Previously on The Atomless
Azan-i
Oik
Shi
My name is Theoriak
What's up? My name's Skye! Welcome to the patchwork, my dudes!
You have a lead on where the next crystal is
The planet Nos in the Vanir system
My name is Poncho, I'm the sheriff of these areas
I'm the sheriff of Neutrino Downs
As you all... cheers
There is a BOOF from outside
A loud bang
And a KOO KOO KOO
Another
I'm out the door
Sheriff!
Poncho...
You took
You took from the band
We... we can't be having that
The sun's setting
On your ride here, Sheriff
My name's Skye Scraper
I'm interested in joining you
My name's Estrid
We got some money to pick up
The store in town, the owners fallen behind on some pains
She raises her gun
Cocks it
And fires
Huge train
Carriage is long
On a track that goes off into the distance
The Baron is gonna take
That
Fucking
Blue-haired bitch
And is gonna throw her off the train
Alright, let's ride y'all
And he cracks the reins and takes off
Ho ho ho, Gondor the Terrible
You will never get the solar plexus crystals now
Oh, you think I need the solar plexus crystals
Hi Scrap, have you seen Ferple come through here?
I'm a bit busy at the moment actually, Ike
Wait, what are you doing?
Nothing, just, you know, captain stuff
Oh, it's us!
You have little figures of the whole crew
Is that to help plan for battles and ship coordinating?
Oh, yes, yeah
Well, how do they look so accurate?
Oh, that's easy
I just made these little guys in Heroforge
They've got a new face customizer feature
So I can get everyone just right
See, I even got the Doctor's flowers right there
Their color of them is almost as pretty as they are in real life
Well, I don't want to bother you while you're planning big captain business things
I'll see you in the mess hall later, captain
Alright, later Ike
He could use the power of the crystal to help us with this mission
Oh, yeah, radical dude, I was gonna get skateboarded
Oh, I had a skateboard on my own planet once
Wait, Matt, are we gonna clap again?
No, why, do you want to?
I had a dumb idea
What is it?
Let's go, what's the dumb idea?
Can I count us in for the clap?
Yeah
Re-clapping?
We're gonna clap again for Moe
Re-clapping apparently, Moe really wants to do a bit
If Moe really wants to do a bit, let's do it
We gotta
What the hell is that?
I have a, this or a maraca?
Maraca seems more fun
I've been playing a lot of games
Are you maracaying on three?
I'll go three, two, one, clap
Okay
Ready?
Yeah
Three, two, one
Was that it?
That was a bit?
That was a little bit
That was fun
Delightful
That was wonderful
Moe, that filled you with so much joy
It was a wonder to see
That's what we're doing every time now
Great men make great things
Great machines, buildings, ships, guns, bombs, nukes
Great men make great history
Powerful stories, rags to riches, getting their rightful place
And who's to argue?
They write the stories
They're the great ones
The others lost
The Baron is a great man
His Tyrrhenium train is on the tracks
The greatest machine in the crumbling sands of Nos
And who is going to argue?
Everyone else lost
Everyone
Except you
Your arrival is met with a soundtrack
Beating of the train against the tracks
Punctuated by whipcracks of red lightning and the huge sandstorm off in the distance
Growing by the second as if the elements themselves have come to see who will win
There's a roar of an engine
Scrap speeds the patchwork truck toward the train
The lizards led by Thistlebrush sidle alongside the engine
Azam, you open this top acting as a very poor window
The wind immediately hits you like shh as you open it and you're going to ready to jump
Who would like to give me an athletics or an acrobatics that the DC for this is going
to be 25?
26
It's a 20 for me
Is that a failure?
It's 25
It is a failure
I'm going to use one of my improvisations
You've got this because you're within 60 feet
When you fail an athletics or acrobatics check as a reaction
I can allow you to reroll that check
You can use my modifier if it's better than yours
Did you use acrobatics or athletics?
I used acrobatics and my acrobatics is a plus six
I'm a plus seven
Shut up really?
Okay
That still only gives me a 20
No, you can reroll
Wow, you get to reroll
Oh, I get to reroll
Yes
Okay
Oh no
24
Oh no
I think it's just like just misses the bars
Also I have the feet jet dash
When I'm running I move six times my normal land speed
And when I jump I can double the height and distance I can jump
Because I'm a cute little kangaroo mouse
You're a cute little kangaroo mouse
I'll still have you roll but instead of 25 do we want to call it 15?
I rolled a seven on the dice so that's an 18
Oh god, alright
Dang, I should have kept it high
Your wife, this beautiful Velka, this white wolf humanoid oxana
She takes the reins begins to ride thistle brush
You jump easily as you hop aboard this first little link of the train
I want to pitch an idea, can Theory Act use physical science to determine the trajectory
and kinetic energy by which is needed to launch onto the train?
Oh we're doing some Robert Downey Jr Sherlock Holmes thinking calculating as we leave
But I'm into it, I like it, I tell you what, I tell you what
Theory Act can do a physical science to like determine trajectories and all this
And I will give you, if you succeed on a, let's call it DC 15 for that
If you succeed on that I'll reduce the DC the same way I did
Okay I do not have to roll because I have a plus 14 to figure out
Oh shit
Okay still roll just to see if you get a nat one
Nope, I got an 11
You know exactly, you like perfectly calculate trajectory to the point where it's the lizard
that you're riding on, you feel the breath intake and how they're moving and how you
can use the momentum of them to be able to leap onto this train
That's gonna take the DC of you jumping on this train down to 15
Well that was the nat one
Oh no
Theory Act jumped but like the train like encountering like a small bump in the tracks
and that threw off the calculation and so Theory Act is now just like hanging onto the
edge of the train
I'm going to say yes, however, I'm gonna put you further down than I since I got very high
on the roll and is in the same position the train raises slightly stilting your jump pushing
yourself off you just missed the first railing missing it falling slightly down the train
luckily your roots grab onto a pipe that's on the underside of the train so you were
at the minute like almost like underneath the train any form of loose wire another rock
a hand not correctly placed will bump you off of this train and you will roll immediately
under it
Sky
I jump, athletics 22
You watch theory act jump miss the first railing and fall slightly down the track this stutters
you the window the small window of opportunity that you had to you miss it but the train
start begins to speed up and is continuing to pick up speed this will brush just can't
keep up there is now an entire car dividing you and the rest of the and the rest of the
party as the as the Patrick truck is not quite yet able to keep up
You've got this
Okay
Take a deep breath
Don't rush
Plan and
Your hand is slipping the wind is whipping against you it is hard to hold on what do
you do?
I'm at least 23
I cannot imagine a situation where Azam doesn't grab onto the scruff of your neck and pull
you up to join them
I imagine so
Okay okay I know we have to let go fight them but I want to try to do something from here
What do you mean?
I can maybe make them forget how to drive a train
If you think that's a good idea
I mean Poncho
Well um I think it would be a fantastic idea if we could make them forget how to drive
a train but you do realize they may lose control of this speeding train
Is it on a track?
Yes it is on a track but you still need to regulate the speed and brake system
Um I'm not great at shakes of trade I was told once upon a time that runaway train is
not a good metaphor
Oh no it is a horrible metaphor
Make them forget then you can jump in and take control of the train yourself
I can do that okay
Just don't forget about the dead man switch that's a thing too
Okay
Baron urgent
I'm gonna go try and get Furia
Oh that doesn't look great
You know I haven't even rolled yet I was trying to get rid of the panic by breathing out and
it didn't work
Okay
Twenty?
Uh you are able to like hold onto poles and little outcroppings as you climb along the
outside of this train
You get to where Furia is but right in front of you is a large window looking into the
train car and you see these three fairly well armored guardsmen sitting on the train and
playing cards
They have yet to notice you
Just climb on me don't make a sound
Athletics Theria it's gonna be an easier roll
I'm thinking I'm thinking you know what how's a zero
Oh no no no don't worry don't worry you've got this
Uh I'm trying to like quickly remember the advice I gave to I
Just take a deep breath
You know what screw it listen Furia you fall you die just grab my foot and get the hell
up
That's a nine
How's it a nine you got a plus nine
Because I have a minus one
Oh no no this is a reroll
Yeah yeah I rerolled
No way you rerolled okay so you
I got three ones in a row game
One of the guards turns and sees both of you hanging onto the side of the train
Anybody got a ladder
Your question is met with picking up of rifles and then gunfire
I would like everyone collectively to roll initiative now
Oh boy
Great news gang I did not roll a nat one
I rolled a net too
I did roll a nat one
Oh no
Do we have anything above 25
No
I love that
Why did you bring that up
No
First person in this initiative Poncho what would you like to do
It's just like a normal like door basically in front of me
It's a normal door it's locked but it is a normal door
And is there like a little tiny window that I could like peek through
Yeah actually you can yes
So what he does is he pulls out his two pistols
He leans back against the door and he will look up at Ike
I don't know how to unlock this door
The only way I do know how to unlock it is with needles
Save your bullets for the bad guys
Do you want me to get it
It would be very helpful if I could if you could unlock the door so I can go in there
guns a blazing
I would like to if I can hold my action once I unlocks the door
Bam shoulder against it and then turn around and just rain in hot lead
Absolutely I believe there is a slight of hand here and that is how we do lockpicking
Good I love it I love it excellent
Yes 27
You know sometimes you know I take these back routes and I always assume they're gonna stay
open for me but then sometimes they just close up and you make your whole way out from the
lower decks up into the upper decks and then all of a sudden a whole route is shut down
and you're there and there's a crate and there's locks and stuff so
You feel the lock and unlock
How many people are in the room
This is three
Okay the first one is a 19
Hits easy
And the second one is a 26
Hits easy
12 for the first one
Beautiful
And the second one 8 for the second one
One of the guards that is reloading looks up and you
Right through the head
The second one is a little covered ducks down after your fire goes off and you hit him real
hard in the shoulder he's still alive looking real weak and does a small stumble to the
ground and then gets back up
I open the door and then I'm ducking essentially
Beautiful perfect yeah you're in full cover behind the doors
It is now the armored guards
The one that you had shot is going to open up fire at you poncho
That is unfortunately only an 11 so I can't imagine
Yep that misses
The third one is going to fire on his arm
That is a 6 gosh dang it
Elisa we're all rolling bad
Yeah exactly
They thought they were on this safe journey as neutrino downs was getting taken out
No one everyone is taken far too by surprise
There is this crackle of an intercom and you hear this low heavy wheeze
Everyone it seems we have some unwanted passengers
Going into full lockdown
Above you poncho
The Baron is going to use their move
Full lockdown
These two turrets above you go online
That is his turn that is the Baron's turn
It is now the bots turn
The two turrets that poncho are next to are going to take a shot at poncho
So that first is a 24
That hits
That second is a 9
That misses
At you that's going to do 6 damage
Sky these two bots fly out of the window and are flying alongside the train
Sky it is your turn
I was just looking at this thing here remote hack that I can use at 20 feet
You want to hack one of the robots?
Can I?
You absolutely can if you want to do that
You can roll engineering or computers
I will say that as the train is picking up speed you are going to slowly start losing
your headway
How fast is this train going?
That's good how fast do trains go?
Pretty fucking fast
They're pretty fast
I think trains go about 30 miles an hour
30 miles?
Well are you going on a passenger train?
Wait is it maglev though?
Because if it's maglev
I'm on rail track speed limits in the US let's say it's going 60 miles an hour
That seems healthy
My board's half that speed but if I jump the robots are going to attack me
That's true however you also do have you have made your board gain the ability of it can
move five times its speed if you sprint
You can move five times your distance I believe
It can do a zoom
Wait is that like all the time have I been moving super slow for this whole campaign?
Yeah sky can move sky can go fast
Oh my god
When we made sky we made her pretty like go brutally fast on the board
Sorry everyone for forcing you to sit through my starfinder lesson you have faster reflexes
than normal my butt can can use small arms I don't know what that means
Yeah you have a gun in your in your skateboard you also have that
Oh my god jet dash you were swift I didn't even know my drone had feet
Narratively this works
You put all of its stats into speed like all of it into speed it can't do anything as an
action but you can move crane fast
Hey
Let's go
Hickory dickory dock back from the dead is a miracle dock they counted me out woman of
truth counting it down underdog story was down for the count back on my feet back with
a mic back on the beat back with a family then banging the streets the game won't lock
us down with a beat
You are on a hoverboard that is as fast as a train right now
I imagine you put the goggles down since sand is like whipping at you
Hell yeah I look cool as fuck
Okay sky puts her fingers to her temple and I want to try and hack these robots with my
void microchip
I'm gonna say that this is gonna be a DC 20 to computers
Would a 29 do it?
29 weirdly does do it
I read my character sheet and realized my highest stat is engineering and I should probably
use it more
Okay I'm gonna give you two options you can disable this drone it falls and will just
get crushed under the wheels of the train it will be no more no no use anymore
Or you can use it
Now I want it to drop dead like a fly
There is this BOOSH of explosion as it as shrapnel flies out everywhere
Okay is that your turn sky anything else?
Yeah that'll do
Theriac
Time to shoot time to shoot right now with my needler pistol
Perfect you're shooting the person who is looking at you
Who's looking at me yep
How does a 23 look?
Oh it is delicious
That's six piercing damage and then for the inhibitor that is a minus two penalty to AC
I reduce the targets DR by five
I reduce the targets resistance to one type of energy by five and I'm gonna choose piercing
Okay and that lasts for seven rounds
Oh god the whole fight
It goes in you see these like veins work up his neck and he chokes and stutters his gun
like falls slightly as he stumbles back and regains himself and is is clearly nauseated
and weak but is still up and is still alive
Azam
Coupling like an old man Azam is going to like start climbing back because I can't fit through
that window let's be honest to where I is and I think I do manage it with with the amount
of
Yeah yeah
But I'm just gonna point down to the coupling between the engine and the first car I'm just
gonna step on to the opposite side and grab the couplings and melt them I'll be I'll be
alone with the Baron
Give me a give me an attack roll because this is your flaming hands thing right
You got you got fifteen
I did
You got fifteen exactly
Do we need this
No and I was
Okay
Great what do I
Azam
Your hands burn so hot that the metal turns to just molten
Sky even you can see this the whole carriage shudders and shifts
It is the carriages are still the same speed
First round is going to lose ten foot from the head carriage and then is going to lose
thirty and then seventy and then the 140 is going to keep keep bowing until the point
when it's this completely is completely off the track
Poncho
I'm gonna take a shot at the one that I shot earlier
That is a twenty two
Beautiful yeah you hit clean
That is seven points of damage
Another quick fire around the corner this classic western movie sounding and it's a
Wilhelm scream
I know y'all can hear this Baron right now you're in a bit of a situation your car has
been detached from this train
You got two choices give up or I will find a way to pull a bullet right between your
eyes I swear on it
Okay Poncho I guess we should finish this
Is the auxiliary party's turn
We had the AC boost with Azam
We have the choice between scrap can drive to any point Oksana can take a shot at someone
at the window
Estrid can give AC boost flack and hack
May I propose that we have the hacking be done to the turrets
Yeah that's no problem with me
Both of the turrets go down
I get you
Azam well I can't stop you so
Oh yes of course you're gonna do an incompetence
And I just close my eyes so tight and imagine all of the mechanisms in that car and I want
them to scramble and at the DC 15 will
As you concentrate and connect to the threads that you can see but the Turinium ore in all
of the carriages don't seem to be connected to anything
All of the mechanical lights and the food dispensers all of these areas aren't connected
to this consistent power power source that is the Turinium ore
The Turinium ore is clearly for some other form of use
When you point your attention toward the engine the Turinium ore is blinding
This head engine car is so so filled with threads that you can't even see past
You are trying to have the Baron forget how to drive this train correct
Well no I'm no I'm not what changed was Azam got on that platform so I want the Baron to
forget how to use his weapon
One of the threads pings echolocates some form of positive information back as you try
to cast this since you can't see him and he's not using weapons that's all I will state
Okay I have to find out in a bit the one soldier next to Thiriak puts down their weapon and
pulls out this small almost like looks like a hollow knife they strike it against the
ground and this laser sword creates itself and they are going to take a melee strike
against you Thiriak
Question can I use my quick draw?
Poncho you can use quick draw
I got a crit
You got a crit?
Not only do I do regular damage I do corrosive damage
Oh wow
So that is 15 points of regular damage and one point of corrosive
As they strike this laser sword against the ground they stand up seeming taller more imposing
they step toward Thiriak and as they raise their swords to swipe down through the head
he's down
That's what happens when you bring a sword to a gunfight
The door opens
The top half of this old man like sagging skin wrinkled his long white hair that is
tied up the bottom half of him eight individual small spiked legs one of his arms has been
replaced with this metal claw on his side a holster and a small revolver pistol so similar
to Poncho this mask over his mouth
Well then I guess this is our last stand
Matt is the Baron the creepy guy from Wild Wild West?
Hey Dylan do you want to know something right now?
Yeah
Yes he is the guy from Wild Wild West
I figured
I'm just picturing Immortan Joe from Bad Max but mixed with the bad guy from Wild Wild West
Exactly Immortan Joe and the guy from Wild Wild West
Oh my god yes
The picture that I have on the roll20 for our listeners at home is Immortan Joe
I love this
Twenty
That does hit?
That is 16 points of damage
Okay
Baron you've been a thorn in my side for a long time you've taken my friends from me
you terrorize my town and you add insult to injury by taking my deputies gun from their
body and using it yourself this isn't going to be an act of justice anymore Baron
You used to be such a compassionate mad Poncho
Let's see how round two goes
And then that's when he swipes with his claw and smacks his arm
Further down the train guy you see the door next to where you are fling open and this
soldier step through readying a gunshot for you
This one bot flies out and shoots forward
Is sprinting a thing like can I double my speed or something so I can catch up with
everybody yep is that my whole action
It is your full action and you added the feet to skateboard that your sprint is not two
times your speed it is five times your speed
Thirty times five
Hundred and fifty
How far could I get without using my whole action and still being able to hack this bot
You are able to move thirty foot so you can get ten foot away from the bot easy
I would like to do that then please and thank you
As you get within range roll me a hack
Like an engineering?
An engineering or computers whichever one you'd like
Seventeen?
Seventeen is unfortunately not able to do it as it's a DC-20
And the bot now considers you aggressive and gives like a warning to all other bots on
the train
Theriak it is you as Amuro
I would like to do some sick cowboy shit and jump back out of the window back onto a lizard
Holy shit okie dokes
Give me an athletics acrobatics I'm gonna say the DC is fifty
If you fail the roll I'm going to allow you to spend a resolve to reroll it
Ok that's an absolute fail that's another two let's go
Let's go ahead and use that resolve
Oh my gosh
Gang let's roll better
Hey gang
Let's roll better gang
Hey gang the tough part of this fight has just started
Like let's start rolling
If we could just roll better I would be grateful to us all
I would love to not jump off a train directly onto the ground
Yeah that would be real good
Take two take two
That is a twenty one
Twenty one?
Theriak leaping onto a chair onto a table out the window
The lizard that you biohacked instinctually understands what you're trying to do and begins
to bound next to the train and you leap and land onto it
You went out on a lizard outside of the train
And then I would like to take a shot at the Baron on top of the lizard
Alright here we go gang
Oh that's a crit baby
Oh let's go
That's our scientist
It's got to hurt so bad a whole 2d4
Baron has yet to be hit so
Minus two to AC right?
Minus five to damage resistance
Yup do you want the minus five to piercing to stay?
Reduce resistance to piercing
Yeah
Azam let's go
I'd like to go for the oxygen tank and just rip it from his back
Do it do it do it do it do it
I love you Norton and I love you Azam
Do it
Beauty yeah
This is gonna be a contested contested roll
Let's call this athletics like a grapple check as your book trying to struggle with one another
Oh great don't worry about it bud
I rolled a crit fail
You know how you rolled a crit fail?
Yeah
See I rolled the opposite of that
So I think I just reach in and literally burn one of the straps off to grab it once and
just rip it off
You see that it's not connected loosely to him
It is grafted onto his body
It has just over time fused to his skin
And you tear this oxygen tank like fully off of his back
There is like the tearing of flesh and blood starts pouring everywhere
Poncho it is you
He'll point his gun at the Baron
Compassion Baron?
I have compassion for my friends I have compassion for my family
I have compassion for people of this town
The compassion that I had for you at any point is gone now
But I'm gonna give you this choice right now
Drop your weapons run out into that desert and never come back
Or we kill you right now
That's your choice
Taking the oxygen mask off and just limply tossing it to the side
You can't begin to kill me
And he takes a shot at the Baron
He's aiming at the leg joints of that spider thing that he's connected to
And I would like to use my feet deadly aim
Then I have another class feature called double shot
Can I do that and deadly aim at the same time?
Yeah
So that's 19
19 to hit?
Yeah
Absolutely
12 damage
It is a perfect shot
One of his eight legs like uncouples and he falls with it
There's more gas escaping
He is acting injured and old and pathetic
He is acting like he looks
He's hanging on by a thread
Auxiliary party what would we like them to do?
Can we get the aux to be ready to get us off?
Ready to catch us essentially?
Scrap like hits gears and starts to blast forward
Sky you see him like riding alongside you on the patchwork
He will be there by the next round
Hell yeah guys let's get some speed
Sheriff?
Yes I
I don't want to kill this man but we need him done with right?
Right
I just needed to hear you say that
I'm going to take a chance and do a transfer charge
Okay
And I want the transfer charge to be from the Baron to the patchwork
I can do any number of charges I will do five charges
He needs to make a DC 14 fortitude save
The transfer happens no matter what if he fails the fortitude save he takes 1d6 electricity
damage
He did fail this fortitude save
Okay
It's going to be a three electricity damage
I guess you pull this energy it begins to manifest in the physical space
This like arc of electricity the Tyranium ore starts sparking
The patchwork you can hear roar like thunder as it speeds up
This electric energy bursts
The electric mechanical augmentations that the Baron has equipped onto themselves
Surge with electricity and you see part of his head rumble
He jerks back and there is this huge splatter as part of his head just explodes
And his whole body is slumped
You can hear the train and you hear the storm
Then you hear something that you didn't think you would hear
And he sits back up his head half caved
You can see the inside of him
This is a DC 20 flat for everyone
Skye I'd like to roll me an engineering check
I got 24 so I made it whatever it is
You hear the whirring of the mechanics that have been grafted onto him struggle under
the weight of trying to keep him alive
I'd like you to roll me a computers check 28
The threads in this engine room like every single piece of Tyranium ore every thread
that could be all spider web to him
The threads that are covering the car pulse and ripple down this spider web back into
him as he gets back up
Azam I'd like to roll me a tactician check
Dury 20
This is a kill shot
No one should be able to survive this
Theriac I'd like to roll me a life science check
I just barely made it I rolled shitty I got a 21
It's not that these mechanics and this whirring is healing him
It's just refusing to let him die
Poncho I'd like to roll me a culture check
19
There are stories of the Baron
He's a man that clawed his way out of the city of Newmores a city that people do not
go in anymore
And you haven't heard of anyone coming out of Newmores ever
Except for the Baron
His gang is ruled primarily by fear
As they all say through hushed whispers that the Baron cannot die
And you thought it was just hearsay
But right now you're looking at this brainless man
His eyes still blinking mouths still moving
It looks like he can't die
This trinium ore seems to be what is keeping him up
And Poncho it just makes sense
This is why he wanted it
He wanted this thing that he's powering on a device that keeps him standing
No matter what happens
This is why you wanted the ore?
If I don't have it I die Poncho
Death is a natural thing
We all gotta accept that it comes to us
What you're doing right now this isn't keeping you alive
You're just trying to cheat death
And that is not a step I'm willing to take
I've seen my friends die around me
You've grinded people under your heel
You've killed people
Just so you can add a couple years to your life
I've done nothing but fight
And I will continue to do that
What's that gonna get you?
I am not trying to make myself more
Three more's did this to me
And I'm just trying to get those years back
The engines on the Baron start whirring louder and louder
And he is gonna start swinging at his arm
That monologue didn't count as a full turn?
Him dying?
Yeah
He died on my turn bitch
He died on my turn
Hit me claw daddy come on
13
Does not hit
Damn it
Do better claw daddy
Do better claw daddy yes
Swing
It was the hit me claw daddy thing he was like oh that's I wasn't expecting that
Swings out but can't see you as arm
The top half of his head is gone
The bot that Skye has in midair is going to take a shot at Skye
That's a nat 20
Eight fire damage and you're going to gain bleed too
I just take two damage every turn?
Every turn you take two damage
As these like barge spikes fire off into you
It is now your turn
Am I going faster than the patchwork?
You can the patchwork is speeding up a lot since I kind of boosted its engines
But if I sprint I can catch up with everybody?
If you sprint you can make it to the Baron
Okay I'm gonna grab on to the back of the patchwork like Marty McFly and use it to propel
myself forward
Let's fuck it up let's go
It is you
The dream the dream
I would love to fulfill this for you
Is to get the Baron to fall off the train and onto the tracks and then get like run
over
I don't know how all I have is my bionic eye and my needler pistol that's all I've got
You do have the shrink ray that you got from wild times
Now how could we use the shrink ray to get him onto the tracks I don't know
I got an idea
I want to hear this idea
I want to hear your idea Norton please
We do a little Shrinky Dink and then I do a little Kiki Kick
You shrink him as Arm kicks him?
That's fine with me
I also have a plan that could link up with the Shrinky Dink Kiki Kick plan
You know what the turn order is Thiriyak as Arm Poncho
If you want to have a combo three-way special move I will allow you to discuss what you
want to do and you will all execute it in tandem
So here here here's my plan I propose
We get the Shrinky Dink
Arm does a Kiki Kick
Poncho jumps off the train back onto Thistlebrush and lasso's the Baron as they fall off so
that as they're falling he rides on Thistlebrush to drag him further away from the train
Let's keelhaul this Baron
Thiriyak I would like a ranged attack from you
Uhhhhhhhhh oh that's fine that's a 24
Azam give me another idea
19
Poncho the arranged attack
I got a 25
Poncho
Where is he?
Where has this compassionate man gone?
The compassionate man is still here Baron
But the problem is Baron
You're not a man anymore
You're a monster
And Matt do you want to play in my space?
I'd love to play in this space
We see a flashback
And we see a much younger Poncho standing right next to him is the Baron but he looks
less monstrous
And they're both looking out over neutrino downs
There's a whole lot of evil in this world Poncho
But I believe this ore is part of the key of fixing it
So you're saying if we give you access to it
You'll help us out?
Poncho I will make you the happiest little mouse that's ever lived
Well alright we got ourselves a deal
You promised us dreams
You promised us streets paved with gold
But all you did was just bleed our town dry
Poncho I gave you streets of gold
You just didn't know where to look
He sits down in the dirt next to the Baron and he takes off his hat
I miss the man that made those promises
I do think he's still there
I think I just got overzealous
Help me rebuild that man Poncho
Help me
I can't help you with that Baron
What I can promise you is that I won't let the man die alone
I don't think that's for me Poncho
I'd like you to die with me Poncho
And you see him let go of the ore and his hand moves to his waist
Poncho looks down at the Baron
His eyes glance where his wife is posted up
And just makes a little gun pointing finger
Bang
That shot hits the Tyrrhenium ore by his side
And as it does you see this connection to this machine that he has built for himself
Wayne
And before your eyes he gets older and older and older
His wounds bleed more
And this connection to immortality is severed so severely that you watch him almost rot
in front of you as he slowly shrivels and turns to dust as all that's left is this skeleton
With his arm outreached to this ore that's stuck in the ground
Poncho stands up puts his hat back on his head
Hops on Thistlepush and rides back over to the others
The train has stopped his arm I imagine you stopped the train
I just rode it directly into the storm
You get back and his arm's just fucking dead
I was like actually what if I was a rebellion leader for evil
And then becomes Saren Bantu
I speed it up and then jump off
The train goes off down the tracks faster and faster and faster until it reaches into
the storm and this sandstorm just eats it up
Doctor, there you are!
Are you okay?
Something about today went as I thought it would
Are you hurt?
No.
Are you?
No, I'm not!
That's good.
I've forgotten what is the phrase that Skye says.
Is that appropriate for this moment?
Cowabunga?
Cowabunga, yes.
I think that's more like a war cry.
I think it's, you know, I think we should say that when we're going to go kill people
What after?
I understand.
I think the time has passed.
The time has passed for Cowabunga.
Shoot.
Do you need a ride?
Yes, please!
Can I grab on and glide like Marty McFly again?
Absolutely.
With the goggles and gas mask on?
At the end of the day, as the sun is setting, you arrive back at Neutrino Nets.
Citizens of Neutrino Downs, I'm stepping down as a sheriff.
I want to thank you all for giving me the opportunity and chance to be your sheriff.
But I think it's about time I hang up my guns.
I took this job to protect the city, to protect this town from the Baron.
The Baron is gone.
He's dead.
It's over.
I'll be honest, I don't know how long this peace will last.
But for now, let's enjoy it.
I punch you, you feel her.
Big, poured hand on your shoulder.
And you look up and you see your wife almost twice your size.
Come on, let's party everyone.
Oh, come on, let's enjoy it.
I'm a protector, darling.
People here, they can protect themselves.
I would say I'm disappointed, but I could use an extra hand on the farm.
The turnips should be coming in pretty soon.
Darling, come on, down in front of people.
I just can't help it.
You're squeezing my shoulder.
I mean, come on.
Give me the talk of the town.
Oxana, showing off your ankle.
The chide van, the le-shun-ta swings open the doors to a half-wrecked inn.
Open bar today.
Y'all celebrate.
What are you looking at?
Come on, get inside.
Get inside.
Go party inside the inn.
That's what y'all should be doing right now.
I know we have to go.
I don't feel like I want to necessarily stay here.
Or live here.
I feel oddly attached to this place.
Do you feel that way?
No.
No?
No, I've died about five times.
That's true.
I'm quite happy to hear.
You could have died here.
But I understand the sentiment.
I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something akin to that while we were on Saga.
Oh.
I didn't realize you felt that way.
Is there anything from this planet on wild nights?
I am familiar with those lizards.
I hope that they do well.
For wildlife?
Oh, the people.
Oh.
But also that.
I understand that Parjo just resigned.
I wonder if perhaps a more leadership role is still in the cards.
I could see him being the mayor, perhaps.
Something less unilateral.
Maybe something more.
The governor?
Democratic.
Less marshal.
You know who he should talk to?
Zombs!
What?
So, is there a poncho?
I heard.
Big speech.
I know.
But shouldn't there be some kind of leadership?
What is your...
Now he has his wife back.
He has his town back.
Who wouldn't want to take a step back and rest?
I'm sure he would.
And I'm sure he would.
He's probably going to do that.
He's probably going to be a good person.
I'm sure he would.
You're a good leader.
I'm a good wartime leader.
Don't know if I'd be a good peacetime leader.
Maybe we just have to get you to peacetimes then.
So, you two are right.
Last I saw you, you were jumping out of a moving train.
Out to jumping into a moving train.
Firiak.
Andre!
Oh dear.
Firiak.
Sleeping sound.
What's that?
Firiak sleeping sound.
We may have lost Andre so suddenly.
I didn't realize how suddenly it was.
Firiak falls asleep at the table, sarsaparilla in hand.
I think we'll be fine.
You overhear some chuckles.
Familiar laughs.
And you find in a back alley near enough in that you can still hear the music, but far
enough away that people can't necessarily spot them.
You see Estrid and Flair.
Both of them have bottles in their hand.
A stolen box of alcohol.
Can I turn around the corner to eavesdrop?
I'm not in a very social mood.
I'm fine.
The sky looks nice now, but you get up there and it's a whole different beast.
It is colorful and weird.
It is dangerous.
We crashed.
Did we tell you that?
Yeah, I know.
I heard.
Damn.
I'd love to see it though.
I mean we don't really have a ship at the minute, but we're going to somewhere that
might have one.
It's not really my decision, you're going to have to ask Scrap or Sky, I guess.
Maybe if we get you off this planet you can find somewhere else to go.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd like that.
Alright.
Matthew, do you want one of these two to say things to Sky?
Because otherwise I will stoically sneak off and find the sheriff.
Sky's going to go find the sheriff who I'm sure is the life of the party, like trying
to track down the bride and groom at a wedding.
As I pass by the bar I'm going to make a big gesture grabbing a sarsaparilla and I want
to try and sleight of hand a smog wine behind my back.
Yeah, you can.
Poncho, you can set the DC.
I got a 20.
Poncho ain't seen nothing.
Deputy Sky?
Thanks for everything, Sheriff.
I didn't do much.
Do you want to do me a solid?
Of course.
The baron's men, the ones on my team that mutinied, believe in them.
They don't believe in themselves, I'm sure, but that and a little patience, I promise,
it's all they're going to need.
I remember the words a certain deputy told me, that maybe if we just gave them a chance
instead of slapping the book at them, maybe they can make a difference.
But that sounds like a smart deputy and a talented deputy and a good looking deputy.
I will admit at first, I didn't believe those words.
And not long ago I didn't believe in those words either.
But seeing what you did today, yeah, I'll believe in them.
I'll take a swig of this mug one.
You do know I'm going to need that deputy star back, right?
Sure, and I tried to sleight of hand the sarsaparilla bottle into your hand and then dip into the night.
He just lets her take, keep the badge.
Takes the sarsaparilla.
One more thing.
I'm going to be needing that letter back now.
Oh, right, right.
Is there like a fireplace in the saloon or something?
Right up, right up.
Check it in the fire as I walk by.
And I'm going to take my smog wine bottle and I'm going to climb up to the roof of the saloon.
I'm going to drink my smog wine as I stare up at the starry sky of neutrino downs.
The night of revelry goes on until the sun of the Vanir system begins to rise, leaving this green hue amongst the sands.
Everyone either wakes or just clocks that they've been talking all night till the sun has risen.
Hey, we got to go.
We've got a long road ahead of us.
You got your lunch.
They don't want any heroics.
Just straight to New Moors and straight back.
You hear?
Ham sandwich.
We'll make sure we get to New Moors safely and we'll make sure he makes his way straight home.
Road between you and me, Ham.
I think we'll have to try very hard.
He was missing you sorely.
You are very cool.
Just by the way.
Well, thank you, Mess.
You're very cool yourself.
I saw how you did that electricity superpower on the train.
No, stop it.
I don't even hear you saying that.
You're very cool.
Goodbye.
Ah, Deputy.
Oksana, it's a pleasure to meet you.
I've heard a lot of great things.
Very nice to see you as well.
Would you mind if I spoke to you for a minute?
I would love nothing more.
Yeah, come on.
I've got to haul the last of these bags out.
Come give me a hand.
Oksana, I haven't known you for a very long time, but you seem like such an admirable and incredible person.
So much so that I hate that this has to be your first impression of me.
I'm going to press a cred stick into her hand.
There's almost nothing on here.
But in a town not far from here, a shopkeeper has passed away.
Can you just pass this on to whoever is left amongst his loved ones and say that I'm sorry and that's all that I can be?
And please, please, please don't tell Poncho until we're really far away.
I can do that, young lady.
Hey, do you mind if I tag along?
I ain't got much waiting for me here.
More than Marry her. It's your thing.
I'd be a drop you off at New Moor's.
Can I go up to her and do the like, tough guy handshake?
And can I do I have to roll for it if I want to like pull her close?
No.
Don't say anything.
Doing that would incriminate me as well.
Secret safe for me, darling.
I would like to go up to Keelan, just in a passing by as I'm hopping on.
I told you.
This guy has integrity.
So does your boy.
Is there any point in which it looks like Keelan is about to walk away?
No, but it does not look like he's walking onto the track.
So you're just going to sit there in the dust or are you going to come aboard?
I didn't know if the invitation was still open.
Why wouldn't it be?
No hard feelings.
I'm too old for him. And so are you.
We brought you here. Our ship crashed and brought you here.
But you're welcome on whatever we have left of a ship until you and Flair are safe.
No hard feelings.
Hey, can you not fucking touch it?
Flair's head pops out and is like, hey, old man.
Calm down.
Keep going. We are on a timer here.
So are we.
All right, all right, all right. I'm coming.
As we drive away, I'm going to shout out the back of the truck.
Poncho for Mare.
This is a...
Poncho for Mare.
We'll discuss this when I return.
Outside of Neutrino Downs on this journey toward New Moors, the damage that has been done to this planet really sets in.
Neutrino Downs is in a desert, but it's solid ground.
Half of this planet isn't anymore.
The environment really helps you understand why this desert is called the crumbling sands of Nos.
You look out on the horizon and you see these huge, huge man carved chasms.
You watch as giant sand banks that act as now bridges from the slight rumble of you all driving past crumbles and falls off into the complete blackness of the depths below.
Old mines, derelict and unused mining vessels that cleared out forests and forests and forests of ore.
And then as soon as it was useless, it just stopped.
These huge ships are old, so old, now just dust written only inhabited by animals.
Some people have made small towns trying to survive out of these small ships.
The journey takes a few days.
It's a long road.
Where exactly are we? Have we like made camp?
You could have stopped for the night if you wanted.
Thank you, Azan.
What'd I do?
I tried not to make many friends after what happened.
Because I was afraid the Baron would just take him away, but what I'm saying is it's...
I made a friend these past couple of days.
The more you close off your heart, the weaker you get.
I could help you figure out that lesson for yourself.
You literally retiring.
No, I'm retiring from being a sheriff.
Not from Mayo?
The more I think about it, the more it sounds pretty appealing.
You don't have to rush from one purpose to another.
Enjoy having nothing at all to worry about.
I think you're absolutely right, Azan.
And I hope you get that feeling one day too.
I think to do that, I need to find my Oksana.
I hope you find them soon.
Me too.
I'm going to do Parway's...
He reaches to his side and he gives Azan his sting pistol.
Really?
I got a firearm that I could use and this one...
I picked it up in pretty dark times for me.
I was going to give the sky-bells and phrase to shoot her eye out.
I'm sure you're happy.
You were the only person I feel like would put it to good use and not hurt themselves.
I will do my best.
Thank you.
You are going to go right home after this, right?
I am going to go right home after this.
Okay, good.
Excuse me. I have some napping to do.
May I find the sky?
No, I'll be on the top of the patchwork where I usually am, but it's a little bit of a different view now.
Sky?
I reluctantly reach my hand out to you.
Thank you!
I know you felt responsible for that town being deputy and all.
We both know I wasn't really the deputy.
I wanted to check in.
Well, that was all a lot.
We won.
But that winning cost a lot of lives.
Sky, I just am wondering if you feel responsible for what happened here.
What do you mean what happened here?
That we won, but at the cost of some lives.
The Baron had his turn. Are you asking me if I feel bad for the Baron?
I want to make sure you're okay.
Do you feel bad for the Baron?
No, but I do feel bad for Poncho.
For having to kill the Baron.
Sorry, it's just hard in this moment to be getting a pep doc from an upper decker.
I was an upper decker for all of four months, and of those four months, I didn't even have a permanent residence.
I have an empty apartment that is paid for for a job that is owned by a man who wants me dead for a lot of money.
But I understand what you mean.
I don't have any children.
Are you adopting me?
No, no, you're far too old for that.
But I know that Azzam has guilt and tragedy.
I'm worried.
Azzam separated himself intentionally from me, from the rest of us.
Azzam was planning to go down with the ship, and I know that you two are close.
Me and Azzam?
Yeah.
No.
I just don't want you to emulate that or do anything like that.
You don't need to be a hero by sacrificing yourself.
I'm not pretending that I was part of Void, and I know what that's like.
I don't.
I was bred to not sacrifice myself to be a hero, but to sacrifice myself to be a villain.
I have been emulating Azzam.
Sorry.
It was nice this once to be self-sacrificing for you guys instead of the Void.
I don't want that for you.
I don't want that kind of life for you.
I want something better.
We need you around.
We need you here.
We love you and care for you.
I know, I know, I know.
I'm saying it because it's true, though.
Anytime I...
I'd like a new life.
And I've been trying to get it.
Okay.
Thanks.
Okay.
Sorry I snapped about you being an upper-decker.
Oh, that's alright.
Good night.
Enjoy the roof.
I love the roof.
You see off far, far horizon a humongous, domed structure.
This dome that has this paneling, almost like a force field around it, these multi-colored...
With the sun hitting it the way that it is, it just looks like this huge stained glass city.
But that's not what grabs your attention.
Outside of the city, there are hundreds, possibly thousands of skeletons.
Every single skeleton are trying to crawl away from the city.
Each one dotting the horizon, some clambering over each other.
These bodies that pile upon each other eventually get so thick that...
Poncho has to stop.
Well, this is as far as I can take you.
It's somehow both more beautiful and uglier than it's ever been.
No more as that is.
Is it too late to turn back?
I'll show you really want to go here.
We have to.
A rock told us to.
Spawns!
The crystal!
This isn't just one the crystal is.
This is our way off planet.
Sure.
You got a communicator?
Yeah, I do.
Here are my digits.
I'll be honest, I don't know much about using emojis or whatever the kids call it.
Memes or something, I don't know.
I guess it's my turn to teach you, Sheriff.
I hope you're ready for a lot of texts at 2am.
I look forward to it.
You have a safe trip back home.
Well, I'm not one for goodbyes.
Oh, wait, Sheriff. Since Theriac is still asleep here, let me record a goodbye from you that they can listen to later.
Oh, uh, right.
On my communicator.
I'm not good at this stuff.
Theriac, you're a highly intelligent doctor and a very, very upstanding individual.
I hope you don't lose your head again.
Not in a physical sense, more in a metaphorical sense, you know, because.
Oh, shoot, I ran out of memory. Sorry.
Not a lot of memory on this. It might be a burner phone.
Sorry. I have a lot of burner phones.
Thank you for everything, Bonjo.
Scrappy, keep your nose clean, all right, and stay out of trouble.
I. Yes.
Don't lose that smile, all right?
Trying.
All right. Well, goodbye, y'all. Be safe.
Bye.
Bonjo.
And as the noise of Thittlebrush and Bonjo leave, you turn and look at the thousands of skeletons and your new destination.
The stained city of Newmores.
That is we're going to leave today.
Our Wild West arc has concluded.
We had the Magnificent Five.
I believe that's the original title. Is it? No, it's the Magnificent Seven.
Yeah, it is the Magnificent Seven.
Round of applause for our guest. Thank you, Wally.
We had a sheriff. We had train heists.
Everyone, thank Wally so much. Oh my god.
I cannot even begin to express how perfect of a first.
Hello, there, beautiful, wonderful souls.
Thank you so much for listening to the animals. I just have a few quick thank yous for I shout out the players.
I would like to thank sunny420, Miba, Doofingers, Daniel Neruda, Mary, Anna, Noah.
Thank you so much for joining our Patreon.
If you would like a shout out, join the Patchwork Support Tier, but every tier has extra content and other wonderful things, such as a wild time sticker from Andre.
And on our Discord, you can chat with the crew as well as exclusive clips and little beautiful videos.
Our music today was provided by Arliss under their Fair Use License.
If you would like to listen to the actual plays of the show before all the music and the pew pews are added in.
And you also want to see our beautiful, wonderful faces and head on over to the Atomless on YouTube for all of the videos as well as the little clips and animatics, which is the coolest thing.
We also have a Patreon.
Now, again, the animus's sneak previews and all that jazz.
We have also teamed up with the Familiars Shop. I just realized I just mentioned the Patreon thing twice.
Oh my God, I'm so good at this.
We teamed up with the Familiars Shop.
To face the animus, team Soaps, each member of the Patchwork is collaborating to create a smoke place around their character.
We got Sky, Strawberry, Azaam, which is bonfire and incest.
So delicious.
I get cotton candy.
Enthiariac isn't garlic, which is a shame, but is eucalyptus.
And bergamot. If you want to smell like the idea of our team, then head on over to the Familiars Shop on Etsy to do that.
We also, if you heard at the very beginning of the episode, which I definitely hope you did, we have also been, oh my God, sponsored by Hero Forge, which is the coolest thing that's ever happened in my life, existence.
Coolest thing ever.
I'm oh so bloody obsessed with that. If you go over to our Twitter, which is just the animus on Twitter, you will find that we have little giveaways to do with their absolutely incredible, beautiful minis.
I love them so much.
I've literally made a billion Hero Forge characters ever since I started playing any form of TTRPG.
And now they have like whole face customization and it's just so delicious.
It's so beautiful.
I recommend it more than anything.
Oh my God.
Also, holy shit.
So hi, this is just a personal thing from me.
Literally before I say my hi hellas and thank yous to everyone.
We are now not only just the Adamless, no get rid of that, we are now the award winning podcast, the Adamless, where we just won best ensemble cast from the New Jersey Web Fest and I genuinely could not be more proud of our team.
I can't, I can't even talk about it without feeling just so overwhelmed with emotion that is so incredible and wonderful.
And we were we were with some absolute star studded podcasts and creators there and it's just the coolest thing in the world.
Thank you everyone so much for coming out and supporting us because we literally couldn't be anywhere without you all.
I appreciate it more than you can possibly, possibly imagine.
Our players today was the beautiful one for Momo O'Brien who also edited this episode, but she didn't want to do the outro because she's so sweepy.
She was playing Sky, Superdillon who played Ike, Nonalika De who was werewolf fields and socials who played Assam and Contra Rift of Ever Art who was our wonderful, beautiful, garlic scientist, theriac.
And we also are closing up with Wally, a friendly slime everywhere who was our cool as hell cowboy poncho and then me, Matthew Elbro, Captain Craylon, all things.
I voiced all the pew pews and mainly scrap, who I mainly do nowadays.
Thank you all so, so much for listening. I appreciate and love you all.
If you go and follow us on Twitter you can probably find where the actual plays, the videos come out before the podcast does, which I'm actually not sure is public knowledge, but they actually do.
And we stream them live on Twitch and we use this as like a recording thing and then we, you know, take that and then we edit it into this which comes out at least a week later.
We've been so busy so we've had a little bit of a slow schedule which we do apologize for, but we're going to be getting more into it.
Anyway, I love you all so much. Thank you so much for being here.
And the next time we fly through the atomis sea, I hope you will be there to fly with us.
Thank you.