1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,800 Hello, my name is Leslie Cain and I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast. 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:13,720 This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, Why Not Today? 3 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:19,000 I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Cain, who often just said, Why Not 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Today? 5 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,920 There was not a problem he couldn't solve. 6 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,000 Or everything was figure out of all that they often said. 7 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:28,440 I am based in Reston, Virginia, a planned community right outside of Washington, DC. 8 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,040 And thanks for joining us today. 9 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:35,120 I am super duper excited that my guest today is Crystal Downey-Shada. 10 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:40,360 And I know Crystal from the Mary Kay world, which is the first guest I've had on from 11 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:41,360 Mary Kay. 12 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,520 But all right, we're going to talk about Mary Kay today. 13 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:50,640 So before we hear from Crystal, I always kind of share a little bit about connections. 14 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,080 And I love connections and how we meet. 15 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:59,680 And Crystal and I actually met at a Mary Kay retreat in, it was at December to remember 16 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:04,640 in Austin, Texas with National Sales Director, Maritine, now at Bamforth. 17 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:09,040 And probably not going to share our big connection story, but we met and hung out and just instantly 18 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:13,720 did connect and talked about all kinds of stuff and not Mary Kay stuff. 19 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:17,120 And then stayed in connection with you, Crystal. 20 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:22,280 And I still remember many moments of calls and coaching and mentoring from you. 21 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,240 And not only a mentor or coach, but so you're a great friend. 22 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:29,880 And I'm excited to have you as a guest on our podcast today. 23 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:34,520 So let's get started with, I want you to introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about your 24 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:39,320 story and then a fun fact that people might not ever not know about you. 25 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,400 Awesome. 26 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:41,400 Thank you. 27 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,400 Well, Leslie, thank you. 28 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:48,320 And I do recall our meeting and our conversations and our great friendship and just thank you. 29 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:49,320 Thank you for inviting me on. 30 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,080 It's great to be here. 31 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:56,800 So just short version, 31 years of building a Mary Kay business. 32 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:03,760 I have enjoyed it and hustled my way to a very high position in the company. 33 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:11,000 And it's been a great experience and probably a fun fact is that I am a new beekeeper. 34 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:16,400 I have I know I have these and I love them and it's super fun. 35 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:21,720 So I check on the girls every day and it just gives me an awesome experience and grounding 36 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:22,720 in it's fun. 37 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,400 It's super fun. 38 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:29,320 And you are most of the people I think almost everybody I've interviewed is the local to 39 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,320 me, but you are not. 40 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,800 Tell me where you're from and where are you like? 41 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:42,080 I'm in Calta and Calta, Idaho and Idaho born and raised and this has been home for me for 42 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,280 a very long time. 43 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:49,000 This valley that I live in has been home to me for a very long time. 44 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:57,520 I've built my business here and beyond and I have two grown sons and they also live here 45 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,960 and I have other family here. 46 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,160 So yeah, this is it. 47 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,640 And I think I've been your direction a few times. 48 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,800 Yeah, you did come here for one event. 49 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:13,120 I remember picking you up and we went and hung out for dinner and I don't remember where 50 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,360 it went, but I do remember that. 51 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,360 It's a while ago. 52 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,840 I can't believe your sons are grown because they were. 53 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:22,040 I know like young kids when we met me either. 54 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,760 How does that happen? 55 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,200 So well, the beef keeper thing is really a cool story. 56 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:36,720 So I always start by asking people what does courage mean to you? 57 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:41,200 You know, courage means to me risk taking. 58 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,040 It's doing something different. 59 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:55,200 It's for me, courage is about feeling some anxiety or fear or discomfort around it and 60 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:59,480 making the decision anyway, doing the thing anyway. 61 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:05,640 And that would that would probably be my definition, my working definition of what courage means 62 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,280 to me and what that's about. 63 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,440 Yeah, totally agree with that. 64 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:14,920 And I know your journey in Mary Kay has ups and downs and there's a lot of places where 65 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:19,720 I know you personally that you showed courage and saw courage, but I think you want we talked 66 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,320 about going in a totally different direction. 67 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,920 So what have you done in your life that took courage? 68 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,520 Let's talk about your why not today story. 69 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:33,440 Okay, I would love to jump into this and it is a totally different conversation as I 70 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:41,080 shared with you before we came on I find myself just in unfamiliar territory discussing this 71 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,400 topic. 72 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:49,080 It's not generally a conversation that I'm having and well, I say generally, but I'm 73 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:53,640 having this conversation more and more with people over the last few years when I talk 74 00:04:53,640 --> 00:05:03,040 about a paced life or a slower life or a spacious life that I'm living now. 75 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:08,240 It's a conversation that a lot of people are tuned into. 76 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:12,240 And it's tapping something in people that's pretty exciting. 77 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:16,480 So I just a short version, I'll kind of back up my story a little bit. 78 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:20,760 I have been building my Mary Kay business for, you know, as I said, 30 plus years. 79 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:28,280 In fact, this last month was 31 years having built my Mary Kay business and I was driven 80 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:34,760 and focused and between my Mary Kay business and raising my children primarily as a single 81 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:35,760 mom. 82 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,000 That was it. 83 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,280 That was my life. 84 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:45,840 And I was all about the doing of it. 85 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:49,960 And it worked. 86 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:55,440 I could press through and do the things that were required and necessary to create what 87 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,960 I thought I wanted to create. 88 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:03,600 And then what happened was I turned 50. 89 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:11,280 And when I turned 50, there was this bell ringing kind of wake up call in my life that 90 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:14,880 I realized. 91 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:15,880 I don't know. 92 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:22,240 Well, that coupled with I also had a miss in my Mary Kay business, a very big public 93 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:27,760 didn't make a goal that everyone knew that I was going for kind of miss. 94 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,960 And at the time I was heartbroken. 95 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,160 I mean, I was crushed that it did not happen. 96 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,920 And it kind of fell apart a little bit after that. 97 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:46,480 And in that crushingness of that missed public goal, I paused and looked up for a moment. 98 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:50,920 In other words, you know, I kind of had head down handling all of the things doing my life. 99 00:06:50,920 --> 00:07:01,080 And in that experience, though it was crushing, it had me pause for a moment and that coupled 100 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:07,280 with turning 50, I just paused for a moment and I looked up and around and realized, wait 101 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:13,000 a second, this is, this is my one precious life. 102 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,000 This is it. 103 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,520 This is the only one I get. 104 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:22,520 And I get a little bit emotional when I share about that because that was a powerful realization 105 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:31,520 that that I only have this one and time is escaping me. 106 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:37,400 Am I really living the life that I desire to live? 107 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:46,240 And as I started looking, I just realized that my ladder that I had been furiously climbing 108 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:51,480 and was perhaps propped up against the wrong wall. 109 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:55,600 Yeah, don't we hear that often like make sure that ladder is up on the right wall. 110 00:07:55,600 --> 00:08:01,760 Well, and I thought it was and had you asked me prior to that moment in my brain, it was. 111 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:12,600 But I think the combination of my, my time on this planet and and a crushing blow in this 112 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,280 goal. 113 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:18,120 I think the combination of those two at that time just had me pause and take a look and 114 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,680 say this is not. 115 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:25,000 Well, I first asked the question, is this my definition of success is everything that 116 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:34,720 I have worked to create how I define success, or is this a definition placed on me by our 117 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:41,200 society by growing up when I did by not having a lot when I grew up and the feeling the need 118 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,240 to prove and hustle for my value. 119 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:52,400 And so the combination of those things, I think just had me pause and look up and start 120 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,920 to ask questions. 121 00:08:54,920 --> 00:09:00,800 But the definition, what I discovered was that my the definition my definition of success 122 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:04,400 had actually come from outside of me. 123 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,520 It had not come from within me. 124 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,800 And when I realized my time is limited. 125 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,920 I don't know how long it is, but it is limited. 126 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,920 Right. 127 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:21,120 Then that had me shift to a new thought. 128 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,720 And I said, wait a second, this is, this is not. 129 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,160 It's not okay with me. 130 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:35,800 And so that began the process of discovering what didn't align with me, what I thought 131 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,560 did but but actually did not align with me in my life and what was not working in my 132 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:41,560 life. 133 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,360 And I do feel like that's a first step. 134 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,360 Absolutely. 135 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:48,560 The processes, what do I not like what is not working for me. 136 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:53,680 And sometimes, you know, people can get into this over the top toxic positivity like, well, 137 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:54,680 what is working? 138 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:59,280 Well, I could go there but that that wasn't going to help me at that moment. 139 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,280 What I needed to do is examine what was not working. 140 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:06,760 So then from that place, I could say, great. 141 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,760 Now what? 142 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,120 Now what is that going to look like for me moving forward? 143 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:17,680 So I don't even know if I remember your original question or where we were. 144 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:22,440 What have you done that took courage and that took a ton of courage, especially the path 145 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:28,600 you were on and everybody watching you and to be able to take a step back and say, okay, 146 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,080 this isn't this is not working for me. 147 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:37,160 And I think you get wrapped up in the excitement and everybody watching and you know, Mary 148 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,440 Kate is a big platform with a lot of eyes on us. 149 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,440 Right. 150 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:49,200 And to be able to say, okay, that's not working and what do I want and value you and not what 151 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:55,120 everybody else thinks and as you said that external evaluation that I think think 50 is 152 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,560 kind of a magical year. 153 00:10:56,560 --> 00:11:03,480 I kind of felt it a little at 40 of shift, but 50 definitely like it's about taking care 154 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:09,600 of us 50 felt like life grabbed me by the shoulders and said, we're not messing around 155 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,600 girl. 156 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:17,480 Yeah, like like their time matters and in a way that it had not before and my age does 157 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:24,440 not bother me so please I don't want this to be confused with I have an issue with anything 158 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:25,440 about that. 159 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:35,160 I think it was just the realization in a very real way that that time is time matters 160 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,480 differently than it has before now. 161 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:42,880 Also realized to that I was coming up to I'll share this little part of the story. 162 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:48,600 So in 2019 is when I really started taking some action on this 2018 had a huge year and 163 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,600 Mary came 2019. 164 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:58,360 I started to work on that inventory I had been taking for a few years, but and actually 165 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:04,720 started some execution of that process of what I wanted to change. 166 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:10,400 And during that year I remodeled and put on the market and sold a house that I'd raised 167 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:15,200 my babies in and it was the image house you know it was the house that looked successful, 168 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,760 but was not what I wanted. 169 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:22,560 What I wanted is what I have now which is this really charming 100 year old cottage 170 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:28,960 on a little tree line street and it's sweet and I love it and it's small and it's delightful. 171 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:37,080 And that's really what I desired is and not to be ungrateful for what I had, but I had 172 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:43,080 that because of the image that it was and I needed to look successful. 173 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:48,600 And so I did that became an empty nester my youngest graduated from high school, separated 174 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:59,280 and divorced my husband, then husband of 15 years and bought another business and went 175 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,280 through menopause. 176 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,280 2019 was a year. 177 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,280 A lot of stuff. 178 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:07,280 One of those was 2020 was bad. 179 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:18,960 Well that was 2019 so then when I finished 2019 I thought 2020 it's my year and it was 180 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:27,080 my year, but it was my year differently because that year required such a pause for so many 181 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:31,360 of us and that are obviously people in the medical field it was not a pause but for me 182 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:40,440 in my life it was a pause and there was a lot of uncertainty in that time and that actually 183 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:47,360 supported this how do I want to live my life process and what does a spacious life look 184 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,440 like. 185 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:58,880 And so 2020 actually served me very well in learning that and creating a practice around 186 00:13:58,880 --> 00:13:59,880 that. 187 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:04,160 Yeah and so I know because we work together and we talk every couple weeks and you coach 188 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,160 me on this. 189 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:11,280 I think it'd be helpful maybe to kind of share what was the process of seeing how you wanted 190 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:17,040 to redesign your life or reevaluate like what were I know you know obviously one of the 191 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:22,120 questions is was it just a moment which turning 50 was kind of a moment. 192 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:28,800 And everything with Mary Kay was a moment, but like what's a process if we wanted to 193 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:33,800 people listening wanted to coach them and they're feeling the same thing like how can 194 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:39,960 you what can you suggest for people to reevaluate and shift and I know you we've talked a lot 195 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:46,000 about this and designing the life and we often talk about being okay with everything not 196 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:51,920 being done which you know and I know with Mary Kay and probably a lot of businesses people 197 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,920 entrepreneurs which a lot of people listen to this that are you know we never closed 198 00:14:55,920 --> 00:15:01,120 the door and we're never done you know always more like people that go to an office you 199 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,080 know they're done for the day they close the door and they're off for the weekend and 200 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:10,480 it's done for a lot of people but it's not that way in our world and so you know how 201 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:17,280 would you coach somebody that is like facing like okay I'm turning 50 or 40 or 30 or and 202 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:22,120 it's often those zero monumental birthdays which we do evaluate and what's going on in 203 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:27,320 life but what what would you suggest to somebody that's feeling those feelings and like okay 204 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,960 this is not working for me. 205 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:29,960 Mm-hmm. 206 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,960 What do you evaluate and make a difference? 207 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:32,960 Yeah I think it would change. 208 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:41,680 It's a great question and I think the the first place is the internal the internal conversation 209 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:51,800 and examination of what is it I want my life to look like what do I want my life to stand 210 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:59,800 for what am I committed to creating in my life and as you as answering those questions 211 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:06,840 why does it matter to me is I think the next piece of that because I can say I desire this 212 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:14,480 I'm committed to this I want that but without the clarity around why does it matter to me 213 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:25,080 I think the why it matters to me is directly connected to the motivation and then that's 214 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:31,720 where the action comes from so that's my experience of it is first that internal inventory of 215 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:38,120 right now right here right now what is it that I want my life to look like stand for 216 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:47,520 what do I want to create what am I committed to in this and and along with that then why 217 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:52,880 does it matter those two parts together really go hand in hand and I think that that's a 218 00:16:52,880 --> 00:17:01,640 beginning place for me I knew I was not happy I knew I was dissatisfied in a lot of different 219 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:08,280 areas of how I was living my life but I don't know that I knew beyond that until I started 220 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:15,840 doing some inventory of wait a second how I can go back to how or where did I get off 221 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:21,440 track but the bottom line of it isn't about that it's about where am I right now and what 222 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:30,400 matters to me right now and and here's the other piece and this is maybe geared towards 223 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:38,840 women maybe it's geared towards people I'm not sure but taking that pause to say what 224 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:51,720 do I want felt selfish it felt like a selfish question to ask because my life until that 225 00:17:51,720 --> 00:18:01,600 point had been building a business and my children and raising my children and and and 226 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:07,080 what that was about and so that was my priority so becoming an empty nester was a big part 227 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:12,240 of this as well because I realized though they're always in my life and you know and 228 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:18,880 they're always my kids there was a shift that a significant shift in my identity that happened 229 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:25,960 at that point it was like wait a second I'm now not raising children I'm now not a wife 230 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:33,040 and those shifts made a difference too and it felt a little bit selfish to ask the question 231 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:39,120 what do I want and I think self I'm going to use the word self care I don't like that 232 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:45,840 word but I'm going to use that because I think it's too overused and is all about used to 233 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:53,160 sell a bunch of stuff and that's not what it's about but I think self care can feel selfish 234 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:58,320 when we haven't done it before when we haven't actually paused and asked ourselves those 235 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:05,960 questions so so if you find yourself grappling a little with the oh this feels selfish of 236 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:10,960 course it does because when was the last time you actually asked yourself what do I want 237 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:16,520 and I think as a mother and a wife and raising kids you know and I'm sure there are all kinds 238 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:21,080 of people that do that I think women in general your whole world is wrapped around the kids 239 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:26,080 all the things and then all of a sudden you wake up and you're like oh who am I and where 240 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:33,800 is my life and why did I get here and is this a track I still want to go right lose like 241 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:41,640 even I watched my sister who a lot of her friends were all wrapped around kids and the kids 242 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:46,880 activities and the kids pull the kids out and things change a little bit and I don't wait 243 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:51,760 and please know I mean one of your questions I know often I've listened to some of your 244 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:58,360 past podcasts as well as is often about regret I don't regret having prioritized my children 245 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:06,600 not for a minute I don't regret it and I lost myself in there somewhere between my position 246 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:16,080 as a Mary Kay director and mom and navigating all of the things that life was about and 247 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:26,760 just really surviving life at a very high price surviving life I discovered in that 248 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,960 process I lost me. 249 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,680 Yeah who is Crystal? 250 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:38,200 And what do I want and what matters to me because that's really when it comes down to 251 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,520 it that's what I got. 252 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:45,680 And in the other podcast I have talked about in reference Daniel Pink's book regrets and 253 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:50,640 he said when he wrote this he's went to his daughter's college graduation it's like how 254 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:54,600 did I get to the point that I have a child graduate and it feels like I just did it's 255 00:20:54,600 --> 00:21:01,200 like life moves so fast with everything you wake up one day and like oh and it's often 256 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:09,840 the regrets of oh why didn't I do that or maybe take care of me a little or you know 257 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:15,040 and what what did you wish you'd done that you could do now and it's interesting that 258 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:20,760 whole story of turning 50 and 50th birthday and being selfish on my 50th birthday we are 259 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:25,720 planning a trip like a big trip bunch of girls all these people coming well this person 260 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,080 start adding and this person start adding and this person didn't like this person and 261 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:34,240 this person wasn't going and it became about everybody else and not me and so I remember 262 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:38,760 going to bed one night I'm like this is not okay this is not how I want to celebrate my 263 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:44,240 birthday and so I went down and made a list of the people I cared about the things I want 264 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:48,040 to do and I said forget this trip you guys go if you want but that's not about me that 265 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:52,480 was about everybody else and I picked the people that I cared about things I like and 266 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:58,400 I planned a bunch of things that I want to do and be around and did the things that gave 267 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:05,160 me joy not because somebody else wanted me to do it and I think with age comes wisdom 268 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:11,040 and I think we can look back and say all right what's okay for me and it's not selfish that 269 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:17,560 this is our life you know the other thing that I'm thinking is I'm listening to this 270 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:24,720 Leslie is that and as we're chatting back and forth is that there is this new process 271 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:35,240 that has been part of this from me that is allowing grace for myself prior to this there 272 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:41,680 was never grace for myself there was just demand from myself and performance me with 273 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:51,880 me right and performance demand no matter what you know and again as I said is a very 274 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:59,440 high price so I think that's another part of this process is how and where can we offer 275 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:05,480 grace be kind to yourself I mean I was talking to somebody yesterday about how we plowed 276 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:10,320 through things and we are exhausted and we didn't feel well and we still showed up I 277 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:15,360 know one of my highest values is dependability and so there are times I showed up and I probably 278 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:20,720 you know I didn't have it in me to show up and I probably could have easily said no and 279 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:25,800 the person would have been totally fine and people do it to us all the time but I don't 280 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:32,080 like saying no to somebody and sometimes we need to take care of us well we live in a 281 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:37,280 world that rewards anxious over achievers and perpetuates the narrative that our value 282 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:46,160 is based in what we do and who we become and this outside information so and that our value 283 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:51,360 must be earned in all of the different ways so of course so of course we're just busy 284 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:57,720 trying to you know play the game of what is next what's the next requirement of me to 285 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:03,560 earn my value and when it's about earning our value that is so much on the line that 286 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:09,800 yeah we'll do whatever yeah and yeah and you know in the Mary Kay world and lots of different 287 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:15,280 worlds we were we were the Mary Kay hat people just assume that and so I really try you know 288 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:19,520 with this podcast I'm doing and try showing that I'm much more than just the Mary Kay 289 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:26,480 consultant there's a lot more to my life than just a consultant or director and we've got 290 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:30,800 so many other facets to our life and do so many other things I mean you're a beekeeper 291 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:35,680 I love watching you're doing your house and you redid the floors I'm like okay that I 292 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:40,720 don't know if I could do but I could do other things yeah yeah it's been quite a process 293 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:47,920 there's probably not much of this house that hasn't been touched by me in the redo and 294 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:52,520 it's funny you're talking about the success status house so my house as you can see in 295 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:56,400 the back is fun and that's who I am I love the beach and my house is fun and I had a 296 00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,160 friend come over one day she goes you need to be one of those reality shows when they 297 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:07,120 come and totally redo your house so it shows the success that you are and I mentioned it 298 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:13,640 to her later like it really insulted me but she didn't mean it that way but the way I 299 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:17,720 took it was like she didn't like my house and it had to be totally changed to the successful 300 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:22,200 person that I am she's like you're a top executive in Mary Kay you're super successful your house 301 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,960 should look different I'm like now this is my house and this is what I like and this 302 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:33,000 is what gives me joy and I live here right right you know my house is for somebody else 303 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:44,640 yeah yeah yeah it's this process of of healing those outside expectations that we grab onto 304 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:50,240 and own as our own and starting to detangle that of what's mine and what's not and then 305 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:57,000 once we do standing in that and I think you know COVID was I mean it was a bad thing for 306 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:02,400 a lot of people but I think it was a good evaluation I know I've evaluated me and I've 307 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:07,640 shifted my life because of the virtual world and being able to travel and do the things 308 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:16,360 I enjoy and work wherever still be able to have a livelihood but be able to take it and 309 00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:22,360 do and just like you said just reevaluate why are we doing what we're doing got on that 310 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:30,760 hamster wheel I think right and it's an ongoing practice to peel back and those years of earning 311 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:40,360 our worth by being busy and productive at the expense of a life well lived and a life 312 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:47,640 well being of ourselves is is at the at the middle of it or the center of it and it's 313 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:54,880 a practice to heal that hustle and so it doesn't just like oh you know little fairy 314 00:26:54,880 --> 00:27:00,840 bop you on the head and boom now you're going to be nice it's an ongoing practice of I value 315 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:07,920 my life and that that value of my life is not in direct direct proportion to my busy 316 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:17,400 my productivity my programmed image of success and it's a day by day moment by moment practice 317 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:22,920 it's so I love how you call it practice I know brunet brown often talks about its work 318 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,680 but not like in this sense that you've got a job work it's working on us yeah and it's 319 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:33,520 not because I'm a recovering perfectionist so I need to know that it's a practice and 320 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:38,440 I'm not going to get it exactly we got it and that's one of the things with this podcast 321 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:44,600 it's like I just had to do it and it's not perfect and this is actually the first episode 322 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:49,680 that I'm going to throw on YouTube which is a little scary so we're doing the video part 323 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:55,920 and but every episode I try to add a little difference a little add a little bit more 324 00:27:55,920 --> 00:28:02,840 learn something new so it's it's yeah we try to everything has to be perfect to start 325 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,720 and sometimes you just got to start and that's what I did with that and I know you're looking 326 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:13,520 at doing a podcast or something similar yes so I'm excited to see that and hopefully what 327 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:21,280 I'm doing can teach you some things and we can work together things together so yes looking 328 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:28,440 forward to it in fact I think this message is a message that that a lot of people have 329 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:33,520 resonated with so I'm excited to have more of it out there I'm coaching a few people 330 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:39,040 now around it so to actually take it as a message that to support people in this process 331 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,520 I'm excited about I am so grateful for you coaching me on it that I have my practice 332 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:49,120 phone call every two weeks and it's ongoing and as you are a great coach that you coach 333 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:56,160 me that there's a lot of self coaching going on because of what you taught me and working 334 00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:03,720 on us so what encouragement would you give somebody else to be courageous and actually 335 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:08,680 I heard something on a podcast or something the last couple days they use the word encouragement 336 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:15,760 and I just this just Chris this just just hit me that encouragement they said was courage 337 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:22,680 within was encouragement which was what we're talking about so you know from the inside 338 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:28,920 out so what would you suggest what encouragement will you give somebody to be courageous or 339 00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:36,160 work on themselves or evaluate their life or well I think asking ourselves are we truly 340 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:43,200 living that life that we desire without selling out to the supposed to have or supposed to 341 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:50,840 be you know really coming to that core of what is my definition of success for me what 342 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:58,680 does it look like what does it taste like smell like feel like sound like what are all 343 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:06,200 of the parts of that in detail visualizing it in a way that is powerful and I can actually 344 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:14,120 feel it come alive in me like that I think is a step in this process that is revealing 345 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:20,820 and really beautiful and when we open ourselves to possibility possibility is one of my favorite 346 00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:29,920 words so what would be possible if I began that journey if that experience inside of 347 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:35,160 me of what my definition of success looks like not what it's supposed to be not what 348 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:41,160 I've been taught but what I really want and desire and committed to having what would 349 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:46,240 be possible in that journey because I think sometimes we hold back because we just don't 350 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:51,200 know we can't see we don't have the whole picture it's a little unclear and so if we 351 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:58,080 can begin with that place and open ourselves to all of the possibilities and it could be 352 00:30:58,080 --> 00:30:59,600 really beautiful. 353 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:03,240 Yeah, never know. 354 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:09,760 And so I always at the end connect because this podcast was an honor my father and I 355 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:16,160 always try to connect back to my dad and I interviewed somebody she's like I never met 356 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:21,040 your dad which of course you didn't either crystal but that's not about what it is it's 357 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:26,320 about what we talk about that is kind of the legacy he left so lots of things popped up 358 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:33,240 one saying that you wanted to you know what mattered to you paying attention to that and 359 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:38,680 what does you want what's your life to stand for and look like and my dad definitely left 360 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:44,600 a legacy that and I probably mentioned this many times that there's people that I know 361 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:49,760 I grew up with that said my dad had more conversation with my father than they did their own father 362 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:55,280 and he left that legacy and he made a difference and just like you he was great at asking questions 363 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:59,040 made you come up with the answer now very frustrating when you're in high school at 364 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:04,360 midnight trying to do your homework but you know he wanted to make a difference and he 365 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:09,200 actually started the rest in chamber not because he had local business but he was raising a 366 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:16,040 family of six kids in this community and wanted to make a difference and be a part of it and 367 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:25,280 so you know and talking about possibilities and he there was never a problem that he thought 368 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,800 was a problem there was always an option and let's look at this and let's look at that 369 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:32,720 I was talking to somebody the other day and he said she's like your dad always like was 370 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:39,840 thinking 100 steps ahead like creative ideas and looking at the possible and crazy ideas 371 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:44,400 like really but you know some of his crazy ideas have come to pass and the legacy he 372 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:50,320 left not only on me but people in the community and my family and it keeps getting passed on 373 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:55,000 and hopefully this why not today will connect keep going but yeah it's looking at what's 374 00:32:55,000 --> 00:33:02,200 important he was not always you know I wasn't in the cookie cutter like what he's supposed 375 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:06,800 to do he owned his business which I think encouraged me to own my own business and thought 376 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:13,040 outside the box and was creative and we actually kind of a crazy story when I was 16 my parents 377 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:18,320 bought a camper and at that point there were only five of us Amanda wasn't born yet but 378 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,840 we went on a cross country trip for five weeks. 379 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:25,680 Catherine my sister was five weeks old when we went. 380 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:29,120 Now as a 16 year old the last place you want to be with is your family and your sister 381 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:35,320 that's five weeks old looking back the fact that he sacrificed and did that for us and 382 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:41,320 I mean it was a great adventure but it was he was enjoying life and enjoyed life till 383 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:47,120 the minute he died basically kept going so yeah lots of connections which is really 384 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:53,920 kind of cool so any parting words or anything you want to share or how do people find you 385 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:59,200 know people can find me just via my email in this moment which is healing the hustle 386 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:05,240 at gmail.com and I'll share this too with all that would be great yeah that'd be great 387 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:17,520 and this is an adventure this moving into spacious living is an adventure and and what 388 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:23,040 again what would be possible if we could have it come from that perspective like what is 389 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:32,120 the next step in this awesome adventure called my life and what can happen from that place. 390 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:38,840 Yeah I'm excited that being part of this adventure with you so thank you so much for being on 391 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:42,800 here and sharing your story and I love that we've been in a whole different way and hopefully 392 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:47,920 teaching people some things today you can find the why not today podcast on Spotify 393 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:53,800 iTunes we're working on a website and working on some other things but also working with 394 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:58,000 the promotional company to come out with some merchandise so I think I've shared it before 395 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:04,160 but we have a why not today cups to remind you why not today and the logo on here if 396 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:09,480 you don't know me or my dad he actually this was his logo he had an eye patch and a handle 397 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:15,520 of our mustache so we affectionately call this flat pat and so I do have a t-shirt I'm 398 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:19,600 very casual today but these are new t-shirts I just made that have a flat pat on the back 399 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:24,760 it says why not today so I'm working with this promotional company last weekend we have long 400 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:28,520 sleeve short sleeves men's women's we're kind of playing around with it so if anybody's 401 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:33,400 interested in some why not today gear I actually have a vinyl for your car like why not today 402 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:38,200 and I kind of a funny story to add to this is last weekend a friend of mine I was out 403 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:43,760 of town four hours away at a lake and a friend of mine was having a hard day Saturday morning 404 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:48,000 she came to water my plants and I'm like why don't you go to the lake oh I got a clean 405 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:52,600 she was gonna paint her closet and she had her day very much scheduled she got up at 406 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:57,760 six o'clock and had her complete to do was scheduled by the time she had to do it and 407 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:03,520 I was like why don't you just come it was like 80 degrees no humidity beautiful I'm 408 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:08,880 like you could be here this afternoon and finally we're like why not today and she jumped 409 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:14,040 in the car and was literally there 24 hours and had the best time exactly what she needed 410 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:19,880 and who cares about the to do list thing sometimes you just need to say why not today and enjoy 411 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:25,000 life because it may be raining and hot first next week but take advantage of it when you 412 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:31,840 can so yeah so thank you again for being on crystal thanks everybody for listening I'm 413 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:37,160 going to try to figure out a way to do some comments likes give away some stuff maybe 414 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:43,880 that'll be next week or the next one great so every other Saturday we debut a episode 415 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:48,360 of why not today if you know anybody that's interested as a great story let me know and 416 00:36:48,360 --> 00:37:07,920 we'll share it so thanks again crystal thank you thank you my dear you are welcome.