Hi everyone, this is Danny and you're listening to Imagine Me the podcast that helps you show
up as your best self.
And joining me today is Mr. Don Finkley, a junior.
Hello, G-Wave.
I'm back.
The audience is a little slow in the jumble now.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, so let's get the business stuff out of the way.
Follow us on Facebook at ImagineMeWorthy.422 on Insta, Imagine Me Worthy.
And we are still fielding questions for any of you who want to be featured in our Ask Imagine Me episode.
You'll be sitting on that episode, right?
Yes, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
So if you want, you want to hear us answer one of your questions, please send that question to
ImagineMeWorthy at gmail.com.
That is the business stuff.
Nice.
Okay.
We're going to talk about something that I feel like I bring up in almost every episode.
And it is how to argue.
Yeah.
How to argue.
And I'm not talking about the way that I might argue or I used to argue or try not to argue.
You're not trying to win like some arguing championship, which by the way, I'm pretty sure I can gold medal.
Good lord.
But there was an Olympic sport in arguing.
I could get.
Oh my gosh.
I got facts.
I got references.
Yeah, you're ridiculous.
I got dates.
I got statistics.
I got it all.
And y'all, I understand statistics in a real way.
I just don't be spouting statistic.
All right.
I'm already arguing.
So most people, if not all have been in arguments that, you know, can spiral out of control.
And for whatever reason, I know personally it leaves me feeling drained and upset and still not heard.
And I've tried to work on this.
I've tried to give you some things that I've been working on and hopefully you can kind of add those to your life and maybe learn how to argue in a healthy way.
That sounds weird, doesn't it?
Yeah, argue in a healthy way.
It almost seems like an oxymoron.
Yeah, it does.
But we have this preconceived notion of what arguing should be.
That's why.
Exactly.
Yeah.
All arguments aren't negative.
Yeah.
All conflict is not negative.
And the way to have the way to argue in a healthy way basically means avoiding escalation and just finding resolutions in a resolutions in a way where you just don't hate the person's face you were done talking to.
Right, right, right, right.
Gosh, man.
You have to really like to be a Zen arguer.
You have to really be a master of your emotions, you know, and really just respect the person for their point of view.
Yep.
You know.
Yep.
And it doesn't always have to match your own.
Right.
You know, I keep saying that too.
A very close friend of mine, I always joke with her that I want to be like her when I grow up.
Who is this?
Tiffany.
Okay, yeah, she's, yeah.
Yeah.
You all don't know Coach Tiffany is the most amazing coach.
Yeah, one day you probably should have her on.
She's Tiffany's amazing.
Yeah, yeah.
She has mastered her Zen.
I have never met such a good lord.
Zen, even killed person.
Sometimes I have to check myself around her.
But I saw like a crazy person talking around her.
She's always, you know, one thing I love that she does is she always says what she's thankful for.
You know, she just lives in gratitude and that's something I still strive to do.
I didn't, I didn't plan that, but Tiffany, I love you girl.
That's why I mentioned it.
All right.
So here are some tips that I hope will help you have a, have tongue twisters today.
All right.
We were just doing that before.
We were just doing it.
To get ready to do a podcast.
So that my, my mouth wouldn't do what it's doing now.
And yet it's doing it.
Yep.
All right.
Let's try that one again.
So hopefully if you follow these tips, you will find that you have more healthy and productive
arguments with your loved ones and friends.
All right.
So number one, remember that arguing is normal.
It is.
Arguing is just a part of life.
It's not always a bad thing.
And again, arguing can be healthy.
It allows you to express your feelings, your opinions, and it can help you come to a resolution.
I know that sounds like a load of BS to some people.
Yeah.
But you know, just let down your wall and be open to this.
Right.
All right.
So when arguments become unhealthy, it's when they're just too heated.
Right.
You know, like just, just sometimes you cannot discuss things right off the bat.
Right.
Or, or enter a discussion with the expectation that it's going to turn into an argument.
Yeah.
I mean, check yourself.
When you need not be approaching this subject or having this conversation.
Right.
Exactly.
You know it.
And I can tell you that I, so what I've done to help me in these situations, I do a body scan.
I know what I feel like physically when I'm amped up.
Oh, that's interesting.
Yeah.
Like I could feel like my heart will start pounding.
Right.
You know that feeling you get with when adrenaline?
Yeah.
So you know, okay.
All right.
I need to, yeah.
Yeah.
I start getting sweaty.
So I already know when I start feeling these like physical things, that it's probably not
a really good time to have this conversation.
And I do one or two things either I will take a break or a time out.
Yeah.
Or either I just state something very clear.
It's not a good time for me to discuss this right now.
There you go.
And that's just, that's still communicating to the person that I acknowledge what they're
saying, but I do want to discuss it, but not right now.
Right.
And that just leaves the door open.
Right.
Because you could torpedo our relationship quick.
Yes.
Woo.
Yep.
I have chosen a lot of times I choose just not to respond.
It's just like, you know, especially, and I'm going to give us an example, political
stuff.
That's one of those things where you just don't, you already know where, if you know
where the person, you know, where they're going to go with it, you already know what
they believe, you know, then it's just, it's not worth your energy.
And that's the way I approach things just like, you know, and they'll start talking
and I'll just be like, hmm, okay.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Wow.
Really?
I don't, I don't offer anything because it just, I know where it's going to go.
Yeah.
I mean, and of course, you know, people are just going to have varying opinion opinions
on politics, but it really isn't worth the energy in arguing with people.
Right.
Let me tell you something, y'all.
Don't, don't argue with me about stuff like that because I am not likely to change my
opinion when it comes to things like my core values.
Most people aren't.
Yeah.
And that's why it's a waste of energy.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
I respect your opinion.
I'm not going to try to change your mind, but just know you're not going to change my
mind either.
I really do not care.
And it is true that in some of those cases, some people's core values are wrong.
I can't.
That was not very trauma informed.
Well, you know, I'm not a counselor.
So.
Okay.
Y'all don't cancel me.
You can cancel me out of care.
No, you can't cancel me either.
No, don't cancel me.
All right.
So the second point, try to avoid escalation.
And there is, so this is when, even when you are having an argument that are just dealing
with conflict and even if it starts off good and then something enters the conversation,
you're just like, oh, yeah.
Now whether this is the person who was speaking to you and they start to get heated, it is
okay for you to step back.
Like, Hey, I see where this is going.
Right.
This is not what I want to do right now.
Deescalation.
Deescalate.
Okay.
And you know, like some people can enter conversations with the best intentions, but sometimes you
don't even know what your hot button is until it happens.
That's true too.
Yeah.
Oh, that's, that's a really good point.
I didn't know that would bother me so much.
You're like, oh, that made me mad.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I thought I was ready for this.
Yeah.
And anyone who knows me personally knows that I can get incredibly passionate about
things that are important to me.
You know, I have a big mouth.
And if it has anything, anything, anything to do, words today, it has anything to do
with any of the subjects or I think one that I'm really passionate about is, you know,
victims of domestic violence and stalking.
Don't start me.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna tell you what, what, try to talk to me and explain to me.
I think that's like one of your, I didn't know this until recently you were watching
that stalking show and you were just.
Yeah, I was.
You had, he came downstairs to see who I was yelling at.
Yeah, I was yelling at my TV.
I was so mad.
Yeah.
Yep.
If you want to see me escalate it, that's how I get there.
So one of the best ways to keep an argument healthy is to avoid escalation.
So try not to say things that will make the other person more upset.
Now what that said is that you cannot control the other person's reaction.
Even though your intent is not to upset that person.
Again, if you don't know their triggers or their hot button issues and it comes up, it
could happen.
So for example, if you're arguing about who should do the dishes, avoid insults and disrespecting
others.
And this is also with kids.
Yep.
Because I would assign chores to the kids and I'd come down and they'd be like, what
in the heck?
That's not how you do this.
And then just like, go on, you did a half butt job and then just, oh, but like this
might have been their expectation.
Right.
Well, unless you know my oldest.
Yeah.
And this will intentionally do a half butt job.
Yep.
Even at 21.
Yeah.
If she could, her, she takes that smarter, not harder phrase and it has become the philosophy
of her life.
But what she has found is doing it that way always creates more work later.
Yep.
Sure does.
Try to do it.
Sure does.
So instead of even if you are so angry in that situation, instead of saying disrespectful
things or insulting the person, try to stay calm and focus on the issue at hand.
If we use the, the example of the dishes and you go to dishwasher, you pull your cup out,
your favorite mug for your coffee in the morning and it's got stuff stuck to it.
Like somebody just put it in a dishwasher.
Yeah.
It's not personal for you.
Yeah.
It's very personal.
This happens more times than I care for it.
But so I will focus on this cup is dirty.
And it's not to my standard of cleanliness.
Now, what I really, in that moment when I don't have my favorite mug on a Monday morning,
what I really want to do is go upstairs and wake my 21 year old daughter up and be like,
hey, can you come clean this mug?
Oh, geez.
That would be petty.
Yeah.
That would be petty.
I know someone that used to do that.
But instead I will either wash the cup or just get another one of my favorite mugs.
I have like 20 favorite mugs.
She has too many y'all.
Now he's on her side too.
She keeps saying I got too many mugs.
That's the excuse for why my mugs don't get clean by the way.
I have too many of them.
Oh my gosh.
So don't use hurtful words or insults and avoid raising your voice.
If you notice that your voice is getting louder, take a deep breath and calm down.
That sounds so stereotypical.
I think that breathe is the new calm down.
It is very effective.
Yeah.
But have you ever told someone calm down and saw how they didn't calm down?
Right.
Yeah.
No, you're absolutely right.
Okay.
Breathe.
What you telling me to breathe for?
I'm breathing.
I have breathing.
Yeah.
But the reason why it is encouraged to breathe, did you know?
And this is science.
Okay.
All right.
Here we go.
This is how you naturally release your own serotonin.
It is slow controlled breaths.
Okay.
It sounds, I know, it's, but like we were, we were made just so perfectly that our bodies
can do things that in the moment where we don't need medication or anything, we create
these things.
The fix is natural.
You just have to know how to do it.
In that moment.
I'm not saying this works all the time, but in a pinch, a good inhale, hold, exhale, but
don't hyperventilate.
If you're doing it.
Yeah.
You're going to.
That's not, that's not, no, you have to be very intentional in your breath.
There are apps for that.
If you have an iPhone or the watch, you can even set it and it'll count for you.
Right.
A good way to, to practice that is believe it or not, I do this, you know, if I'm exercising,
if you're doing cardio and you notice your heart rate is getting too high or like that
machine is starting to beep, like, oh, you're above the range you should be at.
If you can intentionally control your breathing, you'll watch it start to go down.
Yeah.
I used to do that when I ran track.
Yeah.
I used to do cross country and believe it or not, I didn't know how to breathe.
Yeah.
It's a thing.
Yeah.
And I was just like wondering how people running these miles and I learned how to breathe
properly and that meant being intentional in my inhalation and exhale.
Yeah.
So avoid bringing up past arguments because it will make the other person feel threatened
and frustrated.
If you want the person that you are speaking with to put up a wall real quick, bring up
some past stuff.
Yeah.
That's so hard.
I know it is.
It really is.
And sometimes that is the result of not resolving that issue.
Yeah.
Past conflict.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
You know, like, and that's the thing, y'all.
And if you have chosen to move forward in a relationship, whether it's a friendship or
work, whatever it is, and you've discussed this issue, it has been put to bed.
Don't bring it up again.
Right.
Unless that person does it again.
Right.
And the thing is, like, a lot of times if it was honestly resolved, you wouldn't have
a reason to.
You wouldn't.
But I think in the heat of the moment, when you're trying to, trying to, to like, I don't
know, sometimes like bring up the person's faults or they're, you know, like, oh.
Yeah.
You're trying to get an edge up in the argument.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And nobody knows how to hurt you more than the people closest to you.
They know those buttons.
Also avoid making threats and ultimatums.
If you want to shut a person down as well.
Cause my word.
Ultimatums.
Yeah.
Nope.
And then don't get butt hurt if they choose the one that doesn't involve you.
It fits.
You know, oh, it's me or your job.
And they piece out and take the job.
Well, you presented those options.
Yep.
Don't get mad.
There's a certain football player that did that recently.
I can't remember who it was.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
Also threats.
I'm a person when I feel threatened, it is not good.
Not good.
Like anyone else that feels threatened, you go into your trauma response and you do what
you need to do because your body is in survival mode.
Also, don't say anything that you might regret later.
I actually will say this out loud in times where I feel a conversation is going to a
place.
And again, I feel those physical reactions in my body.
I can feel my heart pounding, stress.
What you guys, I sweat really bad and I sweat the most.
When I'm stressed.
And those are times where I'm just like, okay, I'm going to say something that I might regret.
Give me some space so I can address this in a better manner.
And this can be what your kids with anyone.
The third one.
Focus on the freaking issue.
You ever had an argument with someone and like it's going on.
And they say something and just like keep going on this weird tangent and just like,
what are we talking about again?
You're just like, how we get here?
What the hell you talking about?
Yeah.
What?
Like, what is going on?
So when you're in argument, stay focused on the issue discussed at that moment.
Avoid bringing up other issues that are unrelated to the current discussion.
I think a good example of this is the infamous slap.
Oh, Lord.
Yeah.
And just like people pulling things and grasping at straws to like sublitify their argument,
but it had nothing to do with what like actually happened.
Like why are we discussing a relationship that or something they were talking about
right like a year ago and making this the other person's fault rather than actually
what happened.
Right.
It doesn't make sense.
There's too many opinions when it comes to that particular situation.
There's lots of things.
If you just just go on social media, try Reddit.
If you want to see some people get off topic real quick, stay off there for that reason.
Yep.
Or any of so I'm a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I belong to a few online groups and you know, I think there's some people who will pose
questions to see the fireworks in the group.
But like if you go through the comments and you can see so many people who are just off
topic and just like, dude, you're mad at this.
That's not what we're talking about right now.
Right.
Now it has nothing to do with it.
Yeah.
I even have someone say, oh, this is stupid argument.
It's a dumb show.
But I'm just like, did you know this was a group about a show?
Yes.
That's called a troll.
And that's why I don't entertain those.
That too.
Don't feed trolls.
Yeah.
Don't.
They just disappear.
Right.
Was it South Park?
I used to.
Yeah, it was South Park where the dad was like he was a troll purposely.
You don't remember that?
It was like a three part episode.
I don't remember, babe.
I think it was.
Was it Stan Statt?
No.
There's so many episodes.
It was Kyle Statt.
Kyle Statt.
Yeah.
He was an undercover troll.
He was on social media and he would just type random things to get reactions.
Now I'm gonna have to look up that episode.
Yeah.
It's like, it's three parts.
Yeah.
Trust me.
So don't bring up past arguments or points.
For example, if you argue about your partner not doing the dishes, don't mention that they
never take out the trash.
One doesn't have anything to do with the other.
Right.
Yeah.
It will make the argument more confusing and it doesn't help to resolve the conflict.
And then you're also just, I mean really your partner might feel attacked.
Yeah.
It's just like, okay, I'm trying.
Yeah.
It's more than if you're arguing with someone like me, I'm a match your energy.
I think most people would.
That's the thing, right?
And that's why you try your best not to get to a heightened state when you're arguing
because that's what happens, right?
Yep.
It'll elevate based on how you respond to your...
I was told when I was a child that a soft answer turns away wrath.
And that just means it's all in the delivery.
Even if you have to say something that might not necessarily be good news to share, it
is better to deliver it with compassion.
Right.
Or just recognize that the way that you say things, the way that you present an argument,
that outcome is on you.
Yes.
We feed off of each other's energy.
So try to stay calm and focused.
It's challenging to stay on topic when you're feeling upset because I don't know about y'all.
Sometimes I might not say some rational things in the heat of the moment.
I'm just saying some stuff that just hopefully it hits.
Good Lord.
But so just it's important to really just stay calm in that moment.
Be specific about what you're upset about.
Nobody can reach your mind.
Avoid things like you never, you always, because nothing is ever absolute.
I don't feel hurt is a better way of saying you never listened to me.
Or I felt unheard when you didn't respond.
So just because if you were to actually stop and think, is it true that your partner never
listens to you?
Is that true?
Is it true that when you express those extremes, I know when you're worked up, it's in that
moment, it feels like almost like an end all be all.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
It's like everything is, my life is over.
Your life is over.
No.
Good grief.
It's not.
But being specific about what you're upset about helps the other person better understand
your perspective and it can lead to a more productive conversation.
You can't expect people to read in between the lines.
If you are not being direct.
You owe that to the person you're having conversation.
But on that same token, you are not supposed to read between the lines.
If it isn't said, it is not your job to interpret the message that wasn't said.
Right.
Because that might not be the intended message.
Absolutely.
For my favorite, take breaks if needed.
These are timeouts.
These are grown up timeouts.
Okay.
You're saying like in the middle of the argument or?
Doesn't matter.
Middle, beginning.
Yeah.
If you feel like the argument is getting too heated, take a break.
Yeah.
Sometimes that's, I can understand that that's hard.
If you have a partner that's following you through rooms and just won't stop when you
try to separate yourself from the situation, that is hard.
But if you can lower your energy, sometimes that will help.
Yep.
And it really doesn't mean that you're giving up on resolving the conflict.
It just means that you need time to calm down.
And that is best to avoid saying something you regret.
You don't want to be arguing and all of a sudden you'd be like, your mom was a fool.
What?
Good Lord.
What?
You know, like, sheesh.
Oh man.
It's an art.
It's really, it's, I mean, it really takes a conscious effort to be able to, to remain
calm when you're arguing with someone.
Yeah.
So on that same token, if a person asks for a break or say, hey, I can't discuss this
right now, you need to take a break as well because it takes two people to argue.
And this person is saying, basically, I'm probably going to say something that's going
to, you know, I'm going to regret or just totally torpedo this relationship.
What you, what you're telling that person when you don't give them a break is that you
don't care.
Yes.
You don't want to be done with this relationship because please believe when the dust settles
and you're looking back at this argument and you've said some horrible things that those
things that you said to that person, they still hit.
Yes.
They still remember them.
Yes.
There's not a rewind button on life.
There's not a, a delete.
It's still out there and that person still felt it.
Yes.
And when someone wants to take a break that you're having an argument with, that is not
the time to lean in so you can win.
Oh gosh.
If you are, if you're arguing with a person and they do that and it's just going, going,
going, you're probably dealing with a person who has some serious issues and this is not
about you.
Right.
And they probably calm, they probably have interactions like this with a lot more people,
not just you.
This is how this person operates.
Absolutely.
Yep.
Okay.
Let me get it off man.
See, I almost got heated up there.
I know.
See, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
We get it.
That's why.
So with that, you know, agree with the person to take a break.
It will help avoid misunderstandings.
Let the other person know that you plan to come back.
Now taking a break is not the silent treatment.
Right.
There's a big difference in that.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's incredibly damaging to a relationship, particularly romantic relationships and relationships
with our children.
The silent treatment is not an appropriate punishment.
Right.
That is not okay.
Yeah.
Actually it is a form of abuse.
Most people don't know that, but it is.
So yeah, I recently learned that.
Yeah.
Just, you know, from learning from you.
Yeah.
Um, it's also incredibly immature.
It shows that you have low emotional intelligence and that your route to teaching this personal
love a lesson is to isolate them.
No.
Yeah.
I'm just not going to talk to them.
That's no, that also doesn't resolve it.
It doesn't.
And that's the other thing.
Don't expect to come back to this person and act like you didn't put them on eggs for
like two days.
Right.
Don't do that.
Okay.
How you doing?
No, if you do, I'm going to be honest, y'all do something like that to me.
You might catch the finger.
You're going to get that one finger salute and we really going to be on a silent treatment
because you probably don't want to carry on a relationship with someone who's method
of conversating with you when you don't agree with them is to punish you.
Right.
That's what that is.
That's a good point.
It's a punishment.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
So, you're letting the person know that you're going to come back this way.
Don't know.
They don't feel like you are just abandoning them.
Right.
You know, this is not a good time for me to have this conversation or you could just,
depending on who you're talking to, especially if this is someone who is close to you, you
can say, Hey, I feel like this is going somewhere where I can't go and I'm not able to have
a calm or rational conversation right now.
And that is okay.
That is not a weakness.
Right.
Um, during that break, try to do something calming, whatever it is.
I always try to stay engaged, you know, one of your five senses.
This is a method that they use a lot in DBT, whether it is like you have your favorite
smell.
Some people like dryer sheets.
Okay.
You're laughing, but it does help in the moment.
Anything that you can do in under a minute.
Okay.
I kind of keep you present.
Okay.
Just, just to soothe that.
I like it.
Mm-hmm.
Mine, y'all gonna laugh at this.
Mine is gangster rap.
I recently learned this actually two days ago.
Yeah.
I had no idea.
It seemed like that would be like counterproductive, right?
Right.
Gangster rap.
It gets you into certain, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know why, but for some reason it brings me down.
Wow.
I was telling my buddies that, and you know this, this is going to sound weird, but watch
it.
I'm watching steak videos on theirs.
This is, this is the thing, y'all.
There are ASMR videos on Instagram and even on YouTube of people just cutting steak.
And for some reason that is very calming to me.
I like to watch people getting haircuts.
Well, like the, the barber ones.
Okay.
Obviously, because I'm a hairstylist, right?
But when they're doing those very sharp precision cuts, right?
I love that.
I have this weird thing with watching curly hair get straightened.
Oh, okay.
And like when you do it really slow, I actually get goosebumps.
I'm like, this is oddly satisfying.
Oh my gosh.
Any, any hairstylist out there that knows what I'm talking about, comment on our social
media either on Instagram or Facebook.
I know I cannot be the only hairstylist that likes to see curled hair getting straightened
and get that glossy straight.
Oh my gosh.
That's fine.
That's funny.
I got goosies now.
Oh Lord.
Another thing that, so a good example of this also is the agency that I contract with, they
have this awesome trail behind the building.
And a lot of times if you have, you need a break, a lot of us will go back there and
just take a brief walk.
It just really, number one gives you a change of scenery.
That's important.
Sometimes you just need to like completely remove yourself from the situation and that
could also mean changing the scenery.
It also allows you against, you engage those five senses.
You know, I love to go out there when the lilacs are blooming because it smells so good.
All right.
So number five, resolve the conflict resolution.
Y'all, once you've taken some time to calm down, it's now time to actually resolve the
conflict.
And this means talking with the other person about why you're upset and then working together
to brainstorm solutions that can help.
And this is why when you take a break, you are in a more rational state of mind and you
can actually think about resolutions.
I don't know about y'all, but when I'm in the moment or anything, like when I'm at a
really high energy place or highly agitated, my thought processes, they aren't very complete.
You can't think clearly 100%.
They're not complete.
And that moment also feel like I will have that absolute thinking again, my life is over.
I'll never be able to do this.
Return to that when you're in a more calm state because your brain works better that
way.
Right.
Yeah.
So in doing this, what you want to do is listen to the other person's perspective.
It is really important to understand where they are coming from.
Whether you agree or not, it is still important in hearing that person's perspective, especially
if this is about someone being upset about something you did.
Again, a tent doesn't matter.
This is just a time to listen.
Okay.
Listen.
Try to come up with a compromise.
So sometimes every resolution will not be equally beneficial.
Right.
Think.
Right.
It isn't, it isn't.
What you say that's...
Because what can be equally beneficial is not having an argument.
Right.
But it just means if you have the ability to compromise or that person has the ability
to compromise.
That's what I was going to say.
Yeah.
If you have something you can do and not be put out of the way or inconvenienced, why
not?
Right.
To do otherwise, if you're deciding that absolutely no way am I going to compromise,
then there need not be any further conversation.
Right.
And that's the thing too.
And it, I think more times than not, you can be arguing with someone who doesn't have
the same level of emotional intelligence.
Yep.
And look at me using words from the podcast.
And in those cases, those are times, at least I find, when you really have to make a decision
to compromise.
Yep.
Is it worth it?
Is it worth it to continue an argument?
Is it worth it to continue to have this rift in your relationship if you can compromise
and meet this person halfway?
Yeah.
That doesn't mean that you always have to be the one compromising because if you are,
just let's reevaluate this relationship.
But if you have the ability, why not?
Yeah.
It's not about winning or being right.
It's about maintaining a healthy relationship.
And that right there, let's put that on a freaking t-shirt.
That right there.
It is, if you start off arguing with the intent of I'm going in or you're not going to back
down because you don't lose.
Nope.
No.
You're not getting anything accomplished in that.
Right.
No.
Right.
So a compromise has to be something that you both agree on.
And you will both say, like, hey, if you come up with a compromise, does this work?
Yeah.
I could do that.
Right.
That's it.
Right.
For example, if you're arguing about who should wash the car, maybe you wash the car
together or you wash the car this week or you go next week.
Or why are we doing that?
Let's just get a membership at a car wash.
And as he said, that is looking at me.
I should do better.
I have a nice truck, but I don't ever wash it.
It isn't disgrace.
And her husband pays for her membership.
It's just like, you know, it's, it's, it's, what do you call it?
Priorities.
It's not on my list of priorities of things to do.
Avoid playing the blame game.
This will only make the other person feel defensive and you won't resolve the conflict.
Right.
Just don't.
Yeah.
I've been guilty of that.
Um, yeah.
And then backtracking with compromise.
It means that, I don't know if I made this clear that you may have to give up something
to resolve.
Yep.
And again, look at it.
Is this relationship worth it?
Right.
What is that phrase?
Is the juice worth the squeeze?
Yeah.
If it is worth it to you, you might have to be the person to give up something.
Right.
So keep an open mind so that it compromises possible and also just be patient.
It might take some time to reach a resolution that you can agree on.
You know, this might be something you have to think about.
Yeah.
I think one you and I are talking about is where we gonna live.
Where we gonna live?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's tough because the government's decided that for us the last 20 years.
So, um, yeah, we're still working on that one.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna wrap this up.
Arguing is a normal part of any relationship.
It actually is essential to a relationship for you to learn how to argue healthy.
Love conflicts and avoid raising your voice, insults and arguments.
They don't work y'all.
It might feel good in a moment, but they don't work.
Yeah.
Take a break, practice deep breathing and try to resolve the dispute without escalation.
I hope that if you follow these tips and the next time you're in a situation where you
have to express yourself or there's a conflict that you need to resolve, I'm really hoping
you can do so productively and respectfully, respectfully.
Okay.
All right.
Let's get with the quote this week.
I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.
All right, y'all.
You are worthy.
You are valued and you are loved.
Peace Hotel.