Hello, my name is Leslie Cain and I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast.
This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, Why Not Today?
I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Cain, who often just said, Why Not
Today?
There was not a problem he couldn't solve.
Or everything was figure out of all that they often said.
I am based in Reston, Virginia, a planned community right outside of Washington, DC.
And thanks for joining us today.
I am super duper excited that my guest today is Crystal Downey-Shada.
And I know Crystal from the Mary Kay world, which is the first guest I've had on from
Mary Kay.
But all right, we're going to talk about Mary Kay today.
So before we hear from Crystal, I always kind of share a little bit about connections.
And I love connections and how we meet.
And Crystal and I actually met at a Mary Kay retreat in, it was at December to remember
in Austin, Texas with National Sales Director, Maritine, now at Bamforth.
And probably not going to share our big connection story, but we met and hung out and just instantly
did connect and talked about all kinds of stuff and not Mary Kay stuff.
And then stayed in connection with you, Crystal.
And I still remember many moments of calls and coaching and mentoring from you.
And not only a mentor or coach, but so you're a great friend.
And I'm excited to have you as a guest on our podcast today.
So let's get started with, I want you to introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about your
story and then a fun fact that people might not ever not know about you.
Awesome.
Thank you.
Well, Leslie, thank you.
And I do recall our meeting and our conversations and our great friendship and just thank you.
Thank you for inviting me on.
It's great to be here.
So just short version, 31 years of building a Mary Kay business.
I have enjoyed it and hustled my way to a very high position in the company.
And it's been a great experience and probably a fun fact is that I am a new beekeeper.
I have I know I have these and I love them and it's super fun.
So I check on the girls every day and it just gives me an awesome experience and grounding
in it's fun.
It's super fun.
And you are most of the people I think almost everybody I've interviewed is the local to
me, but you are not.
Tell me where you're from and where are you like?
I'm in Calta and Calta, Idaho and Idaho born and raised and this has been home for me for
a very long time.
This valley that I live in has been home to me for a very long time.
I've built my business here and beyond and I have two grown sons and they also live here
and I have other family here.
So yeah, this is it.
And I think I've been your direction a few times.
Yeah, you did come here for one event.
I remember picking you up and we went and hung out for dinner and I don't remember where
it went, but I do remember that.
It's a while ago.
I can't believe your sons are grown because they were.
I know like young kids when we met me either.
How does that happen?
So well, the beef keeper thing is really a cool story.
So I always start by asking people what does courage mean to you?
You know, courage means to me risk taking.
It's doing something different.
It's for me, courage is about feeling some anxiety or fear or discomfort around it and
making the decision anyway, doing the thing anyway.
And that would that would probably be my definition, my working definition of what courage means
to me and what that's about.
Yeah, totally agree with that.
And I know your journey in Mary Kay has ups and downs and there's a lot of places where
I know you personally that you showed courage and saw courage, but I think you want we talked
about going in a totally different direction.
So what have you done in your life that took courage?
Let's talk about your why not today story.
Okay, I would love to jump into this and it is a totally different conversation as I
shared with you before we came on I find myself just in unfamiliar territory discussing this
topic.
It's not generally a conversation that I'm having and well, I say generally, but I'm
having this conversation more and more with people over the last few years when I talk
about a paced life or a slower life or a spacious life that I'm living now.
It's a conversation that a lot of people are tuned into.
And it's tapping something in people that's pretty exciting.
So I just a short version, I'll kind of back up my story a little bit.
I have been building my Mary Kay business for, you know, as I said, 30 plus years.
In fact, this last month was 31 years having built my Mary Kay business and I was driven
and focused and between my Mary Kay business and raising my children primarily as a single
mom.
That was it.
That was my life.
And I was all about the doing of it.
And it worked.
I could press through and do the things that were required and necessary to create what
I thought I wanted to create.
And then what happened was I turned 50.
And when I turned 50, there was this bell ringing kind of wake up call in my life that
I realized.
I don't know.
Well, that coupled with I also had a miss in my Mary Kay business, a very big public
didn't make a goal that everyone knew that I was going for kind of miss.
And at the time I was heartbroken.
I mean, I was crushed that it did not happen.
And it kind of fell apart a little bit after that.
And in that crushingness of that missed public goal, I paused and looked up for a moment.
In other words, you know, I kind of had head down handling all of the things doing my life.
And in that experience, though it was crushing, it had me pause for a moment and that coupled
with turning 50, I just paused for a moment and I looked up and around and realized, wait
a second, this is, this is my one precious life.
This is it.
This is the only one I get.
And I get a little bit emotional when I share about that because that was a powerful realization
that that I only have this one and time is escaping me.
Am I really living the life that I desire to live?
And as I started looking, I just realized that my ladder that I had been furiously climbing
and was perhaps propped up against the wrong wall.
Yeah, don't we hear that often like make sure that ladder is up on the right wall.
Well, and I thought it was and had you asked me prior to that moment in my brain, it was.
But I think the combination of my, my time on this planet and and a crushing blow in this
goal.
I think the combination of those two at that time just had me pause and take a look and
say this is not.
Well, I first asked the question, is this my definition of success is everything that
I have worked to create how I define success, or is this a definition placed on me by our
society by growing up when I did by not having a lot when I grew up and the feeling the need
to prove and hustle for my value.
And so the combination of those things, I think just had me pause and look up and start
to ask questions.
But the definition, what I discovered was that my the definition my definition of success
had actually come from outside of me.
It had not come from within me.
And when I realized my time is limited.
I don't know how long it is, but it is limited.
Right.
Then that had me shift to a new thought.
And I said, wait a second, this is, this is not.
It's not okay with me.
And so that began the process of discovering what didn't align with me, what I thought
did but but actually did not align with me in my life and what was not working in my
life.
And I do feel like that's a first step.
Absolutely.
The processes, what do I not like what is not working for me.
And sometimes, you know, people can get into this over the top toxic positivity like, well,
what is working?
Well, I could go there but that that wasn't going to help me at that moment.
What I needed to do is examine what was not working.
So then from that place, I could say, great.
Now what?
Now what is that going to look like for me moving forward?
So I don't even know if I remember your original question or where we were.
What have you done that took courage and that took a ton of courage, especially the path
you were on and everybody watching you and to be able to take a step back and say, okay,
this isn't this is not working for me.
And I think you get wrapped up in the excitement and everybody watching and you know, Mary
Kate is a big platform with a lot of eyes on us.
Right.
And to be able to say, okay, that's not working and what do I want and value you and not what
everybody else thinks and as you said that external evaluation that I think think 50 is
kind of a magical year.
I kind of felt it a little at 40 of shift, but 50 definitely like it's about taking care
of us 50 felt like life grabbed me by the shoulders and said, we're not messing around
girl.
Yeah, like like their time matters and in a way that it had not before and my age does
not bother me so please I don't want this to be confused with I have an issue with anything
about that.
I think it was just the realization in a very real way that that time is time matters
differently than it has before now.
Also realized to that I was coming up to I'll share this little part of the story.
So in 2019 is when I really started taking some action on this 2018 had a huge year and
Mary came 2019.
I started to work on that inventory I had been taking for a few years, but and actually
started some execution of that process of what I wanted to change.
And during that year I remodeled and put on the market and sold a house that I'd raised
my babies in and it was the image house you know it was the house that looked successful,
but was not what I wanted.
What I wanted is what I have now which is this really charming 100 year old cottage
on a little tree line street and it's sweet and I love it and it's small and it's delightful.
And that's really what I desired is and not to be ungrateful for what I had, but I had
that because of the image that it was and I needed to look successful.
And so I did that became an empty nester my youngest graduated from high school, separated
and divorced my husband, then husband of 15 years and bought another business and went
through menopause.
2019 was a year.
A lot of stuff.
One of those was 2020 was bad.
Well that was 2019 so then when I finished 2019 I thought 2020 it's my year and it was
my year, but it was my year differently because that year required such a pause for so many
of us and that are obviously people in the medical field it was not a pause but for me
in my life it was a pause and there was a lot of uncertainty in that time and that actually
supported this how do I want to live my life process and what does a spacious life look
like.
And so 2020 actually served me very well in learning that and creating a practice around
that.
Yeah and so I know because we work together and we talk every couple weeks and you coach
me on this.
I think it'd be helpful maybe to kind of share what was the process of seeing how you wanted
to redesign your life or reevaluate like what were I know you know obviously one of the
questions is was it just a moment which turning 50 was kind of a moment.
And everything with Mary Kay was a moment, but like what's a process if we wanted to
people listening wanted to coach them and they're feeling the same thing like how can
you what can you suggest for people to reevaluate and shift and I know you we've talked a lot
about this and designing the life and we often talk about being okay with everything not
being done which you know and I know with Mary Kay and probably a lot of businesses people
entrepreneurs which a lot of people listen to this that are you know we never closed
the door and we're never done you know always more like people that go to an office you
know they're done for the day they close the door and they're off for the weekend and
it's done for a lot of people but it's not that way in our world and so you know how
would you coach somebody that is like facing like okay I'm turning 50 or 40 or 30 or and
it's often those zero monumental birthdays which we do evaluate and what's going on in
life but what what would you suggest to somebody that's feeling those feelings and like okay
this is not working for me.
Mm-hmm.
What do you evaluate and make a difference?
Yeah I think it would change.
It's a great question and I think the the first place is the internal the internal conversation
and examination of what is it I want my life to look like what do I want my life to stand
for what am I committed to creating in my life and as you as answering those questions
why does it matter to me is I think the next piece of that because I can say I desire this
I'm committed to this I want that but without the clarity around why does it matter to me
I think the why it matters to me is directly connected to the motivation and then that's
where the action comes from so that's my experience of it is first that internal inventory of
right now right here right now what is it that I want my life to look like stand for
what do I want to create what am I committed to in this and and along with that then why
does it matter those two parts together really go hand in hand and I think that that's a
beginning place for me I knew I was not happy I knew I was dissatisfied in a lot of different
areas of how I was living my life but I don't know that I knew beyond that until I started
doing some inventory of wait a second how I can go back to how or where did I get off
track but the bottom line of it isn't about that it's about where am I right now and what
matters to me right now and and here's the other piece and this is maybe geared towards
women maybe it's geared towards people I'm not sure but taking that pause to say what
do I want felt selfish it felt like a selfish question to ask because my life until that
point had been building a business and my children and raising my children and and and
what that was about and so that was my priority so becoming an empty nester was a big part
of this as well because I realized though they're always in my life and you know and
they're always my kids there was a shift that a significant shift in my identity that happened
at that point it was like wait a second I'm now not raising children I'm now not a wife
and those shifts made a difference too and it felt a little bit selfish to ask the question
what do I want and I think self I'm going to use the word self care I don't like that
word but I'm going to use that because I think it's too overused and is all about used to
sell a bunch of stuff and that's not what it's about but I think self care can feel selfish
when we haven't done it before when we haven't actually paused and asked ourselves those
questions so so if you find yourself grappling a little with the oh this feels selfish of
course it does because when was the last time you actually asked yourself what do I want
and I think as a mother and a wife and raising kids you know and I'm sure there are all kinds
of people that do that I think women in general your whole world is wrapped around the kids
all the things and then all of a sudden you wake up and you're like oh who am I and where
is my life and why did I get here and is this a track I still want to go right lose like
even I watched my sister who a lot of her friends were all wrapped around kids and the kids
activities and the kids pull the kids out and things change a little bit and I don't wait
and please know I mean one of your questions I know often I've listened to some of your
past podcasts as well as is often about regret I don't regret having prioritized my children
not for a minute I don't regret it and I lost myself in there somewhere between my position
as a Mary Kay director and mom and navigating all of the things that life was about and
just really surviving life at a very high price surviving life I discovered in that
process I lost me.
Yeah who is Crystal?
And what do I want and what matters to me because that's really when it comes down to
it that's what I got.
And in the other podcast I have talked about in reference Daniel Pink's book regrets and
he said when he wrote this he's went to his daughter's college graduation it's like how
did I get to the point that I have a child graduate and it feels like I just did it's
like life moves so fast with everything you wake up one day and like oh and it's often
the regrets of oh why didn't I do that or maybe take care of me a little or you know
and what what did you wish you'd done that you could do now and it's interesting that
whole story of turning 50 and 50th birthday and being selfish on my 50th birthday we are
planning a trip like a big trip bunch of girls all these people coming well this person
start adding and this person start adding and this person didn't like this person and
this person wasn't going and it became about everybody else and not me and so I remember
going to bed one night I'm like this is not okay this is not how I want to celebrate my
birthday and so I went down and made a list of the people I cared about the things I want
to do and I said forget this trip you guys go if you want but that's not about me that
was about everybody else and I picked the people that I cared about things I like and
I planned a bunch of things that I want to do and be around and did the things that gave
me joy not because somebody else wanted me to do it and I think with age comes wisdom
and I think we can look back and say all right what's okay for me and it's not selfish that
this is our life you know the other thing that I'm thinking is I'm listening to this
Leslie is that and as we're chatting back and forth is that there is this new process
that has been part of this from me that is allowing grace for myself prior to this there
was never grace for myself there was just demand from myself and performance me with
me right and performance demand no matter what you know and again as I said is a very
high price so I think that's another part of this process is how and where can we offer
grace be kind to yourself I mean I was talking to somebody yesterday about how we plowed
through things and we are exhausted and we didn't feel well and we still showed up I
know one of my highest values is dependability and so there are times I showed up and I probably
you know I didn't have it in me to show up and I probably could have easily said no and
the person would have been totally fine and people do it to us all the time but I don't
like saying no to somebody and sometimes we need to take care of us well we live in a
world that rewards anxious over achievers and perpetuates the narrative that our value
is based in what we do and who we become and this outside information so and that our value
must be earned in all of the different ways so of course so of course we're just busy
trying to you know play the game of what is next what's the next requirement of me to
earn my value and when it's about earning our value that is so much on the line that
yeah we'll do whatever yeah and yeah and you know in the Mary Kay world and lots of different
worlds we were we were the Mary Kay hat people just assume that and so I really try you know
with this podcast I'm doing and try showing that I'm much more than just the Mary Kay
consultant there's a lot more to my life than just a consultant or director and we've got
so many other facets to our life and do so many other things I mean you're a beekeeper
I love watching you're doing your house and you redid the floors I'm like okay that I
don't know if I could do but I could do other things yeah yeah it's been quite a process
there's probably not much of this house that hasn't been touched by me in the redo and
it's funny you're talking about the success status house so my house as you can see in
the back is fun and that's who I am I love the beach and my house is fun and I had a
friend come over one day she goes you need to be one of those reality shows when they
come and totally redo your house so it shows the success that you are and I mentioned it
to her later like it really insulted me but she didn't mean it that way but the way I
took it was like she didn't like my house and it had to be totally changed to the successful
person that I am she's like you're a top executive in Mary Kay you're super successful your house
should look different I'm like now this is my house and this is what I like and this
is what gives me joy and I live here right right you know my house is for somebody else
yeah yeah yeah it's this process of of healing those outside expectations that we grab onto
and own as our own and starting to detangle that of what's mine and what's not and then
once we do standing in that and I think you know COVID was I mean it was a bad thing for
a lot of people but I think it was a good evaluation I know I've evaluated me and I've
shifted my life because of the virtual world and being able to travel and do the things
I enjoy and work wherever still be able to have a livelihood but be able to take it and
do and just like you said just reevaluate why are we doing what we're doing got on that
hamster wheel I think right and it's an ongoing practice to peel back and those years of earning
our worth by being busy and productive at the expense of a life well lived and a life
well being of ourselves is is at the at the middle of it or the center of it and it's
a practice to heal that hustle and so it doesn't just like oh you know little fairy
bop you on the head and boom now you're going to be nice it's an ongoing practice of I value
my life and that that value of my life is not in direct direct proportion to my busy
my productivity my programmed image of success and it's a day by day moment by moment practice
it's so I love how you call it practice I know brunet brown often talks about its work
but not like in this sense that you've got a job work it's working on us yeah and it's
not because I'm a recovering perfectionist so I need to know that it's a practice and
I'm not going to get it exactly we got it and that's one of the things with this podcast
it's like I just had to do it and it's not perfect and this is actually the first episode
that I'm going to throw on YouTube which is a little scary so we're doing the video part
and but every episode I try to add a little difference a little add a little bit more
learn something new so it's it's yeah we try to everything has to be perfect to start
and sometimes you just got to start and that's what I did with that and I know you're looking
at doing a podcast or something similar yes so I'm excited to see that and hopefully what
I'm doing can teach you some things and we can work together things together so yes looking
forward to it in fact I think this message is a message that that a lot of people have
resonated with so I'm excited to have more of it out there I'm coaching a few people
now around it so to actually take it as a message that to support people in this process
I'm excited about I am so grateful for you coaching me on it that I have my practice
phone call every two weeks and it's ongoing and as you are a great coach that you coach
me that there's a lot of self coaching going on because of what you taught me and working
on us so what encouragement would you give somebody else to be courageous and actually
I heard something on a podcast or something the last couple days they use the word encouragement
and I just this just Chris this just just hit me that encouragement they said was courage
within was encouragement which was what we're talking about so you know from the inside
out so what would you suggest what encouragement will you give somebody to be courageous or
work on themselves or evaluate their life or well I think asking ourselves are we truly
living that life that we desire without selling out to the supposed to have or supposed to
be you know really coming to that core of what is my definition of success for me what
does it look like what does it taste like smell like feel like sound like what are all
of the parts of that in detail visualizing it in a way that is powerful and I can actually
feel it come alive in me like that I think is a step in this process that is revealing
and really beautiful and when we open ourselves to possibility possibility is one of my favorite
words so what would be possible if I began that journey if that experience inside of
me of what my definition of success looks like not what it's supposed to be not what
I've been taught but what I really want and desire and committed to having what would
be possible in that journey because I think sometimes we hold back because we just don't
know we can't see we don't have the whole picture it's a little unclear and so if we
can begin with that place and open ourselves to all of the possibilities and it could be
really beautiful.
Yeah, never know.
And so I always at the end connect because this podcast was an honor my father and I
always try to connect back to my dad and I interviewed somebody she's like I never met
your dad which of course you didn't either crystal but that's not about what it is it's
about what we talk about that is kind of the legacy he left so lots of things popped up
one saying that you wanted to you know what mattered to you paying attention to that and
what does you want what's your life to stand for and look like and my dad definitely left
a legacy that and I probably mentioned this many times that there's people that I know
I grew up with that said my dad had more conversation with my father than they did their own father
and he left that legacy and he made a difference and just like you he was great at asking questions
made you come up with the answer now very frustrating when you're in high school at
midnight trying to do your homework but you know he wanted to make a difference and he
actually started the rest in chamber not because he had local business but he was raising a
family of six kids in this community and wanted to make a difference and be a part of it and
so you know and talking about possibilities and he there was never a problem that he thought
was a problem there was always an option and let's look at this and let's look at that
I was talking to somebody the other day and he said she's like your dad always like was
thinking 100 steps ahead like creative ideas and looking at the possible and crazy ideas
like really but you know some of his crazy ideas have come to pass and the legacy he
left not only on me but people in the community and my family and it keeps getting passed on
and hopefully this why not today will connect keep going but yeah it's looking at what's
important he was not always you know I wasn't in the cookie cutter like what he's supposed
to do he owned his business which I think encouraged me to own my own business and thought
outside the box and was creative and we actually kind of a crazy story when I was 16 my parents
bought a camper and at that point there were only five of us Amanda wasn't born yet but
we went on a cross country trip for five weeks.
Catherine my sister was five weeks old when we went.
Now as a 16 year old the last place you want to be with is your family and your sister
that's five weeks old looking back the fact that he sacrificed and did that for us and
I mean it was a great adventure but it was he was enjoying life and enjoyed life till
the minute he died basically kept going so yeah lots of connections which is really
kind of cool so any parting words or anything you want to share or how do people find you
know people can find me just via my email in this moment which is healing the hustle
at gmail.com and I'll share this too with all that would be great yeah that'd be great
and this is an adventure this moving into spacious living is an adventure and and what
again what would be possible if we could have it come from that perspective like what is
the next step in this awesome adventure called my life and what can happen from that place.
Yeah I'm excited that being part of this adventure with you so thank you so much for being on
here and sharing your story and I love that we've been in a whole different way and hopefully
teaching people some things today you can find the why not today podcast on Spotify
iTunes we're working on a website and working on some other things but also working with
the promotional company to come out with some merchandise so I think I've shared it before
but we have a why not today cups to remind you why not today and the logo on here if
you don't know me or my dad he actually this was his logo he had an eye patch and a handle
of our mustache so we affectionately call this flat pat and so I do have a t-shirt I'm
very casual today but these are new t-shirts I just made that have a flat pat on the back
it says why not today so I'm working with this promotional company last weekend we have long
sleeve short sleeves men's women's we're kind of playing around with it so if anybody's
interested in some why not today gear I actually have a vinyl for your car like why not today
and I kind of a funny story to add to this is last weekend a friend of mine I was out
of town four hours away at a lake and a friend of mine was having a hard day Saturday morning
she came to water my plants and I'm like why don't you go to the lake oh I got a clean
she was gonna paint her closet and she had her day very much scheduled she got up at
six o'clock and had her complete to do was scheduled by the time she had to do it and
I was like why don't you just come it was like 80 degrees no humidity beautiful I'm
like you could be here this afternoon and finally we're like why not today and she jumped
in the car and was literally there 24 hours and had the best time exactly what she needed
and who cares about the to do list thing sometimes you just need to say why not today and enjoy
life because it may be raining and hot first next week but take advantage of it when you
can so yeah so thank you again for being on crystal thanks everybody for listening I'm
going to try to figure out a way to do some comments likes give away some stuff maybe
that'll be next week or the next one great so every other Saturday we debut a episode
of why not today if you know anybody that's interested as a great story let me know and
we'll share it so thanks again crystal thank you thank you my dear you are welcome.