Hi, this is Leslie and I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast.
This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, Why Not Today?
I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Cain, who often did say, Why Not Today?
I am based in Reston, Virginia, a planned community right outside of Washington, D.C.
Thanks for joining us today.
So I'm excited about my guest today, Yolanda Gray, and we're going to talk about courage
like we usually do in some of her courage stories, but she is going to share with us
some training on the one word, which I talked about last year, but I figured I'd get another
expert on it.
And I always like to talk about where I met people and the connections.
And one of my guests that I had on, gosh, over a year ago, Mary Foley, who's a good friend
of mine, one day we were talking about our podcast and I said, I just feel like I need
some help and I'm looking for, maybe I need a podcast coach.
She's like, Are you asking me?
I'm like, I don't know what I want.
She goes, I have an idea.
I've got some other friends who are starting businesses or doing shifts in their career
and what about if we did a mastermind?
So that's where I met Yolanda.
She's in North Carolina and we actually met up in Asheville for a mastermind retreat and
I guess the end of the summer.
So that's how I know Yolanda.
So you just never know who that person is that's going to connect you.
And I saw the other day you posted that you're doing a one word workshop and so I'm like,
we need to hear from you.
So why don't you do a quick introduction, let everybody know who you are, a little bit
about you and a quick fact and then we'll kind of get into the courage part and the
one word obviously.
Okay.
Well, thank you so much for having me and yes, I am Yolanda Gray.
I'm a certified life coach and I'm on a mission right now.
I consider the work that I do missionary work for the Christian woman who's in midlife and
beyond who is wondering like, what's next for me, you know, and overcome any obstacles
that have held her back from designing a plan that is in alignment with her heart, God's
heart and his plan.
And we work together.
I work together in different ways.
But mostly I love to, I love communities.
So I work a lot in groups and host retreats.
But I know what keeps women from realizing their full potential in God because I live
for so long, not realizing mine and it's never ending.
I'm not done by any stretch of the imagination and it's a lifelong journey, but I've lived
long enough to be able to, you know, work with women in midlife.
Most of my clients are midlife and beyond.
They're going in transition, you know, a lot of women right now in midlife are getting
divorced and finding themselves alone.
And not that it's so sad for them, but like, how do we, how do, then what's my purpose
now?
How do I go on?
They're retiring from work.
They're, they're caregiving.
They're, you know, completely different places in life than maybe a 30 or a 40 year old.
So that, that's usually.
And that is kind of the niche audience that for this podcast I've found a lot of women
are like, what's next?
Yes.
Really what I am trying to be able to supply and help women with is coaching on what's
next and you know, between retirement and empty nesting and kids and parents needing
help and just like, okay, like I think, I don't know if it's a combination of COVID or age
that we're just kind of women or just looking at life and it's like, what's next?
Kind of a stir in our soul.
Like something's different.
So give us a quick fun fact about you, Yolanda.
Here's a fun fact.
Okay.
I received or I earned, I say my first degree at age 54.
So I'm a late bloomer.
I actually at 50, I'm sorry.
My second degree, my grad degree was at age 60 and it is in the field of human development
and human relations.
However, the fun fact is that I worked in a men's prison in a uniform as a prison guard.
And I like to say that I learned more about human behavior in that environment than, and
then all the education I ever got.
I bet.
And I feel like it was training.
It was training for the work I'm doing now.
It's interesting.
Yeah.
There's nothing that we do in life good and bad that doesn't help us other places.
Amen.
John Maxwell, who's a coach and trainer, he says, you know, if you fall down, get back
up and pick the lesson up with you.
Yeah.
That's good.
Nothing is for granted.
Like all the things and especially the things that we go through that think are really bad.
Like what good can come out of it?
It's always something good.
Absolutely.
You have to get through it to see where it is.
So what does courage mean to you?
So I thought this was a very good question, compelling, because we read a lot about courage.
And in the Bible talks a lot about courage.
I found so many scriptures that spoke on courage where God was telling somebody to have courage
or be courageous.
And it came to me that courage was that essential, it's the essential element to overcoming fear.
A lot of times you hear, feel the fear and do it anyway.
But as Christians, we're not to feel the fear.
We're to reject the fear and take the gift is a gift of courage.
And I can point to a second Timothy 1, 7.
Yeah, 1, 7 that says, I've not given you a spirit of fear.
You know, but have a signed mind and power and we have that power.
And when we're afraid and have no courage, we stay in yesterday.
We stay in our past and we can't move forward.
And when we hear, as your question always asks, I love your question.
Why not today?
We come up with a million questions, a million reasons why not today.
Right?
Wow.
So that's, and that's what I thought of.
When I thought of, you know, when God says, take courage, it was interesting that word
take it's like it's a gift.
And in Psalm 2714 it says, this is my gift to you, my divine gift of strength to overcome
fear and then to overcome fear, you take an action.
And that ties beautifully into why not today?
Let's get up.
Let's move.
Yep.
And, you know, we talk on this podcast about big things people have done and starting businesses,
quitting jobs, all the different things, but sometimes why not today is getting out
of bed.
Yeah, absolutely.
We're recording this in December.
It's a holiday season and it's a hard season for some people because of loss or life or
just things that have happened.
It's not always cheerful and joyful.
And so some days it is literally getting out of bed and, you know, one step in front of
the other.
So you just never know, you know, what that courage is for somebody.
So that's why I really try to encourage people with to be courageous and it doesn't have
to be big.
It can be little.
Yeah.
And interesting, there are, I found about 14 or 15 scriptures that said take courage.
And then about 14 or 15 scriptures that said be courageous.
So it is a state of being as we overcome the fear, you know, and yeah, I mean, when I,
when I looked at that, it was like, oh, just like we can be fearful, we can be courageous.
Exactly.
It's interesting.
I interviewed my brother on our first anniversary episode and he's the only one that said he
pulled out a dictionary.
Yeah, no, I, yeah.
So I know you've done lots of courageous things in your life and we definitely want to talk
about the one word.
So but are there things that you've done that have taken courage that you want to share?
Courageous things.
I mean, going back to school at 50 something definitely was courageous.
I think the most courageous thing I believe, and I thought about this for a long time.
And like you, we have done many courageous things that we can look back on.
If you look back on and go, yeah, that took courage.
It took courage.
I needed to call, I call on God and say, give me the courage, make me brave in this thing.
So many things.
But the biggest one was reaching out for help.
And it sounds so nondescript.
It sounds so like, okay, well, because it took courage for me, first I had to admit
to myself I was, I had, I was in alcoholism.
That's one of the biggest ones, but there've been a lot of, a lot of other things that I've
not let go of.
So it's holding onto the shame and the pain of addiction, and I could get it to God and
ask him to help me.
But I didn't realize that what God was doing was pushing me out to ask for help.
Have you ever heard the story of the person?
I think they're in a storm and they're praying, God help me.
And they send somebody in a boat and then they rejected them.
I'm waiting for God and prayed again and they sent somebody else and kept sending somebody.
And finally God's like, I've sent all these people to you.
Yes, yes, yes, exactly.
But when we, and this is for most women, when we are hiding, when we're in shame, we, we
don't want, you know, why not today?
Because today I'm feeling better.
So I'm not, maybe tomorrow, maybe, you know, when I, because now I'm feeling good.
And you know, those are the lies of the enemy that want to keep you stuck in whatever your
stuckness is.
And so I think that reaching out for help, for allowing somebody else to know me and
to become transparent is probably the most courageous work any of us could do.
Yeah.
And I, my mom is a giver and she loves to do everything for everybody, but doesn't want
to ask for help for herself.
I often shared with people that do that and, you know, we're all guilty of it.
But when you don't ask for help and let somebody else help you, then you're blocking their
blessings to be able to give back to you.
That's good.
We want to help.
And, you know, we want to be able to support.
And you just never know when there's something you ask for help that somebody else needs
help with or you actually helps them.
And I think that's one thing I've heard repeatedly from people listening to the podcast that they're
hearing other people's stories and it gives them permission and gives them hope and to
say, why not?
But yeah, asking for help is really hard.
And especially when you're down, you know, those are the times you don't need to have
that tribe of friends that you literally can call at two in the morning if you need somebody.
Right.
Exactly.
And being there for your friends and the people, a good friend of mine this summer, we were
talking about getting together and she had a lot going on and she was thinking, you know,
maybe it's too hard to get together and these are college friends, which we hadn't all seen
each other together in years and years.
And she said something profound that really stuck with me.
She said, another friend years ago was having a big birthday and it took a lot of, took
money and time and effort to go see her for a birthday, but she asked herself the question,
would I spend the money and time and effort to go to her funeral?
And I would and I spend the money and effort and time to go see her alive.
That is so.
That's profound.
Yeah.
So, yeah, asking for help definitely is a big thing.
So the one word, I've done it for many years and we're going to have somebody actually
on next week that's going to talk about she does some training on beacon and your intent
and had never heard the one word.
And I guess you can see behind me, joy is behind me.
And that was my word before it has been years, several years ago and I often do my word,
we paint it for an event and then I actually print out little pictures and put it all over
my house to remember my, remember my word.
So I know you've done training and things around this.
So I'd love for you to share a little bit on how you come up with your word.
Anything you want to share on the one word?
Well, yes, I've been, I've been hosting workshops around the word of the year, probably for
three or maybe four or five years.
I went to a retreat in Asheville, actually a conference that was given by a well-known
coach and she talked about the word of the year.
And then I found out that other people were doing it, this word of the year.
And now I mean, we've seen it in the Christian community that, you know, everyone is, you
know, a lot of people are writing the bandwagon for what we're doing here.
Do you know about the book, the one word?
No.
Okay, so there's a gentleman named John Gordon who wrote a book about the one word years
ago.
He's been on the Today's Show, published all over the place and that's how I heard about
it.
So it's a good one for you.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
So I see the word of the year as an expression of, well, number one, I see it as a setup
for the theme of the year.
Even if you don't know it's going to be the theme of the year, God downloads that word.
You know, he downloads a word or a thought.
I was working with a client who is coming along.
I mean, she is like awakening, right?
And she said, my word is discipline.
And when I thought, when I heard the word I said, well, that's just like to beat you
up, beat yourself up with discipline, right?
What do you want from that word?
You know, what do you want?
What do you think it's going to bring you?
And I already had the word for it.
It was like, oh, she's blossoming, blossoming, blossoming.
Every time you see a flower, you think of blossoming.
I'm blossoming.
And so we sort of worked that around it.
That became her word of the year.
But it is intentional.
It's an intention.
You make the word either, I like to say, you make it an adjective or a verb, something
that has action to it.
Like, you know, and it's only one word.
A verb or an adjective and a descriptor.
And it's the word, the one word that's going to begin to bring clarity into the theme.
So you're thinking of the word.
And like I just took my client through it was like, what is that word mean to me?
If she chose discipline, it was going to be another thing that she was going to beat herself
up with, right?
Because we aren't, we aren't all disciplined every single day.
But if I'm blossoming, if I'm becoming, if God is pouring into me and, you know, making
me to bloom, then how about that word, which was going to take some structure and discipline.
But it's a better descriptor.
It's something, you know, you can attain, you know, something that you can achieve.
So yeah, now, so I've been doing this for five years.
And at the end of the year, I can always reflect and see how it's manifested in my life.
And like you said, you know, you have it all over your house, you have it is in your heart
and your thoughts.
It's, you know, and it's what I'm doing right now.
This is my question is always, is what I'm doing right now, bringing me closer to that
theme for this year.
That word, is that word being manifested?
Is it, is it, you know, is it growing in me?
Because you know, we can all have intentions, but we have to take the action, but we have
to be aware.
We have to be awake and aware to what, you know, when you see a little sign and I'll
give you a hint.
No, I'll give you, I'll just tell you, my word last year was rebuild.
Rebuild.
Okay.
So I thought it meant my business.
So I'm, you know, that sounds good to me because what I was doing wasn't working.
So I'm going to be rebuilding halfway through the year.
And this was through prayer, through meditation, through community, a lot of what we did at
our retreat that you hosted for us so graciously turned something on in my mind.
It wasn't rebuilding my career or my life.
It was rebuilding myself.
It was, it was, it was things that were still in my way that were blocking me to the full
potential.
See my, my mission is to help women achieve their full potential.
We're always on, we're always on the journey, you know, it's never ended, but I was lacking
this step that I needed to take to become rebuilt, to rebuild.
And boy, it was powerful and it went on from, it started in April.
It, we still talked about it in August at the retreat, but it was probably September,
October, when it finally became very clear.
And I began to live intentionally, more intentionally.
And that's one of the things I love about the word and your theme is you have the intention
when you start going one way.
And God, you know, and what I was, the book that I've read talks about look, or look in
to kind of think of your word, pray about it, look up and then look out, see where you see
it.
And so, so often I think it's one word and then I start doing that and it's totally different.
And then the word can kind of take a whole different meaning in 2020.
I think my word was connect and a good friend of mine was gather.
And we know what happened in April of 2020.
Like we had to learn how to connect and gather in a whole new way.
Right.
My word last year was going to be intention, which is silly because this what it's all
about is intention.
And I keep in my, one of my devotionals, I keep all, list all my words and I looked,
I'm like, okay, I've used that a couple of times, something different.
And the word space came to me, which, so that was my word for this year, which was interesting.
One of the things is I cleared out some clutter and space.
The wall behind me used to be pink and I totally cleaned out my office and redid things in my
house.
And so that was one part of the space.
The other part was I really want to be more present with people and be in people's space
intentionally and spend time and not just hurry through.
And then this was not in my plan, but I guess God's plan was adding space in my life.
And you know, I'm really talked a lot about on the podcast, but I lost a very close friend.
And so that opened up a whole new space in my life.
And I inherited his dog.
So that put space.
So you just never know where it's going to come from or how it's going to morph throughout
the year.
And like mine was in July, I had a major pivot and you said yours was like April through
really October, you know, almost the whole year of living it.
Another friend of mine that did the one word last year, she's like, I don't remember my
word.
I'm like, obviously you didn't live it then.
So that's one of the reasons, you know, I try to keep it in front, but you know, I am
so committed to the one word and I've done it probably seven or eight years now that
I remember my word.
Yes.
Really try to live it.
So any other tips and my suggestions on coming up with a one word?
Well, yes.
I, you know, we all do it in different ways.
I don't know how you lead into the word, but some of the things that you already said,
it was like, yeah, you look in, you look up, you, you, you know, pray, you can meditate.
And one of the things that I do in my workshop is I lead a, a, a short meditation in the
work, within the workshop.
And it's like, you know, just getting very quiet and thinking about the past.
We usually do it this time of year.
So it's like the past nine, eight, nine months, nine, 10 months, you know, what was it that
you were hoping for that either manifested didn't, you know, didn't happen?
And what do you want more of less of and think of some words that are around those desires
now and then pray.
And what happens is, you know, usually it will come in this stillness, but for some,
for a lot of us, it's like, well, one thing, some of us try to overthink it.
And we've got to let that, we've got to let it go.
We got to.
And we just ask a few questions like, you know, what do I need?
What do I need this coming year?
What do I need?
And then why is this important?
If we reflect on the past year, we'll find out why is this important?
Reflect on how we live the past year.
Think about your word.
And then what's it going to take?
Not the perfect circumstances.
Not, you know, why not today that revert sprite back to that?
Not it's not ever going to be perfect timing.
Wow.
So it's not the perfect circumstances of when this happens or that happens.
But inside of us, as the Holy Spirit leads us, what will it take to accomplish that word
in my life?
And then always, what do I need to let go of to get it?
And then the word comes.
It was interesting one year.
I don't know where the word can somebody set up your tenacious, you know, a lot of people
can take that mean Stummer and don't like all of or, you know, a dog with bone.
But I got that word tenacity.
Yes, I do have a tenacity.
By the way, you need to be courageous and have release fear to be tenacious, right?
No, you know what you were called to Leslie.
So you need to stay.
You know, we need to be.
You need I mean, need to be tenacious in in staying, standing on what God's given us to
do.
So I'm driving on a trip road trip.
I'm thinking of tenacious.
And all of a sudden, this big NASCAR truck goes by.
I mean, you know, those big trailers that hold NASCAR, big truck semis, right?
Painted purple.
And it took a picture of it.
Painted purple.
And a big, bold, yellow lettering, it said tenacity.
I go, mm hmm.
That's my word right there.
And that's, you know, that's what happens when you know the word, like intention was
there and then I changed it to space.
And I just saw it all over the place.
I'm like, OK, I hear you.
You know, you know, that's where you got to kind of sit with it and live with it.
Yes.
Because you will get confirmation.
Yeah, it will be confirmed because I had a couple of things going, you know, going as
I was leading these women in word of the year, my own word, because it hadn't really gelled
yet.
I was trying to close up some things from this year.
So I had just been thinking about it as I'm getting ready to guide to lead this group.
And so I started reflecting on last year and last year I told you it was rebuilt.
OK, so now I'm in a space of rebuilding.
I have this mission that God's given me and I've never in 30-something years ever been
off the mission.
I've only I'm doing it in a different way the last 10 years.
I've been coaching and I say coaching.
It can be mentoring, but I say coaching because I'm not a counselor.
It's actually what I went to my grad school to become was a therapist.
And I realized that a lot of us therapies good.
But once you get dealt with a deal with your past, and she's so important, so important
because we lose our identity if we don't deal with our past.
We don't because we're living our past identity.
Yeah.
I decided to become a coach and really I'm more of a mentor, a spiritual mentor.
I get women on the journey.
They don't stay with me forever.
However, they come to my retreats and they come to my workshops and things that as far
as like really digging in and like looking at that.
Seem, well, you know, that seam of your life comes came a lot from this word of the year.
I'd like to share like a couple of things I found out about what it does for you when
you get it.
Right.
Okay.
So I started thinking about this.
Somebody asked me, well, what is word of the year?
I mean, how does it work?
How does it work in your life?
And I'm like, oh, that's a legitimate question.
I didn't really have the answer to.
So I started thinking about it and you've been doing this for longer than me.
So like I found this one of some things I found.
One that it guides you to create the habits and routines that you need.
I agree.
For that intention, for the momentum, for the motivation, for the movement.
And it, how, how, how does that work?
Well, when you think of your word rebuild, and I was thinking, of course, the beginning
of the year, my business, it gave me like these feelings of success.
Just triggered these little feelings of like, yeah, okay, this is really important, but
what do I have to change?
You know, what am I going to have to do to manifest that word?
Right.
Rebuild.
And so you start setting routines, right?
I start setting routines, start creating habits.
And you start moving in the direction of that word.
That in itself is a life changer.
The second thing is it builds your faith.
And as you said, and I shared that we, we know we're in alignment because we start seeing
the word.
It starts, you know, starts becoming real as we're marinating in like, what is this word?
You become very aware that you are in definite alignment.
And so it's, well, how do you know that?
And we'll stay with it, see what happens.
You know, I don't know.
But this is your word.
And if you stay with it, just see what happens.
Oh my gosh.
Is it not every time we just stay with that word and something happens?
Right.
So the third one was that because, and a lot of what you said about, like, you know, you
have your word all over the, as it becomes part of our everyday living, it's like, you
know, it's every day, I'm rebuilding every day, I'm walking in joy every day.
I'm, you know, doing what I need to do to get closer.
It becomes a really deep spiritual connection to the word to God.
He gave you that word.
So you get very, very connected.
And it also works to connect you in relationships.
It's very interesting.
Their whole rebuilding was, you know, a, a, something that had to change inside of me.
I let go of so much that it changed the way I even looked at relationships.
And I realized that there were some that I was holding onto that needed to go.
Yeah.
And that was really powerful.
And then the fourth thing, the number four was it becomes a part of you.
It's like second nature.
Yes.
Tenacious.
Yes.
Tenacity.
Joy.
Yes, I am joy.
I'm exhibiting, you know, I'm inhabiting joy and I'm, you know, for you, you know, I'm exhibiting
it because I'm inhabiting it.
It's in me.
It's in my spirit.
And then the fifth one that I think is really important, it helps you to design your year.
It helps you, you know, how I'm going to revolve my year around this word.
It's different than goal setting.
It's around, it's more around the vision of what that word invokes in your spirit.
Right.
Yeah.
Love that.
So, yes.
So, so many things.
Yeah.
So, well, before we kind of wrap things up here, we actually have our first sponsor for
the podcast, which I want to share a little bit about our first sponsor is Pino's Palette.
It's owned by a close friend of mine and we do a lot of events there, but she says, you
know, Pino's Palette, why not unleash your creativity and have a little fun at Pino's
Palette in Herndon, Virginia, paint and sip while socializing with loved ones and discover
your inner artists.
No artistic ability required.
The entertaining artists will guide you step by step for blank canvas to masterpiece.
Why not paint and sip today?
So she is our sponsor because she is sponsoring the Wine Women in One Word event we are holding
in Herndon, Virginia on January 4th.
And if you're not local and you want to maybe zoom in, we might be able to figure that out.
But we are going to paint our word.
So hopefully people will listen to this podcast prior to painting our word, but and do some
sips while we're doing it and have a masterpiece to take home with you.
So Pino's Palette, thank you for being our, why not today, sponsor today?
That sounds fun today today.
So, yes.
So Yolanda, I know I always ask, how would you encourage somebody else with their word?
But I think the five points you just shared really was encouraging.
Is there anything else you'd like to share, encourage, talk about around the One Word
to encourage for people?
I would really like to share scripture around word because while I was, you know, getting
these workshops together, I was looking for scripture because, you know, our words are
so powerful, the words we speak, the words we read, the words we take in, the words we
give out.
But I found the scripture in Proverbs 2511.
And this is from the message Bible, but it said, the right word at the right time is
like a custom made piece of jewelry.
Ooh, love that.
And so it had me to think, I think I'm going to get a piece of jewelry that has that my
word on it.
Well, there is a company called My Intent.
Do you know about them?
Yes, I saw that.
I meant to wear my bracelet because I have one that I have why not today on, but not
my word.
And it's interesting, just the words and power.
I always wear bracelets.
There's a story behind that.
I don't go into that now, but I was sitting on a meeting the other day, a little board,
I hate to say it, and I was looking at my bracelets.
And one is, they're usually beach themes.
And this one is an anchor.
And it says, and I've hadn't even really paid attention to it, but it says, and I'm not
going to be able to read it.
It's too small, but it's about anchoring in the truth.
Oh, I can't read it now.
Words of life anchored to your truth is what it's like.
And I'm like, I had never noticed that.
So words are powerful.
They are.
I wear it every day and haven't looked at it.
But yeah, words are powerful and anchor yourself to those words and just watch it unfold.
Exactly.
It will.
Absolutely will.
Yep.
You just never know where it's going to show up.
So this has been so much fun.
And thank you for being our guest today.
And as I did mention, Pinot's Palette is our sponsor.
We're going to do an event in January.
And if people want to find you, Yolanda, where do they find you?
Of course, I'll share all your contact information in the show notes, but is there anywhere,
particularly your favorite place to connect with people?
On Facebook, I'm Yolanda Gray.
I have a Facebook group for women called hashtag take back your life.
All one hashtag, take back your life.
And I do, I do screening around that's not a public one because we share a lot of good
things in there.
And I would love to have more women within the group.
They're lovely, lovely women.
They're on a mission.
They're on a mission too to, you know, achieve their full potential.
And then I'm at Yolanda at Yolanda Gray.com is my email.
And then Yolanda Gray.com is my website, which is currently.
It's up, but it's going to be.
Rebuilding.
It's rebuilding.
That definitely needs to be rebuilt.
That definitely needs a rebuild.
Yeah.
So you can catch me in any of those places.
And of course I'm a messenger, so you can message me, but I'll share all your contact
information with the show notes for this.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thank you for being our guests.
And why not today?
You can find us at whynottodaypodcast.com.
We have Facebook page.
You can on the site.
You've got swag.
So we have why not today cups?
We have why not today T-shirts?
I've got some Christmas ornaments and coffee cups.
So really want people to remember to say why not today.
And it doesn't have to be the big things.
It can just be the little things.
So thank you for Yolanda.
Thank you everybody else for listening and watching and feel free to review us, share
us.
And if you know somebody else that has done something courageous, you think would be a
good guest, always let me know.
There's a form on the website.
So thanks again.
And I can't wait to hear everybody's one word, share it with, as a comment on the podcast.
Thank you Leslie.
Merry Christmas.
And see you next time too.