Hello, my name is Leslie and I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast.
This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous to say why not today.
I started the podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Kane, who often said why not today.
I am based in Reston, Virginia, a planned community outside of Washington, DC, and thanks for joining us today.
So I'm excited for my guest. It's Darian Mowgli, and I know last week was Dorian,
but I'm not going to get me totally confused. But Darian, and I always talk about how we connected.
So Darian was a referral from another friend of mine who was on the podcast, Mary Foley.
She's like, you need to talk to my friend Darian. And she wrote a book which she kindly sent me a copy of,
and it's called Choose to Be Happy, and her company is Darian, Inc.
And we had a conversation and she just said some cool, courageous things.
I just felt like we needed to hear her story. So Darian, I'm excited to have you.
Introduce yourself with a fun fact and then we'll kind of get into courage and what that means.
Okay. I am so excited to be here. And the mutual friend that recommended us was very sweet to do that and to get us connected.
I appreciate the opportunity. So I am a life and leadership coach, a speaker and trainer, and now author,
which I didn't know a year ago that that is where I was headed.
But I'm very excited that I took the time to actually, which is probably part of courage,
but took the time to actually say, is my story worth telling? You know, is it enough for anybody else?
So Dare to Choose Happy came out in May and that's what we're going to talk about a little bit today.
So, and what's a fun fact that we need to know about you?
A fun fact is that I live on the water in Oceansprings, Mississippi, and that was absolutely a choosing happy decision.
I went from 3,500 square feet to 1,800 so that I get to wake up and look at water. And it was worth it.
And I knew we needed to be friends when I heard about that and saw that because I am a water girl.
Yeah.
And it just makes my heart happy and tells people like I can almost drive over the causeway into the beach and turn around and go home.
Like it just calms my soul so quickly. And you know what? We don't need all that space.
I know you just if you have the space you fill it up.
Exactly.
You don't have it. You don't have it.
Kind of like a purse. The bigger the purse, the more crap you carry around.
That's absolutely true.
All right. So let's talk about courage. What does courage mean to you?
Courage is doing things that scare you. In the book I call that living out loud.
I don't think if unless we are scared sometimes that we're not living our best life.
Right.
So it's that fear of ending a relationship, changing a job, making a decision that's big or saying yes to something that you are scared of.
So all of that is courage.
Absolutely. I totally agree. And you know I love the name of your book. Choose.
Dare to choose.
Dare to choose happy. Like and it is a choice.
And it is.
You have to choose. And living out loud and living our life. I think if anything the last three years taught us is you know we need to live our life.
Yeah.
And it doesn't come naturally and it doesn't come without fear.
Yeah.
And it's not like you're doing those things.
You know.
I think for me, happiness was this feeling that you had on hallmark moments like graduations and birthdays or whatever Christmas morning.
But I didn't understand that I could choose it.
Right.
That I could say what it is that makes me happy and then make sure I put that in my day.
Yeah. Love that.
And I think the title or the subject part of the book is intuition, clarity, priority and truth. Get what you want with grace and ease.
And I love that.
And so many things I'm not even through the book yet.
So many things that's already taught me.
So let's talk about courageous things you've done.
Obviously writing a book, but I think there was a path and there was you know moving to the water.
There was a path of your life that's not the courageous thing.
And I think we can talk about some of the key courageous things to be able to share with audience and do people hope and be able to say me too.
Yeah.
You know, one of the scariest things that I ever did and it absolutely changed my life was walking into the head of economic development for the state of Mississippi and saying, I would like you to choose me to run tourism for the state.
I was petrified. I practically I could was so sick I couldn't even I'm just crazy because you're afraid that they're going to laugh at you. You're afraid that they think it's outrageous and they would never consider you.
And three weeks later I got a call from the governor asking me to do that.
I had a friend that encouraged me that gave me the kind of the place that I needed to say that I could do it because I probably I didn't believe I really could step up to that bigger job.
But three weeks later the governor called and said would you be my director of tourism.
And that was one of the biggest living out loud moments and really when I look back what did I have to lose that I didn't get it.
I had never asked I they would not have considered me if I had not gone in and said pick me.
Right.
Well and you know, and I just give me an aha I always used to do in the podcast the connection to my dad at the end.
Yeah.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to say that in a while. But my one thing my father taught me is at the worst.
No and I think I have a memory of being a kid and when they have a sleeper with your friend and you tell us to your friend about it.
I think no way and there it can happen. I know you you quoted or reference Marie Foley Foley and her book.
Everything is figure out figure out.
And I think that's how my dad lived is like there was not a problem. He could not figure out or solve like like OK we'll figure this out.
Yeah.
I don't know but we'll figure it out and doing those things that you know we're afraid to like what's the worst that can happen.
They said no and you're no further off and I hate this podcast has evolved a lot to women's subjects and talking about things that women tackle.
And I think if you were a man you would not have ever questioned whether you should apply.
I agree.
And I know my sister was looking for a job last year.
I don't know if I'm qualified. I'm like my brain always said you know what I'm not qualified. I'll learn it.
Yeah.
I'm one of these like fighters like let's figure it out. I think I definitely got that from my father.
You know there was a there was a study done that said that men if they have 50 percent of the qualifications they'll go for a job.
Women want to have 90 or 125.
Yeah.
They don't want to take the risk that they that they're not able to do it. I think in so many cases we are the ones in our own way of having our best.
And I think that's really the message I want to share with why not say is just do the thing. Ask people do it.
I mean we do these things work and you know what it's not the end of the world.
And like you just said the things that we do that are the most fearful are the ones that change our lives.
So let's talk about how it changed your life and what other things you've done.
Well it changed my life in that I was in a very public prominent position.
So for me at 39 years old it was it was bigger than anything I had thought of.
But then four years later I got asked to be the tourism director for the state of Louisiana because of my visibility as the tourism director of Mississippi.
So that would have never happened.
Right.
Opportunity.
And I was the tourism director through Katrina which can't even tell you all the things you learn and you had to go through and do that.
But after Katrina I think in 2006 I think a lot of people particularly down here started questioning am I doing what I want to be doing.
Is this it.
You know and I was state government.
There's some perks to that but there are also politics and all kinds of other stuff.
So I made the decision then to leave and to start Darieny.
And it's called Darieny because I didn't know what I was going to do.
I just knew that I was the one doing it and that was unique enough that people would remember that.
Yeah.
And I think too is I think we've come back to that point.
I think in my lifetime things like Katrina September 11.
Yeah.
And then and then recently COVID so many people I've talked to are just like all right what's next.
And I don't know because the age I am and the people that I'm surrounded with are like the over 40 crowd hitting 50s.
Like OK now what people I think are better than like yeah what do I want to do next.
And this is not all.
Well and I think for me I had those feelings in the middle of the night like OK God is this it.
Am I supposed to be doing something else.
And then I would immediately shut that down because I felt guilty that I had all this stuff that the outside world would say success that I was successful.
But I wasn't happy.
Well and that's the key.
I mean how many people go to work all the time and aren't happy.
I heard something my niece did the other day.
The Sunday scary.
I'm like yeah heard of the Sunday scary.
And it's people's dreading Sunday.
I mean I love Monday's because I work for myself.
My Mondays are structured the way I want them to be.
Me too.
And so many people they don't I think I've shared on this before there was a young girl that just graduated college and had her first job and she hated it.
I'm like well get a new job.
She's like you're not supposed to like your job because her parents always did was work to retire.
And I'm like no you can like your job and that just broke my heart and gave me even more conviction to help women and help people to say OK let's do.
I mean let's be happy.
Yeah.
We're not promised tomorrow.
Well and I think through the coaching that I do now I work with men and women but 80 percent of my clients are women and they're smart and they're talented and they have big jobs and they are also scared to death that they're going to drop a ball or they're not enough or they're not doing enough.
So that's really what propelled me to write the book because I thought all of those feelings were just me.
And then I figured out that everybody has some peace.
No.
I know when I quit my job.
I was 24 years ago people are like what do you do about insurance or are you sure you can do this.
I'm like you know what I know that I can make it work.
I can do it.
I interviewed somebody a couple months ago who had a big corporate job and got cancer twice and sick because of the stress.
And she's like no no more like let's we need to choose us.
We are we have been raised that we eat last.
Yep.
Right.
We got to feed everybody.
We've got to make sure everybody's OK.
And I just I think that paradigm is wrong.
Absolutely.
And we can't get from it.
And you know the other world I swim in and live in is as the sales director was Mary Kay.
And there are times that I'm almost not mean but fighting women to say you deserve one hour like one hour of pampering.
I do a spa session and it's so hard to get women to take one hour for themselves.
I'm like it's necessary.
We need to fill our cups because we don't fill our cups.
It's really hard to build somebody else.
Yeah.
I do weekend retreats here in Ocean Springs which is just a beautiful small town.
And I have a lot of women.
I would like to do it but I can't take a whole weekend away from my family or I'd like to do it but I hate to spend that kind of money on me and all of those things that get in the way.
And then when the women come and they spend two days just resetting refocusing what matters to you.
Not what matters to your partner or your children or all the other people in your life.
What do you really want.
And that's what those retreats do.
So I have people that come back every year now.
They want to buy.
Oops.
My picture just went out.
I still see you.
Okay.
So you look beautiful.
You know that's so true.
We got to fill our cup and I started several years ago I did something with my business.
I took a every month I did something to escape and then January of 2019 I started up like hold my toes in the sand to our.
And every month I went to the beach or some water somewhere because you know as you know when you work for yourself it starts hard to stop.
We don't have like a hard stop.
I had a friend the other day who works in the school system and she said the other night her and her daughter were like at five o'clock like what are we going to do for the next five hours.
I have never ever had that thought in my life.
I love that.
I love the toes in the sand to her.
So I started doing that and of course COVID happened and then I was able to kind of give it travel more.
But I found that I need to get away and fill my cup just getting in the car and making a few phone calls or listening to a podcast or just getting quiet.
You know going for a walk without a little buzz and just figure out what we want.
And I know your book has lots of great exercises.
I admit it that I haven't really done all of them.
But I want to take time with going through the exercises in there and just.
I think one of the things you shared which I wrote down in front of me.
But here it is.
Here's on my piece of paper I wrote down the other night when I was going to bed.
It says every morning starts with what do I need to focus on today.
What do I need today.
What am I grateful for and how do I feel today.
And just resetting ourselves because one thing I have found recently and I know it's probably going on forever.
But life is hard.
There's a lot of hard stuff and a lot of women and people I know are just suffering.
Yeah.
And I don't you know I'm not Polly Anna in that everybody should be happy every day.
Like I'm not into covering up uncomfortable feelings.
But I do think that what you focus on expands and when you can see a glimmer of what's working in your life as opposed to all the things that are messed up.
You see more of those little glimmers.
And we always say you know things have bad things happen in three.
But good things happen in thousands.
One of the things you shared that I read last night is your mother passed away when you were very young.
And you your perspective shift.
You're like OK I can be really upset that my mother passed away at 22 or be grateful that I had 22 years with your mother.
Yeah.
And you know I think that's part perspective is a really huge part of happiness because I can say stuck and I can tell you a sad story and make you feel like you're going to be really upset.
And I can tell you a sad story and make you feel sorry for me.
But what if I really accomplished with that.
My mother passed away when I was 22 and it was sad and tragic and there are many things that I missed out on.
But at the same time if another true statement is I am blessed that I had her for 22 years.
And I can choose which perspective works for me.
And some people may have had their mother their whole life and I've not been a good thing.
Right.
I don't know.
So yeah it's definitely perspective.
So all right.
So you started your business.
What was your business like to do.
You said you didn't know you just gave it a name.
I didn't know but I started out doing tourism consulting because I had been in the tourism industry for about 30 years at that point.
And about four or five years then I went to school to be a coach.
I went back to to get a certificate of degree in coaching.
And I love it.
I love the opportunity now to help women and like I say I do have some men just do their lives and work a little bit better.
Right.
Just somebody to talk to that is that non judgmental not involved in any of the people or the stories.
You know I'm on the outside and I don't it's not really for me to give you advice.
It's just to say what's your next right step.
What do you need to do next and I think that that's really powerful for people is to have that in their lives.
I think I mean coaching changed it transformed what I do every day and where I live.
So it was very powerful.
You would work with a coach that helped you design your life that you wanted.
I did.
She asked me some hard questions like what are you good at.
What lights you up.
Where do you want to live.
And I did.
I just I was doing the list.
I was just doing the list today.
Yeah.
Checking it off.
And yeah.
Success was getting through every email and finishing your to do list.
Yeah.
And that's what kind of life is not really success right now.
It is not and we all start chasing success and climbing that ladder and then you get to the top of the ladder.
It's like it's even what I want and what I enjoy.
Yeah.
What you just joined as you said what lights you up and when you talk to someone and you ask them about themselves and you can see what's giving them joy and excitement.
And you know I love the coaching profession and I have been coached and have coached people through Mary Kay for years.
Yeah.
And I think a great sign of a good coach is that self awareness.
Like when I talk to my someone that enters and coaches me and I've been able to identify and figure it out of my own.
And that.
Yeah.
Because I mean if you come to me and say you want to lose 10 pounds I can tell you all look like the same thing I would say to myself here are all the things you need to do.
But what's most important is what do you think you need to do.
And what are you committed to do.
And what are you willing to do.
Not what I think.
Right.
You know and then it's an accountability piece in coaching as well which is did you do it.
Yeah.
And one of the things I'm not very good at is being told what to do.
Even from my side.
Yeah.
Fight a calendar that somebody has.
So when you were going to tell me as a coach you have to do this this this this.
Oh yeah.
Sure.
And I will not do this business but it's my own idea.
Then you'll then you'll do it.
Right.
Exactly.
So so your business is evolved to a coaching business and retreat and speaking and the book.
Okay.
And the retreats which sound very intriguing and interesting but they're in the Mississippi area.
Yeah.
They are.
Okay.
There are.
I do to a year down my Mississippi.
I know I have people that fly in for it from Colorado and all over the sat all over.
Do you do anything with the book as far as I did a book tour.
Maybe.
Yeah.
I've certainly done more speaking than I normally did because people were interested in the
in the content of the book.
And I did a book tour and went around and you know touted my book trying to sell to you.
One of the ideas that I want to go forward with this podcast is to have a membership group
for people and invite speakers to do more of a book club and dive deeper in Q&A with.
Yeah.
So I've spoken to several authors.
So I think that's definitely something we're going to add in.
That would be right.
So anything else you want to share about.
You know, I want to give people anybody that's listening just a real practical thing to do.
Okay.
So the choosing happy is make a list of the things that make you happy.
It could be your first cup of coffee.
It could be sitting on your back porch.
It's usually not when I was in Rome or when I you know it's not it's not usually not that
it's when I talk to my daughter on the phone when my kitchen is clean when I have a candle
burning like just make a list when I see my friends and then keep it and look at it and
say, okay, what of that can I do this week?
Sunday afternoon, Monday morning, you say, okay, there's my happy list.
What can I add into my schedule?
You know, I've done that not on a daily basis, but I've tried to do during the holidays because
we get so wrapped up and a friend of mine that I had on the podcast actually wrote a book
called Jingle and Joy.
And it talks about we get so wrapped up in the jingle.
We don't forget to join.
So where I live, there's like a little downtown area, which is beautiful.
And they've got ice skating, all these things, but you run in and out shopping your quick.
And so several years ago, I decided to be intentional about enjoying the holidays and
every day from December 1st for Christmas, I would do something that made me happy.
So, you know, it's go around and look at Christmas lights or chocolate or call a friend or
send a card, but just a small intentional thing makes a difference.
You know, I heard a psychologist say that we are guaranteed pain and suffering.
And unfortunately, I think that's true.
We're going to have some stuff, right?
We are not guaranteed happiness.
No, we can go through this whole life in big miserable.
And a lot of people are.
And they are or they can choose different.
That's why I choose, I think is an important part of that title is you can choose to do this differently.
Yep.
And I think that's such a key word.
The other thing that you talked about in the book, which is something I'm a huge proponent
on and actually did a podcast episode about is the one word.
Yeah.
Instead of having your New Year's resolution, which is the word.
And so my word this year was space and it is lived out.
So some ways I didn't want it to, but yeah.
But yeah.
Yeah, I've been doing a word of the year for about, I don't know, seven or eight years, but my word this year is enough.
I think I'm enough.
That is great.
Yeah.
The episode with Charlene Weillett to wrote a book is that I am enough.
That's great.
Yeah.
The podcast to become my own therapy sessions, I think, and you know, interviewing the people I want to hear about that are going to help me.
Sure.
So, yeah.
Yeah. And I did mention, I think to you that in January, we do a painting event where we paint a canvas with our word.
So have you joined?
I would love to do.
In fact, I might steal that from my retreat because you told me about that.
Absolutely.
And we did it for a Mary Kay retreat one time.
We had got paints and everything and everybody did their one word and it's so powerful.
My son in my bathroom and I write it in one of my devotionals every year of my work.
Yeah.
There's a company that I go to called myintent.com and you can order your word on a little bracelet.
You know what?
I saw that and circled that on the book and I think I want to do that.
Yeah.
I mean, they're not expensive at all, but I really enjoy having that because six months in, I'm going, what was my word?
Like, you know, I've done the stuff, but I want to be one.
I actually go take it one step further.
I have my word.
I have my graphics first and make it fun and pretty for me.
And then I printed out like a photo, like a square photo and it's all over my house.
So it reminds me of it.
That's great.
So it's a good idea.
So what would you say to encourage somebody else to be creative?
Well, first step is listening to your intuition and it's getting quiet, getting a notebook and just doing some free writing of what is my soul want me to know?
What does my soul want me to know?
And cut out the noise and just start being aware of when you don't speak up for yourself when you say, okay, Mexicans fine, but you don't want it.
You know, we go there for the holidays, but you don't want to like it's time to just say that's that's not what I want.
It's time to ask for what you want.
Yep, I so agree.
So, so true.
So go back to what I mentioned in the middle, which I've been forgetting to do is connections to my dad.
That I think the big one was that you shared like just ask, you know, what's the first thing somebody can say is no.
And he actually was a city planner and worked with a lot of economic development groups.
So tie in there too.
We probably would have known each other somewhere back there.
Yeah, well, this has been awesome and I love your stories and I can't wait to see you.
And so if people want to connect with you, what's the best way for them to connect with you?
Darian Inc.com is my website.
The book is on Amazon and also Barnes and Noble online and I think Walmart, but you can't go there.
You can't go in Barnes and Noble and buy it, but it's online.
But Amazon is probably the easiest.
If you want to say it, I love bookstores and I love touching and feeling.
Me too.
And we are brought into a new clothes and it reopened recently and I went in there and I found a book that I wanted and touched and felt it.
It was just I had to have it and it was $34 and 18 on Amazon.
Yeah, I know.
It's like, okay, if it was a small bookstore, maybe I would have flers, but I'm like so much easier.
I hate to say it, but yeah.
So yeah, I'm glad it's your book.
Dare to Choose Happy is the book.
Well, I'm going to finish reading it and I'm going to encourage everybody else to.
And I'll share all your contact information on ShowGhosts because I'm sure you're on Instagram and Facebook and all those things.
Yes, I am.
I'll get you all that.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
So and for those listening, obviously we're on Instagram.
We are on Instagram and Facebook and LinkedIn.
I'm trying to do more there.
We also have a website.
You can get swag for our t-shirts or cups or vinyls just to say why not today and encourage somebody else.
I've also started inspirational posts that I can text people every day to start your day passing.
So if anybody's interested in wanting to know more, let me know.
So again, Darian, thank you so much.
Thank you.
And connect and we'll definitely stay connected.
So make sure anybody that watches or listens to the podcast that read us review us share with your friends.
And don't forget, say why not today?