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Welcome back to Questions You Didn't Ask. I'm
Nyesha Frey, joined again by wellness entrepreneur
Charles Chambers. As we continue our series,
Trippin, Black Men, Land and Liberation. Let's
pick up where we left off. You were talking about
how, you know, Black men and you in particular
kind of get caught up in the suffering as normal
and how being productive is what's more important
than your health and your wellness. For sure.
One of the things that I was hearing, too, that
I've been hearing in our conversation are two
things. The challenges of apathy, as well as
the resistance to vulnerability. You know, I
get very concerned about apathy in our community,
in our society. But then when we think about
health, wellness, sobriety, and our beloved Black
men and brothers, sons. nephews, uncles, fathers.
I'm concerned about that as well. When you think
about the idea of people kind of giving up and
being resigned to things being bad, especially
among Black men, how does that impact health
and wellness, the journey toward health and wellness?
Well, I think a lot of our Black men are suffering
unnecessarily, you know, in our own little silos
doing our thing. Like I have a friend of mine
and I feel for him. His health is deteriorating.
And also whenever I try and help him, he doesn't
want it. And that, I think that's so typical
of us black men. He rejects it. He feels it.
He rejects it flat out without even consideration
of anything. No. don't need it and i think so
many of us are out here like that and so and
how does that come to be like how how do we arrive
at this thing especially when we black men have
so many um forces like fighting against us you
know and then for us to have this disposition
of you know i'm i'm gonna do this on my own you
know how did we get here i don't know But I've
jumped off that train. Now it's a thing of sharing
feelings, understanding myself. So what I try
and do for people is to show up and to say how
I do it. That's the best I can do. Yeah. Yeah.
Being an example, continuing to make yourself
available, but not sacrificing yourself. Right.
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's key. I also
heard, you know, in your discussion about putting
work first, right, and then health of self and
health of family and friends later. It also kind
of spoke to that functional alcoholism, right?
It also spoke to, you know, these capitalistic,
you know, ideals around, well, at least you're
working. At least you're making some money. At
least you contributed to society. At least you're
being a man. How does that resonate with you?
Yes, also familiar. Yes, yes. Yeah, we've got
to do better, men. There has to be a change.
Yeah, I hear that. You know, a lot of people
push back on this term of toxic masculinity because
they feel that it's an attack on men. And really
what it is, it's an attack on the ideal of what
a man is supposed to be that is unhealthy for
both the man himself and the people who love
him and the community that he lives and resides
in. The idea that a man is only valuable based
on the work that he produces and that his self
-worth is tied up in his work. I think you've
given a good example of how that is toxic. Absolutely.
Absolutely. And you were speaking of how this
capitalism plays into the effect of our community.
And even in terms of. Being a man in capitalism
forces us to define our ways if we believe in
that world, if that's where our mindset is. I
was fortunate enough to go through rites of passage
when I was in college, and that literally changed
my life completely. Because what it was, for
me, it was an introduction into traditions that
weren't... under this capitalistic type of brainwashing
or whatever. It was the teachings and learnings
that we went through were more about community
and tribal type of contributions and developing.
It was at a point when I was coming of age as
a man, so the timing was perfect. And then the
principles that were instilled through that.
experience was all about these positive things
that we're talking about today. There was a journey
inward through this rites of passage. They took
us back and then they brought us forward. And
we walked out of that situation as men. And I
believe that there's something like that, that
we need to have for our own youth coming of age,
that I think it needs to be this thing that has
a, that it needs to be a difficult thing in front
of a group of young men coming of age and these
guys going through it. There's something about
doing that as a group that pulls people together,
that builds community. Then also while we were
out there, your undivided attention is on this
whole process. we did it out in the forest the
rites of passage you i don't think you can do
it inside a city it needs to have that component
of separation being away from all the things
and then also the distractions that come along
with the city aren't there but some sort of rites
of passage for our youth where we can pass down
information from generation older generations
to younger generations to save them time. I believe
that these young people, they're making the same
mistakes that I did as a kid, where by having
these moments where I could communicate with
the younger generation and share with them things
that will shorten that path of going through
figuring stuff out. I'm also involved with a
group of people in Cleveland that's working towards
making that happen there with the men, not just
in the community, but even with my own family.
I've been working with the Rites of Passage.
I'm working on our men, Reynolds and the Reynolds
family, that we do this as a tradition, that
every kid that's coming of age, that we have
a thing for them to pass down information. If
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Yeah. And I think there's a lot to be said about
rights of passage for young folks, but especially
for young men and for older men. You know, there
is this experience. There's also some of the
perception that young folks don't listen to old
folks anymore or that. Young folks are aggressive
toward their elders or resist their elders. And
so there's something going on in our community
that we have to take hold of. And I think it
relates back to what you were saying before about,
you know, teaching our children and recognizing
that our federal government, especially and in
some cases, in a lot of cases, our state governments,
our local governments, counties. are not doing
the work that needs to be done to help prepare
our children for the world and for life and living,
right? And so there's preparing them for the
world and then there's preparing them for life
and living. Those are actually two different
things. And being able to recognize those things
and recognize that, yes, I'm a person who has
come to understand that wisdom is not learned,
it is earned. earned through experience. When
your elders can give you and curate an experience
that will help you, like you said, kind of fast
track some of that wisdom, then hopefully your
earning of that wisdom isn't so painful by the
world, right? You know, there is an idea that,
you know, when your parents discipline you, it
might feel harsh. It may even feel painful, but
your parents are going to discipline you in a
way, prayerfully, that is a lot less painful
and detrimental than what the world will do to
you, right? And so the idea that your parents
or your family or your village or your rites
of passage can facilitate that growth experience,
that that can be a lot less painful. Not necessarily
to say that it won't be challenging. It should
be challenging. But it'll be a lot less painful
than what will happen when you have to learn
through the world, right? Through what's out
there waiting for you and has no love or compassion
for you. And I think, you know, bringing in that
natural environment to be in the world, but not
of the world. Right. To understand your natural
connection and those higher powers that you can
tap into through wisdom and through skills that
might help you to facilitate growing your own
food, contributing to your community, investing
in your own cultural and community and village
economy, I think would be a lot more healthy.
Yes, yes, yes. Wow. Right. One more thing about
the rites of passage. So being out there in the
forest, one, these kids, it gets their attention,
especially at night, you know, because for a
lot of these kids, this is their first time away
from home without their mom. And so that big
and bad tough cat that's in the city on the streets
is different when we're out in the middle of
the forest, right? Mommy. Right. and out there
you have their undivided attention you know there's
no signal so the cell phones are useless and
there's a focus where you can't get otherwise
and then also what goes on there is really it's
an exploration in values it's where like in the
city the kids are picking up these different
values from a gazillion different places and
all of them aren't always good But they're being
out in the forest through this rites of passage.
When we have their undivided attention, we can
walk through these beliefs that they think they
have and offer them real values. Like in terms
of my family, like this is what Reynolds men
do. And this is what Reynolds men don't do. We
want to live a good life. So with having a setting
like that, I think would make a huge difference,
those rites of passage type of thing. We all
go through rites of passages. It's just, for
example, like when I went through Marine Corps,
that's a rites of passage. When you go through
college, it's a rites of passage. But I mean,
so when I say rites of passage, I mean one that's
deliberate, that's focused towards us as Black
men. So we were talking about strategies and
practices and things like that, especially related
to wellness among Black men. And I know I remember
from our previous conversations, you've really
talked about the power of breath. Breath is life
and breathing practices. Can you share more of
that with our audience? Sure, sure. So I practice
this routinely, breathing, taking a deep breath.
The thing is, I know what normal feels like.
And so I practice that when I feel myself not
feeling normal, nervous, fearful, I have this
thing with bridges or with any type of feeling.
The first thing I do, I remind myself to do is
to breathe. When we get in those situations where
the anxiety level is through the roof or there's
fear or anger, the first thing we do is we stop
breathing. I think about that type of feeling
coming on to me, and I remind myself to breathe.
What that does is as soon as you stop breathing,
it cuts off oxygen to the brain, and our decision
-making is deteriorating each second that we
don't. So breathing. what it does it's like this
huge shot of of energy so whatever's in front
of me i'm that breath uh is everything one it
gives me a split second to think about things
whatever it is in a more rational term with that
shot of energy from the oxygen it's like okay
well it's not really that bad and with just that
instant to take me out of whatever that was,
that's enough for me to talk myself back into
something where I could deal with the situation
better. But the breathing is the key. And then
practicing so that in that moment, I remember
to do that. Yeah. Breath is life. And it also
helps us to think and get centered back. to where
we are and being present and being present and
mindful is key to our health and wellness, isn't
it? Yes. Yes. Awesome. Thank you so much for
sharing all that. You know, I think the last
major question that I have for you and our discussion
today will be how can people. connect with you
how can people work with you how can people pour
into um and experience these these amazing things
that you you know you've been talking about good
question so one i would ask everyone to google
the fat cat if you google this that helps me
because and then click on my site or my social
network it tells the crawlers the the algorithms
that the fat cat is This is important because
a lot of people are clicking on this after they
Google the fat cat. So just by doing that, that's
one. And sharing, following on my social network.
And again, if you search on Facebook, Instagram,
Facebook is the fat cat. And on Instagram is
the fat cat underscore life. I do my best to
post this. often as I can. And basically I'm
talking about where I'm at and how I eat, how
I sleep, and just to kind of have you follow
along with me on my trip. Commenting is always
good, the engagement, but also sponsorship. And
I'm also looking for to collaborate. with individuals
if this uh sort of touches on what you're interested
in please feel free to reach out to me you could
uh on the contact page of the website you could
always fill that out just put in your email and
hey let's talk and um that's how we could do
it but outside of that it's really you doing
your own thing and sharing with with other people
connecting with other people Great. Great. And
just for those who might not have been able to
see the awesome T -shirt that has his really
cool logo on it. It is the T -H -E fat P -H -A
-T, not the F -A -T, but the P -H -A -T. There
goes another one. Cat, C -A -T. So you want to
look up the fat cat. And that is our wonderful
guest, wonderful and gracious guest, Charles
Chambers. Thank you so much. Thank you for having
me. I appreciate it. I really do. Yes, yes, yes.
Well, we appreciate you and thank you for joining
us. We'll be back with questions you didn't ask.