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Man, Cedar Point Recovery, you guys doing good?

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I'm grateful for you guys.

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I'm grateful that you're here.

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And in case you're wondering, if you've

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been journeying with us a while, you'll

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notice that we're kind of starting things off

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a little differently.

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And that's because we're kicking off a campaign.

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It's called Ask Me About My Recovery.

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And so every week, we want to open up

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with just a different video where somebody gets to share

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just a short testimonial about why they come here.

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And if you're sitting out there and you're like, well,

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is Ask Me About My Recovery a thing?

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It is now.

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I like to create.

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And so it's something that I just thought would be good for us.

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And there's some things that we want

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to keep in front of ourselves throughout this month.

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And it's this.

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First, the importance of sharing our stories.

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And we're going to be starting with mine here just a little bit

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because I just want full transparency.

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As I lead this ministry, some of you

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have gotten bits and pieces of it over the years.

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Some of you in here, you've known me for far too long.

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And so you have way too much of my story.

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We won't be going that far into it tonight.

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But I do.

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As we lead, we have a responsibility

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to be transparent about what God's done in us.

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I love this verse.

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1 Peter 3.15 says this.

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Instead, you must worship Christ as your Lord.

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And if someone asks about your hope as a believer,

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always be ready to explain it.

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And our testimonies are that.

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It's our hope as a believer, that as we share our stories,

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it's truly why I'm a Christ follower,

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why I'm a Jesus follower, why I'm bought in, why I believe,

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why I'm a part of this church, why I'm a part of this ministry.

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It's my testimony.

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And it's important that we share those things.

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Second, the importance of being open and honest about where

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you're at in your journey.

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We're all in different places.

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We're all in different seasons.

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And as we push, ask me about my recovery,

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oftentimes we want to be withdrawn, especially

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when we're struggling.

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And we want to break that stigma.

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We don't want to let people know that we still

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need help throughout the week.

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Or there's still times where we're struggling.

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And what we really want to push past, whether it's addiction,

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whether it's self-hatred, self-harm, or anything

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that you struggle with, at any point in time,

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what we want you to know that this is a safe place.

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And it's OK to share where you're at.

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No matter who you are, no matter what position

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or what title you have, and we want

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to begin to push past that stigma.

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Third, we want to push the power of invitation.

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That this room right here is so full because of invitations.

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People were invited here to be a part of this ministry.

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Cedar Point Recovery has grown to one of the largest recovery

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ministries in this part of Oklahoma

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because you invited somebody, because you

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shared our messages.

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And so we're going to continue to push that

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throughout this next month.

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We've got invite cards for you out on the table.

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Take those.

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Those are a gift.

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Take them, but give them out.

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Hand them out to somebody, whether it's a stranger,

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a family member, whoever it is.

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It's just a great way to say, man,

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there's something going on on Monday night.

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I want you to be a part of it.

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We've got some vehicle decals for you.

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And then there's a backdrop.

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We've got a great new backdrop.

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We've got some signs for you guys to hold.

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Take a picture.

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Let people know that you're here,

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that you're a part of something, that God's moving here,

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and share it, and invite people to be a part of it.

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And then lastly, that we never lose sight of the fact

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that we exist for the lost.

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That is, we talk about, ask me about my recovery.

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We exist.

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This ministry exists.

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The church exists for people who are lost and broken.

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And unfortunately, we're going to journey that way

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until the day that Christ Jesus comes back.

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And so we exist to lift each other up,

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to encourage one another, to have each other's back,

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to see people through this week and the next

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and the journey with them.

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That's why we're here.

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And so we're going to be pushing this really heavy

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over the next month.

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And so again, we're starting off with this testimony.

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And then I just want to share with you guys

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for the rest of the month about why this is so important

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and why we're here and why we're doing this.

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Well, you guys ready to get started?

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I want to pray.

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Father God, we just thank you, Lord,

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just for this time, this opportunity to come together, God.

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And Lord, I'm grateful that I'm alive to share my story.

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God, I'm grateful that you've done a work in me, Father,

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that though I was unqualified, Lord, that you picked me up.

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Lord, that you qualified, you called me

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to be a part of this, Lord.

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And I'm grateful to share that story.

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God, I pray that as I'm up here,

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that you would just do a work in people's hearts

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and their minds, God, that you would soften them,

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that you would open them up

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just to what you have for them, Lord.

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And we're grateful for all that you do, Lord.

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And we pray this in Jesus' name.

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Everybody say amen and amen.

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Well, if you've never met me,

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you haven't had the opportunity to meet me,

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my name is Aaron and I'm one of the pastors here

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at Cedar Point Church.

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And I'm grateful to be a part of it.

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And as I've stepped into this role,

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which was a little over a year ago,

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I think 14 months ago,

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some people asked, you know, how'd you get here?

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Where'd you go to seminary?

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That's always my favorite question,

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which I try to, you know, restrain from laughing at.

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Not that there's anything wrong with it,

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that's just not my story.

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And so I'm grateful to be a part of this.

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And because I've had so many people kind of push me

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and push me and push me,

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you need to share, you need to share.

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So here we are.

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It's been incredibly uncomfortable to self promote

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in such a way for me, not really.

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But,

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but it is, it is one of those things.

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It was time, it was time just to kind of kick off.

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And I know bits and pieces of my story

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has been out there for a while.

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People have got to hear it and piece it together.

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And so I just want to lay it all out there for everyone.

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And so I am grateful just to share with you guys.

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And if you're not here on a regular basis,

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may come back next week too.

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We do messages and it's another church service for the week.

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And it's a great thing to be a part of.

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And it's a great ministry that God's given us.

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And so we hope that I don't scare you away with my story.

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I hope that you guys enjoy it,

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but I'm grateful again that you guys are here.

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But like I said, my name's Aaron

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and I have my wife up here, Janelle.

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And if you didn't know this, we have a lot of kids.

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I've actually brought a picture of my family

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in case you've never seen them before possibly.

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I have, I have six kids, maybe there we go.

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So I have six kids that God's blessed me with.

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And you can see that I've done an excellent job

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of keeping them all alive as they've outgrown me.

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And so that's just pretty phenomenal.

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And so the great thing about six kids is,

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I can lose at least two and still have like a good average.

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That's like success.

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And so I like that.

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That's the trick.

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You just gotta have enough that you can make some mistakes

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and still turn out good.

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And I'm confident out of the six of them,

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at least one of them will possibly care for my wife and I

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in our old age.

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But I love them.

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I love them.

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I love this picture, even though you really can't tell

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that I'm smiling, I am.

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And I'm really happy here.

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And I love pictures because, man,

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it just captures a moment, doesn't it?

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And this moment, this is my sister's,

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my older sister, she'd gotten remarried

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and this is just a great moment.

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And so some things that you can't tell in this picture

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is all the work that it took to wrangle these stray cats

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and get them in line to all look at the camera

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and have a picture.

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And so pictures don't always capture everything.

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Well, for instance, that's a man that's incredibly blessed.

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That's a man that a few short years ago

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wasn't sure where he would be in life,

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what direction he was going.

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That was a man a few short years ago

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whose family was incomplete, who was lost and broken

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and was a shell of a person who was completely,

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completely without direction in his life.

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And so that is a man that's experienced

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just the fullness of God's grace and God's mercy

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and God's redemption.

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And it's one of those things that when I look at that picture,

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it does say it brings tears to my eyes,

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that it breaks my heart to know that out of all the things

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that I've done, all the things that I've been through,

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that God could be that good, that good,

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to give me such a great life.

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And so you see for a long time, I wasn't in church.

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I wasn't raised in church.

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I wasn't a part of this atmosphere.

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This is not where my story began.

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For a long time, I tried to write my own story

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and I tried to take care of my own brokenness on my own.

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I tried to lift myself up with my own strength

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and I didn't find out for many years

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just how incredibly insufficient that was.

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And to really grasp my story,

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you've got to go back into the beginning.

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And I was born in 1986.

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That's one of the things that's wrong with me.

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I was born in the 80s and so those were a mess.

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I was a middle child of five.

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That's the rest of what's wrong with me.

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I have all the stereotypical middle child syndromes.

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I like attention.

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I'm always right.

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You know, those types of things.

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And nobody loved me.

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I don't know how those things work,

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but you know, I was just in this family.

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And so I brought some pictures from my childhood too.

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I'm gonna share those with you guys.

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And so this is me just as a kid.

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I don't know what my parents were thinking

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with some of the shirt choices there.

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It was the 80s, okay?

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It was the 80s, it was.

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It was the 80s.

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Did you say bring it back?

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No, don't bring it back.

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It was this awful, awful, awful time.

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But I was, man.

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I was born to a pretty typical family.

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A pretty typical family.

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We were middle class to lower middle class.

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We didn't have a lot.

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I grew up in Catoosa, Oklahoma.

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And like I said, I was a middle child.

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My family, they were good.

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There was no drugs or alcohol.

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They endeavored to do the right thing.

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But they were young parents when they started.

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And they never really got their feet underneath them

261
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,900
as far as raising us.

262
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:08,560
And managing five kids, which as an adult,

263
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,000
I know what a task that can be.

264
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,720
And so I understand and I sympathize.

265
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,480
And so things were a bit chaotic.

266
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,440
And things went awry from time to time.

267
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,180
But as I look at this picture, again,

268
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:22,480
pictures don't capture everything.

269
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:23,960
That kid, he looks pretty happy.

270
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,080
The kid's smiling.

271
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,680
But what that picture doesn't capture

272
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,540
is that kid's got a secret.

273
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,980
That kid, for a long time,

274
00:09:32,980 --> 00:09:36,040
actually had been abused sexually.

275
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,360
And I'd had my trust betrayed by somebody

276
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,120
who was incredibly close to me.

277
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,120
And somebody who should have been there for me.

278
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,920
Somebody who should have protected me.

279
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,400
Somebody who should have had my back.

280
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,960
And instead, the exact opposite was true.

281
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,480
And that kid right there put on a smile

282
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:52,480
on his face every day.

283
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,200
And he went out and he played with friends.

284
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,420
And he pretended like everything was okay.

285
00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:58,800
And on the inside, that kid was shattered.

286
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,240
That kid was broken.

287
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,560
That kid was dying.

288
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,960
There was a battle raging on the inside.

289
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,040
That kid had lost all direction.

290
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,400
That kid had lost all value.

291
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,880
And all I could do was act crazy,

292
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,320
put a smile on my face.

293
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,520
And act crazy, and put a smile on my face.

294
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:15,420
Day in and day out.

295
00:10:15,420 --> 00:10:16,400
And I struggled.

296
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,600
Day in and day out.

297
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,800
And quickly, I began to lash out.

298
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:20,760
And I began to act different.

299
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,200
I was a great student.

300
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,880
But I was angry.

301
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,640
I began to vandalize things in our neighborhood.

302
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,800
I began to shoplift at a grocery store that was close by.

303
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,280
I would break into abandoned houses.

304
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:32,240
I would tear things up.

305
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,080
I would just do whatever I could

306
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,520
just to get rid of some of that rage,

307
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,000
to get rid of some of that anger.

308
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,480
And the last thing that I wanted to do,

309
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,280
which the first thing I should have done,

310
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:42,240
was tell somebody.

311
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,760
And so I kept it on the inside.

312
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:44,700
And I bottled it up.

313
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:45,760
And I bottled it up.

314
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,840
And I let it eat at the inside of me.

315
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,120
It was like a cancer day in and day out

316
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:53,160
as I struggled with this and as it went on for years.

317
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,120
But eventually, I got some light.

318
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,480
Just a little glimmer through the clouds.

319
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,280
And my family circumstances began to change.

320
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:04,160
And due to some changes with my mom's work, we moved.

321
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,840
And it was difficult.

322
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,240
I'd been a part of the same community.

323
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,400
I'd lived in the same neighborhood practically my whole life.

324
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,000
I had the same friends.

325
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,720
There was security in that,

326
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,240
even though there was a lot of brokenness in that.

327
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,960
But it was comfortable.

328
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,360
And so we began to move.

329
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,840
And one of the best things that came about from that move

330
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,280
was the fact that the abuse ended.

331
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:27,360
So around 10, we moved from Rolling Hills in Catoosa.

332
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,320
We moved right outside of Muskogee

333
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,160
to a little community called Hildale.

334
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:35,880
And there, that angry, that hurting,

335
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:40,000
that lost boy continued to be angry, hurting and lost,

336
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,480
except now I was more alone than ever.

337
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,720
I'd lost all my friends.

338
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,240
I'd lost everything that was comfortable in my life,

339
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,840
everything that was familiar.

340
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,520
And so there I was again without direction.

341
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,200
I didn't know what to do.

342
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,800
And we spent just a few years in this community.

343
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:58,360
And I began to further go down this path

344
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,640
that I wasn't quite sure where it was leading.

345
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,800
I pushed the envelope more.

346
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,440
I began to bully people around me.

347
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:05,160
I was angry.

348
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,720
I started stealing more.

349
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:07,880
I started lying more.

350
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,480
I started manipulating more.

351
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,560
I kept my grades up.

352
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,280
So my parents thought everything was great.

353
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,000
It's like, what honor students is doing the things

354
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,160
that I was starting to get into?

355
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,680
When the teachers would praise me,

356
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,720
but everyone around me could begin

357
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,720
to see these breaks of the things on the inside that

358
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,760
were hidden, the darkness that was beginning just

359
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:27,520
to break through.

360
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,760
And so we spent a couple of years there.

361
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,560
And then my family's dynamic just began to shatter.

362
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,880
My mom had lost the job that brought us there.

363
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,920
And so for the few years where we

364
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,720
had this comfortableness about our finances

365
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,640
and things began to look different,

366
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,120
in that aspect, that was taken away.

367
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,000
And my family was depressed.

368
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,120
They were kind of shell shocked.

369
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:54,160
And we found ourselves coming back to Katusa.

370
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,240
And so as we come back, I was excited.

371
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:01,120
I had this excitement about me because we're going home.

372
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,760
Home is comfortable.

373
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,160
My heart was there.

374
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,360
My friends were there.

375
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,360
The things I were familiar with was there.

376
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,560
And I didn't realize, though, that the two years

377
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,280
that we were gone, just the amount of damage

378
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,600
that that secret had done to me, the amount of change

379
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,760
that had taken place in my life, the amount of innocence

380
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:20,680
that I'd lost.

381
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,760
And so as we began to come back, at this time,

382
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,440
I'm starting to become a teenager.

383
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:26,720
I'm 11 or 12.

384
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,520
And as we're coming back, and I'm excited,

385
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,640
I begin to interact with people I used to know.

386
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,360
And I was like a stranger.

387
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,160
I tried to hang out with people that I was hanging out with.

388
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,640
And we were into different things.

389
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,480
And I'd push the envelope far past them.

390
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,560
I was in a different place.

391
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:43,920
I was in a different season.

392
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,080
Instead of coming home and having

393
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,440
this comfortableness about me, instead of being welcomed

394
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,640
with open arms, I felt more alone than ever.

395
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,200
I felt more lost than ever.

396
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,000
I felt more abandoned than ever.

397
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,600
I felt more angry than ever.

398
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,120
And I began to eat every lie that the enemy told me,

399
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,120
every lie that the enemy told me that I would never

400
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,040
be good enough, that I would never be loved,

401
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:07,320
that I couldn't make it, all of these things.

402
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,600
And I just began to eat them up and eat them up and eat them

403
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,440
up.

404
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,720
And so that first year that we were back here,

405
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,880
I made a decision that would alter my life forever.

406
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,560
And oddly enough, the first time that I used,

407
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,960
I actually sought it out.

408
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,280
Again, my family, they didn't drink.

409
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,520
They didn't use.

410
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,560
They didn't do any of that.

411
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,480
My friends didn't.

412
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:27,640
I was back in the community.

413
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:28,560
I didn't know anybody.

414
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:32,000
And I began just to kind of search and seek.

415
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,040
I was like, something's going to take this pain away.

416
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,760
Something's going to make me feel OK.

417
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,280
Something's going to make me feel like I can fit in.

418
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:41,120
And so here I am, just about a 12-year-old boy.

419
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,840
And I began walking through this trailer park,

420
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:44,680
in this trailer park.

421
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,360
And I'm knocking on doors of where

422
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,440
I know sketchy teenagers live.

423
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,880
Weirdest thing.

424
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,440
I know, as crazy as it sounds, that's what I did.

425
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,600
And I was like, did you got any weed?

426
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,240
And after having the door shut in my face probably a dozen

427
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,600
times, I found somebody who did.

428
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,600
And I remember the first time that I did that,

429
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,720
I thought it was the greatest thing.

430
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:10,120
That in that moment, everything was taken away.

431
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,600
That I didn't care anymore.

432
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:12,880
That I was happy.

433
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:14,840
I remember laughing more than I'd ever laughed.

434
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,880
And it was just this thing that I thought was so great.

435
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,320
But as quickly as that feeling came upon me,

436
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,160
it left just as quickly.

437
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,320
And then I had to go back and seek again and search again.

438
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:31,360
And what began at that time was a cycle,

439
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,920
where I could never get back to that first moment.

440
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,120
I could never get back to that first high.

441
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,080
And I don't know about any of you,

442
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:42,400
but I'm a like, all pedal, no brakes kind of guy.

443
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,320
Like, man, drive it till the wheels fall off.

444
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:50,600
And so very quickly, I began to move from just marijuana

445
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,240
to prescription pills.

446
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,160
And so some of the first pills I used was amphetamines.

447
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,440
Used to treat ADHD.

448
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,440
And so within just a few month period,

449
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,760
I went from smoking some pot to taking some pills

450
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,160
and to taking some more pills and to drinking.

451
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,160
And so here's this teenage boy who's

452
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,080
beginning to get caught in this cycle.

453
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:12,640
And I'm going from honor student to I'm struggling in school.

454
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,360
I'm going to have everything in front of me

455
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:19,680
to darkness is closing in faster than I could ever expect.

456
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:26,360
And within a few short years, I went from taking a hit of weed

457
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,080
to lying in a hospital bed when I overdosed for the first time

458
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,000
when I was 15 years old.

459
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,640
You never set out to do that.

460
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,040
Anybody who's ever experienced that, it's never a goal.

461
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,880
It's never the end game.

462
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,280
And what had happened to me is, again,

463
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,040
just things were eating at me.

464
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,400
Things were hard.

465
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:46,720
I was struggling.

466
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:47,640
I was depressed.

467
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,280
I was sad.

468
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,280
I was lonely.

469
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,960
I could never get those feelings back.

470
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,640
I was using more and more and more.

471
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,680
And one night, I honestly can't remember

472
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,400
whether I was catching, chasing the next high

473
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,120
or whether I just had had enough.

474
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,160
I had used everything that I had.

475
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,040
And then I went and wiped out my parents' medicine cabinet

476
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:12,040
and ingested just basically everything that was in there.

477
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,720
And I had a friend with me that night.

478
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:15,440
He was partying.

479
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,680
He didn't partake in that.

480
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,920
But as I'm laying on the floor, having seizures

481
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,560
and hallucinating and dying, he was

482
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,080
trying to go to sleep real quiet so

483
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,640
that he didn't get in trouble.

484
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,080
But luckily, God had his hand just on the situation

485
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,000
that night.

486
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:36,400
And my older brother kind of heard some commotion

487
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,800
and his sense that something wasn't right.

488
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:43,480
And so he comes into my room as I'm dying in the floor.

489
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,000
And he wakes up my parents.

490
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,960
And my parents had been oblivious to everything

491
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,320
up until this point.

492
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,280
They never realized that I'd used anything.

493
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,740
They didn't know that I smoked.

494
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,560
They didn't know I did anything.

495
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,680
They didn't realize just the depth of the brokenness

496
00:17:58,680 --> 00:17:59,960
that I dealt with.

497
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:04,920
And so they come in to their 15-year-old son

498
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,800
dying in his bedroom floor.

499
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,680
And they rush me to the hospital in Tulsa.

500
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,200
And I don't remember what took place.

501
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,040
I don't remember that night.

502
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,000
I do know this.

503
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,640
I missed the 4th of July that year

504
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,480
because I remember being really ticked off.

505
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:22,040
I can't see.

506
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,040
I caught myself running.

507
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:27,480
Thank you.

508
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,800
I remember being really ticked off about that

509
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:35,360
and having a conversation with some doctors

510
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:39,880
about what had taken place and what had happened.

511
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:40,880
So there I am.

512
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,120
And even at this point, I'd been actually

513
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,000
in a coma for three days.

514
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,960
And so the hospital extent was medically induced just

515
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,840
for my health.

516
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,520
And so as I'm under there, and I'm coming out of that,

517
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,760
and everything's just a fog.

518
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,100
And I don't know what's taking place.

519
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,800
And they're asking me all these questions.

520
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:58,880
And what did you do?

521
00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,760
Why did you do this?

522
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,440
What's been going on?

523
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,080
And all I know to do is lie.

524
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,840
And I still don't want to share what the real problem is.

525
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,600
And so I'm just spitting stuff out there.

526
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:08,280
I was partying.

527
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,520
I took it too far.

528
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:10,280
I don't know.

529
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,520
I mean, I didn't know.

530
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,440
And so they took me from the hospital

531
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:17,120
to a treatment facility where I spent a few weeks in treatment.

532
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,720
And I continued to lie.

533
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,220
And I continued to push people away.

534
00:19:20,220 --> 00:19:22,080
And I didn't want to have anything to do with sobriety.

535
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,800
I didn't want to have anything to do with treatment.

536
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,400
I didn't want to talk about my feelings or color them

537
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,820
or whatever they wanted me to do.

538
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:29,600
I didn't want anything to do with that.

539
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:33,880
And so after they released me, they deemed me not

540
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,560
a threat to myself.

541
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,200
I remember I came home that day.

542
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,720
And what should have been a wake up call, right?

543
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,360
Here's a young man who no less than three weeks

544
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:47,360
before had almost died.

545
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,840
Instead, I get home that day.

546
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:50,880
And I get on landline back then.

547
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,040
And I call my buddy up down the road.

548
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,160
And they got anything.

549
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,640
And so the very night that I got out of treatment,

550
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,200
the very first thing I did is I started getting high.

551
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,720
Because the only thing that I took away from that moment,

552
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,040
the only thing that I took away from overdosing

553
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,240
was the fact that my secrets had been exposed.

554
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,760
And the only thing that that meant

555
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,200
was I no longer had to keep anything hidden.

556
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,240
That brakes are coming off.

557
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,680
And we're going to drive it till the wheels fall off.

558
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,760
I didn't care.

559
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,240
I hated myself.

560
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:23,600
I didn't want to live.

561
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:24,840
I didn't want to be here.

562
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:26,800
I didn't want anything to do with this world.

563
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,440
I didn't want any part of it.

564
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,000
And so the only thing that all this did

565
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:34,080
was allow me to go full-fledged 110 miles an hour

566
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,120
in the wrong direction.

567
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,960
And so that's exactly what I did starting with that night.

568
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,520
And I remember that night.

569
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,760
I remember it vividly, because at this point,

570
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,280
my parents were a little more aware.

571
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,320
So they were keeping a little better eye on me.

572
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,840
And so for the first time, my parents

573
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,680
caught me getting high outside.

574
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,040
And I remember my dad, he was so angry.

575
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,120
He didn't know what to do.

576
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,040
I mean, what do you do with a kid like me

577
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,560
who's dealing with these things?

578
00:20:58,560 --> 00:20:59,520
And he didn't understand.

579
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,800
He'd never been a part of this world.

580
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,480
He'd never been a part of these things.

581
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:03,720
And I remember he was so angry.

582
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,120
And there was just disappointment in his eyes.

583
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:08,360
And I remember he yells at my friend

584
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:09,840
and tells my friend to leave.

585
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,440
And he's yelling at me.

586
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,200
He may or may not have picked up a chair

587
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,480
and threw it at the other kid.

588
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:20,960
But I just didn't know what to say.

589
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:26,200
I loved my dad, but I didn't love me.

590
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,520
And so I just looked at him blankly

591
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,440
and waited till he was finished.

592
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,720
And I went to my room.

593
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:38,040
And from that moment on, just more and more and more

594
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:38,720
and more.

595
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,720
And I started using crank and meth.

596
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:47,400
And every pill I could get my hands on, whatever it was,

597
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,200
alcohol, it just didn't matter.

598
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,800
Whatever would numb what was on the inside,

599
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,920
whatever would begin just to erase what I was dealing with.

600
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,120
And then I started driving.

601
00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:59,120
And then I started getting arrested.

602
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,080
And then I started getting into legal trouble.

603
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:06,160
And I remember in 2003, that was the last time

604
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,080
that I was allowed to attend a public school.

605
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,280
And I remember I'd been arrested so many times.

606
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,680
And just things had taken place.

607
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,560
And I was dealing at this point.

608
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,760
And so distribution and these things like that.

609
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:22,960
And I remember being told that I'm never

610
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,480
going to be allowed back at my high school, the school

611
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,840
that I wanted to come back to, the place that I wanted to.

612
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,480
And the funny thing about 2003 is

613
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,400
it's a few years shy of when I was supposed to graduate.

614
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,760
And so I didn't have a prom.

615
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,640
I didn't have a graduation.

616
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,480
I didn't get to do any of those things.

617
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:44,880
Instead, I found myself in military school prior.

618
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,760
If any of you are familiar with that, Thunderbird.

619
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,640
20 years ago, it was fairly intense.

620
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,640
I don't know about now.

621
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:52,760
So here I am.

622
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,200
I'm this lost and this broken young man.

623
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:56,440
I have no direction.

624
00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,280
And my parents' last-stitch effort is, let me just ship him

625
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,520
off.

626
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,480
Somebody's got to do something.

627
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,040
I know the court systems had told me

628
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,560
that they would expunge everything

629
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,560
that I got in trouble for, for going through this.

630
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:10,720
And so that's where I went.

631
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,120
And I didn't think it would do anything.

632
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,920
I didn't think it would impact my life at all.

633
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,840
I didn't expect to walk away with anything

634
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,480
except a clean record so I could get it dirty again.

635
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,360
And so that was my only motivation.

636
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,840
And so I went and I stuck it out.

637
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:30,880
And as I'm there, they made you PT a lot.

638
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:32,240
That's exercise.

639
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,320
I don't like to exercise.

640
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,840
I still don't like to exercise.

641
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,320
And on Wednesday nights, though, you had an option.

642
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,920
You could exercise or you could go to church.

643
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,240
Being a smart man, I chose church.

644
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:47,160
And so this bus would come pick us up.

645
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,400
And it would take us to this little church.

646
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,120
And I had never really been to church much.

647
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:53,240
We went some as a kid.

648
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,680
We were Christian, as in most people that were in Oklahoma

649
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:57,640
back then were Christian.

650
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:58,920
And we showed up at Easter.

651
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:00,080
We showed up at Christmas.

652
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,360
And so I really didn't know what any of this was about.

653
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,120
I didn't know what was going on.

654
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:04,920
But I knew this.

655
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:05,840
I kind of liked it.

656
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,320
You know, it was great.

657
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,440
I didn't have to exercise.

658
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:09,560
These were all win-wins.

659
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:10,800
They gave us candy.

660
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,480
We really weren't allowed to have sugar

661
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,200
while we were at the other place.

662
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,160
And so this was great.

663
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,800
And something began to happen.

664
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,400
I remember they gave me this Bible.

665
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:20,920
I still have that Bible today.

666
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,400
I still have never read that Bible to this day,

667
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,040
but I keep it.

668
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:29,880
But I remember making a decision one day there

669
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,920
as the pastor there was talking.

670
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:37,160
And I wanted to know about this Jesus guy.

671
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,360
And I wanted him to live on the inside of me.

672
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:42,320
And I remember just thinking, well, maybe

673
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:43,360
he'll be better than hell.

674
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:44,880
And so I made that decision.

675
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,440
And I had no idea what it meant.

676
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,160
And I had no idea what I'd done.

677
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:49,440
And so I went on about my life.

678
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,640
I graduated.

679
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,160
But what had happened in that moment

680
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,360
is a seed had been planted on the inside.

681
00:24:55,360 --> 00:25:00,000
That I'd given God's Holy Spirit access,

682
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,760
that I could no longer be content in my life

683
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:03,800
from that moment forward.

684
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,920
And so as I went back home, I remember graduation night,

685
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,040
again, drive it till the wheels fall off.

686
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,480
Me and my buddies were partying.

687
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:11,760
We're right back into it.

688
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,800
Within a few months, I'm back into dealing.

689
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:17,040
We're living in a new place at this point, Claremore.

690
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,880
So this is where I moved after military school

691
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,320
because things had gotten so bad for me in Catoosa.

692
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,600
And they were harassing my family, stuff like that,

693
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:26,120
that we ended up here.

694
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,520
And so I'm doing the same things, new community,

695
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,280
fresh start, coughs out here, don't know who I am.

696
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,360
These were all win-wins.

697
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,000
But I wasn't happy.

698
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,480
Before, I could do these things.

699
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,880
And I could push the envelope.

700
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,160
And I could be OK with it.

701
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:41,880
And I could look at myself in the mirror.

702
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,680
And then I was coming into these moments,

703
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,120
as time's going on, that I'm more discontent.

704
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:47,400
And I'm not OK with it.

705
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:48,600
I'm not OK with who I am.

706
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,600
I'm not OK with the direction I'm going.

707
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,400
And I'm becoming discontent.

708
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,280
And I don't know what it's about.

709
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:55,640
And I don't know what it's about.

710
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,760
And so as I'm just doing these things,

711
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,400
and I'm trying to live my life, and I'm trying to use,

712
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,240
and even though I'm pushing past all this uncomfortableness,

713
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,960
and I'm using more and more and more and more and more

714
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,680
until one day I meet my first wife.

715
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,920
I was actually a little gas station over here

716
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,600
across from come and go.

717
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,560
I was selling drugs out of there.

718
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,480
Kind of sketchy situation I had going.

719
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,520
So that's how I met my son's mom.

720
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,280
And so I thought it would be a great marriage.

721
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:25,920
Here we are.

722
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,720
We're teens, 18, 19 years old.

723
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:31,800
And we decide that this is going to be great.

724
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,120
This is going to fix everything.

725
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:34,440
Kids will fix everything.

726
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,800
Relationship will fix everything.

727
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,520
Marriage will fix everything.

728
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:38,640
That'll give me purpose.

729
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:39,760
That'll give me guidance.

730
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,120
That'll give me something.

731
00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:44,040
And so I go full fledged into this.

732
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:45,400
And this is what I'm going to do.

733
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,080
And so we begin to get married.

734
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,680
And I decide to get sober.

735
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:53,200
And for me, that meant no hard drugs, just weed, lots of booze.

736
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:54,440
So sober life.

737
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,040
I'm going to walk out that sober life.

738
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:03,800
Oddly enough, my marriage ended after the first year.

739
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,520
Big surprise there.

740
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:06,720
It wasn't built on much.

741
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,600
Two kids that didn't know what was going on.

742
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,640
But one thing did come of that.

743
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,920
My son, my oldest son, Andrew, he's 14 today.

744
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,880
And it's a great thing.

745
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:28,080
And it's funny what God can use.

746
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,560
Children are a gift from God.

747
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,800
And even though I was doing all the wrong things

748
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:38,480
and the situation wasn't ideal and the marriage wasn't right

749
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,280
and the things that were taking place

750
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,520
could have been a heck of a lot better, God gave me a child.

751
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,000
And the child did something incredible.

752
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,440
That child allowed me to love for possibly the very first

753
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:54,360
time.

754
00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:55,840
I didn't love my parents.

755
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,040
Didn't love myself.

756
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,440
Didn't love my siblings.

757
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,240
Didn't love my friends.

758
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,640
But when that baby was born, I just

759
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:08,200
remember this broken man that I was, looking at this little life

760
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,240
that I had created.

761
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:14,080
And God used that to shatter things inside of me.

762
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,480
And I just get that picture of the Grinch,

763
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,720
where his heart began to grow.

764
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,960
And God began to grow this thing inside of me,

765
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,280
where I love this boy.

766
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,960
And I wanted to give him all the things that I'd never had,

767
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,880
the life that I'd never had.

768
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,800
And I wanted to be better.

769
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,840
And I wanted to do better.

770
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,160
I wanted to change.

771
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,920
I didn't know how.

772
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:42,040
And so after my son was born, it was no drugs.

773
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:42,800
No drugs.

774
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,200
I wouldn't walk on the path.

775
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,040
I got a real job.

776
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:50,160
Like, started pursuing a career.

777
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,400
I couldn't kick the drink, though.

778
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:54,440
I couldn't not drink.

779
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:56,640
And a lot of it is I justified it.

780
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:57,440
You know, it was OK.

781
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:58,160
It's legal.

782
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:02,080
And it held onto me for such a long time.

783
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:06,280
And a few years down the road, I'm still very much an alcoholic.

784
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:07,480
And I'm struggling.

785
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:12,160
And I got arrested as an adult.

786
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:13,480
First time as an adult.

787
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,520
And this was in 2009.

788
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,200
My son was about two years old.

789
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,760
And I'm pretty redneck.

790
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,520
I like guns.

791
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,480
So I had a DUI.

792
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:26,840
I had a lot of guns in the car.

793
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:30,320
Some of those violated federal law.

794
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:31,600
I don't do that anymore.

795
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,160
So get your tax stamps, people.

796
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,880
So here I am in 2009.

797
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,560
And I got arrested for a DUI, felony possession of a firearm.

798
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:47,440
The one that really was sticking me was a sold-off shotgun.

799
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:52,000
And the state at first was trying to get the ATF to pick it up.

800
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,080
They didn't want it.

801
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,960
But I was facing five years.

802
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,920
My son was two.

803
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,880
And in five years, he can be seven.

804
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:03,800
And I didn't want to go through that.

805
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:04,840
And I'm struggling.

806
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:06,300
And again, I don't know what to do.

807
00:30:06,300 --> 00:30:08,000
And so I'm just trying to pick up these pieces.

808
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,000
And I managed to get to the court system.

809
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,280
I managed to get on the other side of that.

810
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,360
And I'm on probation.

811
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,720
But I'm reevaluating life.

812
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:19,320
I don't know what to do, though.

813
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,560
I don't know where to go.

814
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,160
I didn't know places like this existed.

815
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:23,560
I didn't know what the church was.

816
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,040
I didn't know who God was.

817
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,280
I didn't know that there was a place that I could turn.

818
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,520
It's something I could be a part of.

819
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:30,720
And so I'm out there just trying to do it on my own.

820
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,000
And I'm still dealing with all the things on the inside.

821
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,600
And I'm trying to drown all the pain and all the things

822
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:36,560
that I didn't share.

823
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,200
And so I'm out there.

824
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:44,360
And I remember it was, I think it was 2012, early on.

825
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,240
I found myself, no, 2011.

826
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,960
I actually found myself without a place to live.

827
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,000
And there's some of you in the room

828
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,560
that I've walked you over to this Claremore Motor Inn.

829
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,560
And we've bought you a room.

830
00:30:56,560 --> 00:31:00,000
I was one of those people one time without a place to live.

831
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,040
11 years ago, I burned bridges with family.

832
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:04,560
Nobody wanted me around.

833
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:06,120
Friends didn't want me around.

834
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,720
And my parents, they were going through a hard time.

835
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,280
And so I find myself homeless.

836
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,920
I remember walking up to the second floor.

837
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:13,760
Thank you.

838
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:18,280
The second floor of the Claremore Motor Inn, room 201.

839
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,800
And I've got my son with me.

840
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,040
He's a couple of years old.

841
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,880
And just he's having a great time.

842
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,400
And I am ripped to shreds on the inside

843
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,240
because this kid that I loved, that I wanted to provide for,

844
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,200
that I wanted to do better for, I was failing.

845
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,160
I was still failing.

846
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:36,080
And why was I failing?

847
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,320
I quit getting high.

848
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:38,440
I quit doing these things.

849
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,440
And I was still so lost and still so broken

850
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,440
and still so all alone.

851
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:47,280
And I just remember it's like I'm never, ever, ever

852
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,760
going to find myself in this situation again.

853
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,400
And so 2012 rolls around.

854
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,520
And I've gotten a new relationship

855
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,680
because I still thought that that was the answer.

856
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,040
Women were the answer.

857
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:00,160
Booze were the answer.

858
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:01,560
Sex was the answer.

859
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:05,840
And so I end up with another child.

860
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,880
I wasn't married to her mother.

861
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:13,120
But again, my heart broke when she was born.

862
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,240
And my life was a total wreck.

863
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:16,920
I was such a loser.

864
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:17,920
I had nothing.

865
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:19,300
I couldn't hardly pay my bills.

866
00:32:19,300 --> 00:32:20,400
Couldn't hardly eat.

867
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:21,680
I always had money for alcohol.

868
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:22,800
I don't know how that worked.

869
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,520
But nothing else.

870
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:26,120
Nothing else.

871
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:27,880
And so here I am.

872
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:29,320
I'm with two kids.

873
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,560
I'm single.

874
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,840
I'm living in a trash apartment.

875
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,240
Got roaches.

876
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:37,640
I have nothing.

877
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,960
I work for minimum wage.

878
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:45,920
And all I know is I just can't stand this life any longer.

879
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,440
Can't stand it any longer.

880
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:50,960
And so I began to search for something different.

881
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,080
And I began to think about some things.

882
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,960
One of the things I began to think about

883
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,320
was the church kids in school that I bullied

884
00:32:58,320 --> 00:32:59,640
and how they were great kids.

885
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,800
And that was why I picked on them.

886
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,840
And I was like, I want my kids to be those kids.

887
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,200
I don't want them to be me.

888
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,040
I want them to be the kids I was bullying.

889
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:12,120
And so I was like, man, all right, maybe church is a place.

890
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,640
And then I remember thinking about Thunderbird

891
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,440
when I was in military school and just that atmosphere

892
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,720
that this broken teenager was welcomed,

893
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,560
that they invited me in, that they loved on me,

894
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,480
that they journeyed with me.

895
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:28,680
And so I started searching for churches.

896
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:29,880
And I started going around.

897
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,640
And it's like, I'm going to find a place that's for me.

898
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,220
I'm going to find a place that's for me.

899
00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:37,920
And I was working for a screen printing place, actually,

900
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,200
here in town several years ago.

901
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:45,080
And this church, Cedar Point, had everything printed there.

902
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:47,680
And there was a gentleman named David Brace.

903
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:49,240
He's still a part of staff still.

904
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,040
We're back to work with him now.

905
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,520
He was the very first person to ever invite me here.

906
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:55,360
Ever invite me here.

907
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:56,720
And he said, you know what?

908
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:58,360
You should come to church sometime.

909
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,800
And I thought, why the heck am I doing that?

910
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,680
And I remember turning him down.

911
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:04,720
But again, it was a seed.

912
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,200
Man, God's funny about that, planting those seeds,

913
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:08,040
putting them in there.

914
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,040
And so I tried different places.

915
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,120
I went around.

916
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,760
And I never really felt like I was at home.

917
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,920
And I was always discontent.

918
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,320
And eventually, I started showing up here.

919
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,480
Funny thing, first time I came to this place

920
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,720
and actually stepped in the doors, a buddy of mine

921
00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,520
was doing community service.

922
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,720
It was after the church had just started

923
00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:31,600
to move into this area many, many years ago.

924
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,720
And I dropped him off for community service.

925
00:34:34,720 --> 00:34:37,480
And I was drunk when I did that.

926
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,640
And then when I came to church here the first time,

927
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,320
the only way that I had the courage

928
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,880
to really step through these doors was half lit.

929
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,920
And it's just crazy what God does.

930
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:50,680
But the first time I came here, I was intoxicated.

931
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:51,640
I was alone.

932
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,000
Didn't know why I was here.

933
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:57,920
But I knew this, that Christians would help me with my kids.

934
00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,880
Surely they would help me with my kids.

935
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,960
Surely they would love on them.

936
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,240
It helped me to teach them right from wrong, all the things

937
00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:07,200
that I didn't know, how to love people,

938
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,640
and how not to screw up your life as much as I screwed it up.

939
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,240
And so I started attending.

940
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,640
And I started showing up.

941
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,440
And that was in 2012.

942
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:20,240
And as I'm coming here, I start to kind of like it.

943
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,440
But I'm still not real sure about the whole church thing.

944
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,400
I'm not really bought in.

945
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,440
And I'm just here for my kids.

946
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:30,200
And then in 2013, I started a business.

947
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:34,000
And I decided that I was going to start selling pens

948
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,680
and doing window decals and all the things

949
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:37,720
that churches bought.

950
00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:39,800
And other people bought, too.

951
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,920
But the church kind of had this policy, more unspoken

952
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,560
than anything, that there's a preference for people

953
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,720
who attend when it came to purchasing the things

954
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:50,880
that I was selling.

955
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,480
It's funny how they get you.

956
00:35:52,480 --> 00:36:01,280
So as I start my business in 2013,

957
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,160
I immediately became a church partner.

958
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,840
So I became a church member in 2013.

959
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,400
Again, I know that because my main motivation was my business.

960
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,120
And I was like, my kids can go to church.

961
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,840
They can grow into decent people.

962
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:15,720
And I'll make money.

963
00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:16,880
I'll get out of poverty.

964
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:17,880
It's going to be great.

965
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:19,720
And so I would show up.

966
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:22,280
And what that began to do is it began to create accountability.

967
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,560
Because I dealt with a lot of the ministries here.

968
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:25,720
I sold them things.

969
00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:27,160
And I would come up here.

970
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:31,120
I was involved a lot with stuff outside of Sunday.

971
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,720
And the funny thing is, people started

972
00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:34,840
to notice when I didn't show up on a Sunday.

973
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,160
And so then I'd get a phone call.

974
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:37,480
Hey, Erin, we missed you.

975
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:38,840
I'll be there next week.

976
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,920
Please don't buy your stuff from somebody else.

977
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:48,320
And so that's what I did.

978
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:54,360
And then about a year in or so, I started serving.

979
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,600
It got me again.

980
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,000
And it's like, hey, you're doing a good job with this.

981
00:36:58,000 --> 00:36:59,240
They had me serve with something back then.

982
00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:00,360
We called it Creative Team.

983
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:03,560
And they had me kind of help with planning stuff.

984
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:04,880
And again, my heart wasn't there.

985
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,440
My motivation wasn't there.

986
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:07,740
I still wasn't connected.

987
00:37:07,740 --> 00:37:08,960
It wasn't clicking yet.

988
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,240
But again, I'm going to show up.

989
00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:11,640
I'm going to be a part of it.

990
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,360
My kids like it.

991
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:14,840
And my bank account likes it.

992
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:15,920
These are all good things.

993
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:16,960
And so here I am.

994
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:17,680
I'm doing that.

995
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,480
And then I started serving in the three-year-old's room.

996
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,320
That was the first time I served with kids.

997
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:22,000
It was awful.

998
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,640
It was awful.

999
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,800
So bad.

1000
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,800
I thought it would be great because my daughter was

1001
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,000
three at the time, around there.

1002
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,640
And so she got to come in with me.

1003
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:35,360
My son helped me.

1004
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,880
But it really just started to make me not want to come at all.

1005
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:43,560
I'm like, ugh, is the money really worth having

1006
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,680
to serve in the three-year-old room?

1007
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,600
And so rather than leave the church,

1008
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,080
I decided to have a conversation.

1009
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:52,560
It's like, I can't be a part of this.

1010
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,280
And after about that same time, a funny thing was happening.

1011
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,400
My son wanted to go to church camp.

1012
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,160
And so I ended up going from the three-year-old's room

1013
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:05,000
to our children's ministry, our kindergarten, to fifth grade.

1014
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,840
And the way that happened is I went up to the children's

1015
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:08,640
pastor at the time.

1016
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:10,480
I was like, hey, my son really wants to go.

1017
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:11,880
He doesn't like to be away from his dad.

1018
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:13,160
So I'm going to go with him.

1019
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,120
And she goes, well, no, you're not.

1020
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:16,080
What do you mean?

1021
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:16,480
No, I'm not.

1022
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:17,560
I'm going to volunteer.

1023
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,760
It's like, well, you have to serve here

1024
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:23,000
and be a part of this ministry if you want to go with your kid.

1025
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:23,720
Got me again.

1026
00:38:23,720 --> 00:38:28,400
So that's what I did.

1027
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,520
Because I don't love me.

1028
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:32,280
I'm a drunk.

1029
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:33,360
I'm a womanizer.

1030
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,160
I'm still empty.

1031
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,280
I'm still not buying in.

1032
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,120
But I really love my kids.

1033
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:39,440
I really love my son.

1034
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:41,240
And it's like, I can do that.

1035
00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:43,400
And so I started serving in the children's ministry

1036
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:45,860
and just kind of showing up and being a part of that.

1037
00:38:45,860 --> 00:38:48,920
And then church camp comes up.

1038
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:55,200
And I remember that summer, first time going off with kids,

1039
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:59,080
by far the most impactful thing spiritually that's

1040
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:02,280
ever taken place in my life.

1041
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,400
Because here I was with kids that

1042
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,560
were the same exact age I was when I was abused.

1043
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:12,800
They were the same exact age I was when my life got off track,

1044
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:14,640
when things started to fall apart,

1045
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,480
where I didn't know what to do.

1046
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,680
And so I began serving.

1047
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:19,800
And here I am.

1048
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:23,840
And God begins to grow that heart a little more.

1049
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:25,720
God began to reveal Himself.

1050
00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:28,000
And I began to think back to just different moments

1051
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,240
where I could very visibly see God's hand in my life.

1052
00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:34,560
And God started working on me, Him working on me.

1053
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:38,440
And I started to become so bought into serving

1054
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,400
and being a part of this church.

1055
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,080
And I still didn't quite get the walk.

1056
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,680
And I still didn't understand the Bible.

1057
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,200
And I still didn't read the Bible.

1058
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,480
And I didn't know what I was doing.

1059
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:50,800
But I kept showing up.

1060
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:51,720
And I kept showing up.

1061
00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:52,680
And I was learning.

1062
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:53,340
And the kids made it.

1063
00:39:53,340 --> 00:39:54,200
I didn't go to church.

1064
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,640
And so these Bible stories, I mean, they're impacting me.

1065
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,220
And then they're growing my knowledge.

1066
00:39:58,220 --> 00:39:59,240
And I'm around my son.

1067
00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:01,480
And then I'm building relationships with other kids.

1068
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,200
And I remember the first time a kid out just

1069
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,720
out in the community was like, hey, Mr. Aaron, how you doing?

1070
00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:08,200
And he ran up and hugged me.

1071
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,640
And it just tore me apart.

1072
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,560
Like I was a part of something.

1073
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:16,120
I was a part of a family.

1074
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:17,720
That kid loved me.

1075
00:40:17,720 --> 00:40:22,200
Not just my kids, somebody else's child had a heart for me,

1076
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:26,160
cared about me, and wanted to be with me, and talk to me,

1077
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:27,680
and hang out with me.

1078
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,920
And I was sucked in.

1079
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:31,080
And I showed up.

1080
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:34,200
And I came to one service, every other service.

1081
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,800
And I served with kids.

1082
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:36,520
And I was in there.

1083
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:40,600
And God kept just moving and growing and moving and growing.

1084
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:42,520
And I was learning.

1085
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:44,840
And I started becoming more and more bought in.

1086
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,560
And the church kept growing.

1087
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:48,680
And my responsibilities kept growing.

1088
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,840
And things kept taking place.

1089
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:53,560
And my heart just for God began to change.

1090
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:57,480
And I began to be so discontent with my double life,

1091
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:02,480
because I was so one way here and so a different way

1092
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,360
all through the week that there was this conviction.

1093
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:06,560
It wasn't shame.

1094
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,040
It wasn't guilt. It was just like, you just can't do this.

1095
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,440
And I began to understand what God had done for me

1096
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,280
and what he'd been doing for me that I came to this place

1097
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,640
where I just couldn't live my life anymore.

1098
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,240
And I remember, I was around 30 years old.

1099
00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:20,920
And I remember that, because I look back.

1100
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:24,080
And first off, I never thought I would live to be 30.

1101
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,360
I had no plan for my 30s.

1102
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:27,960
I didn't think that I would be here.

1103
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:32,320
And I remember thinking, I've spent 18 years as an addict.

1104
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:37,680
I spent 18 years lost and broken and without a family,

1105
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,680
and not knowing who I am, and not knowing my purpose

1106
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,800
or why I'm here or what I'm supposed to be doing.

1107
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,880
And I remember just reconciling then that enough is enough.

1108
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:49,760
I don't want to keep doing this.

1109
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,720
And I began to put everything down.

1110
00:41:51,720 --> 00:41:55,000
I put everything down, everything.

1111
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,840
No more women, no more alcohol.

1112
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,200
Stop smoking, stop dipping.

1113
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,120
I started just putting things down and changing my life.

1114
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,760
And at the same time, that I'm really pushing

1115
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,680
for something different, and I don't know

1116
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,120
what God wants me to do.

1117
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,120
I just know for the very first time

1118
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,880
that there's something beyond 30, that there is a plan,

1119
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,560
that there is a purpose, that there's something to live for,

1120
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,200
that I can be a part of.

1121
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,240
At the very same time, God begins

1122
00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:22,920
to bring someone very special in my life.

1123
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:27,360
And it was July of 2017.

1124
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:33,040
And I know that day because it was so profound that,

1125
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:37,520
right from the get go, I knew that would be my wife.

1126
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,480
And I remember putting it in my calendar.

1127
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:44,640
But God had done a work in my life.

1128
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,480
And God brought me Janelle.

1129
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:47,720
And so she was showing up.

1130
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:50,080
And so she'd been invited.

1131
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:51,440
Again, the power of invitation.

1132
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,720
She'd been invited here by friend Sunny Payne, who's

1133
00:42:54,720 --> 00:42:55,240
right here.

1134
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:00,000
And she was coming into my life.

1135
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,240
And I'd met her kids.

1136
00:43:01,240 --> 00:43:03,600
She had four beautiful kids.

1137
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:07,280
And because I served, because I was faithful, every Sunday

1138
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:08,920
she showed up, I was at the door.

1139
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:09,760
Every Sunday.

1140
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:10,600
Not just for her.

1141
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:11,680
I was here for the church.

1142
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:16,680
That was just a bonus.

1143
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,720
That was just a bonus.

1144
00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:20,600
And so she would show up.

1145
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:22,560
And God begins doing this work.

1146
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,600
And unbeknownst to me, her and Sunny

1147
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:27,280
were kind of scheming some things,

1148
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,360
not letting me know what was going on.

1149
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,040
I remember getting this phone call.

1150
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,760
I coached soccer around this time.

1151
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:37,040
And she asked if I would help one of her sons,

1152
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:38,680
because his dad wasn't really around,

1153
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,000
and help get him ready for the soccer season.

1154
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,120
And so this is July.

1155
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,360
It's the first time that we really hung out or talked

1156
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:51,120
outside of, hey, glad your kids are here in July.

1157
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,000
And so we did that for about a month, getting him ready

1158
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:54,640
for soccer.

1159
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,160
And then one month later, I wrote this date down, too,

1160
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:00,600
because it was so important to me.

1161
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:10,040
But August 20, 2017, one month later, I asked her to date me.

1162
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:11,040
I said, will you date me?

1163
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,400
And August 23, she said yes.

1164
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,360
She waited three days.

1165
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:21,200
I was such a catch that she had to just really weigh

1166
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:22,240
her options there.

1167
00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:33,000
And then October 29, and if you guys are doing the math,

1168
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,920
that's not very long, from July, I asked her to be my wife.

1169
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:44,800
Down in the kids' room, where God changed my story,

1170
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,720
where God introduced me to my wife.

1171
00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:49,840
She was serving with me.

1172
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:51,680
We were in there.

1173
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:53,720
And at the end of service, because I

1174
00:44:53,720 --> 00:44:55,300
kept trying to pull her aside, but she

1175
00:44:55,300 --> 00:44:57,800
thought I was trying to flirt with her in the middle of kids'

1176
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:58,300
service.

1177
00:44:58,300 --> 00:45:00,560
And she wasn't having any of it.

1178
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:04,840
And so once I finally convinced her to step away with me,

1179
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:09,120
again, on October 29, I asked her to marry me.

1180
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:11,200
And it's just incredible what God does.

1181
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:16,880
And December 16 of that same year, we got married.

1182
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,240
And one of the greatest days of my life

1183
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:32,120
is God just, and this is a picture of us on our wedding

1184
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:35,080
day.

1185
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,560
And it really was just one of the happiest days of my life.

1186
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:40,600
And God had done so much.

1187
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,560
He'd done such a work in me, where

1188
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:45,760
this broken individual who felt that he couldn't be loved,

1189
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,600
that he was unlovable, that he could never have a family.

1190
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,200
I remember wanting a lot of kids,

1191
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,700
but I'd screwed up my life too much.

1192
00:45:51,700 --> 00:45:52,960
I think there's just no way.

1193
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:56,280
There's no way that I'll ever have the family that I wanted.

1194
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,280
And she was in a place of brokenness,

1195
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,720
where she's like, there's no way a man will ever

1196
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:02,400
want me with four kids.

1197
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,880
And so God ended up orchestrating things

1198
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,640
and bringing us together, where the family that I always

1199
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:09,720
wanted, I got one plus.

1200
00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:11,240
I wanted five, and I got six.

1201
00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:12,720
And God is so good.

1202
00:46:12,720 --> 00:46:20,280
And I was finally able to love myself and to grow

1203
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,480
and just to really see God's goodness

1204
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,840
and to really see God's hand on my life.

1205
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,680
And a couple weeks after we got married,

1206
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:29,980
just some things had opened up here at the church.

1207
00:46:29,980 --> 00:46:33,680
And January 2018, my wife and I, we

1208
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,080
came on staff here as a part of a church,

1209
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:39,760
leading the children's ministry.

1210
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,840
And it's just amazing what God does.

1211
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,400
I mean, again, these were the kids.

1212
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,000
They were the same age as me.

1213
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,480
This is where my story got broken.

1214
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:50,360
This is where I got off track.

1215
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:54,400
And I got to spend every week loving these kids

1216
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,600
and serving these kids and ministering and leading

1217
00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:00,760
in a place that, and if you'd asked me a few years ago,

1218
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:01,960
I would never be.

1219
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:03,200
I would never be good enough.

1220
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,240
I'd never be qualified enough.

1221
00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:08,200
But I learned that God's grace and God's mercy

1222
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:08,840
is good enough.

1223
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:13,320
And so we came to a staff position then.

1224
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:18,320
March 26, 2019, three years ago, the very first time

1225
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:20,920
I stood right here on this platform.

1226
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:24,560
And I gave testimony very similar to this,

1227
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,960
where I was able to share my story.

1228
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:28,360
And it was just incredible.

1229
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,760
And God began to do a work on my heart

1230
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,460
then where I wanted to be a part of this.

1231
00:47:34,460 --> 00:47:38,400
And shortly after, I started showing up here on Monday night

1232
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:39,320
and serving.

1233
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,720
Jill and Caleb were a part of the ministry here.

1234
00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:42,720
And they led.

1235
00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:44,040
And I just wanted to show up.

1236
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,000
And I just wanted to serve.

1237
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:46,620
And I just wanted to be a part of this.

1238
00:47:46,620 --> 00:47:48,200
And so we started showing up.

1239
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:52,560
And then July, 2020, it was the very first time

1240
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:58,960
that I got to come full circle and preach a message to adults

1241
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:02,720
where I'd sat in the room out here just a few short years

1242
00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:05,400
before as Pastor Rick gave a message that God

1243
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:07,720
began to use to impact me.

1244
00:48:07,720 --> 00:48:10,200
I got to come full circle and do that same thing.

1245
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:11,400
It's just amazing.

1246
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:12,280
It's amazing to me.

1247
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:21,880
It's September 16, 2020.

1248
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:25,440
That's the day my family became whole.

1249
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:26,980
It's in the middle of the pandemic.

1250
00:48:26,980 --> 00:48:29,480
It was a hard time for a lot of people that first year.

1251
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:31,120
It's the greatest day of my life.

1252
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:34,160
I got to adopt all four of those kids.

1253
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:44,080
And again, it got so good.

1254
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:44,920
We lean into him.

1255
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:49,520
He just continues just to get better and better and better.

1256
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:53,880
And then December, 2020, just a few months after that,

1257
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,920
got to open the door where I got to lead here

1258
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:59,640
and just become a part of this week in, week out,

1259
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:02,720
and journey with you guys and just be a part of this

1260
00:49:02,720 --> 00:49:05,240
and love on you guys.

1261
00:49:05,240 --> 00:49:07,480
And I love the guy that I am today.

1262
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,640
I love what God's done for me.

1263
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,880
I brought a picture of that.

1264
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:13,560
Maybe.

1265
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,120
We got that.

1266
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,480
The picture of me alone, Brandy.

1267
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:23,360
That's who I get to be today.

1268
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:25,240
And I'll show you that for a couple things.

1269
00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:26,920
One, just kind of break the tension

1270
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:28,960
and help deal with my tears.

1271
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:33,720
But this guy loves life.

1272
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:35,160
Loves life.

1273
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:36,840
Day in and day out, I have bad days.

1274
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:38,040
I have bad moments.

1275
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:39,120
But I love life.

1276
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:40,480
I never thought I could love life.

1277
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:41,920
I enjoy life.

1278
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:46,080
I enjoy a family that loves me most of the time.

1279
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:47,160
I enjoy you guys.

1280
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,400
And we get to be a part of something great.

1281
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:55,640
And I never thought I'd live to see that age, this age.

1282
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:57,200
Never thought I'd be here.

1283
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:59,960
I never thought I could have a real smile.

1284
00:49:59,960 --> 00:50:03,760
There's nothing behind that that I'm masking or hiding.

1285
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,000
I get to lay it all out here every week for you guys

1286
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,360
and just journey with you.

1287
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,840
And then one last picture for you guys.

1288
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,880
Again, he just brought me my beautiful wife and family.

1289
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:14,380
OK!

1290
00:50:14,380 --> 00:50:14,880
Yeah!

1291
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:16,360
I love you guys.

1292
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:16,860
Yeah.

1293
00:50:16,860 --> 00:50:17,360
Thank you.

1294
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:17,860
Thank you.

1295
00:50:17,860 --> 00:50:18,360
Thank you.

1296
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:18,860
Thank you.

1297
00:50:18,860 --> 00:50:19,360
Thank you.

1298
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:21,860
Thank you.

1299
00:50:21,860 --> 00:50:22,920
And I'm just grateful.

1300
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:24,840
Smiling again.

1301
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:26,160
Smiling again.

1302
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:29,400
And I'm just grateful for what God's given me

1303
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,400
and just to be able to journey with you guys.

1304
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:34,400
And I'm grateful for tonight.

1305
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,880
As we close, though, tonight, there's a couple things.

1306
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:38,840
I know it's a little different than we typically

1307
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:39,680
do on a testimony.

1308
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:45,660
But as we close tonight, my story

1309
00:50:45,660 --> 00:50:51,480
was changed because I gave access to a very real God

1310
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:55,160
that I was able to journey differently

1311
00:50:55,160 --> 00:51:00,480
because I began to submit and to realize that I'd been saved

1312
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:04,040
if I would just accept it, that I could be redeemed if I would

1313
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:07,600
just accept it, that my story wasn't finished yet,

1314
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:09,840
that there was someone out there that could rewrite it.

1315
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,240
And so as we close tonight, here in just a moment,

1316
00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:14,560
if you're in here and you're like, hey, Pastor,

1317
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,240
I want some of that.

1318
00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:18,120
I'm tired.

1319
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:19,400
I'm tired of living this way.

1320
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:20,480
I'm tired of being broken.

1321
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:22,200
If you're in here tonight and you'd

1322
00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:25,040
like to give your life to Jesus, if you would

1323
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,480
like to take that first step to make the greatest decision

1324
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:30,640
that you could ever make and come into a relationship

1325
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:32,520
with Jesus, at the end of service,

1326
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:34,440
we're going to have some people up front.

1327
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,120
And we would love to pray with you and for you

1328
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,960
so you can begin that journey so that you don't have

1329
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:45,560
to stay stuck in brokenness, lost in shame, lost in guilt.

1330
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:48,400
Your story can begin to change tonight

1331
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:50,280
if you're willing to take that first step.

1332
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,280
And so we want to encourage you to do that.

1333
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:54,200
If you're in here and you've done that before,

1334
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:55,640
you've made that decision.

1335
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,600
But maybe you've gotten off track and God's

1336
00:51:57,600 --> 00:51:58,880
just speaking with you tonight.

1337
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,720
And you realize, you know what?

1338
00:52:00,720 --> 00:52:02,760
It's time to change course.

1339
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:06,720
It's time to realign myself with what God has for me.

1340
00:52:06,720 --> 00:52:09,560
If you need to recommit tonight, again, at the end of service,

1341
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:10,840
we'll have some people up front.

1342
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:13,240
We would love to pray with you and for you

1343
00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:16,640
just as you recommit, as you get back on track.

1344
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:18,600
And then lastly, if there was something

1345
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,560
that was just kind of pressing your heart

1346
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,720
that you need to deal with, like your relationship

1347
00:52:23,720 --> 00:52:26,760
with God's good, but there's just some brokenness

1348
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:29,480
or something that God's brought to your attention

1349
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:31,000
that you need to begin to lay down,

1350
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:34,240
that you need to begin to set aside at the end of service,

1351
00:52:34,240 --> 00:52:35,720
we'll have some white chips up here.

1352
00:52:35,720 --> 00:52:37,320
And again, if you'd like to come down,

1353
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:39,240
we would love for you to pick one of those up.

1354
00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:43,320
And what they are, it's just a symbol where you know, man,

1355
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:45,080
I've laid that at the foot of the cross.

1356
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:46,840
I've given that to Jesus.

1357
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:47,960
And there's a blank space.

1358
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:49,360
You can write down today's date.

1359
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:52,400
You can write down what it is, any of those things.

1360
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,480
And then lastly, if you're in here tonight

1361
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:58,760
and you just need prayer, we would love to pray with you.

1362
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:00,000
It's a house of prayer.

1363
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:01,480
We want to journey with you in prayer.

1364
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:04,080
So if you're in here tonight and you just want somebody

1365
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:07,400
to step up and just cry with you, to hold you,

1366
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:10,240
to pray with you, whatever it is, we would love to do that.

1367
00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:11,640
And so as we close tonight, man,

1368
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:15,240
if you guys would stand to your feet and join us for worship.

1369
00:53:15,240 --> 00:53:16,080
Thank you, Lord.

1370
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:21,080
Thank you.