't see all the blessings, but when you go through things and you go to the 382 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:32,800 other side, you're like, wow, just like you saying, looking at all your milestones of courage and all 383 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:38,800 the things you've said since very young, you've had a very courageous life. And it's those stories 384 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:43,120 too. You know, people relate to it. And they're like, oh, I might want to do this. I appreciate 385 00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:47,840 you saying all that, you know, you knowing me and reflecting on me. And I think because it's also, 386 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:52,960 that's what people tend to see, right? They tend to see these bigger actions or these moves and stuff. 387 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:57,520 But how I experienced Leslie was very different in some ways, I think, than other people experience 388 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:03,440 me. And that's why I want to bring this up is every gal listening. As much as you've seen the courage 389 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:12,160 and like these successes, you know, I had a lot of what one could classify as failures or classifies 390 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:19,680 of mistakes or just like, it not only just wasn't easy, like I stumbled, I stumbled through it. And 391 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:27,040 I think that's something we don't always talk about so easily, but it is the truth. So I really 392 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:34,800 accept that life is difficult. Yeah, it's joyous and has great moments. And I'm grateful. But when 393 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:40,880 by simply accepting life is difficult, if I want to make something out of it, it's going to be, 394 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:44,880 there's always going to be something else, something that's a chart. And then to say, 395 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:51,040 oh, sort of life is difficult. Oh, it shouldn't be that way. I go, actually, because life is difficult, 396 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:58,000 and we pursue something and we take a risk and we see what happens and we keep at it. It's more 397 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:05,680 meaningful. Absolutely. And you never know. And those obstacles and those hard things turn into 398 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:11,680 blessings. Somebody said to me one time, says, the things don't fall in your lap, unless your 399 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:16,480 lap is out there. So doing those courageous things. And actually, it's kind of funny, I don't know if 400 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:24,000 we've ever talked about this, but AOL actually did a story on me and my business. And I thought it was 401 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:29,840 just for the local AOL office, but they interviewed me. They started a thing on home-based businesses 402 00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:35,040 and they interviewed me and it was for all of AOL. So one night, I'll never forget, it was this 403 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:40,560 Sunday night and the store, when you logged into your AOL email, the stories that came up was 404 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:47,360 Oprah Winfrey, Arnold Schwarzenegger, somebody else and me. You're up there with the big leagues, right? 405 00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:53,040 I was. And it hit, got so much publicity. But what people saw was, at that point, I think I'd been 406 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:57,840 in Mary Kay for 15 years. They saw, I started a Mary Kay business and that's the other thing I do, 407 00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:02,320 which I didn't really talk that much about, but I started a Mary Kay business and then I had a pink 408 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:08,960 Cadillac. So they saw a hundred dollar start and a pink Cadillac and a successful life. And they 409 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:14,400 thought, I can do that too. They didn't see the 15 years of the nose and the fears and the courage 410 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:19,440 and the why nots todays and people just see the end. So I think if we can share more stories with women 411 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:25,520 about what we've done and the courageous things and just listen to your gut and just do those 412 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:31,200 little things and don't quit, don't give up. Yeah, all of that, which is why at the very beginning, 413 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:37,120 you said, what's courage? Not quitting. And then I said, well, creating the life you want 414 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:42,880 and not quitting. So there's somewhat of a, what do I want to move towards? Right? What's the 415 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:47,600 direction? Yeah. And I think we've talked about a lot of these things while we've talked, but I always 416 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:52,640 say, what encouragement would you give somebody else to say why not today and do those things they're 417 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:58,160 afraid to do? Start the business, quit the job, write the book, leave a marriage, all the things, 418 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:05,440 help your parents. I would say, one of the things I would say, and again, listening is, 419 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:12,240 is make a decision not to live with regret. Now here's how I define regret. And I made this decision 420 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:15,680 when I was in my twenties. I said, I don't know if I'm going to live till 80 or plus years old, 421 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:22,640 but I want to be able to look back and say, oh, I didn't have any regrets. And so to me, regret is 422 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:31,600 not trying. This is also saying, what really is failure? Failure's not trying. That's how I define 423 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:38,160 it. Because otherwise failure is I screwed up, thing didn't go right. If you're going to do 424 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:44,880 anything new in your life, in your business, in your career, you're not going to do it very well 425 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:50,160 the first time you do it. Absolutely. We got to practice. You have to, right. And you've got to 426 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:56,720 learn. You learn by doing. And then, so even one of the principles that I use with my business 427 00:40:56,720 --> 00:41:03,520 clients is learn, review, adjust, learn, review, review, learn, adjust. You got to go, what worked, 428 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:08,480 what didn't work. Okay. Learn. Oh, I need to learn. I'd learn something here, you know, right before 429 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:12,720 we got on this podcast, I said, Hey, we're talking about earbuds. You learn something about earbuds 430 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:17,520 and you adjust. You say, what do I need to do differently now? Okay. And you just keep going 431 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:21,200 and you keep right. And you know, we can make this thing of courage. 432 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:26,560 What's that? I'm sorry. Yeah, exactly. So we can make this thing. 433 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,600 I didn't say anything. Go ahead. Well, it was just the internet was going, 434 00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:35,920 yeah, you know, but technology, we can feel like the courage. I have to be Wonder Woman 435 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:39,840 when most of the time Wonder Woman is we wonder what the heck happened to our lives. We wonder 436 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,800 what, right. How we're going to deal with the situation. That's the true Wonder Woman. 437 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:48,640 You know what really courage is? It's the courage to be the one that's going to be the one that's 438 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:56,000 Wonder Woman. You know what really courage is? I think requires just basically two things. One 439 00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:03,200 is that I think a key for me, courage has been as I looked back for all the different moves 440 00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:10,720 that I made, it was a sense of direction. I was either moving towards something or away from 441 00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:16,800 something. Frankly, engineering and my ex-husband was moving away. But I learned a lot about that. 442 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,640 Then when I decided to write the book and decide to entrepreneurial career, I was moving 443 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:28,400 towards something. So what's your sense of direction on something? And it gets fueled 444 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:33,120 often. And I think that where and the word courage actually is a French word that 445 00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:39,440 has based on a French word with the word heart in it. It's fueled by I did not know that 446 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:48,320 passion and conviction. So I think it's like Bon Secours. You ever heard of Bon Secours? 447 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:54,320 It's a big national hospital. Bon means good. Secours heart. It really simply means good heart 448 00:42:54,320 --> 00:43:02,720 in French. And I put down my heart necklace this morning. Well, it's not only just passion, 449 00:43:02,720 --> 00:43:11,280 it's passion. I really want something. But passion is more than just being excited. 450 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:16,000 I think passion means there's a deeper reason why this is important to you. 451 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:23,920 You had mentioned earlier to me, she said, hey, do you want to mention your music? I said, 452 00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:29,840 yeah, because I think it's important. And that to me was an important thing to say, 453 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:34,560 you know, not perfect life hasn't been easy for me. And you said, you know, I'm passionate about 454 00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:40,320 helping women in some way with domestic violence who are experiencing that and supporting safe 455 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:45,280 houses and counseling and otherwise. You know, it's something deeper than just there's a lot 456 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:50,080 of good things out there, right? And a lot of it's irritable. What's that one? I think also, 457 00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:55,360 oftentimes, sometimes it's a conviction. I will tell you that what my ex part of it was, 458 00:43:55,360 --> 00:44:02,480 yeah, the conviction of I didn't deserve that kind of behavior. But the bigger conviction is 459 00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:11,600 I'm not my I have too much to experience in life to be in that kind of gate continue to be oppressed. 460 00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:19,040 And I had that conviction. So so sense of direction, fueled by conviction, passion, 461 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:25,840 passion and desire. And the second big thing about their courage, it's just take the first step. 462 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:31,200 Exactly. Just say why not today? Yeah. And so you say, well, why not today? Well, I can't. 463 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:38,160 And then here's expect that all the critical negative voices and thoughts will go through 464 00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:44,960 your head. Oh, absolutely. I can't do this or that's not good. That didn't work or something 465 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:50,960 that is in a negative, the cants and the limiting thing. You know what? You first have to go, yep, 466 00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:56,160 those things have been true in the past. And this is where I say flip the chip. You can say, well, 467 00:44:56,160 --> 00:45:02,640 it hasn't worked yet. Right. But it will. But I'm going to figure out and again, what's the next 468 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:08,880 step? What's the next thing smallest little thing I can do to move in that direction? Right. So 469 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:15,440 and I often when I have that idea or thought, you get all those negative things happening. I kind 470 00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:20,880 of know like, all right, it's that I'm convicted. Like if things start stop me and there's too many 471 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:24,560 things, I'm like, all right, I got I'm a hard head enough to like, I'm going to file through it. 472 00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:30,800 I got to do it. Yeah, we could go on and on and on and on and on. And I'm excited. I'm going to be 473 00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:35,440 on your podcast. So we'll have to continue this and maybe we'll have part two and maybe even 474 00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:40,320 do some coaching around courage at some point. But I always try to connect back to my dad. 475 00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:46,160 And I don't know if you've ever met my dad. I'm honored to be able to meet your dad. But he was 476 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,920 definitely a character. And I always have this question and people like, well, I never met your 477 00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:57,600 dad. But it's kind of like how the connections and a kind of a funny story is going to AOL is my dad 478 00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:03,920 often told the story of when AOL was quantum computers, whatever they think, put things in 479 00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:07,920 everybody's mailbox and rest and saying, do you want to be a part of this company? And my dad's 480 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:14,880 like, I never did. And I really wish I had. But right, I think a lot like you, my dad had a big 481 00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:20,640 journey. And when he passed away, and my brother, writing the eulogy, and he's like, my dad always 482 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:27,440 had plan A, B, and then C. So things, the thing didn't work. And then it went to a different thing 483 00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:31,920 was a better thing. So he got in a car accident in high school, how much I've told the story, but 484 00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:36,480 that's where he lost the vision of his eye and he wore a knockout. And that's where his logo came 485 00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:42,000 from. And because of that, he was supposed to play football for USC. And because of that, he 486 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:47,920 couldn't. So plan B was we went to Notre Dame, which these days, who would have thought, oh, yeah, 487 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:51,840 by the way, I'm just going to go get on a train and go to Notre Dame. But that's where my mom grew 488 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:57,120 up. And that's where they got married. And so many things happen because of a plan B. So you just 489 00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:02,080 never know. So thank you so much for sharing. And this was so much fun. And as I said, we could talk 490 00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:08,320 forever and ever. You can, so how do people find you? Oh, I want to say first, thank you for the 491 00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:13,520 invitation. It's been fun. And I love how our connection continues. For those who want to 492 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:20,080 explore more about who is this Mary Foley, literally, my business coaching is at Mary Foley.com, 493 00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:28,880 M-A-R-Y-F-O-L-E-Y.com. And my new podcast and everything live like your nail color is at live 494 00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:34,320 like your nail color.com. By the way, you can also for the podcast, if you're already on 495 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:41,280 Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, look up live like your nail color with Mary Foley, 496 00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:48,880 and you'll find it. Great. And the Why Not Today podcast is on Apple, iTunes, and also Spotify, 497 00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:54,720 you need to teach me more tricks. We're working together on this and release an episode every 498 00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:59,680 other Saturday. And I've been doing this since March. I'm excited that we haven't missed one. 499 00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:05,840 We are trying to start a movement with Why Not Today. So say not why not say why not say and I 500 00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:13,120 actually if eventually this will be on video. And if it is we have Why Not Today cups, tumblers, 501 00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:18,720 that and then I've actually got Why Not Today t shirts for men and women, because I want people 502 00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:23,360 to be able to say why not today. So thanks again, Mary. It was super fun to have you and 503 00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:27,840 the rest of you. Thanks for listening. And just remember to say why not today. 504 00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:38,480 Why not today. All right, stop the recording.